~*~

"If you call me Sev one more time, I will take the choice from you because I will kill you."

Black Hawk looked sideways at Severus and immediately met the dark brown eyes of Severus, who was watching him closely.

"But Rose is allowed to call you Sev," Black Hawk said, pretending to be hurt.

"Rose is allowed many things. You should know this by now, but back to your question." Immediately the grin on Black Hawks face vanished. "I don't think it is necessary for you to leave the camp. It's not unmanly or childish that you feel you can't live outside the camp. Every time I come here, I feel so safe and protected that I ask myself why I ever left. The only thing that makes me leave is that I have people somewhere else that I feel responsible of or... or that I love like a family. It's like shifting between two families, you know? You never had another family you wanted to go to. So why is it bad that you want to stay here? Speak with Light Arrow and White Cloud, Black Hawk. Don't do something stupid. If you leave, I want your promise that you will come back," Severus said seriously.

"I need to sleep on it," Black Hawk said, turning away from Severus.

"Good night, brother," Severus said softly.

"Good night, Night Rain," Black Hawk whispered back.

Harry couldn't fall asleep for a long time. Please don't let me lose him, he prayed to an unknown power.

~*~

Harry stood awkwardly in front of Draco's door. Nervously, he chewed at his bottom lip. Early in the morning, Black Hawk, Severus and Harry had gathered all their things because it started to rain. They arrived at the camp so early that only White Cloud and Light Arrow were awake. Black Hawk and Severus immediately fought over who would use the shower first, and Severus had won. Black Hawk said he would visit the horses and that Severus should move his ass because he wanted a shower as soon as possible.

"Go in, Harry," Severus said reassuringly when he passed him on the way to the bathroom. "Draco missed you very much."

Taking one last deep breath, Harry knocked at the door and then went in.

Draco sat on his bed, staring anxiously at the door. When he saw Harry, he jumped out of the bed and hugged him. "You came back. Oh, Harry, you came back."

Harry couldn't describe how relieved he was. He had feared Draco would be mad at him, shout at him or whatever, but he hadn't guessed Draco would react like this.

"Didn't Light Arrow tell you that I would come back today?" Harry asked while hugging Draco back.

"Yes, he did, but I wouldn't believe him until I saw you standing before me. And now you stand before me." Draco beamed at him when he let go. "Thank you, Harry. Thanks for coming back."

"I'm sorry, Draco, for what I said and-"

"Who cares? What's important is that you are here again and..." His smile left his face, and he looked fearfully at Harry. "You won't go away again, will you?"

Harry smiled at his friend. "No, I won't. I will stay and..." Harry sighed. "And I will give it a try here." Seeing Draco's happy expression, Harry lifted a hand. "I don't promise anything besides to try it, okay?"

"That's enough for me," Draco said cheerfully, hugging Harry again.

"I'm glad you aren't mad with me," Harry said, relieved.

"Let's forget it. Tell me what the two of you have done. Light Arrow said you were camping outside." Draco looked curiously at Harry.

Harry laughed and then told Draco about his camping with Black Hawk and that Severus had joined them later. He didn't tell Draco his little secret with Black Hawk or what Severus had told about himself. Harry didn't know if Severus would want him to tell it to Draco.

"That sounds like fun," Draco said, but suddenly became sad again. "Severus told me his secret. He said I'm allowed to speak with you about it. Maybe I can make up for keeping a secret from you with Hermione." Shyly, Draco waited for Harry's reaction.

"If you want to tell me about it, I would be glad, but I realized that it is important that we have other friends and even secrets from each other, Draco. I'm not mad at you for having secrets with Hermione. It was wrong to shout at you for it."

Draco gave Harry a relieved smile. "I'm glad you aren't mad any longer. I spent almost the whole day with Severus and Rose, and in that time Severus told me why he had hurt his hand and that he has other problems. He is working on them with that Doc who was here yesterday."

"Doc Martens, I know, and Severus told me about his problems yesterday as well. I thought I would be shocked, but somehow..." Harry paused and before he could go on, Draco finished the sentence for him.

"It feels good to see he is human and has problems like we have, right?"

Harry smiled. "Yes. Not that I would wish him these problems."

Draco shook his head vehemently. "No, it's horrible, but he says he will fight and work on his problems. Like we will do, right?"

"Right, Draco," Harry said laying a hand on his best friend's shoulder. "We will try to work on them."

