~*~

"Eww... I feel like a baby." Harry spluttered while Black Hawk washed his face carefully.

"You have dirt everywhere. Sand bathing is for horses, not humans, Harry."

"Very funny. Argh, Black Hawk!" Harry protested when the man pulled his head sideways to wash behind his ears.

"Stop pouting and dive. Your hair is full of dust and sand. Rub it with your good hand under the water while I hold your hurt hand up." Ten minutes later they went over to their clothes. "Here!" Black Hawk threw his own shirt at Harry. "Put this on while wash your shirt. The sun will dry it soon."

"And you?" Harry asked confused.

"My skin is used to the sun, and we can stay in the shadows. Or do you plan to go for a run again?" Black Hawk asked teasingly.

'Hmpf' was all Harry said and then he pulled the shirt over his head. He looked uncertainly at his shorts. Was he supposed to pull his jeans over the wet shorts? He decided to just wait and see what Black Hawk would do.

"Lie down for a bit on the fallen tree there. The sun will dry your shorts quickly. I will wash your shirt during that time." Black Hawk answered Harry's unasked question and went over to the river again.

Black Hawk was right. Harry's shorts dried quickly, and when he turned to let his backside dry as well, he saw Black Hawk carrying a big crate over to him. "Let's see what we have in our survival box."

~*~

Harry stared into the campfire that Black Hawk had built up. He still wore Black Hawk's big shirt, and he drew his knees under it to hug them. The happy feeling he had while bathing in the river was gone. The feeling of confusion and hurt was back.

"Stop racking your brain, Harry, and help me cook. Open the can and put the beans in the pot." Black Hawk threw a big can of beans over to Harry.

Harry reluctantly pulled his legs out of the shirt and scurried over to the crate to look for an opener. When he had put the beans into the pot, he gave it to Black Hawk, who had just finished building up a construction to hold the pot over the fire. While the older man was busy heating the food, Harry put on his jeans and shoes and then sat down on the fallen tree close to the fire.

Black Hawk sat down on a trunk opposite of Harry and watched the teen draw back into his own little world again. "Ready to tell me what happened?"

Harry looked up, surprised. Until now, Black Hawk hadn't tried to push him to tell anything, but Harry had expected it nevertheless. Still, he was surprised how directly he was asked. Harry stared into the fire. "Who cares?"

"I do. Otherwise, I wouldn't ask."

"It's your job."

Harry had expected almost anything, but not that Black Hawk would start laughing. Puzzled, he looked at the older man.

"My job? Why do you think this is my job?" Black Hawk asked, amused.

"You are working for Light Arrow. You are one of the advisers of the camp. So it is your job to ask questions like that and come after me when I try to run away."

"Oh, yeah, I earn tons of money for running after distressed teens and asking them questions they don't want to answer." Black Hawk fought against more laughter and just grinned.

"Why are you laughing?" Harry asked, confused.

"I'm sorry, Harry, I just never guessed that you would think that I'm an adviser. Don't let Crying Horse hear that or he will tease me about it all the time. Me, an adviser. That's so crazy." Black Hawk shook his head, still laughing while he poked the fire with a long stick.

Harry was curious now. "What do you mean you aren't an adviser? You work for Light Arrow in the camp. You taught me to take care of Tohiadedi and you spoke with me when I was... difficult."

"Difficult?" Black Hawk snorted. "Oh, come on, Harry. All of the children here are difficult; otherwise they wouldn't be here. I could hardly live at the farm and just ignore you all. I do what I'm good at, and that's horses. I showed you how to take care of Tohiadedi because I'm the best one to do it. Light Arrow is an old man. Don't ever tell him I said that, or I'll have to move the dung heap from one side of the farm to the other for days."

Harry couldn't suppress a grin. It was fun to see that even the adults could get in trouble in this camp. It made him feel less freakish.

"So, yeah, he is old, whether he likes it or not. During my time at the camp as a teenager, he was the one that showed us how to care for our horses, but now he prefers to do other things. He would rather stay close to the main house and do more of the talk-work. You know what I mean, right?"

Harry nodded. Yes, Light Arrow hardly left the house and was always there when one of the kids needed comfort or someone to talk to.

