Antiquity's Corollary by gonnabefamous
Past Featured StorySummary: At Lily's request, Albus Dumbledore has kept a secret from Severus Snape for 17 years. When Dumbledore learns that this secret plays a vital role in the war, however, it is Snape who is left to deal with the consequences. As Harry's true parentage is revealed, both his and Snape's futures become uncertain. The two must learn to work together in order to survive. PreHBP.
Categories: Parental Snape > Biological Father Snape Main Characters: .Snape and Harry (required), Draco, Dumbledore, Ginny, Hermione, Ron
Snape Flavour: Canon Snape
Genres: Action/Adventure, Angst, Drama, Family
Media Type: None
Tags: None
Takes Place: 6th summer
Warnings: Alcohol Use, Torture, Violence
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 58 Completed: No Word count: 401010 Read: 379394 Published: 28 Jun 2005 Updated: 11 Oct 2015
A Dark Man's Woeful Past by gonnabefamous

Chapter 21

A Dark Man's Woeful Past

xxx

It had been two days since Harry's last encounter with Snape, and he was in no hurry to see him again. He stayed hidden in Gryffindor tower, keeping a far distance from the dungeons, and for his part, Snape didn't seem to mind the distance.

On the Saturday morning before the start of term, however, Harry woke to a light tapping on his window; he rolled over and opened his eyes to see Hedwig outside his window and hurried to let her in. Thanking her for the delivery with an owl treat from his trunk, Harry took a small scroll of parchment from her leg and unfurled it.

Please see me for your last Occlumency lesson before the start of term at 1 o' clock today, the note read, and Harry didn't need a signature to know what this meant. His break from Snape was at an end.

Harry's current feelings about Snape were quite confused, but he knew he needed to start sorting them soon. However, the past week had been quite an emotional ride for Harry and he couldn't quite tell where to begin, nor did he much feel like reliving many of the events through memory. More than anything, Harry wanted to shut down his mind and crawl back into bed... but this is where he had been hiding the past several days and it hadn't gotten him any closer to understanding everything that had transpired.

Harry felt as though everything he'd known about his Potions Professor had been called into question. First, he'd been uncharacteristically caring in his efforts to save Harry's life; far from treating him like a burden or making Harry feel guilty for costing him so much, he'd been almost selfless throughout the entire ordeal. It was a side of the man he'd never seen before. Soon after, however, he'd been right back to his dour self- and if anything, his antagonistic tendencies had multiplied exponentially. They'd come to blows in Snape's office when Harry had learned the truth, and far from reacting vengefully afterward, as Harry would have expected, he instead had extended the proverbial olive branch, answering all his unasked questions despite their painful nature.

What, exactly, was Snape playing at? Was he deliberately trying to confuse Harry? Or could it be that he was just as confused himself?

xxx

Severus Snape had always been a man of pride, and certainly to a fault. It had cost him many things throughout his life; this, and only this had allowed him to justify sacrificing it for the sake of Harry Potter. It had pained him to relive his past for the sake of giving Harry answers, and he felt almost embarassed every time he thought of it now... but, he continually reminded himself, it had been a conscious decision and one he had made for the best.

Part of Severus felt that he had actually deserved the pain of recalling the details of his and Lily's relationship and its demise. Part of him had realized that, though he had been given the grace of feeling at peace with his wife,she had still died hating him- fearing him, even. And he deserved that, because the fact of the matter was, it had all been his fault. He had chosen to take the mark. He had treated her in a way that made her too scared to even attempt explaining what had happened. He had chased her to James Potter. Dumbledore, Lupin, Black, Pettigrew… they'd all been right. He didn't understand how he couldn't have seen it before.

Severus had no doubt that Harry was still furious with him- and the boy had every reason to be.

xxx

In the end, Harry thought to himself as he made his way down the corridor to Snape's office, Snape's admission of everything that had happened in the past had spoken immeasurable volumes to Harry. Snape was one of the few people in Harry's life who did not shrink away from being honest with him, even if it came at no personal gain. Snape had told him even the unwholesome bits of truth that reflected poorly on him, and the fact that he had done so out of fairness to Harry, reflected his unspoken apology.

