It was time for the winter holidays to begin. Harry would be staying with Snape because Dumbledore said everyone needed to go home so they could strengthen the wards now that Voldemort was back to full strength, and he wasn't going to stay with the Dursleys. Ron and Hermione were going home and they thought Harry was going back to the Dursleys. Of course they had not found out about the abuse. Dumbledore thought that the reason Harry was staying with Severus was so he could learn Occlumency better but the truth was, Harry had finally mastered it. It was about time too. Harry made his way down to the dungeons after he said his goodbyes to his friends. He would miss them. How would he last three weeks alone with Snape? How would Christmas morning be without Ron and Hermione opening presents with laughter and spirit. Harry knocked twice with his truck trailing behind him and Hedwig perched on his right shoulder.

"Enter," Snape called, knowing who it was.

Harry opened the door and levitated his trunk inside the room. "Sir," he greeted.

Snape packed up the rest of the papers he needed to grade and looked around the room once again for anything else he might need to bring. "I assume you've traveled by floo powder before."

"Yes sir," Harry said.

Snape nodded curtly and led him to the fireplace, holding out the jar of floo powder to the boy. "You may go first. It's Snape Manor," he said. He didn't want to go first only to have Potter run off as soon as he disappeared.

Harry threw the powder into the fire and unfolded himself out of it and dusted himself off. He was amazed at the size of the manor.

Snape stepped out of the fireplace, nearly bumping into the raven-haired boy. This was going to be a long holiday. "Alright, follow me and I'll show you to your rooms and tell you a few rules I have."

Harry dawdled behind him. He didn't want to be there. Snape said he wouldn't hit him but....what if Harry got in his way like he did Uncle Vernon. He wasn't safe anywhere....What if Snape was like Vernon? No....he wasn't. Harry tried to tell himself that but did he really believe it? He didn’t believe it. It was all just so complicated. "Yes sir," Harry said quietly deep in thought.

"My manor is large and easy to get lost in. There are four wings. The East wing contains your bedroom and all rooms there are free for you to wander through, though try not break anything. The South wing holds the kitchens and dining areas, the North holds the library, living room, study, etc. The West wing is mine. It holds my office and bedroom. Do not bother me there unless it's an absolute emergency, understand?"

Harry wasn't listening. He was very deep in thought. He didn’t know Snape was talking to him.

"Potter! I asked you if you understood," Snape snapped.

Harry jumped at the sudden tone of Snape’s voice. "What?" He said backing away as if Snape would hit him.

"Do you understand?" Snape asked slowly. "About the different wings."

"Um....yeah," Harry said but only because that would make the man happy. "I do."

"Okay," Snape said with a deep breath. "I have breakfast at 8am, you can join me if you'd like or eat on your own. Lunch is at 12 and dinner is promptly at 7pm. My house elf, Baz, will escort you there the first few days. To get him, you can just call his name, but I will not stand disrespect toward any house elf in my home."

Harry continued walking behind Snape. He didn't know where he supposed to go to eat because he didn't know his way around and he didn't ask.

Snape led the way up a sweeping staircase and down several halls before opening a large door to the guest room.

"This is it then?" Harry asked quietly.

"Yes, this is your bedroom, but as I said, you can feel free to explore the other rooms in this wing. There might not be much you will find entertaining, but your vacation would be better spent studying anyway. If you'd like to fly around outside, you can, but you must inform me first, understand?"

“Thank you. I understand. I won't get in your way," Harry said and then opened the door to his room.

"Dinner is at 7 as I said. Baz will show you the way when the time comes. Meanwhile, you can unpack your things.Try not to break anything or mess any of my things up. Other than that, you are a guest in my house and you will treat it as such," Snape said curtly before turning on his heel and leaving.

Harry walked in the room and started to unpack his things. What to do now? He found a couple of books and before he knew it it was 6:45. The little house elf came and led him to the dining room.

