Potions and Snitches
Snape and Harry Gen Fanfiction Archive

Author's Chapter Notes:
Happy New Year's everyone.
Desire

Severus threw open his door and held it for Harry to walk through, slamming it shut behind them, the noise making Harry wince.

               “Hang up your cloak,” Severus instructed, shredding off his outer robe and hanging it on the hatstand.

               “I’ll put it in my room,” Harry said, holding the bundled clothing tightly in his arms.

               “Do as I’ve said,” Severus growled, pointing at the hatstand as he moved further in his parlor.

               “Why can’t I put it in my room?”

               “Potter, it will be fine hanging there. We have more important matters to deal with – your direct defiance which still seems to be clouding your brain as we speak. You are in enough trouble as it is. Do not make matters worse. Hang it and get over here.” Severus motioned to the sofa, watching as Harry gulped and glanced down at the cloak in his arms then back up at Severus. His patience ran out and Severus huffed as he strode back to Harry, snatching the cloak from the boy. He almost threw it across the room when his hand disappeared.

               Instead, the cloak fell to the floor. It took Severus a mere second to remember James Potter’s invisibility cloak. How the hell did Harry end up with it? Wait . . . Albus. Harry quickly snatched the cloak off the floor, cradling it to his chest.

               “Give that here, this instant!” Severus said, holding out a hand palm up.

               “No,” Harry hugged it tighter. “It’s mine. It was my father’s.”

               “I am aware of what it is and who it belonged to. Did you use it to sneak out of my quarters? Mr. Filch said there was a disturbance in the library – that was you, wasn’t it? And he didn’t catch you because you were using that.”

               “I’m sorry,” Harry said, unconsciously admitting to his wrongdoings. “Don’t take my father’s cloak. It’s all I have.”

               “Potter,” Severus lowered his voice and glared at Harry, “give it to me. Now.”

               Harry’s lower lip trembled, and his eyes watered before he glared back at Severus. “No.”

               “Excuse me?”

               “You heard me,” Harry muttered.

               Severus bit down on his inner cheek as he stared at Harry with a challenging glare. Harry didn’t look like he would give in any time soon. And Severus really didn’t want to force the cloak out of Harry’s death grip. He was sure it would just lead to a draining wrestle.

               “I am not taking it away from you, Potter,” Severus chose his words carefully. “However, you have broken several rules with your cloak tonight. And like it or not, there are consequences for your actions and one of which will be a temporary” – Severus emphasized the word temporary – “loss of your cloak. As it seems that you cannot be trusted to use the cloak appropriately, I will hold on to it for you until the end of break.”

               Harry’s eyes still threatened to shed tears, but he wasn’t holding the cloak as tightly anymore.

               “My decision on that is final,” Severus said, “the cloak will be temporarily confiscated. And if it is not in my hand within the next minute, you will lose it for three full weeks instead of one in a half. And if I have to physically take it from you, your rear end will suffer for it.”

               “Fine!” Harry snapped, holding out the cloak to Severus. He quickly wiped away and escaped tear then crossed his arms as Severus folded the cloak and placed it on his desk in his study. When he returned to the living room, he pointed to the sofa, and Harry plopped down miserably. Severus decided not to scold the boy on the way he had handed over the cloak, considering it was the child’s father’s and a very treasured possession.

               “Now,” Severus said, sitting in the chair across from Harry, “on to your little late-night adventure. Why did you leave these rooms and what were you doing in the library, Potter?”

               “I wasn’t in the library,” Harry quickly stated, still pouting in his seat.

               “Do you take me for a fool, Potter? Sit up, wipe that look off your face, and for once spit out the truth.”

               Harry sniffed loudly, though he sat up and tried to look as mad as Severus, failing miserably.

               “I just . . .” the boy started to say. He picked at a loose thread on his pajama bottoms, “I was looking something up for Hermione. She had a question on the . . . Transfiguration homework.”

               Severus raised an eyebrow. “And this couldn’t have waited until morning? When you could have asked me for permission to go to the library. What was so important about your homework that you had to go to the library at this time of night?”

               “You said we’d be leaving early to go to your house,” Harry said quickly. “I just wanted to make sure I got to the library before we left.”

