Chapter 11

Grimmauld Place

Having spent the remainder of his holiday looking for the three letters, to no avail. Harry scoured Grimmauld Place from top to bottom, even enlisting Kreachers help. He had even been so desperate as to send a missive to Professor Snape.

Dear Professor,

I was wondering if I left behind any spare pieces of parchment or letters at your house?

Harry.

It was a vague message, but he couldn’t outright tell anyone the truth. He wanted to be the first person to read those letters… Everyone else had spent so much time with his parents, and he couldn’t even remember anything about them. But now, with the letters gone, a dark shadow had come over Harry. He spent most of his days moping around the house, leaving Sirius feeling upset (had he done anything? His godfather would whisper to himself).

Downstairs Sirius was watching Harry as he ate his breakfast. Having brought up Harry’s attitude with Remus the previous day, he was met with only a half answer as to why Harry was acting like this. Sirius was not stupid, he could tell that even Remus thought that Harry was happier at Snape’s. As a godfather he tried his hardest to keep Harry entertained and happy, however he soon realised it was all for nothing. Sirius’ mood was becoming sour as the days wore on. Because he made Grimmauld Place a safe house for Harry, Order Headquarters had moved to another undisclosed location. Sirius was however house bound, meaning that he was not allowed to attend order meetings. Remus tried his best to come over and discuss what had happened at said meetings. This was not what Sirius thought life living with Harry would be like. Having had enough of Harry’s attitude, he confronted the boy again.

“I’ve had enough Harry, I ask you what is wrong, and you never tell me the truth. So, I want right here and now, for you to tell me exactly what is going on. When you used to come over every week you were so excited, but after living here, from the second day you have been nothing but miserable. If you want to stay with Snape I won’t hold that against you, just stop acting like this; it’s depressing.” Sirius finished with a huff.

After hearing his godfathers rant, Harry couldn’t tell whether or not he felt more miserable or angry at the fact that Sirius thought the atmosphere was depressing. Not being able to hold anything back, Harry finally let out all his pent-up anger.

“Depressed? DEPRESSED!! YOU KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE LAST YEAR, YOU! YOU WERE DEPRESSED, AND EVERYONE HAD TO PUT UP WITH IT.” Gulping back some air Harry continued to rant, only this time he started to lower his voice as he became more and more emotional. 

“I can’t help being upset, I’ve lost something that means more to me than anything that I own. I’ve been trying to find it, but it’s gone. I even asked Snape to see if I left it at his house, but he said nothing was left; and I don’t know what to do” He finished by bursting into tears.

Sirius was taken aback. He was worried that Harry’s depression was from something worse than merely losing something. 

“Well why didn’t you tell me, I would’ve helped you; what is it you’ve lost?” Sirius asked. 

“That’s just the thing, you can’t help. I asked Kreacher to help, even he couldn’t find it.” 

‘Kreacher is a little untrustworthy’ Sirius commented.

“And as for ‘what is it’, I don’t want to say, it’s personal” Harry finishes vaguely. 

Sirius sighed, looking around the kitchen not knowing what to do or say. Looking back at Harry, he only just realised that Harry never disagreed with him when he asked whether Harry preferred Snape’s. Leaving the table Sirius went up to the study, closed the door; magically locking it.

As the day wore on, Harry realised that he felt much better after yelling at Sirius. All of his anger was gone, what was left was a small bit of sadness. As Sirius was nowhere to be found Harry shrugged his shoulders and sat on one of the couches in the parlour. He thought to himself, at least he had his health. He was so lucky that he was not staying at the Dursley’s these holidays. Staying at Snape’s had truly made him blind to the fact that he could have had a much worse summer. And what had he done? Spent his last remaining holiday time at his godfathers sulking over a lost letter. Deciding that he should go apologise for his outburst earlier, he went upstairs to search for his godfather.

Finding the once closed study door now open Harry poked his head inside. Seeing Sirius at the table, Harry walked into the room.

“I’m really sorry for my outburst Sirius, and for my behaviour over the past week or so” Harry said sheepishly.

Sirius blinked at Harry, only to smile sadly seconds later.

“It’s ok kid. If I had gone through what you have, I would have been acting much worse than that. You seem in a better mood now though?” Harry’s cheeks went red as he smiled.

“Yeh, I feel better after yelling, sorry again.” Sirius waved his hand, standing up to pat Harry on the back. 

After asking Harry what he wanted to do today, Harry asked whether his godfather wanted to cook. Harry could have pretty much asked anything, and Sirius would have granted him his wish. Both godfather and godson made their way back down to the kitchen and spent the whole day cooking. This was an activity that Harry enjoyed at the Dursley’s and Snape’s. After they cooked lunch, they spent most of the day cooking desserts and various other meals.

