Potions and Snitches
Snape and Harry Gen Fanfiction Archive

La Verite
Harry was confused. He was under a soft warm blanket and he could hear Adeline talking in the background, but she was talking in French. She never spoke in French, or at least not to him anyway. And if he was in the infirmary building at Gemini, shouldn't he be under one of those scratchy gray blankets?

He wanted to open his eyes, he really did, but it was a struggle. His mind felt sharp and clear aside from his questions about where he was, but his commands to his body to open his eyes were going unanswered. It was like he was in a dream and telling his body to do something like run from Uncle Vernon, but none of his muscles were obeying him. Open. Open. OPEN OPEN OPEN! His eyes snapped open and he gulped down greedy breaths, as if realizing for the first time that he hadn't been breathing because all of his efforts had been going to opening his eyes.

"Adeline."

Harry frowned at the voice as he looked to his right to find Snape sitting in a chair beside his bed. Adeline appeared from his left and he was interested to see that she was wearing some sort of healer's uniform, though it looked different than the one Madam Pomfrey usually wore.

"You're awake," she said as though she was pleased to see him. Maybe pleased wasn't the word Harry was looking for. It was relieved.

Harry looked around the room. It looked sort of like Beauxbatons, but how had he gotten here? Had he gotten injured on the tour? Suddenly his mind didn't feel as focused as when he first awoke.

"Do you know where you are Harry?" she asked.

He let his eyes come back around to meet hers again. "Beauxbatons?"

"Do you know how you got here?" Snape asked and Harry turned to him. There was no edge to the man's voice like there usually was. He was being very quiet.

"Erm-"

Snape's eyes found Adeline's and they shared a worried look.

"What is the last thing you do remember?" Snape asked.

"I-" he had to really stop and think about it. Had he been at Gemini, or on tour of the schools? It seemed likely since he had memories of classrooms at Boden. But he remembered being in the water with August too. They were in the crevasse, weren't they? But it wasn't water at the ocean, it was a river.

He looked at Adeline for help but she didn't say anything.

"I don't know," Harry said finally. "I remember water. And Professor August."

"You were at Boden when Voldemort attacked. August brought you here and Adeline contacted me at Hogwarts to retrieve you."

Harry frowned. "He attacked while we were on tour?"

"He attacked while you were there taking classes," Snape said, and he seemed irritated but Harry wasn't sure why other than the fact that he was always irritated with him.

"Classes? Why was I there taking classes?" Harry asked.

The two professors shared a look again.

"That is the question isn't it Potter," Snape said, sitting back in his chair. He looked like he'd been there all night, but Harry wasn't sure why he'd sit in a chair at his bedside for any length of time.

"I don't remember."

Snape shifted in his chair slightly and then said, "When Voldemort attacked Hogwarts, the Headmaster sent you to the village by Portkey, where you encountered someone who informed you about Draco's... true parentage. From there-"

"Wait- Hogwarts was attacked?" Harry interrupted, trying to sit up but finding he was weak and unable to do so.

Snape only glared at him for his interruption and continued with his story. "You apparated to Boden, where Alvar August and his family took you in, and you apparently began to attend classes as a student. You decided to correspond with Draco but not tell him where you were. He informed me that you were alive but would not say where or show me the letters. Voldemort attacked-"

"Khar," Harry said quietly, everything coming flooding back to him. "And then Boden." He had apparated into the lake on accident when trying to get to Beauxbatons. Harry looked down at his arm and was surprised to see bandages wrapped tightly around it. "What happened to my arm?"

"You were splinched," Adeline said. "You lost a lot of skin. We couldn't retrieve it so you've been taking potions to grow it back."

Harry reached up and rubbed a hand across his face hard and then through his hair. He wished he hadn't remembered. He'd run again. He should have stayed.

"Who died at Khar?"

"No one you know," Snape said.

"What happened at Boden?"

"The Muggle village nearby was destroyed. The school was left mostly untouched, but the students and staff have not returned to it."

"Where are they going to have school then?"

