Today was one of those days where Harry was feeling particularly taxed and overworked. Snape had been trying to teach him dueling spells he already knew and had him trying to hex him on the training field without words and without his wand. Harry thought it sounded a lot like root to do it this way if he was supposed to channel pure energy from his hands to throw at Snape, but Snape hadn't agreed. In the end Harry hadn't thrown anything at him, but felt completely spent before his other classes had even begun that day.

After Occlumency, Harry moved to the front of the room and sat facing Snape for their tutoring session and Snape informed him that it was going to be all out today since Harry really hadn't made any progress up to this point by going slowly. He had a feeling the man was growing irritated with him, just like the last time he'd tried to learn occlumency last year. He hoped the outcome would be different this time.

The Potion's Master hadn't been kidding, Harry thought, when he said he wasn't holding anything back. Before Harry could really prepare himself (and at the same time he was trying to assess his feelings in the instant like Gan had told him to) Snape was in his mind and tossing memories around like a tornado. Harry wondered if he was looking for something in particular when he stopped on the image of a baby whale leaping up into the air about to stomp on Harry's foot. NO! Acting on pure instinct, as if he were yanking an injured part of himself away from the man, he yanked the memory away and it was gone. He could feel him trying to pull it back, but every time the image started to materialize, and Harry's feelings about the incident with it, Harry yanked it away. Finally Snape left his mind and they were left staring at each other.

"What was that?"

"None of your business," Harry said, feeling a little snarky.

"No, I mean, what did you do with the memory?"

"I pulled it back."

"Back where?"

Harry stared at him. What did he mean where?

"I don't know... just, away."

"Away from me?"

"I guess."

"That is not one of the techniques discussed in the text."

"But it worked."

"It would appear so, for the time."

Harry continued to stare at him and Snape stood up and began gathering his books and notes. It must be time to leave already.

"Because it worked this time, does not mean it always will. You clearly had a strong emotion attached to that memory, so you acted on instinct. This will not always be the case. The dark lord may be browsing through memories that you are not emotionally attached to, yet which may still reveal key details of your life or the Order's plans. You must try to use the other more sound strategies, and they must become like an instinct to you."

Without even looking at him, Snape took his books and walked out of the room. That was it, Harry thought. He'd finally blocked him from seeing a memory and all he got was, 'Ok but not good enough?' Feeling irritated he went about his day and was still irritated by the time he found Gan around seven o'clock sitting at the base of Harry's favorite tree. The sun was just starting to come down out of the sky and Harry yanked his shoes and socks off and plopped down into the dirt between the roots.

"Have they done something to you?"

Harry looked at Gan. "Teacher?"

"Your shoes and socks. Have they done something to you?"

"No..." he paused. Oh, I guess I am a little irritated, he thought. Gan had given him an entire list of words describing emotions and had told Harry to try identifiying every single thing he felt throughout the day.

"I'm sorry teacher," he said, "I'm irritated."

"Your shoes and I can see that. Perhpas now is a good time for you to meditate on that."

Harry sighed and looked out over the ocean and the birds swooping down low over it, searching for fish. The breeze gently tousled his hair and he didn't close his eyes. He didn't want to. He wanted to stare out at the sea and forget about his day, not think about it. What was Snape's problem anyhow? He was hard to get along with at his best, but couldn't the man find some other way to teach Harry Magery than just telling him to do something? Couldn't he give him examples or show him what to do? And what about in Occlumency... the man was literally in his mind, couldn't he help him tuck memories away or something? He felt like he wasn't helping at all and it made Harry want to throw his hands up in the air. Gan on the other hand, really was guiding him with meditation. He talked to him about different things to do and try, he asked him about his progress, he monitored him while he meditated, and at times he even spoke gently to him during meditation to guide Harry's waking mind in and out of his meditative mind.

"Are you meditating Harry?" Gan's voice came from beside him.

"Yes teacher." He didn't look at him but knew his teacher must have wondered since his eyes weren't closed.

"And are you aware?"

Harry thought about it. He supposed he was. He'd been watching the birds fight in the air for a little fish one of them had caught, but whether he'd really been seeing it, he wasn't certain.

"I might be."

"Does keeping your eyes open help?"

"Maybe."

