Start of time by Hopeless Wanderer

Chapter thirteen.

Harry woke up alone the next morning. There was no sign of the potion master, no rumpled blankets and no heap of robes and pillows like last night. The bed sheets were cold and empty. Harry stifled the disappointment and tried to get back to sleep. The more he rested the sooner he could get out of this hell.

Hopefully soon.

Dad briefly visited by, at noon the same day, but left rather fast. Harry could see how much he wanted to stay, Dad's lingering demeanor by the door and the hesitate look on his face told it all, Harry didn't even know why he was leaving. But apparently he had to. After that visit, days flew by like clouds.

The following days were pretty much the same, Ron and Mione were in school and couldn't visit, they sent him get well soon cards like everyone else, they also sent him letters telling him all about the new year and his homework so Harry wouldn't get behind his work. That was mostly Hermione though.

The fourteen year old didn't see Janet at all in those days, she had become scarce. Harry knew she was there, he wasn't dumb and he had heard her arguing with Dad over how much coffee she had earlier. She claimed that she had only one though, that was the only thing he could hear before he was cut out entirely.
Still when it came to her, no one mentioned her name or made her presence known, Harry wanted to be pissed, but seriously couldn't really find it in himself to throw up another tantrum, it must have been the potions, but he just didn't feel like it.

Molly Weasley came by in the mornings at nine when he had been awake for some time, she left at eleven when Dad filled her place, looking exhausted deep down to his bones, still he wasn't slacking off his time with Harry. He stayed till three, but sometimes, like today, left barely at one. They didn't talk much, they most certainly did not discuss what happened that night and just tried to ignore the whole situation. Dad had brought him his favorite novel. The great expectation, he mostly read that to him. Both also ignoring the fact that what had happened to the first page.

Harry wanted to ask what was going on, everything just seemed so... chaotic all around him. Everything seemed hectic and they were all acting jerky, rushed and even hasty at times. Basically, It was like a war zone out of his room, and it seemed like his bed was safe territory. Even though they were all seemed to want to rip each other's throat out, they all agreed on not telling Harry anything. He wasn't even angry anymore, more like resigned and tired of all the shit. But not angry.

Odd. He thought suspiciously.

Now, Sirius and Remus were here with him, babysitting. While helping him pack his stuff to check out of this damn place the same evening. Well, Harry really didn't know how the rolls played out in this case, since he was actually the one looking after the men and stopping padfoot from lapping up Harry's toothpaste as he packed up his clothes and stuff.

The hippogriff had been the first to go into the bag, long before the men had came in, and for some reason he was grateful the men wouldn't see his childish attitude regarding the thing. Harry had taken a strange liking to the thing. He had even named the thing hippos (not really in the mood for creativity) .

Again, he knew it was childish and he was too old for toys, or stuffed animals, but merlin, that thing bewitched him, made him feel... Numb and indifferent. He kinda liked it. Numb was what he needed these days.

".......Honestly moony, I don't know where did I go wrong. " the canine heaved a dramatic sigh and dropped on Harry's bed, headfirst into his pillow. Rolling his eyes, the boy dragged his mattress from underneath the man's upper chest.

"The beginning." his partner answered dryly and Harry suppressed a giggle. As much as he was trying to deny it, his godfathers were painfully hilarious and the most child like adults he had ever seen in his life, Dad would never make such inappropriate jokes in front of a fourteen year old and then laugh it off like it was nothing. He would never make these kind of jokes at all times though. Harry was still blushing.

"Well I guess it's a woman thing." the dog chortled good heartedly and patted Harry on his knee with a wink.

"What about you charming? Any embarrassing girlfriend horror stories you want to share?" The man continued.

Harry had no answer for that and just rolled his eyes, he ignored the nervous twitch Remus struggled to suppress and Sirius' constant bouncing. He couldn't help but think that his godfathers were purposefully avoiding something but couldn't quite put his finger on it. And what better than women as a distraction for Sirius? Whatever they were trying to distract Harry from, it wasn't working.

"I don't think our Harry is old enough for a girlfriend yet paddy. He's only fourteen." Remus interjected, and Sirius huffed out.

"Not old enough?! I have you know, I had girlfriends the moment I hit thirteen. No godson of mine should remain without one for long."

"I will help you find a great girlfriend. Which do you like Harry? Do you have a particular taste?" he wiggled his eyebrows and the boy in question flushed right down to his neck. Though no one could quite tell the difference since the skin was just red in general.

"Oh my god." he drawled out.

"You guys are shameless." Dad would be so pissed if he knew what these guys were saying, he would be more horrified knowing that this was a normal occurence . He would never leave Harry with them again. He mused vaguely and zipped up his backpack with a sigh of relief.

