Harry let out a deep breath as he slowly opened his eyes. Though it was blurry without his glasses, he could still immediately tell that he was not in the Hospital Wing. He looked around the best he could, trying to identify the place. It took some time but he soon realized he was in Severus’ guestroom.

He sighed again and shut his eyes. His body throbbed, reminding him instantly what had happened. Tears sprung to his eyes.

“Child?”

He opened his eyes again, looking at Severus through the tears.

“I am so sorry,” Severus said quietly and Harry’s tears overflowed. He squeezed the hand that grasped his. “How are you feeling physically? Do you need anything?”

Harry shook his head.

“Alright,” Severus said, nodding. “All the damage has been reversed. You’ll be okay.”

Harry sniffed, trying to stall the tears for just a moment. “You...you’re here,” he whispered.

Severus gave Harry’s hand another squeeze. “I am. Alexei got me out.”

“How...how long?”

Severus sighed. “It’s been a week and a half.”

More tears fell.

“You’ll be okay,” Severus repeated.

Harry shook his head. “No,” he said. “I don’t want to be.”

“Harry…”

“I can’t,” Harry whispered. “I can’t anymore. I can’t, I can’t.” He sobbed and Severus’ heart shattered for his broken ward.

Severus sat on the sofa, leaning forward and putting his face in his hands. “They’ve destroyed him, Alexei.”

“Not for good,” the vampire said, sipping at his glass. “We just have to work with him again.”

Severus looked at him brokenly. “He doesn’t want to live anymore.”

“Then we give him a reason to want to,” Alexei said. “We be there. We help him and take care of him. We do exactly what we were doing before all of this.”

“I just can’t believe this happened, that they would do that to Harry,” Severus said. “They were so close to killing him.”

Alexei nodded sadly, remembering how the child had looked when he found him.

“We will help him,” Alexei said again.

Severus sighed. “I wish Lucius was here.”

“Soon,” Alexei said. “We can use that as incentive for Harry.”

A quiet knock on the door interrupted them and Severus stood to answer it. He let the Weasley twins in and shut the door behind them.

“We were hoping we could see Harry now,” Fred said quietly. He and George had been dropping by every other day for updates on Harry and hoping they could see their friend. They felt guilty, knowing they should have met Harry at Severus’ rooms that day. They had promised to always be with him when Alexei wasn’t or couldn’t be. They had failed.

“He’s awake finally,” Severus said, “so you can see him. He’s very unstable right now, though, so tread carefully.”

“We will.” The twins nodded and headed into Harry’s room.

“His friends will help as well,” Alexei said as Severus sat back down. “We will get him through this.”

“I hope so,” Severus said. “I don’t want to lose him.”

“None of us do.”

Harry sat curled up on the new window seat in his room, staring out the newly enchanted window. It allowed him to see outside at the grounds and the Quidditch Pitch. He gazed out, not really seeing the few people that were soaring around the Pitch. He couldn’t seem to find joy in anything anymore. it was just like after Ron died.

Nothing was okay anymore. He couldn’t forget what Sirius had done to him. How could his own godfather do that? Sirius had forced him to take so many potions that even Severus hadn’t been able to identify them all. Sirius had tortured him and would have continued had Alexei not found them. Sirius was supposed to care about him so why had he hurt him? It was just like the Dursleys. They should’ve cared about him too and they had hurt him. Everyone who was supposed to care about him and be his family hurt him. Sirius had hurt him so he wouldn’t be a family with Severus, Lucius, and Alexei.

He wasn’t meant to have a family. He understood now.

He let his head rest against the window. If he wasn’t meant to have a family and be happy, what was the point? He was done. He didn’t want to try anymore. He wanted to be with Ron and leave it all behind.

Family and happiness didn’t exist, at least not for him.

He didn’t react when the door opened and Severus walked in. The man sat on the bed. “How are you feeling today?” he asked.

“Fine,” Harry said shortly, never moving from his position against the window.

“Are you in any pain?”

“No.” It was a lie. His arms were burning where a potion had made his skin bubble. He didn’t care. He was used to pain and obviously deserved it for reasons unknown to him.

“Harry, please, look at me,” Severus said quietly and he heard the sadness in the man’s voice. He didn’t want Severus to be sad, so he turned his head and looked at his guardian. Severus sighed at the dull, green eyes. “Are you really not in pain?”

“A little,” Harry admitted in a mumble. “My arms.”

“The burns?”

Harry nodded and watched Severus summon a potion and a salve. He tensed at the sight of a potion and Severus gave him sad look.

“I promise this potion is safe,” Severus said. “It’s just a Pain Reliever. You have taken them many times before.”

