-II-

Harry sighed again. "I don't think I can do this. I hate to be in dark and cramped rooms."

"We will be there to help you, Harry. I won't lie to you. It will be quite a challenge. The cramped conditions won't be your biggest problem, but the heat. Your first sweat lodge will be quite cold for us others, but for you it will feel almost unbearable, Harry. There are several rounds of being in the lodge. The first round we will let you two sit beside the entrance. That's the coolest place and you will feel less claustrophobic there. After the first cooling outside you will wander one seat deeper into the lodge and so on. We will see how many onpourings you will be able to attend. Normally we have four. Each time a bit hotter. If you won't be able to stay in the lodge, we will not force you, but we want you to try it at least. It can be a very good and helpful experience for you."

"But it will be dark," Harry whispered.

"You can still see the person beside you. The glowing stones give some light. You can choose whom you want to sit beside you. If Draco only will let you and Severus sit beside him, I even have to ask you to move deeper into the lodge at the second time because otherwise someone else have to sit beside Draco when he is scooping one seat deeper into the lodge. It will be okay, Harry. You will get used to it. That isn't something to get ill about, believe me. Severus will be there as well." Light Arrow laid his hand in Harry's neck, gently massaging the stiff muscles.

"Okay," Harry said, a little calmer but still scared. "But if I really can't stay in there, I don't have to, right?"

"Right, Harry. We will not force you when you'll be still too scared after trying it."

Harry let out a breath he wasn't aware of holding.

-II-

"It's me, Severus. Can I come in?" Severus asked through the closed door of Harry's room.

"Wait a minute!" Harry shouted, and he quickly hid the black cat plushy that White Cloud had sewed for him under his bed clothes. "You can come in!"

Severus eyed the blushing boy closely. "What was that about?"

"Nothing," Harry said and held his breath.

"You aren't planning to run away again, are you?" Severus asked seriously.

"No," Harry said rolling his eyes. He couldn't stop himself from looking at the bulge the not-so-small cat was forming under the blanket. It had the form of a medium-sized teddy bear and the head was the biggest part of it. It was made to look cute and not a bit realistic.

This short look was enough for the former spy to realize what Harry had done while he had to wait outside. "I show you mine, you show me yours!"

"What?" Harry asked, puzzled.

"Your plushy," Severus said and gestured to the bulge. "I have one from White Cloud, too. Black Hawk has a bunny," Severus said, grinning.

"You must be kidding," Harry exclaimed.

"No, I swear!" Severus said and lifted his hand to emphasize it. "Wait, I will get mine!"

Severus quickly went to his room and gathered the plushy that sat on his neatly-made bed. On his way back he almost ran into Light Arrow who looked questioningly at him. Realizing that he was holding the plushy in front of him, Severus quickly hid it behind his back.

"If you start to blush now, I will call White Cloud to enjoy this view as well, my boy," Light Arrow teased.

Severus growled and vanished in Harry's room, Light Arrow's chuckles only vanished when Severus finally was able to close the door.

"What's that?" Harry asked and looked bewildered at the thing in Severus' hand. 'Plushy' wouldn't be the right description for it. It was almost just a round ball with big eyes and an evil, wide grin sewed on it with white teeth. The 'ball' had tiny feet and big ears and was totally black besides for the white teeth and the red eyes. "Don't you get nightmares from it?" Harry asked, shocked.

Severus looked at his plushy as if he had no clue what Harry was speaking about.

"I think it's cute," Severus stated.

"You should speak with Doc Martens about that, you know," Harry said teasingly, but still looked a bit shocked at the thing. "Does it have a name? Or better yet, what is it?"

"A Tasmanian devil, and it's name is Tas," Severus said and sat down on Harry's bed.

Harry had to grin. "That's really weird, you know?"

"The plushy or the name?" Severus asked, inwardly he was very proud of himself that he managed to make Harry smile for the first time today. Not even Light Arrow's talk with Harry had made him cheer up. He just wasn't so tense anymore.

"Both," Harry said and chuckled. "And it was really White Cloud who made it?"

"Yes. So how does yours look?" Severus asked curiously.

Harry looked a bit uncertain. "It's not like yours."

Severus' raised and eyebrow. "I can imagine. White Cloud wouldn't sew you are plushy that would give you nightmares."

"But why did she give it to you?"

"Because she knew it was the only one I would have accepted. I thought stuffed animals were something for girls, but my nightmares didn't ease and they believe in things like this. So she sewed something that no girl would like in hope that I would accept it." Severus grinned. "And I did. Shall I tell you something? It really helps."

Harry grinned back, but then became serious again. "But you will laugh. Mine is something a girl would like, I think."

"I have grown out of the age I thought stuffed animals are something for girls, Harry. Like I said, I realized that it really help to have one. And if it helps," Severus said and leaned closer, "Black Hawk's bunny is a really cute teddy-like bunny, and he still shudders when he looks at Tas."

Harry smiled and then drew his cat out from under the blanket.

Severus chuckled when he examined the cat. "Yes, you and Black Hawk really have some similarities. Do you like it? When did you get it?"

