-II-

"What is it, Maya?" Light Arrow prodded. "I can only help him when I know what's wrong."

"He acted strange when we spoke about those wandless magic classes. He... He grinned evilly, almost insane, and he was staring into the distance as if he was deep in thoughts while he did it."

"Thanks for telling me, Maya. Would you like to rest as well or do you want to get the branches with Severus and Black Hawk?" Light Arrow asked.

"I would like to go with Black Hawk and Severus," Maya said, still full of energy.

Light Arrow smiled and patted her shoulder. "I'm very proud. You handled the situation very maturely. The boys couldn't have a better partner in this ceremony."

Maya smiled proudly. "Thank you!"

"You are welcome." Light Arrow went over to Black Hawk and Severus and told them to take the red pickup to gather the branches for the sweat lodge. Then he grabbed a water bottle and went over to Harry.

-II-

Light Arrow let the bottle of water fall into Harry's lap and sat down beside him. "Drink and then tell me what made you so angry."

Harry didn't move, just stared stubbornly at a point in the distance.

"As you wish," Light Arrow said and waved his hand. Immediately half of the bottle was empty and Harry held his stomach shocked.

When he had recovered from the first shock, he glared at Light Arrow.

"You can be stubborn as long as you want, I don't care, but you will not risk your health. You were without water for over an hour. I bet you already have quite the headache," Light Arrow guessed.

Harry's expression was all Light Arrow needed for an answer. "Leave me alone!" Harry spat angrily at the old man beside him. He didn't care that he earn curious glances from the other people around the place for this behavior.

"I won't leave, and I'll follow you wherever you go, Harry. Only when you give me a honest answer to my question, I will think about leaving you alone."

Harry stood up frustrated and went in the direction of the house. Angrily he turned abruptly when he heard footsteps right behind him. "I need to go to the loo."

"Then I will accompany you. I already told you about my decision concerning you being alone, and I haven't change my mind yet," Light Arrow said dryly.

Fury came up in Harry, and he really wished he could throw something at the old man. "Go away! I want to be alone. No, I want to go back to England," Harry shouted and threw his hat in the sand. Then he turned again and stormed off.

Light Arrow summoned two water bottled when they passed the house and followed Harry, always just a few feet behind the teenager.

Harry felt tears of frustration whelm up in his eyes. They blurred his sight, but he nevertheless went blindly just out of the camp in the open land like the first time. He hit his head violently when he felt that the hat was placed on his head again. The hat stuck to his head, so Harry couldn't pull it off. That made him even more frustrated. Snot was running from his nose, and he wiped his sleeve so violently over it that it started to bleed. Or did it bleed for another reason? Harry felt dizzy, and he wasn't sure were to go, but he needed to keep going to keep this old insisting man off his neck.

Light Arrow meanwhile pondered about the pros and conts of stopping Harry from his self-harming behavior. It was clear that he would collapse soon. He was physically totally exhausted. If the stubborn teens had listened to him and had only wheeled one wheelbarrow from the beginning they wouldn't be exhausted like this. I should have forced them, but then there would have been no learning effect. Not for Maya and not for the boys. They need to learn and accept that they are not physically well. Both boys suppress it quite well. Stopping Harry now, wouldn't help him emotionally and in his mentally healing, but it would spare him a lot of pain and sickness. Sometimes Light Arrow had to decide for the effect on the long term healing that meant he had to accept that his kids sometimes had to go through more pain for healing. So he decided to let the boy wear himself out. Harry needs to realize his borders.

"Harry, you can still calm down and turn back. We can talk calmly about what is troubling you," Light Arrow tried to reason with Harry.

"No, I don't want to stay at the camp any longer. I want to go back to Hogwarts!" Harry shouted. His head hurt really badly and his nose was still bleeding. Sweat and tears made his eyes burn and his vision became worse. Sometimes he had the feeling the world became black for a moment but then everything was bright again. Like those current fluctuations they sometime had back with the Dursleys. Damn, the Dursleys aren't something I want to think about now. He still felt utterly helpless thinking about them, even so their cruelty had lost intensity after what happened in the dungeons of Malfoy's mansion. No, I don't want to think about that as well, Harry thought desperately and shook his head. That was a bad move, and he felt even more dizzy. A salty taste crept into his mouth. Trying to swallow it away didn't help and the salty taste became more with each gulp.

"Harry, you are making yourself very sick," Light Arrow said behind him.

"I just want to be-" He couldn't go any further because suddenly the ground came closer and he felt his lunch come up again. Strong hands caught him before he could hit the ground. Harry was kneeling with Light Arrow behind him. While Harry heaved heavily, Light Arrow held his head supportively. Harry's body couldn't decide between heaving and sobbing. This odd combination made him even more sick. When Harry just heaved dryly, Light Arrow pulled him backwards against his chest.

"Here, Harry, rinse your mouth and then drink. Even if it come up again, you need the liquid," Light Arrow ordered.

