"Where did Harry go?" Ron asked as they made their way back to Gryffindor tower.

"He left with Professor Snape. Professor McGonagall said not to worry, he’d be back by morning. I asked her if it had something to do with detention, but she said no. That wouldn’t have been fair," Hermione answered frowning. "I hope Harry is all right."

"If he’s with Snape, I doubt it," scoffed Ron.

"Oh, I just remembered I have to do something. I’ll head back to the dorm in a moment. Good night, Ron, I’ll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight, Hermione."

She took a small candle out of her robe and stepped outside. This Samhain night she went down to the lake to light a candle for Calip, one of the oldest kitchen elves at Hogwarts who she learned had died this past summer. She had read that the veil between the worlds was supposed to be the thinnest this night and she wanted to light a candle so that Calip would know that someone was thinking about her. If Harry had been around, she had wanted to take him with her so he could honour Sirius. Her heart ached for Harry, she knew how much he missed Sirius and she hoped that wherever he went with Snape that he was all right.

She sat down on the cold grass and lit her candle. The half moon reflected on the waters of the lake. She stared out at the shining glow, deep in thought.

A slight rustling of leaves made her look up into the startled expression of Draco Malfoy.

For a second neither spoke. Malfoy found his voice first.

"What are you doing Granger, trying to summon up some spirits?" Malfoy asked with a raised eyebrow.

The brief irritation she had felt at being interrupted passed. "Not that you would ever understand, but I’ve lit a candle for one of the kitchen elves who died this past summer. Since it’s Samhain, I thought I could reach her and let her know that I cared." Just as she looked up at him, tears came into her eyes. She quickly looked away, awaiting his sneering comments.

"Sorry, Granger," came Draco’s soft reply, much to her surprise.

"Have you ever lost anyone you loved?" she asked while staring at the lake.

"When I was eight, there was a house elf that was always really good to me and she was killed."

"She was killed? How?" Hermione asked, dread curling in her stomach.

Draco hesitated then spoke quietly as he sat down near her. "My father killed her. She had disobeyed an order and he said it was necessary to show the other elves that disobedience was not tolerated."

Hermione’s eyes were wide with shock. "Why didn’t you stop him?"

Draco stared out at the lake. "Because I couldn’t." He wasn’t about to tell the mudblood that he had tried, but that his father had angrily used a belt on him that time to show his displeasure. It was the first really bad beating he had ever experienced, and he had learned at age eight to never disrespect his father again. From that day on, he never again interfered with the house elves. He closed his eyes, remembering the elf; she had brought him special cupcakes and treats whenever he was sick or when Lucius lost his temper with him.

"You mean wouldn’t! Why would some small, helpless being be worthy of your caring? You probably enjoyed seeing her killed," she spat at him.

"Shut up, Mudblood," he yelled at her. "You don’t know what you are talking about. You think you are so smart and that you know everything. You haven’t a clue what goes on in the wizarding world." His pale face was flushed and Hermione was shocked to see tears of anger sparkling in his gray eyes. He got up quickly and started to walk away.

"Malfoy, stop," she called after him.

Much to her surprise, he did. His back was to her and his black cape swirled around him. The moon shimmered off his light hair. "Tell me what happened," she said softly.

But it was too late, the old Malfoy was back. He turned with an icy look in his eyes. "I already told you." He sneered at her. "And you’re right, I enjoyed it," he said maliciously before turning and storming out of her sight.

Her eyes narrowed as she stared at the space he had just been in. Did she imagine it, or had he almost been human a few moments ago? She realized she should have kept her temper in check and not accused him. He was, after all, just eight when it happened and couldn’t have done much to stop Lucius.

She stayed outside for a short while longer, but an icy wind blew up so she too headed back.

Unbeknownst to her, Malfoy had not headed inside but had gone instead to another part of the lake, where he sat down and stared at the same reflection of the moon on the water as Hermione had.

