-II-

"I'll take the shower, you can have the bathtub," Severus said.

"Fine with me," Black Hawk replied and they both vanished into the bathroom.

"So much about asking Black Hawk to show us a snake," Harry said sadly.

"We could try Red Horse. He is even better with animals," Draco stated and was surprised about what they had just witnessed as much as Harry was.

"So it would be okay with you if we went with Red Horse, alone?" Harry asked, confused.

Draco shrugged his shoulders. "I think he is okay. I like him."

Harry grinned. "Me, too. Come on, let's try to find him."

-II-

"Red Horse," Harry called while Draco and he were running over to the horse stable where Red Horse stood. They stopped in their tracks when, suddenly, Light Arrow's head appeared as well. The old man had been inspecting the hoof of a horse, so Harry and Draco hadn't been able to see him before he had straightened up again.

Insecurely, Harry looked from Red Horse to Light Arrow and remembered that people in England weren't so excited about Parseltongues. Maybe they think it is something bad as well, Harry thought worriedly. "Ehm... we thought that maybe you... only when you have time... could show us some... some animals," Harry stuttered.

"Animals?" Red Horse asked, puzzled, as he stood next to the horse.

Light Arrow eyed the boys curiously, and Draco hid behind Harry, biting his bottom lip.

"Yeah, um... animals that live here. Lizards, birds... snakes?" Harry said, trying to sound casual.

"Snakes?" Light Arrow asked fixing Harry with his eyes. "Why do you want to see snakes?"

Harry frantically looked for a good answer, but couldn't find one. Nervously, he shifted from one foot to the other. "We are just interested in the, um, local wildlife."

"There are three species of venomous snakes here, which live in some of the same spots as the non-venomous species; going looking for them can be dangerous," Red Horse said. "But I could show you some lizards behind the barn. We have no time to look for birds. It's only an hour until supper."

"But we wouldn't touch the snakes," Harry whined before he could stop himself.

"No, you just want to speak with them, right?" Light Arrow asked.

"Speak with them?" Red Horse asked and looked with puzzlement from Light Arrow to the shocked looking Harry. "Oh, wait is he a tongue shifter?" Red Horse asked, fascinated.

"No, he isn't. He is a Parseltongue. Only Native Americans can be gifted with being a tongue shifter. You need a very close connection with Mother Earth for it. Harry can just speak with snakes," Light Arrow explained.

Red Horse's excitement, and Light Arrow's relaxed attitude, made Harry relax. They don't seem to think it is something bad, Harry thought, relieved. "I don't know if I still can speak with snakes. Maybe I lost this... this gift," Harry said insecurely. "I tried to understand Draco's snake, but it didn't make any sense to me."

"Draco has a snake?" Red Horse asked, shocked. "Why didn't you allow me-"

Light Arrow shook his head and lifted his hand to stop Red Horse. "No, he hasn't, Red Horse. You know what I think about forcing any living being against it's will to live where it does not wish to. Find a snake that willingly comes to your room and wants to stay there and I will allow you to let it live in your room. Harry, meanwhile, was just speaking about the stuffed animal White Cloud made for Draco."

"Oh," Red Horse stated, disappointed.

"It's a simple charm that creates the noises of the snake and your cat, Harry. It just sounds similar to a snake's hissing and to a cat's purring because White Cloud thinks it is fitting. Black Hawk's rabbit makes rustling sounds like a rabbit snuggling in fresh hay. Severus' Tasmanian devil purrs like a cat. So it doesn't really have to be sounds the real animal would make, but White Cloud often tries to make them sound similar." Light Arrow looked amused that the boys had really thought it would be the hissing of a snake.

"My Komodo dragon makes sounds as if he is sticking his tongue out very often," Red Horse explained.

"You have a lizard as a plushy?" Draco asked and peeked over Harry's shoulder.

"Yeah," Red Horse said and nodded. "A big one!"

"Will you show us?" Draco asked. He really wanted to see another stuffed animal. Severus' was horrible, and he had already seen Harry's. "Or is it like Severus'?"

Red Horse laughed. "No, that would give me nightmares."

"Me, too," Draco mumbled, smiling shyly at Red Horse. "So will you show it to us now?"

