When Harry was halfway done with his work hours to pay off the robes, Professor Snape asked him to stay back after class one morning, and told him he wanted to continue the Occlumency classes.

"Yes sir," Harry had told him. He didn't enjoy Occlumency, but he knew the importance of it.

"I believe you were near a crucial point of understanding at the end of the summer. Generally when students of Occlumency reach a certain point, everything falls into place for them and they are able to effectively occlude their mind, and at that point even begin to learn Legilimency."

"I'm going to learn that?"

"That is up to you Potter. It is not something I will be teaching you." Snape looked as though even the thought of it left a bad taste in his mouth, and Harry imagined he was thinking of Harry using it on him or Draco or other people without their knowledge.

"If you are amenable, we will cut your work hours in half and spend the other hours to practice Occlumency. That will extend your working hours until the end of the Christmas break."

"Ok," Harry said. It wasn't like he had anything to do for Christmas anyway. His friends always went home, and now that Sirius was gone, he had no one to convince Dumbledore to let him leave for Christmas.

"Seeing that you will be practicing Occlumency and paying off your debt during the Christmas Holiday, I believe the Headmaster will agree to let you stay instead of returning to your relatives to fulfill the time requirement there for the wards."

Harry looked into dark his eyes, surprised. Had he planned this to keep Harry from going back to Privet Drive?

"Did you have a question Mr. Potter?"

He shook his head with a slight smile. "No sir."

"Good. We will begin Monday evening after dinner. Prepare yourself over the weekend by re-reading notes from the summer course and practicing the methods that you were unable to get to work for you."

"Yes sir."

Hermione was waiting for him in the hall when he came out, and he took her hand so they could walk to the next class together.

"What was that about?"

"He wants to start Occlumency again. I'm supposed to get it down. I didn't manage by the end of the summer."

"I'm glad you're going to learn it. I think it's important." She was serious and Harry was thankful that she understood how important his role was in this war. Then again, the fact that he'd gotten Sirius killed had helped drive the point home for everybody. If Harry's brain was hijacked, people died.

In Transfiguration Professor McGonagall introduced them to a new type of transformation, one that they would be working on mastering until the end of the year. She tried to impress upon them the importance of understanding the rules of the magic and mastering the transfiguration method so they could pass their NEWTs at the end of their seventh year.

"You are in the NEWT Transfiguration class. If you do not master the three forms of Transfiguration we are learning this year, you will be completely lost next year and there will be no hope of passing your NEWTs."

Hermione worried her bottom lip between her teeth as she took notes. Harry wanted to learn the magic, but wasn't as concerned as she was about passing the NEWTs. He only needed an OWL in Transfiguration to get into the auror program, but the more he thought about the program, the more he realized that it wouldn't be the end of the world if he didn't make it in. There were so many different kinds of magic he still wanted to learn and master. Things like Root and magery and controlling lightning. He almost fancied traveling the world after school to learn those things. He could always come back and take the NEWT's again later if he needed to in order to get into the auror program. Ron said adults had to re-take their NEWTs sometimes when changing careers and that there was an entire office at the Ministry dedicated to helping adults pass.

Harry tried to pay attention as McGonagall lectured, but the diagrams she had drawn on the chalkboard looked complicated, and might as well have been an unfamiliar language.

"Mr. McMillan, would you like to try the seventeenth form of transfiguration?"

Ernie looked like he was uncertain about how to do it at all, but he nodded his head and stood up to go to the table at the front of the room. McGonagall had a bowl of water there and he was supposed to transform the water into a shape. Harry's eyes glazed over momentarily as he scanned the instructions on the board again. He wasn't entirely sure he understood making a non-visible container of air to hold his magic in order to shape the water.

Ernie was able to do little more than make the water ripple (and only that because he'd knocked into the table), but McGonagall didn't sigh or even seem disappointed. "I did not expect you to get it on your first try Mr. McMillan," she told him as she sent him back to his seat. "This will take practice and dedication, and I would be surprised if any of you managed before Easter. Would anyone else like to try?"

Hermione didn't raise her hand, which surprised Harry. Another Ravenclaw went up to try, and Harry thought about why she wouldn't volunteer like she always did. He looked at her as she continued to bite her lip. Was she afraid of failing? Maybe it was the fear of failing in public. She was always good at everything she did, and Harry knew she practiced a lot of the magic they were taught before classes so she could go to class already knowing the spells. Maybe this was one thing she just couldn't learn on her own.

