Early the next morning after Madame Pompfrey had given Harry his medicine he laid back down and pretended to be sleep. He could hear Snape moving around the flat as he was getting ready to leave for his classes. As he wasn't opening his eyes, he tensed ever so slightly when he heard the man come into his room to check on him. Peeking through an eyelid he saw that the man was in the process of setting a tray of breakfast on the desk. He was conflicted at the moment, he didn't understand any of this. He had never been so happy when Snape had left.

Harry carefully stood up, and made his way over to his desk to eat his breakfast. He couldn't shake the feeling away, but Snape had looked like he cared for him The man was genuinely concerned about him it seemed, and it even scared him to a degree. He just could not understand why, it didn't make any sense. Eating his breakfast slowly Harry had a sudden thought as he realized that he was completely alone. Today would actually be a good day to finish what his Uncle had started if only his ribs weren't so sore.

Because of the beating his ribs had taken, he wouldn't be able to walk that far. Which would result in someone finding him before he would even have a chance to do it. He didn't let that thought get him down, he had the whole week to himself, he could find some time. With that plan in motion he finished his food and tiredly made his way back to bed. He had the plan of reading a book but he soon found himself drifting off to sleep before he had finished the first chapter.

He awoke when he heard Snape come through the bedroom door with his lunch. Had he really slept that long? As he watched the man set down his lunch tray he could swear he saw a trace of approval at the empty breakfast tray. Was Snape actually happy that he had managed to eat? He shook his head at that thought, blinking up in surprise when he saw Snape sit down with a lunch tray of his own. He had been expecting the man to leave just like this morning.

Truth was Harry wasn't very hungry at the moment, he was still a bit full from breakfast. His stomach still wasn't up to copious amounts of food yet. Not to mention he had a less then pleasant dream and had woken up with some unease to say it lightly. He wondered what were his chances of forgoing this lunch, one look at the dark calculating gaze on him had him inwardly groaning.

"Grab your tray and eat your lunch," Severus told him a casual but firm tone.

He was eating the same food as the boy was as the child's stomach couldn't yet eat the rich food of Hogwarts. So soup and sandwich was what they had. Not to mention he had put a stomach soother in the boy's pumpkin juice just so he could be able to keep it down. Kind of like this morning actually.
Harry nodded sighing softly as he realized he had no choice in this particular matter.

He grabbed a sandwich off the tray and under Snape's watchful eye he was able to finish half of it, where he then moved on to his soup. But he was only able to eat 4 spoonfuls of it before his stomach felt like it was about to burst. He caught Snape's disapproving gaze at how little he ate before he turned his gaze to his hands.

Sighing softly once before he was picking up the sandwich again. If he ate anymore it was going to come back up, but he couldn't stand that expression on Snape's face. He took a deep breath preparing to eat more when the sandwich disappeared from his hand, along with his entire lunch. The only thing that remained was his cup of juice and his potions to take. He looked at Snape confusion covering his face for a second before he frowned.

"Where did you do with my lunch?" Harry asked warily, unsure of what this all meant.

Was Snape playing some kind of joke? Because he didn't eat a lot, did that mean he couldn't eat anymore ever? Thankfully the man answered his question before he worked himself into a state.

"I banished it, as you were finished. I saw your face, and I have no idea why you were trying to eat yourself sick," Severus told him as he continued to eat his lunch.

"Because you were frowning, when I put my spoon down," Harry mumbled out honestly as he took his potions.

He washed them down with the juice and smiled slightly, his stomach felt a lot better now. Maybe Snape did know what he was doing.

"Nothing you had done, I assure you," Severus said in a clipped tone.

Truthfully he was angry at the child's relations as the boy couldn't even stomach a sandwich and some soup. He could kill them for what they had done. He shook the thoughts away before he finished his lunch and flicked it away before he stood up and gestured for the boy to sit back up.

"Why?" Harry asked quietly as he slowly sat back up.

"I need to check your ribs, and see how they're healing," he answered.

Harry sighed and allowed the man to do his check over. If he was being truthful with himself, he preferred Snape to Pompfrey as she seemed to give him a sad look every time she came to see him. He knew it wasn't pity she was giving him, but he still couldn't stand it as a wave of shame tended to hit him when she did. He laid back on his pillows as his teacher finished up.

"I have to get back to class, you may get up if you'd like. But please don't leave the quarters, your ribs aren't ready for that," Severus replied as he headed out the room. Yesterday had been a bit too much for the child, to soon but the boy had come back with a light in his eyes so he didn't regret it.

"Alright," Harry murmured as he settled back in the bed.