_____

During his talk with Draco, Harry almost forgot about his fear that Black Hawk would leave the camp. He was so happy to have Draco back and that they still were friends that he forgot about it. That was until they had almost finished their breakfast and Black Hawk spoke to Light Arrow.

Black Hawk cleared his throat, and when he had the attention of Light Arrow and White Cloud, he said, "I think it's time for me to leave the camp."

Harry's knife fell down on his plate loudly. Severus looked nervously from Black Hawk to Light Arrow and White Cloud.

"Ehm..." Black Hawk stuttered while looking first at Harry's shocked expression before trying to seek help from Severus. Severus' expression made clear that he thought it was not the right time to speak about it, and he even shook his head when Black Hawk looked at him.

"What is this about?" Light Arrow asked seriously, looking back and forth between Black Hawk and Severus.

Not wanting to be in trouble so soon after his own escapade, Severus lowered his eyes. This was Black Hawk's fight, not his.

"Black Hawk?" Light Arrow asked with determination.

"Yeah, ehm... I... I think I should go. It's time, you know. I mean I've been here way too long and..." Seeing Light Arrow's stern expression, Black Hawk stopped speaking.

"You will-" Light Arrow started, but White Cloud laid a calming hand on his arm.

"Wait, Joseph," White Cloud said.

Ugh-oh, she is using his given name. That means trouble. Severus resisted the urge to leave immediately because he wasn't sure if he was allowed to. Opposite from him, he saw Crying Horse fidget in his seat as well, obviously asking himself if he was allowed to leave. Rose looked as if she was about to start crying, and Red Horse just stood up and left. The kids looked nervously around. Their curiosity was killing them. Black Hawk leaving? But that was impossible.

"Crying Horse, why don't you take the kids outside? I'm sure you will find something to occupy yourselves with. Severus and Rose, you should join them." The moment White Cloud had finished, Severus was almost jumping out of his seat to leave. He regretted throwing one last glance at his old friend because the fear in his eyes made him feel so sorry for Black Hawk. Why did the fool have to speak about this at the breakfast table? Sometimes Black Hawk really doesn't know what he is doing.

Rose remained sitting instead. "No, I want to stay. I want to know what he is speaking about," she insisted.

"Yes, us too," Brain said, speaking for the other kids, who frantically nodded in agreement.

Severus and Crying Horse looked at each other shocked. How could they be so stupid?

White Cloud gently smiled at the children, her hand still on Light Arrow's arm. "This is between Black Hawk and us, kids. Please respect this. I know you all are worried and want to know what happened and what will happen." Light Arrow's arm twitched at that last statement, and White Cloud applied a bit more pressure. "We will inform you as soon as we know for sure what will happen, but first we need to speak with Black Hawk alone. Please respect this." With these last words, she looked insistently at Rose.

The kids grumpily stood up and followed Severus and Crying Horse out. Rose still sat in her seat. "He is my brother. You know what happened last time. I won't-"

"Rose, please go. We will speak with Black Hawk." White Cloud still tried to be calm, but she could feel that Light Arrow was starting to lose his patience. He had almost stared a hole into Black Hawk, who was looking down at his hands now. Rose had to leave soon or Black Hawk would feel embarrassed by having the coming conversation in front of her. Obviously Black Hawk had believed that announcing his intentions to leave at the full breakfast table would stop Light Arrow and White Cloud from telling him their thoughts about it all. Sometimes he was still the naive teenager who came into their camp so many years ago.

"No!" Rose shouted. Black Hawk nervously looked up at her. She seldom lost her temper, and he definitely didn't like that he would be getting a tongue lashing from her now. So much for speaking out at the breakfast table. Now I will not only get a tongue lashing from Light Arrow and White Cloud but from Rose as well. Black Hawk wished the ground would open and swallow him. "You will not leave. Do you hear me? What's going on in that thick head of yours? What happened? Oh, wait, does Severus have something to do with this? I swear if he has put that bug in your ear, I-"

It wasn't Black Hawk's frantically shaking head, but Light Arrow's dangerously low voice that made Rose stop. "Stop, right now, Rose. I would prefer if you would go upstairs and not outside. We don't even know what this all is about, and I don't want you to accuse one of your other brothers of having anything to do with this. I can't settle a fight between you and Severus while I'm occupied in here." With that, he stared at Black Hawk, who let his head sink again.