"Perhaps you should keep your eyes open in the day as well then."

Harry did look over at him now. Gan smiled at him, a rare sight Harry thought.

"Teacher?"

"You have been learning to evaluate your emotional state throughout the day," he paused for a moment and then said, "I believe you know well how to evaluate the emotional state of others as well. Perhaps you should begin trying to evaluate the motives of others as well."

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"To walk in another man's shoes," Gan said, and gave another smile, and then Harry nodded. He did understand though he didn't think he liked it. Walking a mile in Snape's shoes... no he didn't like that at all. Gan was telling him to try looking at himself through Snape's eyes and situation and then maybe the world would be colored differently.

"Not too many people walk in my shoes," Harry said feeling a little defensive then. Really nobody at all had except maybe Gan and Adeline who had taken the time to really see him and even stand up for him.

"Because one man jumps from a bridge, does that mean another should also?"

Harry stared at him. Did they say that kind of thing in Mongolia? "We're not talking about doing something dangerous," Harry protested, but stopped at the patient look on Gan's face.

"Aren't we?" he asked. "Failing to take into account another person's situation, another person's point of view is as good as doing yourself harm. It breeds a one sided perspective of the world, it breeds bitterness and hatred where there might not be any at all in other circumstances."

"You say it like you've seen it happen."

"Haven't you?"

"No."

Gan just looked down at Harry's new boots and Harry followed his gaze. He stared at them too and when Gan said no more Harry knew he was supposed to get some meaning from it, so he stared at the boots and then closed his eyes to think about it. Haven't I seen people be one sided, bitter, hateful when they shouldn't have been, he rephrased the question. What does it have to do with my shoes? He tried again. Haven't I seen people hurt themselves by being bitter against other people? Actually all he'd seen was people hurting him by being bitter against him. Harry paused in his thought and tried to let his mind grasp onto the answer he felt was so near to him. My shoes, my shoes come from Dumbledore... but Snape told Dumbledore what was going on... unless the shoes didn't come from Dumbledore and they really came from Snape. His mind officially went blank for at least a minute. Dumbledore never said he bought the other things, only the supplies in the black trunk. And Snape was the only other possibility. Snape bought my shoes, Snape bought the clothes, the bedding, the rug, the coat, the sweat jacket, everything. Snape did it all. Snape, who had spread the rumors and lies, Snape who was bitter, Snape who was hateful, Snape who had not seen Harry for who he really was at all because he hadn't tried. Gan was right. It could cause a lot of trouble, and Harry for one thought that maybe the man was bitter and hateful when he didn't have to be. If Gan thought it was from a lack of other people's perspective then Harry didn't want to fall into the same boat as Snape. He didn't want to be miserable and he didn't want to cause others misery.

Having a lot to think about Harry went back to his cabin and lay awake that night. He knew Snape had hated James, but was that really enough of a reason to be so angry at Harry all the time? There had to be another reason. And what about all the others? What was their excuse? Even Draco was being reasonably nice to him now, why was that? Gan's voice filled his head about walking in another's shoes and Harry wondered if Draco had become less of a git all the sudden becuase he'd seen how little Harry truly had. He didn't know, but the question gnawed at him. Something else gnawed at him too... Snape knew his situation, sort of, and had bought him the things he needed and more, but he was still being a git. Did that mean that Snape was still lacking perspective on Harry? He fell asleep before he came to an answer, but in his dreams Gan said that Harry was the one still lacking perspective.

* * *

Harry was on the floor and his elbow smarted. He opened his eyes and looked up to find Snape sitting in the chair at the front of the room giving him a dirty look.

"Must you be so dramatic Potter?"

Harry pushed himself up, feeling irritated. The man was trying to pry memories out of him that he didn't want to see or even think about. He'd already had one sleepless night, he didn't need others. The effort of keeping Snape away from those memories was taxing and somehow, he wasn't sure yet, he had ended up on the sandy class room floor. He wouldn't have put it past Snape to push him out of the chair, and maybe he had. Harry couldn't be self aware during these sessions with Snape, there was too much going on in his head. It was all out war. Harry returned the dirty look.

"You never fell while learning this?"

"No."