Harry felt too weak to protest, so he did what the old man told him. Light Arrow's arm never let go of his torso even when Harry leaned over to spit all the water out again. The smell was horrible, and Harry was glad when Light Arrow vanished the the vomit the moment he leaned backward against his chest again. What a sight they must have given, sitting in the sand in the middle of the open land.

"I'm a weak loser. That's why they all had to die," Harry whispered miserably and let his head hang.

"You aren't responsible for the death of your friends. The Death Eaters are, Harry. Being weak sometimes isn't something to be ashamed of. You have been badly hurt, your lungs will never work like they did before the Death Eaters captured you. You had sever internal injuries and your body is still healing," Light Arrow explained calmly.

Harry didn't know why, but at the moment it made sense for him. He grabbed for Light Arrow's free hand and didn't let it go. It was like an anchor to reality as if this big, fleshy, weathered hand made everything good again, just by being connected with his hand. It gave so much comfort. "I can't no longer. I just can't!"

"What can you not, Harry?" Light Arrow asked gently.

"Live," Harry whispered slumping totally in the strong arm of the old Native.

"Of course you can, Harry. You are strong enough to go this stony path and you aren't alone. Tell me what triggered this all?" He needed to get Harry out of his depression. Now wasn't the time to speak about the past. Harry wasn't ready for it.

Harry was drawn out of his decompression-filled thought about the dungeons and thought back to the way back from the river. "I... I hate to be like this. Weak and depending on others. She's a girl and she... she... damn!" Harry said and kicked the ground.

"She is what, Harry?"

"A girl!" Harry exclaimed as if this would explain everything.

"Yes, I'm aware of that, but I don't understand what is so frustrating about her being a girl?" Light Arrow prodded.

"Don't mock me!" Harry again kicked the ground frustrated.

"I don't try to, Harry. I just try to understand what you want to tell me," Light Arrow replied calmly as ever.

"She was stronger than Draco and me together," Harry said exhausted.

"She has stayed at the camp for a year. She is used to long walks and physical work. Do you think she was like this when she came here? Nobody starts this with a good condition. Some are responsible for that by themselves other had no choice in it because other people hurt them. Normally we send some of the adults with the newcomers to the river and they just have to make their way back alone, but sometimes we even help them on the way back. You are not the first one who was in a bad condition and couldn't make it alone. It's no shame to ask for help, Harry. Maya was glad helping you two and she doesn't think less of you because she needed to help you. When you talk with the other kids about it you will realize that only a few made it all alone."

"I still hate it," Harry said still frustrated, but much calmer.

Light Arrow sighed. "You make this all so much harder for yourself than it would be necessary." When Harry didn't make any move and just cried calmly, Light Arrow asked, "Do you still plan to run away? I ask because I really need to cool your head a bit more and would like to use one of the water bottles for it."

Harry didn't reply and just stared at the ground.

"Harry, I need an answer from you. Will you go back with me after you calmed down?" Light Arrow asked patiently.

"Yes," Harry whispered almost inaudibly .

"That's good." Light Arrow took Harry's head off and poured the bottle of water over Harry head, neck and chest. Then he waved his hand without saying anything and Harry felt the water stick to his boy and cool even more. Then the hat was back on Harry's head. "This spell only holds for ten minutes. Then we need to go back to the camp, Harry."

Harry still felt very sick. His head hurt unbearably now and he had the feeling he had to throw up again soon. "I still don't feel well," Harry said miserable and leaned sideways against Light Arrow's shoulder. When he felt that the old mean loosened his grip, Harry turned completely to hide his face in Light Arrow's chest. "My head hurts very bad and I think I have to throw up again."

"It's a combination of emotional stress, physical exhaustion and dehydration, Harry. You need to rest and drink a lot."

"I wish I had died in the dungeons," Harry confessed in a whisper into Light Arrow chest. He never had told this openly to someone and the moment the words had left his mouth, he hoped they were soft enough so Light Arrow wouldn't have heard them.

"You are emotional and physical on edge, Harry. We will speak about this when you have a clear mind again. I will bring you back now," Light Arrow said determined. He send his otter Patronus to the main house and hoped Red Horse would come to help him soon.

Harry felt more than saw Light Arrow's hand wave over him and then he was lifted in the old man's arms. "I'm too heavy," Harry protested and tried to wriggle free.

"I put a lightening charm on you. Stop struggling, Harry!" Light Arrow commanded. After a few minutes the red pickup from the camp came in their direction.

Red Horse jumped out and came over to Light Arrow to take Harry of his arms.

"Harry, Red Horse will hold you for a moment." When he felt Harry stiffen, he added, "Just a short moment, so I can get into the car."

Harry felt terrible dizzy. "Everything is spinning," he mumbled while Red Horse took him in his arms. The big man almost fell backwards because he hadn't thought about that Light Arrow had put a lightening spell on Harry. He caught himself before he could stumble.

"Sorry, didn't realize you had a charm on you," he said quickly in his deep, mumbling voice. "Just close you eyes. The dizziness is better to accept that way."

