Harry wished Snape would leave. There were a few things Harry really wanted to speak to Lupin about alone. Like that funeral. And whether Snape really had a son.

Snape had settled into a chair and was glaring at a particularly bad picture of himself, which was under the headline, RIGHT-HAND MAN, BUT TO WHOM?

"More tea, Harry?"

Harry shook his head, and Lupin refilled only his own cup. Harry noticed his hands were still shaking slightly.

On second thought, considering what had happened the last time they talked about Sirius, maybe Harry wouldn't ask after all. What good would it do, anyway? Even if there had been a funeral, and Harry had missed it, there wasn't anything that could be done now.

And who cared if Snape had a kid? Aside from being curious, it made no difference to him.

He pushed his chair back and stood up. "I think I'll just turn in."

Snape ignored him, but Lupin put down his tea and stood up also. "I'll see you as far as your room."

Harry nodded, but looked at Lupin suspiciously out of the corner of his eyes as they headed for the stairs. Since when did he need an escort just to get to his bedroom?

"I thought you might have more questions for me," Lupin said, his voice forcibly light.

"No," Harry said quickly. "Not really."

"It must have come as a shock to learn so much all at once," Lupin continued as though not hearing him. "But I'm sure you understand now why I couldn't tell you the whole truth from the beginning. None of what you've learned serves any purpose except to be hurtful."

Harry mumbled something that he thought might be taken for agreement, but he didn't agree at all. He wanted to know everything that had to do with him, no matter how minor or even if it wasn't completely true, like some of the newspaper articles he had just looked at.

Lupin stopped suddenly, and Harry nearly walked into him.

"Are you very upset with me?"

Harry frowned. "What?"

But Lupin seemed serious, and was looking at him with a pained expression.

"Of course not," Harry said. "Why would I be?"

"I wouldn't blame you if you were," Lupin assured him, apparently not appeased. "It would be natural for you to be ang--"

"I'm not upset," Harry interrupted irritably. Did Lupin want to fight with him? "I just don't want to talk about any of it right now."

As he said it, he realized it wasn't true at all. He did want to talk, but talking about any of the things on his mind had never ended very well. And he didn't want to upset Lupin again.

"Fine," he said grudgingly, picking out a question that he was reasonably sure wouldn't cause offense. "I want to know who was spotted at the train station, since it wasn't me."

Lupin relaxed slightly, and they set off up the stairs again. "It was Tonks. She's been very useful in all of this, as you can imagine."

"Oh." Harry reckoned he should have guessed that. "I wish I could do that. Then I wouldn't have to hide."

He sighed heavily, thinking about getting out of Grimmauld Place. Even shopping for school supplies would be a treat now.

"I could just go where I wanted, and no one would stare at me or... try to kill me. Or anything."

"Yes..." Lupin had slowed down, and was looking at Harry oddly. "That would certainly solve a lot of our problems. Just think, you could avoid all that unpleasantness with Fudge, and not have to watch your back at school."

Harry turned sharply, not sure if he'd heard right. "What do you mean, watch my back?"

"I'm afraid," Lupin said with a small, sad smile, "that just because Voldemort's gone does not mean you're entirely safe --"

Harry snorted. Yeah, having Aurors ransack Grimmauld Place looking for him was kind of a big clue.

"-- even at Hogwarts."

"Great," Harry said with another sigh. Then he frowned. "Professor Lupin? You did say I could go back to Hogwarts, right?"

Lupin hesitated.

Harry felt a jolt of panic. Of course. Everyone was looking for him, and according to the papers some thought he was dangerous. How could he turn up at school?

"We're working on it, Harry," Lupin said finally, rubbing his hand over his eyes. "You'll just have to be patient. I can't tell you either way."

They had reached Harry's room, and Harry, feeling numb and incapable of speech, stumbled inside.

"I haven't had a chance to bring all your things back," Lupin said, taking out his wand. "This will have to do for tonight."

The dust coating everything was banished and the blanket on the bed folded back invitingly.

Lupin hesitated, and then reached out to pat Harry on the shoulder. "I know it's been a long day. I have something for you."

He took a heavy parchment envelope out of his pocket and handed it to Harry.

Harry took it and stared at it and didn't open it. He knew what was inside by the shape and size.

"Good night, Harry," Lupin said, sounding pitying. "Try to catch up on lost sleep."

Harry waited for Lupin to shut the door behind him before sinking down on the bed. He pushed the envelope away from himself.

