Scattered Fragments of Illusion by MellarkandArt

The ringing of the bell vibrated harshly in his ears.

Harry breathed heavily through his mouth, trying to quell the dizzying sensation taking over his senses. Once he had gathered his bearings, he turned to see that Alex had left without him. He ran outside, to the playground, to the tree, which was where she was. Her back turned to him, head held in her hands. Auburn hair blew in the wind across her face, the way she hated, but she made no attempt to prevent it from continuing.

Harry climbed up the tree and sat next to her, not knowing what to say.

Alex sniffled, face still hidden against her palms. “Yes. Is that what you want to hear?”

Harry shook his head, though she couldn’t see him as she was currently positioned. “No. That’s not what I wanted to hear. But why… why didn’t you tell me?”

Alex pulled her hands away from her face and turned her blue eyes, reddened with tears, to glare at him. “What did you expect me to say? ‘Hey, by the way, just in case you didn’t catch it, my stepfather molests me!’”

Harry flinched at the blunt wording, turning away from her eyes. “I- I don’t know. I just… I don’t know what to say.”

“Do you pity me now?” Alex asked with a violent sounding edge to her voice. Harry shook his head firmly.

“No. I don’t. I… I just… I don’t know. We need to tell someone.”

“We don’t need to do anything. This is none of your business.”

“None of my business?! Alex, you’re my best friend! How am I supposed to just stand by and be okay with this?”

“I’m not asking you to be okay with it, I’m asking you to keep out of it. You don’t understand, Harry. It just isn’t as simple as going to the cops and telling them… My mother is in rehab. I don’t even know who my father is. Emerson is all I have.”

“And you deserve better than him!”

“Haven’t you been listening to me? There is no one else!”

“I think that no one is better than someone who treats you so bad!”

“Then why do you stay with your relatives, hm?”

Harry turned back to face her, glaring. “That is entirely beside the point.”

“No, it isn’t!” Alex exclaimed. “They treat you like shit!”

“They don’t molest me!”

“At least Emerson feeds me!”

“Oh and that’s so preferable…”

“Harry, just, just shut up! You don’t even know what you’re talking about, so just shut up.”

If there was one thing Harry had a talent for, it was keeping his mouth shut. Sometimes he had to be reminded to do it, sure, but he could keep it closed for as long until he was told otherwise. He stared hard at the tree bark, the inside of his cheek held firmly in between his molars.

After a long period of silence, where they both took the time to cool themselves down, Alex spoke up softly. “One is not worse than the other. It… we don’t exactly have any other options. We’re stuck with the guardians we have and that’s just the way it has to be. My mom will be out of rehab before too long, anyway. I’ll be okay until then. And you can keep eating at my house, so we’ll both be fine.”

Harry didn’t agree, not exactly. He didn’t think that it was anywhere near fine as it was. But Alex was right. They didn’t really have any other options.

***

They walked back to Privet Drive that day in a melancholy quiet. Alex stopped abruptly at #4.

“I… can we skip homework time today?” asked Alex. “I’m not mad at you or anything I just… kind of want to be alone right now.”

Harry hesitated. “Will you really be alone?”

Alex nodded. “Yeah. He’s out today.”

“Well… okay. If you’re sure.”

“I am. Thanks, Harry.” She then did something that she had never done before- she pulled him into a hug.

Harry was momentarily winded as he had the absolutely pathetic realization that he had never been hugged before, not that he could remember, anyway. God, how he loathed himself.

He wrapped his arms around his friend’s waist, relishing in the feeling of her warmth against his own. It was over before he could really comprehend that it had even happened, and he watched as Alex continued on her way.

He faced his own walkway and made his way up it. It had been a while since he had gotten back from school this early, and it felt strange. He noticed Uncle Vernon peering through the window curtains and gulped. He forgot that Uncle Vernon had the day off from work. Because he had sold a shite ton of drills or something like that.

He opened the front door and tried to swiftly slip into his cupboard, but Uncle Vernon’s meaty hand on his shoulder stopped him in his tracks. “Who was that girl you were with outside?”

“Alexandra Carpiniello,” said Harry, “she’s tutoring me in maths, remember?”

“Mmm,” Uncle Vernon grunted more than hummed. “She a freak like you?”

“I wouldn’t know, I don’t usually ask people if they’re freaks or not upon meeting them,” Harry responded smartly, or stupidly as it was a very stupid thought to vocalize. Maybe he wasn’t so talented at keeping his mouth shut after all.

***

Harry traced the picture hanging in his cupboard. It was the one Alex had given him months ago, and he had hung it in the darkest corner with a small bit of sellotape he had claimed to Aunt Petunia that he yet again needed to keep his glasses together.

It was weird how a tree branch could feel more like home than his actual supposed home.

Harry knew that he did a lot of bad things, knew that he was was a lot of bad things. He was a liar first and foremost, as he lied to himself on a daily basis and didn’t hesitate to share those lies with others, and he made freaky things happen, and even if he usually didn’t mean to, every now and then he did mean it.

He sat up on his cot and focused hard on his hands, creating a small ball of light as if to prove to himself that these things were real and to remind himself that they were freaky, therefore making him a freak.

But as Harry lay back down on the cot in the fetal position and pulled his threadbare blanket over himself, he thought that even freaks probably shouldn’t be treated like this. Some of the things his relatives did were simply barbaric. All because he could produce a ball of light in the palm of his hands.

Surely not everyone could be so cruel?