"Mr. Potter?"

Harry looked up and realized the class was looking at him.

"Professor?"

Some of the Ravenclaws laughed. Obviously he'd been caught not paying attention. He'd been busy gazing at Hermione who was now turning slightly pink with embarrassment.

"Would you mind coming up here and showing us the proper way to do this? You were concentrating so hard on Miss Granger that you must have channeled her intellect by now."

Harry bowed his head as the students around him laughed and stood up to go to the front. It wasn't the first time he'd been caught day dreaming or not paying attention in his years there. It had happened to Ron and Seamus a lot too, but it was still embarrassing.

Feeling like he would rather not be so embarrassed and would rather lighten the mood, he looked at her and asked with a smile, "Is there something in particular you'd like me to turn it into Professor?"

She raised her brows as more laughter made it's way in a wave around the classroom. Even Ron seemed to be amused.

"Oh by all means Mr. Potter. Impress us." She motioned to the small bowl. "How about a fish?"

Harry put his hand flat on the table as he aimed his wand at the bowl and wished he could abandon his wand altogether to try to use Root. He could actually feel life coming from the water, though he wasn't sure what it was. Maybe it was just germs or microbes or something. He remembered learning in primary that there were germs on everything.

What if he used Root while using his wand? He wasn't sure if that was possible. Part of Root was the fighting style of shooting off spells while sensing the life around you to dodge, but the part of Root that Harry was fascinated with was feeling the energy of life all around him and using that to change things, like making roots grow or dirt turn into mud.

"Any time Mr. Potter," McGonagall said, and Harry was brought out of his thoughts by another round of laughter.

He stared into the water and thought about fish and the way they swam. He wondered what their life force felt like and decided to try to figure it out down at the lake at some point. As he thought about the fish he aimed his wand at it and said the incantation. He was surprised when the water started to rise up out of the bowl. His hand was still flat on the table and he could feel the energy of whatever was in the water changing, as though it were vibrating at a speed it wasn't used to.

There was a gasp from several people in the room, but Harry wasn't paying attention. He was spinning his wand like McGonagall had lectured them about twenty minutes ago, and trying to get the energy in the water to want to be a fish. It wasn't working. Maybe the energy just wanted to be itself, he thought, irritated that it wasn't doing what he wanted. Ok, so be yourself, he said, trying to force that thought down through his wand arm and through the wand. A moment later the water melded not into a fish, but into a blob with a familiar shape. The blob split into two of the shape, and then into four, and then into eight, each replica of the water shape growing smaller as it divided.

"What are you making Mr. Potter?"

"I think it's the germs in the water," Harry said. He lowered his wand and the water splashed unceremoniously all over the table and Harry and McGonagall's shoes. Very little of it ended up back in the bowl.

"See me after class," she told him, and he wondered if he was in trouble as he sat down.

"Germs?" Ron asked from behind him when he was seated.

He shrugged. "The water wanted to be itself. I just let it be."

When class ended twenty minutes later and the students had filed out to go to lunch, Harry stood up and began packing his own bag. Ron and Hermione were waiting to hear what McGonagall had to say.

"What you did was interesting," she said. "Were you trying to form it into a fish?"

"Yes," Harry said. "But it didn't want to be a fish."

"Please explain."

"I could feel the energy in the water... the living things. I didn't know what was in there to make it have energy like that, but when I made it rise and told it to be a fish, the energy vibrated and I got the feeling it didn't want to do what I said. So I told it to be itself and that's what it did."

"You are aware that the water is not sentient?"

He nodded. Maybe she thought he was crazy. "I think the germs formed the water. It was their energy not mine. Like when I can make vines grow."

"I was unaware you possessed this type of knowledge or awareness."

"I was learning Root at Gemini."

"Yes, I am aware of the practice, though I was never very skilled at it. What you did with the water was not transfiguration though. It was something else entirely. Root as I am aware of it is being aware of the energy in all things, and the stored magic in non living things. How did you come to be aware of the actual living organisms in the water? That must have taken a great deal of concentration."

"I think it might be the meditation."

"Oh?"

