Harry slowly meandered through the dark hallways of Hogwarts, clutching the letter tightly in his fist. He stopped before a nondescript wooden door, realizing as he opened it that he had been in this room before. It was the room where the mirror of Erised had been stored during his first year. At that time his greatest desire had been to see his parents, and he had. He wondered rather listlessly what it would show now.
He seated himself in the darkest corner of the room, away from the door and the windows, stirring up little motes of dust as his body settled. Reaching into his pocket he absent-mindedly withdrew his wand and whispered "lumos". Surely the little bit of light his wand produced would be overlooked by anyone still wandering the halls. He looked at the paper he still held, and wondered whether he really wanted to look at it. This could answer all his questions, but what if it held information he didn't really want to know. Like that he was a mistake that was never really wanted? Better to know the truth, and have it over with, he decided, opening the paper and focusing on the writing.
My Dearest Severus, If you are reading this note, it means that James and I are dead, but that Harry has somehow survived. My darling, I so wish that I could be there to explain this in person, somehow that would be easier than writing it down in stark black and white. All I can do is attempt to explain.
When you left last October, I expected you to be back within a few days. As the days went on and no word came, I became so worried for you. When November came, and you still had not returned, I suspected the worst. I wasn't really surprised when the ministry people came to tell me you were dead. Terribly sad, but not surprised. You see, by then I knew that I was expecting our child, and I had him to think about.
Sev, I couldn't take the chance that Voldemort would find out about the baby. It was just too likely that he would take that child from me and raise it to be evil. I couldn't allow that to happen to our baby, so I went to James and asked for his help. The only viable plan we could come up with was to marry and raise the child as James'. While we knew that it was dangerous for anyone opposed to Voldemort, it seemed the lesser of the evils.
You cannot imagine my feelings when you reappeared in the spring of this year. I was so happy that you were alive, but so shaken by the predicament we were in. For the sake of our child I decided to stay with James until Voldemort was defeated. I could not take the chance that you would be called away again, perhaps die, and leave our child exposed to the influence of the Death Eaters. It was for this reason that we also asked Sirius Black to be Harry's godfather. Severus, you know my sister Petunia, I would never leave anything of mine with her!
Harry was so adorable when he was born. He had black hair, much like yours, and the brightest green eyes. I know you won't be offended if I say that I was relieved to see he had my nose! To ensure that there would be no questions about his father, James and I wove several charms around Harry, by the time he was 6 months old he looked just like James. That nearly broke my heart, he should have looked like you. Those charms will start to degrade by the time Harry turns 15. That is why this letter, and the others with it, was spelled to appear near his birthday.
Severus, nothing can make up for the years that you have missed being a father and for that I am truly sorry. Please do not let this opportunity to know our son pass you by. I know you so well my love, and I know that you are undoubtedly thinking that you are totally unsuited to being a parent, but you are wrong. You would have made a superb father to Harry if our circumstances had been different. I am sure that you will be just as superb a parent as you guide him into being the kind, loving, principled man I know you to be. How can he not be such with you as a father?
I leave with you my love, always and ever true. Please tell Harry that I love him, and that I'm so sorry that I wasn't there to tell him this myself.
All my love,
Lily
Harry stared at the blur he knew was the letter, silent tears dropping down his cheeks. The knowledge that his mother had sacrificed so much to keep him safe was almost overwhelming, as was his relief at finding that he was wanted and loved from the beginning. Carefully folding the paper and tucking it safely in the pocket of his shirt he quietly peered around the door into the hall, checking to see if Filch or Mrs. Norris were lurking in the area. His map would have come in handy, but it was still locked in his trunk. Checking around each corner before he entered each corridor gave him plenty of opportunity to decide what to tell his friends when he reached the common room. With any luck they would be in bed and he wouldn't have to confront that problem until tomorrow.
"And where have you been young man?" the Pink Lady said, staring sternly at the figure before her. "Surely you weren't flying in the dark!"
Harry had forgotten the broomstick absent-mindedly clutched in his hand, and looked down at it in surprise.
"Errrr, just needed to get some air and think."
"Not a wise thing to do. Password" she said disapprovingly.
"Slytherin's Stink"
"They certainly do, Dearie." She said as she let him in.
Walking into the common room Harry was surprised to see not only Hermione, Ron and Ginny waiting for him, but also Fred and George. It was rather daunting to stand there with 10 eyes staring at him. As he slowly moved into the room, Fred moved to stand in front of the door to the boy's dorm, and George blocked the entrance to the common room. That left only the door to the girl's dorm, and there was no way Harry would try and go through that door!
"Harry, what happened? You ran out of here like Vol, like You Know Who was on your tail." Ron said, looking concerned.