"White Cloud gave it to me last night after they..."

"I know, Harry. My nightmares were also hard to fight and it took some time until they became less violent and scary and finally stopped coming frequently," Severus said gently, giving Harry the cat back.

Absent minded, Harry hugged the cat. "They don't seem to stop ever."

"Eventually they will, Harry. It just needs time," Severus drew Harry on his lap gently and started to rock him like Light Arrow had done it so often for him. "Just give yourself some time."

When Harry had calmed down a bit, Severus asked. "Does it have a name?"

Harry looked up at Severus puzzled.

"Your cat, "Severus asked, grinning.

"Ehm... first I thought I would just call it Karim but then I thought it would be weird with the real Karim around. So I named it Cat. Karim tried to stop me when I wanted to run away, did you know?"

"No, I didn't know. He doesn't come to me and tells me about what he is doing all the day," Severus said, amused. "It's a simple cat, you know. Not an animagus."

"I wondered about it, and I also wondered if he and the other pets have a connection to Light Arrow or one of the others," Harry said softly.

"Ah, a spying cat. Good idea, but it would go against everything Light Arrow and White Cloud believe in. To make peace with yourself and become an independent person, you need your privacy. Therefore there are the silence wards on the rooms. The only thing Light Arrow does that is cutting in your privacy is the wards that alert him when something is wrong with you, so he can come and help when you aren't able or don't dare to ask for help. Until this day I haven't found out how it works. I also never found out how they manage to always be fully awaken to help. You don't see any exhaustion on them, not even the day after they spent a night sitting beside you while you were unable to fall asleep again. I tried to find out about those wards and if they have some kind of glamors on them the moment I was allowed a wand when I came back here. Like I said, I was unsuccessful and even got my wand confiscated again when they found out that I cast finite incantatem on them," Severus said, chuckling. He had been twenty back then and he remembered quite well how White Cloud had led him in his room by his ear to give him a grounding after Light Arrow had taken his wand.

"So, you think they really are okay and don't care to spent the nights up?" Harry asked, worried.

"Yes, I'm sure. For some reason they find calmness and satisfaction by helping people like this. It seems that's all they need."

Harry leaned against Severus' chest and listened to his heart beat.

"Will you tell me why you was so concerned all the day?" Severus asked before Harry could drift over into sleep.

Harry sighed. He had hoped it wouldn't come to this discussion. "The sweat lodge."

"The sweat lodge?" Severus asked, puzzled.

"You won't understand," Harry said miserably.

"Give it a try, Harry."

Harry sighed again. "It is dark and small and..."

"And you are scared?" Severus asked softly.

"Yes," Harry admitted.

"It's okay to be scared, Harry, but you will be okay. You are comfortable with all the people in the camp by now and being that close will be okay. The heat can be a problem when you are in it for the first time, but you will get used to it."

"It's like the dungeons," Harry whispered and shivered.

"No, it's not Harry. It is warm and we are all around. You will feel safe, I promise. You won't even feel claustrophobic. I feared that as well. Only the small tunnel you have to crawl through to get into the lodge is a bit strange to get used to but once you are inside you will be surprised how big it is from inside. You will feel safe. We will be there with you," Severus assured the trembling boy in his lap.

"What if not?" Harry asked uncertainly.

"Then you will leave the lodge and nobody will be mad with you, Harry." Severus sighed. "I understand that you are scared, and I'm quite sure Draco would be also scared if Black Hawk wouldn't have been such a sly old fox and started to teach him riding today. You both will be okay."

"I wasn't allowed to ride," Harry said sullenly.

"Oh my, do I hear Jay Lucy speak there?" Severus asked teasingly.

"Jay Lu... hey, I'm not jealous!" Harry protested and hit Severus chest playfully when the man didn't stop laughing.

"Oh, yes, you are, Harry." When he had calmed down, Severus went on more seriously. "Draco had started to adjust to his horse earlier than you. He took care for Unega and bonded with him easier. It was fair to let him ride first and deep down there-" Severus poked Harry's chest, "-you know that I'm right."

Harry groaned and leaned back against Severus' shoulder. "I know, but I also want to ride."

"I know, and I'm sure Black Hawk will teach you how to ride soon. He can't wait to make a trip on the horses with you," Severus said, amused. A few weeks ago Harry didn't want to have to do anything with the camp and now he whined about not being allowed to learn as quick as Draco. It felt so good to see Harry start to adjust in the camp. "Do you have any questions about the sweet lodge? Maybe I can soothe your worries a bit."

"No, Light Arrow already told me about and also about where we have to sit. He said I have to jump two seats because Draco would want to sit beside me," Harry said. Being the stronger of the two was a better feeling than being not as fast as Draco in the horse caring. Yes, Harry realized. I need to be strong in the sweat lodge. So I can show Black Hawk that I'm trying to adjust and to show Draco that I'm there for him. Harry had a mission now and that gave him strength.

"Anything else I can do for you?" Severus asked softly.

