"Ron and Hermione watched Harry nervously all through dinner, not daring to talk about that they’d overheard, because Percy was sitting close by them. When they headed upstairs to the crowded common room, it was to find Fred and George had set off half-a-dozen Dungbombs in a fit of end-of term high spirits. Harry, who didn’t want Fred and George asking him whether he’d reached Hogsmeade or not, sneaked quietly up to the empty dormitory…”

- Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban ( Chapter 11,  Pg 157)

Chapter 1- The Thirst for Revenge

5 days before Christmas

Harry hid. He couldn't handle another second of Hermione’s concerned looks or Ron's forced casual quidditch talk. So, rather than explode with the sharp angry remarks he so longed to make, he made an excuse to go to the dorms and slipped on his invisibility cloak.

Ron and Hermione had probably figured it out when the common room entrance had seemingly opened without anyone there. If not, they certainly would when he never came back to sit by the fire. But Harry couldn't bring himself to care what they would think. He couldn’t stand another second being in the crowded common room where everyone was celebrating the start of the holidays.

How could no one have told him that Sirius Black was the one who had betrayed his parents? Did they all think he would never figure it out? Didn't anyone at all think he had the right to know? The Minister, Professor McGonagall, Dumbledore…all of them had had the chance to tell him and no one had said anything.  

Malfoys words from the beginning of the year floated back to him “if it were me, I would hunt him down myself.” So Malfoy knew. And the thought of that made Harry feel just a bit more violated. Everyone knew his whole life but him. It had always been like that since he joined the Wizarding world, but this time he didn’t have the excitement of learning about magic to distract him from the injustice of it all.

Even worse, for once, he agreed with Malfoy.

It made Harry's gut twist to think about it. Black was their friend. Best man at their wedding. Named godfather to their child.  Traitor. One moment, being so close that Flitwick had said they were almost like brothers and the next- condemning them to death.

Harry quickened his steps through the castle. His breathing was coming in more ragged. He wasn't sure if he wanted to cry, to scream or to hit something. Probably all of it.

Definitely all of it.

He walked aimlessly. It didn't matter where he was, only that he kept moving. It was like his mind was connected to his feet and stopping would make the hazy fuzz of anger too thick to think.

And a new anger took over him. This - this disgusting piece of human garbage was out of Azkaban now. Apparently the dementors didn't affect him. So he was just…wandering the world, without a care, running around trying to finish the job he started 12 years ago.

And right then Harry hoped that Sirius Black did find him tonight. Because he thought he could survive it through sheer rage alone. He wanted Black to suffer. He wanted to rip him limb from limb. He wanted to…stuff him in a cupboard under the stairs for 11 years with just enough food to keep him alive.

He wanted Revenge.

Revenge for his parents who had been betrayed by their best friend. Revenge for all that they had missed in the last 12 years. And Revenge for himself. For all the happy childhood memories he had missed out on; For every time the Dursleys had locked him away and called him a freak.

Harry rounded the corner powered by fury- and stopped cold. He held in a gasp as he lurched to the side to avoid running right into Professor McGonagall. He hurriedly skirted to stand by the wall, focusing on breathing slowly, so as not to make too much noise. His head of house was standing staring out the window looking towards the lake. It seemed like Harry had caught her in a rare moment of silence, and her face looked heavy with sadness.

“Minerva are you alright?”

Harry almost jumped out of his skin. How had he not noticed Snape coming towards them?

“Severus,” said McGonagall. “It has been quite an evening.”

“Dinner with the minister went that well?” Snape quirked an eyebrow.

The transfiguration teacher laughed. “Well, the minister is definitely a character, but the conversation was rather heavy.”

“Are we to be rid of these dementors anytime soon?” Said Snape

“No.” Said McGonagall with a heavy sigh.

Snape walked closer to her and crossed his arms. Harry didn’t dare move in case he made too much noise.

“They are causing a number of my Slytherins an undue amount of stress. Some of them are still having nightmares from the search of the express in September.”

“I know, Severus. I agree with you,” said McGonagall “I hate walking by the damn things every time I want to go for a drink in the village. A few of my Gryffindors have bad reactions to them as well.”

Snape snorted. “I’m surprised the minister didn’t get rid of them once he heard of precious Potters' fainting spell.”

Harry wished, not for the first time, that he could make someone disappear with a glare alone.

“Now Severus, that's not fair.” McGonagall pursed her lips. “No matter how much I don’t like it, I do understand his reasoning. Fudge is just trying to keep Black away from Hogwarts. He’s trying to keep the students safe.”

“He’s trying to keep one student safe,” quipped Snape. “And he’s doing a poor job given that Black almost made it into the Gryffindor common room on Halloween. Next time I doubt he’ll wait to get the password. The dementors are not deterring anyone, they're just making us all miserable.”

McGonagall nodded. “The minister did mention something. He said that the dementors didn’t seem to affect Black like a normal person.”

“Of course not.” Snape's voice somehow got even more dangerous than normal. “Azkaban is too kind for the likes of Black.”  

“Yes, well...tonight was a rather stark reminder of that.” McGonagall stared out the window. “Even after all these years, I still find it shocking that he betrayed them. The Potters were so good to him, they all but took him in.”

Snape seemed to just barely stop himself from rolling his eyes. “Yes, yes, It’s very sad. But let's not pretend we didn’t all know what he was capable of.”

McGonagall sighed. She stared out the window, her eyes unfocused.

 “You know," She said slowly, “ Lily also spoke very highly of him after Hogwarts. They became rather close. She said he positively doted on Harry.”

Snape stilled in a way that was unnatural. For a moment something pained and suffering flashed in his eyes before it was replaced with a mask of stone.

“Give me one day with Black. Just one day. He’ll be begging for the dementors again.” Hissed Snape.

McGonagall reached out a hand and squeezed Snape’s shoulder gently. To Harry’s surprise he didn’t push her away.

“He’ll be getting the kiss when they catch him,” said McGonagall.

Harry wondered for a moment what ‘the kiss' was. Based on their reaction he could assume it wasn’t a snog under the quidditch stands. The heaviness in his teacher's voice meant it must be truly horrific.

“I’m not sure there is a soul there to suck out,” said Snape, darkly

McGonagall patted his shoulder gently.  Harry shivered. He would have happily gone to his grave not knowing that there were things that could suck out your soul. But then he thought of his mothers frantic screams right before her death and thought that surely if anyone deserved to have their soul sucked out it would be Black.

“Does Fudge think that Black was fool enough to stay in the area?” Said Snape.

Harry learned forward. Maybe he had told McGonagall some information he could use to catch the traitor.

“He’s sure of it,” said McGonagall. “Black is after Harry, and Fudge is sure that he won’t be deterred by one failure.”

Snape looked towards the shadows in the hallway as if Black would do him the favor of standing right there asking to be caught.

“Well,” McGonagall drew her shawl around herself. “I best get back to my quarters. I have to be up early to make sure everyone gets to the express for the holidays.”

Snape gave her a curt nod. “ I have rounds. Hopefully none of your lions are out laying pranks before the holidays or they may not make the train.”

“My lions?” McGonagall gave a mischievous smirk. “Never.”

McGonagall turned, and Harry quickly shifted so that she wouldn’t walk into him. He bit his lip as she came within inches of him. He exhaled in relief and immediately froze upon looking up and seeing Snape.

The potions master was standing with his arms crossed staring directly at Harry as if there were no such things as invisibility cloaks. His eyebrows jumped, as if he saw Harry seeing him. They stood like that in a weird stand off for what felt like hours, but was probably only seconds.

Just long enough for McGonagall to turn the corner.

The Snake.

“Potter, I know you are there. My, my- Wandering the halls after curfew, and eavesdropping on your teachers. I’d say that's worth 20 points from Gryffindor and a detention.”

Harry internally groaned, but didn’t dare move. Snape couldn’t know he was there. He had no proof.

“Potter, I can see your foot. Take off that cloak at once.”

Oh. Damn.

Harry pulled off the cloak feeling sheepish. Snape was staring at him assessingly. Harry wondered what he was seeing. Hopefully,  he didn’t notice Harry’s eyes red and puffy from crying.

“Follow me,” Snape said in a deadly whisper.

“Professor I-”

Snape spun, holding up his hand in a way that froze Harry’s tongue.

“I don’t care how pathetic you look, Potter. You broke school rules and your detention will commence right now, unless you would like to lose more points.”

Well, I guess that answered the question of if Snape noticed his eyes.

“Yes, sir,” muttered Harry finally admitting defeat.

On the plus side, he now had a very good excuse for avoiding Ron and Hermione for the rest of the night.

He followed Snape down to the dungeons, his mind full of thoughts of revenge and Sirius Black. If he was in the area like Fudge thought, and he was after Harry,  maybe it wouldn’t be too hard to catch him. Then, Harry could make him pay.

Snape threw open the door to his classroom, waved his wand to light the candles and stalked to his desk.

“Sit.”

Harry walked forward and took a seat at the front of the room. One time he had tried to sit at the back of the room for one of Snape's detentions and that had just resulted in more lost points.

Snape emerged from the store cupboard with a bucket of frogs and Harry bit back a groan.

“Disembowel them.”

The bucket was unceremoniously dropped on the work table making the dead frogs slosh inside in a way that turned Harry’s stomach. Snape made a small paring knife appear from somewhere and pushed it across the table until it clattered to a stop just in front of Harry. In a blink two more empty buckets appeared on Harry’s other side; one for the bowels and one for the finished frogs.

With as much restraint as Harry could manage, he began the gruesome work. Suddenly he was happy that he hardly ate any dinner. After a moment even Snape couldn’t find fault with his work and he moved to take a seat behind his desk.

Harry fell into the monotony of the work. It was disgusting, but after the first few, his motions became robotic. That was fine; it gave him more time to ponder the issue of Sirius Black. Harry’s very being still screamed in rage. He wanted revenge. He wanted to catch Black, but how? As much as he hated to admit it, Black could probably best him in a duel. It wouldn’t do to find the traitor just to get killed. No, Harry needed a plan that would ensure that Black suffered as much as possible.

“Give me one day with Black. Just one day. He’ll be begging for the dementors again.”

The words of Professor Snape came back to him in a rush, and this time Harry thought about what they meant. Snape wanted to catch Black too, and he wanted to hurt him just like Harry did.

“Professor,” said Harry impulsively “Did you know Sirius Black or something? It sounded like-”

Snape slammed down his quill so hard it made Harry jump.

“Potter, you are here because you seriously overstepped your bounds. What Professor McGonagall and I discussed is none of your business. Finish your work. In silence. Before I add more detentions.”

Harry threw the frog innards in the bucket so hard it rocked. His hand on the frog almost squashed the whole thing entirely. Muttering angrily to himself he pulled out another frog.

“What’s that Potter?” said Snape.

His voice had taken on that deep dangerous tone that meant that if you had any sense of self preservation you would shut up. But Harry found that his anger had eclipsed his good sense, and no one had ever accused him of being anything but a foolish Gryffindor.

“It is my business!” screamed Harry. “Because everything about Black is my business! He’s after me, isn’t he? His own godson, fun fact. Did you know that? The filthy traitor who betrayed my parents is back to finish the job. So pardon me if I think that maybe, some of it may be my business!”

He waited for the onslaught. Surely that outburst had earned him at least another detention and 50  points from Gryffindor. But when he dared look at Snape, the man had simply leaned back in his chair, pressed his hands together and was staring at Harry as if he was a new species of potions ingredient.

“You are better informed on the topic then I thought,” said Snape. “Do tell, if you are aware of the acute dangers to your person, what were you doing foolishly wandering the castle at night alone?”

Harry scoffed. “I was plenty safe, I had on my invisibility cloak. Besides, it's Hogwarts.”