"At Hogwarts, Beauxbatons and Durmstrang." Snape just stared at him. It seemed like it was old news to him, though it surprised Harry.

"The school disbanded?" His voice was dry and cracked as he spoke.

"Yes."

This was all because of him. He should have just gone on the run by himself and not involved Boden or Axle or his family. He could have gone to Grimmuald Place but he didn't want to go there alone. Not after Sirius. "Where's Professor August?" he asked quietly.

"He left last night to find his family. He stayed with you until I came."

Harry stared at Snape and then asked for confirmation, "You came to take me back to Hogwarts?"

"You can't be moved by magical means until your arm heals or the damage will become permanent since it was gained from magical transport. It will be a few days."

Adeline scanned Harry's arm, gave him a potion, and then smiled at him gently before moving off through a door, leaving Harry and Snape alone.

"Why Boden Potter?"

Harry stared at the wall opposite the foot of his bed. "Don't know." He could have gone to a lot of places but Boden was where he'd ended up. He'd thought about it enough to know why he hadn't gone back to Hogwarts though. It was more than just fighting Voldemort; it was facing Snape. Yet here Snape was anyhow. Draco must not have told him about he and Harry if he wouldn't show Snape the letters. Maybe he'd taken what Harry had said to heart, that Harry wanted to see his face when he found out. Well Harry had changed his mind. He was face to face with the man now, and he didn't want to see his face. He didn't want him to know at all. And Harry didn't want to go back to Hogwarts with him either. He wished August had taken Harry with him to find Axle instead. Harry wasn't happy staying with them but he didn't care. It was better than going with Snape. Harry felt exhausted just from his emotions flip-flopping back and forth. He knew he shouldn't involve Axle any more than he had or put him in any more danger, but he would rather go with August than with Snape.

"You've been gone for three weeks and you don't know?" Harry sensed the rising irritation in Snape's voice.

"Why did you buy back my Firebolt?" Harry asked suddenly instead of answering the question.

Snape stared at him.

"You bought it back from Draco. Why?"

"So you wouldn't mope about it all year and complain about having to use school brooms. You shouldn't have another reason at your disposal for people to feel like you're a martyr."

Harry rolled over to end the conversation and Snape stood up with an irritated huff.

"I told you it was dark magic to divide your time while apparating. It was a foolish thing to try. You almost drowned."

"It'll happen sooner or later," Harry said to himself. He didn't know Snape had heard as he exited the Medical Ward.

* * *

Under normal circumstances (if there ever was such a thing), Harry would have been happy to see Adeline again and to talk to her. Adeline ran the medical ward at Beauxbatons differently than Madam Pomfrey ran the Hospital Wing at Hogwarts. There were students who helped Adeline and it looked like she taught a small class every morning and every afternoon. Adeline kept the students away from Harry's end of the ward but between those two classes she spent her time by Harry's side. He supposed he was glad that she was there because when she was there Snape seemed to stay out of the Hospital Ward, (probably because he was frustrated with Harry's lack of answers and unresponsiveness to his continued questions), but Harry didn't feel like talking to Adeline either.

"Would you like me to read to you?" she asked.

Harry looked over at her but didn't say anything.

"What shall I read then?"

Harry sighed. "Don't know," he said. What he really wanted was just to be left alone. In a few days Snape would drag him back to Hogwarts and he'd have to face Dumbledore and his friends and more questions he didn't want to answer. Occlumency would start up again because Dumbledore would make him continue, and then Snape would find out everything that Harry knew. Everything that Narcissa had told him.

"There must be something you like to read?" she said. "I can just read a healing textbook but that would be dry, wouldn't it?"

Harry shrugged.

"Come on Harry," she said with a sincere look.

Harry pushed himself up to a sitting position but it was a struggle. He'd been awake for a few days now but his arm still burned and the muscles in his injured arm were weak. "Professor Snape said the Boden students and teachers went to other schools."

"Yes. Over half of their students and staff are here. I heard many also went to Hogwarts and a few to Durmstrang."

"What about the students from Khar?"