Rose stood up, still angry. "If you leave, Black Hawk, I swear I will find you and drag you back here, where you belong." With that, Rose stormed up the stairs.

White Cloud sighed and slowly released Light Arrow's arm. "Stay calm, Joseph, and let him explain."

"Speak, boy," Light Arrow said sternly.

Black Hawk breathed in deeply. "I'm an adult." He looked up to emphasize this statement, but seeing his 'father's' serious expression, he gulped. "Look, you brought me back here to heal again, and I did, right?" Seeing no reaction from Light Arrow, he sighed and went on. "I'm a man. I should leave and prove that I can live on my own."

"You can't live on your own," Light Arrow said strictly.

Black Hawk looked down disappointedly. "I'm still just a patient for you."

"No, you aren't, and you should know that without me saying it. First, nobody here is a patient, just people who need help. Second, you are my son, and I care for you. You can't live alone. You tried once and nothing has changed, Black Hawk. We have spoken about this several times, and you found out yourself that you don't want to live on your own. You would feel lonely. Has that changed over one night outside with Harry?" Light Arrow asked still sternly but kinder.

"No," Black Hawk said sadly.

"Then tell me why you came up with this stupid idea," Light Arrow instructed.

Black Hawk sighed. "I had a lot of time to think while I was out there with Harry. I mean, I tried to convince him to fight and have another life in which he would become a grown man who can be proud of himself, and I realized that... that I never managed to become a grown man myself. Look at Severus. He can live on his own. He is no longer just a..." He stopped. Saying patient would make Light Arrow angry again. "I mean he... Damn, you know what I mean."

"No, Black Hawk, I have no idea what's going on in your head. Since when do you compare yourself with Severus? What does his life have to do with yours? Severus has a life and friends and even people he calls family in England, you don't have family anywhere else than here. Your friends you can meet in the town whenever you feel the need. You are not a prisoner here," Light Arrow argued.

"But I need to live on my own," Black Hawk said, not very convincing. "Everyone has to live on his own one time."

"You are not everyone. When you have a kitten that has been badly abused and you coddle it up, it will always be bound to you. It will always feel the urge to stay close to the people it felt safe with. But outside, it is still a cat like all the others. It goes hunting, loving-" Black Hawk blushed at that statement. "- and would be able to live on its own, but it still feels much better staying close to the person who cared for it. So is that cat worse than the cats that just live on their own?"

"I'm not a kitten," Black Hawk said, pulling a face.

Light Arrow gave a frustrated groan, but White Cloud smiled gently and laid a calming hand on his shoulder before going over to Black Hawk. She sat down beside Black Hawk and took his hand in hers. "Look at me, Black Hawk." When Black Hawk obeyed, she said, "Do you really think anyone thinks you aren't man enough to live on your own? Do you think you have to prove anything to us?"

Black Hawk lowered his gaze, ashamed.

"No, look at me, Black Hawk! You are man enough to face me while I tell you what I think about your plan to leave the camp." She waited until Black Hawk found the courage to look up again. "Those kids outside adore you, Black Hawk. I really have no idea how you could think anything else. For us, you are a man as well. Without you and Red Horse we couldn't run this camp any longer. We are very proud of how well you take care of the horses and how you have grown into your role as one of our helpers here; not only with the animals but with the kids as well. We need you, Black Hawk." She looked closely at Black Hawk, and after a short pause she said, "If you ever want to leave because you met a nice woman with whom you want to build your own family, we won't object. We would be happy for you, even though we would prefer to have her move into the camp like Crying Horse." She grinned at Black Hawk, and he felt a bit better now that it wasn't all just so tense. "But if you would wish to live somewhere else, we will accept it and just hope that you wouldn't forget us and visit us often. That would be a good reason to move out, but not that you think you have to do it to prove that you are a man. You have been a man for many years now, Black Hawk. Going away and feeling bad again wouldn't prove anything. We all know that you wouldn't feel good living alone, don't we?"

Black Hawk sighed and nodded slightly.

"Then please stay, Black Hawk." White Cloud looked pleadingly at Black Hawk.

Black Hawk didn't know what to say, so he just gulped again.