Snape was sitting at the long dining table, scowling at the newspaper when he heard the door open.

Harry walked into the dining room and didn't really know where to sit down. "Hello," Harry said making himself known.

"Evening, Potter. Sit where you'd like," Snape said, waving a hand dismissively at all the chairs down the grand table.

Harry sat in the closest chair to where he was standing and stared at the empty plate.

Snape looked up at Harry in surprise, having expected the boy to have chosen a seat at the other end of the table, but Harry had chosen a seat not too far away from the potions master. "We're having parmesian pasta and salad. Is that agreeable to you?" he asked, not wanting to feed the kid something he was allergic to or anything.

"Yeah that sounds really good," Harry said not really hearing what they were having.

The food was served and Snape distractedly ate, his eyes flickering between his newspaper and the young Gryffindor. "Is something the matter?" he asked coolly.

"No, nothing," Harry said. He didn't really want to eat too much. At Hogwarts he ate as much as he wanted but at the Dursleys he ate very little if at all. At Hogwarts he didn’t even eat that much usually. He didn’t know what he could eat now. Harry spooned a little bit of pasta and salad on his plate and swished it around his plate.

"Are you going to eat your food or just play with it?" Snape asked firmly.

"Oh, um..." Harry took a bite. "I'm eating," Harry said.

Snape rolled his eyes and continued to keep an eye on how much the boy ate.

Harry didn't eat much after that but he ate his salad finally and felt like he had a stomachache.

"Potter, is there something wrong with the food?" Snape asked sharply, annoyed at the boy for being picky.

"No, I'm not hungry anymore. I uh....had a big lunch."

"You weren't at lunch," Snape said with a raised eyebrow. "You're too thin, anyways. You're a teenage boy, you're supposed to be swallowing food whole and such. You're not leaving this table until you eat more, and from now on, tell me before the food is at the table if you know you don't like it."

"Professor, I really don't feel like I can eat all this food. It is too much," Harry said pointing to it all.

“How much do you normally eat at meals, Potter?" Snape asked suspiciously.

"I don't know. Um...a normal amount," Harry said slowly staring at the food but looking sick.

"Is this what you call a normal amount?" Snape asked.

"Um...I don't know. I eat until I am not hungry anymore. I’m fine," Harry explained.

"You are not fine," Snape said firmly, getting a bit annoyed. "How were you fed at your relatives? How much? How often?"

"I am fine! They fed me a normal amount three times a day," Harry lied.

"You're lying. If they had, your stomach wouldn't be so small and could hold more food. Now I told you already that I will not tolerate lying so I am asking you to tell me the truth," Snape said seriously.

"It is the truth! I am just naturally small. Some people are unlike my stupid oaf a cousin. He eats everything in this house. Bloody whale," Harry muttered.

Snape slammed down his fork in frustration. "Do you want to be known as a liar, Potter? Do you want me to never trust anything that comes out of your mouth? Is that what you want?"

Harry jumped a little in his seat. Snape reminded him so much of Vernon. "No," Harry said slowly getting himself together. "I just....I just don't think it matters. It never has before. Why should it now?" Harry sighed in resignation.

"Because now you are under my care and if I say it matters it does. Do you want to starve to death? Do you like being the smallest boy in your class? Do you want to have your body crash down because it's not getting enough nutrition?" Snape asked irritably.

"It's not like that! I don't have a choice!”

“What do you mean you don’t have a choice? They didn’t feed yet?”

Harry thought about his answer before quietly saying, “the only thing I get are Hagrid’s stupid rock cakes and cake from Mrs. Weasley for my birthday but that doesn’t last very long.”

“So you don’t get anything from the dursleys? Ever?” Snape asked the boy.

“Sometimes they do... I can usually scrounge up some food but not when they heavily lock all the cuboards “

“Snape was surprised to say the least. “Well, I-“

“I don't want to be the smallest guy in class but I have no choice because when I go to Hogwarts I am so used to eating so little that it hurts to eat more. I have to pretend to eat a lot so Ron and Hermione don't realize! I have had to do this for years!" Harry continued without even realizing the secrets that he was spilling.