He pulled his cloak tightly around him as the icy wind chilled him to the bone and wildly blew his blond hair. His father’s letter weighed heavily on his mind. He knew what Snape had said about the Death Eaters was right, but he also knew that Lucius Malfoy had a lot of power and a lot of influence. It was that prestige and power that Draco had wanted all his life. No one stood up to his father. He had copied and imitated him for years. After his father had killed the elf, he detached himself from the rest. He never befriended any of them again and he treated them coldly and harshly. That way, if anything happened to any of them he wouldn’t feel anything, he wouldn’t care. But tonight, the mudblood had made him remember. The horror of what his father had done came flooding back. The pain in the house elf’s eyes burned into his soul as did those final awful moments when his father had made him watch the light go out of her eyes as she died. He blinked back the blasted tears that kept forming. He had tried to focus on his father’s words as he punished him. "You dare defy your father!!! It was just an elf!"

But the tears that shimmered in Granger’s eyes kept knocking the memory of his father away. What did it feel like being in her world, feeling the things she did? She honoured an elf she barely knew. He had spent years not thinking about the elf that he had known. He looked up at the stars and choked out, "I’m sorry, Lypsa." Despite his best attempt to fight them off, a few tears shimmered their way down his face as he shivered in the night air.

He sat outside for a long time until the cold almost made him numb. Then he headed inside and sat in front of the fire in the Slytherin common room, trying to get warm again.

_________________________________________________________

Harry awoke the next morning feeling rather embarrassed as well as tired. He had slept restlessly all night, seeing the veil over and over again. His sense of loss almost as strong as it was at the beginning, yet combined with the bittersweet memory of having seen Sirius and his mom. He put his glasses on and petted Loki, who had come into the room and jumped up beside him.

"Potter, you better get to your dorm and get ready for breakfast."

Harry nodded and hesitantly looked up at him. "Thanks for letting me stay here last night."

Snape nodded his head curtly. He dark gaze flickered over him. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Harry answered then, looking at the floor, added, "Thanks for taking me there last night."

"You’re welcome. Don’t forget you have detention this afternoon."

The familiar curl of dread formed in his stomach. He went to the Gryffindor dorm and changed. When he walked into the Great Hall, all of Gryffindor’s eyes turned to him. He headed for his seat. Before anyone could say a word he spoke up: "I’m fine. I just had to take care of something last night, everything’s fine."

He forced a smile on his face and everyone went back to talking about the night before. Everyone except Ron and Hermione.

"What happened with Snape last night?" whispered Hermione.

Harry shook his head. "It was just part of my detention." They both looked at him with disbelief. "Really, I’m fine." He quickly grabbed a glass of pumpkin juice.

Ron and Hermione looked at each other; they both knew he was obviously upset.

After breakfast, as they were heading back to the common room, Hermione saw Malfoy.

"Um, I forgot to do something. I’ll catch up with you both in a minute."

"Sure." Harry smiled at her.

She followed Malfoy and Crabbe and Goyle as they headed to the dungeons. "Malfoy, can I speak with you for a minute?"

He turned, his gray eyes narrowed and the familiar sneer showed up. "Oh, look boys, the mudblood wants to spend time with me."

Crabbe and Goyle snickered. They kept walking while Malfoy stood, still glaring at her.

Hermione waited till Crabbe and Goyle were out of sight. "I just wanted to say I’m sorry for snapping at you last night. That’s all."

The sneer dropped and his eyes widened, looking startled. She turned to walk away. "I tried to save her," he said, his voice quiet.

She turned back to him and smiled softly. "I wondered about that, since you got so mad at me last night. You were only eight. I guess there wasn’t really any way for you to stop your father."

He shook his head.

She added, "I’m sorry she died."

The softest of smiles crossed Draco’s lips. "Thanks."

She turned and walked away, realizing that, for the first time ever, she had seen Malfoy smile a genuine smile that was not gained from humiliating or bullying someone.

Draco turned and headed for the dungeons with the soft smile still on his lips.

Harry and Ron were sitting in front of the fire talking about Quidditch when she walked in.

"Hey, I’ve got to talk to Professor McGonagall for a moment. I’ll be right back." Ron leapt up from the sofa.

Hermione gave him an inquiring look. He understood she was wondering if Harry had said anything. He shook his head.

She sighed and sat down beside him. "Are you feeling okay? You look tired."

"I’m fine." An annoyed look crossed Harry’s face.

She rolled her eyes. "You always say that, but you obviously aren’t." She frowned at him. "I went down to the lake last night and lit a candle for Calip, one of the kitchen elves who died over the summer. I was hoping you could come with me since it was Samhain and I thought you might like to light a candle for Sirius. Do you know about Samhain?"

Harry suddenly stiffened and a flash of pain crossed his face. "I know about it."