“Yes, a school that Black has already broken into once in search of you,” said Snape “A school that he went to and is intimately familiar with; With not but the protection of your invisibility cloak against magic so dark it blew up an entire street. But do go on.”

“So let him catch me then,” said Harry. “I don’t care! Maybe- Maybe…”

“Maybe what, Mr. Potter?”

“Maybe he’ll regret it. I  know some good hexes. I can throw a punch. I fought off a basilisk last year for God's sake. I can take care of Black. ”

“If he caught you, I imagine you would be dead.” Snape gave him another assessing look. “Am I to gather that you want revenge?”

Want revenge? thought Harry. No I want so much more than that. “I want to rip him limb from limb. I want to make him regret ever knowing the name James and Lily Potter. I want him to suffer.”

Suddenly ashamed Harry kept his eyes on the work table in front of him. If he had said something like that to Ron and Hermione they would be positively beside themselves. What must Snape think of him?

“On that, Mr. Potter, we are in agreement.”

Harry started. Snape…agreed with him? He wasn’t going to try and talk him out of being bloodthirsty? It made him feel… seen. Perceived in a way that he never had been before.

“That son of a bitch took my parents,” said Harry. “He’s the reason I grew up an orphan knowing nothing about the wizarding world. And he’s the reason these fucking dementors are following me around, well the jokes on him  because the dementor’s just make me all the more determined to see him suffer.”

“And why might that be Mr. Potter?”

Harry’s heart thudded in his ears. He had only told Professor Lupin what he heard when the dementors came close. Did he dare tell Snape?

The Professor was sitting patiently, as if happy to wait as long as it took him. He wasn’t even scolding Harry for his language. It was suspicious, but also…

“ Because every time the dementors get too close to me I hear my mother begging for my life. And now I know that the only reason that had to happen is because of that disgusting traitor. So, I invite him to find me, Professor, because I’ll do everything I can to make him regret it.”

Snapes face was shuttered. The usual hatred Harry saw in it was gone, but it was replaced by the seeming absence of any emotion at all. It was unnerving. Snapes hands fell onto his desk with a heavy thud. His eyes never left Harry’s.

“Look, I know you know I heard you with McGonagall,” said Harry, mind working a mile a minute. Was this the part where Snape started lecturing him about how revenge is bad? It was like his mouth had a mind of its own and he couldn’t stop. “You said that one day with you would make Black beg for the dementors. So, I gathered you're not a big fan of the guy either. So- So- “

“So what, Mr. Potter?” growled Snape.

Harry gulped. “So- So help me catch him.”

“Excuse me?”

Harry could see the shock in his face, but it wasn’t an outright denial which was more than he had expected.

“Help me catch him,” said Harry more evenly. “I’m not stupid. I know I’ll probably die if I find him myself, but you seem like you know some dark magic, so maybe with you I stand a chance. You can take all the credit and bring him to the dementors. All I ask in return is that I get to throw a few hexes and punches first.”

Harry raised his chin in challenge. He got the feeling that if Snape had been anyone else his mouth would have been hanging open.

“You hate him,” asserted Harry. “I can tell. And I’m the perfect bait. You can get all the glory of throwing him in Azkaban again.”

Snape’s shoulders shook for a moment and then a barked laugh escaped his lips involuntarily. The potions master couldn’t control himself anymore and he fell forward in a full chortle. Harry looked around the classroom suddenly feeling uncomfortable. Had he broken Snape? Maybe he miscalculated? He was probably about to be marched up to Dumbledor’s office for a dressing down.

When the laughter continued Harry turned back to working on the frogs. It didn’t feel right to watch the man lose his mind. As the laughter finally died down, Harry kept his eyes on his work station. Maybe he could pretend that nothing had happened?

“Well, Potter, you have surprised me, and that does not happen often.”

Harry risked a glance up to see Snape smirking at him, before hurriedly turning back to his work.

“You seriously want me to use you as bait to catch Black, so that you can exact some revenge,” said Snape. It wasn’t a question. “And in exchange I get to bring Black to the dementors for the kiss.”

Harry didn’t dare move. He could feel Snape’s eyes on him.

“Yes,” Hissed Snape.

Harry jerked and almost cut himself with the paring knife. “Yes?”

Snape smiled. “Let’s catch Black, and make him suffer.”

4 days before Christmas

The next morning Harry still couldn't quite believe his nerve. Even more unbelievable was that Snape had agreed to his deal. Harry didn’t want to question it too much. The man must really hate Black if he would work with Harry to get him. The thought of the dark spells Snape could use on Black practically made him giddy. If there was one thing he knew about Snape, it was that he didn’t show mercy.

The dorm room was empty as he got ready. Harry felt a strange sense of purpose. Like with the Philosopher's Stone or the Chamber of Secrets- this was the moment when he took charge and made his own decisions. No more secrets and being hidden away. Harry would fight for his parents. There was a sense of peace in that decision. This, he could do something with. It was infinitely better than the sense of waiting to be hunted he had been feeling all year.

“Harry, you look awful.”

Harry ran his hand through his hair in a useless attempt to tame it. “Nice to see you too, Hermione. Where is everyone?”

“They left,” said Ron, looking at him rather pointedly. “It’s the beginning of the holidays, remember?”

“Oh. Right.” Harry shifted under their scrutiny. He hadn’t remembered.

For a moment the silence stretched out long. Like someone had cast a charm to make time hang still. His friends seemed to be wanting something from him. Hermione was urging him with her eyes, but for what he didn’t know. He wondered if he should tell them about his deal with Snape.Maybe they could help…

“You slept late,” said Hermione. “It’s almost lunch. And…”

Harry raised an eyebrow. “And what?”

“And we’re worried about you, mate,” said Ron. Good old Ron, you could always count on him to be direct when Hermione was dancing around what she wanted to say. “We didn’t see you last night.”

“And we know you used your clock. And didn’t come back until late,” continued Hermione

“And we’re worried you might…might…” Ron stumbled over the words.

Harry glanced between them and felt his heart sink. They had rehearsed this conversation. They were treating him like he was about to break at any moment.

“Might what?” hissed Harry.

He needed to hear them say it.

“Worried you might do something stupid,” said Ron

“Like go after Black,” finished Hermione.

Harry’s face shuttered and he felt himself instinctively taking a step back. They didn’t understand. Of course they wouldn’t. How had he even thought for one second he could share his plan with them?

“Nice speech. When did you two become Fred and George?” He worked to keep the emotion out of his voice.

“Harry, please, don’t-” began Hermione.

“Of course not,” interrupted Harry “Black’s a fully trained dark wizard. I’m not stupid you know.”

Ron nodded his head as if that ended the conversation. Harry kept his eyes trained on Hermione. If anyone would push him it would be her, and he didn’t quite trust himself not to explode.

Hermione bit her lip. “Harry…”

“I’m hungry. Let's go to the Great Hall and see if lunch is out. I missed breakfast.”

Without waiting for a response, Harry moved toward the portrait hole. He stuffed his hands in his pockets to hide his shaking fists. He wouldn’t listen to Hermione lecture him. This was one thing they knew nothing about. Ron and Hermione had grown up happy and loved. What made them think they could ever judge him for wanting to get Black back for all the damage he had done to Harry's life? He scrunched his hands in the fabric of his jeans. Jeans that were 2 sizes too big with holes from Dudley, another reminder of just what Black had caused.

He could hear Ron and Hermione following behind him. Harry marched on without glancing back. In his mind's eye he saw his friends having a whole conversation with their eyebrows as they sometimes did when they thought Harry was in ‘one of his moods’. Well, let them talk; he didn’t care.

The great hall did not disappoint and Harry eagerly dug into his food. Piling his plate high with a sandwich and roll and whatever he wanted, bitterly thinking of how he hadn’t been able to do that his whole childhood. He felt them sit down across from him. The silence was eerie, filled with more of that expectation, but he refused to speak first. Eventually Ron started to eat too and even Hermione nibbled on some quiche.

Harry glanced up at the head table and saw Madame Sprout tucking into her lunch. He felt a spike of frustration that Snape wasn’t there. He had been hoping to catch the man and meet to hammer out a plan. The absurdity of him feeling upset at the lack of Snape almost made Harry laugh.

Ron and Hermione were still staring. Hermione with her increasingly worried frown and wrinkled brow.

“Not many people. I suppose most people went home for break,” said Ron.

It was like an exhale. Someone had popped the balloon, and now the tension was all deflating.

“You should have gone home,” said Harry, “Have a nice Christmas with your families. I would have been fine.”

“Nonsense,” said Hermione. “It’ll be nice to have a quiet common room for a bit. Imagine all the studying we can get done. I want to go over everything for next term. ”

Ron groaned. “Hermione, it’s a break. By definition you are required to rest.”

And then they were really back. Falling into comfortable old rhythms. Harry let their banter wash over him. This was familiar, this he could deal with.

It was when Hermione was discussing study plans and Ron began discussing quidditch practice that an idea occurred to him.

“Sorry. Can’t,” said Harry “I have to go to see Snape. I’m probably already late for my detention. He caught me walking around last night. ”

He didn’t add on that for once, that wasn’t a bad thing.

Harry nodded through Ron’s laments that Snape couldn’t do this to him on the holidays, and Hermione’s admonishment about being out after curfew, before jumping up and heading to the dungeons.

It was an odd feeling wanting to see Snape and avoid his friends, but he didn’t question it. Ron and Hermione were just too pure and good. Everything was so black and white with them. Good or evil. They didn’t see the merit in a little revenge, but Snape did. And, weirdly, it felt nice to be understood, even if it came from the strangest place.

He knocked on the door to the potions classroom and bounced on his feet, suddenly anxious. Maybe Snape wasn’t even there? It was break, surely the man wasn’t hanging around in his classroom. Why hadn’t that occurred to him before?

“Enter.”

Harry started and then smiled. Of course Snape was in his classroom on the first day of the holidays.

The door opened to reveal a Snape that Harry had never seen before. The man was wearing a casual shirt, had donned an apron, and was using a mortar and pestle to ground something. Three of the student work stations were taken up with bubbling cauldrons, each with a different set of materials laid out next to it. Snape's hair was tied back and sweat was forming on his brow. For how chilly the dungeons got in the winter the room felt pretty toasty with the fires from the potions.

Snapes glanced up at him without pausing in his work. “Potter, surely you have better things to do on your holiday than bother me.”

Harry shifted from foot to foot unsure what to do. Maybe this was a stupid idea. He should be in the common room playing chess with Ron and procrastinating his homework. But then he remembered the purpose for his visit. Snape was going to help him catch Sirius Black. For that, he was willing to risk the ire of the potion's master.

“ Professor, I just thought that maybe we should come up with a plan on how to catch Sirius Black. If we work together, maybe we can get him by the end of break.”

Snape gave him a shrewd look. “ If you're going to be here, Potter, you're going to make yourself useful. Go get an extra second year textbook and get to work on that potion. Page thirty five. Hopefully, even you can't mess up a half done batch of bruise balm.”

Harry hurried over to the cabinet and grabbed the first shabby book he saw before making his way to the station at the front of the room on the right. He looked at the potion and took a moment to figure out where Snape was in the brewing process. It occurred to him that Snape was making all these potions, at the same time, from memory. He grabbed the aloe vera and began carefully extracting the jelly.

“Sir, “ said Harry, when Snape did not seem to show any intention of talking. Of course the man wouldn’t make this easy on him. “About that plan…”

“I will handle that.” Said Snape. “I believe our deal was that you be the bait and I will do the catching. So simply keep doing what you have been doing.”

Harry ground his teeth. That wouldn’t do. Sitting around just waiting for Black wouldn’t satisfy this growing hatred. “Well, another part of our deal was that I get to curse him. So, will you at least teach me a nasty curse or two? Or maybe you can give me a pass to the restricted section and I can-”

“Definitely not.” Snape dismissed.

