Severus watched helplessly as his son ran through the dank corridor, obviously anxious to get as far away from him as possible. Big surprise that. He slammed the door to the classroom shut behind him and considered his options. Try to follow Harry? And do what! Demand he talk to you? What could you possibly say anyway, idiot! Go to Dumbledore? He'd already done too much as it was. No, he thought, turning away from the corridor leading to the rest of the castle and heading to a little known, much overlooked passage. Much better to retreat to his rooms and consider this matter further. Besides, he had important research to conduct. He stopped before the portrait which hid the entrance to his private chamber and glared at it.
"If you're quite ready!" He snarled at the painting of a drowsy friar seated at a table with a bottle (now empty) of wine. Slowly lifting his face, the Friar Solemnis glared blearily at the hazy person standing before him. "Pass *hic*word."
"Tri Nitro Toluene"
"Hic, par'n me"
Severus strode impatiently through the doorway as soon as the portrait opened far enough to squeeze through. As the candles flared to life in his rooms, he took a moment to survey the rooms before him. From the dark blue overstuffed chairs before the book cases in the room he was standing in to the study lab he had furnished in the next room everything conveyed peace and relaxation to him. It was his retreat when the pressures of teaching idiot children or spying for Dumbledore got to be too much for him. He waited expectantly for the feeling of relaxation and well being that usually accompanied being in his rooms as he walked through the study to the cabinet containing his favorite liquor. Pouring a tumbler full of the finest Scotch he wandered aimlessly through the room, not really seeing where he was going. He finally settled in one of the easy chairs with a book on his knee. Maybe some light reading from the British Journal of Potions would relax him.
"This is ruddy useless!" He exclaimed loudly, throwing the journal across the room, spilling his drink all over the floor in the process. Leaning forward to put his head in his hands he gave in to the tormented thoughts that had followed him through the last several months, since Lily's letter came to him. Why. Why couldn't things have worked out differently. If things had been delayed only a week or two, he would have known Lily was pregnant before he left. If he'd returned a few weeks earlier, she would never have married James. Either way, Harry would have been raised in his home, and he would know how to be a father. Who was he kidding? The chances that he would have been a good father were pretty miniscule. Look at the mess he'd made of his own life, how could he hope to guide someone else's! Standing with a tortured groan, he strode into his lab. Brewing potions always soothed him, and Poppy was looking for more pepper up potion with the onset of cold weather.
Severus took great pride in the precise nature of his movements as he set up the equipment he needed to concoct the potion. There was a kind of poetry to potions he mused, retrieving the ingredients from his special stores and walking purposefully back to the bench. As he finely chopped the mint sprigs to the desired consistency his mind wandered back to the dilemma at hand. Wonder why Harry is so bad at potions? He mused, adding the mint to the already boiling pot. I don't recall Lily being that bad in potions. Maybe not top of the class, but certainly not at the level Harry has sunk to. That's right, now stir 5 times clockwise and 6 times counter- clockwise. I wonder what he is good at? Severus slowly stirred the mixture, not noticing as it slowly changed color from light blue to deep purple, and then to deep rose. This is just not going to work, he thought, still absently stirring; I know nothing about being a father. That kid has enough trouble already without me adding to it. Maybe we can just forg..."What the!?!" Looking into the cauldron he suddenly realized that it was not the color it was supposed to be. He froze momentarily, staring in disbelief at the potion, unable to believe he had actually made an error in a potion that even Neville Longbottom had finally brewed correctly in the third year. Throwing the stirring rod to the floor and stomping back through the doorway to his study he decided to let the house elves clean up the useless mess.
He wandered in circles around his quiet study wondering what in the world to do now, as violet colored smoke gently seeped from under the closed door of his private lab.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Harry fled through the deserted hallways of Hogwarts intent on only one thing, escape. Escape from Snape, escape from the lies of his past, escape from everything. Where could he go? He could go back to the tower and answer his friends questions. No, not yet. He couldn't face them yet. He could go to Dumbledore or Lupin, but again, he really didn't want to talk to them. They must have known, how could they not! Pausing in his headlong rush down an unused hallway, he considered his options and reached a decision. The trick would be to do it quickly, not let anyone have the opportunity to ask questions he thought as his feet carried him toward Gryffindor tower. He paused outside the portrait, gathering himself for the dash ahead.
"Are you alright dearie?" The pink lady asked, looking at him in some concern.
Not bothering to answer, Harry gave the password and jumped through the hole as soon as it opened. He caught a glimpse of Ron, Hermione and Ginny seated in a corner of the almost deserted common room as he hurtled by, and thought he heard one of them say "Harry", but he continued on. Up the stairs, sliding to a stop by his bed and grabbing his beloved firebolt. He turned and ran full out down the stairs, barely missing Ron who was on his way up to see what was happening, and almost bowling over Hermione as she stood just outside the door to the boys dorms. He definitely heard someone yelling "Harry, wait" as he opened the door and threw himself out, but he ignored it as he had everyone else he'd seen. He pelted down the corridor and around the corner as fast as possible, hoping to evade any pursuit. Sure that no one was following him, he strode purposefully to the bottom of the astronomy tower, and quietly walked up the stairs. Peering through the door at the top of the tower, he was relieved to see that it was deserted, no classes tonight. He pushed the door open the rest of the way and walked to the very edge of the parapet. Climbing on his Firebolt, he swiftly pushed off from the stonework and soared into the calm night air.