He noticed the minute the man had left, the distinct feeling that he was completely alone. It was a disconcerting feeling, and his state it wasn't very welcoming at the moment. He'd never realized how much Snape's presence filled a room. He looked around the room, absently shutting his eyes tight as his thoughts started to run wild. Here in the absence of other people he could feel and it hurt. His grief was on the surface and all positive thoughts got pushed in the back of mind.

What the fuck? He had been almost normal for a moment, why now? He found himself getting bombarded with his negative thoughts. In just that instant he couldn't remember why he felt like giving life another chance last night, and he couldn't bring himself to care. He was on a train of depression and was starting to go downhill.

The tears threatened to overwhelm him, but he had already cried last night and didn't want to seem weak. He refused to let the tears fall, even if they're was no one here to see them. Harry gasped on his air trying to breathe deeply but he couldn't, and a strangled sob managed to escape him.

He wanted Snape, he just wanted someone to be there for him. But like all things in his life his wishes never comes true. He hitched his breath, looking around wildly for the next best thing. In a moment he had removed his glamours on his arms and was soon adding more slashes to his arms and legs before he could fully think about it.

When had it come to this? Why did this feel so good? If he was being honest, it didn't really feel good. It hurt but at the same time, it was relief. The emotions churning inside of him went away when he hurt himself. Because he could now focus on the physical pain, he felt he was able to cope, ever so slightly.

Harry was very much aware this wasn't the right way, but who cared right? He only had himself to lean on, whatever worked for him. He sighed softly to himself starting to feel a little better. But even as the physical pain is the most prominent, the emotional hurt and turmoil he's going through while dampened, is still there and he doesn't know what to do.

He screamed, the sound raw and one could hear the hurt in it if they were around. But he's so alone, so very alone. And because no one is there, he keeps cutting and cutting oblivious to how deep he's going. He just wants the pain to stop, he wants to be whole again.

Why him? Why does these things always happen to him? When will he ever get a chance at happiness? He's a madman as he slashes his body, no skin is safe, and when he finally does get the feeling of being totally numb he sees that he had bled all over Snape's blankets.

Harry can't bring himself to care about it though, he and takes a shuddering sigh of relief. Everything hurts but at the same time, he feels nothing. At that thought a sudden wave of exhaustion comes over him and all he wants to do is sleep. He barely has the strength to banish the razors but he can't bring up his glamours.

He decides to take a short nap and then reapply them when he wakes up before Snape even comes back home. It's a good plan he thinks, so he closes his eyes and allows his body to finally fall into a restful sleep.

It's a pity really, that when he was finally able to get some good sleep, it wasn't without consequences. In his haste to make himself numb and feel better, he hadn't paid attention to what he was doing. And the cuts that he had made had moved from small slashes, to deep cuts and gashes. And as a result they were bleeding freely, and somewhere along the way he's no longer sleep, but unconscious from the blood loss.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Severus was in his after lunch class with the 2nd years Huffelpuff-Ravenclaw and it was going fine, but there was a nagging in his mind that something was wrong. He went around the classroom checking cauldron and student alike and found nothing wrong. The feeling was getting stronger but he ignored it in favor of stopping a Huffelpuff from exploding his cauldron.

All through the class he couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right and when class was over he went over everything in head that could be wrong, when Potter popped up. He shook that thought away, he had just seen the child he was fine. What could happen to a child who was on bed rest? His next class was starting and it was the Gryffindor-Slytherin 6th years; he needed his full attention with this class and he pushed that nagging feeling to the back of his mind.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Harry couldn't believe it; he was with his parents and Sirius again. He didn't know how though, he hadn't even put his plan into action yet how could this be possible? He shook his head it didn't really matter how he got there, he was here and that's all that counted. He just hoped no one would bother him like before.

This time his mother wasn't crying and she even had this half of a smile on her face like she couldn't decide where she was happy or sad that he was here. He ran and hugged her and he saw that she was both, she started crying on his shoulder but he didn't care he had his mum.

His dad and Sirius came up behind him after he let go of her and tackled him to the ground, he laughed until he thought he couldn't breathe, this was his heaven and he would rather be here with his family then fighting a fight he never wanted to be a part of. He ran back to his mum who reached for his hand and pointed out 2 figures in the distance.

There walking to him was his namesake; his grandpa with his grandma. He gasped softly to himself, he couldn't wait to meet him. If this was his heaven, why would he give this up for his life when it was as terrible as they come?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Severus couldn't get rid of the horrible feeling in his gut that something was terribly wrong. The feeling intensified and when he caught sight of Weasley working alone he realized it had to do with Harry. He had to get out here, he vanished all the cauldrons frightening the students in the process but he didn't care.

"CLASS DISMISSED!" He all but roared and ran out of the classroom leaving bewildered students behind.

Severus didn't know how he would find Harry and that was scaring him more and more. He opened his quarters and ran directly to Harry's room where he couldn't stop the "Oh Harry!" that came out of his mouth as he took in the sight before him. The sheets and blankets were bloody and the child was sheet white.