Snape moved to a new table with a potion that had just started to let off a white smoke. He grabbed a strange red looking bean and threw 3 into the potion making the smoke turn red. He pulled another ingredient toward him and began slicing it into small pieces with a practiced ease.

“Pepper up potion. For the hospital wing,” muttered Snape, at Harry’s questioning eyes.

Harry let out a sigh. If Snape wouldn’t tell him the plan to catch Black, and wouldn’t teach him dark spells, then what use was the man?

“That balm is going to need the aloe soon. Watch your timing.”

Sure enough, the potion was starting to thicken and turn a lumpy gray. Harry put in the aloe and began to stir vigorously.

“Sir, “ It took all of Harry’s energy to keep his voice level, but he knew that Snape would not respond well to him yelling again. “I need-I-Maybe there is something to do to be better…bait? What do you think?”

Snape snorted. “You would like to risk yourself further to be more tempting to Black? Don’t worry, your natural affinity for trouble is taking care of that. As is evidenced by your wandering around the castle alone at night without telling anyone where you were.”

“So, you think I should do that more? Or maybe I should wander the grounds alone? In case Black can’t get into the school itself?”

“Ah yes,” Snape’s voice took on a hard edge. “There is nothing better than honoring your parents' sacrifice by risking your own safety to assuage your anger. Tell me, what do you think your mother would think of you gallivanting around like fresh meat on a full moon?”

Harry glared. “That’s the whole point! I don’t know what she would think, because of Black.”

“Surely your aunt has told you something of your mother,” said Snape. “Use some critical thinking Potter, or perhaps I am expecting something outside your capacity.”

Harry hurried the pace of his stirring. The Potion was starting to come together now and a smooth goop was forming, he would have to cut the fire soon. “ My aunt doesn’t like it when I ask questions, and she likes it even less when I mention my mother. All I know is what I hear when the dementors come close.”

Snape stopped working and regarded him. He was eerily still after the flurry of potion making. “That should be enough. Think, Potter! And turn off the fire on that potion, before you ruin it.”

Harry scrambled to turn off the fire, and also think of a good comeback.

“Most people don’t sacrifice themselves for their child to live to the ripe old age of 13.”

When Harry looked up Snape had moved to stand across from him. His teacher was staring down at the potion in disapproval. It looked lumpy and had a strange slimy texture.

“Add some more arnica powder and stir like your life depends on it,” said Snape, shaking his head. “You know, Lily would have never made a mistake like that. She was quite skilled at potions.”

Harry’s hand, halfway to the arnica, froze. Had Snape just made a comment about his mother?

“My mother was skilled at potions?” Harry repeated to confirm that he wasn’t hearing things.

“Yes.” Snape didn’t look at him. He was back to tending the pepper up. “Potions was one of her best subjects; potions and charms.”

Harry gulped, a lump forming in his throat. He had been in the wizarding world for two and a half years now and all he had managed to learn about his mother was that he had her green eyes.

“Was she studious?” whispered Harry.

He tried to breathe as he threw in the arnica and began to mix.

“Relatively. Lily was fascinated by the magical world, most of the time. I think she enjoyed her homework to some degree. She made head girl in her final year at Hogwarts.” Snape responded matter of factly.

So many questions, but none of them could form. Harry busied himself with mixing while he frantically tried to get his mind to settle. Snape bounced between his potions and seemed totally unaffected. He couldn’t help but stare at Snapes back. Of all the people to tell him about his mother, this would have not been his guess.

“If that’s done, begin jarring them for the hospital wing.”

The sharp voice grounded Harry and he nodded. Working mechanically now, he retrieved the jars and got to work. In his peripheral vision he could see Snape beginning to vial his potions too.

“Please,” Harry’s voice came out small and weak. “Tell me more about her,”

For a while Harry thought Snape wouldn’t answer him. Wouldn’t it be like the potions master to torment him? But then…

“Lily…saw the good in everyone. She was smart, and kind, and quick witted.” Snape wouldn’t look at him. “Her humor was dry and sometimes dark. Her favorite food was strawberry cake; she asked for it on every birthday.”

Harry blinked. Hard. She sounded just as amazing as he had imagined she would be. He finished jarring the bruise balm in silence, not daring to ask for more. For now, this was enough. His heart ached. How he longed to know her, to have been cherished by her. Harry stacked the jars forcefully, his mind coming full circle again. This was all Blacks fault.

Far from deterring him, Snape had galvanized his resolve.

“She sounds amazing.” Said Harry, finally breaking the silence. “And that’s why I need to catch Black. To make him pay. Please, Professor, teach me something to make him suffer. We need to catch this bastard.”

Snape’s eyes were a storm. “You're not getting a pass to the restricted section from me, Potter,” he finally said, “But…”

Harry watched carefully as Snape moved around to his desk and pulled out a bit of twine and vial stopper. He waved his wand and the twine was transfigured into a chain, then the stopper became a pendant. He whispered over the pendant. The magic felt thick and
Harry could even see small silver sparks shoot out of the wand. Snape twisted his wand in a complex circle and then seemed to pull the magic with the tip of his want towards his left hand. For a moment they were connected by an invisible silver string, and then the magic faded from view.

“Take this.” Snape held out the chain. “It won’t last forever, but it should last long enough. Press on the pendant if you see Black. Press it to call me to you.”

Harry slowly reached out his hand and took the necklace.

“I’m serious, Potter,” said Snape. “Press on the pendant to call me to you and I’ll make Black suffer for what he did.”

Snape gave a smile so vicious that Harry found himself nodding.

“Okay.”

He motioned to the necklace. “Put it on and don’t take it off.”

Harry reached up and secured the necklace, stuffing it under the collar of his shirt.

Snape nodded in approval. “Now go away. I have things to do.”

It wasn’t until Harry changed into his pajamas that night that he noticed the lily detail on the pendant.

XOXOX

“Don’t tell me- you have another detention with Snape,” said Ron, shoveling more eggs onto his plate.

Harry shrugged. 3 days into the holidays and his days had taken on a routine. Everyday he lied to Ron and Hermione and told them Snape still had him in detention for being out past curfew. Then, he would go down to the dungeons where, inevitably, Snape would grumble and set him to completing some task. But then, as he worked Snape would seemingly take pity on him and throw him scraps of information. Stories, anecdotes, preferences of his mother, whatever Snape felt like divulging that day. Then, hours later he would return to Gryffindor tower to be peppered with questions.

“He can’t!” said Hermione. “It’s Christmas eve!”

“You want to tell Snape that?” said Harry

Hermione glared toward the staff table as if she would see Snape there, but, as always, he was not at breakfast. “You should tell Dumbledore! This is an abuse of power. It’s the holidays! I can understand 1 detention, but 4? It’s ridiculous.”

“I’m fine, Hermione,” said Harry, “Really, I doubt he’ll have me there tomorrow and it's just some cleaning really. Not a big deal. Tomorrow’s Christmas, we can open presents and relax all day together.”

At the mention of Christmas Harry felt a noticeable stillness. Ron and Hermione seemed to be eying each other in that way that was insisting the other explain first.

“Okay, what’s wrong?”

Losing the game of chicken, Ron cleared his throat. “It’s about Christmas actually.”

Harry shoveled more eggs in his mouth and waited. And waited. When still nothing was forthcoming he looked up. “What about it?”

“Well, Mom’s gone a bit spar about having us all gone at Christmas,” said Ron. “Especially after what happened last year with Ginny, she’s saying she wants us all home.”

“But…you didn't take the express back?” said Harry, confused. “Seems like you kinda missed that.”

Ron nodded, shifted in his seat and gave Hermione another pleading look before continuing. “Yeah, but she messaged Dumbledore. All but demanded to have me floo’d home, and well when mom gets in a tiff even Dumbledore won’t say no. So, I have to floo home tomorrow morning. It's only for 2 days. At most.”

Harry pushed down his sadness. He would have expected at least an invite after such a nice time at The Burrow the summer before second year. But, he couldn’t really fault Ron; if he had a family worth a damn he’d be with them at Christmas.

Sensing Harry’s mood Ron rushed on. “Mum really wanted you to come too, but Dumbledore said no. Something about the wards at Hogwarts and Sirius Black. She really wanted you to come have a proper Christmas, but seeing as…well…you're not her kid she couldn’t force it.”

Harry’s hand tightened on his cutlery and he kept his face pointed down to try to hide his expression. Black had taken yet another thing from him.

“It’s fine, Ron.” he managed. “I’m sure Hermione and I will have a nice time. Just don’t be gone too long or Hermione will teach me all of next term before it even starts.”

At the continued stillness and the look Ron shot Hermione, Harry’s stomach fell. He pushed his plate away. “Let me guess? You're going too?”

Hermione looked like she might cry. “I’m sorry, Harry! I mentioned to mom in a letter that Ron was going home and then she wanted me to do the same, and well…now I’m Flooing to the Leaky Cauldron tonight for them to pick me up.”

“Right,” said Harry tightly.

“It’s only for 2 days,” said Hermione. “We’ll be back before you know it.”

Harry pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled slowly. “Right. It’s fine. I’ll have a nice quiet Christmas alone. Still miles better than being with the Dursleys.”

That didn’t seem to reassure his friends. Hermione looked like she wanted to hug him and Ron was pointedly not looking at him.

“Really, it’s fine,” said Harry, not sure if he was trying to convince them or himself.

Ron clapped him on the back. “Sorry, Harry, I hope you understand.”

He didn’t. He never would. But, it was the kind of thing you said, so Harry nodded.

“Oh! I did have one favor to ask you!” said Ron, “Do you think you could keep an eye on Scabbers? Can’t take the pets through the floo and I don’t trust that ruddy cat.”

Hermione shot up. “Crookshanks is a good cat!”

Harry listened idly to the bickering for a moment before standing. “Look, I better get to detention with Snape. I’ll watch out for Scabbers…and Crookshanks. Just leave out their food and stuff.”

He didn’t even wait for the thanks that he knew would come before withdrawing to the dungeons. This feeling of rather being with Snape than his friends was now becoming more familiar.

The potions master was sitting at his desk writing something when Harry arrived. He didn’t even bother to knock; Snape knew he was coming.

“You're earlier than usual Potter.” Said Snape, without even looking up. “Get the ingredients for a bruise balm. You will be remaking it- without messing it up this time. A double batch is always useful for madam Pomfrey.”

Harry headed right for the storage cupboard. Snape hadn’t given him the recipe yet but he remembered the ingredients from just a few days ago. He grabbed a small pewter caldron and piled everything inside, before returning to start setting up at one of the front workstations. When he had returned the brewing instructions were written on the board behind where Snape was working.

As Harry got started he glanced at Snape. He wondered how long it would be before he threw out a random fact about his mom this time. He didn’t know what the potions master's motivation was, but it didn’t matter. Harry was like an alley cat that had been thrown a scrap and kept coming back hoping for more. Anything was better than nothing, and slowly, slowly, he was starting to get a sense of what his mom had been like. A hazy picture was starting to form of what life with his Mother could have been.

“I remember telling you not to mess up this batch.”

Harry froze and glanced down. He had just been about to throw his first ingredient in. He squinted at the board to see what he had done wrong. It was a bit hard to read from here. He puzzled at the words, and tried to make sense of the blur or recall the steps.

“Potter, are you having trouble reading the instructions?” Said Snape. The man had stilled in his work and was watching Harry closely.

“Erm. Sorry, Professor. I’ll figure it out.” Harry squinted harder, blinked forcefully, blinked again. He readied himself for the insult.