               During dinner earlier that evening, Severus had informed Harry that they would leave for his hometown the next day – the next evening.

               “I believe you would have had plenty of time tomorrow morning or even tomorrow afternoon to look up this information. And what exactly were you looking up? Filch reported to me you were in the restricted section.”

               “I . . .”

               “Do not deny it,” Severus drummed his fingers on the arm of the chair. “What were you doing in the restricted section? Do I need you to write: the restricted section in the library is off-limits a hundred times?”

               “No,” Harry shook his head, “I just didn’t know where else to look for the information.”

               “What was the question?”

               “I . . . what?”

               “The question you were trying to look up. The whole reason you went to the library and disobeyed several rules I put in place for you not only to keep track of where you are but to ensure your safety in a large, empty castle. Or . . . were you lying to me about why you were out of bed?”

               “No-no, I wasn’t, the question – err,” Harry’s eyes seemed to scan the room. “It was about . . . transfiguring . . . inorganic stuff to organic. Professor McGonagall had demonstrated turning a snitch into an apple.”

               Severus stopped drumming his fingers on the arm of the chair. It was a lie. An obvious lie. He did know that Professor McGonagall demonstrated several skills to her first-year classes to keep them amused while she taught theory and physics to them, so he was sure the part of the snitch to an apple was a truth. But the reason Harry was out of bounds – that was a lie.

               But to what advantage did the boy have to lie? Yes, Severus was sure Harry never had an adult figure to confide in or come to with his adolescent problems. And he was sure that had Harry tried in the past, his relatives most likely rebuffed him. And now here Harry was – the best opportunity to learn to trust an adult yet refusing to take advantage of it. Years of betrayal and rejections would do that to a child.

               Severus almost wanted to push Harry for the truth. To force the boy to come clean with him. To make Harry see that telling the truth was the only answer to every situation. That adults were trustworthy, and that Harry could rely on him at any time.

               But what a hypocrite he would be to do so. 

               Severus sighed and dragged a hand down his face, pinching the bridge of his nose. Could he let this one go? Just to show the boy that he was willing to take his word for it? He would still punish Harry – oh, there would always be consequences to his actions. And if Harry every wanted to come clean to him in the near or far future, Severus would be open to him. With consequences, of course.

               Besides, it was late, and they were both tired.

               Deciding on the best course of action, Severus sighed once more and looked at a squirming Harry, who stopped moving and sat up and alert.

               “So, you went to the restricted section under your cloak to find a book with answers on transfiguring inorganic matter to organic for your friend, Miss Granger?”

               Harry nodded, “I didn’t know where else to look.”

               “And you thought it best to go in the middle of the night because I had informed you that we would be leaving for my house tomorrow evening?”

               Harry’s face looked guiltier as the boy nodded again, “Yes, sir. And I’m really sorry.”

               “Sorry doesn’t cut it, young man,” Severus said sternly. He saw Harry wince at his tone, but he continued. “You broke several rules for something that could have easily been dealt with tomorrow had you simply asked me. You don’t have to solve every problem you encounter yourself. I could have helped answer your question or directed you to the correct books. Any one of those books in the restricted section could have harmed you. You could have been sucked into those pages and never be seen again and we’d have no idea where or what happened to you, Potter. Do you realize that?”

               Harry’s eyes were wide, and he was pale as he shook his head. “No sir, I had no idea! The book just screamed at me and I –”

               “Then you are very lucky,” Severus growled. “And to be wandering around at this time of night in the castle. It’s against the rules when the castle is full of students and staff, and it is most certainly forbidden when the castle is empty. There are four staff members remaining in this castle, one of which is me, and I am responsible for your wellbeing during the break. What if something had happened to you? I wouldn’t have known because I believed you to be safe in your bed and the likelihood that one of the other three staff would have chanced upon you is slim to none, especially when you have that blasted cloak over you. Anything could have happened to you, the stairs could have shifted and you’d be lost. You could have gone into a vanishing room and disappeared altogether. You could have been injured by the books or worse.”

               “I’m sorry,” Harry said, a couple tears trailing his cheek.

               “As I said, sorry doesn’t cut it. To me, Potter.” Severus crooked a finger at the boy.

               More tears escaped Harry’s eyes as the boy shook his head and pulled his knees to his chest.