He called his house elf Twinkle to bring him potions that Harry was going to need. When he touched the child's body it was ice cold and his heart jumped into throat; he was very scared in that moment. He wasted no time in sending his Patronus to Poppy and got to work. He took in the cuts that were still bleeding and spelled them to stop, he tried to heal them but they wouldn't go away. He spelled blood-replenishing potions into the child's body along with pain relieving potions.

Throughout all of this Harry had a faint pulse, then for a second he had nothing. Severus took note of the numerous scars that littered this child's body and tried to figure out why they never saw them when his heart plummeted as Harry had stopped breathing.

Severus couldn't believe it he had already saved the child from near death a week ago and was in the process of doing it again. The real question was would Harry resent him even more when Severus saved his life again? Because there was no doubt in the Slytherin's mind, that he wasn't going to be able to bring the child back.

Before Harry reached his grandparents he felt something tugging at him, like someone was trying to wake him up. It was an annoying feeling and he longed to ignore it in favor of hugging his grandpa but he couldn't.

It was probably Snape with his dinner, for all he knew. Then he remembered his cuts weren't covered up! Oh boy, if he was having the heaven dream did that mean that he had almost died again?

Harry's eyes popped opened as he inhaled a giant gasp of air and looked into the terrified eyes of his Professor before his face went blank. Harry didn't want his teacher to think he wanted to kill himself, since he was starting to trust the man; he didn't want that concern to be replaced with disgust. When he decided to end his life he hoped to Merlin that Snape wouldn't be the one to find him. Harry blurted out the first thing he could think of in an attempt to make the situation better.

"I wasn't trying to kill myself sir," Harry panted out. Why was he so breathing so hard, he hadn't been running? What was going on?

"You expect me to believe that Potter? Then please explain to me what the hell you WERE trying to do? These are self-inflicted cuts are they not? You meant to do something, than what was it?" Severus asked tightly, he wanted to strangle and the hug the child, not sure in what order so as it was he was currently glaring at him.

Harry didn't want to tell anymore of his secrets to Snape but it was either explain or have Snape think he was suicidal (even if he technically was he didn't want his teacher to know that)

"I was trying to take away the hurt that I was drowning in. Lately it's been feeling like it's going to rip my insides apart and I needed something to take the pain away. I guess I cut way too deep and then I felt really tired. I'm sorry sir," Harry stated honestly, feeling his face heat up at his admission. God he had been so stupid.

"That is not the way to deal with your grief you foolish boy. You have to scream, cry, write it down or talk to someone, anyone, and you could even talk to me if you need too. Just not this; anything but this; you could become addicted to this if you're not careful. Speaking of which, how many times have you've done this already?" Severus asked him
seriously.

Harry was looking at the cuts on his arms, it was easier them looking at the angry eyes of his Professor. He could hear the man waiting for an answer and he knew he wasn't getting out of this. "I can't... I don't trust adults; they've always let me down in the past. I have no one left in this world that cares for me. Not the part of me that's famous, but the part that's just Harry; the boy with no one."

Harry's eyes widened as he realized what he just said, he didn't want Snape to know that was how he truly felt. Where had that come from? That was the answer to the question, what the hell? What was it about Snape, that made him want to spill his guts?

Severus narrowed his eyes at that answer, it wasnt the one he wanted but it was important nonetheless. What else had gone on in that house? It did give new perspective on why the child didn't seem to reach out to adults. Severus couldn't believe what he was about to say but the child had to hear it.

"That's not true Harry, what about Granger and Weasley? You 3 are inseparable," he asked, but the boy needed his friends he was starting to see.

"Are we? Then how come they haven't written to me all summer or knew what was going on with me? Where are they? Why have they only tried to visit me once? That doesn't sound like we're inseparable to me," he asked out bitterly.

"I don't know Harry....but it doesn't matter if they can't see how great of a person you are then they don't deserve you," Severus told him softly.

He could see the surprised look in the child's eyes but before anything else could be said they were interrupted by the door. Thinking it was Poppy, Severus rushed to the door and opened it only to reveal a worried looking Draco who was talking in frantic sentences that Severus couldn't half understand.

He led him through the door and without thinking brought Draco with him to Harry's room. He didn't want to leave him alone again and he needed to finish bandaging Harry cuts. He was surprised to see nothing malicious in either of their expressions instead he saw only worry in Draco's and shame in Harry's. He couldn't understand it, so he quietly finished bandaging Harry's scars while the boys talked as if he wasn't there.

"This is the 2nd time in 1 week that you've almost died Harry, does our friendship mean so little to you that you can't let me know how you're really doing? This bloody pendant has taken 5 more years off of my life today Harry. I was in Potions thinking that the worst had happened and from the looks of it, it did," Draco bit out angrily, but his eyes shone the hurt that he didn't want to say.