"Stay until I fell asleep?" Harry almost whispered.

Severus chuckled. "Okay, but lying down is a better position for falling asleep than sitting." With that said, Severus tucked Harry in, the black cat tightly in Harry's arm.

________

"Draco? Are you still awake?" Severus asked through Draco's door ten minutes after he had tucked Harry in and the boy had fallen asleep.

"Yes," came the diffident reply.

"Can I come in? It's Severus, you know?"

"Yes, come in," Draco stated.

Severus shook his head chuckling when he saw Draco hide something under his pillow. "What is it with you boys hiding things form me today?"

Draco blushed. "I was writing to Hermione."

"Ah, yes, that calls for privacy. If you want to be alone-"

"No, no, please sit down," Draco said eagerly and made room for Severus to sit on his bed.

"How are you, Draco?" Severus asked. It was kind of a routine now. He came into Draco's room each evening to tell him good night and ask him how he was feeling. Normally he was there earlier, but today he had felt that he should visit Harry as well. The other days he didn't do it in hope that Harry would start to bind to other people more easily like this. Harry was the more open of the two boys, and Severus hoped he would befriend with one or more of the boys in the camp or with Black Hawk when he made himself rare. A hint from Light Arrow was everything Severus needed to realize that Harry needed him today and that he should stop avoiding him. Severus was relieved because it stung very much to form the distance between them again after their camping.

"Fine. I rode Unega today," Draco told him, beaming.

Severus grinned about this enthusiasm. "I've heard so, and you were very good."

Draco blushed. "I almost fell down when Black Hawk made me turn around on Unega's back."

"That's a good exercise to find your balance on a horse, Draco. Everyone has problems with it first."

"I felt a bit unsafe. I mean, Black Hawk doesn't use magic like Light Arrow or White Cloud. What if I really would have fallen down?"

"You would have survived it, Draco. The moment you learn to ride Unega in a faster gait, Light Arrow will be there to make sure you aren't falling," Severus assured the blond boy.

"Why aren't you and Black Hawk allowed to use magic?" Draco asked curiously.

"I don't really know. I always believed it is something about power. That Light Arrow wanted to make sure that he is the one who always leads and over powers us, but I know that this is wrong. Maybe he has a little control issue, but he doesn't lust for power. Maybe it makes him uncertain about what happens in the camp and that he won't be fast enough to help when someone hurts himself with a wand. I don't really know. If you want to know for sure you need to ask Light Arrow."

"Harry slipped something when we talked about Black Hawk," Draco said shyly and bit his bottom lip nervously.

Severus looked questioningly at Draco. "What did Harry say about him?"

"That Black Hawk doesn't like magic," Draco stated.

Severus sighed. "I'm not the one to ask about this, Draco. It has to do with Black Hawk's childhood and it should be his decision if you should know it or not. If you want to know it, ask him."

"It's none of my business."

"That again is something only Black Hawk can decide. It's not bad to be interested in the past of others, but it is important to respect if they don't want to speak about it. This applies for all people in the camp and even outside," Severus explained and felt old for giving Draco lectures like this.

"I understand. Maybe I will ask him one day," Draco said thoughtfully.

"Anything else you want to speak about?" Severus asked.

"Is Harry okay? He behaved oddly. Is he mad at me for being allowed to ride?" Draco asked.

Severus smiled. "You seem to ask me only questions about other people's feelings, Draco. You could have asked Harry about that yourself."

Draco sighed. "I know, but I didn't want to disturb him after Light Arrow had taken him to the chickens."

"Draco, you two are like brothers. If you feel like speaking with Harry, you can do it. If he doesn't want to speak, he will tell you and you can try it at another time again. Right now he is sleeping and to answer your question, he is okay and not mad at you. It was something else that bothered him, but know it is cleared and he fell asleep very easily. Satisfied?" Severus avoided Harry's reason for his odd behavior on purpose. Until now, Draco didn't seem to be too worried about the sweat lodge, and Severus hoped it would stay like this. The adults had already discussed if it wouldn't be better for Draco to attend the girls' sweat lodge, even if it would break the rule. It was allowed to use the sweat lodge with mixed genders, but the two sweat lodges in two days would have different meanings. The womens' sweat lodge would be less crowded and Rose would be there to calm Draco, but it was a good-bye sweat lodge and nobody spoke in it because Maya should be able to reflect on her time in the camp quietly. The next problem was that it would be much hotter than the men sweat lodge. In the welcome sweat lodge it was allowed to speak because it soothed the fears of the newcomers and they could be calmed if they panic. In the men sweat lodge were Severus and Harry, the two men Draco trusted the most, but they wouldn't be able to calm him with magic and Draco still didn't trust Light Arrow that much to let him calm him; especially not when he was sitting half naked in the sweat lodge. There were a lot of pro and contras for both variations and in the end they all decided to let Draco decide when it was time.

Draco nodded.

"Good," Severus said and smiled. He cupped Draco's cheek and brushed his thumb over it. "Don't write too long to Miss Granger."

Draco blushed again, but grinned. "Promise!"