1980

Through the dark forest, pressing on against the wind that raged against him, Severus Snape rushed into the castle of Hogwarts, his mind spinning with the news he had just heard. He would not believe it; he could not believe it! This was not supposed to happen! This was…this was too much.

Stalking in from the dreary night, Snape thundered through the halls of his former school, his robes billowing impressively behind him. Tonight they were the wings of dread, the wings that brought ill tidings. Growling, seething, Severus just hoped that the old man he was delivering this news to did not already know what the younger wizard wanted to report. Merlin save the Headmaster if he did know!

Striding up to the gargoyles in his neck-breaking sped, Severus did not slow down his pace. “Lemon sherbet,” he snapped and instantly, the little gargoyles hurried to do the man in black’s bidding. It was at these times, especially at night, that the Potions Master looked nothing short of a vampire.

Climbing the stairs three at a time, the young wizard did not even slow when he came to the door. Slamming the old wooden door open, Severus only stopped once before the Headmaster’s desk. The strangest sense of déjà vu crept into the younger wizard’s mind, but he promptly ignored it in favor of glaring at the Headmaster.

When Albus finally decided to look up, he smiled brightly at the young man. “Severus!” the old man had the audacity to look cheerful! “Care for a lemon drop?” he held out the jar.

“Save it!” the Death Eater snapped. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he went on before the Headmaster could comment on the younger wizard’s rudeness.

“Tell you?” Dumbledore cocked his head to the side. “What do you mean?” blue eyes twinkled.

“Damnit man!” Severus shouted, arms in the air. “Don’t give me that! Why didn’t you tell me that Lily was pregnant? Why didn’t you tell me that she was going to have a baby? When were you planning to tell me that she had a baby?”

“Ah,” the old man sat calmly, his fingers in a steeple. “You found out about that, have you?” What nerve!

“I knew you’d know!” Severus slammed his hands down upon the mahogany desk, disrupting several pieces of parchment and the candies on the desk. “How could you not tell me about this, Albus? How long have you known?”

With a dramatic sigh, the ancient wizard motioned to the chair, indicating Severus to sit. The younger wizard refused, and crossed his arms instead, raising an ominous eyebrow. “I’ve known almost from the very beginning,” Albus responded impassively.

The younger man’s face twisted in disgust. “And you still didn’t tell me?” he hissed like the serpent he was.

Sighing once again, Dumbledore folded his hands neatly on his desk after his offer to sit was once again denied. “Severus, my dear boy, I quite frankly did not think you would care much for reports of Lily and James’s news of everyday life, and I especially did not think you would want to know about their...intimacies.”

That was it! “Damnit you old bastard!” Snape bellowed. “I’m being serious!”

“I am too,” Albus glared at the younger wizard. “And please stop all this pounding around. You’ll break my candy dishes.”

“I don’t care about your fucking candy dishes!” Severus screeched. “I don’t care about James Potter, and I don’t care about what you’ve done this fine bloody day! All I care about is that you kept Lily’s pregnancy and delivery a secret from me!”

Dumbledore frowned as he looked the younger wizard over. Perhaps his memory charm had not been as good as he had previously thought. It was ten months after he had had to split Severus and Lily apart, and still the young man displayed utter devotion for the Gryffindor girl. Was there a possibility that the Slytherin still had some of his memory? No, he had made no outward signs of knowing, and he had not tried to contact Lily at any time. James was constantly with Lily and when he was not, he put up a monitoring charm around their house so he would know when Lily was home or when she went to her sister’s house. No matter, what, the charm would have alerted James if there were any… unwanted people around the young witch.

Supposing that the boy just had an uncommon amount of love for the woman who rejected him years ago, Albus shook his head sadly. “Severus,” he met the devastated black eyes with his own. “What would you have done had you know Mrs. Potter was pregnant?” Severus flinched at the name. “What could you have done for her except make her uncomfortable?”

As though groping for words, Severus stood before the Headmaster, his hands frantically trying to convey what his mind could not. So, he was desperate then, Albus decided. Although the boy might still harbor some feelings for Lily, he could not exactly place why or how. Severus was still adjusting to the shock of the Potter’s wedding, and their announcement of the birth of a son must have been a knife in the back for the boy.

“Severus,” the old man softened his voice, standing up and walking around his large desk. Once he reached the boy, he guided him to a chair. As though oblivious to what he was doing, Severus allowed the old man to seat him.

Once down, Severus leaned forward, letting his hair curtain his face. He always looked so young when he did that… “I just…can’t believe it,” his voice was quiet once more. “I just can’t…I never really thought…”

“I know it must be hard, my dear boy,” Albus felt a sting of guilt. He always did when talking to Lily and Severus. But the prophecy had to be fulfilled! And Severus’s prophecy was directly linked to James and Lily having a child. After all, James’s face was the face the enemy loathed the most for the time being. James was the figure head of the Aurors.