Harry arrived at Snape's office ready at least to face the man, even if he wasn't yet ready to talk. He only hoped Snape did not regret everything he had told Harry and would not use this lesson for vindication.

Harry knocked on the door and entered when Snape called him in. Snape did not speak as he cleared his desk. Once he had finished, he moved to the center of the room and spoke to Harry in a businesslike manner.

"When the term starts, we will have these lessons on a biweekly basis," Snape told him evenly. "Today will be our last lesson until further notice. Do you have any objection to this?"

"No, sir."

"Good," said Snape, nodding curtly. "Now, on my count. One, two, three... Legilimens!"

It was a brief lesson, and Harry succeeded twice in blocking Snape from his mind for a minute at a time.

"You seem to be making progress," Snape commented at the end of the lesson. "Continue to practice every evening, and we'll see how you fare in two weeks time." He paused, deliberately, and asked, "Do you have any further questions?"

Harry was unsure if Snape had meant his query to have a double meaning, but suddenly Harry realized that he only wanted to ask one question: the one that had been lingering on his mind since the night he and Snape had last spoken- the one that would tell him if there was any way that he could ever forgive Snape completely for all the mistakes of his past.

"I have one," Harry said uneasily. "But not about Occlumency."

Snape looked quickly taken aback, but he masked his surprise rather quickly. "Go on," he said simply, though his face held an expectant look.

"I just need to know... Did you really love her?" Harry asked quietly.

Severus blinked, staring back at Harry. He didn't want to answer this question, not now- it was more of himself than he really cared to share with anybody, especially the boy who now had the power to affect his life in any way he wished. But battling his own apprehension, slowly and in a voice much smaller than he'd intended, he said, "With all my heart."

Harry looked at him for another moment, his gaze fixed on the Potions Master as though to assess the truth of that statement. Seemingly satisfied, he gave Snape a small nod and said, "Good day, Professor," before heading out the door.

Harry was still shaking slightly when he reached the first flight of stairs leading up to the entrance hall. He hadn't been sure how Snape would react to that question- though he had to admit, the man had surprised him. He hadn't expected such a straightforward, such an earnest answer- with an almost heartbroken quality to it. It was surprising, more than anything else, to see him display any type of emotion, and especially one which was so… human.

Just beyond the first corridor leading away from the entrance hall, Harry spotted Dumbledore walking towards him. As they neared each other, Dumbledore gave him a small nod of greeting and a warm smile, continuing on his way. Harry realized as this happened that he must have been on his way to see the Snape, and wondered vaguely if it was unwise to ask him now if he and Harry could talk. After a quick moment of indecision, Harry turned around and called after the headmaster.

"Professor Dumbledore," Harry shouted, quickening his pace to catch up with him. "Wait-"

Dumbledore turned around and faced Harry, a mildly astonished look on his face. Just as he had felt with Severus, after all that had recently happened, he hadn't expected to be approached by the boy, and hadn't wanted to force him into another conversation.

Harry reached the place where Dumbledore stood, and Dumbledore smiled. "Good afternoon, Harry," he said amiably. "I was just on my way to speak with Professor Snape."

"Yes," Harry said, looking down the hallway behind Dumbledore. "I had guessed as much. I was wondering if I could speak with you- I can wait until you've finished, though," he quickly added; he didn't want to seem as though he were demanding the headmaster's time.

"No, no," said Dumbledore, shaking his head and taking up stride in the opposite direction of where he had been heading. Harry walked alongside him. "I'll speak with Professor Snape later. What can I do for you?"

"Well- I'd rather not say, here..." Harry asked dubiously, glancing around.

"Of course, of course," Dumbledore said absentmindedly. Something seemed just a bit off, though Harry couldn't quite figure what. "Well, where shall we head?"

"Oh," Harry said, startled. "Er- your office would be fine."

"Yes, but isn't that such an ordinary place for serious conversation?" Dumbledore pondered, smiling lightly. "I thought perhaps somewhere a bit less business like. I quite like the idea of the Quidditch stands on a day like to day, don't you?"

"I always like the sound of the Quidditch stands, sir," Harry said, smiling.