"The teacher said that having the mind in order helps magic flow better. When I left we were working on being aware of what's in the outside world while meditating. That might have something to do with it."

"Whatever it was Mr. Potter, I'm impressed with your new-found skills. You will still have to practice and learn this form of transfiguration however, as you'll be asked to form the water into various things on the NEWT exams."

"Yes maam."

Hermione was pleased that Harry had done something so exciting and complicated with his magic as they walked to lunch, Ron trailing quietly behind.

"I'm proud of you Harry. I don't have a clue what it was you did though. I'm going to have to go to the library to check out books to read about it. I wonder if the Headmaster can do what you did."

Harry didn't see the scowl etched deep in Ron's face as he followed them to lunch.

* * *

The sun was making a last attempt at warming up the grounds as fall tried to turn leaves to glorious colors. It was Monday morning and Charms had been canceled because Professor Flitwick had come down with the wizarding influenza. That left Harry, Ron, and Hermione with a free period followed by another free period, followed by study hall. Hermione couldn't fathom spending so much time during a school day just doing nothing however, so she went to the library to study. Harry didn't want to be confined to the castle if he didn't have to be however, so he went out to the grounds with Ron.

"Fall's my favorite time of year," Harry said. "I like the colors of the leaves and the smell of a little fireplace smoke in the air."

Ron grunted in response.

"Do you want to go flying?"

"No."

"We could practice Keeping. I'm not much good with a Quaffle but I bet I could get it through the rings at least once."

"I don't need to practice Harry," Ron snapped, and Harry looked over at him with his brows raised. They'd practiced together last year before Harry's broom had been confiscated by Umbridge.

"What do you want to do then?"

Ron looked a little deflated after his outburst and said in an irritated way, "Just walk to the lake. Maybe the squid is out."

They altered course and began walking down towards the lake. When they got to the treeline, Harry reveled in the oranges, reds, and yellows of the tree leaves. There was a cool breeze blowing through and making some of them fall, and also ruffling their hair.

"This is nice," Harry said, but when he looked at Ron, his friend didn't look like he agreed.

"Maybe we can drag Hermione and Ginny out here later," Harry said, just trying to make conversation. "Draco'd probably like to come too."

"Great," Ron muttered. "Why don't I just stay in the tower by myself then."

"I thought we talked about this," Harry said. "Draco's just-"

"You know what Harry, why don't you just cut the crap? Huh?" Ron threw his hand down in anger as though that gesture alone would stop it. Harry wasn't sure what he was talking about though.

"What-"

"Oh yeah," Ron said in a mocking and angry tone. "Harry smoothed it over, no ruffled feathers, so everything's ok now. Just peachy. So Ron can just suck it up and be a man, right? Just forget that the hero of Hogwarts swept in and swept my girlfriend right off her feet? Forget that he replaced me with a Slytherin? Hm? That what you want Harry? Want me to just forget about everything like nothing happened at all?"

"Come on Ron, you know that's not fair." His response only seemed to make Ron angrier though.

In a high mocking voice, Ron tried to imitate Hermione and did a poor job of it. "Oh Harry you're so wonderful! Your magic is just exquisite! I've never seen anything like it before! Well you know what? I can't take it anymore!" He was huffing and out of breath. Harry's heart was up in his throat. He hated fighting with Ron, but he'd never seen him this mad.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm done Harry."

"Just like that? We're not friends anymore?"

"We stopped being friends the moment you took her from me! This is the last you'll see of me."

"Oh yeah?" Harry was starting to get angry now. It wasn't like he'd planned any of this. In fact he'd gone out of his way to try to not hurt either of his friends. It wasn't fair that he'd been caught in the middle. "Well maybe we were never friends in the first place if you're going to act like this!"

"What? Can't stand someone telling you the truth? You talk about loyalty and house traits, but you're not loyal. You don't even belong in Gryffindor. You don't belong anywhere!" Ron spat the last out and Harry felt stung. He felt like lashing out at his friend, his brother, because they were no longer friends or brothers and to him that meant that Ron's words rung true: he didn't have a place where he belonged because Ron was always the one who made him feel like he belonged at Hogwarts. So Harry lashed out, hands shaking as he said the words that he'd never dreamed of saying before.

"She picked me because I'm better than you. I can't help that."