"What about the snakes? I would like to see Harry to speak with a snake," Red Horse said curiously.

"It's dangerous."

"But I can control them!" Harry interjected defensively.

"We don't even know if Harry still has the gift." Light Arrow continued as if he had not been interrupted by Harry, whose head hung down. "When you go to look for one, I will join you and have the emergency kit with the antivenom potions with me. Today it is too late for a trip like that. I need to heal Logan's hoof, but you can go with them and show them Mr. Lizard, Red Horse."

Red Horse blushed when Light Arrow called his plushy by the name he had given him. Black Hawk had never given his plushy a name, but Severus had done, and that made Red Horse feel less a freak.

"Oh Merlin, that's huge!" Harry exclaimed when he saw the lifelike Komodo dragon in Red Horse's room a few minutes later.

"It's my totem. I saw him in my first sweat lodge, but I wasn't able to switch into his body then," Red Horse said, petting the lizard dreamily.

Both boys stared at Red Horse, their mouth wide open. "Switch into him? What are you talking about?"

"When you are one with your totem animal, it is as if you are in his body. You will see the world through its eyes when you are in a trance. During my welcome sweat lodge, I only saw him. Big and powerful, he was watching me and his poisonous saliva was dripping from his muzzle. They are dangerous animals. They bite their prey, and then they follow it many miles until the prey gets tired and weaken from infection caused by the bite. With their tail, they can give a person a huge bruise; they are very strong. Mine looks gorgeous. Very powerful, nobody could harm him, so he doesn't have to fear anyone," Red Horse said dreamily.

Harry looked at Red Horse in thought. "And later you were able to switch into his body? You were a lizard?"

"Yes, it felt good. I felt as if I had a very thick shell. I felt safe. Nobody would... nobody could harm me," Red Horse said sadly.

"It must have been great," Draco said and sat down beside the big man. To Harry's, and even his own surprise, he laid a hand on Red Horse's bulgy shoulder. That was the first time Draco had willingly touched a man without prompting since they had escaped the dungeons. Not even with Severus he had taken the initiation for physical contact; it was always Severus who hugged Draco or rubbed his head.

"Yes, it is fantastic," Red Horse said and smiled at Draco. "Maybe you will see your totem as well."

"Do you think my totem is a snake?" Draco asked worriedly. He didn't want to be a snake. They are cold and... naked, Draco thought.

"No, I don't think it will be, but I'm not sure. White Cloud doesn't know what your totems are; not even Light Arrow knows it. Only you can find it out. I got my plushy after the welcome sweat lodge, and I asked White Cloud to make it look like my totem," Red Horse explained.

"Yes, it looks so real. Mine doesn't look real," Harry said.

"Maybe yours looks like Black Hawk's bunny. It does fit you better," Red Horse said, but looked insecure as he did when Harry's mood shifted by this words.

"Why do you think a cute animal suits me more? Do you think I'm weak?" Harry asked bitterly.

Red Horse shook his head vehemently. "That's not what I meant. That's why I don't like to speak with you or anyone else. I never can do something right. You always understand me wrong." Red Horse stood up to flee out of his own room.

"Red Horse, wait," Draco cried out and grabbed Red Horse's hand.

The man looked shocked at the small, white hand that was clutching his shovel-like hand. He feared Draco's hand would break if he moved even an inch.

"Sorry," Draco said and let go of Red Horse's hand. "I didn't want to scare you." Draco looked worriedly at Red Horse. Did Red Horse have to go through something like he had? Maybe he was scared of touches because he also had been raped? Draco felt bad for making the big man look so frightened at his hands. "I'm sorry, but I didn't want you to leave. Harry sometimes says things he doesn't mean. He is just angry and frustrated. Please don't take it personally."

"Ehm... yes, I'm sorry, Red Horse. I overreacted, but you made me mad. I thought you thought that I'm weak. I'm not. I will-" A glare from Draco made him stop. "Just forget what I said."

Red Horse looked strangely at Harry. "I don't think you are weak, and I also think that dropping this hateful and cold mask you draw up so often wouldn't make you weak either. Sometimes it needs more strength and courage to let go and start anew than to remain brooding in the past."