"I'm sorry Draco; I... this summer was really bad. I just didn't think ...I mean I forgot...I'm sorry again," Harry whispered out sadly. Was he going to lose another friendship?

"I know Harry its okay, I just wish you had told me about it. Later never came for our conversation. How's it going with Uncle Severus?" Draco tilted his head, as he asked cryptically.

But honestly Severus read the unasked question, and since when did his godson care about Harry?

"He's not treating me like I deserve to be treated, he's treating me better and I don't know why," Harry told the boy, letting his confusion show at that.

"How?" Draco narrowed his eyes as he waited for Harry's answer, he didn't like the sound of that.

"Nothing bad, just similar to how he treats the snakes, he brings me food for every meal. And I'm allowed to use the toilet when I need to and he doesn't get angry at me for being a freak, " Harry replied grinning at that. It was strange at how emotions were fluctuating so at the moment.

"Harry... WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THAT WORD?" Draco shouted out angrily. They had discussed that particular word numerous times in the past. They actually got into a fight over it a few times.

"Who told you that you were a freak Potter?" Severus asked out dangerously, unable to keep quiet any longer. Though he was learning a bit, he also couldn't let this go.

Both Harry and Draco looked up as Snape spoke they had forgotten he was even in the room with them. They looked at each other before Draco spoke once again.

"The muggles," Draco replied with so much disdain you would have thought that he had tasted something disgusting.

Severus was about to reply when his floo flared, he knowing this had to be Poppy; rushed out to greet her.

"So he's actually helping you huh?" Draco asked when the man walked out the room.

"Well he's trying to," Harry answered quietly.

"Are you going to let him in?" Draco asked curiously, he wanted to know.

"Nope, that would be cruel of me, I nearly gave him a heart attack today as it was," Harry replied coolly.

"How would it be cruel?" Draco asked confused, his godfather was strong and he would protect Harry if the boy let him.

"Because when I die, I don't want him to feel guilty or worse; hurt," Harry sighed out honestly.

"What do you mean when you die?" Draco's eyes narrowed angrily, and his heart clenched painfully as he looked at his friend.

"Nothing ok, I was just saying," Harry said as he took in the boy across from him. He needed to watch what he said.

Draco frowned and shook his head in disbelief as a thought occurred to him. "Harry were you trying to kill yourself?"

"No, I didn't plan on doing that today," Harry smirked out, because it was true. It was irony that had such an expression on his face. When he didn't even try, he nearly succeeded, so that meant when he would finally try he would succeed right?

"What do you mean not today?" Draco murmured out carefully.

"I meant no in general Dray," Harry said with a shake of his head.

"You're a horrible liar Harry... you know that right?" Draco said quietly.

"Only when I want to be Draco," Harry pointed out.

"So what are you saying? You want me to know that you're contemplating throwing your life away?" Draco asked bluntly, because honestly he wasn't in the mood for being subtle and reading in between the lines.

"No, I just want you to be prepared for it just in case. So it won't come as a shock too you when it happens...you know?" Harry answered truthfully.

"No I don't know, and you know what else? That is the dumbest idea I have ever heard Harry. Do you honestly hate life that much?" Draco asked appalled as he really started to look at his friend.

"No, but it doesn't have my parents and Sirius here with me. It hurts living without them, knowing everyone else has someone for them." he muttered morosely.

"And it'll hurt living without you. What am I supposed to do when you off yourself? You've been there for me at every turn; whose gonna tell ME not to jump if your already gone? Huh Harry who?" Draco hissed out, ignoring the stinging in the back of his eyes. He didn't like talking about this.

"Draco don't talk like that, you have everything to live for. Your parents and your Godfather are both alive. Not to mention everyone everywhere knows the Malfoy name you are set for life," Harry told him seriously.

"Except my best friend will be gone, then the only person who actually mattered would be dead. Know this Harry if you do it, I'm gonna be right behind you," Draco managed to get out, those by then his eyes while angry were more shiny then he'd like to admit.

"What are you saying Draco?" Harry asked slowly.
"If you jump I jump; I can't live with that guilt Harry," Draco told softly.

"That's not fair Draco," Harry said with a shake of his head. He couldn't allow his friend to to that.

"Nobody said life was fair Harry," he stated stubbornly.

"I know, it never has been to me in the past, so why would it start now?" Harry muttered out bitterly.

Back in the hall Severus's eyes widened as he took in the end of their conversation. They were thinking about death? Was the Headmaster once again right in his own eccentric way? Vowing to think on that later, Severus led Poppy into Harry's bedroom effectively ending the boy's conversation, as she looked over the fresh wounds.