She sat closer to him. "What really happened last night?"

His heart started racing, but when he looked into Hermione’s warm brown eyes he relaxed.

"Snape took me to the Ministry of Magic."

"Oh, Harry." Hermione put her arm around him.

"I didn’t want to be there, but he told me about Samhain and the veil."

Hermione saw how painful it still was for him to even mention the veil. "Did you go over to it?" she asked softly.

He nodded, looking at his shoes. Her heart ached for him.

"I saw Sirius and my mum." He said it in such a soft whisper it was barely audible.

She felt tears well up in her eyes. She put her other arm around him and pulled him close. He let her; his arms came around her tightly. "Thanks, Hermione. I’m really glad I got to see them but…" He couldn’t go on.

"Shh, it’s okay. I know, it hurts so much because they aren’t in your life." He nodded miserably.

She shifted her position so his head was on her shoulder and he was stretched out beside her. She held him and stroked his hair. Her cheek rested against his forehead. Sleep overcame Harry as his eyes closed.

Awhile later, Ron came into the room and found them like that. At first his eyes narrowed.

"Snape took him to the veil last night," Hermione whispered.

Incredible sympathy entered Ron’s eyes. He went over and sat close to them. "Is he okay?"

"He’s sad, he’s exhausted. We have to help him, Ron."

Ron nodded and looked at Harry with concern evident on his face. "If he’ll let us. He keeps pushing us away."

"And we have to push right back," Hermione whispered.

After a bit, Harry woke up, feeling very embarrassed for having fallen asleep on Hermione.

"Sorry, I guess I was more tired than I thought."

"Are you feeling any better?" Ron asked.

Harry smiled wryly. "Yeah, a bit. Thanks, you two. I have to go talk to Professor Lupin."

"Okay," Hermione answered as she and Ron both smiled at him.

Harry went down to Lupin’s office and knocked on the door. He opened the door and smiled. "I was wondering if I would see you today," he said gently.

"I saw Sirius and my mum last night. I just wanted to say thanks. Professor Snape told me it was also your idea."

"We weren’t sure if it was too soon. Can you use the experience as something positive? The knowledge that those we love are never truly gone? Can you take comfort that are always near you, loving you, wanting you to be happy?"

Harry’s throat closed at Lupin’s words and he looked away, blinking rapidly.

Lupin’s hands rested softly on Harry’s shoulders.

"It’s okay to grieve, Harry. You need to let Professor Snape in, talk to him. He has his faults and he has a lot of old scars and wounds that make him the way he is, but you know that deep down he strives for the light, no matter how much darkness haunts him. Professor Dumbledore trusts him, I trust him, Professor McGonagall trusts him. It isn’t easy to earn our trust, but he has."

"How? Why?" Harry choked out.

"It’s not my place to explain that, but know that from all of us, his life is the most at risk. Will you promise me that you will give him a chance?"

Harry took a deep breath and nodded.

_______________________________________________________

Despite his conversation with Lupin, Harry regarded his upcoming detention with a sense of dread. He knew Snape would try to make him talk again. All those years of living with the Dursleys he never had anyone to talk to. Now having to share his innermost feelings and fears wasn’t easy. He had just been starting to do it with Sirius – he trusted him, Sirius understood him, Sirius had loved and missed his parents too. They shared a common link. He didn’t have that with Snape or anyone.

He sat by the window near his bed, looking out into the brilliant sunshine. He had needed to get away from everyone. After lunch in the common room, a couple of 2nd year Hufflepuffs had started singing Christmas Carols in preparation for strolling the streets of Hogsmeade before Christmas. The words of the songs "heavenly sleep" and "everlasting peace" had made a huge lump form in his throat. He desperately blinked back the tears that threatened to spill out in front of everyone.

After having spent the one and only Christmas with Sirius last year at Grimmauld Place, the unbearable pain at never being able to spend another one with him hit hard. He took off out of the Great Hall as discreetly as possible and came to sit by the window hoping that the scenery would calm the painful beats of his heart.

He realized, after awhile, that it was time for detention with Snape. He headed down to the dungeon and knocked on Snape’s door.

"Come in, Potter," came Snape’s voice. "Have you been practicing clearing your mind before going to sleep at night?" Snape asked, his dark eyes boring into him.

Harry nodded.