With a muttered oath Snape waved his wand at a bit of parchment that he then shoved towards Harry. Scrawled in Snape’s neat writing were the instructions for the potion. Oops… The first step called for heating the boswellia sap, not seed.

He put down the seeds and reached for the jar of sap. He could feel Snape's eyes boring into him and determinedly did not look up.

“When was the last time you had your eyes checked?”

Harry froze and risked a glance up. No snark?

“Umm…been a while.”

“You should speak to professor McGonnagal about it before term starts.” Said Snape.

Harry measured out the sap. “Why?”

“What do you think a head of house is for Potter?” Snape rolled his eyes and resumed his work. “Fix your eyesight before you melt a cauldron in my class.”

Harry pursed his lips but didn’t dignify that with a response. It had never occurred to him to go to McGonnigal for something like new glasses.

“You know,” said Snape, lazily. “ One time in fourth year Lily was forced to work with Potter in Potions. They bickered so much they put the heat too high and missed the timing of the dragon scales. It caused their potion to explode and melted part of their workstation.”

It took Harry a moment to realize that when Snape said Potter, he was talking about James Potter and not himself. His mind raced with the new information. So James had been in the same year as his mom, who was in the same year as Snape…and Black. They had all known each other. He almost asked a question about his dad, but stopped himself. Snape had all but spat his name. And the story had not been exactly positive. Was Snape trying to tell him that his parents hadn’t gotten along?

He finished the rest of the bruise balm while thinking over the story Snape had shared. Short though it may be, it revealed so much.

At Snape’s nod of approval, he jarred all the balm and cleaned up his work station. That was 50 more jars of balm for the hospital wing.

“Are you going to keep up this farce tomorrow, Potter?” Said Snape, just as he was wiping down the table.

“That depends, are you going to tell me your plan to catch Black?” Harry said with a smile.

Snape did not seem amused. “Press on the charm if you see Black.”

Harry sighed. “No. I won’t bug you. It’s Christmas, I assume you're going to be visiting with family or something, anyway.”

“Considering it is Christmas,” said Snape, “ perhaps you could take one day off your vendetta and visit with your gaggle of Gryffindors.”

“Oh.” Harry fidgeted with the cloth. “I’ll be all by myself. Ron and Hermione are flooring home for a few days.”

Snape crossed his arms. “I find it hard to believe that Mrs. Weasley did not extend the invite to you.”

Harry barked a laugh. “Well, until my…what did you call it? Vendetta is complete, that won’t be happening. Apparently it’s not safe for me to leave Hogwarts with Black out there.”

Snape seemed to be considering the situation.“Perhaps the Headmaster would be inclined to let you floo home for a few days. Even Black could not surpass the blood wards, I am sure.”

“Naw.” Harry forcibly shook his head. “I’d rather be at Hogwarts alone. Anywhere is better than the Dursleys.”

Harry threw the cloth in the hamper at the back of the room. “Merry Christmas, Professor.”

Snape picked up his quill and renewed his work. “Stay out of trouble, Potter. I shall be very displeased if my holiday plans are disrupted by you getting yourself killed. Even you should be able to manage one day of peace.”

“Why Professor!” sneered Harry, “I didn’t know you had so much faith in me!”

Before Snape could respond, Harry was out the door.

Christmas Day

On Christmas day Harry woke to an empty dorm room. He started up at his canopy bed and simply existed for way too long. It was so quiet. Not one creak. Not one word. He was utterly absolutely alone. He was used to being alone surrounded by people, but this emptiness felt bereft. There was no one to put on a show for. Harry supposed he should appreciate that he didn’t have to pretend. The problem was without some kind of something pushing him, he really couldn’t even find the will to get out of bed.

Eventually, he dragged himself to the bathroom. There was a fleeting moment of awareness, where he considered taking a shower. But…

He would have to gather his things, and wait for the water to warm, and maybe get water in his ear, and dry off, and wait for his hair to dry off. And once he was clean shouldn’t he brush his teeth? And he couldn’t very well put on his Pyjamma’s, the ones he had been wearing for 3 nights, again once he was clean-which meant he would have to dig in his trunk for something to wear. And frankly nothing was as comfortable as these pyjamma’s. And who was he trying to impress anyway?

So, he didn’t take a shower.

Instead he went back to bed. The blankets wrapped around him like a bandage to his frayed mind. It was a good bed. The most comfortable one he had ever had. Harry could still remember his excitement when he got into it for the first time. An actual pillow that was fluffled wider than his hand, more than one. And a real mattress. Back then, it had been heaven. He supposed it still was. If he had to choose one thing about Hogwarts he liked best, it wouldn't be the magic, it would be the bedding.

So, he stayed in bed.

He told himself it wasn’t anything. It was just a time to indulge himself and this was exactly what he wanted to indulge in. Untempted by breakfast feasts and presents, Harry didn’t move from bed until 11am.

He would have stayed in bed even longer, but there was a squeaking noise that made him jump up. Right, he had promised Ron he would feed Scabbers.

“Sorry buddy. Getting your food now.”

The old rat scampered over at the noise of his food hitting the bowl.

“Now you stay here. As long as you’re in here, you're safe. I have to go feed Crookshanks now.”

It took way more energy than it should have to walk down to the common room to feed Hermione's cat. Crookshanks had been waiting for him and tried to sneak into the dorms when the door opened, but Harry shooed him away with his foot.

He glanced at the presents for him under the tree as he passed. There were 4 small packages; Ron, Hermione, Mrs.Weasley and Hagrid. On the way back to the dorm he grabbed Mrs. Weasley’s and left the rest.

Back in his bed, his sanctuary, he pulled on his new sweater and nibbled on some mince pies. It left crumbs on his bed and that would disgusted aunt Petunia, which made Harry all the happier.

Eventually boredom set in, but not enough to actually want to do something. It was a boredom without the motivation for action. He didn’t want to open the rest of his Christmas presents, and he definitely didn’t want to do more homework. Some part of him kind of wanted to go bother Snape, but the man surely wouldn’t be in his classroom today. Besides, it was too much work to put on clothes anyway.

Harry opened his trunk and glanced through his belongings. It was boring. All of it. And depressing. Just school books and some quidditch magazines. It was times like these that he wished the wizarding world had TV. But then his eyes fell on the Marauder's map. A sense of mischievous giddiness overtook him.

“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.”

As the ink began to appear there was a squeaking. Harry glanced over at Scabbers. “It’s okay. Crookshanks can’t get you through the door. Go take a nap, you old thing.”

The rat squeaked again, but Harry ignored him. He flipped the paper around until he had a view of the dungeons. Sure enough, there was Snape, not in his classroom, but still in his quarters. Harry was surprised to note that he seemed to be alone, maybe the man would leave for Christmas dinner at a relative’s later. The professor had mentioned he had Christmas plans after all.

He glanced at the Slytherin common room and chuckled when he saw Markus Flint and someone named Sarah Everdale very close, almost on top of one another. Laughing to himself, he went in search of the Hufflepuff common room to see what else he could find.

Eventually, even spying on people became boring when he didn’t find any other salacious dots. Harry had spread the map wide now and it took up the majority of his bed. He sighed and leaned back, only to immediately jump up again.

He hurriedly scanned the parchment. Fudge was sure that Black was trying to get into Hogwarts, indeed, maybe even was hiding somewhere in Hogwarts. What if he used the map to find him? Heart pounding Harry checked more methodically now. He started on the left and worked his way right. He went to skip over the Gryffindor common room and stopped.

Most of the students had gone to the feast. One 5th year was in the girls' dorms. And there were the 3rd year boys dorms. He saw himself…

and Peter Pettigrew?

Every hair on his body stood on end. Harry jumped out his bed, upending the last 2 mince pies. He spun in place and looked around frantically. He saw no one. Even Scabbers had gone off somewhere.

Heart pounding Harry, pulled out his wand with one hand and grabbed at the pendant Snape had given him with the other.

Peter Pettigrew? Why did that name sound familiar?

“It was little Peter Pettigrew-another of the Potter friends..” Fudge's words suddenly came back to him.

“Pettigrew…that little boy who was always tagging around after them at Hogwarts?” Rosemerta had said.

But..he was dead? Wasn’t that what Fudge had said? Blown to bits by Black?

Harry leaned over the map again. It took him a moment to reorient himself and yes, There he was, and there it was clear as day. Peter Pettigrew.

Right behind him.

Harry spun, a spell on his lips. Nothing.

He felt nauseous. Something was wrong. He felt it in his bones. He turned to look back at the map. Maybe. He scanned for the Gryffindor common rooms again and his eyes froze for a second right outside the Fat Lady. A new name. One that conjured rage inside him like never before.

Sirius Black.

Harry was so distracted, he didn’t notice the arms wrap around him before it was too late.

One arm wrapped around his neck and the other ripped his wand out of his hand and threw it across the room. He felt the tip of another wand, Peter Pettigrew's wand, dig into the side of his head.

“Don’t move.” The voice was hoarse and quiet, like he hadn’t spoken in a very long time.

Harry froze in place. “Why are you doing this? Who are you?”

The arm tightened around his neck. “You saw the map, you know who I am, boy.”

“Pettigrew? Aren't you dead?” said Harry. His mind felt sticky. His eyes frantically tried to look at the map again. He was sure he had seen…

The door bust open.

Before them stood the dirtiest man Harry had ever seen. Clothes that were no better than rags, long lanky unwashed hair, and crazed eyes that were focused on him.

“Black!” Harry instinctively lunged for him.

It didn’t matter that he didn't have his wand and that he was 13, he was going to rip Black apart with his bare hands.

But the man holding him captive had other plans. He held Harry in place, pressing the wand into his head so hard that it would probably bruise. There was a hissing and yowling from the door and Crookshanks ran into the room.

“I said don’t move, Potter!” screamed Pettigrew.

Pettigrew tightened his hold on Harry’s neck. After a moment he jerked his wand to cast a stupify that hit Crookshanks and made him fall sideways. Harry watched helplessly.

Black’s face slowly transformed into a twisted smile, filled with madness. “How lovely to see you again, Peter. Just the rat I was looking for.”

Black began to walk into the room; His steps measured. He held up a wand and pointed it towards them.

“Careful, Sirius,” cautioned Pettigrew. “You wouldn’t want me to hurt the boy.”

At this, Black stopped. The bastard probably wanted the joy of torturing him all to himself, thought Harry. His mind was taking on a loud screaming noise.

The man who had killed his parents was right there. He needed to take revenge, but what the fuck was Pettigrew doing? And how did he get out of this one. If only there was someone who could help.

Wait.

Harry reached up and frantically pulled at the collar of his shirt. Pettigrew seemed to think he was trying to pull his arm away, and tightened his grip dangerously. Gasping for breath Harry pulled out the chain, fumbled for the pendant and pressed it.

Nothing happened.

“Let him go, Peter,” exploded Black “ This is between us.”

Frantic, Harry began kicking his legs out. His aim rang true and Pettigrew cursed as his foot connected with his shin. The grip on his neck became even tighter and Harry’s vision began to swim.

“Stop mo-”

Harry kicked out again.

Pettigrew cursed under his breath. “Stupi-”

Black lunged, forcing Pettigrew back and making his shot go wide. Harry took advantage of his momentary surprise and pulled himself free. He lay on the ground for a moment grasping for breath, watching as Pettigrew and Black fought each other.

There was a bang, and suddenly, Pettegrew seemingly disappeared. Black screamed with such rage, that for the first time Harry realized that Black was a fully grown dark wizard out to kill him.

Screaming and cursing Black had started running around the dorm room apparently set on destruction. He flipped over Seamus’s bed and was going for Ron’s, when Harry regained his strength. He should probably run. Who knew if Snape was actually coming? But his logical mind was gone. In its place was a rage like he had never known before. He still didn’t have a wand, but somehow that didn’t even matter.