"Though you like them second to being on the field, I am sure," said Dumbledore kindly.

Harry felt suddenly warm towards the Headmaster in that moment; he was reminded once more of the gentle Headmaster that had guided him through his years at Hogwarts, rather than the secretive and flawed old man he'd come to think of him as frequently over the past year.

"Quite nice, quite nice," Dumbledore observed as they reached the first row of seats in the Quidditch stands. "Now, Harry, tell me- what is on your mind?"

"Well, Professor Dumbledore, I suppose Professor Snape, erm, told you about...?"

"Yes, Harry, we have spoken. And you have concerns, understandably, I am sure?"

"I do..."

"Have you spoken to Professor Snape about these?" Dumbledore asked. "I must warn you, I have been asked not to interfere, and probably for good reason."

"Well, I have spoken to him... but I have questions for you, sir."

"Then by all means, Harry... fire away."

"How long have you known that Snape was my father?"

Dumbledore sighed, looking at the boy with a mournful expression. He had known this was coming- it had been his reason for suggestion the stands. He'd figured a wide, open area was best for this type of conversation… either one of them might feel like they needed an escape. "I've known since before you were born, Harry," he admitted softly. "I am sorry not to have told you earlier."

"Are you?" asked Harry. It wasn't an accusation; it was an earnest question. "I was wondering whether you were sorry I know now."

Dumbledore frowned. "What do you mean by that?"

"You must have had your reasons for keeping this from me- from both of us- for so long," said Harry. "Snape said that you had only told him after it was absolutely necessary… would you have kept it secret if it hadn't been?"

Dumbledore shook his head slowly. "No," he said, "I would have told him, regardless… I did want to leave it up to him, ultimately. And I did…"

"But why?" Harry asked. "Why now, and not earlier?"

Dumbledore evaluated him for a moment before speaking. "You mean to ask why I kept it from you in the first place."

Harry nodded hesitantly, and Dumbledore could tell that he hadn't wanted to ask that question outright. "I have many reasons…

"I did not trust Professor Snape when he was younger," Dumbledore started, looking out over the grounds. "I knew he came from a dark history- he had a bad home life, and did a poor job of hiding his knowledge of the Dark Arts. When your mother married him, I did not object, but I certainly questioned his motives. I was among those who believed that he had plans to hand her to Lord Voldemort.

"Lily insisted, again and again, that all he needed was a push in the right direction. He had not, at that time, received prodding from either side, and she was convinced within herself that if he were to join the Order, he would remain loyal. I still highly doubted this, and so it took a very long time for her to convince me to consider initiating him into the order. Still, I told her that I could not trust him until I had been able to watch him for a period of time… it was at this point that I offered him, through her, the position of Defense against the Dark Arts teacher. He, however, still harbored resentment towards me for the neglect I had treated him with during his school years."

"Neglect?" Harry questioned, brow furrowed.

Dumbledore nodded, a pained expression crossing his face. "I was not attentive- and I should have looked into his family situation when I saw all the signs of an unhappy home life in his behavior at school. Perhaps if I had… things might be different." Dumbledore paused before saying quietly, "His mother went missing during his fifth year- he confessed to me later in his teaching career that his father had been the last person he'd seen her with."

"What happened to her?" Harry asked, his attention fully focused on Dumbledore. He had never known this- he'd had an idea, of course, after witnessing his memories, but hadn't imagined to this extent...

"We can only postulate, Harry, but suffice it to say that Professor Snape would not speak of the incident until after his Father's death... she was never found, and I believe his Father to be responsible. Other than that, I cannot say... it is not my story to disclose."

"She was never found?" Harry croaked, his throat sore from the suppressed emotion rising in it.

Dumbledore shook his head. "No- and I believe Severus partially blamed me for it. He held it against me, and rightfully so, for a long time- though I think his grief was too much to bear, and as a result, he buried all emotion he felt, thus resulting in his ability to hide all he's feeling at most times.

"This was the reason he never came over to our side- he was happy where he was, standing in neutral territory, and didn't realize that the offer I gave him was being extended in attempt to evaluate him for the Order. He turned it down, and before Lily could convince me to act with more confidence in him, he had received his Dark Mark.

