Potions and Snitches
Snape and Harry Gen Fanfiction Archive

Chapter 7: The Suffering of Albus

"When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, ‘til it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn."

-Harriet Beecher Stowe

I find that I have a small bounce in my step today as I make my first set of rounds.  When I woke up and went downstairs to make breakfast this morning, I came face to face with someone I hadn't expected to ever see again.

My dad.

Well, he wasn't quite back to normal, but his eyes were glistening with life and that was enough for me to notice a difference.  He wasn't a zombie anymore; in fact, he had even made himself some porridge and was eating it without any prodding upon my arrival.  No words could possibly describe my shock at seeing this.

When I asked about his plans for the day, he had told me he wanted to look into going back to work on a part-time, paperwork-only basis.  He Flooed over to the Auror's Department right before I left and is hopefully getting reinstated right now.  I think this will be good for him and I'm really happy that he seems to realize he needs to take it slow.

The only bad part about my father being well again was that he asked about Viv.  It was easy enough to lie and say that we were only friends, though I'm not quite sure he bought it.  As a Hufflepuff, lying has never been my forte.  Whether he noticed it or not, he did let it go, for which I am rather grateful.

"Mr. Snape," I say, greeting my patient as I enter room 174.  "How are you feeling today?"

"Could you say that any louder, boy?  I never said you could use my given name!"

I am unsurprised upon hearing his recrimination.

"Why does it matter?" I shoot back, unphased.  "I already know who you are."

"Just because you know, doesn't mean I want the whole damn world to!  I kept it a secret for a reason, boy, and I expect your confidentiality when it comes to this matter."

Annoyed, I reply, "Well, what should I call you then?"

"Sir, John Doe-make something up!  Do I look like I give a rat's arse?"

"Well...looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning," I reply, irritated by his snark.  I quickly uncork his pain potions so I can escape a bit faster.  I don't want him to spoil my good mood.

"Hmph, I didn't have to wake up because I never went to sleep!  That new witch down the hall kept yelling for help all night and no one bothered to silence her door!"

I narrow my eyes at his lack of understanding.  "She was just having a hard night-this place is hard to get used to at first.  You of all people should know that."

"Thankfully, I won't be here much longer to put up with it," he said, then shakily grabbed his copy of the Prophet and levitated it in front of his face for easy reading.

I can't believe I just heard that!  "Must you be so morbid?  You can't really feel that way!"

"I most certainly can and do, Mr. Potter.  The sooner I'm out of this hellhole, the better; I thought we already went over this."

"Yes, sir," I say, remembering how depressed he must be, since he wanted to spend the remainder of his life alone and in peace.  "Just please, please don't say that again."

"Why not?" he asked, looking me straight in the eye over his newspaper.

Was this some sort of test? 

Not knowing quite how to reply to that, I finally say, "I don't want you to die, sir.  I'm sure my dad doesn't want you to either; not now that he's finally gotten to see you again."

"Well, people don't always get what they want in life.  I'm pretty sure you heard me spell that out quite clearly yesterday," Snape replied, staring at me knowingly.

How the hell...?  "How did you know?"

"That you were eavesdropping?  I could feel your presence."  He touches his head as he says this, reminding me of his Legilimency powers, dying though they were.

"Did you hear what you wished to hear?" he asks me, one eyebrow cocked up suspiciously.  "Or were you hoping for me to give you some advice as well?"

I am silent, as I don't really know what to make of his speech.  He's looking at me so deeply that I feel as though he's looking into my soul with his dark eyes.  It is a test and I don't know whether or not I'm passing.

In the end, I find I don't have to say anything.

"As it turns out," Snape finally says, "I do have some advice for you; however, the time is not appropriate for such a lesson.  Come back after dinner and I will tell you what you need to know."

He sounds so sure of himself-cocky, really.  I turn and leave after he takes his potions, feeling rather disturbed about his new behavior.