Screaming his own battle cry, Harry ran forward and jumped on Black back. He wrapped his arms around his neck and squeezed for all he was worth. He became a rabid thing, kicking, and cursing and scratching with one goal- Hurt Black as much as possible.

Unfortunately, Black seemed undeterred by his ire. He jerked his back as if to shake Harry free, but otherwise continued his destructive spree. He flipped Ron’s mattress off the bed in one movement. The man looked like he could have been snapped in half and should have been weak as a baby after weeks on the run, but instead he seemed fueled by an unnatural strength.

Black finally paused in flipping beds and seemed to realize that he had a wand. He muttered a spell and Scabbers came flying out from under a bedside table. Black caught him with one hand and held him upside down by the tail, whispering a spell all the while. After a moment the rat went still, and Scabbers hung from his fingers like a perverse trophy.

“What did you do to Scabbers, you Bastard!” screamed Harry. Kicking again, harder now.

Black let out a chilling laugh. “Yes! I have you, you son of a bitch!”

“Not if I don’t get you first!” yelled Harry.

There was a bang as the door to the dormitory was thrown open. Snape stood in the doorway, looking frazzled as if he had run there. His wand was pointed directly at Black's head.

“Snivellus?” Said Black, incredulously.

Snape's mouth twisted in disdain and there was no hesitation as he yelled out “Incarcerous!”

The rat fell from Black's hand as ropes sprung forth from Snape's wand to incapacitate him. Harry let himself fall off his back and landed unceremoniously on the floor. Thick ropes were methodically wrapping up and down Black’s body until, in seconds, he was laying on the floor wiggling like a worm. To Harry’s delight he saw that the man had also been gagged. Snape wordlessly made Black's wand fly to him. He looked frantically between Snape and Scabbers.

“I will so enjoy handing you over to the dementors.” hissed Snape.

After two and a half years of potions class Harry had thought he knew exactly how Snape looked at someone he hated, but clearly he had been wrong. The level of hatred and disgust on Snape’s face oozed into every part of his being and came off him in waves of loathing.

And Harry smiled. This was exactly what he had been waiting for. He scrambled onto his knees and began searching for his wand. His mind rushed though every hex that he knew. Which one should he cast first?

“How I hoped I would be the one to catch you,” said Snape, wand trained on his prey. “I want a front row seat for the kiss. Nothing will bring me greater pleasure than seeing the light leave your eyes.”

Giving up on finding a wand, Harry stood and circled back to stand by Snape. A strange feeling was overtaking him. The past 5 days he had done nothing but dream about catching Black, and now the time was finally here. The man who delivered his parents to Voldemort lay prostrate before him.

It was time for Harry to take his revenge.

Harry stepped forward and put everything he had into an almighty swing of his leg. His foot collided with Black's stomach and the man let out a strange gasping noise. Before he could curl into himself, Harry swung again, and again. His mind lost to the desire to hurt Black.

After the third kick he felt someone's hand on his shoulder. Right, he had forgotten Snape was there. The man was pulling him back and looking at him with…concern? Harry glared and stepped away, crossing his arms. He didn’t know what Snape was playing at, but Harry had only begun his retribution.

“Let’s hear what the traitor has to say for himself,” said Snape. “Look into the eyes of the child you orphaned and explain. EXPLAIN YOURSELF.”

“You-you- have to listen to me!” Black’s face had gone pale. “The rat! Look at the rat! It’s Peter. I swear. Harry tell him.”

Harry was not in a forgiving mood. He rushed forward and kicked Black again. As Black groaned he spat on him for good measure. “Fuck off! you disgusting piece of shit!”

“Wha-” Black lay gasping on the floor. He stared at Harry in confusion. “It’s Peter. Please…Snape.Severus. It’s Peter. He was here minutes ago. He’s transformed again. You have to believe me.”

Harry was back to scanning the room for his wand. Simply kicking Black was not going to satisfy him enough. He had read this one spell and if he could pull it off…well Black wouldn’t be able to talk though the pain.

“I don’t have to believe a word out of your mouth,” snarled Snape.

“You do if you want to protect Harry!” shouted Black. “ Peter, he was an illegal animagus. A rat. Ask Harry, he was here. I’m not- Please-”

Snape looked bored. With the tip of his shoe he gently kicked at the unconscious rat. “Potter, was there anyone else here?”

“There was someone else here. But, isn't Pettigrew is dead?” Said Harry distractedly. “That’s Ron’s rat, Scabbers though.”

He glanced under Dean's bed and almost screamed in joy. His wand! Harry snatched it and jumped to his feet.

“There was someone else here?” said Snape sharply.

“Not someone!” yelled Black “Peter! Please. He’s an animagus!”

“SHUT UP!” screamed Harry. He pointed his wand directly at Black’s head. He was gripping it so tightly his hands were turning white. “What does it matter? Black’s the one who killed them. He’s the one we’re after. He’s the one who’s going to pay!”

Black’s face seemed to pale even more. He tried to move again and just succeeded in flopping on the floor like a fish.

“You- If you knew the truth. Please,” said Black, becoming a bit more frantic. He looked to Snape. “Legilimize me.”

“I have no desire to be in your head Black,” said Snape.

Harry smiled viciously. The blood was rushing in his ears. “What curse should I use?”

The giddiness in his own voice scared him a little. Just a little. Not enough to stop.

Snape seemed to pause. His eyes became slits as he further took in the scene before him. “Potter, was Pettigrew here?”

“Maybe. That’s what he called him at least.” Harry shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.”

Harry began to move his wand to incant, but Snape placed his hand over Harry’s stilling his movements.

“Don’t be a fool. If Pettigrew was here, that is noteworthy, since he should be dead.” Snape once again prodded at the rat on the floor.

“I don’t care,” seethed Harry “I want my revenge. NOW. You promised me.”

Snape didn’t seem the least bit moved. In fact, he pushed on Harry’s wand arm until his wand pointed at the ground.

“Legilimize me Snape,” begged Black. “Please…if you don't, James and Lily’s real murderer will still be out there. And he’ll be back for Harry. Please!The Rat- Look at the rat. Please!”

“Silence,” spat Snape at Black. He spun on Harry. “Potter- Don’t. Move. Contain yourself.”

Harry glared back, but he didn’t dare lift his wand again when Snape's voice promised detentions until the end of his Hogwarts days.

The potions master walked over to stand near the rat, next to Harry's bed. He waved his wand over the animal and whatever he found made his eyebrows almost touch his hairline. He looked up, scanning the room; for what? Harry didn’t know. Seeing something, Snape walked towards Harry’s bed and started down at the bit of parchment that lay there, still open.

“Potter, what is this?”

Oh. No. The Marauders Map. He had left it open! Crap. Snape would definitely take that.

Seeing no way out of this, and sensing that Snape was not in a very charitable mood, Harry conceded defeat. “It’s a map of the school.”

“It show’s people?” questioned Snape sharply.

Harry gulped. “Yeah.”

“The map! The Marauders Map! It never lies!” said Black.

There was a hint of hope in his eyes that Harry didn’t like. “I told you to shut up. Forget again and I’ll blast you to bits.”

Snape stalked towards them wand raised at Black. He bent down and placed his wand right between the traitors' eyes. Harry smiled at the look of terror in Black gave him.

“Legilimens.”

Harry’s smile faded as nothing more dramatic than an eye staring contest seemed to happen. The professor stood still staring down unblinking at the convict for much longer than was normal. When the spell was finally released Black seemed to wilt into the floor, sweat decorated his brow as if he had just run a marathon.

“You idiots,” snarled Snape.

The professor was ignoring everything in favor of inspecting the rat now. He leaned down and hissed a long latin phrase. Scabbers became engulfed in blue light, twitched and lay still again.

“I cannot believe Lupin did not inform anyone. The idiocy is astounding. Although, I suppose, I should not be surprised.” Snape was conjuring a small metal box now.

“Hey!” said Harry. “ Professor Lupin’s really nice.”

“Of course you would think so,” said Snape in derision.

“Remus is a teacher now?” said Black, his eyes were assessing Snapes movements. “And you teach? Let me guess- Potions.”

Snape ignored Black, in favor of roughly placing scabbers in the box he had conjured.

“That’s Rons’rat-Scabbers,” said Harry, in confusion.

“Man education at Hogwarts is not what is not what it used to be.” All the tension had left Black’s body. If it weren’t for the ropes, he would have looked like a man who had just decided to lay down on the ground for a nap.

Harry’s every muscle tensed. He felt hot all over. How dare Black relax on the ground and make small talk.

“I said SHUT UP!” He spun and landed another kick to the man before Snape stopped him.

“Potter, I distinctly remember telling you to contain yourself.” Snape’s ironclad hand on his shoulder was pulling him away from a gasping Black.

Harry spun on Snape. “How dare you! You promised me revenge! You’re just going to let him lay there and have a rest. What is wrong with you! Make him pay!”

Snape held up the cage. “Stop and think for one moment, you simpleton. This is no mere rat. This is Peter Pettigrew in animagus form. That means that Black here did not kill him. When I legilimized him I further found out that Black was never your parents' secret keeper. That honor went to Pettigrew. He is the one who betrayed your parents.”

Harry’s mouth opened and closed as his mind worked to think that all though. “Pettigrew was my parents secret keeper? But-No- everyone said it was Black…”

“Well, we didn’t want people to know it was Peter.” Black glanced at him wearily, as if worried he would be kicked again. “It was easy enough to let everyone think it was me, and lure them away from Peter. When I found out what he’d done- well I wasn’t about to let that stand. He knew I would kill him for his betrayal, so he faked his death. Yelled out a whole bunch of crap, transformed into a rat and framed me for it. The Aurors weren’t that interested in my version of events. It’s not like anyone even knew Peter was an animagus.”

“What’s an animagus?” said Harry.

Snape rolled his eyes. “The education at this school does seem to leave something to be desired. It is when a human can transform into an animal. I believe you have seen Professor McGonnagall transform into a cat?”

“Does she still do that trick on the first years?” said Black “Always scares at least a few muggleborns.”

Harry ignored Black. “So Pettigrew betrayed them.”

Snape nodded. “Yes.”

“As nice as this is, think you could let me out of these ropes now Snape?” said Black. “Now that we know I’m not trying to kill Harry? My back isn’t what it used to be and this position’s making me ache something fierce.”

Snape hesitated a moment, but then waved his wand. The ropes dissolved into nothing and Black stood up gingerly.

Harry’s eyes locked on the cage. “Are you kidding me?! You mean to tell me that Ron’s rat is actually the man who betrayed my parents? I’ve been living with him for more than two years!”

Black made a face. “That is rather disturbing.”

Harry reached for the cage, but Snape moved it just out of reach.

“Give it to me, ” hisssed Harry.

Moment of confusion over, the rage was coming back, fiercer than ever. So, Black had been the wrong person to go after, but they had Pettigrew. They had the culprit and Harry intended to make him pay. It would be so easy to squish the rat where he lay unconscious. No, that wouldn’t be satisfying enough. He would make Snape revive him and then let fly. He wanted to see the pain in his face.

Snape and Black shared a look that reminded Harry all too much of the coordinated lecture from Ron and Hermione.

“I don’t think that’s wise, Potter.” Snape’s eyes were hooded with concern. “We need the rat alive.”

“He killed them!” yelled Harry. To his horror he could feel tears gather in his eyes. “He deserves every bit of rage I’ve got. I told you, Professor, I want to see him ripped limb from limb. Just because it’s Pettigrew now hasn’t changed that.”

“Believe me, Potter, a sentence Azkaban is worse than any hex you know.” Said Snape, He moved the small cage even further from Harry.

“It is,” whispered Black.