Harry swallowed thickly and nodded, pushing his fear aside. Severus was right. He knew Pain Relievers. He had lost count how many he had taken. He knew how they looked and smelled and tasted. All those things matched up as he slowly swallowed the potion and he felt his pain disappear almost instantly.

“I want to put this salve on the burns,” Severus said, holding the container up. “It will help them heal faster and prevent scarring.”

Harry nodded. Even though he agreed, was watching, and Severus moved slow, he still flinched and pulled his arm away at Severus’ first touch.

“Sorry,” he muttered.

“It’s alright, child. Try again,” Severus said and gently took hold of the boy’s arm again. Harry still flinched but he didn’t pull away. He relaxed only slightly as Severus rubbed the salve into his skin. As soon as it was done, Harry took his arms back and tucked them under the blanket.

“Anything to eat?” Harry asked, actually feeling quite hungry all of a sudden.

“I’ll make you something,” Severus said, getting to his feet. “Anything specific?”

Harry just shook his head and returned to staring out the window.

“I’ll be right back.” Severus left the room and headed into the kitchen. Once there he placed his hands on the countertop and hung his head. How could they help Harry? He was absolutely shattered.

“We’ll figure it out, moy drug,” Alexei said, standing in the kitchen doorway and leaning against the frame.

“I don’t know if we can,” Severus whispered. “I think he may be gone.”

“Never,” Alexei said. “He’s afraid. We just have to show him there is nothing to be afraid of. We have to prove to him that we won’t hurt him like his godfather and relatives.”

Severus sighed sadly. “I want him to be okay again, to be like he was. He was so much better and now this happened.”

“I know,” Alexei said, “but we can get him there again. If we keep showing him we care, he’ll believe it eventually.”

Severus just nodded as he finished making a sandwich for the child. He wasn’t sure if he really believed Alexei. Harry seemed beyond their reach. He finished the sandwich and brought it back to Harry.

“Chicken salad,” Severus said, handing him the plate. “Your favourite.”

“Thanks,” Harry said dully. He took a bite. It was tasty but he still couldn’t get any enjoyment out of it. He was only eating because he knew he had to and his body was telling him to.

“Do you want anything else?” Severus asked.

“No.”

Severus sighed again. “Very well. Call if you need anything. Try to nap. It will help the healing process.”

“Okay.”

With another heartbroken look at the boy, he left the room and sat on the sofa. He couldn’t put into words how much he hated Black and Lupin. How could they have done what they did to Harry? He knew Black hated him—the feeling was mutual—but to hurt his own godson to such an extent simply because Harry was interacting with Severus?

He groaned quietly and rubbed his arm where the Dark Mark was. It was throbbing again and had been consistently for the past several days. He Mark itself was far darker as well and the implications were making his stomach twist with anxiety. He knew what it all meant and he had always hoped this day would never come.

“Is it hurting again?”

Severus looked up at Alexei and nodded once, turning his gaze back to the coffee table. He really wasn’t looking at anything, but staring blankly.

“Do you need a potion?”

“No.” Severus shook his head. “They don’t work on the Mark anyway.”

Alexei nodded and sat on the other end of the sofa.

“What has happened to Black and Lupin?” Severus eventually asked.

“Dumbledore had them admitted to St. Mungo’s,” Alexei said. “They are running tests to determine their mental stability.”

“Good,” Severus said and sighed quietly.

“It’ll be okay,” Alexei said reassuringly.

Severus met the vampire’s eyes sadly. “I’m not so sure anymore.”

Harry stood at the edge of their protective circle, staring up at the black sky. If possible, the sky was even darker and it was pouring even harder. Lightning struck every few seconds and thunder shook the ground.

“Harry?” Ron said behind him.

“I’m not leaving this time,” Harry said.

“You can’t stay. It’s just a dream,” Ron said and Harry turned to look at him.

“I’m going to come be with you. I’m done. I can’t keep going anymore.”

“Harry, you can’t.”

“Why? No one wants me around. Sirius doesn’t even care about me. Look what he did.”

Ron nodded at him sadly. “I know but Sirius isn’t stable. You have a lot of people who care about you and you know it.”

Harry shook his head. “I can’t, not anymore. no one will miss me.”

Ron sighed. “Come sit. I have something to show you.”

Harry stared at him for a moment, hesitating, but eventually went to sit next to his friend. Once he was sitting, Ron waved his hand in front of them. The air in front of them shimmered and then began to morph into an image. Harry frowned as he watched the image clear up and begin to move.

He found himself staring at Alexei who was standing outside, getting soaked by the pouring rain. The vampire was staring down at the ground in front of him where there was a gravestone. The scene focused and allowed him to read the name: Harry Potter.

His heart skipped painfully and he looked at Ron sharply. “What is this?”

“Just watch.”