"They are trying to rebuild. They don't learn the same kind of magic that is taught in Europe."

"Do you know if Gan is ok? And the others from Gemini?"

"As a matter of fact, they are doing well."

"Did many people die there?"

"Only one. Their headmaster," she said sadly. "He held off Voldemort until the students and staff could get away. As I understand it Gan is now filling the Headmaster's position until the school is rebuilt."

"It's my fault," Harry said. "If I'd just stayed at Hogwarts, Voldemort wouldn't have gone looking for me at other schools."

"You can't think like that Harry. There's more at work in the world than just the role you play."

"As he well knows," came Snape's irritated voice from the door to the Hospital Ward. Harry immediately closed his mouth and his gaze went blank. He didn't see the stern look Adeline shot at Snape or the way he looked contrite a moment later.

Adeline got up and crossed the ward. She said something in low tones to Snape but Harry couldn't hear what, and then she left. It was a few moments before Snape walked over and took the now vacant seat beside Harry's bed.

After a few moments Snape said, "Tell me Potter, what would possess you to tell Draco the truth and put his life and mine in danger?"

"He deserved to know the truth," Harry said without looking over at him. His stomach was squirming. He had put Draco's life in danger, and that had been stupid. There was nothing new there. Just another mistake to add to the long list of ones he'd already made.

"And you came to this hairbrained decision how?"

Harry wanted to flinch at his tone. "Narcissa wouldn't have told me if she didn't want him to know."

"You spoke to Narcissa in Hogsmeade?"

Harry was done talking though and after several minutes of silence Snape rose, frustrated again and walked to a nearby window to look out. He came back and sat in the chair a few minutes later but Harry was pretending to be asleep. Snape wasn't buying it.

"Adeline says you will be well enough to travel tomorrow. We will return to Hogwarts tomorrow after lunch."

Harry opened his eyes and stared at Snape. "I'm not going back."

"You believe you have a say?"

Feeling defiant then Harry shot out with, "You're not my father. You can't tell me what to do." Harry had a morbid curiosity about how Snape would respond. He wondered if Narcissa was wrong and Snape knew that he was Harry's father. If he did know, he might be angry enough to tell Harry, and then Harry would know the truth. He had known for all these years and he didn't want anything to do with Harry because Harry wasn't worth his time or attention.

Severus didn't lash back at Harry though. Instead he stared at Harry and Harry turned away so he didn't have to see the look of pity on the man's face. Maybe he didn't know, and Harry would make sure it stayed that way.

"You've been wallowing for four days Potter. From what Professor August said before he left, you moped for three weeks at Boden as well. That ends today. Tomorrow you will return to Hogwarts and resume classes like every other 6th year."

"No," Harry said quietly, and stared at the wall across from his bed. He wasn't going anywhere. He couldn't go back to Boden though because it had disbanded, Durmstrang wouldn't take him, and he wasn't certain he'd be allowed to stay at Beauxbatons.

"Why Boden?" Snape asked, repeating his question from days earlier. When Harry didn't answer, Snape switched to another question, one he hadn't asked several times already. "What is it about the water that you're afraid of?"

Harry's eyes did slide over to meet Snape's briefly, but he looked down at his hands again. He wanted to go to sleep and forget that his father was sitting there by his bedside. He hadn't slept much since he'd woken to find himself at Beauxbatons despite that he was tired.

"You take a death defying leap into a watery abyss to save someone who hates you, but panic when you accidentally apparate into a lake instead of onto dry land." Harry could tell that Snape was trying to rile him into answering, but he wasn't going to do it. "And you're certain you'll drown," Snape said. "You must want to kill yourself with your recklessness. Adeline was right." No she wasn't, Harry thought to himself, but Snape couldn't hear his thoughts and kept going. "That's why you jumped into the water with a man that hated you, and didn't try to swim to the surface when you apparated into the lake." When Harry didn't show any sign that he was going to start answering the man's questions, Snape suddenly stood up and grabbed Harry's arm.

