Harry picked up the letter and read what Snape had written on the cover: "To be opened in the event of my death." It was obvious by the way the envelope glittered that he had put a spell on it, likely one that would keep it sealed while he was alive. He knew since Snape had technically died, if even for a few moments, that the spell was likely broken.
With trembling hands he ripped it open.
"Harry, I know this sounds strange to you since I usually call you Potter but Harry had started sounding a bit more comfortable, especially for the purpose of this letter.First let me reiterate that under no circumstance should you blame yourself for Hogsmeade, it was not your fault. Diggory’s death and Black’s death are also not your fault, nor for that matter is mine.
I know you are still suffering over Black’s death, I know how that feels as I also know this Christmas will likely be very hard for you. You asked me once when does losing someone get easier and I snapped at you ‘never’. That isn’t quite true. While the actual pain of that loss never leaves you, the ache does diminish over time. We are all here only for awhile.
I’ve included something for you that I’ve kept all these years and it is very precious to me. Your mother wrote this after our first real talk down by the lake. I thought perhaps it might offer you some comfort as it did me at the time.
I am sorry I will not be there when you continue Occlumency lessons and when you conquer the skills needed to ward off legilimens. I know it will happen soon. You are strong but in order to be at your strongest you will need to stop shutting out those who care about you. Talk to them, share your fears about the prophecy and your fears regarding them. Don’t make the same mistake I have made, tell those you love how much you care.
I leave here asking a favour of you and your friends. Draco is going to need you. My goal was to keep him from becoming a death eater, please help me to achieve that.
Draco still, I believe, deep inside thinks power is the ultimate goal. Dissuade him from that by whatever means necessary. He will, I believe, be devastated by my death, you who are no stranger to grief can commiserate with him. Perhaps together you can find the strength to fight for the light.
Harry, I have complete faith in you that you will be able to defeat The Dark Lord. You are a special young man and many love you, don’t ever forget that love.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to see Lily in you. She would have been so proud."
It was signed, "Professor Severus Snape"
Harry hadn’t even realized that tears coursed down his cheeks. He quickly wiped them away. He sat still for a moment clutching Snape’s letter. He realized suddenly because it had happened so slowly that he cared more for Snape than he ever thought possible. Through the Occlumency lessons. Snape had been privy to his deepest fears, strongest emotions and most personal thoughts. He had become his confidant and if he died, he would miss him.
Through bleary eyes, Harry saw two other letters. One addressed to Dumbledore and one to Draco. But his attention went back to the envelope. He knew his mother’s letter was still in there and he was almost afraid to open it. Lost words from his mother were precious. His hands shook considerably when he pulled out the letter.
It was old and slightly yellowed; yet apparently had been lovingly preserved over the years. He held it up to his nose it was slightly scented of summer lilies.
"Dear Severus,I just wanted to say again how sorry I was to hear about your mother and what your father did. What a horrible childhood you must have had.
If you ever just want to talk or go for a walk I am here for you, you need never be alone. Don’t worry about James or Sirius’ reactions. Who I choose to be friends with is none of their business.
I want to reassure you that everything you told me yesterday will stay in the strictest confidence. I am very honoured that you trusted me enough to tell me.
I am so sorry your mother died and in such a terrible manner. Whenever you think of your mother or anyone else who you have lost, look to the stars. I like to think of them as peepholes into heaven, where the light of those we have loved and lost still shines through on us as a message to us that they will always love us and that they are happy.
Till the next time,
Your friend Lily"
In the envelope was a small silver luminescent star. Harry picked it up and it shimmered magically in the candlelight. He carefully put it back into the envelope and with a soft sob his head dropped to his hands.
He sat that way for a long time. When the room grew cold, he finally got up and went over to the desk. He picked up the letter to Dumbledore but he left the one to Draco. Draco was too sick to see it.
He made his way back to the hospital ward.
As he walked in Professor McGonagall stood up.
"Mr. Potter, you should have been in bed hours ago, what do you think you are doing." The stern look on her face softened a bit as Harry came closer.
He looked at her and cleared his throat. "I thought you could give this to Professor Dumbledore, I found it in Snape’s office."
"Potter?" She got up and went over to him peering intently at him. "What is it?"
Harry shook his head, the lump in his throat too large to reply. He looked over at Professor Snape. He looked no better, still pale as death.
"Did Professor Snape write you a letter also?" she asked softly.