Harry turned back to the scene. Alexei was finally leaving the grave and headed inside a nearby house. The vampire walked slowly through the house, ending up in a sitting room. He sat on a sofa, obviously not caring that he was still wet. He looked over at an armchair and Harry was surprised to see Severus. However, the Potions master looked nothing like the man he currently knew.

“Severus?” Alexei said but got no response. “Severus.”

This time the man’s eyes cracked open. The man’s hair was much longer and very messy. It was also very clearly dirty. His face was a sickly pale and sunken. It looked like his skin had been stretched over his bones. His eyes had dark circles underneath and they were dull. There was almost no life left in his eyes.

“Drinking already?” Alexei said and Harry noticed the half empty whiskey bottle on the little table beside Severus’ chair. Harry frowned. Severus didn’t drink hard liquor. He really only drank wine.

“What about it?” Severus snapped.

“You’re going to drink yourself to death,” Alexei said.

“Does it matter?” Severus grumbled. “I already can’t leave the house and Harry’s gone. I might as well be dead.”

Alexei sighed, but didn’t respond. Harry had a feeling he could see the same desire for death in the vampire’s eyes. The scene shimmered and disappeared.

“What was that?” Harry asked again.

“A possible future,” Ron said. “This is the future most likely to happen if you kill yourself right now.”

Harry frowned.

“In this future, you are dead. Lucius is gone. He left England and was never heard from again. Severus quit Hogwarts and has to live with Alexei. He is under lifetime house arrest because he nearly beat Sirius to death. Sirius is in a coma and will never wake up. Severus is an alcoholic and will probably drink himself to death. Alexei has been searching for a way to die.”

Harry’s frown deepened. “All because I died?”

Ron nodded. “These people care about you, they love you. You can’t imagine the pain they will experience if you die.”

“But Sirius…”

“Sirius doesn’t matter anymore,” Ron interrupted. “I know he’s your godfather but that’s just a title. He doesn’t act like a godfather. Hold onto the ones that do act like your family. They all care about you so much.”

“What if they hurt me like Sirius? Or like the Dursleys?” Harry said quietly.

Ron looked at him gently. “Do you really think they would or could?”

Harry thought about all the men in his life. He hadn’t ever thought Sirius could or would hurt him but he had. It was completely possible that Severus, Lucius, or Alexei could hurt him eventually, but would they? Did he believe they would ever hurt him?

Did he really want to leave them? Yes, Sirius had hurt him but Ron was right. Severus, Lucius, and Alexei were acting like his family. They had been doing anything and everything to help him and take care of him all year. Severus had even gotten guardianship of him even though it would make things difficult if he ever had to spy again. None of them had abandoned him or hurt him.

Harry looked at Ron. He missed his friend so much and he wanted Ron back so much more after what happened.

“I wish I could be with you,” Ron said, “but don’t forget about all those who you do still have with you.”

Harry just pulled Ron into a hug, wishing he could still stay there forever.

Harry slowly woke up, blinking at the light. He put on his glasses and found Severus sitting by his bed, apparently marking some assignments. As he watched, his mind travelled randomly to his Potions assignment, the one he had been struggling with for so long. It seemed like it shouldn’t matter at all but, in that moment, it was the main thing on his mind. He remembered how much he had been struggling. He also remembered what Alexei had told him. Severus would want to help him, they all would. The three of them only ever wanted to help him.

“Can you help me with my Potions assignment?” he asked and Severus’ head popped up.

“You’re awake,” Severus said and then his eyebrows furrowed slightly. “Your assignment? Of course I’ll help you. How long have you been having trouble with it?”

Harry’s lips twitched and he pushed himself up so he was sitting. “Since you assigned it.”

“Harry, that was nearly a month ago. It’s your semester project,” Severus said. “How come you didn’t ask for help earlier?”

“I thought it would be cheating,” Harry said. “You’re my guardian so I thought it was cheating to get your help or that you could be accused of favouritism.”

Severus gave him a small smile. “You can always ask for help. Surely you know I would never go easier on your work just because you are my ward.”

Harry chuckled a little. “That’s true.”

“How are you feeling?” Severus asked, changing the subject. The atmosphere because a little sadder and tenser.

Harry sighed and shrugged a shoulder. “I’m okay. I talked to Ron.”

Severus nodded and Harry found it amusing that the man didn’t even question what he meant.

“I want to be okay,” Harry said. “I don’t want to hurt you by leaving. I just can’t believe what Sirius did. I didn’t think he would ever hurt me, especially not like that.”

Severus began to reach out but obviously rethought the action, and placed his hand on the bed beside Harry’s still covered legs instead.

“I can’t explain his actions or reasons, but I can tell you that you are safe with us,” Severus said. “Know that we will never hurt you.”

Harry gave him a small smile. He had a lot of healing to do still, but it would be easier with Severus, Lucius, and Alexei. “I know.”