Shouts of joy and applause could be heard, as well as music. The sound of celebration echoed accross the water and into Harry's woods. He had remained to help take care of the bodies of the fallen. He had sat through the ceremony following Voldemort's defeat, and had even said a few words that he now failed to remember. However, when the celebrating began, he had slipped away unnoticed. His friends were all together, mourning the loss of family and friends while attending to the needs at Hogwarts. His guardian had apparated to the ministry to clear his name. When the singing had begun, Harry excused himself to the loo and then broke out in a dead sprint as he rounded the corner. 

I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't...

_____________________________________________________

Severus searched the crowds of families, students, and faculties for the boy. He didn't want to leave after the battle but needed to before they began rounding up the death eaters for Azkaban. Luckily, Dumbledore had prepared for this moment and he had left the ministry a free man. 

After locating the Weasley's and Granger and having no luck at locating Harry, Severus thought for a moment and headed towards the place that he had first met the real Harry Potter that he had grown to know and love. After crossing the water, he hiked up the mound, no longer frozen as it was the other time he had been here. No, now the woods were green and vibrant, full of animal noises and warm. Severus' black robes grew hot as they conducted heat from the relentless sun, and he vanished them, remaining in his black jeans and green, short sleeved, collared shirt. As his head cleared the top of the mound and he ascended over the rocks, Severus' heart filled with compassion and sorrow as he saw the boy. 

In the middle of the tracks, Harry sat, arms around his knees, forhead resting atop. His face was hidden and he rocked gently forward and backward. When a sob was heard, Severus made his way towards the boy.

"Harry." he said, making his prescence known. At the sound of his voice, the rocking stopped for several seconds before it began again. 

Severus closed the distance between the two of them and sat down behind the boy.

"I'm going to touch you." He paused waiting for any indication that he had been heard. The boy gave a slight, almost imperceptible nod. With this, he gently pulled the boy's arms off of his knees. Harry lifted his head slightly, and Severus realized that boy had not washed himself off from the battle. Caked mud matted his cheeks, mingled with blood that Severus hoped was not Harry's. 

"Come here." He said softly. 

Harry peered up at him through his mess of hair and nodded again, awkwardly crawling over his own limbs as he turned around and waited for further instruction. When Severus opened his arms, the boy did not hesitate and hugged the man that he had grown so close to over the past year and a half. Severus pulled the boy onto his lap and the two held eachother until the sun grew dim and the shouts of acclamation died down. 

"I am so proud of you." Severus said hoarsely. "We did it, Harry."

_____________________________________________________

ONE YEAR LATER 

Harry sat at the kitchen table in the small cottage that he and Severus shared. It was the same cottage that they had spent two Christmas breaks and one Summer in, and it held fond memories. Harry smiled as he recalled the times that they had spent after Severus had adopted him, before the war. Even in the wake of Sirius' death and chaos at Hogwarts, those respites still seemed set in a simpler time.

 Severus walked in to find Harry holding a piece of paper and staring unseeingly at the wall. Whenever he caught Harry like this, his stomach always dropped, sensing the familiarity of the expression as one of remembrance.

It's no wonder when most of the boy's memories are not good ones. 

Frowning, Severus walked forward and sat beside him, reaching tentatively to grab the paper from his boy. 

"Congradulations," Severus said with a half-smile. 

Shaken out of his reverie, Harry looked startled before smiling back and muttering a half-hearted thanks. 

"You don't appear to be excited about it." Severus said with a hint of concern. 

"I knew I would get in." Harry replied, his voice lacking inflection. At Severus' raised eyebrow and smirk, Harry shoved him playfully and grinned. "Oh, come off it! It's not arrogance its common sense. The ministry has been wanting me as their property since the day my parents died. Being their auror is as close as they're going to get."

Severus nodded knowingly and said, "Nevertheless, you have earned it. Congradulatons." 

"Thank you sir," Harry replied in earnest. Severus stood up and ruffled his hair affectionately. 

"I will be brewing in my lab. Feel free to come by and help me if you should care to."

Harry nodded and watched Severus leave the room, eyes trained on the doorframe. Looking back down at the letter held in his hands, he thought the words that had been cycling through his head like a mantra since the day that he defeated Voldemort. 

I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't....

______________________________________________________________

Severus headed towards his lab, stopping abrubtly when he remembered a message that the Granger girl had left for Harry while he was away. Turning around, he quietly peered into the kitchen, the boy's name on the tip of his tongue. He stopped, however, when he saw Harry, forhead resting on the table top, arms atop his head. His stomach fluttered once again and he frowned. 

The boy is clearly not alright. 

Resisiting the urge to walk in and comfort him, Severus quietly exited and determined to begin researching their options immediately. Even though he had guardianship, Harry was already of legal age to be considered an adult. Severus' brows furrowed at the thought. 

He is but a boy. He needs me. 

Severus got to work.