He looked back at her with sorrowful eyes.
"Yes," he responded hoarsely.
"You know we are all doing what is necessary. We are trying everything to save Professor Snape’s life."
Professor McGonagall looked at Harry. Her heart went out to him; he had been through so much. A childhood spent with those horrible muggles, then Diggory’s death right in front of him and Sirius' death just 6 months ago.
He and Severus must somehow have reached an understanding. She could tell that Harry cared. He had that same hollow look about him that had tugged at her heart the night of Diggory’s death and at the end of last school year.
"There, there, Potter, don’t look so sad. We haven’t lost Professor Snape yet. You know how ornery he is he’ll fight with every ounce in him and we’ll aid him in that fight," she said softly.
Normally she never let her maternal instincts surface in the day to day teachings at Hogwarts but in Potter’s case she couldn’t help herself. The orphaned boy had brought out a protective instinct from the 1st time she had laid eyes on him as a wee boy in Hagrid’s arms.
She had had many a fight with Albus over Harry’s treatment by the muggles but it always came down to the protection of his life.
She reached out and put her hands on his shoulders. "Do you find yourself caring more for Professor Snape then you thought you did?"
He hoarsely cleared his throat. "He wrote a lot of really nice things," his voice grew faint at the end.
"I know Professor Snape can be unfair at times, he lashes out and says things he shouldn’t. I have known him for a long time, underneath all that cold, controlled exterior he is a wounded soul." She smiled softly. "He would be so angry if he heard me telling you that but you need to look past all the hostility on the outside and see the real man underneath. I’ve seen a different side of him when he is around you."
She put her arm around him and led him over the bed beside Snape. She sat down beside him.
"Remember when you were last here? I can’t tell you how delighted I was to walk in and find Professor Snape feeding you oatmeal. He was rather embarrassed at having been caught but I know how many hours he sat by your bedside and how many other sleepless hours he searched the forbidden forest for herbs to calm your stomach. He cares about you Potter. Take to heart what he has written you and realize he likely cares even more than he was able to put into words."
Harry’s green gaze left Professor Snape’s face and looked up at her. He swallowed heavily and blinked rapidly before his gaze fell to the floor as he nodded.
She hugged him close and gave him a quick kiss on his forehead.
He smiled at her softly. "Is there anything I can do to help him?"
"Well, there is a potion that needs to be brewed that might help heal the damage to his heart. Madame Pomfrey won’t be back for a few days yet and Professor Snape has none in his potions storage. Perhaps you and Ms. Granger can start the work on it and the rest of us will help once you have the ingredients."
Harry nodded, looking a little more hopeful. "I would feel so much better if I could do something to help."
"Yes, then tomorrow morning in the time you usually have double potions, you and Ms. Granger can start to work on it. But right now I insist you go to bed, immediately. No stops on the way."
He sighed. "Yes Professor McGonagall, I promise." He got up and after one more glance at Snape, went to the Gryffindor tower.
_________________________________________________________
"Any change?" Albus asked as he walked back into the hospital ward.
"No, I’m afraid not. How’s Mr. Malfoy?" Minerva asked
"Sleeping quietly. Remus said that Hermione was able to get a few sips of broth into him although without a potion directly afterwards he would have been sick. We need to coax him to take more nourishment and monitor the nausea," Albus said as he sat down by Severus’ bedside.
"Now Minerva, I insist you get some rest. I want to stay with Severus, Remus will stay with Draco for tonight."
Minerva frowned. "Albus, you need to rest also."
"Stop fussing, I promise I will get some rest." Albus smiled at her softly.
She patted his shoulder. "Potter came by, it seems Severus wrote him a letter and also wrote you one." She handed it to him.
"Is Harry all right?" Albus asked concern heavy in his quiet voice.
"He’s a bit shaken and very worried."
"Another reason for you to go to the Gryffindor tower in case he needs you."
"All right Albus, you win. Call me if you need me." She looked at Severus and squeezed his hand. "Come back to us soon Severus."
Later long after Minerva had left, the headmaster opened the letter.
Dear Albus, calling you by your first name had never been comfortable for me, despite your repeated assurances to use it. You have always been Professor Dumbledore or the headmaster to me, my mentor and I am sorry to never have told you in person, my savior.