Ron lunged at him and took Harry down to the ground, hitting him in the face. Harry forgot about shielding his face like he usually did, feeling more hurt than he'd ever felt before, and swung wildly at Ron's face, making contact. They rolled in the mud beside the lake for long moments before they both scrambled to their feet and lunged at each other again. Ron hit him in the stomach and Harry put his hand up over Ron's face, trying to keep him from seeing where he was hitting. Ron pushed his hand away and they grabbed each others arms. Ron was strong though and forced Harry backwards into the water. He hit Harry in the face again and Harry tried to push Ron over, but Ron gave him a forceful shove in return and hit Harry in the face harder than he had before. Harry fell backwards into the water, stunned, and went under. His mouth filled with lake water which mixed with the bitter blood that was already there. He struggled to get to the surface even though he was only in a few feet of water, but he was dizzy and seeing double and as soon as he broke the surface and gasped for air, he went down again, arms flailing. He struggled to get his head above the water again and caught a glimpse of Ron standing ten feet away and looking angry, face bloody. Harry thought he had his footing and was wondering if Ron would push him back into the water, when something grabbed his ankle under the surface and pulled him under. Surprised, Harry screamed and the air went out of his lungs under the water. Whatever had him dragged him away, and he was totally helpless without air. His wand was somewhere back on the shore, and his mind was too clouded to try to think the bubble head charm or do anything with Root, even if he did know how to use it in the water.

Harry felt like he was under the water forever, and felt confused. Was he back at Privet Drive? Was he shackled to the bottom of the tub? That had never happened before. There was a commotion somewhere nearby, but his vision had gone dark and he couldn't see anything anymore. He couldn't hear anything either. There was just nothing.

Harry came to several minutes later as someone struggled to drag him to the shore, trying to carry him under the arms from behind him. Harry coughed and choked on water and his own bile for a minute before being able to spit some of it out just before someone dropped him heavily on the shore, feet just out of the water. Harry looked up, confused. It was Ron, soaking wet and looking concerned and scared.

Harry coughed violently again and choked up more water. Ron slapped him on the back hard and Harry gave him a look that clearly said he was as scared and shocked as he was.

"What?"

"Grindylow," Ron said, and Harry noted that he was shaking slightly as he stood in front of him, hands on his knees, dripping water everywhere.

Harry frowned, trying to remember what had happened. They'd been fighting and then Harry had been struggling to break the surface. Then something had dragged him away and under the water.

"I thought you were going to let me drown," Harry said seriously. He realized he was also shaking.

"I couldn't do that. I love you Harry. You're my brother. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've never hit anyone before, ever."

"Me either."

Ron fell back onto his hind end in the mud and hung his head, too ashamed to look up again at his friend who had clearly just had a close call with death. Grindylows killed children every year, and Harry had almost been one of them.

"What are we doing Harry?" His voice sounded uncertain and pained.

"I don't know."

"I feel- I feel all wrong. Like everything's wrong with me and I can't do anything right." He ran his hand through the sopping strands of orange hair. "And you, you went off to school and changed. You came back wiser, older, able to do advanced magic. I'm still just Ron. I'm not worth anything, and I hate that. I lost her because of me Harry. I don't have anything to offer her or anyone else."

Breathing hard Harry closed his eyes and shook his head, trying to clear his vision. He was having trouble getting in a full breath and wondered how much water he'd breathed in while he was under. His brain felt fuzzy from the lack of oxygen, and he felt like he had to think twice as hard to say what he wanted to. "I- I'm just the same as I was. I'm never changing who I am. You don't have to worry about that."

"You say that, but we both know it's not true. And then I let you down. I'm such a bad friend that you thought I wouldn't even save you when you were drowning."

"That's to do with me," Harry said, not wanting to explain further than that. He didn't trust anybody most of the time, but especially when it came to water. Ron was one of the few he did trust. "I'd bet my life on you. You're my brother no matter how hard you hit me." He looked over at Ron then and said, "Damn you hit hard." He gulped for air again and Ron gave him a worried look.

"Come on, you need Madam Pomfrey. Unless you plan on telling the water to transform out of your lungs." Ron picked up both of the fallen wands and then helped Harry to stand up, and held his elbow as they made their way up out of the trees to the open castle grounds. Harry was unsteady on his feet because he was still feeling lightheaded.