He felt very much like crying from frustration. Not even in his worst moments since coming to Grimmauld Place had he truly considered the possibility that he might not be able to go back to Hogwarts. Lupin had told him he would be going back.

Now apparently none of that was true.

He shut his eyes for a few moments, until he felt like he could breathe again.

The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was the envelope, lying where he had left it, impossible to ignore. Now that he had it, even though he knew what it would do to him, he had to open it.

The half-dozen photographs tumbled out onto the bed in front of him.

Taking his album from the bedside table, he turned the pages slowly, looking at each picture, until he came to the first blank page.

He slipped a photograph into its slot and traced the edges with one finger. Sirius looked up from among a mountain of half-wrapped gifts and grinned.

Sometimes Harry wondered why he tortured himself like this.

Harry woke up shivering and sweaty, the nightmare fading slowly as he blinked at his surroundings.

At least it was morning, and at least he hadn't been screaming.

The room was bare, so he had no reason to linger after washing up and dressing. He went downstairs, but found no one there and all the rooms dark except one. Snape was apparently already working.

He knocked softly, not sure if he was hoping Snape would open the door for him.

Snape did. His eyes narrowed, he looked down his nose at Harry with a look of particular distaste.

"What is it?"

"I can't find Professor Lupin," Harry said, and immediately felt pathetic for it.

"He left early this morning," Snape said coldly. "I would hope you are able to prepare your own breakfast."

"Yes, sir."

"Come back once you've had it," Snape said, already beginning to shut the door. "I wish to speak with you."

Harry stared at the closed door for a few moments before turning to go back to the kitchen. His appetite, which hadn't been great to start with, was now completely ruined.

He made some toast and drank the last of the pumpkin juice. It seemed like they were running low on a lot of things. He tried to convince himself that Lupin might have gone out for supplies.

He presented himself back at the library door and knocked.

"Inside, Potter."

Harry took a steadying breath and went in.

Snape was managing more than a dozen cauldrons, but at the moment it seemed that none required his attention. He motioned Harry toward a bench and waited until Harry had sat down.

"No doubt Lupin made himself scarce this morning in the hope that I would speak with you and take the task off his hands."

Harry clenched his teeth together.

"No doubt, also, that he would have done a shoddy job of it. It's for the best that we find ourselves alone, and I can make myself clear." Snape held up a glass containing a muddy green liquid. "You are familiar with Polyjuice, are you not?"

Harry nodded. Snape knew perfectly well that Harry was familiar with it.

"I have perfected a modification which will prevent the potion from wearing off until an antidote is taken."

Harry wasn't sure what he was expected to say, so he nodded again.

Snape looked irritated and put the potion down on the table rather hard. "Hogwarts is reopening."

Harry looked up, just barely swallowing the squeak of surprise that almost leaped from his lips. He had been under the impression the school would stay closed until the end of summer.

"Unless you're a complete fool, you will recognize that it would be best for us all to leave this house as soon as possible. However..." Snape paused, looking at Harry as though it were Harry's own fault. "It is not possible while the Ministry continues to search for you."

Something clicked in Harry's brain. "But... if I was disguised...?"

"Then we could return to Hogwarts, where accommodations will doubtlessly be more comfortable."

Harry opened his mouth to say that he would drink Snape's potion immediately, if that was the case, but something in the way Snape was looking at him made him stop. He frowned. "What's the catch?"

Snape's lips curled into a sneer. "The catch, Potter, is that neither Lupin nor I are quite prepared to trust you to carry off such a ruse."

Harry bristled. He didn't have any desire to be caught by the Ministry, and it hurt to think that Lupin believed he might give himself away on purpose. He expected it of Snape, of course.

"Before I even tell you what we are considering, let me outline the rules you would have to follow." Snape gave him a very hard look, as if expecting Harry to protest at the mere mention of rules. "You would, at all times, maintain your new identity." He glared at Harry again. "You would not speak to any former friends unless given specific permission to do so."

Harry waited, but it seemed Snape had only those two rules on his list. "Er... I can do that. I'd really like to go back to Hogwarts."

He didn't expect Snape to bring his hand slamming down on the table like a clap of thunder, making everything rattle.

"THIS IS NOT A GAME, POTTER!"

Harry stared at him with apprehension. He really hated when Snape's eyes gleamed in that horrible way; it reminded him too much of Uncle Vernon.

"I know it isn't, sir," he said quietly. His voice trembled slightly.

Snape approached him -- stalked over to him, more like -- making Harry want to abandon the bench.

