Potions and Snitches
Snape and Harry Gen Fanfiction Archive

Daybreak

        Christmas Eve dawned bright and cold, but my insides felt colder. The boys were both in a state of misery, and I was not doing well either, with my inability to change back; it was driving me ever so slowly into a deep state of depression. The boys seemed to be faring no better. I had poked my head into Fred and George's room, which they were both sharing. They had both been in bed much of the day, though Draco, who was always hungry regardless of how he was feeling, went downstairs for food eventually. Harry however, I was worried about. He wouldn't get up, and just stared straight up at the ceiling. I had been unable to stay long with him however, for Molly made sure I came back downstairs, as I had come up to see if she could get him to eat something. She had talked to him gently, but he barely responded. I was surprised that even Ginny was unable to get through to him, for she confessed this to me when she gave me my tea to drink. I had thought Harry might be getting a little better, but that was not the case. In hindsight, I should not have believed this, as depression often does take a little while to fully manifest itself. Everything that was happening worried me greatly, and I felt a gnawing sensation in my stomach every time I thought of what might happen if was never able to turn back.  

      Another dose of Weasley's Wort made me feel much better, physically at least, and so I perked up quite a bit. After another session of trying to turn back to myself with no success, I found that I had the insatiable urge to chew on something, for some odd reason, and so I started on the edge of the ratty blanket I had been lying on. I didn't want to cause too much of a ruckus (especially after the chicken incident), but really could not help myself. Perhaps it was some sort of instinctual thing I had yet to fully understand. It also may have had something to do with me being worried and restless after yet another unsuccessful attempt at changing back, but I could not be sure.  

     "What are you doing?" said Molly wearily, staring down at me. I stopped immediately, though my teeth were saying I shouldn't. "I would say you are feeling better."

     I pulled back my lips and flashed my teeth at her in as cheerful a manner as one can do as a fox. I wanted to show her I was grateful for all of her help.

      "Yes, I'd say you are," she continued, amused. She chattered half to me and half to herself as she continued "Unfortunately, that means you're going to start acting like an animal again. I had better keep you another day or so to make sure you're well enough to face the cold, but you'll be a disaster in the house. Hmm ...... what to do with you? Ah yes, of course."

      Ten minutes later Arthur was herding me into his shed with the help of Molly. I was extremely displeased with this, but didn't growl or bite because I knew that otherwise I wouldn't get to stay at all. The blanket was settled down for me, and Arthur did a spell on the door so they would hear me scratching in the house. They had thought me most clever when they found out I knew how to tell them I wanted to go outside. It pissed me off royally, having to scratch at a door like a dog, but until I had returned to my usual self (which I was starting to lose all hope that I would anytime soon) I had no choice. I huffed when Molly set out a bowl of water for me, and I flopped down onto the blanket ungracefully, for my legs - while better from the Wort - were still shaky and I was tired.

      "There, don't worry, you'll be well in a day or two," she said to me apologetically.

      You don't know the half of it, I thought mutinously as the door to the shed shut behind Molly, locking me in silence.

       It was a boring day for me, and I slept much of it. I gnawed slightly on a bone that Arthur had kindly procured for me, though it did not hold my interest for long.  I was at least happy that the shed was warm. There was a little magical heating device up on the shelf, which I appreciated. Through the little window I could see the snow swirling, and the wind howled and pounded against the thin walls. I sighed in as much of a way a fox can sigh, and I continued to stare out at the cold wall of white.

      I lay, long after Ginny had come to bring me more tea and my supper, pining away for company and to see my boys. I ached to see them, or just to know they were okay. Everything about this was my fault, and my anger and frustration at being stuck as a fox grew and grew, until I wondered if the rushing and roaring of the storm outside wasn't just me hearing what was going on inside of me. It grew later into the night, and after hours of concentrating and trying to hard to change back I just gave up, and I let myself doze.

       While I lay in a daze the storm raged on, and in the shed with the black and white pressing in on me I felt extremely small. As I dozed lightly, I fell into half dreams. I wasn't quite awake, but I wasn't quite asleep either. My mind wandered back to those days when Draco was younger, and used to come visit me when his parents were fighting. My heart ached all the more when before my eyes swam the memories of the time we made "potions" together when he was five. We had gone down to the kitchens in the school and mixed different kinds of juices and fruit pieces in a big bowl to drink. These memories became entwined with those of when Hermione and Harry were de-aged, once again recollections of us sitting and reading together. It was so real to me in my dozy state that I could almost feel warmth from them beside me as they drifted off. I could feel my fingers and toes, slightly cold as they always were, and how they felt as I turned the pages. Warmth filled my insides, and I wondered if it might not be something besides the memories that were causing it.

     Suddenly I was jerked back to reality by a creaking noise the shed gave as the wind battered it. Annoyed that I had been so close to falling asleep, only to have it snatched away from me at the last minute, I put my head back down on my paws. But they weren't paws. They were hands again. I leaped to my feet, surprised when my legs shook badly under me, making me have to grab a workbench covered in muggle plugs that was standing nearby. In a few moments I regained my balance, and was able to walk properly. I didn't think about anything but that door in front of me. I ran forward to it, more energy in me than I had felt in a long time. I drew my bloodstained cloak around me and reached for the cold handle. I couldn't believe my luck, and because of that my hand became frozen upon the knob, my head swimming with thoughts.