Snape stared at the boy in shock. It seemed he had a lot of suppressed anger that he did an amazing job of hiding unless pushed passed his breaking point. And no wonder! It seemed the Dursleys were worse than Snape originally thought, if that was even possible. Snape controlled his anger at the family and nodded. "Well, the situation can be remedied," he said calmly. "We can slowly expand your stomach so it can hold more food. At every meal, we'll just have to make sure you eat until you're full and you'll have to try to eat just a bit more. You'll have to put in some effort with it though."

Harry was breathing heavily trying to hold back his tears. Why he felt like he was going to cry he had no idea. It was because of everything. All the pain, suffering, loneliness, abuse, everything he had gone through was all supressed and it felt like a tangle in his chest. Just a little bit of that tangle had been released.

Snape looked at the boy warily. It looked like he was going to cry, but if he did, he wasn't sure what he'd do. He'd never comforted anyone before. "Potter?" he asked cautiously.

Harry had to take control of his emotions. If he said anything he would be sure to break. "I'm fine," Harry managed looking at his food and forcing himself to eat a bite.

"That's, um...." Snape tried to find the words and kicked himself for sounding so idiotic. "Your relatives were really horrible, you know. You didn't deserve what they did."

"Whatever," Harry muttered and took three more bites rather quickly.

"They're monsters," Snape muttered before taking a thoughtful bite of his food. "I just can't believe you were left in that environment for so long without anyone noticing."

"Its hard to believe people haven't noticed....My Hogwart’s letter was addressed to the Cupboard under the Stairs. Those letters are sent by McGonagall herself." Harry muttered in the softer tone.

"Cupboard under the stairs?" Snape asked in confusion.

"Um...yeah. Nevermind." Harry said quickly.

"No, Potter, tell me right now," Snape said sternly.

"It was where I lived. I lived there until I was 11 and then I got moved back there when I was 14. I could have done something about it but...oh well. It's over." Harry said. He did not feel like it was over. The Dursleys hurt him The pain continued even now that they no longer hurt him. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that he had to have this bloody facade all the time either.

“Merlin's beard," Snape muttered. "They kept you in a cupboard? Those bastards."

"Stupid bastards," Harry said without realizing how much anger was in his voice. Harry just wanted to smash something against the wall. That was how he felt all the time. So much....so much to handle.

"Wait, Potter, you realize those letters are magically addressed, right? Professor McGonagall only makes sure they go out. You didn't think your head of house knew you were living in a cupboard and did nothing about it, right?" Snape asked anxiously.

"Oh...um, yeah I knew that," Harry lied.

"Good, because there is not a staff member at the school that would leave you at that place if they knew what was going on....except for perhaps Filch, but that man has deep psychological problems as far as I'm concerned," Snape said, the latter part more to himself.

"That isn't true," Harry said looking up. He blinked once.

Snape looked at him quizzically. "Of course it is."

“No,” Harry said.

"How can you say that?" he continued incredulously. "You're the Headmaster's star student. Dumbledore would have never left you in that sort of environment."

"He doesn't care about me. He just wants me to defeat the bloody Dark Lord. I begged him to stay at Hogwarts. I begged him to stay anywhere but my loving relatives house. Can I be excused?" Harry asked monotonously while taking another bite. He was beginning to feel as if his stomach was stretching. If he ate any more he would surely throw it up.

"No you may not. The Headmaster obviously didn't know what was going on there or he wouldn't have made you stay there," Snape said firmly.

"He would have to be pretty ignorant not to notice. Who cares though. I hate them. I hate them so much. They, they, they..." Harry took a few deep breaths. Why was he suddenly at the breaking point now? He had been before but never when he was with someone. It was always when he was alone...in his room....but he had always held his emotions back. He had always done that. He had never even cried for his godfather even though he felt like spilling tears everyday, every minute.