Sirius ignored his antics and continued on his conversation without a hitch.

"He has to go through it someday Moony, might as well give the talk now with all the nurses listening in, it has more educational purpose that way. "

"Get out." Harry groaned out and covered his eyes in mortification.

"Oh prongslet...No need to blush like that! We're all family here! Even the nurses are considered friends. Don't be embarrassed by your sexuality. Never be embarrassed by that." he wagged a finger in Harry's face and he chuckled.

"I'm embarrassed by you two. What's with you today?"

Now he seriously knew that something was wrong. Sirius had the nervous glint in his eyes.

"He had had beer for breakfast, so I'd say a few things went wrong today. Or with his life." Remus waved him off, Harry's backpack was swung on the man's shoulder and they shared a smile over Sirius's fallen body on Harry's now bare bed.

"No need to scandalize me moony, we're babysitting." the muffled voice snapped back.

"Ignore your drunk alcoholic Godfather Prongslet." Harry scoffed with an amused grin.

"Why do you guys call me that? ' prongslet '? Is that an inside joke or something?"

Sirius instantly stiffened and the smile fell off his face. Remus forward, crossing his arms.

"What? Did I say something wrong?"

Sirius and Remus exchanged glances. "No. You didn't say anything wrong pro... Harry."

"You guys have been acting weird all morning you know, and yesterday... Dad.." he was still having trouble saying the name without flinching.

"You're just acting weird." he lamely finished the statement with a suspicious glare.

"Well I suppose." the handsome man regretfully admitted.

"Harry? Now that you said it, I guess there's something we need to talk about eventually."

"Okaay... Are you guys doing alright?"

"Yeah, it's just... Well, might as well get this over with, shall we padfoot?" all of a sudden, the said man sprung up and grabbed Harry by the shoulders.

"Before we say anything kiddo, you need to understand... That we are so, so, so very sorry for what we've done, we're sorry about /everything/." Harry frowned down at the hands vibrating on his flesh and felt Sirius's shake with anger.

"Sirius?"

"We're sorry. We left you with... With the Potters, we should've known, and then /this/ happened..."

Why was he bringing that up now? They had all agreed that Sirius and Remus were blameless. They barely visited Harry as a child and /they/ were lying aristocratic frauds, how were Sirius and Remus supposed to know?

"I don't blame you at all. You know this guys, I thought we had this talk before?" only about a thousand times.

"You will, once you found out what we did?" the puppy eyed man cringed and Harry's frown turned into a scowl.

"What? What did you do?"

"We swear we didn't know it could turn into... Well, what it turned to now. I need you to promise that you understand what I'm saying."

"No, I don't understand what you're saying."

"What he's trying to say, is that in a moment of desperation and grief, we both done something, now that we both deeply regret doing in the first place."

"Okay, guys, stop hitting around the bush and just spit it out. It can't be that bad" nothing could be that bad anymore. Harry's standards were set firmly on the lowest point. He was not about to be disappointed again.

"When they brought you out of... That tree, we were understandably sad and angry, and scared that we'd lose you. We were a mess. All of us, and you never know how much I realised I loved you as I heard that you pulled through... But I did something stupid."

Sirius breathed deeply and hugged Harry to his chest. "The next morning I went to the ministry."

Harry narrowed his eyes... This didn't sound remotely good.

"And I pleaded for a trial." he titled his head in confusion. Ministry. He was hearing that word a lot these days. What was going on?
"Why? Did something happen?" please don't let it be related to me, please. He couldn't take it if it was.

"A custody trial. As in... A reconsideration trial for your custody."

Harry pushed the man away with sharp angled elbows. He could only gawk at the men.

"You did what?!!" he exclaimed incredulously. Sirius cringed, flinching as his chest was assaulted with the elbows again and Harry successfully wriggled his way out of the embrace.

"We thought it was for the best, after what happened to you that night, we all agreed that we might need to rethink your living arrangements. For your own good."

"Why? Why in the hell did you do that?" what gave them the right to do that?! Who did they think they were?

"Your Father, and... Well everyone, thought it best to reconsider your guardianship. We thought you won't want to live with them anymore, after you found that... Janet is your aunt."

"He wanted to give me away?" so he did want to throw me away like trash.

"No. /We/ wanted to take you away. We were wrong. We know that now."

"So what's the problem now? You just go and take it back, why should you be..." that horrible sense of realization set in. He breathed out and closed his eyes.

"Except if you can't take it back..." was this really happening?