Sirius had recommended the dishes that they were making; he had an ulterior motive however. Sirius had planned for all of Harry’s close friends to come over for his 16thBirthday. He had instructed Kreacher on what dishes he was to make. However, as Harry like cooking, they might as well make some treats that everyone could enjoy… that is if it didn’t get eaten all tonight. 

After a long day of cooking, talking and lots of laughing they retired that night spent and full. Not able to eat anything else, they both retired early that night. Sirius had slipped Harry a little sleeping draught in order for the boy to fall asleep early. This allowed for himself and Kreacher to decorate the house for Harry’s birthday. This was technically Harry’s first large birthday party. Sirius wanted this to be the most extra event. Hundreds of balloons, streamers etc, he wanted Harry to finish the holidays with him on a good note. 

Spinners End

It was 6:00am and the date was the 31stJuly, the birthday of Harry Potter, the boy who life; but most importantly the boy who was his son. Severus was already up early that morning, and he didn’t even wait for breakfast, he went straight to his liquor cabinet. He didn’t know that today would affect him this way. He felt utterly rotten. The boy had written to him asking whether he left any parchment or letters behind. Obviously, the boy had just realised that he had lost his mother’s letters, and he had blatantly lied to the boy. That could have been the perfect opportunity to finally confess, however, like the coward that he was; he had lied. After finishing nearly a glass of fire whisky, an owl came tapping on the window.

Getting up from his armchair, the potions master swayed towards the window. After snatching the letter from the owl, Severus assessed the writing. Not recognising the writing, Severus cast a few spells to make sure that it wasn’t a death eater trying to curse him. Seeing as there was no curse on the letter Severus sat back down in his chair and opened the letter. His eyebrows were lost in his hairline after he read who the sender was.

Snape,

It’s no secret that I don’t like you. However, I can see that you had/have Harry’s best interests at heart. Remus told me, but I guess my mind was just clouded with hate for you. Harry has been nothing but depressed, he holes himself up in his room, only to come down for dinner. I sat down this morning to ask him what was wrong, and he screamed the house saying that he had lost something (but never disclosed what this something was). In all honesty, I believe this to be a cry for help, and that he is hiding his true emotions. When he would come over for 1-2 days at a time he was fine, however living at Grimmauld Place has made him upset; which is an understatement. 

I can’t believe I am saying this, but I AM ONLY SAYING THIS because I love Harry, and only want the best for him. I can tell he preferred staying with you, and I honestly wouldn’t be a good godfather if I let him live with me much longer. I mean it’s different because he is going to school now, but what happens after and the Christmas holidays are around the corner? I feel as if him staying with me was all too sudden and a little forced. If you would allow it, I would like for Harry to have the choice of coming to live with you.

I know this is a lot to ask, however you have the whole semester to think about it. If Harry does decide he prefers staying with you, I’m sure his staying at your house will also extend to the summer holidays. Although I expect to see him at least 2 times per week; the usual terms and conditions as this summer.

I would never think of asking this of you, however I can tell that your attitude towards Harry has changed; you’re not so much of a bastard. 

This doesn’t mean I think you’re NOT a bastard, just less of bastard.

P.s, It’s Harry’s birthday today, not that I’m inviting you to come over for tea or anything. Just thought I’d let you know, I think he would be happy hearing from you.

Regards,

Sirius

After reading the letter Severus went over to the basement and retrieved a sober up potion. After sculling it, he went back upstairs and re-read the letter, just to make sure that his drunkenness had made him read falsely. After re-reading the letter for the third time, the potions master was shocked. Without having any time to think about Sirius’ letter, the floo rang. Looking towards the fireplace Severus saw the headmaster step out. The headmaster was still dressed in his nightgown and robe clad in slippers, however Severus saw that the headmaster was clutching something. With dread Severus looked from what Albus was clutching to his face.

“Severus I think we need to have a serious chat” The headmaster said whilst brandishing the letter he was holding; Lily’s letter. 

Severus gulped and beckoned for the headmaster to follow him into the kitchen.

Grimmauld Place 

All the clocks chimed when the tall hand reached 12. It was now 8:00am and Grimmauld Place had never looked so festive. Harry was stirring in his bed, not yet fully conscious. The door to his bedroom creaked open softly. Instead of feet, 4 small patters could be heard. The light poured into the room further and further, until it reached Harry’s bed. Reaching over to the bedside table, Harry sleepily put on his glasses and yawned. Rolling onto his side, Harry frowned, he could hear some movement from within the room. Just as he was about to reach for his wand, something came flying at him; Harry yelping with fright. Padfoot began jumping up and down on the bed whilst licking Harry’s face; making Harry laugh. After 5 minutes of this assault, Padfoot stopped licking his godson. He bit Harry’s pyjama sleeve whilst trying to drag Harry out of bed; indicating that Harry was to get up. 