Harry shook his head. He couldn’t fail his parents like this. The man who killed them was right there. Every nerve ending in his body screamed vengeance.

Harry lunged forward. “GIVE HIM TO ME!”

But rather than grab the cage, he ran right into Black. “I can’t let you do that, kid. That rat is my ticket to my freedom. No one will believe me without him alive. I’m not going back.”

Harry struggled against him for a moment. He tried to reach around, to gain the upper hand, but is was not use. Malnourished though he may be, Black was still a good foot taller. Even if he got past Black, there was no way he would get passed Snape. The potions master was watching Harry with cold, impassive eyes.

A feeling of helplessness washed over him. He couldn’t exact his revenge. He had failed. Waves of misery crash down. Harry’s breathing grew jagged. Skin clammy, body shaky. The adrenaline was gone, and in its place was an emptiness that he didn’t know how to handle. The tears finally spilled onto his cheeks and to his horror he began to cry. Big ugly gasps, the likes of which he hadn't allowed himself in years.

Strong arms wrapped around him. Black was pulling him closer into an embrace. Harry weakly pushed away, more out of habit than anything. He had no memory of a hug like this, ever. But the man just held on tighter, hand coming up to rub Harry’s back in a way that made him sob. He could see Snape looking on, face no longer impassive and instead full of concern.

They could have been there minutes or hours, all Harry knew was that he couldn’t make the crying stop. Once it had started, it simply needed to all come out. Neither Snape or Black said anything, which Harry was thankful for. But finally it calmed down to a manageable hiccup.

“That’s it.” Said Black, leaning away a bit so he could see Harry. “I know this is a bit weird, but I don’t suppose you know I’m your godfather?”

Harry laughed and nodded. “Yeah.”

The transformation a smile could make was truly astonishing. Black’s eyes glittered with a new kindness and beneath all the grime he could see a glimpse of the man from the photograph of his parents' wedding day.

“Wait,” said Harry. “Does- Does that mean I’m going to live with you?”

The smile fell from his godfather's face. “No. I wouldn’t think so. I’m not going to rip you from the only family you’ve ever known. Besides’ not really sure I’m quite fit to take on a kid right now.”

Something twisted in Harry. He thought of saying how much he would like to be taken away from his family. But all that came out was a muted “Right. Of course.”

Snape caught his eye then. The man was positively staring. He didn’t seem the least bit concerned about inserting himself into a private moment.

“Time to see Dumbledore,” said Snape after a moment. “I would like Madame Pomfrey to give you a check over too, Potter.”

“I probably need a check too,” said Black, wincing as he touched his ribs. “Remind me never to get on your bad side Harry.”

Harry muttered a ‘sorry’ as they began walking through the common room. Snape led the way, hawk eyes turning back every few steps to seek out Harry; as if checking that he was still there in one piece.

The day after Christmas

After spending an hour listening to Snape and Black explain everything to Dumbledore, Harry had been shoved down to the hospital wing for a check up. Madame Pomfrey had complained about missing Christmas dinner, dabbed him with bruise balm and released him to the cranky Aurors for questioning.

Evidently, the auror’s were just as annoyed as Pomfrey at being bothered on Christmas and had decided to take out their mood on Harry. Question after question, each one more stupid than the last. Snape had sat nearby, ready with a snarky comment everytime the aurors were a little too grumpy with him. Eventually, they got sick of being told off by Snape, and let Harry go back to Gryffindor.

A house elf had been by to sort out the dorm room, so Harry all but toppled into his bed and fell into a deep sleep.

He woke to Hedwig knocking on his window. She was clutching a special edition of the Daily Prophet in her beak. Harry felt numb as he started down at the headline.

SIRIUS BLACK CLEARED OF ALL CHARGES!

It was a special addition of the paper; only 3 pages. He glanced through the articles.Who was Peter Pettigrew? Harry Potter’s Christmas Kidnapping! Secrets from Godric's Hollow- What really Happened the Night the Potters Died? They had an hour by hour timeline.

Harry threw the paper to the side as if it burned him. What utter trash.

He managed to talk himself into taking a shower today. Harry took his time and let the warm water wash away the worst of his dark thoughts. By the time he emerged, dressed in day clothes at last, there were 4 owls waiting for him.

“Wow. You lot are very fast.” Harry rustled in his trunk for some owl treats and began scanning his letters. Ron, Hermione, Hagrid, and Neville. The usual suspects. He took his pile of letters and walked down to the common room; There were still Chritsmas presents to open down there after all.

The day passed slowly. It was the day of relaxation that Christmas should have been. Harry hid in Gryffindor tower, mind too busy to face anyone. Hermione had sent him a new book to read and he nibbled on the candy from Ron. Crookshanks curled on his lap, finally at rest now that Scabbers was gone.

HPHPHPHPHP

“Potter, is there some reason that you have decided to completely stop eating?”

Harry jumped so hard he almost knocked poor Crookshanks off his lap. It was mid morning on December 27th, and he had been looking forward to another day of hiding from the world. What the hell was Snape doing in Gryffindor tower?

“Professor, what are you doing here? How-how did you get in here?” Harry lifted Crookshanks and stood. He felt unsettled sitting with Snape hovering over him.

“You were not complaining when I saved your hide 2 days ago,” spit Snape. “ No one has seen you in the Great Hall since Christmas eve. Now, you will answer my question, why have you not been coming to meals?”

Harry shrugged. It struck him as strange that Snape even cared. Had the man been watching him?

“I had some candy Ron sent me,” said Harry, too stunned to say more. No one except Hermione complained about his eating habits.

Snape made a guttural noise that showed exactly what he thought of that. “Have you spoken to Lupin? Or Black?”

“Ummm…” Harry shifted from foot to foot. “No? Was I supposed to?”

He found himself yet again under his potions masters assessing gaze.

“Am I to take it, you also have yet to speak to Professor McGonagall about new glasses?”

“No,” said Harry slowly. “It’s the holidays, sir? I don’t think she’s even here.”

Snape’s mouth was so thin it was in danger of disappearing.“You have 10 seconds to get your winter clothes.”

“Wha-?”

“Nine.” Snape crossed his arms and began looking around Gryffindor common room as if there was a bad smell he couldn't quite identify.

Seeing no way out of this one, Harry ran up to his dorm room to find his coat. He grabbed the overly large hand me down from Dudley, and nicked Ron’s hat, scarf and mittens. The Dursley’s gave him the bare minimum, which always meant his fingers froze in winter. Maybe he should ask Mrs. Weasley to stop sending him jumpers and instead make him some nice mittens next year.

Snape gave him a passing glance to see that he had what he needed, spun on his heel and strode for the portrait hole. “Follow, Potter.”

Harry rushed to keep up and put on his coat at the same time. Snape was in no mood to slow down. Harry shoved the mittens in his mouth and frantically wiggled his coat zipper. Dudley must have done something, because it always got stuck. He managed to be ready just in time to follow Snape out of the front doors. Finally able to follow without also trying to dress himself, Harry saw that Snape had on his winter cloak. Had he been planning this from the beginning?

The teacher pulled out his gloves from some hidden pocket and slipped them on. “Do keep up, Potter.”

Snape marched them right past the gates and all the way to Hogsmeade. Harry didn’t question his luck. He was just excited to be able to explore the town without the cover of his invisibility cloak. Most of the shops still had their Christmas decorations up, and the snow gave everything a cozy quaint homey feel. It was much less crowded then it had been on the Hogsmeade weekend, and Harry found he liked the calm sleepy feel of it all.

To Harry’s surprise Snape headed into the three broomsticks. Compared to last time, the pub was almost empty. They settled into a seat in the corner by the fireplace.

“Hello Professor Snape!” Rosmerta had come over to take their order. She smiled down at them both. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you here, and with a student no less. Color me surprised!”

Make that both of us, thought Harry.

“I’ll take a mulled wine and a serving of your stew,” said Snape, clearly in no mood for small talk. “What do you want, Potter?”

Rosemerta’s eyebrows went up at his name. Her gaze was suddenly turned to assess Harry, searching for the tell tale scar.

Harry pointedly tugged his hat down. “A butterbeer please.”

“Order something to eat.” Snape had picked up a discarded newspaper and was pursuing it. “I insist.”

“Ummm…fish and chips?”

“Coming right up!” said Rosemerta. She gave Harry a broad smile. “Sounds like you could use a good meal after the Christmas you’ve had.”

Snape snorted.

Harry blushed. “It’s nice to be able to come to Hogsmeade.”

“Of course. I’ll be right back with your drinks, dears.”

Harry stared at Snape. What was the man thinking? Why had he brought him to Hogsmeade?

“I don’t have any money with me,” said Harry, “I can-”

Snape lowered the paper. “I do not need your money.”

“But-”

“Paying for your meal is significantly easier than the paperwork I will have to do if you starve yourself to death,” deadpanned Snape.

Harry shifted in his seat and bit his tongue. If Snape wanted to pay for him, then fine.

“I trust you saw The Prophet yesterday?”

“Yes,” said Harry, “They work fast.”

“Indeed.” Snape gave Rosmerta a closed lip smile as she placed their drinks down.

Harry took a sip of his butterbeer and felt his body relax. There was no killer after him anymore, there were no classes for more than a week and he was having lunch at the Three Broomsticks. Not a bad combination, even if he was with Snape. Maybe a week ago, sitting across from Snape having lunch would have been torture, but after spending so much time with him all week, this really wasn’t so bad. In fact, now he wondered if maybe he could get more stories of his mum out of Snape.

“Did you ever come here with my mum?” said Harry.

Snape pursed his lips, no doubt surprised that Harry wasn’t dancing around the topic like he had in his pretend detentions. “Yes. Quite often.”

That made him feel a bubbly warmth that spread up until he couldn’t help the wide smile he gave Snape. The professor looked away and took a sip of his wine.

The rest of the lunch passed surprisingly comfortably. The Three Broomsticks turned out to have the best fish and chips Harry had ever had (Not that the Dursleys had let him have take away too often), and Snape’s company wasn’t too bad either. They chatted about the school ghosts and Harry’s homework. Snape even slipped in a couple of stories about his mom’s reactions to some of the stranger parts of Hogwarts.

When their bellies were full and plates were empty, Snape paid for the meal and bid Harry to follow him.

What happened next would have shocked Ron unconscious. First, Snape took him to a glasses store, where he demanded Harry get 2 pairs. Then, he dragged him to a clothing store. At first Harry had been reluctant to get anything, but the professor had given him such a dressing down about the state of the clothes he had seen the past week that, beyond embarrassed, Harry had begun grabbing new shirts and pants until his professor was satisfied.

“Honestly, Potter, from the looks of you your family never bought you anything to wear at all,” groused Snape as they left. “I am doing a community service so that the rest of us don’t have to watch you wear trousers that are 3 sizes too big and ripped all over.”

“They’re just Dudley's hand me downs,” said Harry, defensively. He didn’t think it had been all that bad.

Snape glared down at his jeans all the more. “Are your relatives lacking the funds to provide you with clothes that fit?”

“No,” snapped Harry. “But I’m not their kid. Not exactly going to spend money on me are they? I was kinda forced on them.”

“They have been raising you since 1 year old, for all intents and purposes, you are their child,” rebuked Snape.

Harry rolled his eyes. “Yeah, well, you tell them that.”

Snape grabbed one of the shopping bags from Harry and began walking toward the school. Harry had to rush to keep up again. He blinked at the town. With the new glasses he could make out every detail of the holy decorating the window ledges and the Christmas paintings on the windows.

At the edge of town Snape stopped so suddenly that Harry almost ran into him. “What do you think of Black?”

Harry shrugged, then realized that Snape couldn’t see him. “He seems alright. Don’t really know the bloke.”