Draco knew that Harry wasn't ready to talk about things like that yet, so he tried to change the topic soon. "Come on, Red Horse. I will show you my snake. You want to see it, right?"

After one last thoughtful look at Harry, Red Horse nodded and followed Draco.

Harry calmed down and ran in his room to gather Cat. They spent the time left until supper in Draco's room, and Red Horse told them more about his experiences in the sweat lodge and totems and what the adults have as their totems. The totems of the children, Red Horse didn't give away and just told the boys that they have to ask each kid to learn about their totems. It was something special he didn't want to ruin. A bit like a guardian angle. The totem is within you and around you. It is watching over you and tries to help you when you let it help you. Red Horse told them that he tries to think about the lizard when he feels afraid or unsure. He would just imagine how it would feel when he is in the lizard's body. How safe it would feel. It often helped him in difficult situations.

By the time they went down for supper, Harry and Draco were both eager to try the sweat lodge. Both were very curious what their totem would be. Red Horse had said that when he was using his magic he could conjure a Patronus that looked like his lizard. Before he came to the camp, his Patronus was very weak, and it was a small songbird. His father had taught him magic, but he always had been too afraid he might do something wrong that he could hardly control his magic. In the reservation school, he had learned to use wandless magic, and Light Arrow had become his mentor for wandless magic.

Harry and Draco even had learned that Black Hawk had refused to go to the magical reservation school. So he had never learned wandless magic like Red Horse. Too bad that Red Horse had caught himself telling them too much before they could sneak information out of him about if Severus had learned wandless magic. He had said that that was something private, and that they would have to ask Severus and Black Hawk about it if they wished to know more about it.

Harry was deep in thought during supper, and Light Arrow had to snap his fingers several times to get Harry back to reality and his attention back to his food. Will I be a snake? If Red Horse wasn't his Patronus, I doubt that I'll be a stag. It would be cool to be a snake. A poisonous snake, or maybe something more dangerous. A big bear or a wolf. Snap! Again the annoying sound Light Arrow always made to get him out of his thoughts. It was frustrating, causing Harry to glare at Light Arrow.

"Stop glaring and eat, Harry. You will need the energy in the sweat lodge," Light Arrow said, unimpressed by Harry's glare.

Annoyed Harry shoveled down his food now and received snickers from Brian and Ken for this behavior. A cuff to the back of their heads by Severus made them stop. "Don't encourage him to behave like a boar."

Harry looked up at Severus and sighed when he saw Severus' stern glare. At a moderate pace, Harry went on with his supper.

Draco was deep in thought as well, but he never lost himself in it like Harry, so he didn't get a scolding from Light Arrow or Severus. What will I be? Something weak? Or maybe a snake? Even though Draco liked snakes, it worried him that he might be a snake. He would feel so vulnerable without limbs to use in defense. No he wanted to be something with fur. Maybe I'm mouse. Oh no, please don't let me be a mouse!But Red Horse isn't something small. He behaves similar to me, so maybe I will be something powerful as well. A small smiled crept onto his face. Yes, it would be so cool to be something powerful.

/

"Fine, before we start. Draco, Harry, nobody will force you to join us. We would be very glad if you would at least try to come with us into the sweat lodge. It would be a great honor for us. You are part of our family now, and the sweat lodge always is a family ceremony. If one family member is missing, it isn't the same; however, we do not want you to feel forced to be there, either. If you feel the need to leave the sweat lodge, please inform us before you bolt out or panic. We would like to try to calm you, and if it doesn't help, we will help you to get out without harming yourself in panic. When you are inside, you will not be able to see anything at first. Your eyes have to adjust to the darkness. The stones glow and give a faint light. The fumes will make breathing difficult sometimes. Don't panic, try to stay calm; it is only for a short time. The welcome sweat lodge isn't as hot as the normal sweat lodges, so you shouldn't feel any pain. If you feel pain, inform me instantly and I will get you out of the sweat lodge. If you feel dizzy, also inform us. It's no shame to react like that during your first sweat lodge." He had looked intensively at Draco and Harry while he said that, but now he turned to the rest of the male family members. "You all know the rules. The welcome sweat lodge isn't strong ceremonially. If Harry and Draco feel the need to talk, they are allowed to do so. The rest of you I ask to be silent as always, unless responding to Harry or Draco. The meaning of each of the rounds are written in the sand over there if someone needs a reminder. Now, undress."