Snape could see Potter was on the verge of his breaking point and though he felt the urge to ignore the problem and let the boy run off to his room, another part of him knew he needed to let it out. "They..." he prompted. "Go on. They..."

“Nothing...nothing," Harry said with an uneven tone and took a couple more bites. He could not eat anymore.

"Pot--Harry," Snape said, the name feeling very strange to say aloud, "You're right, they're bastards. You should hate them. You didn't deserve what they did to you," he tried, hoping he was saying the right things.

"I didn't deserve anything...but no, I did. I got in his way. I got in their way and I was a nuisance. I snuck food and I...I.." Harry took a deep breath but said nothing after that.

"And what, Potter? You did what? How did you deserve it? You snuck food? What else did you do?" Snape asked furiously, not at the boy, but at his relatives. This was ridiculous, what had they been drilling into that boy? "How was this YOUR FAULT?" he bellowed.

Harry was shocked at the volume and persistence of the man. He was taken aback. What was he to say? He couldn't. Snape would never understand. Harry didn't want to shatter in front of anyone. He didn't want to ever even if he was alone. It was his fault. It WAS his fault! He snuck food and got in their way and took up space and was a freak. He reminded Petunia of how much she hated her sister and he scared the others. He was just a nuisance and a waste of space. Of course they wanted him gone. They wanted to hurt him... Harry was abused almost everyday and he could never tell anyone. He so wanted to have his last living relatives love him! He wanted to feel loved by blood! They did love him...he just got in their way. He needed love. He got pain but he needed love! Harry told himself over and over that it WAS his fault. They did love him. They cared about him. They cared if he lived or died. They cared if he was in pain. He just got in their way sometime. Harry wanted to get it all off his shoulders. He wanted the weight to be lifted. He wanted to scream, to yell at everything, to smash things against the wall. He wanted to cry! But he had never done that before and like hell would he do it now...after 15 years. The closest he had ever gotten to fully breaking was in Dumbledores office at the end of last term. He would just have to keep it all bottled up. Harry made a whimpering noise in the back of his throat and pushed the plate of food forward so it was close to the center of the table. He then put his head down on the table and put his arms around his head.

Snape looked at the boy and felt an unfamiliar emotion, sympathy. He wasn't sure what to do, his own parents had never been very loving, never there to comfort him so he didn't know how to comfort in return. He rose from his chair and slowly made his way over to Harry, sitting in the chair next to him. He gently put a hand on the boy's back. "Harry..." he started softly, not sure of what he was doing, "It wasn't your fault. You've got to realize it."

In truth, Harry knew that was true. He didn't want to speak though, in fear that he would burst into tears. "Professor....please...I...don't..want," Harry found himself letting out a sob. Oh great. He was so close to breaking. "talk," Harry finished and buried his head into his arms even more.

"Pot--Harry," Snape caught himself, forcing himself to use the boy's first name, realizing it was the only way to establish any trust, "look at me."

Harry picked his head up slowly and eventually made eye contact.

“Harry, it was your relative's fault. Not yours," Snape said. "Do you understand?"

Did he? Did he truly understand. Yes, yes he did, he just didn't want it to be true. Why couldn't he just be loved. Normal people were loved by there relatives. Harry somehow managed to nod.

"Then say it. Say It's not my fault," he instructed, completely unsure of what the hell he was doing.

Harry felt so embarrassed. He had to get his emotions under control! Harry took a moment and looked away. You're fine, Harry, you're fine. Harry lifted his facade back up. "Why?"

"Because I want to hear it coming from you," Snape said, leaving out the because I want to know if you really do believe it

"I....I...yeah it isn't my fault," Harry said.

"Look me in the eye and say it," Snape instructed.

Harry was getting annoyed. He looked at Snape and said, "It isn't my fault," and then picked himself up and walked to the next room without waiting for Snape's response