If you hadn’t shown me so much mercy so many years ago, I am certain I would have died long ago. Your kindness, your support and you guidance have meant more to me over the years than you’ll ever know. You are far more of a father to me than my real one ever was. You forgave me even when I committed murder. I know I have disappointed you greatly at times yet aside from a few disapproving words you never gave up on me. I am grateful for that.I know you weren’t feeling all that fondly of me whenever my old feelings of what James Potter and his gang did influenced how I treated Harry. Now that I have gotten to know Harry better I’ve come to realize what a special young man he is becoming and you were right about him. I let hatred and jealousy interfere with my judgement. I am sorry.
Expressing feelings is not something I am skilled at, and it is something you need to coerce Harry to do. He has still not told anyone about the prophecy nor his fears about it. He isolates himself when he needs those who love him the most. Deep down I know he still feels very betrayed by you, you need to be especially supportive of him now, let him know how much care and how much you love him."
Albus stopped reading for a moment stroking Snape’s forehead wishing the dark eyes would open.
"Yes Severus, I do care immensely for Harry as I do for you. When you came to me years ago my heart went out to the lonely abused child who had lost the only person who had loved him. I took you in, I gave you a job and a home of sorts. I have cared about you and worried over you as if you were my son. " He put his hand on the unconscious man’s chest willing warmth into him. The black mark from the spell was etched into his chest, he felt cold to the touch.
He started reading again.
"I need you to take care of Draco. You know it is my greatest wish to keep him away from the dark side. He has been raised all his life to believe that power is the only thing that has any worth. He is slowly moving away from that belief but he will need a lot of encouragement and support. He will need especially your support. Please befriend him and make sure he understands that he can come to you. He has never had love in his life, he needs it.
You must understand and forgive me as to why I did what I did. I could not let Lucius believe that he could ever do this to Draco ever again. I knew it would be dangerous but I had to take the risk to ensure his future safety. Draco is under your care now.
Thank you again Albus for all that you have done. I know you and Harry will eventually defeat the Dark Lord. Know that my spirit is with you.’
Severus
Dumbledore closed his eyes letting the tears roll down his ancient face. Just when Severus was finally starting to lose some of his bitterness, this had to happen to him.
__________________________________________________________
Harry had gone into the Gryffindor common room. It was late and everyone was in bed. He lay down on the sofa in front of the fireplace and drifted off into an exhausted sleep.
It was dark but warm in the room he found himself in, he heard distant voices. He turned around to see Snape standing there with a surprised look on his face just before he crumbled onto the floor. Behind stood Bellatrix Lestrange with her wand out. Snape fell as if dead at her feet.
He awoke with a start, breathing rapidly. What had just happened? Was that what had happened to Snape or did he mix up what had happened to Sirius?
"Potter, what are you doing out of bed!" came Professor McGonagall’s stern voice.
"Sorry, I must have fallen asleep here."
"Are you all right, you look upset?" she asked, her tone softening.
"I’m fine," he assured her. "I’ll go to bed now."
"You do that Potter, pleasant dreams."
As soon as McGonagall had gone to her room, Harry snuck back down. He couldn’t get the dream out of his head and wanted to make sure Snape was still alive. He resolved to just take one quick look to assure himself and then he would come right back up to bed.
When Draco awoke he found Professor Lupin beside him.
"What are you doing here?" he asked hoarsely.
I’m just making sure you are all right," Lupin answered.
"Where’s Professor Snape?"
"He’s sleeping. He’s been with you for most of the time so we’re taking turns."
"I want to see him."
"Shhhh it’s late, you’ll see him tomorrow," Lupin lied, wondering how they were going to explain Snape’s absence tomorrow. Perhaps Draco would sleep for great lengths of time as he had today and they could work with that. If not they might need to give him a sleeping draught.
The blond teenager’s icy gaze narrowed at him. He could tell Draco was suspicious but also too weak to do much about it. As Draco’s eyes closed again Lupin waited for a few moments then headed down to Snape’s office to find a vial of sleeping draught in case it came in necessary.
Draco pretended to be asleep. When he heard Lupin leave he gingerly got out of bed. He almost collapsed in a heap on the floor. The pain in his chest was excruciating making him groan out loud. Loki looked at him worriedly. "I’m ok, just stay there, I’ll come back in a minute."
Panting hard, he put on his robe and made his way into Snape’s living room. He had expected to find Snape asleep on the sofa but he wasn’t there.