     Was it possible I was just dreaming this? That I wanted so badly to be back to my usual self that I had imagined it? I wasn't even sure how I had turned back, though I supposed it had something to do with thinking about the feelings associated with my human form. It was a little bit like when I turned into a fox. Perhaps I had simply been concentrating too hard all of those other times. Maybe my body had to be relaxed for the transformation to occur. These thoughts did nothing but confuse me, so I stopped thinking about that and concentrated on whether or not this was reality. It felt strange to be me again, and seemed every bit as surreal as the moment when I had first become a fox. Perhaps slight disorientation was a part of transformation. I pushed this thought aside while I looked around, trying to ground myself. As the cold crept under the door and chilled my feet in my shoes I felt my sense of reality return. Yes, this was real. It was too cold to be imagined, especially the metal doorknob on my bare hands. I pinched myself for good measure, and I felt pain. Still barely believing what was happening I turned the doorknob and went out into the snow. Immediately a blast of frigid wind met me, threatening to push the door shut on me. I quickly stepped out into the snow, which was wet around my ankles, and made them ache.

     It was a hell of a storm, that was for sure. In the dark of the swirling night I saw a faint light a ways off, shining like a beacon in one of the windows of The Burrow. It danced and moved with every step I took toward it, and though my fingers were getting numb, and my face was freezing cold, I kept moving. With each step I seemed to draw from within me a kind of strength I had seldom felt before. It was like I had a well of fire deep within me, and every so often I could pull the hot flames to the surface, igniting me from the very core and giving me the energy to keep walking through the tumult of the storm. The wind threw itself against me, and rippled my cloak in the places that were not stiff with long dried blood. Yet, amidst all of this, closer the light grew, until I was at the back door of the Burrow. I turned the handle, and thankfully it was unlocked. I stumbled through in a flurry of snow, barely keeping my footing as I was battered by the rushing wind. I forced the door shut behind me and then turned around, and as I did so I heard a gasp. Molly and Arthur were still up, wrapping jumpers and a few other small gifts. I looked at the clock as it struck midnight, and for a few moments we all stood there in dumbstruck silence, the chiming of the clock ringing in our ears. I supposed I probably looked a wreck. My hair was tangled and full of snow, and my cloak and robes, though black, clearly had dark stains where the blood had soaked in while I was being tortured.  My collar was stiff with blood too.

     "Thank heavens!" croaked Molly, hardly able to speak. She rushed forward and hugged me, much to my surprise. Arthur looked apologetically at me when he saw my shocked expression, though he too looked very glad to see me. "The boys will be so relieved ... Harry, I've been so worried about him, he won't get out of bed ..."

      "I know," I said immediately.

      "H-How?" she asked, releasing me and looking up into my eyes in wonder.

      Feeling my face grow hot I told her what happened as quickly as I could, and as briefly as possible so as to avoid prolonging my humiliation.

      "Congratulations," said Arthur unexpectedly. "Becoming an Animagus is no easy feat."

       I nodded, but didn't pay too much attention to his compliment, for I only had thoughts for my boys.

      "You don't suppose ..." I began, though Molly seemed to read my mind.

      "Go wake them right away, they'll want to see you. Go," she said hurriedly. "I don't even care if they make a racket, just don't let them see their presents!" She nodded toward the few jumpers yet to be wrapped. "I made Draco one this year too."

       "I'm sure he'll love it," I said as an afterthought as I rushed to the stairs. I swept up to Fred and George's room easily with little dizziness.  

       When I reached the door I didn't hesitate a second, and I opened it as quietly as possible so as not to alarm them. I closed it softly behind me, and turned to look at the sleeping boys. I didn't know who to go to first, so for a second I stood there, unsure which way to go. Knowing he never really did get a chance to say goodbye to me, I went to Draco first. I rubbed his shoulder with my cold hand and his eyes snapped open. For a second he just stared, looking as though he was afraid to believe it.

      "I'm here, I'm real," I whispered to him, almost unable to believe it myself, and in silence he threw his arms around me.

      "I'm so sorry Dad," he whispered, trying to hold back sobs. "I didn't mean for it all to happen."

     "Dad," I muttered to myself, a little dazedly as he hung onto me tightly.

     He whispered the words to me softly, sounding like he had been waiting to say it to me for a long time. "Lucius was only a father. You're my dad, because dads care."

     "You don't need to explain why," I said to him, and we let go, and simply stared into each others' eyes as though we needed to know the other truly was there.

    "How did you do it?" he asked me, confused. "How did you get out?"

    "I'll wait to explain that once I rouse Mister Coma over there," I said, glancing at Harry, my humour returning to me now that one disaster had been averted.