Irritation filled him at the small smile that crossed the man's lips. Git. He sat back in the chair and before he had time to prepare, Snape was in his mind again. For the last half hour he'd been trying to latch onto any one of several memories involving the bath tub filled with cold water at four privet drive, and he was trying again presently. Harry tried to yank the memories away but as soon as he pulled one out of reach, another was at the forefront of his mind again. There were so many. Three minutes later he opened his eyes and found himself on the floor again, staring at the sand that had piled up under Snape's desk. Didn't they ever clean in here? He sat up and wiped the gritty sand from his cheek.

"You are making very little progress Potter."

"You're in my head! Can't you just tuck the memories away?!" He snapped at him. He was surprised when Snape didn't leap up and pick him up by the front of his shirt. Instead he was staring at him with question in his eyes.

"You have memories you would rather not think about?"

Harry tried to calm his breath and recognized the panic that was trying to rise up in his chest. He looked away. "Doesn't everybody?"

Snape was quiet for a full thirty seconds as Harry sat on the floor and continued to brush sand off of his arms and shirt. He assumed the man was watching him, so he took his time, not eager to get back into the chair.

"It is possible, but it takes complete trust in the Legilimens."

Harry looked up. When Snape saw that he had his attention he continued.

"A Legilimens may help an occlumens or a student of the art to tuck memories away. Doing this is much the same as putting a memory in a pensieve. Both parties see the memory as it is being tucked away, but when it is done, the memory is no longer at hte forefront of the mind. It is still there, but at the edges of the mind where it is recalled less often and with less clarity. The legilemens must be given full trust however-" he paused and stared at Harry, who was still staring at him. "The memories must not be pulled away or otherwise tampered with by the occlumens or there would be dire consequences."

"Consequences?"

"If one were to tamper with the memory being tucked away, to hide the truth from the assisting Legilimens, then they would only succeede in tucking away a false memory. The true memory would still be there. As a result, there would be two conflicting memories warring with each other. It would be impossible to tell which was true. It could be enough," he paused again and looked down his nose at Harry," to drive a person insane." Another pause for dramatic effect Harry was sure. "Especially if the split memory was particularly important or dramatic, or if multiple memories became split."

Well, so much for that," Harry thought. He had a lot of memories he'd rather have tucked away, but he didn't trust Snape. Well, he didn't trust him completely. The man was a loose canon and even though he'd bought Harry the new things, he was still being a git and Harry wasn't convinced he had his best interests in mind. He had trusted him that night the other boys had attacked him though, his mind tried to tell him, but Harry pushed the thought away. That was because Hermione and Draco had been so certain.

"Are we done?" Harry asked as he stood up and gave his pants one final brushing off.

Snape stared at him and then waved him away. "Be gone."

* * *

Harry was tired. He'd slept, but not much. The bath tub full of cold water plagued his dreams along with several other unpleasant memories that Snape had so carelessly rifled through. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he made his way to breakfast and yawned as he went to the field for magery with Snape.

"Follow me Potter," Snape said. He lead Harry away from the field and down the path to the little cove where students usually gathered and swam.

"You seem to preform better under duress Potter," Snape said. He pointed at the water. "Go in and preform the Bubble Head charm."

Harry stared at him. "Without my wand?"

"Without your wand and without words."

Harry turned to look at the water lapping against the beach just a few feet away.

"Above water?"

"No Potter."

Harry crossed his arms. "Not a chance sir."

"Are you refusing my instruction?"

"I'm refusing to go underwater and try to do magic with no wand or words. I can barely do that charm with my wand and you want me to go underwater and do it?"

"Tell me Potter, would it have been easier to get back to shore when you'd fallen from the cliff if you had been able to cast the Bubble Head charm on yourself? Was your mouth not frequently under the water making it impossible for you to speak the words? And what of your wand? What if you had fallen in without it?"

"You expect me to believe this is for my safety," Harry said, feeling on edge, "but it's not very safe to send me in like this to try it."

"Contrary to what you believe Potter, I do not have all day to debate this with you. I have a class to teach in twenty five minutes. Get into the water."

Harry crossed his arms. "Forget it." He was feeling more on edge by the moment. He'd already dreamed of drowning all night and was sure Occlumency later would be spent re-living the event. He didn't want to actually drown before he even got that far into the day. He looked out over the water again and was unaware that his eyes had glazed over.