"What are you doing?" Harry asked as Snape pulled him out of bed and towards the door leading out of the Hospital Ward. He looked around wildly for Adeline but remembered that she'd left twenty minutes ago.

"To get answers." Harry didn't have the energy to fight him as he dragged him down through the school to the first floor and then out the front doors. Students stopped and stared as they passed but no one said or did anything to stop the dark haired man from dragging Harry out onto the chilly grounds in the early evening.

"You said we couldn't go back to Hogwarts until tomorrow," Harry said. Snape still had a tight grip on his wrist but Harry was too tired to put up a fight.

"We're not going to Hogwarts," Snape said, "we're going to the lake."

"The- why?" Harry pulled against his grip but Snape wasn't letting go, and before Harry knew it they were at the edge of the lake.

"You can perform the bubblehead charm underwater if you want, but you won't do it. You're content to let yourself drown in front of me at Gemini, or in front of August here, and you probably would have let yourself drown if Draco had not gone in to save you after you threw yourself off a cliff."

"That's crazy!" Harry shouted. "I never tried to kill myself!" He worried that the Potions Master had finally lost his mind.

"So I brought you down here to finish it Potter. No one else to see. Get into the lake and be done with it."

Harry's throat tightened then and he had trouble getting words out. "What?" He looked around but there was no one else out on the grounds aside from them.

"In Potter! I'm not going to bother trying to save your hide anymore if you're content to let yourself drown or try to do yourself harm at every turn!"

Harry didn't move, feeling like he was frozen to the spot as he stared into Snape's eyes. Snape reached forward and grabbed Harry's shoulders and tried to bodily throw him into the lake. Harry struggled with him for a moment but was too weak from his injury and lack of sleep, and after only a moment Snape had pushed him back far enough that his bare feet made it into the icy water.

Harry's chest tightened and he began gasping for breath. His legs buckled and though he held onto the sleeves of Snape's shirt for dear life, his eyes went glassy. Snape wasn't in front of him anymore, and the tub at Privet Drive wasn't filled with cement. The water was cold and so was Dudley's laugh as Vernon held Harry under the water fully clothed. He couldn't breath.

"Potter." He heard Snape calling his name, but it seemed strange, as though he could feel the man's mind brushing against his rather than hear him physically calling his name.

Harry didn't answer because he couldn't. There was no air to speak with, only water.

"Harry." The name came to his ears this time and the blurry vision of his uncle and cousin above him faded and Snape's pale face came into focus in front of him. They were on the crisp grass and Harry was shivering on his knees. Snape was holding his shoulders.

"Breath Harry."

Harry shook his head. He wasn't under water, but he couldn't. He felt Snape brush against his mind again and felt comforted somehow. He didn't know why, but his chest didn't feel as tight, and he sucked in greedy gulps of air.

"You do not want to hurt yourself." Snape looked sorry and haunted at the same time and it unsettled Harry. He'd never seen the man look like he was either. "And I was wrong to try to force you into the water at Gemini, and here."

Harry continued to shake instead of responding and Snape sighed. "I can help you tuck the memories away, but you have to trust me."

Harry shook his head, still not trusting himself to speak.

"I have seen what they have done to you," Snape said to him. "And I know about the injuries you sustained at home from the records at Gemini. There is no need to hide those things."

"I can't," Harry said, teeth chattering.

Severus eyed him critically. "You have other secrets you do not wish me to see."

"I can't," Harry repeated.

"Let me help you."

Harry stared into his eyes and in that moment he really wanted Snape's help. He wanted the memories to be tucked away like he always had, but didn't know if he was willing to pay the price of Snape knowing everything. There would be no going back if he found out.

When Harry didn't tell him no, Severus lifted the boy up under the arms and helped him back across the lawns and into the school. Harry felt weaker than he had before they'd left the Hospital Ward, and let his bed in the Ward swallow him whole when Snape deposited him back in it less than half an hour after he'd been dragged out of it.

"Will you trust me to help you?" Severus asked, taking his seat beside Harry's bed once more.

"I-"

"There can be no secrets," Severus said. "It would destroy you."