He started to worry. Where was he? Why was everyone being secretive?
Had something happened to Snape? Very slowly, stopping to rest every few feet or so he made his way to the hospital ward. Hogwarts was virtually deserted at night. When a coughing fit overcame him he had to stop and try to catch his breath. His eyes kept watering from the pain and the nausea returned. Finally feeling incredibly dizzy he arrived at the hospital wing. If Snape wasn’t there he would rest for a few minutes then head down to his office.
He opened the door and walked in. A sole lantern burned illuminating a still white figure on the bed. He neared it; his heart gave a painful jump as he recognized Professor Snape.
His throat closed and he gasped out, "no!"
"Malfoy? What are you doing here?" Draco turned to find Potter behind him.
"Go away, you have no right to be here!" he gasped out wavering on his feet.
Harry ignored him and despite feeble attempts on Draco’s part to ward him off, he grabbed him and steered him to a chair by Snape’s bedside. "Now sit, before you pass out," he told him quietly.
Draco had no choice as his legs gave out.
"Get away from Professor Snape, Potter!" he snarled at Harry.
Anger briefly flashed in Harry’s eyes but then worry clouded them over. "Malfoy I am the one who found him and I have as much right as you to be here," Harry said firmly in a loud voice.
"He wouldn’t want you here, I don’t want you here. You’ve got the whole world I’ve only got Professor Snape," Draco yelled as loud as his injured lungs would allow.
Harry’s eyes narrowed. "Is that what you think? The one person who meant the most to me in this world was killed this past summer. I don’t want to lose anyone else again and that includes Snape. Why should you, spoiled selfish arrogant Malfoy, care as to what happens to Snape? You’ve got doting parents who cater to your every whim!"
Malfoy’s eyes closed and his face contorted in anger. A stab of guilt hit Harry. Malfoy was still very ill and here he was yelling at him.
He took a calming breath. Malfoy’s eyes opened glaring at him. He had never seen them shine quite so icily ever before.
Draco took a gulp of air. "Professor Snape went after my father, that’s why he’s lying here!"
Harry frowned. "Why would he go after your father, his best friend? Come on Malfoy you’ll have to do better than that!"
"Because he did this to me!" Draco blurted out in anger. A wave of horror washed over him as his hands came to his face.
Harry froze. Then realizing how badly Malfoy shivered, he went over to him. "Calm down. Are you saying Lucius almost killed you?"
Just then the headmaster came in. "What is going on here? I step away for a moment and there is a shouting match, Draco, what are you doing out of bed? Harry, you also shouldn’t be here. I want you to go to Professor Snape’s rooms and find Professor Lupin and tell him where Draco is."
Harry nodded and got up.
Dumbledore reached down lifting Draco to his feet. "Come over here and lie down."
He guided him to the bed across from Snape’s pulling the curtains around as he got Draco to lie on the bed.
Draco’s breathing was labored and he was shivering uncontrollably. He wrapped blankets around him, then gently pulled his hands away from his face.
The gray eyes looked up at him full of misery. "It’s my fault."
"There there, it’s no-one’s fault. Professor Snape made the decision to go after your father all by himself."
"But if I had told him about the letter or if I had gone to the seminar nothing…," he stopped speaking and started gasping for air.
"Shhhhh, it’s in the past now. But I want you to remember when I found you by the library a few weeks ago, I told you, you can come and talk to me anytime you need to. If you weren’t comfortable talking to Professor Snape I would really have hoped you would come to me before placing yourself in such danger. I know you think I’m a useless old fool but give me a chance."
Draco stiffened and moved slightly away. His guilt-ridden gaze looked up fearfully.
Dumbledore held his hand up. "Relax, I’m not angry with you but I’m hoping in the future you will feel comfortable enough to come and talk to me when you feel alone. My new password as of today is pumpkin toffee."
Draco’s eyes squeezed shut. "Will he be ok?" he asked in barely a whisper. Dumbledore put an arm around him but Draco remained stiff and unresponsive to his embrace.
"We don’t know yet but we are hopeful."
He put his hand on Draco’s chest. The warmth radiating from it eased the pain a bit and made breathing a little easier.
"I’m going to Madam Pomfrey’s cupboard and I’ll get you a dreamless sleep potion. I want you to lie down, and try to relax. We want Professor Snape to wake up with you well on the road to recovery. Understand?"
He nodded.