"Potter! Are you listening to me at all?"

Harry's head snapped back to Snape who had his arms crossed now and was tapping his fingers on his shoulder.

"Repeat to me what I just said to you."

"Uh, you said get into the water."

Snape narrowed his eyes and huffed. "You were not listening." He looked down at his watch and turned his back on Harry, muttering about wasting his time on a student who didn't want to learn as he walked back up the path.

Harry looked down at his own watch. Several minutes had apparently passed since he had looked out at the water. What had Snape said to him that he hadn't heard?

Twice more during tutoring over the next couple of days Snape lead Harry down to the water and they fought about Harry not doing as he was told, and twice more Snape stormed off back up the path, their tutoring time wasted. Finally on Thursday that week, just as Harry was heading to Lunch to meet Axle and Hermione, Snape stopped him on the path.

"Come with me Potter."

"Why?"

"You've wasted three tutoring sessions this week as well as my time. You will spend lunch making up at least one of those tutoring sessions."

Harry's shoulder's fell a little becuase he didn't have much free time as it was, but didn't complain and followed him back away from the Dining Hall, stomach grumbling as he went. Harry wasn't surprised to be lead back down to the cove, but he didn't know what he thought Snape expected of him after he'd refused three times in a row.

"Get in Potter." Harry crossed his arms and stared at him, ready to have it out yet again. Unexpectedly Snape pulled out his wand though and Harry found himself in the air upside down hanging by one ankle as if a giant had grabbed his foot.

"What are you doing?" Harry asked. He was surprised more than anything else.

"Ensuring that you do as you are told," Snape said. Suddenly Harry started floating towards the water and his stomach sank. No no no. Panic filled him and the bath tub flashed into his memory. This isn't the tub, this isn't the tub, he thought to himself, but as Snape hovered him twenty feet out over the water upside down and he stared down into the clear water, he couldn't help but thinking it was. Don't drop me, don't drop me, Harry thought desperately, but then he was falling and was suddenly submerged in icy water. Harry opened his eyes in a panic just to confirm that he was not in the bathroom at 4 Privet Drive and cold salt water stung them momentarily. Light filtered down through the crystal clear water from the surface and he swam towards it, surfacing only a moment later. He sputtered and coughed and looked around wildly to get his bearings. Snape was there standing on the shore with his arms crossed, watching him.

"Preform the charm!" He called.

Harry ignored him and swam towards the shore, still filleld with adrenaline and feeling panicked. He'd be lucky if he didn't have a panick attack right there in the water and drown.

He dragged himself onto the shore and trudged past Snape. "I hate you," he said.

"You were in the water. Why did you not take the opportunity to try the charm?"

"Damn you and your damn charm!" Harry shouted as he continued up the path.

Harry's soaking clothes hung off of him and clung to his skin as he crossed the compound. Students were already filing out of the Dining Hall so he knew he wouldn't have time to change before Root.

"Take a dip Potter?" He turned and spied Blazhe laughing and tried to ignore him, but the further he walked in the wet clothes, the less panicked and more angry he felt. By the time he got to the Root Gazebo, he was fit to be tied.

Gan saw him approaching and stepped down off of the deck. There were only two students already there for class.

"Is there a reason you are soaking wet?" he asked calmly and Harry had to work to hold back a growl. His angry face and his effort didn't escape Gan however.

"What has happened?"

"That- he- water! In the water!" He struggled not to shout as he pointed randomly back towards the ocean. He'd never been so angry that he'd been unable to form a proper sentence. He wondered if this was what Ron felt like when he got angry as he often stumbled over words when he was.

Gan held up a hand as Harry ran his hand over his wet hair to push it out of his face. "Be self aware of your emotional state, take hold of that feeling." He locked eyes with Harry to be sure he was listening. "Now close your eyes. Feel the emotion, let it wash over you like a wave. Good, now prepare to take control over it. Count to five with me, and when we get to five, let the wave of emotion wash away from you. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5."

Harry opened his eyes after Gan counted to five and allowed his breathing to slow. This was one of the meditation techniques Gan had been teaching him, to recognize an emotion and then take control over it so it didn't take control over him.

"Better?"

Harry nodded, feeling quite deflated after experiencing such anger.