It was odd to hear Red Horse say more than a greeting. His voice was amazingly deep and even though he mumbled, his voice was calming and had a tone of authority. Harry closed his eyes and felt relieved that it really was a bit better this way. He leaned his forehead against Red Horse's bicep and it became even better. After a few more minutes he was placed on Light Arrow's lap on the passenger seat. The slowly rumbling of the car and whatever magic Light Arrow was using on him, made Harry fall asleep before they reached the camp, and he still didn't wake up when Red Horse carried him up in his bed.

Harry didn't even wake up when Doc Martens checked on him and put an IV in his arm to fill him with more liquid.

When Harry finally woke up, it was in the late afternoon. He blinked against the brightness. The first thing he saw was the black dot sitting in the window sill. Harry smiled realizing that Karim was with him. His stuffed cat was purring against his chest. Harry didn't move because the feeling was just too nice after this horrible morning and his talk with Light Arrow. I just hope he didn't hear what I said against his chest, Harry thought worriedly. He still tried to memorize the good feeling of waking up so well rested when his eyes fell on the person laying in front of his door.

"Finally awake?" Black Hawk asked. He was laying on his back on a divan bed crossways in front of the door, blocking the exit. His hat was laying over his face.

"How can you know?" Harry asked looking puzzled at Black Hawks face hidden under the hat.

"You sighed," Black Hawk said and lifted his head from his face.

"Did I?" Harry asked, puzzled, and that was the moment his eyes fell on his arm. "What the hell-"

"Ah, ah, ah, don't touch it!" Black Hawk instructed sternly and was over at the bed in a second. He grabbed Harry's hand which had moved in the direction of the IV that was placed in his arm. "Doc Martens said the bottle needs to be completely empty before it can be removed."

"What's wrong? Doc Martens? Why are you here?" Harry asked, confused.

"What's wrong? Can't you remember?" Black Hawk asked, concerned.

"I remember having a talk with Light Arrow," Harry said, blushing.

"Nice way to put it," Black Hawk said sarcastically and sat down on the bed. "You gained yourself one-to-one counseling of unknown time. That should answer your third question. You are stuck with me from now on until you can convince Light Arrow that you can be allowed to be alone again. Until then we will spend every single minute together, day and night."

Harry looked open mouthed at Black Hawk. Before he could react or say something, the door was opened and the divan bed was pushed aside.

"Already up?" Doc Martens asked cheerfully when he came over to the bed.

Harry just looked still shocked at him.

"What's the matter? Did I interrupt something?" the healer asked, puzzled.

"I just told Harry about his one-to-one counseling," Black Hawk explained and made space for the healer.

"Ah, I see. So Harry how are you feeling?" Doc Martens asked.

Harry got out of his stupor. "Okay. I just have a headache." He tried to fix Black Hawk with an angry look, but the healer didn't let him.

"Let me have a quick check-up!" Doc Martens said and pulled his wand out. After his examination, he gave Harry a potion for his headache and reminded him to drink at least two litres of water a day. "Okay, I will remove the IV now."

Harry was relived when the needle finally was out of his arm. Eventually he realized that his cat was lying on his chest and he tried to push it under the blanket as unobtrusive as possible. The smirk on Doc Martens face was a sign for his successfulness.

"If you feel worse again, let someone call me, Harry. You are much better than a few hours ago. Promise me to not let it come so far again. You made yourself very sick, Harry." The healer looked intensively at him, and Harry squirmed under those eyes.

"I'll try. I was just mad," Harry tried to explain.

"When you are mad, try to let your frustration out in a positive way. Help chopping the wood, ask someone to go running or swimming with you or asked Red Horse to teach you wrestling, but never get yourself so dehydrated again. You and Draco are not used to heat like we have it here, so you easily get sunstroke or dehydrated. You need to watch out for yourself."

Again Harry shot an angry look at Black Hawk, who wasn't impressed by it and just raised his eyebrow.

"Until you have proven that you are totally capable of doing so on your own you will have to stuck with me, Harry. There is no way around. You can glare as long as you want," Black Hawk said matter-of-factly.

Doc Martens was still eyeing Harry strangely. Harry feared he would say something he wouldn't like when he didn't stop his behavior. Maybe he would even suggest putting some kind of monitoring spell on him or so. No, Harry didn't want this, and so he stopped glaring. "I'm sorry."

Doc Martens patted Harry's head. "I will check on you tomorrow!" Shortly after he left Black Hawk and Harry alone.

"What about the sweat lodge. Shouldn't I help Draco? He won't get it ready alone," Harry asked to show that he was willing to work together with Black Hawk.

"Light Arrow canceled your sweat lodge. If the doc gives his okay tomorrow, you two will start to build it. Otherwise we will wait longer. You have just lengthened your stay here for one or more days. Like I told you many days ago, we don't care if it take months or years. It will be exactly the pace you go it."

Harry hated it when Black Hawk was like this. He liked him like a big brother or uncle, but when he was like this he hated him, because it was showing him so clearly that he was not the one in charge here. That other decided over what would happen and how long he had to stay here. So he only could do one thing. Play along with them so that he could leave as soon as possible. Too bad that those people had long experience with children like him and knew very well what was going on in Harry's head.