Great, now instead of worrying about Dad all day, I'm going to worry about Snape.  Just what I need, another thing to worry about.  With Viv still not talking to me, I had really hoped that today would be very uneventful because my mind still isn't totally focused on my work.  Really, I'm not sure if it will ever be while she's mad at me.

I wish I didn't have so many problems...and judging from the sounds coming from around the corner, my day was about to get a bit worse.  The clicking noises of several sets of feet were promptly getting closer to me, along with many recognizable voices.

"Minister, can you tell me about the new bill-"

"-and how Harry Potter was involved-"

"-how is your husband holding up?"

For a moment, I contemplate hiding.  Only for a moment though.  Whispering, I quickly conjured up a Patronus to alert security and send it off with haste.  Then, already knowing my fate, I round the corner to see a very familiar face approaching me.

"Aunt Hermione," I exclaim, happy to see a familiar face amid a herd of cattle.  "I didn't know you were coming today!"

"Albus," she says to greet me, then immediately wraps me in a warm hug.  Cameras flash around us and reporters are now directing questions towards me as well, but I close my eyes and ignore it, soaking up my aunt's love as long as possible.

As I pull away, I am relieved to see that the security guard has arrived and is showing the press to the door.  Thank goodness.

Once the press is out of earshot, Aunt Hermione automatically starts firing questions at me.  "How's Ron?  Has he spoken with Harry yet?  Is Harry holding up okay?" she asks anxiously.

"Ron is still in bed and still refusing to try and move his legs-he won't let me come near him.  Dad, being Dad, has been in for visits on multiple occasions, but Ron usually yells at him until I pull him out of the room."

"Damn it," Aunt Hermione whispers under her breath.

"Dad hasn't been taking it well for the last two weeks," I say, unsure as to whether or not I should tell her about Severus.

"I'm sorry about Ronald.  I know that's the last thing Harry needs right now.  I'll try and talk some sense into him, but you know how he is...  He'll have to come to terms with things in his own time."

I nod as Hermione looks at me sadly.  "I could come and talk to your dad too.  He's still blaming himself, isn't he?"

I nod.

"I knew it," Hermione said, looking frustrated.  "Make sure you remind him that I know he did a good job of covering Ron when they were making the bust.  Nobody could have known that there were so many illicit brewers keeping guard.  Considering the circumstances, I think it's a miracle that they both lived to tell the tale."

"No matter how many times you tell him that, he still won't believe you.  Trust me, I've tried.  He's just used to taking the blame when something goes wrong," I say sadly.  "He's trying though and he did go back to work today.  That's a start."

"He did?" Hermione asked with raised eyebrows.  "Good for him.  He needs to stop wallowing in his guilt and get something done."

"That's exactly what I think."

"Good-well, I should go and see Ron since I haven't been around in a couple of weeks.  Say hi to Harry for me and tell him that I'll be by to chat as soon as I can make some time," Hermione said, giving me another quick hug.

"Take care," I tell her as she walks slowly down the hall to room 136.  I only hear the first two words of Uncle Ron's inevitable rant before the door magically slams shut and leaves the hallway silent.

I sigh and head into the break room for a quick dinner.  Much to my surprise and dismay, I find Vivian already picking through a salad at one of the tables.  When I sit beside her with my own dinner, she gets up and moves to another table.

My heart breaks all over again.  Words cannot describe how much that simple action hurt me.  I wanted to tell her about Dad.  I wanted...

I wanted to apologize.

I don't though.  Clearly, she does not want my presence tonight and so I finish my dinner rather quickly, then move onto helping distribute the patient's meals.  I am so distracted by Vivian's rejection that I find myself merely going through the motions of work instead of actually doing my job.  Somehow, I can sense that I'm already out of commission for the night.

To make matters worse, I soon find myself cornered by Mae, who assaults me with accusations about Vivian and what I must have done to ruin the obvious romance between us.  I am about ready to Avada myself into oblivion when the fire alarm, of all things, goes off.