               “Do not make me get up and grab you, young man. You made several poor choices tonight and you will pay the consequences for them. Now, to me. If I have to get you, you will receive double of what I intend to give you.”

               “Please, sir,” Harry cried, “I really am sorry. Can’t you just . . . maybe ground me or . . .”

               “My ways of discipline are not up for debate. And what would I ground you from?” Severus crooked his finger at Harry again.

               Harry shrugged as he reluctantly stood and slowly made his way over to Severus. “I don’t know,” he said, “the toboggan?”

               “You’d want me to ground you from something you had just received for Christmas?” Severus raised an eyebrow at Harry.

               “Well,” Harry toed the hard floor as he paused in front of Severus, “not really.”

               “And you’re barefoot,” Severus observed, “you could have cut your feet while you were romping around. How were you to know there wasn’t any broken glass from the decorations?”

               Harry shrugged.

               Severus reached for the boy, but Harry stepped back and out of his reach. Severus refrained from snapping at Harry and instead said, “the quicker we get started, the sooner it’ll be over with. The longer you stall, the longer you and I will be here.”

               “But I don’t want you to . . .” Harry swallowed, “this is for babies.”

               “I don’t think it would be wise to smack a baby,” Severus mused, “forget their lack of comprehension of cause and effect, they are too small for such punishment.”

               “Well, then it’s for kids.”

               “And what do you call yourself, Potter?”

               “I’m a . . . well, I’m almost a . . . I don’t want a smacking.”

               “Then you’ll do your best to avoid one in the future. Now, back to me. Let’s get this over with.”

               Harry gulped and stepped closer enough for Severus to grab him and pull him to the man’s side.

               “One more thing, Potter,” Severus said, “do not ever back away from me as you did when I reached for you.”

               “Yes sir,” Harry said.

               And then Severus tipped Harry over his knees. Twelve painful smacks over the pajama cladded bottom later, Severus stood a sobbing Harry to his feet. Before Severus could say anything, Harry lurched forward, wrapping his arms around Severus’s neck and crying into the man’s shoulder. Severus froze. What was he supposed to do now? His first impulse was to shove Harry away, but he was sure that would end in a more distraught child.

               Hesitantly, Severus raised his arms around the boy, slowly circling the smaller body. He held Harry against him and waited, hoping his actions spoke enough for his lack of words. He waited, allowing Harry to pull himself together.

               Several minutes passed and Harry quieted.

               “I’m really sorry,” the boy muttered without pulling away. 

               “I know,” Severus said, “but you have been punished and forgiven.”

               Harry was quiet and still holding on to Severus, so the man waited. Finally, Harry pulled back and Severus released him. Harry wiped at his face and eyed the floor.

               “I hope we do not have to repeat this lesson,” Severus said.

               Harry shook his head, his eyes still downcast.

               “And as I’ve said about the cloak, it is mine until the end of break. You will have it back before school starts up again. However, if I catch you misusing it, I will keep it from you until the end of the school year, do I make myself clear?”

               “Yes, sir,” Harry said, a hand slyly reaching back to rub at his bottom. Harry looked down again, a frown on the boy’s face.

               “Professor?” Harry stated softly.

               “Yes?” Severus raised an eyebrow.

               “When I was out tonight . . .”

               “Look up when you are speaking to me, Potter,” Severus said.

               Harry slowly lifted his head, his eyes meeting Severus’s.

               “You were saying?” Severus prodded.

               Harry licked his lips and said, “When I was out tonight, I found . . . something.”

               Harry fell silent once more and Severus narrowed his eyes.

               “This something wouldn’t land you in more trouble, would it?”

               “No,” Harry quickly shook his head, taking an unconscious step back. “No. At least I don’t think so. I found a mirror.”

               “A mirror?” Severus wondered if he was supposed to amazed by this piece of information.

               “It had some strange words on it but when I looked in it, I saw . . .”

               Harry bit his lip and his eyes glanced at the door. Severus wondered if Harry was thinking of making a run for it. The child was acting strange to say the least. Harry shifted on his feet, rocking on his heels and biting at his lip. Hoping to ease the boy’s anxiety and get him to confess to whatever he was trying to say, Severus reached out a hand and wrapped it around Harry’s wrist, pulling the boy closer, then reached around Harry and patted the boy’s back a couple times.