“And yet you wanted him to take custody of you.” Snape had turned to watch him now. “I noticed your disappointment when he said he could not.”

Harry shifted the shopping bags in his hands and looked away. He didn’t want to talk about it. He had let his guard down and said too much. His life at the Dursleys had never really been a secret, but he didn’t exactly go around talking much about it either. It was something he had learned early in life.

“So, what?” said Harry. “Not like it matters.”

“Potter, you never go home for Christmas. You told me outright you would rather be alone than be with your relatives. They don’t purchase you clothes or new glasses. They tell you that you are not their child and treat you differently from your cousin.” Snape rattled off the list and then stared at him in challenge. “I wonder what else they do that you haven’t seen fit to mention? Clearly, you like them so much that within minutes you went from wanting to kill Black to wanting to live with him.”

Harry kicked at the snow. He wondered what Snape would say about the cupboard under the stairs or being locked in this room. Clearly the man had a dim thought of him skipping meals; what would he think if he knew that in the summer Harry was regularly forced to live on one meal a day?

A bitter anger surged through him. Snape had treated him like crap since he started at Hogwarts and now he expected Harry to confide in him? He had half a mind to curse him out. But the man was still Snape and would definitely have him scrubbing cauldrons for the rest of his evenings at any sign of disrespect. Plus he had bought him lunch.

“It's none of your business.”

Snape stared down at him. “I am making it my business. And when I want to find something out I always succeed. Always, Potter. ”

This time Harry couldn't hold back his retort. Detentions be damned. “Bugger off!”

Snape's eyes narrowed dangerously. “I wonder what your relatives would have done about such disrespect? A whipping perhaps? Push you around a bit? Leave you a nice shiner? Perhaps a few cuts? No. Worse than that I wagger, maybe-”

“Oh Shut up!” yelled Harry. Snape did always know exactly how to get under his skin. It seemed the man was hellbent on making up some crazy story to fit his delusions. “Nothing as bad as all that, I just had to spend a few days in my cupboard!”

Snape’s smile of satisfaction chilled his heart. He had been played. Manipulated so successfully that Snape had managed to extract one of his biggest secrets. Harry found that he couldn’t bare to look at him. In fact, an itchy jittery feeling was rising in him, so strong that he didn’t know if he could bare to be himself.

“Your cupboard?” Snape stalked towards him, like a predator that had cornered its prey. “Explain yourself.”

Harry began walking back to the castle rather than dignify that with a response. He had to fight to keep his breathing from coming in sharp jagged gasps. He didn’t want Snape to know just now much he had unsettled him. After a moment, he could hear Snape following behind. When they got to the castle, Harry snatched the shopping bags, muttered a thank you and disappeared back to the safety of Gryffindor tower.

He made sure not to go to dinner, just to piss off Snape.

HPHPHPHP

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Harry groaned and rolled over in bed. He fully intended to stay in bed all day. Snape be damned.

Tick. Tick .Tick. Squawk.

He opened his eyes to see a rather frantic looking owl banging on his window. Fine. The blankets thrown to the side, cold assaulted him. It only got worse once the window was opened allowing in the cold breeze. Harry shivered and glared at the unfamiliar barn owl. This had better not be another letter about the stupid Prophet article.

The owl hooted and dutifully held out its leg.

Untie the letter. Treats for the owl. Back under the covers to hide.

Reluctantly Harry inspected the letter. He didn’t recognize the handwriting. He opened it and almost gasped in surprise. Professor Lupin was inviting him to lunch with Sirius Black.

He stared at the missive in indecision. He had planned a wonderful day of self pity, hiding in his dorms. Missing meals, of course, to bother Snape. It was hard to shift himself from a day of wallowing to an afternoon spent learning more about his godfather.

But, did he dare pass up an opportunity to be with his fathers best friend? The hungry ally cat in him, starved for stories about James Potter, rejected that at once. But would it be worth the effort it would take to put on real clothes and make small talk?

Harry sighed. Yes. probably. He had the rest of the holidays to hide away, who knew when he would hear from Black next.

Decision made, he flipped over the parchment, scribbled a quick acceptance and sent it off with the owl. He quickly readied himself and shrugged into some of his new clothes before heading downstairs.

Wearing the clean, well made garments he bought yesterday did make Harry feel a little guilty for how he had treated Snape. He has never felt so warm walking the halls of Hogwarts in his casual clothes before. The hoodie Snape had insisted he buy was particularly soft. But still, that didn’t give Snape the right to pry into his life. It wasn’t like the professor could do anything about it either, he was just being nosey.

“Harry, it’s so good to see you!” Said Lupin, smiling broadly. The man looked like he had deaged 5 years. His eyes twinkled and for perhaps the first time all year he didn’t have bags under his eyes.

“It’s nice to see you too, professor.” Harry smiled back tentatively.

Black was standing just inside the classroom. He had cleaned up nicely. A shower and new clothes had done wonders. A bit of the playful happiness from the picture of his parents' wedding shined through.

“Hi.” Black shifted from foot to foot. “Oh bugger it. Come here.”

Suddenly, Harry found himself wrapped in a hug. He tensed. Physical touch, especially from an almost stranger, was not something he was used to. Oblivious to his discomfort, Black patted him on the back twice before pulling away.

“You’re a dead ringer for James,” said Black, wetness shining in his eyes. “Except for the eyes.”

“I have my mum’s eyes,” finished Harry.

Black nodded. “Well I’m just glad I got to meet you. And that you didn’t kill me. Not that I blame you considering…”

There was an awkward pause. Harry didn’t quite know what he was supposed to say to that.

“Let’s go sit down.” Said Professor Lupin. “The house elves sent us up a beautiful lunch.”

Harry followed his teacher to the front of the classroom, where several desks had been pushed together to hold an impressive spread. After skipping dinner and breakfast, Harry’s stomach growled at the sight.

Lupin handed him a plate. “Please help yourself.”

Smiling, Harry loaded his plate until he couldn’t possibly fit anything else on it. The adults watched on with amusement.

“Nothing quite like a teenager's hunger,” said Black. “Remember how much James used to eat after quidditch?”

“I’m surprised the kitchens had any food left by the time he was done.” Lupin was servicing himself a much more modest meal.

Harry sat down at a desk and began eating. He didn’t quite know what he was supposed to say or what he should do with his hands, and the food provided a nice distraction.

“ Harry, how much have you learned about the past?” said Lupin “My friendship with your father?”

“Most of it,” said Harry, blushing. “I know- I know that you’re a werewolf and that they all became illegal animagus to be with you. And about the secret keepers and things. I was there when he explained it all to Dumbledore.”

Lupin nodded encouragingly, the light dulling in his eyes. “I realize this puts you in a bit of a predicament, but do you think you could keep that to yourself? If the students knew I was a werewolf I’m rather worried there would be a school wide panic.”

Black gave him a sharp look and reached out a hand towards his old friend before letting it fall to his lap.

“I won’t tell anyone,” said Harry, “and for the record, It doesn’t bother me. You’ve been the best Defense teacher I’ve had yet.”

“Ah. Thank you, Harry.” Lupin pointedly busied himself with his food. “I appreciate that.”

Black cleared his throat. “So, Harry, I hear you're quite the quidditch player. Youngest seeker in a century.”

It was Harry’s turn to be embarrassed. “I like quidditch. Nothing like being on a broom.”

“You definitely got that from James. He was a great chaser. Was on his broom every chance he got.” Black’s eyes looked haunted. His hungry eyes made Harry shiver. It was as if Black didn’t see him, and only saw the parts of him that were like James.

It used to annoy him how little Snape had talked about his mom, but now he began to understand. It seemed like Black was barely able to talk to him without referring to the past, only willing to see the similarities. Half there at lunch, and half lost in a memory. But Snape saw Harry in the present, while remembering the past. The difference was startling.

“Well, I got you a Christmas present. Sorry it’s a bit late.” Black smiled. “I’ve got a few years to make up for.”

He picked up a large package, as long as Harry was tall. It was wrapped in a merry white and red striped paper with gold embellishments. Just the shape of it made Harry's heart hammer loudly in his ears. It couldn’t be.

But it was. A new broom. A Firebolt.

His hands ran lovingly over the fine polished wood. “Sir, I couldn’t possibly accept this.”

“Sir?”Black barked a laugh. “Please, call me Sirius. I am your godfather after all. And I insist. I have a lot of missed birthdays and Christmases to make up for.”

Harry let his fingers linger on the broom for a moment longer. It was the best present he had ever received, except for maybe when Hagrid had come to tell him he was a wizard.

“Thank you, Sirius,” said Harry, breathlessly.

Sirius beamed back at him. “I expect to see you use it to trounce Slytherin in the next match.”

“They won’t stand a chance,” said Harry

The lunch fell into a comfortable rhythm then. Sirius and Remus began recounting James Potter’s quidditch glory days. That had led to a general retelling of their Hogwarts days. Tales of mischievous pranks and fierce comradery that had Harry mesmerized. It seemed like his father had been smart and charming to a fault. Practically ignoring school, yet somehow acing every test and spending his spare time between detentions making objects like the marauders map to help with the next prank. Sirius and Lupin seemed to come alive. He could see the long forgotten playful schoolboys in them, as they bounced off each other like Fred and George.

“Did Potter eat?”

Sirius froze in the middle of his story, to glare at Snape who leaned casually against the doorframe of the Defense classroom.

Snape’s eyes seemed to seek out Harry’s plate.

“He has a detrimental habit of skipping meals,” said Snape, with a shrug.

Lupin cleared his throat. “Yes. The house elves provided us quite a feast.”

Snape showed no intention of moving. He looked as if he was calculating something, and in no hurry to figure out the answer.

“Would you-uh- like to join us, Severus?” said Lupin, after an awkward moment.

Sirius and Harry wiped their heads around to give the werewolf an incredulous glare. Sirius looked like he was physically biting his own tongue.

“Don’t mind if I do,” said Snape with vicious pleasure.

He stalked into the room, black robes billowing behind him. Every bit of his face screamed condescension. He eyed the food critically, before turning and pulling a chair to sit down next to Harry.

“At least, Black has found a shower and no longer smells worse than the Gryffindor quidditch team.”

Harry rolled his eyes.

Sirius’s fists were clenched. “You’re one to talk, Snape. I see you still haven’t figured out how to wash your hair.”

“Sirius,” said Remus warningly. “Need I remind you both that it has been 17 years since we were at Hogwarts.”

Harry glanced between the two of them. From the stiff way Snape was holding his back and the fists Sirius was making, he wasn’t completely sure that it wouldn’t come to a first fight. From the little history he managed to put together, he gathered that Snape and Sirius were no more likely to become friends than he and Malfoy.

Finally, Snape gave a sniff as if he did smell something bad, and brushed a piece of non-existent lint off his robe. “I am glad that you chose to take my advice, Lupin. At the very least we can ensure Potter ate once today.”

“Stop watching what I eat.” Harry shifted his chair away a bit.

“Leave him be,” said Sirius

“No,” said Snape, slowly, savoring their outraged reactions. “I don’t think I will.”

Sirius stood in a swift movement that made his chair screech against the floor. He banged his fists on the table and leaned forward until he was inches from Snape's nose. “Now see here Snape, you’ll leave Harry alone or we’ll have a problem.”

Snape almost smiled. Almost. “I’m positively shaking in fear.”

“He’s my Godson!” yelled Sirius.

“Unfortunate as that is for him,” said Snape, “I hardly think it matters considering you hardly know the boy, and until 2 days ago his dearest wish was to torture you within an inch of your life. Perhaps I should have let him.”

Sirius worked his jaw for a moment. “Well, I’m proud of him for wanting to avenge his parents.”