"Severus has explained to you, I believe, what happened at this time." At this, Dumbledore paused to wait for Harry's nod of affirmation, before continuing. "When Lily came to see me, she not only made me promise to keep this a secret, but she also beseeched me to bring him to the side of good if it was within my power. I don't know why, but I felt that this was a necessary request to fill. When he came to me, bearing news of Voldemort's plans for the Potters, I immediately brought him into my service, promising him protection if he needed it. He again turned down the teaching position as it would now put him at risk, but pledged loyalty to me. Shortly after, Voldemort was attempting to put a spy into my midst, and Severus took the job. He came back to me, and I hired him as Potions Master.

"Now, you may wonder why after this I did not tell him so that he could immediately rescue you from the Dursleys. There is a very simple explanation- I still did not trust him completely, and I still believed him to be every bit of the dark, bitter, vengeful man he presents to the rest of the world. I knew little about him, and was still loyal to Lily's request to keep it secret.

"It took a long time for him to open up to me, but when he finally did, I began to see that there was a very different man inside than I had expected. I then considered telling him- but it was apparent that he still held grudges towards your parents, and you were safe where you were. It would have caused great difficulty to come and get you, and ensure that he was treating you well. You were still young, and not as able to take care of yourself. I couldn't risk a little child's happiness like that, and though I knew you were unhappy with the Dursleys, I feared that cruelty would be far more detrimental coming from your father. I hoped that when you came to Hogwarts I could then slowly introduce the two of you and lead you into the relationship.

"Immediately after you had arrived, however, it was clear to me that neither one of you could get along… and several instances which reinforced this point were enough to convince me that Lily had been right to request that neither of you ever found out.

"I've watched you two every year, hoping that at some point the opportunity to tell both of you would present itself. It never did, and after a while, I pushed the idea of bonding between the two of you to the back of my mind. I didn't think it possible, and saw no point in giving you a reason to have more contact than was already necessary.

"I realize, now, that this wasn't my choice to make. I should have told you, and told your father, and allowed you two to make your own decisions from there. I will just finish now by saying that I am exceedingly sorry, Harry. I'm sorry that I didn't see differently earlier."

Harry was sitting with his chin atop his knuckles, staring off into the distance. "No," he said distantly. "I understand why you did this- and I don't really blame you for it."

Dumbledore frowned. "I don't blame you for being bitter, Harry."

Harry lifted his head. Dumbledore was right- he did sound bitter, and for good reason; he was. He had a dark feeling that was burrowing deep within him, and he felt angry and resentful. At what, however, he couldn't quite understand.

"With whom does you anger lie?" Dumbledore asked gently.

"I'm not sure," said Harry slowly, turning his head and bringing his eyes to meet with the headmaster's. "Part of me wonders if I'm just all around angry at the situation… maybe I'm just angry at not knowing what I want."

Dumbledore was holding his gaze with his piercing blue one of compassion. "And what options are you choosing from?" Harry gave him a questioning look, and Dumbledore elaborated. "Do you really think you can go without ever knowing your father? Do you think you can live with this, and ignore it? Goodness, Harry, not even he has been able to- and he's better at burying emotion than anyone I know. I am not saying this as a slight, but you allow your feelings to sit on the surface, and you have so much passion that you can't let them go. I think it would destroy you if you were to attempt avoiding all of this- because I know once you make the decision and tell him you want nothing to do with him, you'll regret it, but won't go back."

Dumbledore allowed a moment for his words to sink in before continuing. "I must tell you now that I won't tell either you or Severus my opinions on the matter any further. I will no longer push either one of you; this must be your decision. I will offer you this one last piece of advice, and then consider me forever impartial. Get to know your father, and do it before it is too late. It means a lot, more than you could ever realize, that he approached you. It will be hard- you two have very much history to overcome- but in the end, I think you will be glad you've tried."

"Do you think he wants anything to do with me?" Harry asked, sounding much more childish than he'd wanted to.

"Harry," Dumbledore said, placing his hands upon the boy's shoulders, "He would be a fool not to… and your father is no fool."

xxx End Chapter 21 xxx

To be continued...


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