"That's not what are we apologizing for." Harry asked what they were apologizing for and they told him. They told him everything, from where they had fought with Dad and the rashly decided to run off to the ministry, of how the two of them filled out forms and Sirius pleaded a trial. Of James Potter.
He was speechless. Just when he thought things possibly couldn't get any worse, they did, not only they got worse, they sprung up confusion and hurt. They sparked up that old question. Why me?

Though he did say that he had set his expectations low, he hadn't been prepared for this. They wanted him back. Mommy and Daddy. It seemed ridiculous calling them that, but to him they had never been James and Lily. To him they always remained mommy and Daddy, names he never grown out of like many other things. /They/ wanted him back.

And there was a good chance that they'll win.

Harry didn't speak to the men for the rest of the afternoon, and they respectfully gave him his space, Remus hung by his door to ask if he ever needed anything, but if there was anything Harry was good at aside from being stubborn, it was giving silent treatment.

When they pressed and talked into eating dinner and if they could help him with anything, Harry coldly responded by saying ; "You can, stop helping."

That must have stung, and it was childish, to hell with it. He was being checked out tonight and even the apocalypse couldn't get in his way to do so. He would sit and discuss this like a rational grown up. He was fourteen and he needed to stop being such a baby, he could cuss and be nasty when he needed to, but no crying.
Dad came by exactly at eight, not a minute sooner or later, he dutifully signed out the forms and talked with healer Johnson while Harry waited by in his room with the two canines. Bored out of his mind.

Harry could hear feminine laughter from the other side of the door and rolled his eyes. Of course she was here too. Harry was going home, with her and Dad. Of course she was also going to be there, she lived there with them and she was pregnant.

Figures. Even almost dying didn't change his current living status. Nothing has changed.

"I guess we see you pretty soon kiddo?" his godfather asked when Dad expectantly waited by the door, his gaze bore only on Harry and he seemed to ignore the other men's existence. At least they were mad at Sirius and Remus together. He thought wryly with a bitter sense of humor.

Harry didn't nod and didn't return the hug, he glared hatefully at the couple and wrenched his backpack, trailing after his father without a single glance over his shoulder. They made him suffer, it was their turn.

He felt like he was under water, everything was muffled and of no importance. The news hadn't settled in and he was probably in shock.

"This way."

He also ignored Dad's hand on his shoulder, though he secretly enjoyed the warm weight, and walked briskly to the main hall, trying his hardest to lose Janet out of his sight. He sighed under hi breath, Noticing, that thankfully, no one looked at him like he was an escapee out of a freak show, or didn't comment about his face.
"What did the healer say?" Janet asked from somewhere behind him, trying to keep her tone as low and as invisible as she could manage. She was doing poorly.

"..... Fine. I'm more worried about school...." he tuned out the couple, and tightened the thin jacket around his frame.

He wasn't allowed a hoodie, since it would /suffocate/ his head and face, and there was actually no point in trying to hide himself, everyone already knew how he looked like.

"Give me the bag? I think you need both hands for the floo." he quietly passed the thing to his dad and stepped in the main floo, thankful again for the automatic powder supply and yelled out his destination with a loud and clear voice, feeling a little skittish as green flames engulfed him whole.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Everything was just like before.

Everything aside from his room.

Harry gritted his teeth and walked into the offensive room that used to be his. It was still his alright, though Harry had no idea what was the deal with his windows and the different mattress on his bed.

Someone not only had been through his stuff again, but they had also changed his mattress on the bed and charmed the windows to lower their full capacity. Harry could only open them half way.

They were most likely afraid he would run away in the middle of the night again, Harry got that, What he didn't get, was their blinding bluntness concerning the matter. He supposed they would just apologize and hug him with tears circling in their eyes if he brought it up or acted on the fact. He had a headache and he wasn't in a mood for another exhausting talk that probably ended in more fights.

Maybe if he stopped caring about things so passionately , then they would stop pressing his buttons? So what if they changed his mattress? Who bloody cared about a mattress?

He flopped down on the bed and gazed up at his roof, intending to take a long and deserving nap until it was time for dinner. He tried to ignore the scratchy white mattress that terribly irritated his skin. To hell with it, was his new motto.

His eyes wandered to Rabbity and he winced, his eyes drooped but he kept them open and slid his hand to retrieve the stuffed rabbit.

"I got a friend for you." he slowly got the blue hippogriff from the bag and settled both on his nightstand, noticing that it has been also shifted slightly to the left.
He felt calm in an instant, mesmerized by hippos calming aura, he sighed and lied back down in his bed with a troubled mind.