               “What did you see, Harry?”

               Harry’s eyes met Severus’s as Harry said, “My parents.”

               Severus took in a sharp breath. The mirror of Erised. Albus had mentioned the mirror to him and Minerva earlier on in the break but said nothing of his plans with it. Of course, Harry would find it in his many adventures. What Harry saw in the mirror did not surprise Severus in the least.

               “But there was more,” Harry continued. “I saw . . . a lot of people. People I didn’t recognize. I guess they might have been my grandparents and cousins or whatever, but my parents were there. Mum and Dad were smiling at me and they seemed so proud and . . .”

               Harry had more tears in his eyes and Severus blamed his exhaustion on his next action. He reached around the boy and pulled Harry into an embrace. Harry wrapped his arms around Severus’s neck.

               “I miss them so much,” Harry whispered.

               “I know,” Severus said, patting Harry’s back a couple times.

               A long quiet moment passed before Harry pulled away.

               “There was someone else,” he said after wiping at his eyes.

               “Someone you recognized?” Severus asked. “Or just someone else?”

               “Someone I recognized,” Harry said.

               “And who might that be?”

               Harry looked back down at the ground, rubbing his cold feet against each other. Then, he shrugged and said, “I guess I don’t know him.”

               “That’s fine,” Severus said, “the Potter line was extensive, though it had been dwindling by the time your father was born. It’s late and you’ve had a long day. Head to your room. I expect you asleep when I come in to check on you in a few.”

               Harry offered Severus a small smile.

               “Goodnight, sir.”

               “Goodnight, Potter.”

               Severus watched Harry shuffle to his bedroom before he stood and headed to the kitchen. He needed a long drink after that emotional outburst. Severus poured himself a nightcap. It was the first time Harry had ever initiated a hug from him. And then he had hugged the boy once more. It may have been to comfort the distraught child, but it had been a hug, nonetheless. What was the boy doing to him?

               Severus took a long sip, pausing in thought. That child was going to be the death of him. 

               Another long sip.

               Severus walked over to Harry’s closed door. It had been about five minutes now. He slowly turned the knob and pushed open Harry’s door. He slowly strode across the room up to Harry’s bed. The boy wasn’t in a deep state of sleep yet and shifted slightly in the bed, blurry eyes peering up at him.

               “Glad to see you where you are supposed to be,” Severus commented.

               “Sir?” Harry’s sleep filled voice asked.

               “Hmm?”

               “Hypothetically speaking, if I did see you in the mirror, not that I did but if I had, what would that mean?”

               Severus felt a million images rush to the forefront of his brain, making him feel dizzy. He clumsily stepped back, his eyes never leaving the green glow of Harry’s. There was no way Harry had seen him – him, the miserable potions professor who made Harry’s first few weeks at Hogwarts a living hell – in the mirror of Erised. This was hypothetical, as the boy had said. Harry was just curious as to what the mirror meant. He was trying to figure out why he had seen his parents. That was it. He should have explained the mirror more to Harry earlier.

               “The mirror you encountered was the mirror of Erised, Harry,” Severus explained. “It shows your deepest desires. And yours was your parents. But none of it was real, Harry. I know you miss them, but the mirror will not bring them back.”

               “I know,” Harry said, yawning. “And you?”

               “And I?” Severus frowned. “I don’t know. If you had seen me, Harry, I don’t know what it would mean.”

               Harry blinked up at Severus, smiled, then rolled over and closed his eyes.

               Severus felt shaky, his heart was thundering in his ears, and he gulped the drink still in his hand. Turning and leaving the room, Severus went into the bathroom and splashed his face with water, urging himself to take deep breaths. Dark memories were rising, and he shook his head to clear his thoughts.

               Had Harry seen him in the mirror?

               Severus knew Harry wanted his parents. He knew Harry craved for some kind of parental care he had never had before. But him? Severus couldn’t be that for Harry. A mentor, maybe. But nothing more. Besides, he didn’t know how to be, and he certainly didn’t have the best examples to follow from.

               But this was all hypothetical. He was getting himself worked up for nothing.

               Harry hadn’t seen him in the mirror.

               He couldn’t have.

              

 


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