"Let me go too," Severus said to Albus as they stood around the kitchen table. "I want to go."

"The ministry is not even letting me go," said Albus, looking tired from his morning at the Ministry. "Amelia Bones is going to question the Dursleys. She has the jurisdiction to use the veritaserum. It is only considered legal evidence if the questioning is done by a Ministry official, with the approval of the Ministry. You know that."

"It is still asinine," Severus growled, pacing rapidly in the kitchen, wishing that he was wearing his robes rather than the t-shirt and jeans he had on at the moment. His robes flared nicely when he paced, and they made him feel intimidating. Whereas right now he felt strangely diminished from his usual grandeur, wearing the old Warlocke Crew t-shirt he'd gotten at a concert when he was seventeen. He hadn't been keeping up with laundry, really. The worst part was all he had to do was toss it in the laundry room and Dobby the House elf would do it like at Hogwarts (both his healer and Potter's healer decided the small responsibility would be good for them). But lately both he and Potter hadn't cared much about keeping their shared room clean. Neither really seemed to give a damn whether there was laundry on the floor.

Severus supposed that Richard and Joseph did make a point, that it was the little things that got out of hand when you weren't coping that well, but this wasn't so much do with coping right now, but more so from laziness. He and Potter had been doing almost nothing but play cards. After staying up all night with Potter playing cards that first time, they'd relaxed a bit more around each other. Knowing that Potter had the sense not to interrogate him about nightmares had allowed Severus to settle somewhat in his presence. And it had been a long time since he got to properly relax and not have to be a teacher all the time.

Although it was true he had always been bad at keeping up with simple tasks, like laundry. Of course, the house elves at Hogwarts meant he didn't have to, exactly.

Stupid healers.

"When will we know if we are right about Potter's family?"

"Tomorrow," said Albus.

"Is she going to question Potter?"

"She may. But she cannot do so with veritaserum, as he is too young, if that is what you mean."

"I know that," Severus snapped, still pacing. Veritaserum was not an approved substance to be used on those below the legal age for drinking in the wizarding world, as it was uncertain whether or not it had an effect on developing brains.

"Well, considering the number of times you've threatened students with it -"

"They do not need to know it is an empty threat," said Severus, rolling his eyes. He stopped pacing, and picked at a thread on the hem of his ratty old shirt. "I just wish I could do more right now."

"As do I ... as do I."

***

"So, are they a good band?" Harry asked, pointing out Snape's t-shirt as they played cards in the sitting room later that evening.

"Bloody excellent," said Snape, picking up a card, his words muffled slightly as he chewed on a toothpick he'd procured somewhere.

"I haven't heard about many wizard bands," Harry said. "Just the Weird Sisters."

"Not much different than muggle bands, really," Snape said thoughtfully. "Way cooler shows, though. Magical special effects and everything."

"When did you go see these guys?" Harry gestured to the shirt.

"The shirt I got at their concert in‘77," said Snape. "But I got to go see them once before that, when I was fifteen."

There was a gleam in Snape's eye, like he was hiding something.

"You look mischievous," said Harry under his breath. "Care to share?"

"Only if you promise not to tell any students."

"You have so much dirt on me now I wouldn't dare," Harry said, rolling his eyes. Snape chuckled darkly, a sure sign he agreed. Harry resisted the urge to roll his eyes a second time. Snape could be so melodramatic sometimes.

"The concert was in November," said Snape, pulling the toothpick out of his mouth and grinning widely.

"You snuck out of school?" Harry said, awestruck.

"Me and your mother, actually. Would you believe it was her idea?"

"What? I thought she was really straight-laced. Everyone says so."

"Not all the time," said Snape, shrugging and putting the toothpick back in his teeth so he could play his hand. "Warlocke Crew was one of her favourite bands. Kind of like the wizarding version of ... oh what's the name ... Queen. Best comparison I can think of, at least. Anyway, so Lily wanted to go because not only was it Warlocke Crew, but their opener was Coven, an all-girls rock outfit. Great musicians."

"What, did you have a poster of them in your dorm?" Harry said, snorting slightly as he noted the tone in Snape's voice.

"Come on, everyone did," said Snape airily, but his ears had gone a little red. "Anyway, so Lily had some money left over from her summer job -"

"Where did she work?" Harry asked, surprised. It was strange to think of his mother as just a normal teenager at one time.

Snape frowned for a moment, thinking hard, then he smiled fondly. "The drive in movie theatre - it was a huge deal in Cokeworth, to the muggles at least." Snape shuffled through his hand for a moment, and finished laying down his cards.

"Right, so Mum had money left from her job ..."

Snape pulled out his toothpick again, and balanced it on his water glass for later. "First I guess I should mention everyone at school had heard about this concert, but there was a school-wide ban on tickets. If you were found with them, or found leaving the castle to go, automatic detention for a week. At least a dozen people already had their tickets confiscated by the night of the concert - including Black and your father, might I add.

"Anyway, that night Lily told me to meet her in the library to study, and out of her bloody charms text she pulls these two tickets. I was shocked - I was poor as dirt as a kid, and I mean, the tickets were pretty pricey for a teenager. Lily just said to forget it." Snape shook his head slightly, as though the memory still surprised him.

"So how did you get out of the castle?" asked Harry in awe.

"Lily said she'd been following Potter, your father. She was a prefect, and she had been trying to catch him in the act of charming paintings to swear as students passed, which everyone knew he was behind despite him not being caught. She saw him disappear behind a mirror. Turns out there was a secret passage."

"Oh yeah, that one's collapsed now."

"I know, I checked when you were running off to Hogsmeade in third year," Snape said sternly, his Professor-like demeanour suddenly appearing and contrasting greatly with the faded t-shirt and ripped blue-jeans.