"You were right," Harry told Ron halfway up to the castle. "We can't keep doing this."

"I understand if you don't want to be my friend after I hit you."

"No- I mean, we can't keep going on like we are. We've got to find a way to set this aside or it's going to tear us apart. I admire you Ron. You have no idea how much I look up to you for the way you act and the relationships you have."

Ron gave a nervous laugh then and Harry wasn't sure if it was because he was wheezing or not. "That's funny because I've always admired you for your bravery and leadership."

"I don't want to be a leader," Harry said. "I only do it because I have to. Part of why I like being your friend so much is because you like to take the lead, and when you're there it doesn't all fall on me."

Ron seemed both surprised and bolstered by that admission, and they were quiet until they got into the castle and to the Hospital Wing. Just outside Harry pushed Ron's hand off of his elbow.

"You're not hurt bad are you?" he asked, and Ron shook his head. He had a split lip and dried blood coming out of his nose. He probably had bruises up and down his arms and chest to go with them too, but that was the worst of it.

"Go on then. There's no use in both of us getting in trouble for fighting and getting points taken."

"Are you sure?"

"Just, clean yourself up," Harry said. "I think Ginny keeps a supply of minor healing potions in her dorm." So long as no one stopped Ron on the way to the tower to question why his shirt was ripped and he was covered in dried mud and why his hair was a mess, then things might work out.

Ron waited until Harry went in the doors and then stared at the solid doors for long moments. Harry really admired him? He liked to follow his lead? He was a friend worth holding onto, and Ron felt ashamed of how he'd acted. He turned and went back to the dorms. He'd lost Hermione, he didn't want to lose Harry too.

Madam Pomfrey did not believe that Harry had simply fallen into the lake by himself. Not with his split lip, black eye, and the fractured cheekbone.

"Did Mr. Malfoy do this?" she asked seriously. Everyone knew he and Harry were friends now, but she clearly believed they'd had a row.

"No."

"I believe that like I believe in Santa Clause Mr. Potter."

He gave her a look. She'd given him potions and used a spell to remove the water from his lungs.

"I want to know who you've been fighting with so I can treat them if they need it."

"It was a grindylow," Harry said, and she gave him a stern look.

Harry wasn't sure how he escaped the Hospital Wing an hour later without losing points or getting detention, though he reminded himself that that could still happen. Maybe she'd let him off easy because he looked tired and defeated.

Harry did not have a pass from Pomfrey to skip his last two classes of the day, so he sat through Defense and Divination next to Ron (who had showered and changed and didn't look too terrible). After their last class Harry asked, "Did you get into Ginny's Potions?"

"She thought I was starkers for breaking into her dorm room and rifling through her trunk. Luckily she was the only one in there. She scolded me and then covered me in bruise balm and sent me on my way. She said I was lucky she wasn't Percy or she'd write home to mum."

"Did you tell her what happened?"

"No, but she's gonna figure it out when she sees you at dinner in a few minutes."

"I'm not going to dinner. I'm going to study for a few minutes before I have to go to Occlumency. Tonight's the first night."

Ron sighed and gave a look at Harry's still split lip and black eye. The bruise on his eye was turning lighter from the bruise balm Pomfrey had applied, but what she had used must not have been as strong as what Ginny had.

"I'll save something back from dinner for you."

They paused in the Entrance Hall and stared at each other. "I'm sorry," Ron said.

"Me too," Harry told him, and then they parted ways as Ron went in to eat and endure glares from Hermione, who had already figured out that he'd fought with Harry, and Harry went down the stairs to the Dungeons.

Severus eyed Harry's face warily half an hour later as Harry knocked on the doorframe of his open office door and came in. He didn't comment though, for which Harry was grateful.

"You have reviewed the notes and practiced?"

Harry nodded and looked up from his seat in the visitor's chair expectantly. He wasn't dreading Occlumency like he used to, but he wasn't exactly looking forward to it either. He had tried to meditate and clear his mind since leaving Ron in the Entrance Hall, but he couldn't manage. When Ron had hit him, it hurt more than he wanted to admit to himself. He was used to people that hated him trying to thrash him, but when his best friend did it, it was worse. He couldn't forget the look of hate and anger in his friend's blue eyes either. For a few moments, Harry was certain Ron had wanted to kill him. And then he'd hit him hard and shoved him back into the water, and Harry was sure he'd let him drown.