Damn it all!  Mae panics and I quickly levitate her and another nearby patient out the door and across the street to safety.  I run back in and corner my boss Amy as she heads for the door, levitating Opal on her bed.

"Why didn't you tell me we were having a fire drill today?" I ask, panicking a bit as I see elderly wizards and witches heading for the door without assistance. 

Amy pushes past me though and calls back, "It's not a drill, Albus; there's smoke in the far hall!  Go Floo Emergency Wizarding Services!"

As if on cue, storm clouds form above our heads and start raining heavily-the sprinkler system seems to be working, much to the dismay of the elderly witches trying to get out of the building.  I quickly sprint away to get help.

Slipping and sliding my way down the tiled hallway, I somehow make it into the break room and grab a heaping handful of Floo powder.  I frantically throw it into the fire and watch as it flares green before my eyes.  Then I'm on my knees shoving my head into the flames to give the EWS our address.

Within a minute, I'm up again, wiping streams of water off of my face.  I only manage to make the situation worse though by sticking some of the leftover Floo powder on my face.  It sticks and itches, but I ignore it as best I can as I turn to jog down the hallway.

"Lumos!" I shout and instantly a bright light shines from my wand.  I go down the hall quickly, pulling open doors and checking for patients in the darkened rooms.  All of the water has put out the torches that normally light the place.  The further I get down the hallway, the heavier the smell of smoke becomes.

Dear Merlin, it really is a real fire!

I catch a slight motion out of the corner of my eye and immediately open up the locked storage room to check for patients.

"Alohomora!"

I yank the door open, only to be pulled in by an invisible force.  The door's lock clicks behind me at the same time as a wand pushes into my throat violently.  I look up and find myself face to face with Severus Snape, looking more like a Death Eater than ever.

"Severus..." I say quietly, scared of what he might do to me.  His eyes are dark and shining with malice.  "What are you doing in here?"

"Leaving," he says simply, his eyes and wand remaining steadily on me.

Oh dear Merlin, he intends to Apparate.  Seeing as he's having a hard time simply holding himself up, I can't help but worry about the outcome of this.

"Severus, let me help you out of here.  There's a fire-"

"I know.  I started it."

My eyes widen.  This was premeditated.  He had needed a distraction and this most certainly was one.  "Severus, you can't be serious-"

The wand jabs even harder into my throat, forcing me to cough.  "Oh, I've never been more serious about anything.  I am not dying in this hellhole!  Surely you understand this, boy.  Let me go and die in peace!"

I understand his logic and even feel for his plight.  A war hero should have a choice in how he wishes to spend the remainder of his time on Earth.  However, I sincerely believe he is going to Splinch himself if he tries this now.  I can feel the wand wavering against my neck.  He may have mustered up the willpower to drag himself out of bed and down the hallway, but he has exerted too much of his strength already.  Quickly, I search my head for a reason to make him stay, something...anything!

"You helped my father out-please don't leave him now.  Honor your promise to Albus Dumbledore to help him-"

"Trying to guilt trip me, are you?  Perhaps there is a bit of Slytherin in you after all!  Too bad I'm not going to fall for it.  I already honored that pledge and Albus Dumbledore is long dead-there is nothing more I can do for your father.  He must now help himself." 

Great.  I dig desperately for something more.  "You promised to give me advice," I finally say, rather lamely.  "Come on outside and tell me what I need to do.  You helped my dad and now you can help me."

Snape cracks a sideways smirk, which worries me.  "No need to do that; my advice for you isn't as conventionally given as your father's was.  I can tell you it right here, right now."

"Please Severus, we are going to burn up!" I beg him.

"Aren't you curious about how I got in here and got my wand, all undetected?" he asks, ignoring my pleas.

"Severus-"

"I have not been able to walk well for some time, so I flew-which is one of the only useful things I learned from being in the Dark Lord's service, mind you."