"Just- just do it," Harry said, trying to keep his hands from shaking. He didn't see that he had a choice. He'd never be able to defeat Voldemort with his mind the jumbled mess that it was. If defeating Voldemort was his one and only purpose in life, then he supposed he'd have to face the truth to make it happen. Voldemort would win if Harry kept running away from him. Then it wouldn't matter what Harry's secrets were.

Harry closed his eyes and braced himself but after a few moments his fearful mind felt the comforting presence of Snape's mind there beside it. Harry didn't try to pull any memories away since that wasn't the point. The first memory that floated to the surface was that of meeting Narcissa in the alley.

"I will not turn you over to the Dark Lord. Draco would never forgive me, and neither would Severus when he finds out the truth about you."
"About me?"
"He knows he has one son... he does not realize he has two."

Harry could feel Snape rolling the information around in his own mind, trying to make sense of it. He could feel the man's confusion, followed by his hurt, and then finally his acceptance. Harry couldn't hear his exact thoughts, but it was as though the presence of Snape's mind had realized he couldn't dwell on that memory because that wasn't his mission at present.

A storm of memories surrounding water came rushing into the space their two minds occupied then and Harry could feel Snape examining each memory before gently ushering the memories to the edges of Harry's mind. The memories dimmed. Harry could tell they were still there, but the more memories that were pushed to the side, the more calm the storm of memories felt. There were only three involving the tub at Privet Drive, but the many others Harry had were all linked to those. It was as if the memories were sticky and they all stuck together. Harry in the lake during the Tri-Wizard tournament, fighting with his panic to continue with the task and not turn back. Harry and Draco in the sea, Harry psyching himself up to get in the water at Gemini to try the bubblehead charm because he knew Snape wouldn't let up about it. Something grabbing Harry's ankle and dragging him away from the fight he'd been having with his best friend. Harry refusing to go to August in the crevasse because he was certain August would drown him. There were twenty five memories in all, and when the last was tucked away, another storm of sticky memories came in to fill the space up. These involved his uncle, his cousin and his cousin's friends, the cupboard under the stairs and his aunt. Harry felt no judgements coming from Snape as he tucked those memories away. When those memories were dimmed, Harry gave him new memories to take care of, and new memories after that. It was two hours before they were done, and Snape pulled himself out of his son's mind.

Harry was asleep and Severus stared at him in awe. It seemed like more memories than one person could bare. More things to deal with than he thought anyone capable. The guilt and self-doubt Harry fought with on a daily basis, the fear and uncertainty, and the knowledge that he was alone. Always alone. Severus didn't even know what to feel for him because he was emotionally exhausted himself after sifting through the boy's memories as he had. Severus stood up and went to the bed next to Harry's and laid down. He was tired, but didn't want to leave Harry alone. He didn't cover himself in the hospital blankets but Adeline did when she came through the Ward an hour later to check on Harry and found both he and Severus sleeping.

When Severus woke in the morning and looked around the Ward, Harry was nowhere to be seen. He and Adeline searched the school and grounds for him, but Severus knew they wouldn't find him. He knew Harry had gone. Harry felt like he had no one to fall back on, so there was no reason for him to wait for his father to wake and take him back to Hogwarts. No reason to try to face down the turmoil of his emotions surrounding subjects like suddenly finding out he had a father; a father who had always treated him unfairly.

"Where will you search for him?" Adeline asked as Severus prepared to return to Hogwarts.

"Nowhere," he said quietly.

"But he's just a boy. He's all alone."

He looked at her and wondered if he looked as exhausted as he felt. "He doesn't want to be found. He'll remain alone until he decides to let someone in."

"But Severus-"

"There's nothing more to do but wait Adeline." He gathered his traveling cloak and then left the Ward. He wasn't sure what to tell Albus when he returned to the school, but he'd have to figure something out.

When Severus apparated just outside the Hogwarts gates ten minutes later, he half hoped he'd find Harry there waiting for him, or waiting inside the castle, but he knew he wouldn't be. He was right.


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