"Good, I think then we need to try Occlumency again and see if you have better results." Snape stood looking at him with his arms folded.

The sick feeling in Harry’s stomach grew. He took a deep breath and nodded, trying to desperately clear his mind before Snape threw the spell at him.

"Take out your wand and use it if you need to, but try to block me with your mind. Are you ready?" came Snape’s voice softly.

"Okay."

"Legilimens"

Harry focused as hard as he could to keep his mind blank and to block the intrusion from Snape, but he felt a force like a hand grabbing into his head then he saw his parents come one by one out of Voldemort’s wand, then he saw Sirius fall through the veil, then he saw his Sirius and his mother in the veil. The spell ended and once more he found himself on the floor shaking, his hand over his burning scar.

He heard Snape exhaling. His voice came very close to his ear. "Judging by your reaction today, my fears of taking you to the veil are confirmed. It was too soon. Lupin and I made a mistake."

Harry didn’t look up. He couldn’t stop the shivers that tore through his body. He felt Snape’s hands at this shoulders lifting him to his feet and guiding him over to the sofa. He put both hands over his head, and, with his elbows resting on his knees, he concentrated on taking some deep breaths.

"Potter, I want you try something for me. As soon as you have caught your breath, I want you to come and sit in front of me here on the carpet."

Harry opened his eyes and looked up at Snape. He slowly got up and sat down cross-legged in front of him.

Potter looked terrible, his face was ashen and his eyes looked haunted. Snape blinked, trying to shake off the pang of sympathy he felt. He couldn’t get sidetracked feeling pity, he needed to push him so he would finally learn Occlumency.

"I want you to try a relaxation technique. Close your eyes and try to make your mind blank." Snape watched him as he closed his eyes.

"Now I want you to take a deep breath, slowly. Hold it for a few moments, then release it as slowly as you can. Then pause for a moment before taking the next breath."

Harry followed Snape’s instructions. His shaking gradually grew less and less.

"I want you to do this every night before you go to sleep and every time before we practice Occlumency."

Harry did it one more time before he opened his eyes.

"Do you want to try Legilimens again?"

Harry shrugged. "Sure."

He stood up again as Snape pointed his wand.

"Legilimens."

This time he was back in the graveyard with Wormtail. The pain still sharp in his leg from the spider attack. Then he experienced Cedric’s death again. Voldemort’s Cruciatus Curse came next. He found himself on his knees again.

"You are not even TRYING!" came Snape’s frustrated voice. "How am I supposed to teach you when you don’t bother to clear your mind, when all you can focus on is self pity?"

Harry’s eyes flew open. "Who are you to talk about self pity. You who hated my father and me and Sirius for things that happened long ago. You don’t know how it feels to lose the only person you could trust, the only person who felt the same way about things, the only person in the world who you could turn to! You goaded Sirius about having to stay at Grimmauld Place and not being able to do anything. Because of you, he came to the Ministry of Magic and died," Harry angrily shouted at him, moisture gathering in his eyes.

Snape grabbed his arm. "So we are back to it being my fault?" he growled.

The tears overflowed as Harry wrenched his arm from Snape’s grasp. "No." He stopped to take a ragged breath. "It’s mine, just like Cedric’s was. Everyone that comes near me dies because of me. How do you think it feels having that hanging over you!" Harry gulped. "But I guess to you it’s just self pity!!!" Harry snarled the last sentence at him as he tore through the door, leaving Snape standing there, stunned.

Harry tore down the hallway coming to rest against a wall. He felt nauseous and his heart literally hurt. His hands covered his face as he tried to calm himself.

Draco turned the corner in the hallway and was startled to see Potter with his hands over his face leaning against a wall. He was breathing heavily.

Professor Snape suddenly turned the corner. "Potter."

Potter turned to him and yelled, "Just leave me alone!" He ran past Draco, not even seeing him in his haste to get away.

Draco looked up at Professor Snape. "What’s with him?"

"None of your business!" Snape growled and immediately regretted his words when he saw Draco take a step backwards.

"Sorry. He’s just being difficult, as usual. Did you want to come talk to me?" Snape asked, keeping his voice controlled this time.

Draco narrowed his eyes. He had wanted to talk to Snape, but when he snapped at him about Potter, he had changed his mind. He shook his head and walked past him.

Snape clenched his teeth. Why did he ever think he could help either boy?