I stare at him in the dark, his face barely illuminated by my wand, which is laying at my side where I dropped it.  Droplets pour down his emaciated cheeks and his clumpy hair is plastered to his face.

I stare at him in awe.  He is strong enough to fly, something that most wizards are not strong enough to accomplish, even when in their most powerful adult years.    Severus did it without his wand.  Surely this wizard is one of the most powerful of his kind today.

"The fire was easily lit and I cast it so that it would magically resist water.  A nice little trick, wouldn't you say?

"Next, I disillusioned myself and flew down the hall, somehow avoiding all of those obnoxious, panicking fools.  But guess, Potter, who saw through my act?  Guess who stood in my way?"

The dim light from my wand hits his black eyes eerily.  I am so focused on trying to read his face that I jump when something small and light hits my lap.  My eyes flash downward to see a wand in my lap.  A small wand, made of light, unfinished wood.

"Vivian," I whisper.

"It was all too easy to disarm her.  Really, I worked much too hard to have my plans squandered by a Gryffindor."

My mouth falls open as I put two and two together.  "She's still in here, isn't she?  You knocked her unconscious," I say slowly, my hard starting to pound furiously within my chest.

Fear.  I've never felt it quite so acutely before.  At least, not since the incident.

"Oh dear Merlin," I whisper to myself, then look up at him as a fire burns within me.  "What did you do to her?!" I scream, my anger no longer in check.

"Rest assured, Mr. Potter, I did not ‘knock her unconscious' as you have assumed.  I did, however, take the liberty of locking her in a closet so she would not spoil my getaway.  I suggest you go find her, before the fire does."

He steps away and I stumble to my feet, never taking my eyes away from him.  "What closet?" I ask, feeling rather panicked.  She could suffocate in there, for Merlin's sake!  Suffocate or even worse!

"You know, my memory just isn't quite what it should be these days, Potter.  I suppose you'll have to figure that one out for yourself," he says, looking amused.

"She could die, you bastard-"

"Then you better stop wasting your time on me, boy, and go find her!" He exclaims, his eyes wide with accusation.

I am torn for a few seconds between dragging him out and going to find Viv.  Damn it all, I know what I have to do, but still, even after all this chaos, I don't want to see my childhood hero go.

"If you Splinch yourself, I'll never forgive you."

"You need not worry about me, Mr. Potter.  I have never Splinched myself during my life and I certainly don't plan to start today.  Now go and find your pretty girlfriend before it's too late."

And then, with a wave of his wand, he's gone.

"SHIT!" I exclaim, and then grab our two wands and cry out, "LUMOS!"

Both wands respond to me and light the hallway quite nicely as I slide through the rain and carelessly discarded items.  I'm headed into the smoke.  Coughing, I duck down and quickly unlock the first closet I come to.

Nothing.

My eyes are burning now, as the smoke gets thicker.  I can feel myself starting to sweat, despite the cold water pouring down on me.  There's no one behind the next door either.  Frantically, I carry on.  Whether she likes me or not, I could not live with myself if something happened to her-I have to find her and fast!

I grab the next closet door and low and behold, this one won't open with Alohomora.  I bang on the door violently and scream, "Vivian!  Vivian, are you okay?!  VIVIAN!"

Quickly, I rack my brain for other unlocking spells and have no luck opening it.  Nothing seems to be working!  Hysterically, I grab the doorknob and try to jerk the door open, not knowing what else to do.  I turn it, pulling as hard as I possibly can; yanking with all of my strength to try and save the treasure within.

Suddenly I'm falling fast.  Sharp pain shoots through my skull and a heavy weight lands atop me.  The whole world seems to spin around me as my head throbs fiercely.  I close my eyes and moan as voices call my name.  The sound echoes in my ears and makes my head hurt worse.  Then it all fades to nothing.

OOOOOOO

Warm fingers stroke my arm languidly.  My head hurts.  Darkness gives way to bright light.  When I open my eyes, I find Viv beside my bed.