Suddenly, an idea struck the Headmaster. If he was to help Severus get over his loss of Lily, he would first have to help the boy face his losses. Perhaps that would make everything less painful in the end? He did owe it to the boy to try.

“Severus,” the Headmaster said softly. “Would you like to come with me to see the baby?”

Instantly, the younger wizard’s head snapped up, and he stared at the Headmaster in horror. “I…I couldn’t! I can’t! Potter would never let me through the door! Why would I want to go anyway?” he gave Dumbledore a suspicious look.

“To see Lily?”

&&&&&

Walking down the raining street at night along with Albus Dumbledore, was a disguised- and polyjuiced- Severus Snape. He could not quite keep from muttering in anger. Of all the thing that he did not want to do, this took precedence over all others! The very last thing in the world he wanted to do was go into Potter’s house to see the new baby that had just been born. He had argued, threatened, refused, and at last, begged, that Albus not take him, but the crazy Headmaster had won in the end, saying if Severus wanted to see Lily, but not be seen, he should come in disguise instead. The old meddler had also said something about it being good for Severus, or some other such nonsense.

So, Severus was now out and about, looking like an old man with short, graying hair and a strong chin that sported a beard. A million thoughts rushed through the younger wizard’s mind, and none of them were any good.

What if he was found out? What if James kicked him out? What would Lily think? What if he was suddenly summoned? What would the baby look like?

The Potions Master scowled darkly at the last thought. Why did he care what the baby looked like? It probably looked like any other baby; pink, fleshy, smelly, dirty, and slobbery. It was probably semi-retarded knowing it’s father… but then again, it’s mother was very bright. Perhaps the child had a chance…

At last, the two wizards came to the front door of the Potter residence. Dumbledore smiled over at his frowning companion before knocking on the door. They waited for a moment, water dripping off their hat and cowl, before the door opened. It revealed a very tired, disheveled looking James Potter. “Yes?” he asked groggily before he saw Dumbledore. “Albus!” James exclaimed once he realized who was at the door. “Come in, come in!”

Stepping aside, the new father let in the seemingly old wizards. He smiled brilliantly at the Headmaster, before looking at the stern man with him. “Hello there. I don’t think I know you,” James smiled and held out his hand. Severus only looked down at the hand before raising an eyebrow in disgust.

“Oh! Where are my manners?” Dumbledore bubbled. “James, this is an old friend of mine, Vesperus Basai Stone,” Dumbledore smiled happily while Severus fought the urge to groan and roll his eyes. “Stone, this is James Potter.”

Deciding that he had better shake the once rejected hand, least it look suspicious, Severus took James’s hand in his. He did not want to touch James, he really did not want to. But he watched in satisfaction as Potter winced at his vice-like grip. The idiot, on the other hand, tried to smile. “Nice to meet you,” Potter’s voice faltered a bit.

“Where is Lily and the baby?” Dumbledore gushed as he looked around expectantly.

“Oh, she’s feeding Harry in the library, where it’s quiet,” James explained. “Would you two care for some tea? She’ll be done in a little bit.”

Severus shot the Headmaster a look. “Yes, thank you!” the old wizard responded. Groaning inwardly, the spy realized he was in for a long night.

After James ushered them into the kitchen, Severus sat down, looking at everything with distain. Potter’s house was just what the Potions Master had thought it would be like: lush, lavish, and filled with useless, expensive junk. Was this what Lily had wanted? Was she in love with James or the man’s money? That was not his Lily. She would never be so obsessed with material things like a Malfoy.

“So, how long have you two known each other?” James asked, looking from one old wizard to the other. Snape fought down a snort at the question.

“Why, I knew Vesperus since he was eleven! And he’s been a dear friend ever since,” Dumbledore smiled merrily at his surly companion.

“And what do you do, Ves?” James asked the frowning man.

“I did not give you permission to call me a familiar,” Severus’s masked voice was almost as deep as his normal one. But it served its purpose by making Potter jump. “And I don’t think it’s any of your damn business.”

While James looked close to panic, Dumbledore laughed heartily, before intervening. “Oh, he’s in the spying business,” the Headmaster said easily, erupting another scowl from his friend. “He’s my ‘very reliable source’ I always bring up in our Order meetings. I thought it would be nice to get him some social interaction, besides just me and some Death Eaters,” the old man laughed.

The new father sat up a bit straighter and stared at Severus with wide eyes. “Really?” he asked. “Oh, sir!” he exclaimed. “It’s an honor to meet you,” he smiled. “I’ve always wanted to meet the man that risked his neck to bring us the information we have. I can’t believe how much we know because of you! You brought us information from the inner ring!”

Deciding that he did not like being in the spotlight, Severus snorted. Potter had wanted to meet him? Had respected, if not slightly idealized, him? Oh the irony! It very much appealed to the spy’s dark sense of humor in a way. He only wished Potter could know who he was really talking to.