"So you guys took it out of the school then?" Harry asked changing the subject quickly, and Snape nodded.

"We did. We were out until one in the morning." Snape laughed suddenly, to Harry's surprise. "Your mother fell asleep in class the next day, but she was a prefect so nobody suspected her. They just thought she was up late studying." He gave another deep, rolling laugh at the thought, a sound Harry was unused to hearing often.

"I wish I could have known her," Harry said quietly. "She sounds like fun."

"She was ... and ... she deserved a better friend than me, really. You saw in the pensive - I was an idiot at that age. Still am, probably."

Snape looked suddenly downcast to Harry, who studied him as he shuffled the cards for the next round. There was something guilty in his look, and Harry had an odd feeling it went deeper than just what Harry had seen in the pensive accidentally.

"I don't think you're an idiot," Harry mumbled, eyes fixed on his cards.

Snape, surprised, looked up at Harry.

"Er, thanks," Snape added.

Somehow, though, despite Snape's words, Harry got the sense that what he had said was all wrong. Snape's eyes were downcast. Snape opened his mouth once, then closed it, shaking his head slightly.

The subject was changed quickly, but Harry could not help but wonder what it was that Snape had stopped himself saying.

***

"I think I have to tell Potter," said Severus the next day, pacing nervously before Joseph in one of the side rooms of Grimmauld place. "About me being the one to ... to tell the Dark Lord about the prophecy."

Severus ran a hand through his hair.

"It is really bothering you, isn't it?"

"Well I hardly slept at all last night, if that's what you mean," mumbled Severus, sinking tiredly into a chair.

"Can you think of what brought this feeling on?"

"Potter said that I'm not an idiot," said Severus, letting out a laugh that in its bitterness, sounded more akin to a sob.

"And was it you who made the statement, that you are an idiot?"

"Yes."

"Alright. So he defended you. And now you want to tell him of your involvement with the prophecy. What from this altercation do you think made you want to tell him, now, of all times?"

Severus spluttered slightly, shrugging and slumping back into the chair.

Joseph waited.

Severus hated when he did that.

"Well ..." Severus said half-heartedly, just to fill the silence. "I guess ... maybe I think Potter is wrong? Maybe I think I am really an idiot?"

Joseph hummed appreciatively of Severus' statements. "A good inference. Do you think that you might still be punishing yourself for what you did?"

"How do you mean?"

"You clearly still feel a great deal of guilt over the prophecy, as you've stated before. So are you unwilling to accept Potter's statement because you feel you don't deserve to be defended by him due to the prophecy?"

Severs nodded slightly.

"Do you think one decision really can define us?"

"I don't know. I think I have spent my whole life trying to make up for it though, so I guess, that decision has defined me." Severus picked at a thread on the armchair he sat in. "I ... I think that was sort of what got me up on the tower, you know? I was ... I wasn't able to make up for my mistake with the prophecy, as I lost my ability to continue to redeem myself because I was no longer in the Dark Lord's service. I'd been discovered, so I guess I thought I had ... well, failed at everything."

"Good ideas, Severus. I think you are on the right track with that."

"I mean, my only purpose for a long time was to make up for what I'd done. I guess I just have to find purpose again, find a way to do good, and keep redeeming myself if I want to avoid being up on that ledge again."

"But is that any way to live, Severus? Constantly searching for a way to pay for past mistakes?"

"Not exactly ..."

"What about forgiveness? What if we worked to find a way for you to forgive yourself for that mistake?"

"That would be good," Severus said quietly. "But how?"

Joseph looked to Severus, that horribly patient look on his face, much to Severus' chagrin. It was the silent question of "What do you think, Severus?"

"I think that if Potter forgave me ... I could. Because ... because the more I get to know Potter ... the more I feel like I've wronged him, if that makes sense."

"Maybe that is why you distanced yourself from him, all these years," said Joseph quietly.

"I ... well, it was more than just my grudge against James Potter ... so yes."

"I think it is essential for you to understand that Harry may not react well if you tell him. Regardless of whether or not it was your fault that You Know Who suspected Harry's family, he may be upset."

"I know."

"Do you think you can withstand rejection from him, if he knows?"

Severus frowned. "I ... I hope I can ... but what if I ... I cannot?"

"I believe that you can if you choose to," said Joseph. He hummed thoughtfully. "I think it is safe to say that right now, you must decide between two roads. The first, is silence. You will have to continue to live with your secret, which as you've found, has affected you greatly, and may even come out to Potter by some other means. The second road yields two possibilities. The best would be that Harry forgives you for your mistake. The risk is that he blames you, or is angry with you, and refuses to forgive you.

"What you must decide Severus, is whether or not the risk of the second road is better than living with the secret forever."

Severus frowned, thinking. "I will need a while to decide."

"That is the answer I was hoping for, Severus," said Joseph quietly. "I would like you to inform me if you make a decision, and then we will work together to decide what to do from there, alright?"

Severus nodded.

Joseph left after that, and Severus sat before the charmed windows in the sitting room, looking out on a landscape of yellowing fields. Autumn was approaching. Summer was soon ending, and Severus could see the two roads before him, forked and each leading somewhere out of sight. And in that moment, it felt like this was the only place he ever could have arrived at. Which decision was the right one, though? It would be a little like jumping if he took the second road, for there would be no turning back. There would be no arm to drag him back to safety. Just falling, and then the ground. And if he did make that decision - if he did tell Potter what he'd done all those years ago, there was no guarantee of a safe landing.

But did he want to take that risk? Was silence a price he was willing to play for not taking it?

Severus shook his head, and watched the clouds drift lazily through the charmed sky, searching through them as though he expected to see an answer.