Harry and Draco looked nervously around. White Cloud and Rose had sat down under a big tree close to the gate. They didn't look in their direction, but Harry nevertheless felt ashamed to undress. He wasn't ashamed of his scars - no, they were like signs of courage for him. He was proud of them, but he was a normal sixteen year old boy, and so he was shy to undress so close to women. Harry even threw a short look to the warehouse where they had hidden last night, but he couldn't see anything. Maya and Melissa certainly wouldn't sit there to watch them. A look around showed him that the rest of the camp members were already stripped down to their underwear. Only Draco stood still completely dressed and stiff like a board beside him.

Draco was paralyzed from shock. No, he couldn't undress! They were all around and could look at him, but he really wanted to know what his totem was. He was torn, and he was so deep in his internal battle that he didn't realize that he had started to cry. When he finally felt the wetness on his cheek, he panicked and started to rub his face frantically and stepped backwards.

"Severus," Light Arrow said and gestured the wizard to take care of Draco. "All the kids, into the sweat lodge. We will follow soon. Crying Horse, you can go with them to make sure they behave." If he ever caught Aiden spitting on the glowing stones again, he didn't know if he could control himself. Last time Aiden had to have a sabbatical walk through the open land with Light Arrow until he pleaded the old man to go back and swore that he would never do something that stupid and disrespectful again. Three days they were walking with almost no break, and they only lived on what they found in nature. Two self-refilling bottles were all they had from the camp. Light Arrow hated that kind of magic because he could only create it with a wand. His wand was hidden very well, and if he had it his way, he would never been used again. For Light Arrow it felt like tainted, unreal magic. It was totally different than letting the magic just flow through his body, concentrating it in his fingertips and then letting it go. It was like being one with the magic. A wand was like giving your magic to someone else before it was released. Never trust a dead object. Letting his magic flow through a dead stick was something Light Arrow really disliked.

Light Arrow had discussed it with Professor Karley several times. The vampire had tried to explain to him why Light Arrow wasn't able to perform the refilling spell without a wand. Unfortunately Light Arrow didn't understand the explanation completely. All he couldn't make out of it was that he needed to believe what he was doing, and he has to be convinced about what he did to let it happen without a wand. Something in him was blocking this spell from being performed without a wand. Maybe it was because he thought about water as something living, and he felt as if he is forcing his will on the water when he made a bottle refill itself over and over again. It was like tampering with Mother Nature.

Crying Horse crawled through the small tunnel in the sweat lodge so only Black Hawk, Severus, Light Arrow, Red Horse and the two boys stood outside the sweat lodge. "Come on, Harry, undress. You want to try the sweat lodge don't you?" Black Hawk said and laid his hand on Harry's shoulder.

Harry looked anxiously over to Draco who was clutching Severus' arm like a lifeline. He was sobbing, and Harry feared he would have to go into the sweat lodge alone. Light Arrow was close to Severus and crept closer and closer, as if in slow motion.

"Hey, still with me?" Black Hawk asked cheerfully, ruffling Harry's hair.

"Hmm," Harry said and slowly opened his trousers. His eyes were fixed on Draco.

Draco had stumbled backwards a few feet when Severus caught up with him. "Calm down, Draco. There is nothing to panic about. What's the problem?" Severus asked calmly, one hand on each of Draco's shoulders, trying to ground him.

"I... I don't want to disappoint you, but I... I..." Draco said between sobs, clutching Severus arm. He didn't want to be alone. He really wanted to be part of this family. It felt so good to be part of them.

Light Arrow had reached them and laid a hand on Draco's shoulder, carefully to not startle Draco. "It's okay, Draco. Calm down. Your tears are not anything bad to be ashamed of. We know it is hard for you. Please tell me what's causing this panic?"

"Naked," Draco just croaked.

"Nobody is naked, Draco, and nobody will touch you without your permission. There is nothing sexual about this," Light Arrow explained calmly.

Draco whimpered when Light Arrow spoke the last sentence and pressed himself closer to Severus.