"Good. We will talk about this during tutoring at the tree." He looked at Harry until he gave a nod and then turned to go back into the gazebo. Harry followed, still wet, and dried over the next hour of Root where Gan called on him and another student who had recently achieved a state of Root to battle one another.

At seven that evening Harry went to his tree and sat down, pulling his shoes off. Gan was already there, as usual, but was not meditating yet.

"Would you like to tell me what happened during lunch today?"

"Snape happened."

"Oh?"

"He was mad at me. He levitated me out over the water and dropped me in it."

"Did he have a reason other than anger?"

Harry huffed and said, "He keeps taking me to the cove for tutoring and telling me to get in and do the Bubble Head charm without my wand or words. I kept saying no so he took me from lunch and told me to get into the water. When I didn't, he dropped me in."

"I see."

They were quiet for a few minutes and Harry wondered if Gan was done questioning him and had started to meditate, but then Gan asked, "You said he did it because he was angry with you. Was this the only reason he was angry?"

Harry turned to look at him. "I don't know, I guess."

"What else has happened in the last few days."

"I do Occlumency tutoring with him. I was able to pull some memories away from him but he said it wasn't the right way. I got mad at him one day and said he's already in my mind and he should just tuck the memories away for me, and he said he couldn't because I had to trust him completely."

"You do not." It was not a question.

"Well look at what he did! He dropped me in the water!"

"I see." He went quiet again. Gan was slow and measured in every thing he did. His speech, his meditation, his teaching, his thoughts. Harry was growing accustomed to the way the man often stopped to think before talking to him.

"The night you fell from the cliff, you trusted him, did you not?"

"Teacher?"

"Hermione and Draco both told Professor Snape that you had locked your cabin and only he could get in. Did you do so because you trusted him?"

"Hermione and Draco told me to do it," Harry said. "August was chasing me and they said to spell my cabin closed so only Snape could get in."

"So you trusted your friends."

"I guess."

"And in the Infirmary?"

Harry looked over at him. "What do you mean?" He asked it, but he didn't need an answer. He had been... needy, in the infirmary that night. He had needed Snape's protection. Gan must have seen that.

"You ask a question you already know the answer to."

"Why does it matter if I trust him or not?"

"Learning Occlumency requires trust, does it not? If the student does not trust the teacher, it is almost impossible to learn the art."

"Professor Snape only said it was important for tucking away thoughts and memories."

"Professor Snape knows better. One can be taught the theory of Occlumency, and perhaps even the basics without trust. But to gain a true understanding of it, there must be trust becuase the Legilimens must show the Occlumens how, mentally, to hide a thought, or to alter it. The course here is but an overview of the basics of the subject. No one expects a student to come out of Gemini with a true grasp of it. Many students who take the course here go home and work privately with a tutor whom they trust to master the skill."

"So- so I'm just wasting my time?"

"I believe you are the only student he is offering private tutoring to in Occlumency. He is not a man to waste time, am I correct?"

"He doesn't like other people to waste his time," Harry said, repeating his words from the last few days.

"Perhaps, if you wish to learn from him, you should trust him so that he is able to teach you."

Harry sighed and stared back out over the ocean as the sun began to set. If only it were that easy.

"Why are you afraid of him?" Gan suddenly asked. Harry remembered him asking this weeks ago in the infirmary when healing his foot. It was strange how he saw right through Harry so easily. Because he's like Uncle Vernon, Harry thought to himself. Snape is dangerous... but he didn't say it out loud. Instead he told Gan of how Snape always punishes him at school for things he didn't do because Snape hated his father.

"Hate doesn't usually lead to such vindictive behavior," Gan observed.

"Seems like it does," Harry said. Even now, even after Snape had bought him all the nice things (which still confused Harry), he seemed hateful.

"Not hate," Gan said, "resentment."

"You think he resented my father?"

"Did he have reason to?"

"I don't know."

Gan stood up then and left Harry there to meditate and think about it. He still hadn't reached a conclusion by the time the sun had gone down. Harry sat under his tree in the darkness and watched as lit wands made their way down the path to the beach in the distance, though he was too far away to hear any of the voices that belonged to the wands.

He had another sleepless night, but added to his nightmares was a new one, of him swimming in the ocean, lost and alone and with no sight of shore.