"Albus?" she whispers softly, "can you hear me, sweetheart?"

I groan and close my eyes again.  The light is too bright and is making my head throb violently.  I feel as if I might vomit if the light doesn't go away.

When I open my eyes though, it's gone.  In the much dimmer light, I carefully inspect Viv, who is silently staring at me.  She looks terrible.  Her normally kempt hair has transformed into a frizzy, blonde afro and she has a trail of makeup flowing from each of her eyes. 

Her hand is warm on my arm and her eyes are filled with concern for me.  "What happened?" I somehow manage to croak.

"You were trying to get me out of the closet and when the door came open, you fell and slammed your head on a metal cart.  You had a concussion and passed out-you really gave us all a scare for a little while there, Albus," she said, leaning in to touch my forehead with her hand.

"Fire?" I question, still feeling groggy and disoriented.

"The fire wasn't real, Albus.  It was an illusion that looked real, and released real heat and smoke, but was not real.  The EWS got rid of it quite easily and no one other than you was hurt."

I breathe a sigh of relief.  "Thank Merlin you're all right..." I murmur.  "I thought you might suffocate in...in the closet.  I thought you might die."

Viv's hand squeezes my own tightly as I imagine what the worst-case scenario of tonight's chaos could have been.  "The closet was charmed to not let any smoke or fire in, dear.  Professor Snape planned this mess quite immaculately, though I'm not sure just why he did it.  The Aurors came in earlier to talk to me, but I didn't know what to tell them."

Vivian looks at me, clearly hoping for some sort of answer.  I oblige her.  "He wanted to escape; he planned a way out so he wouldn't have to die in the nursing home.  I caught him in a storage closet, stealing his wand.  Of course, those aren't included in the anti-apparition barrier, so..."

I trail off as my head starts spinning a bit.  Viv has already put two and two together.  "He got away," she says distantly.  "He really is a master of magic."

Something else dawns on me and my eyes widen when I realize I've forgotten something very important.  "The Aurors came...  Where's Dad?"

Once again, Vivian somehow manages to soothe my panicking by squeezing my hand.  "He's here, Albus.  It's okay; he's here and he's safe."

I start to sit up so I can look around the room to see Dad, only to be pushed gently back onto the bed by Vivian.  "He's out in the waiting room-I'd go get him, but the nurses had to dose him with a calming draught earlier and I think they gave him a bit too much because he's out cold."

"How much did they give him?" I mumble, suddenly feeling as if I could sick up at any moment.  Trying to get up had definitely been a bad idea 

"A lot," Vivian says with a sad smile.  "He was really worried about you.  I doubt he'll be awake before tomorrow morning."

We sit in silence for a while.  I manage to get my stomach back under control while Vivian watches over me like the golden-haired angel she is.  "Albus," she finally says, "Lily also came by-"

"Lily?" I question in shock.  Lily came voluntarily?

"Yes, she heard about the accident on the wireless and wanted to make sure you were all right."

I try to think about the connotations of that, but it just makes my head spin.  I put my other hand over Vivian's hand and close my eyes for a moment.

"Did Dad see her?"

"Harry was already out cold when she came.  She said couldn't stay long because she needed to get back to her kids, but it sounded like she might try and come back tomorrow."

I frown.  "Don't I get to leave tomorrow?"

"The Mediwizard wasn't sure you'd be recovered enough by tomorrow.  I think you're going to need to take some time off work, Al.  It's going to take you a while to recover from all of this-stop frowning, dear.  I'll come by to help with your dad.  We'll make it work, okay?"

I find myself confused.  "I thought...I thought you were mad at me, Vivs.  Why are you helping me after I hurt you?"

Vivian's eyes droop a bit, but she still manages to smile at me sadly.  "I told you, Albus.  I love you.  That's all there is to it," she says quietly and slowly.

Merlin, I've hurt her...

I don't know what to do to make it right.