"You needn't think we'll be letting you get away without talking to us either, mate." Fred said from his place near the door.
"We meant what we said about being here if you needed someone to talk to." George chimed in.
"We were really concerned when you didn't come back for so long." Hermione added, while Ginny just mutely nodded her head in agreement and turned slightly pink.
Harry looked at the faces of his friends, taking in how concerned they were for him. How they cared about what happened to him. And he knew that his only real option was to tell them the truth, every bit of it. He walked slowly to a chair near the fireplace, one that looked a bit off to the side so that he wouldn't have to look directly at them while he told his story. He propped his broomstick against the wall next to him, and looked down at his hands, knotted together in his lap.
"I, I don't really know where to start. He said reluctantly.
"Not to be obvious, but the beginning would be a good place," Fred said, coming to sit on a nearby couch. George, reassured that Harry wouldn't be making a break for it, settled next to him.
"I guess the beginning would be tonight." Harry began, not looking up. "I went to my detention with Snape, and spent the whole time doing mindless clean-up work. That left me with lots of time to think, and before I left, I decided to just ask Snape if he was my father. I don't know what I thought he'd say." Harry paused, not sure how to go on.
Ron, not surprisingly, came to his rescue. "What did he say?"
"First he asked a lot of questions about why I was asking him a question like that, and I told him about the pictures Hermione had found. He got this really queer look on his face, and then said, "yes, I am." That's it. Just yes, I am. I don't know why, but I just couldn't face him after that, so I ran off. To here. That's when I came in and got my broomstick."
"Why didn't you tell us? Why'd you run out again and risk another detention?" Hermione asked.
"I had to get away and think. I just couldn't talk about it. I mean, if Snape's my father, and he and my mother weren't married, what does that make her?"
Hermione opened her mouth to make another comment, but Ron quickly covered her lips with his hand so that Harry wouldn't stop.
"Anyway, I flew around for awhile, worked on some of my Quidditch moves, and then came back down on the Astronomy tower. By the way, you know how they put wards around so you can't fall off the towers? Well you can fly off of them if you go up!" Harry continued with a grin.
George and Fred looked impressed with that information, that was a stunt they had never considered trying.
"So I came in for a landing, and you'd never believe who was standing there waiting for me. I don't know if he knew I was out flying or it was just a coincidence, but there was Snape, blocking the door to the stairs." Harry paused, not certain how to continue.
His friends let the silence linger for a few moments, and then Ginny voiced what they were all thinking.
"Was that all Harry? Did he say anything?"
"Yeah," Harry said, looking back down at his hands uncomfortably. "It wasn't so much what he said as what he did. He gave me a letter from my mother to read." He pulled the letter from his pocket, and after holding it for a minute, passed it to Ron, who held it without opening it.
"Are you sure you want us to read this? I mean it's from your mum."
"Go ahead Ron, just don't read it out loud, I don't think I could stand to hear it." Harry laid his head back on his chair and wearily closed his eyes as his friends read the letter over Ron's shoulder. Hearing a choked cry, he turned and looked over at the group, seeing that both Ginny and Hermione had tears running down their faces.
"Wow, Harry, I don't really know what to say." Ron looked over at his friend.
Hermione glared at Ron, and standing swiftly, moved over to Harry.
"That has to be most touching thing I've ever read" she said, reaching forward to touch Harry on the shoulder. As her hand came toward him, Harry shied away from it, and an expression of concern crossed Hermione's face. He didn't used to mind being touched by her. She stood quietly for a moment before returning to her seat next to Ron.
"So what are you going to do next?" George wanted to know.
"Well, I have to return the letter to him, other than that, I don't know. And I'm too tired to come up with anything right now." Harry said taking his glasses off and rubbing at his eyes.
"Not much we can do tonight anyway," Ron said with a yawn.
"Please don't tell anyone about this, at least not yet." Harry said as he rose from his chair and picked up his Firebolt.
A chorus of agreement came from the others in the room.
Ron and Harry quietly tiptoed into the dorm room they shared with the other 5th year boys. As they settled into bed, Harry's mind drifted back to the scene in the tower with Sna..his father. He'd have to get used to calling him that he supposed. His lips drew up into a grin as he considered his father's response to his comments about Lily's character. The grin quickly became a snicker, and his bed shook with his giggles. Ron, heard what was going on, and came to investigate.
"I just remembered, when we were on the astronomy tower, I lost my temper, and I accused my mum of being a, well a 'scarlet woman', you know, like your mother said." Harry whispered, trying not to laugh loudly enough to wake the others.
"You didn't!" Ron breathed, torn between horror and humor. "What did he do?"
"You should have seen his face!" Harry went off into another fit of laughter. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all, he thought as he drifted off to sleep.