“Of course,” Snape smirked. “You have such a close connection that I had to all but demand Lupin invite Potter round for tea.”

Harry watched the glare on Sirius’s face falter. It was true. He had only even been invited to see them because Snape had pushed them to. His gut twisted. Just when he had thought that maybe he had an adult who actually cared about him, it turned out that Sirius was being talked into spending time with him.

“Maybe-Maybe I should go,” said Harry quietly. He hadn’t meant to sound so pathetic. “You don’t need to fight about me.”

He made to stand, but Snape grabbed him by the shoulder and pushed him back into his seat.

“I am not done yet. Stay right there,” hissed Snape.

Sirius was looking at Harry with impossibly wide eyes. “Harry, it's not like that. Please understand, I have had a lot to settle these past few days. I’m so glad I was able to see you today.”

“But it was professor Snape's idea?” Harry stared forward, refusing to give them anything.

“I- Yes,” sirius whispered. It seemed to pain him to admit it. “But, I'm so glad to see you. You’re just like James really. I see so much of him in you. Could almost confuse you for him, really.”

Harry twisted his lips in a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. He understood. He understood that Sirius saw Harry as some kind of way to get his friend back. He didn’t actually see him.

“Black we need to talk,” said Snape, interrupting their moment. His hand was still heavy on Harry’s shoulder and it gave a little squeeze.

“Why should I listen to anything you have to say?” Black hissed. “You’ve done nothing but insult me since you got here.”

“Because I helped Potter and I saved his life and yours,” said Snape. “And, frankly, I think that’s worth you at least hearing me out.”

Lupin reached out a hand and took the arm of his friend. With a little push, Sirius leaned off the table and took a seat. He crossed his arms and considered his school yard rival. Lupin gave a jerk of his head with a pleading look. His eyes screamed ‘get along.

“Fine,” spat Sirius “but make it quick.”

Snape took his time. He squeezed Harry’s arm again. An attempt at reassurance, but that just made Harry all the more anxious. The potions master's gaze was fixed on Lupin and Sirius. It was clear that whatever he had to say he was worried would not be received well.

“Potter,” began Snape slowly, “ needs to be removed from the custody of his aunt and uncle, and you’re the only one with the legal rights to do it.”

Black’s mouth fell open in bewilderment. “What?”

Harry jumped up from his chair, shoving Snape’s hand off as he did. “How dare you? What gives you the right? After how you’ve treated me for years, do you really think this is any of your business? Leave me alone.”

“They leave you with rags for clothes, and no glasses.” Said Snape, clearly having memorized his list from the day before. To Harry’s horror, Snape glanced at proffesor Lupin as if to make sure the man was paying attention to the ways the Dursley’s had failed him. “You told me they do not like you and treat you as if you are not their child. You never go home at holidays. You received no Christmas present from them. They lock you in a cupboard-”

“Oh Fuck off.” Harry clenched his hands into fists and willed himself not to punch a professor. Every instinct in him was telling him to run, but he had to make Sirius understand; He couldn’t have this be his first impression with his Godfather. “You have no idea what you're talking about!”

“Harry!” Lupin admonished. “Speak to Professor Snape with respect. He’s concerned.”

Harry glared at him. He couldn’t believe his favorite professor was taking Snapes' side.

“Did they or did they not lock you in a cupboard, Potter?” asked Snape, calmly.

“That’s-That’s- It’s got nothing to do with anything!”

“Harry,” said Sirius. He looked solemn and more serious than he ever had, even when they were catching Peter. “Is what Severus saying true?”

Harry bit his lip. Anger, white and hot, was cursing through him. A blush of humiliation was rising in his cheeks. “Oh it’s Severus now? You hated him 1 minute ago and now you’re buddies with him? You trust him over me? I’m fine at the Dursleys. I’m not some messed up kid who can’t take care of himself!”

Sirius shared a look with Lupin and then, in tandem, they both looked toward Snape. The only noise in the room was the sound of Harry’s ragged breathing.

“Harry, did your relatives ever lock you in a cupboard?” Lupin asked. He may as well have been asking about the weather. It was a practiced polite tone, that begot the steel in his eyes.

“You're making it out to be some big deal. It was fine,” pleaded Harry. “I’m fine. Really.”

Sirius pursed his lips and looked away. “Just one time?”

“Yeah, Just the once,” Harry readily agreed.

“Really?” said Snape in that predatory way that made Harry’s heart skip a beat. “Would that be why your Hogwarts letting was originally addressed to the cupboard under the stairs?”

Remus closed his eyes, as if to hold himself together from the shock. Sirius seemed frozen in place. He was losing them. They were slipping away. Harry could feel it. Why did Snape have to stick his nose in and ruin everything? He hadn’t forgotten the last 2 years, but he had thought that maybe after the last week they were past it. But now, Snape was here clearly with some Slytherin plot to drive a wedge between him and his Godfather.

“The truth this time, Harry.” Sirius couldn't even look at him. “Please.”

Harry fell in on himself. Hugging his middle trying to be small, and invisible. He would rather be sitting in the darkness of the cupboard than having this conversation, but something about the broken tone in Sirius’s voice made him realize he couldn't lie again.

“It was my room before I came to Hogwarts,” said Harry, voice hollow. “They locked me in all the time.”

A soft gentle touch was squeezing his arm again. Snape was staring at him with far away eyes.

Harry shook his hand away. He wanted none of Snape’s comfort.

“How long would they lock you in for?” Said Lupin, in that robot polite voice

Harry shrugged. “Hours, days. Depends on what I did.”

Snape squinted at him, like he was some kind of difficult puzzle that was starting to be solved.“Did they feed you in there?”

“Not really,” admitted Harry. “But, I was okay, I always nicked some food when I made the meals.”

“Meals you made, but were not permitted to eat?” clarified Snape.

Harry nodded at his shoes. “Well, I got the leftovers most of the time.”

“He cannot stay there.” Snape only had eyes for Sirius.

Sirius’s head fell into his hands. The man let out a keening sound, and they all heard him gasping to breathe. Harry watched as professor Lupin jumped into action. Rubbing his back, whispering something, trying to get him to breathe slower, then finally reaching into a pocket in his friend's cloak to give him a potion. Sirius downed the potion and sat for a few moments, completely still, sucking in air.

“Damn it,” muttered Sirius. He reached forward and banged on the table punching it with each word. “Damn it. Damn it! Damn it!”

Anger over, the broken man seemed to slump with defeat. Tears formed and fell freely. Lupin reached for him again, rubbing his back and shushing him like a child.

“You’re right, Severus,” said Sirius. “He can’t go back. But I’m not fit to be raising a child.”

He spun towards Harry, tears streaming down his face. “I’m sorry, Harry. I’m so so sorry. I want to help. I really do. But-But look at me! I keep having these panic attacks and flashbacks. I’m just- I’m not fit to have a kid. Not now. Maybe in a few years?”

Harry nodded. “I’m fine. Really. I don’t need saving from the Dursleys. It’s fine.”

“No.” Snape’s voice was hard. “You will not be going back there this summer. It is not fine.”

“But-but-” Sirius seemed to be getting more frantic now, despite his potion.

Lupin glared up at Snape, a hardness in his eyes Harry had never seen before. “That’s enough, Severus.”

“Take custody of him, legally you're the only one who can, and I’ll take him,” said Snape. “I will watch him all summer long, and during the school year for that matter.”

Harry gasped. His arms fell to his side and he rushed towards the man, stopping just before he bowled him over.

“Are you kidding me? You hate me!” He turned to Sirius. “You can’t just give me to Snape! It won’t be any better than the Dursleys!”

“Well I can guarantee you food and a proper room,” snape Spat.

“You hate me!” inisted Harry.

“No,” said Snape firmly. “I made mistakes in the past. I misjudged you and I only saw the Potter in you. But, You also belong to Lily and I swore to her that I would protect you. I would never betray that promise. Never.”

Harry shook his head, disbelieving.

“Why do you think I agreed to help you catch Black? I wanted to protect you from doing something idiotic to yourself. And your first year, even you must have figured out I was countering Quirrel’s curse on your broom.”

Harry couldn’t seem to speak, or move, or do anything besides shake his head.

Snape became more fervent. “ I have come to know you this week, Harry. I couldn’t hate you if I tried. You’re more than either of your parents, and I quite enjoyed your visits.”

“I-” Snape averted his eyes. For the first time in Harry’s memory he looked vulnerable and unsure. “I would like the chance to get to know you more. To fulfill my promise to your mother.”

No one dared to move. The power of that admission was not lost on anyone. Harry couldn’t quite process it. So much had happened, in such a short time. So much had been said. But one thing was clear- Snape wanted to keep him safe. Snape wanted to protect him from Black, and Quirrell, and the Dursely’s and his own harebrained schemes.

“What do you say Harry?” said Sirius “It’s up to you. Just say the word and I’ll call my lawyers, and get custody. You can stay with Snape until I’m feeling able to handle all this. I have to admit I’m a bit surprised by your relationship with Snape, but just say the word and I’ll respect it.”

Harry stared at his Potions teacher. Snape still had that open vulnerability in his eyes. Did he really want to go live with him?

“Yeah,” said Harry quietly. “Okay, I think- I think I’d like that.”

Sirius smiled. “Alright then. I have some Floo calls to make.”

Snape was smiling too. A true smile, with no smirk. He looked at Harry with a sense of wonder and pride that made his heart pound a little harder.

“Thank you for trusting me, Harry,” said Snape. “I won’t let you down.”

“Remus and I will also be here if you need anything” Sirius was pulling him into a hug. “Between the three of us, maybe we can keep you out of trouble.”

“That would be quite a feat,” said Snape with a quirk of his eyebrow. “What has he told you of his first 2 years at Hogwarts?

Epilogue:

Harry started out at the beach in wonder. When Severus had said they were going on a vacation he hadn’t quite known what to expect. He still couldn’t picture Snape lounging on the beach drinking pina coladas, but it was far better than his first assumption that they would be in a jungle somewhere collecting potions ingredients.

This cottage on the water had definitely outdone all his expectations. He breathed in the fresh air and opened his arms wide. For the next week he intended to live on this deck; he had never seen such a beautiful view.

“Go get unpacked, Harry. Then, we can go for a walk by the water.”

Harry smiled broadly. “This is amazing. Thank you so much for taking me on vacation with you.”

Severus frowned at him. “You do realize that going on vacations with one’s charge is completely normal.”

“I know. I know.” Harry rolled his eyes. Severus had made sure to tell him that at least once everyday since he had told him about the trip. “I’ve just never been on a trip like this before and it’s…nice.”

Harry blushed slightly at the admission. It had taken him a bit of time to get used to someone checking up on him. Severus had taken on the role of guardian with a determination and persistence that had chafed at first. It was strange to have someone check on his grades and make sure he made mealtimes. But now, six months later, he could appreciate the new feeling of safety. There was someone who was looking out for him, helping him and fighting for him at every turn (even if it meant fighting Harry himself).

“What did you expect? To spend all summer brewing and preparing the potions stores?” Severus teased. “I assure you I need a break just as much, if not more, than you do. Teaching you brats is not for the faint of heart.”

Harry stuck out his tongue playfully and laughed. He felt lighter than maybe he ever had, and almost giddy with excitement.

“When do Sirius and Remus get here?”

Severus’s lips pursed. “They will be here in 2 days. They have that cottage.” He pointed toward a small blue house a little ways east. “And yes, I will be nice, even if I do think Black hovers too much.”

Overwhelmed with happiness and caught up in the moment, he acted on impulse and grabbed Severus around the middle. It was a fierce quick hug, the first one Harry had ever initiated with him, and when he tried to pull away Snape gripped him tighter.

“It will be a good summer, Harry. I will make sure of it.”

Harry smiled into his chest. “I know.”