She's doing so much for me though, so much and I don't deserve any of it.  Maybe it's time for me to give her a bit more of me, even if it hurts.

I put my other hand on top of her hand that is already holding mine.  I look her in the eyes and for once, I actually find myself saying what I feel.  "I love you too, Viv," I whisper, cradling her hand gently between both of mine.

Vivian looks right back at me, uncertainty painted all over her face.  She doesn't know where this is going.  Really, I'm not sure if I do either, but I know what needs to be said.

"I love you...and that's why I'm scared."

"Scared of what?" she whispers, her eyes wide with morbid curiosity and just a hint of fear.  She knows that this is what she's been waiting to hear, even if it's really horrible.

The look in her eyes takes me back to the kitchen, back to the cupboard under the stairs, back to that fateful night...  I wish I could forget it, but now I know the horror is so deeply ingrained in my memory that I never will.

"They never caught him, you know..."

"Caught who?" she asks, staring at me intensely.  "Tell me, Albus.  I want to know."

"The wizard who killed my mum," I whisper.  "He's still out there."

Vivian clutches my hand even tighter.  "Albus..."

"And...and if something like that happened to you, Viv, I don't know what I'd do."

"Albus, nothing is going to happen-"

"You can't guarantee that!" I exclaim, horrified that she doesn't understand.  "Don't you think that's what my dad thought up until it happened?!  Nobody thinks these things will happen to them, but they do!  They do!"

"Quiet down, there are patients trying to sleep in the next room," Vivian reprimands, even as she wipes a stray tear away from her eye.

"Nobody knows who did it, Viv," I say a bit more softly, but still trying to get my point across solidly.  "He's still out there.  It could have been a Death Eater-no one knows how many of them are still out there, unpunished and uncaught.  The press is always after my Dad and his family, including me, even though I don't ever do anything that deserves the spotlight.  Dad's even had a couple of stalkers back in the day; fans who were so obsessed with him that they'd stop at nothing to meet him.

"The bottom line is that it's not safe to live with me, Viv.  I love you, but if you were hurt or died because of being associated with me and my dad, I don't think I could live with myself."

"Oh Albus..." Vivian sniffles, tears falling down her face unabashedly now.  She brings her other hand up to my face and I feel its warmth as she runs it across my cheek, leaving behind a tingly sensation more magical than anything a wand could produce.

Her face comes close to mine and I shut my eyes as I feel her breath on my chin.  Warm lips gently come in contact with mine, then pull away with a soft smack.  I feel her lips brush mine as she murmurs my name again.  I can taste the minty gum she must have chewed as she makes me shudder with her kisses and soft touches. 

A moment later, she gently pulls away, taking my hand again and holding it loosely.  We sit in silence again.  I keep my eyes closed and imagine what we'd be like together if we married; I think we'd be very happy together.  The thought is bittersweet to me.

I find myself starting to drift back into sleep again, when Vivian squeezes my hand again.  I open my eyes and look at her expectantly.

"Albus...  You once told me that your dad thought his years married to Ginny were the best in his life."

"Yes, they were."

"Do you think he regrets marrying her?"

I do a double take.  "Of course not!  Why would you ask that?"

"Albus, I already knew the answer to that question.  You're the one who needs to realize that Harry and Ginny had a good life together.  They were married for what, 20-some years before she died.  She had three beautiful children and together, your mum and dad raised them with love.  How could your dad regret that?"

Vivian leans in close and looks me in the eyes.  "Albus, can't we just enjoy whatever time we have?  I don't want to regret losing you."

"But I don't want to lose you either-"

"Isn't it worth the risk, Albus?  I would rather spend 20 happy years with you than 100 unhappy ones without!" she proclaims.  "Please!"

I feel my heart being twisted within my chest.  "Viv, I..."

"Please," she whispers pitifully. 

It's over.  Hell, it was over before it had begun.  One kiss to her hand later and I find myself virtually engaged to the woman I love.

Chapter End Notes:
Epilogue to come!

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