Calamity by MellarkandArt

Harry stumbled through the castle, making his way down to the dungeons. He wasn’t sure where Snape’s quarters were, but they had to be down there somewhere. Maybe if he pounded on his office door hard enough he would answer? Professor McGonagall’s quarters were attached to her office, after all.

Harry hovered at Snape’s office door for a moment before knocking a couple of times. He wasn’t as aggressive about it as his mind was demanding, but he was firm. He waited a few minutes and was about to try again when the door opened and a sleepy-looking Snape appeared.

Harry gawked at him just a bit, surprised to see his normally well put together professor in such a state of disarray… but then, Harry had just disturbed him in the middle of the night and despite popular student belief, he obviously wasn’t a vampire. Harry suddenly felt very guilty. Snape had been telling Harry lately that he was available at any time… still, the man probably hadn’t had 2 AM in mind when he said it…

Snape blinked a few times before rasping a “Harry? Are you okay?”

“I, I, uh-”

Snape blinked a couple more times before seeming to wake up completely. “Come in,” he muttered.

Harry almost turned away and ran then, remembering how the Snape in his nightmare wanted nothing more than to be rid of him. But this Snape only opened the door wider when Harry didn’t move, and so Harry made himself walk inside and follow Snape through another door.

Harry had expected Snape’s quarters to be dark and dreary, and while it was dark before Snape waved his wand to turn on some lights, it was far from dreary. If it had been anyone else’s quarters, Harry might have even used the word cozy in his description.

As it was, it was Snape’s quarters, and Harry found it to hold a certain aesthetic pleasure. The walls were green, but not Slytherin green. Just a pale shade of green. It was a fairly open floor plan, a living room with a couch and two armchairs, a small kitchen, and a couple of doors presumably leading to a bedroom and bathroom.

Snape interrupted his internal survey of the quarters as he led him over to sit on the couch. Snape himself took a seat in one of the armchairs, studying Harry intently.

Harry squirmed under his gaze, struggling with his words. He was sure Snape was wondering just what the hell he was doing showing up at his office at two in the morning, but he said nothing as he waited for Harry to speak first.

“Professor,” Harry began, “you said in your - er - note to come to you if I needed more Dreamless Sleep potion.”

Snape blinked, likely wondering why this couldn’t wait until at least nine in the morning, before nodding slowly. “I did.”

Harry bit his lip. This was a lot harder than it had seemed twenty minutes ago when he had woken from the nightmare and was on an adrenaline rush. “Well, I do. Need more, that is.”

“I suppose that isn’t exactly what I wrote, now is it?” Snape questioned, a worried frown creasing his brows.

It was Harry’s turn to blink. “Erm, I couldn’t quote it, but I’m pretty sure that’s what it said.”

Snape sighed. “I said to come to me if you felt you still needed it. I did not say that I would give you more.”

“Oh,” Harry said, blushing. “I mean, I’ll pay you for it of course, I didn’t think about it-”

“Harry,” Snape said, looking truly pained now. “No, I don’t… that’s not what I meant. The potion is addictive, and considering how fast you went through the first vial, I don’t believe that it would be a good idea to give you more.”

Harry felt the beginnings of panic creeping on the edge of his consciousness. “Then why did you want me to come to you, then?”

“Because, if you were still struggling with nightmares enough to be willing to ask me for more potion, I thought that you might need someone to talk to about it.”

“Well, I asked Madam Pomfrey for some and she didn’t hide any secret messages on the label,” Harry snapped, not realizing what he was saying before it had already come out of his mouth.

Snape’s eyes darkened. “You mean to tell me that you’ve been through at least two months worth of the potion in one month?”

Harry looked away.

Snape almost seemed to growl. “When I told you no more than three doses a week, I meant it!”

Harry truly didn’t know how to keep his mouth shut for long periods of time, so he found himself retorting, “Madam Pomfrey said twice a week, so you were already overdosing me!”

“I happen to be a potions master as well as a healer and I made a judgment for you specifically, as I know quite a bit about your tolerance for how much of what potions you can take. The third dose is often saved in case of emergency should it be needed in the hospital, but many healers agree that should it come to that, a fourth dose would not be harmful. A fifth and sixth dose, however-”

“I need the potion, Professor! I can’t sleep without it!” Harry interrupted.

“As I was saying,” Snape continued with a glare in Harry’s direction, “You are not actually sleeping with the potion at this point. You are simply overdosing yourself into unconsciousness and you are clearly exhausted because of it. I should have noticed...”

“Well, I’m still not sleeping without it,” Harry said, determined.

Snape rolled his eyes. “I suspect that eventually, you will not have a choice in the matter.”

“What, are you going to force me to sleep?” Harry asked angrily.

“No,” Snape said calmly. “I simply meant that the body has needs and it will sleep whether you want it to or not.”

Harry frowned, knowing Snape was right. That was what happened that night, after all, but even in exhaustion, his mind managed to create a nightmare.

“The dreams, I… I can’t make them stop. Not without the potion.”

Snape stood and came over to sit next to Harry on the couch, causing him to squirm a bit at the close proximity.

“I do want to help you, Harry, but the potion is addictive, as you clearly have experienced. I can not give you more.”

“Maybe I’ll just ask Madam Pomfrey for more, then,” Harry huffed, crossing his arms.

Snape scowled. “Then I will simply have to inform her that you have become addicted and must have limited access to the potion.”

“That’s not fair!” Harry exclaimed. “You can’t just waltz in and control-”

“Actually, I can. I am sorry, but this is for your own good. Perhaps you have forgotten the matter in which we discussed. Regardless of your understandable rejection, I simply can not watch my child-”

“Stop with that! I am not your child, I never have been and I never will be!” Harry burst out as his insecurities from the dream resurfaced.