     "I don't know how he hasn't woken up yet." Draco shook his head, amazed. Then, his expression grew downcast. "Of course, he hasn't really slept since you've been gone."

     "I know," I said sadly, and crept over to Harry's bed and sat down on the edge of it. I had to gently shake him for a little while to get him to wake, for he was in an extremely deep sleep. He opened his eyes, which were a little unfocused. He couldn't quite make out who it was, or perhaps he didn't believe what he was seeing. He groped for his glasses, and I put them into his hand. Harry whipped them on his face, and there really wasn't much sense in that for as soon as he fully realized it was me his eyes filled with tears and he probably couldn't see anyway. He launched himself on me, and my back creaked but I didn't care.

       The only word that was spoken was mine, and it was sorry. Harry just shook his head and hung onto me tighter. I knew he understood why I had left, and now he was just happy I was back. It was a long time before he let go, and then we all sat on one of the beds, our backs against the wall and feet over the side of the mattress, and I told them how it all happened. I told them of my animagus form, and how I couldn't transform back, and how I tried to tell them who I was. We talked late into the night, long past the time that Arthur and Molly had gone to sleep. The boys nearly woke the house when they realized that it had in fact been me chasing Molly's chickens. I had to admit, now it did seem a little funny. It was easier to laugh now. Now that we were together again.

     Late was the hour when we went to sleep. I grabbed a few blankets from the closet and slept on the floor between the two beds. I was glad that we could all be in the same room tonight, and from what I could see Harry and Draco were glad too.

    "Happy Christmas boys," I said as we were drifting off to sleep. They both grinned, and I could tell that they very much agreed with me. Just to be alive with them another day was the best gift I could ever have received.

 

    ***

 

        After Christmas dinner the boys packed up the few things they had brought to the Weasleys in preparation for us to finally return home, which was once more as it used to be, even though I hadn't been given the chance to go back and restore it. While I had yet to go return to the house, I already knew of this kind deed. This was all thanks to the Order, and I had received a little note saying that they had pitched in to clean it up and removed all traces of the incident. It did not have names on it, and was simply signed as The Order, and wished the boys and I a happy Christmas. I was touched by the gesture, for only a few years ago nobody in the Order would have done anything like that for me. It cheered me up immensely, knowing we could go home and not have to worry about the reminders of the catastrophe. Of course, at the moment another slower moving catastrophe was on my mind.

     I felt much better than I had in a while, and the coughing was improving and my dizzy spells less frequent. It was most definitely thanks to the Weasley's Wort, which I talked to Molly about. It seemed  to work when I was human as well.

    "Goodness, I'll dig up a plant for you to take home if it helps," she said, waving a soapy frying pan at me as I helped her clear the table after Christmas dinner. "That plant works wonders, and we have far too many of them growing out there."

     "Nothing has helped yet," I said, barely daring to hope. "But this, this has, even though all of my potions have either failed, or had so temporary of an effect they might as well be disregarded. It could become a possible treatment for Lethifold Syndrome; perhaps it can help others if we show one to the research department in St. Mungos ..."

      "If Weasley's Wort can help, I'd be happy to give them a few to grow more with. They do sprout up fairly quickly," she said to me. "Let me know if you find someone willing to study it."

       I told her I would, and then said goodbye. She apparently had one last thing to say.

     "Severus, could you come over here for a second?" she said. I did, wondering why.

      I cried out in surprise when she walloped me on the head with her oven mitt.

      "Hey, what was that for?" I asked indignantly, backing away before she could swing again, even though it hadn't really hurt much.

      "For chasing my chickens!" she replied before giving in to laughter.

       I couldn't think of an answer, and just stood there sheepishly as the boys piled down the stairs and she went out to dig up a plant.

        By the time we had apparated back I had a flower pot with some Weasley's Wort happily residing within. According to Molly it would grow quite fast, and each cup of tea only required a few leaves. I was dying to do some research to see if there was anything like it in the world, but I had the strangest feeling it was quite rare or even unique, for a great many weird and confusing plants sprouted up in the Weasleys' garden. Molly had wondered aloud to me if the appearance of the plant had anything to do with her knocking over a cauldron of some odd potion Fred and George had hiding behind a stack of boards near the broom shed a number of years ago. She said that it wasn't too much longer after that that she noticed the plant, which spread quite quickly and after five years of it growing, it was now all over. Apparently Molly mistook a plant for peppermint when she had a bad cold, and the rest was history. I didn't know for sure, but would not have been surprised if it really was some sort of accidental creation of the twins. Origins of the plant aside, for the moment, it seemed to be helping. But, however well it appeared to be going, I was afraid to hope. In fact, I refused to let my mind entertain the possibility that this might be the cure. I wasn't that lucky. I was a black fox, and they were hunted by all.

Chapter End Notes:
Well guys, hope you liked it. I really enjoyed writing this chapter, so I hope it shows! So you guys know, my laptop is off being fixed, and right now I am using a finicky old computer that has a tendency to be unreliable. So, on the off chance that an update comes a little late, you know why. I'm pretty sure it will be fine though, but one never knows with this thing. Cheers!

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