"You would cease to exist," Snape said in a deadly, low tone, bending close enough that Harry felt his breath on his face. "You would no longer be a Gryffindor. You would no longer be famous --"

"Do you think I care about that?" Harry exploded. "I get it! If anyone finds out you and Lupin have me, you'll go to Azkaban and I'll go to Fudge! I GET IT!"

There was such a silence, and Snape was staring at him with such a pale, thin-lipped expression, that Harry for a moment really feared he might have gone too far.

"Sir," he said more quietly. "I wouldn't do anything stupid."

"You've done something stupid every year that you have been at Hogwarts," Snape said, his face still a stony mask that Harry knew had to be hiding rage. "Forgive me if I fail to be reassured."

"I know," Harry said, swallowing. It cost him to say it. "I know I have."

Snape let out a slow breath, still glaring at him. "I want to believe that you would not be foolish enough to give yourself away on purpose. Lupin suggested that you would be most likely to do so to reassure your friends."

Harry hesitated, for a moment imagining what it might be like to have Ron and Hermione ignore him because when they looked at him they saw someone else. "But... they won't be at Hogwarts now, will they?"

"Not now, no," Snape said. "It is possible, however, that classes will have started before it would be safe for you to abandon your disguise."

Harry swallowed and thought again about being an outcast among his own friends.

"Well?"

Harry thought of staying at Grimmauld Place for the rest of summer... and perhaps into the school year. Those were his options, weren't they? That was why Snape was telling him all of this, and why Lupin wouldn't give him an answer last night when he asked if he would be going back to Hogwarts.

"Well?"

"I can do it," Harry said, trying to sound sure. "I mean, I have to, don't I? I can't go back to Hogwarts otherwise."

Snape's eyes bore into him for several very long minutes. "I assume you understand that your disguise would have to be one that would arouse the least suspicion? A new student starting Hogwarts would be promptly investigated."

Harry nodded... and then experienced another breakthrough. "Wait... you can't mean...?"

Snape's lips thinned even more, and his eyes narrowed even more dangerously.

Harry choked back the lump that rose in his throat. "I'd have to be your son, wouldn't I?"

Lupin found him sitting with his knees drawn up to his chin in one of the rigid armchairs in the parlor.

"Harry?" Lupin flicked his wand and the lights came on. He looked at Harry with a slight frown. "Is something wrong?"

Yes, just about everything.

But he just shook his head.

Lupin took a few steps into the room and then hesitated. "I'm sorry I left without telling you. I thought you could use the sleep, and I did leave quite early this morning."

"S'all right."

Lupin had come as far as the other armchair and sat gingerly down, as if he expected Harry to explode any minute. "Is something wrong? Did something happen?"

"professorsnapetoldmeicantgobacktohogwarts--"

"Slowly, please, Harry."

Harry sighed. He wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. He should have gone to his room, really, because he just wanted to be alone, but he was sick of his room... and maybe, deep down, he did want Lupin to feel guilty for leaving him with Snape that morning.

"Professor Snape told me about Hogwarts."

Lupin jerked back, his expression flashing through several variations of surprise and anger. His voice, when he spoke, was guarded. "Did he?"

Having Lupin look at him like that didn't make Harry feel better at all, and he suddenly felt petty and childish.

"It's all right, really. I just thought --"

"And you're right," Lupin said, not letting him finish. "You should have heard it from me. I don't know why he felt it was necessary to tell you this morning." He sighed. "I suppose it's done now. How do you feel about it?"

Harry didn't really know. Snape had made it sound like he was making a great sacrifice in agreeing to give up his ability to badger and berate Harry in public... Harry didn't doubt that it was exactly that, for Snape.

"I told him I thought I could do it," he said truthfully, "but I don't know."

Lupin sat back in his chair and sighed again. "It's a difficult proposition, I know. Having to give up your identity --"

"I don't care about that," Harry said hotly. Not Lupin, too. Did everyone think Harry enjoyed his fame so much? "I was just thinking about my friends and not being able to... well, be friends with them anymore. I don't care about anything else!"

"I... I imagine you would be able to let them know, eventually," Lupin said hesitantly. "I can't promise you this --"

Good, Harry thought. Because your promises don't seem to be worth very much lately.

He immediately felt sick with himself.

"-- but once we see how things are, it may be safe."

Harry nodded glumly, not believing him.

"And it's only for a short time," Lupin continued. "I know that when you're young, a few months can seem like an eternity, but think of all the things you will be able to do meanwhile."