“Alright, alright, I’m up, I’m up!” Harry continued laughing. He slid on his slippers, following the excited dog down the stairs. 

As soon as he reached the second floor, all he could see were balloons and streamers littered across every corner of the house. Pushing streamers aside Harry descended to the kitchen, where the decorations had subsided a little. As Padfoot was faster, he was now in his human form sitting at the table. The table to Harry’s amazement was filled with every type of breakfast dish imaginable; Kreacher had obviously spent all morning cooking these dishes. After sitting down at the table, Sirius motioned for Harry to start eating. Whilst Harry piled on a little of every dish, Sirius left the room only to return a moment later with a lump of presents. After setting them on a chair, due to the table being full of food, he passed the first parcel to Harry. Putting his fork down, Harry stood up taking the gift from his godfather; who then embraced his godson in a long hug. 

Sitting back down, Harry held the first gift in his hands; which was rather bulky. Tearing open the paper Harry saw that 4 books were wrapped as one gift. The first was a potions book, the next a transfiguration, herbology and charms book. Looking between all the books, Harry went to thank his godfather; however, was interrupted. 

“Don’t worry kid, I’m not some boring uncle to buy you Hogwarts books for your birthday. But I thought you would appreciate these specific books; open them all to the front page” 

Harry opened the potions book to the first page. In a faded, but still visible scrawl, Harry read the name Lily Potter. Quickly opening the other textbooks, Harry realised that 2 were from his mother and 2 from his father; the letters James Potter etched in the transfiguration and herbology textbook.

Sirius went on to tell Harry that these were his parent’s textbooks when they were in their 6thyear; which Harry would now be able to use this upcoming year. After thanking his godfather profusely for such precious presents, Sirius motioned for Harry to open the rest of his gifts. 

Harry continued to open up his bunch of presents, whilst stopping every now and then to eat a few mouthfuls of food. Sitting back in his chair, Harry thanked merlin that his pyjamas had a drawstring waist band; because his stomach was ready to explode. 

He had received various candy’s, new quidditch gear as well as his very own golden snitch. The best gift was that his godfather had bought him the newest Firebolt. Harry had blabbered on, saying that he didn’t need a new broom, Sirius merely flicked his wrist as if trying to shoo away a fly. After crawling back upstairs with a heavy stomach and a hand full of gifts, Harry went about putting his presents away. Harry quickly had a shower and got dressed into a dressier top, but still settled with a pair of black jeans. An outfit that professor Snape had selected for him. 

As the clock rang midday, Harry heard the floo flair. Running downstairs Harry greeted his first guest, to his surprise; it was Neville. Harry did not know who would be coming, considering Sirius had planned this surprise party.

Clapping Neville on the back and thanking him for coming they retreated to the other lounge room; waiting for the other guests. 

Finally, everyone was gathered in Harry’s bedroom upstairs, Ron and Ginny were sitting on the bed, Hermione on the chair, Harry and Neville on the floor. Each of his friends were interrogating him, asking him how his summer was and what he did here with Sirius. Harry was trying very hard not to stumble and give himself away. He had told his friends that he was at Grimmauld Place and had stayed here the whole summer. Truthfully however these holidays had been very eventful. From living with Snape, then his manor burning to the ground by death eaters. Snape being found as a spy, both of them moving to Spinners End; then himself moving back in with his godfather. He got dizzy just thinking about all that happened this summer. 

“So, who do you think will be teaching DADA this year? They’ve got to be better than Umbridge” Ron asked.

“Maybe Moody will come back, he was ok” Ginny stated.

“He’s much too busy with his current job, I doubt he will come back to teaching… And technically he never did teach us in the first place” Hermione drifted off, looking around Harry’s bedroom. 