It was amazing really, how different the school grounds looked at night. Without the bright light of day there were spooky shadows everywhere. Even Hagrid's cottage was cloaked in ominous shadows. It was strange to think that Hagrid wasn't in there with Fang, or another of his notorious pets, whipping up a new batch of rock cakes and dispensing advice. Hopefully he would be back from whatever task the Headmaster had sent him on soon. Without really thinking about where he was going, Harry slowly drifted over the lake, looking down into its black depths and considering the nights' revelations.
Well, you did ask, he reminded himself, why are you surprised at the answer? As he thought about it, he realized he wasn't exactly surprised, too many things had added up for him to doubt Professor Snape. It was just the abruptness of the Snape's words. Not that he should be surprised, it was abundantly obvious that Snape had never liked him. Great. Now he not only had an Aunt, Uncle and Cousin who couldn't stand the sight of him, he had a Father who hated him beyond belief. How in the world could something like this happen!? How could his mother possibly have been interested in such a greasy haired, nasty, unhappy man?
"Aaaarrrrrghhhh" he yelled as his head began to hurt from all the intense emotions and thoughts he had been forced to confront this evening. No more thinking, just fly, he thought as he went into an intricate set of maneuvers on his broomstick. Flying always made him feel better.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Severus finally tired of wearing a path in the rug of his study and settled in his chair, contemplating the dying fire in his fireplace, Lily's last letter to him held unnoticed in his hand. For all his thinking this evening he had decided on precisely no plan of action. This was not acceptable, Severus Snape always had a plan of action for everything. That way he was never taken by surprise. The problem was that this situation involved another human being, his own son, and that meant that not all variables could be computed. Maybe a breath of fresh air would help he mused. He rose from his chair and went out the door.
Walking swiftly down the dank dungeon hallway he contemplated what he should do next. Perhaps he should make Harry do a detention? Then he could buy time to explain what had happened. Somehow that didn't seem the right move to make, forcing the situation probably wasn't a good idea, and definitely not what Dumbledore would do. Dumbledore! What would Dumbledore do? Probably invite him in for hot chocolate and soft words. Severus snorted softly to himself as he considered that approach. Might work for Albus, but definitely not his style. Reaching the top of the stairs, he paused and gazed quietly at the stars, noticing that he was again in the astronomy tower. How odd that his feet had carried him there yet again. Settling his mind, and not realizing that he still carried a folded piece of paper in his hand, he settled himself comfortably near the door with his back resting against the parapet, head thrown back as he watched the intricate night dance of the stars. His concentration was abruptly broken by a soft thump across the roof from him. Peering through the darkness he could vaguely see a figure climbing off a broomstick. Taking a chance on the identity of the intruder, he said quietly
"What are you doing out here at this time of night, Harry?"
The figure jerked in alarm and whipped around to stare in the direction of the voice.
"Professor Snape?" he said in disbelief. He couldn't get away from this man. Was he stalking Harry?
"Yes. I often come up here to clear my mind. What are you doing here? After hours too.": Severus could have bitten his tongue off he was so disgusted with himself. Great, he thought, you've got the kid right here and then you ruin it by taking him to task. What a hard habit to break. How do fathers survive themselves.
"I needed to clear my mind, and flying's always been the best way for me to do it. Now if you'll excuse me." Harry said stiffly as he moved toward the door.
"No, wait," Severus said as he swiftly moved to lean against the door, blocking Harry's exit. "You didn't give me a chance to explain."
"Explain what?" Harry said bitterly, slowly backing away from Snape. "Explain that you and my mum had a fling while she was married to my dad? That you took advantage of her?"
"How could you possibly think that of your mother." Snape spat, shocked at what he was hearing. "I could understand thinking the worst of me, but Lily never did anything to deserve being thought of that way."
"How would I know," Harry shouted, "I don't even remember her. For all I know she could have been a, been a, a, scarlet woman!"
"I, a what?!" Snape was sure he hadn't heard Harry correctly.
"You heard me, a scarlet woman! That's what Mrs. Weasley calls them!" Harry finished resolutely, knowing that his face was flaming with embarrassment.
"Ah, dear Molly. How she survives all those boys..is neither here nor there. Harry, I assure you Lily was no Scarlet Woman." As he slowly moved toward Harry, Severus abruptly realized that he was still holding Lily's letter.
"Harry, I want to give this letter to you to read. My only requests are that you read it all the way through and that you return it to me unharmed when you are done. It is very precious to me." Snape extended the paper to Harry as he spoke. "It's from your mother, and it was just given to me this summer."
Harry slowly took the paper, looking searchingly at the man that he now knew was his father, and then quietly left the tower. Severus stayed behind, quietly staring at the stars and hoping that he had made the right move. Only time would tell.