Harry looked up at him, frowning. "Like what?"

"You said you wanted to go out and not be stared at, didn't you? Think about going to Diagon Alley, or to Hogsmeade, and not have to worry."

Harry perked up slightly, but only until he realized that the first Hogsmeade weekend wasn't likely to be until November, at least, and that Lupin's 'a few months' estimate was just another half-lie to try to make him feel better.

After a short silence, Lupin seemed to despair of making Harry feel better by gentle persuasion, and switched tactics.

"Unfortunately, we don't have very many options. Both Professor Snape and I will have to leave for Hogwarts within the next few weeks to begin preparations for the new term, and of course there is no question of leaving you here by yourself. If you don't feel up to this, we will need to find a different arrangement."

"I want to go to Hogwarts," Harry said quickly, even though he knew perfectly well that Lupin was already aware of that.

Lupin smiled at him, though it was a rather stiff smile. "I know you do, but we have to think of your safety first... and then of our own. A lot of people would be endangered should this fail. Do you think, for example, that the Ministry would believe McGonagall did not know what was going on? Do you think they would believe that your friends had not been let in on it?"

Harry ducked his head, not wanting Lupin to see whatever expression he could feel forming on his face. He didn't appreciate being manipulated like this, and Lupin was repeating what Snape had already said. It hurt to have his feelings for his friends be used against him, and he hadn't expected it from Lupin.

"Harry?"

"I understand," Harry said, finally looking up when he thought he had regained control. "I know this is a good plan, and I would try really hard not to let you down."

Lupin smiled at him, a genuine smile this time, and reached out to ruffle his hair. "I know you would. And I will be there, don't forget."

That, however, just reminded Harry of something else he had been thinking of.

"But you won't be, will you? I mean, if I'm Snape's son, you don't have any reason to talk to me outside of class."

Lupin's smile slid right back to its forced counterpart. "I don't believe that would be an issue."

"Huh?" Harry said, and then, remembering the thing he had been trying not to dwell on -- the thing between Lupin and Snape that should never have happened -- he dropped his head. "Oh... yeah."

Lupin stood up, rather hastily if you asked Harry. "Well, I don't know if you've had lunch, but I think I'll go see about it. If you'd go wash up, I can have something on the table by the time you're ready, and we can continue our conversation over a hot meal. I'm sure that would be the best course of action."

Harry hadn't been hungry that whole morning, and wasn't sure there was anything left to discuss, but he nodded. "All right."

Lupin left, looking more than a little relieved. Harry scowled after him.

Why was it that he was always being given choices that weren't choices at all?

"Again."

Harry sighed and began all over, just as he had been practicing all morning. "My mother's name was Beatrice Carmichael. My grandmother was Dorothy Carmichael. My grandfather was Daniel Carmichael. I grew up in --"

"That's enough, Severus," Lupin said quietly. "He's got it."

Harry sighed again, this time with relief that he could finally stop.

Snape was giving him an ugly look, and Harry tried not to meet his eyes.

Lupin patted Harry's back and picked up the glass containing the potion. "Are you ready?"

Harry eyed the lumpy potion one last time and nodded.

His things were packed into a battered, old-fashioned steamer trunk with peeling letters spelling out SNAPE across one side. Lupin had gone through his things and removed anything he thought was too obviously Harry's, and that left Harry with nothing but some old textbooks, quills, and half-used potions supplies. Lupin was going to keep everything else for him.

They were going to Diagon Alley to pick up the rest of what he would need, including a whole new set of casual clothes and school robes, and meanwhile he was wearing his own jeans paired with an ill-fitting and scratchy cardigan that Lupin had found for him. The only way Harry could stand to wear it was by imagining that it could have belonged to Sirius when he had been a boy.

Lupin handed him the glass, and Harry forced himself to stop breathing long enough to down the contents. It didn't help very much; the taste was even more foul than he remembered.

He had been preparing for the awful feeling of his limbs being deformed and his face melting like wax, but there was only a tingly, stretchy feeling, like his skin was trying to grow to accommodate the flesh underneath. His vision blurred.

"I don't think you need these," Lupin said, removing Harry's glasses and tucking them into his own pocket. "Well... come look."

Harry, who had been trying to avoid precisely that, and had been staring resolutely at the wall, allowed Lupin to pull him in the direction of the mirror.

He took a breath, raised his head, and looked.

Snape's son, unmistakably, looked back.