The three of them talked for a bit; or rather, James and Dumbledore did, as Severus just sat listening, still loathing the sight of his peer beside him. He still hated the man. James spoke arrogantly about this and that, of all that he had accomplished, never once mentioning Lily or his new son in his selfish tirade. Severus wanted to stand up and punch the git in the face and walk out, but as much as he wanted to act out his thought, he found himself wanting to see Lily and how she was.

“And when do we get to see the child?” Severus snapped, figuring the sooner they saw the brat the sooner they could leave. He just hoped Dumbledore wouldn’t take a fancy to the babe or they would be here all night!

“Lil’ should be done by now,” Potter said. Severus scowled at the nickname. “Let’s go to the study.”

The three wizards stood up and journeyed to the study. James opened the door, without knocking, and stepped in. Severus came in behind Dumbledore, and froze at the sight that greeted him: In the lavished study, laying perfectly, like some sort of painting, was Lily sleeping; her breast was exposed and the dark haired baby lying on her chest. Emotions that seemed so familiar and yet foreign swirled around within Severus's head and chest, as he watched Lily sleeping with the baby.

“Opps,” James whispered. “Thought she’d at least be descent.”

Enraged at Potter’s unconcern for his own wife’s virtues, Severus could not quite take his eyes away from the scene before him. Unaware of anything else, the spy walked over and stared into Lily’s face. She was more beautiful, even tired, than anything else he had ever seen. She was a vision.

Slowly, Severus pulled the blanket over Lily’s breast, covering her up from others view. Looking down at the child’s face impassively, the Potions Master felt an overwhelming sense of possessiveness take over him. Without really knowing what he was doing, he picked up the baby and held him close.

Peering down into the tiny face, Severus felt a strange spark, one that gave him an overpowering sense of protection, as though he just wanted to take the child and run away. At that moment, the boy’s eyes opened and Severus could not help the look of wonder that passed his face, even as James gasped behind him. The child had bright, sparkling emerald eyes. His mother’s eyes…

As soon as the feeling of wonder and completion had come, it was soon gone, leaving only a bitter throbbing and emptiness that ached awfully. A cold dread settled in the pit of Snape’s stomach, making him feel violently ill, even as the child smiled up at him. Sorrow soon consumed Severus and he did not think he could stand looking at the baby any more.

Gently settling down the new baby, Severus found that although it hurt to look at the boy, he couldn’t take his eyes off him. This baby did not quite look how the Potions Master thought the baby should. The little Potter was actually cute, but he looked…odd. He did not look a lot like Lily, but looked like James not at all. Although the child had dark, black hair, it did not quite look like James’s messy mop. The wizard could see Lily in the small features, but lightly…

Finally tearing his eyes away, feeling as though he had just torn a piece of himself out as well, Severus looked over at the two wizards behind him. “You!” Potter hissed, and the spy only then realized that the potion had worn off.

James charged forward towards his hated rival. But quickly casting a silencing charm over the room, so not to disturb Lily and the baby, Dumbledore grabbed Potter and led him out of the room. Severus followed obediently, closing the door softly behind him. He knew he had overstayed his welcome.

“Now, now,” the Headmaster began.

“What the hell are you doing here, Snivellus?” James demanded. “You sick pervert! You stared at Lily’s breast, didn’t you? You touched her!” Potter looked both disgusted and outraged.

Feeling the insults, Severus stood up to his full height, towering over the smaller man before him, radiating ire. “Do not attempt to scold me, Potter,” he spat. “Who was the one with no grace or decorum that lead two wizards into a room your wife was nursing in without even a knock to see if she was decent? And then did nothing to protect her virtue by making a move to help her cover herself? I did nothing wrong, Potter, and you know it. I did not stare at her in the manner you think,” Severus defended himself. “I was merely doing your job by making sure she was covered and then caring for the child by putting him to bed. He could’ve gotten killed had he been left in your care,” he hissed venomously.

“You’re sick, Snape. Aren’t you supposed to be dead?” Potter sneered.

“Boys, please,” the Headmaster pleaded.

“Well, somethings are not what they seem,” Severus growled, ignoring the older wizard. “I’m not dead you twit, you’re just an arse!”

Pulling out his wand, James pointed it at the other man dangerously. “Get out,” he snarled. “Or I’ll hurt you so bad you’ll wish you were dead.”

Jaw clenched, Severus’s fists were balled tightly, knuckles whitening. For a moment, he had thoughts of retrieving his own wand, but knew it would be foolish. Potter already had his out and it wouldn’t be a fair drawl. So, blinded by rage, the black eyed wizard could have exploded with his anger and started a fight, but instead he put up a calm front, face once again impassive.

With his robes billowing behind him, Severus strode out of the house into the rain. Tears of frustration, anger, regret and bitterness ran down his cheeks. From that day on, Severus Snape did not care if he every saw Harry James Potter again.