At this point, they had all eaten a large lunch, Harry having also opened his presents. Neville had bought him a Chinese Chomping Cabbage plant in which he knew nothing about, but luckily, he had also been gifted a book on how to care for it.  Hermione had bought Harry a record player, as well as a few vinyls. What was interesting, was that one of the 3 was on meditation. After reading the back, Harry was impressed and quite glad for such a present. Hermione and all of his friends knew that he struggled to sleep at night, as his dreams were more or less always nightmares. The vinyl contained rainwater sounds, the beach and other calming sounds; it was a gift that would definitely be used constantly. Ron’s gift comprised of a quidditch banner (with a note attached telling him to hang it in his new bedroom), and a broom maintenance kit. Ginny had gifted Harry with an assortment of Honeydukes treats, cauldron cakes and an extra-large packet of chocolate frogs. After spending a fair bit of time with his friends they all went back into the kitchen as more guests decided to come. Harry counted all the new people to come to Grimmauld Place: Hagrid, Remus, Tonks, Moody, Professor McGonagall as well as Professor Dumbledore. Harry smiled and greeted everyone; thanking them for coming. Harry was quick to realise that a certain professor was not here, he must be busy; Harry surmised. Dumbledore was talking to Remus in the corner, however his eyes would dart to Harry every so often; which did not go unnoticed by Sirius. 

Molly Weasley eventually shushed everyone, bringing out a large home-made birthday cake. It was coloured in a forest green, with 3 goals posts stuck in the middle. Flying around the cake was a black-haired boy on a broom chasing after a golden snitch. Harry stood at the head of the table whilst everyone began singing Happy Birthday. After blowing out the candles Harry made a wish, after opening his eyes he knew that it didn’t come true. Sighing internally, Harry smiled at everyone and cut the cake. Mrs Weasley took over the duty of distributing the pieces of cake. Harry and his friends sat down at the kitchen table happily munching away, sighing in content as they licked the icing off of their spoons. 

Spinners End (Pre- Harry’s Birthday Party)

“Severus, I think we need to have a serious chat” The headmaster said.

Severus gulped, “Where did you get that?”.

“Oh, it was delivered to me at 5:00am this morning. I didn’t see who delivered it, however upon reading the letter it was quite obvious. Lily had used magic to deliver this letter on this specific day at a specific time. I read it all Severus, 3 times in fact.” Dumbledore placed Lily’s letter onto a table and walked over to Severus; to stand in-front of him.

Severus shrunk back a little seeing his headmasters predatory walk. 

“There is only one thing that I need to say to you” The headmaster was now right in-front of Severus. Severus flinched thinking the professor was about to physically insult him. However, the headmaster grabbed the potion master’s shoulders and pulled him into a hug.

“I am so sorry” They stood there for a little while, eventually Severus had tears running down his face. The professor never let go, only tightening his grip when Severus’ shoulders started to shake; the tears beginning to flow. 

After what felt like forever they separated, Dumbledore leading the distressed man to the kitchen table. Accio’ing some firewisky, they both sat there silently sipping their liquor.  

“In Lily’s letter she said that you would have already gotten the letter. At least now, I fully understand your reaction when Harry went to go live with Sirius. I take it you have your previous memories rightly restored?”

“Yes, everything is back as it was.”

“And how are you feeling?”

“I, I can’t explain it” Severus said, looking into the distance, his mind drifting off. 

The headmaster was patient, waiting for Severus to find the right words.

“It’s strange, I feel two things at once. I feel happiness, passion and love; so much love for Harry. Then, I feel loathing amongst other feelings of revulsion. I feel conflicted, I have two memories, two ways that I see the world; and it’s just strange. It’s been tough, thinking about a life without Harry, however he is Happy with his godfather… well so I thought.” Severus went over to the kitchen bench and retrieved Sirius’ letter.

Handing it over to Dumbledore, the headmaster sat back reading in anticipation. His eyebrows raised when reading certain parts. 

“Well, it seems that Sirius has a more mature mindset. And what did you reply to his letter?”

“Nothing, I have not had any time to properly think about things. What… how would I… I wouldn’t know what to tell him, where would I start?”

“Normally at the beginning. What I do know, is that you should do it sooner than later. Letting things linger will not be good in the long run.” Seeing the deflated potions master the headmaster put a hand on Severus’ shoulder. 

Getting up, the headmaster smiled sadly at his colleague and walked over to the floo. Remembering he had one more thing to tell Severus, he poked his head through to the kitchen again. Severus had his head in hands as he leaned on the table.

“Oh, and Severus, it would be good if you attended Harry’s birthday party today; I know he would want you there” Just as the headmaster was about to leave. Severus shot out of his chair at bullet speed.

“Please, if I don’t come, please take this to the party” Severus handed over a thin wrapped parcel to the headmaster. Dumbledore tried to tell Severus to take it himself, however not wanting to further argue took the book. And with that, Severus was once again alone. 