“Biologically speaking you have always been-”

“I don’t- I don’t care about blood! Blood has been nothing but bad to me! Blood means nothing! Blood locks you in a cupboard and doesn’t feed you, doesn’t let you out for days and when it eventually does it’s not to care for you it’s to h-hit you a t-treat you like a house elf and-” his voice was trembling as his vision blurred with tears.

He then experienced the almost foreign feeling of someone pulling him close and holding him. His first instinct was to shove the arms off him, but they wouldn’t budge. Harry was being hugged by Snape and he hated it but he didn’t hate it and he didn’t want to be comforted but he was being comforted. He wanted to kick and scream and run away but he had been doing so much of that lately and he was just so tired...

“I-I don’t need you,” he practically whined but latched on to Snape’s night robes regardless. “I don’t need anyone.”

“Perhaps you don’t. You are indeed very capable of taking care of yourself. But you do not have to. You do not have to struggle alone,” said Snape.

“It hurt so much,” Harry whimpered, throwing all caution to the wind. “Knowing that no matter how hard I tried they would never love me… I, I tried so hard to make them love me but they just wouldn’t. They would shower Dudley in hugs and kisses but they wouldn’t even touch me unless it was to hit me. And you- you’ve been so cruel to me and now you tell me that you’re my father and y-you couldn’ve, you should’ve…”

“I know,” Snape murmured, rubbing little circles on Harry’s back. “I know I wasn’t there before. And Harry, I would have been. If I had known… but I am trying to be here now. You just have to let me…”

“I don’t know how,” Harry sniffled, his flow of tears increasing by the second.

“It’s okay. You don’t know how to be a son and I clearly don’t know how to be a father. But we’ll learn together.”

“I-I can’t.”

“You can. I knew your mother, Harry, don’t forget. She would not want you to suffer like this.”

“My mother is dead,” Harry said, sobbing by now. “I’ve never had anyone.”

“You do now,” Snape whispered in his ear, moving his hand from Harry’s back to his hair. “You have me now. You don’t have to do this alone anymore.”

Harry didn’t really believe him, not yet. But he was there now, and while Harry might not need someone, he knew that in the deepest, darkest part of his soul, he did sort of want someone. So he curled up closer to his potions professor/father and in his arms fell into a dreamless sleep.

***

Severus stroked his son’s hair, feeling his breathing deepening as he drifted off to sleep.

He hadn’t wanted a breakdown, but he had anticipated one. It was perhaps necessary. He was a bit shocked and maybe just a little bit pleased that Harry had come to him in the event of one.

Even if he had only come for the potion… Severus scowled, more at himself than the boy sleeping in his arms. He shouldn’t have expected a thirteen year old with as many issues to sort out as Harry not to abuse the potion. Once again, too much was expected of this child.

His child, his precious child… How could Severus have ever been so cruel to him? He was unbelievably cute in sleep, looking like Lily now more than ever before. And well, maybe there was even a touch of Severus in there… the less, the better, he thought bitterly, though there was a small sense of pride churning inside of him at the thought that it could show that Severus had assisted in the creation of this child, this child born out of love and who had been so neglected and abused and Severus was most certainly going to have to kill the Dursleys.

If only it wouldn’t guarantee him a prison cell in Azkaban, he would do it… but he wasn’t going to abandon Harry, not again, not now that they had finally found each other.

He picked up his kid, his kid, and carried him over to the guest bedroom. Gently placing him down on the sheets, he pulled the duvet over him and tucked him in. He plucked off the glasses and set them on the night table. Not going to sleep without the potion, hm? Severus smirked to himself, staring down at the angelic form who was dead to the world for a moment before sighing.

“So many burdens,” Severus murmured as he brushed a stray lock of hair away from Harry’s eyes, revealing the scar on his forehead. “So many scars you shouldn’t have…”

Severus mused for a moment longer before summoning something from his room, a stuffed lion Lily had given to him as a gag gift many, many years ago. She’d joked that one day they would have many children and she would make certain to give them all lion stuffies, somehow ensuring their placement in Gryffindor. He in turn gave her a stuffed snake, which had likely been blown to bits in Godric’s Hollow along with everything else besides Harry. If she had kept it, anyway. Perhaps she had blown it to bits herself...

Severus had stored the stuffed lion away the day he had first met Harry in Diagon Alley, but he never could bring himself to throw it out. He was very glad now that he hadn’t. He and Lily only ended up having one child, but that was more than Severus could have ever imagined during these last few years… and that child had of course ended up in Gryffindor.

Severus stared at the lion for a moment before placing it on the bed near the boy. Maybe Harry was a bit old for it, but well… Severus suspected he’d never had such a thing growing up, anyway. He was likely to appreciate having one now.

“I’m going to be a good father,” Severus promised softly as he ran a hand through Harry’s hair. “Somehow, I will do better by you. You deserve the world, and somehow, someway… I will give it to you.”

He leaned down and hesitantly placed a chaste kiss over the scar on his son’s forehead before turning away and exiting the room to fall into his own bed, not noticing the green eyes opening and watching him as he left.

***

Harry sleepily watched his father leave the room before his hands reached out to clutch the stuffed lion. He didn’t know why the Head of Slytherin would have such a thing, but Harry had never had a stuffie before and he certainly wasn’t going to question it now.

Closing his eyes again, he felt a strange yet peaceful sense of contentment wash over him. Maybe, somehow, everything will work out in the end...