"Rose isn't so keen on working with horses and prefers to go gathering berries." He couldn't suppress a derogative tone at the mention of berry gathering. Seeing Harry's grin, he added, "Yeah, I never explained my little slip then. I hate berry gathering. During my stay as a teenager here, I made some very stupid remarks and wasn't allowed to do any manlike things. I had to spend a whole week with White Cloud gathering berries, braiding baskets and stuff like that." Black Hawk drew a face and fumbled in his boots for his cigarette box. "Not that that stuff is bad... oh damn, yes it is bad. Bad for a man to do it. At least for me. So, if you like it, it's no problem. I mean look at Crying Horse. I bet he loves dancing around with a basket full of berries." He lit his cigarette and drew a deep breath of smoke into his lungs.

Harry grinned. "Now I can't get that picture out of my head."

"Better than dwelling on whatever you were before, right?" Black Hawk asked, raising an eyebrow.

Harry had to laugh. "Severus is much better in this eyebrow raising." Remembering Severus made Harry's face fall, but before he could lose himself in that feeling, a piece of bark hit his face.

"Stop that brooding! So, where were we?" Black Hawk asked.

"We stopped at throwing bark at each other," Harry said and threw the bark back.

"Need a bit of a challenge, eh?" Black Hawk took the bark in his hand again. "Too bad that I'm too hungry to fight, so this has to wait for later." With that, he threw the bark into the fire.

Harry relaxed. He had already made himself ready to jump up and look for a shelter if the Native American would have started a real throwing battle.

"Oh, yeah, so we have crossed Light Arrow and Rose out for the showing-the-horse-care-things list, so we have Sunnyboy and Red Horse left. I mean neither of us can imagine White Cloud to have anything to do with horses, right?"

Harry shook his head. No, White Cloud was more likely to be in the little garden or the house. She seemed to do almost all of the housework alone.

"Okay, Sunnyboy Crying Horse is good with horses, but with all those jokes and grins and laughing you can hardly concentrate on a horse, right?" He didn't wait for a reaction from Harry and just went on. "Red Horse doesn't like much confusion. He prefers to be alone. He feeds the animals, takes care of the building and the yard, and helps White Cloud with her garden. Without him, we would be flat on our backs. Man, that guy can work. He is the first one up and the last to go sleep."

"He is a bit scary," Harry said deep in thoughts, staring in the fire.

"Scary? For me he is more like a big bull calf. Big and full of muscles, but with no clue of what to do with them. He couldn't hurt a fly, Harry. You should see him when one of the horses dies or even one of the cats. He just needs a very long time to trust people and even more time to open up to them. Severus has told you that we have been here before, right?"

"Yes, he told Draco and me that you have been friends and that Red Horse was in the camp before you two and then he came back when Severus had already left."

"Yes, that's right. But that exactly what we are doing at the camp, Harry. We just came back or never left, so now we live there. We are not advisers and we don't get any money. We just do what we think we are good at and try to help, just like we were helped when we were teenagers. Light Arrow tells us things that are important when we interact with you kids, but most of the time we don't think much about it. At least that's what I do. Nobody told me to go after you and nobody told me to care if you will manage to overcome your problems and start a new and satisfying life. It's just what I feel is right to do. I got help at a time when I was in need of it, and now I want to give something back, Harry."

There was the thoughtful and mysterious Black Hawk back, Harry thought while watching the serious expression of the Native American. "But sometimes there is no help for somebody."

"Why?"

Harry looked up again. "What?"

"Why do you think there is no help for you?" Black Hawk asked, looking intensively at Harry.

"Because there is too much that has happened. There will never be a happy life for me again." Harry looked down sadly.

"There is always a way to change things. The question is just 'Are you brave enough to go the stony and hard way, or are you going the easy way'?"

"Going the easy way? You think killing those bastards who killed my friends and did all the awful things to Draco is the easy way?" Harry shouted.

Black Hawk didn't seem to be impressed by the shouting and still sat calmly on the trunk, smoking his cigarette. "Yes, I think so. And I believe that deep inside of you, you already realize that yourself. Going back and killing would mean having to push all the feelings that hurt you at the moment far away, not working on your problems, and leaving behind those that care for you. Maybe you will manage to kill one or even two before someone stops you, but that won't bring your friends back, it will just leave people here that love you back, mourning for you. Draco will ask himself his whole life if he could have done anything to stop you and there will always be a part of him missing. You two are more than friends, Harry, even more than brothers. Have you heard what Light Arrow often calls you two when he is speaking about you two together? He calls you the dinilawi; twins. You have seen very bad things and have experienced great pain and humiliation together, and that has bonded you two together. Draco will never forgive himself for not holding you back. Severus is already breaking by not being able to help you to overcome your anger and pain. What do you think will happen when you take the easy way, Harry? You will let other suffer for it. Yes, I think you would choose an easy way if you leave and go killing out of revenge." Black Hawk threw his cigarette stub in the fire.