He couldn't nap. At all. Not with that stupid mattress. He didn't even bother trying and got his chapped and ruined novel out of his bag. In the most literal sense of the word, his book was falling apart. Apparently he had pulled at the binding along with the first page. Rolling his eyes, Harry flipped to a random page and propped himself on his pillows.

"That was a memorable day to me, for it made great changes in me. But it is the same with any life. Imagine one selected day struck out of it, and think how different its course would have been. Pause you who read this, and think for a moment of the long chain of iron or gold, of thorns or flowers, that would never have bound you, but for the formation of the first link on one memorable day..."

They asked him why this book. Why this, out of all of the classics out there? Why did Dad even bought it for him in the first place when Harry didn't even ask for it? this was why.

He related to it. It seemed like the author was talking about him, no matter the situation, Harry always found the sentences, the words to cut him through like a sharp blade.

He did not ask for this book. The book chose him like the wand. He fell in love with it, even at the age of thirteen, Harry had felt a deep connection with this particular book. Now at fourteen, the connection just deepened. A connection he couldn't explain. He wasn't even that much of a reader, but this book... It unsettled him.

The words he read, were poured out of his soul, even though they were unrelated. Two different kinds of love. There was clearly a difference. But the words... Those words has never been so true. He didn't understand when he was younger, but now... After everything...

He flipped through and read until he could feel his eyes burning. Snapping his novel shut, Harry pushed down on his eyes with the heel of his palms and got up. He swore he wouldn't cry.

"Harry?! Dinner is ready."

Dinner was an awkward affair for two of the parties involved. It seemed like Janet had over thought the dinner that night, aside from the meal_which Harry was sure she had made_Janet looked like a lost puppy.

She didn't seem to know if she should eat dinner with the other two or stay in the kitchen. By the looks of it she had decided that would look rude and obviously with Dad's insistence, she had decided to eat dinner with them,she clearly hadn't thought of the awkwardness of serving dinner with a pissed off Harry.

She should have hid.

He would have.

He didn't. He just ate the meal like he was chewing on plastic wrappers, even had a second helping of the trickle tart which still tasted like sand paper with sugar in his mouth and finally chugged up the potions he was supposed to have after each meal like he was drinking poison.

Dikenn's words swirled in his mind with a playful pace and the boy was getting restless. He payed it no attention more than necessary and didn't let himself mull over anything important that he was supposed to panic over.

Everything that should happen, will happen, there was no point in disturbing himself until then.

With his mind firmly set on that phrase Harry sat down back in his chair.

"I want to be involved." with his declaration, Dad's head snapped up and Janet blinked.

He gathered up his courage and opened his mouth again. "I want to be involved. In... In everything. I want to know everything... James Potter had done or said, what he wants with me and how are you going to... Stop him."

He took their silence as confirmation, having not looked in their eyes as his gaze was set firmly on his lap.

"I don't want to hide from it or cry and flinch away like before. I want to know, even though you think it's not good for me, I don't want to be lied to anymore, even if you think it's for my own good. If it is related to me or my family then I want to know."

"Harry..." He cut off his dad to continue.

"No. Don't, make promises or try to reassure me. I didn't ask for it, all I'm asking for, is the truth. I want and will know everything, I.." he gulped. "I payed a heavy expanse for my own naivety, I don't care if it's good or bad, traumatizing or not..."

"I can't forgive you or get past this just that easily. I need proof, actions and not empty words like before. You," he paused and looked in Dad's black onyx eyes. Calm down. He ordered to himself.

"You have to earn it back. The trust. I still love you dad, love is unconditional. But I..." he didn't have to continue anymore. Not yet. He avoided Janet's uncomfortable gaze as she heaved a sigh and dropped her head. Harry was talking with his dad. Not her. Not yet.

"There is a line, that I cannot cross Harry. I will tell you the truth, but I'm still your parent." Dad said slowly, pausing to take a sip from his glass.

"James Potter is my parent too. Sirius and Remus are my parents too. I don't want to get hurt anymore. I don't want to hide or believe in lies, I don't want to lie to /myself/. I told you the truth when I said that I want to be involved. I'm not trying to get back at you. I'm trying to do the right thing." he fixed his skew glasses and tried his hardest to not get angry or glare at the potion master.

"James Potter may be your biological parent, but do you really believe that getting you back is going to be that easy for him? You don't need to be afraid, I..."

"The truth." he emphasized passionately.

Janet put her utensils down on her plate and turned to him for the first time since they got back. She looked him square in the eye.

"He is telling the truth." she held up her hand. "But there's also a chance, a big one at that, that our efforts might not be enough if not futile."

His hateful gaze burned into hers and she hid her flinch with a determined stare.