"Draco, look, they are all in now. It's only us adults, Harry and you out here. Inside it is too dark to see anything. Calm down," Severus said softly.

In theory, Draco knew that there wasn't something sexual and that nobody would look at him as if he was a whore. He hated himself for being a whore. It was so horrible what the Death Eaters and my father did to me. They taunted me over and over what a fucking whore I am and that everyone who looks at me would just want to fuck me until I bleed. Draco whimpered when he realized that he had said the last part aloud.

"Look at me, Draco," Severus said sternly and lifted Draco's chin. "Nobody here would think about doing something horrible like that to you. Your father and his friends were sick bastards. Don't let them ruin your whole life. You are no whore, and normal people don't look at you and want to rape you, Draco. You can undress and come with us in there and nobody will hurt you or look at you inappropriately."

"Can I not just leave my clothes on?" Draco pleaded in Light Arrow's direction.

"I can't let you go in there with your clothes. Your skin wouldn't be able to give off enough sweat to cool you. Your clothes would make you overheated and ill, Draco. It's not safe," Light Arrow said, gently squeezing Draco's shoulder.

"I will make sure nobody is touching you, Draco. I will let nobody close to you," Harry, who had come closer, said.

Draco looked at Harry and was surprised to see him already in his boxers. "Can you... can you..." Draco whimpered again and hid against Severus' chest.

Severus stiffened. Even though he wanted to comfort Draco, it felt awkward to be half naked while doing so, especially considering what he was comforting Draco about.

"Do what? Come on, Draco, tell me. I will do anything. It's no problem, just tell me. We both want to try it," Harry said enthusiastically.

Draco turned again to Harry and whispered. "Could you sit with the boys so that they are occupied with you?" Draco stopped shortly, but then groaned. "Oh, no, that sound horrible. I didn't mean it like that. I-"

"I know how you meant it, Draco. Don't worry. It's okay. I will sit with the other boys. Remember they are meant to be silent anyways. You don't need to worry. I will let them look at me and not at you. Okay? I will block their view." Harry smiled at Draco.

Draco nodded faintly, and with a deep breath, he pushed backwards and started to unbutton his trousers. Very shyly, he let his trousers drop and then pulled his shirt over his head.

Severus cupped Draco's cheeks when the boy just stood in his boxers staring ashamed at his feet. "You are very brave, Draco. I'm very proud of you."

Draco's heart made a flip-flop upon hearing Severus say that. Nervously, he bit his bottom lip and looked around. Light Arrow smiled at him, just like Harry and Black Hawk. Red Horse stood close to the entrance, looking unsure. Draco's eyes wandered over the man's body, and he could see several old scars on the sun tanned skin, many scars. When he looked again into Red Horse's face, he saw a shy smile on his face. Draco smiled back.

"Okay, Draco. We need to know whom you want to sit with you when we go into the sweat lodge for the second round. You said you want Harry to sit with the boys. So you need to choose one of us who should sit close to you other than Severus," Light Arrow asked.

"You?" Draco asked shyly.

"It would be my pleasure, Draco. Let's go in then," Light Arrow said and then looked at Harry. "You will be last, Harry. Is that okay with you, or would you prefer to sit one seat deeper in the sweat lodge for not being the last one outside?"

Harry wondered, not for the first time, if the old man could read his mind, and he quickly looked down. Severus chuckled when he passed him and ruffled his hair. "No, he can't read you mind, but it was written all over you face."

Harry glared at Severus and then looked back at Light Arrow. "Will it be very hot to be one seat deeper in the hut?"

"No, it just could be difficult for you if you are feeling claustrophobic," Light Arrow explained.

Harry thought about his cupboard. He had never felt claustrophobic in there, he had felt safe. "I would prefer not to be the last one out here." Again he looked down, ashamed.

"That's nothing to feel ashamed about Harry. It's all right," Light Arrow said softly and laid his hand on Harry's shoulder. "Black Hawk, you will be the last one. I will go in now and let them rearrange correctly. Red Horse, you will follow shortly after, then Severus and Draco. The last two in will be Harry and Black Hawk." When all nodded in agreement, he crouched down to crawl through the tiny tunnel.