"If you need to live on your own, you can build another house on the camp. I don't care. I will even help you, but I will not just close my eyes over a stupid decision like leaving. As long as I live, I will have an eye on my kids, and I will drag you back here whenever I feel you can't handle your life alone; man or not," Light Arrow said in his no-nonsense voice. "Like White Cloud said, we need you here, Black Hawk. I can't run the camp without you. If you leave, I would have to look for another person to take over your job, and it would be hard to find someone who would even be half as good as you. Of course I won't hold you back if you really feel that this is the right decision. You are not a prisoner and you are definitely not one of the kids here. I wouldn't have guessed that you saw it like that. With all the respect and adoration the kids show you, I would have never guessed that you thought we don't see you as a grown man. Like I said, you can go, but I promise you that this time I won't wait as long as I did last time to bring you back here. I will not let you fall that deep again," Light Arrow said sternly, but his face showed the hurt he felt by Black Hawk's wish to leave.

"I'm sorry. I just thought... I mean seeing Severus and trying to convince Harry... I just felt I... God, Harry thought I'm an adviser. Me!" Black Hawk laughed insecurely.

"You are one of our advisers, Black Hawk," Light Arrow said, determined. "The moment you started to work with the kids you became one. I really must have been blind to not see what was going on in your head. Maybe I'm getting old." Light Arrow's voice became sadder and sadder with each word he spoke. In the end, he almost looked broken.

"It's not your fault, Light Arrow. I don't know what brought it up. I think I have felt like this for some time, but blocked it. Please stop looking like this," Black Hawk said, feeling bad for making the old man doubt himself. "It was a stupid idea," Black Hawk said and looked down again.

"Yes, it was a stupid idea, and I'm glad you realize that, but I also think it was good that you finally spoke it out and we could discuss it. So what about building your own house here on the camp?" Light Arrow asked.

Black Hawk hemmed and hawed. "I don't know... I..."

"Just try to listen what you heart is telling you. Would you feel better if you didn't have to share a house with the rest of us?" Light Arrow asked and leaned closer to his son to look at him.

Black Hawk didn't lift his head and just shook it.

"Then we are happy to have you still living in our house, and we are honored to have you helping us with the work in the camp, Black Hawk. Maybe I haven't told you this often enough. We would be flat on our backs without your help, boy."

"Thank you." Black Hawk sighed. "Rose will kill me."

White Cloud laughed and stood up to clear the table. She ruffled Black Hawk's hair. "I think you will survive it."

"Hey, I thought we settled that I'm not one of the kids," Black Hawk protested and tried to flatten his hair.

"You are never too old to have your hair ruffled," White Cloud said, chuckling.

"Then why don't you do it with Severus? I would love to see it." Black Hawk grinned at his foster mother.

"I prefer my limbs intact. Severus would bite my hand off if I would try to ruffle his hair, Black Hawk. Therefore, I have you," White Cloud said, as she ruffled Black Hawk's hair again and leaned over to kiss him on his forehead. "I'm glad you'll stay," she said softly before she went over to the sink.

Black Hawk blushed and then looked at Light Arrow. The man was still looking with an odd expression at Black Hawk.

"You are not mad with me, are you?" Black Hawk asked uncomfortably.

"No, I'm just still very surprised." He shook his head to clear it. "Did you speak with Severus about this? What did he say?"

"He said I should do what I feel is the best for me. And now I'm sure that staying is best for me, Light Arrow. It was stupid to even address it."

"No, we always want you to be honest, Black Hawk. If something this severe is bothering you, we want to hear about it, do you understand?" Light Arrow said, becoming his calm and controlled self again.

"Okay," Black Hawk said, relieved. A big burden was lifted from his chest.

"Would you drive into the town for us? We need some things, and it would give you some time to think about what you will say to your sister," Light Arrow said, smirking.

Black Hawk smiled. "Yes, a trip to the town would be great."

_____________

"No, Black Hawk!" Harry screamed and ran after the pick-up.

Black Hawk heard Harry shout even over the loud machine of the old car and stopped the car.

"Don't leave, please!" Harry pleaded breathlessly when he had reached Black Hawk's open car window.

"Calm down, Harry. I'm just driving into the town. Light Arrow will tell you all that I will stay," Black Hawk said calmly. It touched him that Harry wanted him to stay at the camp so desperately.

"You promise?" Harry asked hopefully.

"I promise, little brother," Black Hawk said, smiling, and ruffled Harry's hair. It seems Harry likes to get his hair ruffled, Black Hawk thought cheerfully.

With a relieved smile, Harry watched the car vanish behind the hill.