"I'm telling you this now, because I'm /not/ your parent. I'm the bad guy here, I'm not going to gloss over the facts or sweeten them with I'm sorries." she nodded at a bemused Severus and continued. "He wouldn't have said it himself, we are trying our hardest. All of us, and I know you're tired of hearing this, but we don't have much time to re-plan or reorganize everything. There's nothing stopping James and Lily from getting you back too."

"And what am I supposed to do to prevent that?" her eyes glinted and she turned to Dad.

"We are already planning some things. Black and an old friend of mine are holding a meeting tomorrow." Harry nodded with finality.

"Then I want to attend it too. I'm not going to school for a few weeks anyway. When's the trial?"

The adults exchanged glances and Dad grimly replied. "Next week."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Having an early night?" His head turned towards the door and he tried to nod. Most likely, having a rough time figuring how to sleep without having nightmares or wetting himself.

"I'm tired." Dad nodded and looked around his room, as if checking for escaping roots.

"It's understandable." he replied eventually and Harry got under the covers, his face as blank as he could manage.

"Are we still settled for Tomorrow?"

"Of course, I was just coming to say goodnight anyway." they awkwardly shared a quick hug and Dad cleared his throat.

"Should I...?" Harry gestured at the bed. Dad cleared his throat again.

"No, no need. May I put up a charm around your bed? Just in case you had an accident tonight?" Harry's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. So that's what all the awkwardness was about... Oh boy, he hadn't thought of that.

"Oh god. Dad, you don't need to do that. It only happened one time. I'm not... I'm not some..."

"I never said you were child. Why don't you try to sleep for now?" his tone was more sincere now and Harry wanted to smile. He didn't.

Hesitate, Dad seemed very worried and reluctant to leave Harry all by himself. "I'm only a shout away. If you don't like me to put up a charm..."

So you would know if I ran away? Or so you and Janet would wake up the second I wet myself out of fear? Both sounded as horrific as the other.

"I think I can manage it by myself. Is that the salve?" he pointed at the red jar. Dad nodded and babbled.

"Yes. It's for your head and face though. The healer said your legs and chest heal on their own without scarring." he already knew all that, they both knew. It more seemed like an assurance than anything.

"Alright then. Goodnight I guess...." Dad shook his head.

"I think it's better if I apply the salve. You might miss a spot." they spent the next few seconds in silence as Dad worked and Harry's eyes kept drooping, his sleepy rambling, kicked out his insecure side back to the surface and he said the first thing that came to his mind.

"What if they get me back ?"

"They won't. Don't trouble yourself with that. I won't let anyone take you anywhere." unless you run away. Was unsaid, hanging in the heavy air around his room.

"Sirius said..."

"Black barely knows what he's saying half of the time. Turn your head." Harry decided not to mention that Janet had already stated the same. He knew his dad, he needed the authority and the voice of power and confidence beside him at all times. That assuring, certain, I know it all voice all dads possessed.

" I don't want to go back to them. I know that Janet... "

"Harry. Stop thinking about it. I told you, no one is gong anywhere, you just got home. Focus on your studies and school. Nothing is at risk here. You're safe." award for the father of the year. He thought sarcastically. Harry knew that technically speaking, Dad wasn't really lying to him, not really, but also couldn't help but think that Dad was /too/ certain of what he was saying.

"But what if he gets me back? What if it really happens? If they get me... I have to live with them for the rest of my life."

"I thought we were talking about it tomorrow? At any rate, that's not something to be worried about, maybe if things progresses. But not now." Dad screwed the jar shut and cleaned his hands with a handkerchief.

"I don't want to go back Dad. I really don't." he lied back down and sighed wistfully.

Dad took his time trying to answer. "And you will not. Nothing is certain now, I'm telling you the truth. It can be a risk if we don't take care of it in the next few days. But hopefully it won't, if things go as expected."

"Hopefully... If..." disgusting words, words that Dad never seemed to use when he was younger.

"Can we stop talking about this? You just got home, we are both tired and..."

"And what?"

"And I am not emotionally equipped to deal with the thought of losing my child to Potter after I just got you back. You asked me to tell you the truth, and I shall do so from now on. Trust me when I say, you are not going back permanently. I would not allow that. Even if I have to commit murder."

"You sound so sure." he muttered.

"I'm a Slytherin Harry. I do not talk on whimsical facts. Every plan has a backup one. Legally they might be able to take you back... But..." Harry caught the strange expression on his dad's face as he leaned down for the last hug.

"Dad..."

"Goodnight son. You have got an early day ahead of you for tomorrow." just like that, the lights were out and he was alone. Having no one but hippos and Rabbity as company.