Grimmauld Place (Harry’s Birthday: Present time)

The day had been magical, Harry had never remembered feeling more loved. Having never had a birthday party this was a moment for the books. It had irked him that Snape wasn’t there. After everything that happened this summer he thought that the man would at least come for a few minutes. Obviously, he had been too much trouble this summer, and the professor wanted a break; a Harry free break. Sighing, Harry made a beeline to the presents table. Having already opened his friends’ gifts, there were a few left from the adults. There were two gifts left, one from the headmaster then one than didn’t have a name. Opening the one with no name tag first, he ripped open the brown paper. Turning the book over in his hands, it was a tattered copy of ‘The Giraffe and the Pelly and me’ by Roald Dahl. Harry thought this was a very bizarre book. Flipping the book to the back he read the blurb “about a young boy Billy, who meets a giraffe, pelican and money who work as window cleaners”. At reading this Harry laughed, what a weird gift. Flipping the pages Harry stopped and quickly flipped back to the second page, there was an inscription, Lily Evens.

Harry stopped he was in awe, this book had belonged to his mother! Looking on the other side of the page was a long note; the writing was small and cramped. 

Dear Harry.

Happy 16thBirthday.

As you can see this book once belonged to your mother.

It fell into my possession many years ago, however it should now be rightfully returned to you, her son.

This was your mothers favourite book as a child.

Here’s hoping it makes you laugh, as much as it did your mother.

Love,

Your father

Harry stood there clutching the book to his chest. He was confused, and his mind was racing a million miles per hour. Why would his dad, how could his dad… it was weird Harry thought. Walking upstairs with the book still clutched in his hands. He went to retrieve the letter that Snape had previously written to him a while back.

Opening his school trunk, he rummaged through until he found the letter. Looking back and forth from the professor’s letter and his ‘fathers’ inscription on his mothers’ book. Harry heard a creak and looked towards his closed bedroom door. After the party Sirius was so tired that he retired early that night. Harry was the only person awake, besides creature; but he was an elf.

Looking back at the note and book, Harry jumped, scared as something light brushed over his head. Looking up then down, Harry saw that a letter had fallen from nowhere; and it now laid on the ground.

Eyes round, Harry knew this letter all too well. This was the letter that gave him nightmares, the one that was ‘lost’. With shaking hands, Harry picked up the letter, turning it over then ripping the top of it. He took his time reading it. The first time, he did not believe what he had read. Reading it a second time, to make sure that he wasn’t going crazy. After the fifth time reading the letter Harry was beyond distraught, he had tears running down his face. He crumbled to the ground feeling grief wash over him. After sitting still for 20 minutes, Harry felt a wave of anger wash over him. Without thinking about what he was doing, Harry ran out of the room. Rushing down the stairs Harry threw in the floo powder, the flames enveloping him. 

Once he landed at Spinners End, Harry madly look back and forth to see if anyone was in the lounge room, he tore through the kitchen; also seeing no one. On his way back to the lobby, Harry happened to look at an old grandfather clock; the time reading 1:00am. Looking at the stairs, Harry ran up them; still in a haze of anger. He looked at the open door, his old bedroom and felt glued to the floor. He was breathing very hard and had a crazed look in his eyes. Without a second though he turned on the spot facing what he knew to be the professor’s bedroom. He stood there for a second, however that only made his situation worst. Coming over here had been an impulse, however now his feelings were true and personal. What he was about to do, he wanted to do.

Using as much force as possible Harry kicked the door down into the Professors room. Having kicked the door in the correct point, it had most definitely smashed open, and it was also hanging off of one hinge. The professor had had an early night and went to sleep early. However, as Harry smashed the door open Severus shot up in bed.

“DID YOU KNOW BEFORE? HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN, YOU BASTARD!”

As Harry screamed this, from the professor’s point of view the intruder was completely covered in darkness. There was no light shining showing the intruders true face. Severus having been a spy for years, had developed stealth; meaning he always was ready for a fight. Pulling his wand from under his pillow he did the only thing that came to his mind at 1:05am. A spell in which he knew would take down an intruder, a spell for enemies. 

Slicing his wand through the air, the intruder hit the ground with a loud thump. His screams shrieking to a higher pitch as the spell struck him. Having just awoken from sleep Severus could not hear a word that was being screamed at him. All besides the last “Bastard”.

Swiftly getting up, and lighting all the lights, his blood ran cold, seeing his sons blood running all over the floor. The Sectumsempra spell having cut him on his chest, very close to the neck. Severus fell on the ground grabbing for his boy. However, as he went to him, Harry tried valiantly to shift away, muttering in a broken voice “I hate you”. 

Severus finally registered what the boy had been saying the moment his eyes met the now bloody letter still clutched like a lifeline in Harry’s hand.