"It's hard, Harry, I know. It's hard to feel all the pain and accept it until happier feelings can make them fade. And it's damn hard to let those happy feelings take over because of all the guilt you are feeling. Everyone wants you to be happy again. You are the only one who is preventing you from healing, Harry. You are the one not allowing yourself to be happy again."

Harry drew his knees up and crossed his arms over them to rest his face on them. He didn't want to look at Black Hawk now. He knew the man was right, but it was so damn hard to fight the guilt and pain. It was so much easier to play the martyr and hide behind a mask of cold anger. He felt the older man sit down beside him and, shortly after it, an arm was laid on his shoulder and he was gently drawn against Black Hawk's chest. "You are brave, Harry. You can fight the battle for a happier life."

After a short resistance, Harry buried his face in Black Hawk's chest and cried all the pain out of him; all the long pent-up emotions.

"We are here to help you, Harry. You don't have to go this way alone. You don't have to fight this battle alone." Louder sobs escaped the teen, and Black Hawk tightened his embrace.

"It hurts so much," Harry said between sobs.

"I know, Harry, but it will become better."

Black Hawk held Harry for over ten minutes before Harry slowly pushed out of the embrace. "I still don't want to go back to the camp... right now." Harry looked miserably at Black Hawk.

"Then we will stay here for the night and think about a strategy for how to best go back." Black Hawk smiled at Harry and ruffled his hair. "I even will share my bottle of water with you," Black Hawk said and glanced at the already half empty bottle.

"But won't they be worried when you don't come back?" Harry asked.

"I don't know, but I think Light Arrow will know where we are. He knows everything. Don't ask me how, he just does." Black Hawk leaned over the pot on the fire. "Our meal is ready, Harry. Over there are the survival dishes. Let's eat."

Black Hawk's assumption was proven right when after their midday nap, a red pickup headed in their direction. Harry panicked and wanted to jump up, but Black Hawk laid a hand on his shoulder and shook his head. "Calm down, Harry. We will not go back today. I will keep my promise, but if it is Light Arrow, I want him to have a look at your hand." With that, Black Hawk stood up.

Harry looked at the red pickup and held his breath. The pickup stopped around 50 feet away from them and only when Black Hawk waved him closer did it start to roll forward again. Black Hawk went over to the car when it stopped beside the blue pickup.

Harry hid his face in his arms that were again crossed over his knees, so he didn't see when Light Arrow stepped out of the pickup and spoke with Black Hawk. After a few minutes, Harry could hear the footsteps of two people coming over to him, and he held his breath.

"Will you let me have a look at your hand, Harry?" Light Arrow asked while sitting down beside Harry on the fallen tree.

Harry pulled his hurt hand out under his face and held it in the direction from which Light Arrow's voice had come. He didn't dare to look up.

"I found your backpack," Light Arrow said while unwrapping the bandage.

Harry couldn't say anything. The fear that the old man would convince Black Hawk to bring him back to the camp was too big.

"Not speaking with me, Harry? What did I do?" Light Arrow asked when he had completely unwrapped the bandage.

"I don't want to go back to the camp now," Harry said miserably while still hiding in his own arm.

"I didn't say I would take you with me, did I?" Light Arrow asked calmly.

Harry slightly tilted his head to look at the old man. "Why are you here then?"

Light Arrow eyed Harry closely. "To check and see if you two are all right or if you are in need of anything. I have some water and sleeping bags in the pickup for you two, but this will not be a hiding of undefined length, Harry!"

Harry sadly shook his head and looked down at his knees again. He knew that he couldn't run away from what awaited him in the camp forever. Draco needed to know that he wouldn't leave him, and he needed to apologize to him, but not today; maybe tomorrow.

"Good! Maybe a night out here will help you clear your mind. I will heal the cut now, Harry. It will hurt a bit, but it's more of a sting than real pain. Please don't try to pull your hand back while I heal it, okay?"

Harry nodded. "'Kay."

After Light Arrow had healed Harry's hand, he patted his shoulder and stood up. "We will see you tomorrow in the camp, I hope."

Harry looked up at the old man and nodded sadly. "Ehm... Light Arrow..." Harry didn't know how to ask what he so very much needed to know.

"He is okay, Harry. You scared him a lot, but Severus and Rose calmed him down. He is very worried about you. Can I tell him that you are okay and will come back tomorrow?" Light Arrow asked hopefully.

Harry nodded. "Tomorrow."