Snape didn't comment on the troubled look Harry had. Instead he said, "Are you ready?"

Harry nodded, and in moments felt Snape enter his mind. He tried to throw up several of the shields he'd been told to practice, but each of them failed and the first memory Severus saw was the freshest, rawest memory Harry had. Ron was screaming words at him on the lakeshore that stung him like bees, they were throwing punches, Harry was stunned as he fell back into the water, vision blurry, something was grabbing him and dragging him under, and then Ron was dragging him onto land again as Harry was coughing up water.

"I thought you told Madam Pomfrey that you fell into the lake," Snape said impassively as he withdrew from Harry's mind.

Harry looked down at his hands. Obviously Snape must have spoken to her at dinner. The rest of the staff probably knew by now too that he'd had some sort of row.

"I can see that you are going to be useless at occluding your mind tonight," Severus told him. "Return tomorrow evening instead." He went to sit behind his desk again, and Harry looked up. No scathing remarks about how useless Harry was in a fist fight? No threats of detention or put downs for not being able to get a shield up? Harry wanted to ask him why he wasn't mad, but Snape was already grading student papers behind his desk again, as he had been when Harry had come in five minutes before.

"Ok," Harry said quietly, and he stood up and left, feeling confused.

He really just wanted to go back to the dorms and crawl into bed, but Hermione intercepted him in the Entrance Hall and they began to walk up through the castle together.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah."

"I know you were fighting with Ron."

"He told you?"

"No. I saw the bruises. You look a lot worse than he does."

"He hits harder," Harry said with a shrug. She looked angry on his behalf then and Harry stopped and turned to her, putting his hands on the sides of her shoulders. "It's fine."

"It's not fine! I can't believe he did that to you!"

"He didn't do anything to me. We fought together. And he saved my life from a grindylow in the lake."

"It sure looks like he did something to you."

Harry sighed. "You don't know how bad he feels. You can't understand because he hasn't told us until he told me today."

"It doesn't matter how bad he feels. There's no excuse for fighting." She seemed upset and unwilling to listen.

"You said you see me for me Hermione, and I believe you. You don't know how much that means to me, to have someone who knows who I really am, because no one else does. But there's something you should know."

"What?"

"Ron sees you for you."

"Don't say that Harry. You see who I really am. Ron's just- Ron."

"I like to think I do, but Ron saw you first. I'm not trying to be barbaric sounding. I mean that he was the first to see who you really are. He was the first to notice you, to make an effort to be the person you wanted him to be. You don't see it now, but he's still trying to be the best for you. He worked all summer so he could go to Gemini so he could live up to your intellectual standards. In the dorm, he reads books from the library so he can keep up with you when you're talking about things, and he's always been there for me just like he's always been there for you. I can't guarantee that I always will be."

She looked at him and he could tell she was feeling ashamed about having hurt Ron, but he hadn't intended for her to feel that way. "I don't want him to be hurt, but I have to think about me Harry, and what I feel."

"I don't say these things to make you feel bad Hermione. I will do everything I can to be who you need me to be. But I know I'm not good enough to be the man you want. Not like Ron is. There's a price on my head, and someday I'm going to have to face that. And when I go against Voldemort, I have to do everything I can to stop him. If that means I won't come back to you, then that's what it means. I can't help that. It's what was written for me before I was even born. Ron... he'll always be there for you. He will always make sure he comes back to you at the end of the day. I don't know if I have love like that."

"Sacrifice is the greatest love of all, isn't it?"

Harry looked at her seriously. "People say that, but it's hard to remember that when my parents are gone, and I have no one. Then all there is is loneliness, emptiness... and I can't feel the love from my parents at all. I just- you have to remember that."

"You're a better person than you think you are Harry. You're too humble for your own good sometimes."

"I'm just realistic. I have to be. When you have no one, you have to be."

"You have me," she told him. "You won't lose me." He wanted to believe her, but knew he couldn't. Ron had lost her and she had probably said the same to him. One way or the other, through Voldemort, or her coming to her senses and realizing that he wasn't who she thought he was, or that Ron was better, he would lose her. All he could do was enjoy the peace he felt with her while he could.