***

“I wanna show you something,” Harry murmured. As usual, they were sitting high up in the oak tree. He turned his back on the playground and faced the opposite direction, Alex following his actions.

“O-kay,” said Alex. “What is it?”

“Close your eyes.”

“Why?”

“I can’t do it when you’re staring at me like that, just close your eyes.”

“Fine.”

Harry took a deep breath and focused hard on the palms of his hands. It took a lot of concentration, but he managed to produce a ball of light. He had never tried it outside of his cupboard, so it was a bit of an impressive feat.

“Okay,” Harry said quietly. “Open your eyes.”

Alex’s eyelids fluttered open and then he saw her pupils dilate drastically. Her mouth formed in the shape of an O and she tilted her head as if to spot the trick. “Wha… how are you doing that?”

Harry shrugged and shook away the light. “I don’t know, really. I just can.”

Her eyebrows furrowed, but she didn’t look horrified or terrified, and she didn’t shriek and yell about him being a freak.

“Maybe you’re like a… a warlock, or something?” she suggested, and Harry had to make an effort to prevent himself from shuddering at such a magical word. But she didn’t seem disturbed by the idea, simply… interested. Maybe she was really okay with it?

“Aren’t warlocks, like, really old with long beards and stuff?” Harry asked, laughing hesitantly.

“Yeah, but… well, they have to start somewhere, I imagine.”

“I suppose,” Harry relented. “Still, warlocks aren’t real, are they?”

“Um. I dunno,” Alex said, biting her lip. “Normally I’d agree, but… you just did something fairly supernatural just now.”

“Yeah, I guess… so you… you don’t think it’s weird or anything?”

Alex snorted. “Are you kidding? Of course it’s weird. But it isn’t bad, if that’s what you mean. I think it’s wicked cool.”

“Really?” Harry hated the vulnerability just in that simple word. He hated that he needed reassurance. There was a time not so very long ago when he didn’t need anything from anyone, and now he was so ridiculously dependent on this one single person sitting beside him.

“Really. Is… is that why they don’t like you much?”

There was no question as to who “they” referred to, just as “he” didn’t require a name. The monsters who lived in their subconscious and violated their physical beings, the active prevention of joy. Harry nodded.

“That’s why they hate me. I mean, they’ve never said so explicitly, not that I can remember, but it’s pretty obvious. I do freaky things when I don’t mean to sometimes, but it doesn’t matter if it’s an accident. They punish me for something I can’t prevent and won’t tell me how to stop it, or explain why it happens.”

Alex frowned. “That’s weird. They’re the freaky ones if you ask me, I mean it all sounds incredibly cool to me. Who knows what you’re capable of, who wouldn’t want powers like that?”

“Normal people like the Dursleys…”

“Oh, am I not normal, then?” Alex smirked. “I’d love to have superpowers of any kind. Is there anything else you can do, like not as an accident?”

Harry hesitated for a second before nodding. “Yes…” he reached out and took her hand, holding it gently in his own. “Do you trust me?”

“Of course I do,” she said, staring down at their enclosed hands. “Why?”

“Well…” Harry had never done this with another person before, but something deep inside of himself told him that it would work.

He looked over his shoulder and scanned the playground behind them, making certain that no one was watching them. He had gotten in so much trouble the first time he had done this, before he had learned how to climb a tree. He didn’t mean to do it then, but it didn’t matter. He had ended up on the school roof with no valid explanation as to why. “It just happened” was never reason enough.

Harry held tightly onto Alex’s hand, closing his eyes and focusing intently on their destination. “I can do this,” he said to her as they disappeared from their place in the tree with a pop, ending up at the park in Little Whinging.

The trip was not a smooth one, as he had felt like he had been squeezed through a tube and didn’t really want to imagine how it must have felt for Alex, but they had made it there in one piece.

He opened his eyes as he felt Alex stumble into him, and struggled to maintain his own balance. She breathed heavily into his chest for a long moment before slowly lifting her head, eyes taking note of their location.

“Oh my God,” she breathed. “Did… did we just teleport?”

Harry hadn’t really thought of a name for it, but that one did seem to fit well. “I think so.”

“Holy crap…” She pushed herself off of him shakily and looked wildly around their surroundings, as if not quite fully believing what had just occurred.

“Do you think you’ll be okay to make it back?” Harry asked nervously, knowing that morning recess was ending soon and they would be late for school if they didn’t hurry.

“Mmm. Yeah. Yeah, I’ll be okay.”

“Alright,” he said, taking both of her hands this time, hoping to somehow lessen the impact for her. It seemed to work, as she was a bit more steady on her feet when they arrived on the ground back at school, hidden by the thickness of the tree.

They grinned at one another once they were breathing normally again. The bell rang and they casually followed their classmates into the school, as if they hadn’t just teleported across town and back.

***

Summer had approached them quickly, and before they knew it school was out. This brought some changes to Alex and Harry’s schedules as the latter no longer required the tutoring he had supposedly been receiving from Alex.

Harry had worried that this would mean that they wouldn’t be able to see one another very much despite the fact that they were neighbors, but as Uncle Vernon still worked during the day and Aunt Petunia certainly didn’t want him around just for the heck of it, as long as he had his chores completed he was free to escape to #10.

Afternoons spent at Alex’s house tended to be awkward when Emerson was there. He left them alone for the most part, but on the occasions when he would enter into a room that the two friends were in, Harry experienced such a fierce surge of anger, he was sometimes afraid that it couldn’t be tamed.

Anger was a useless emotion that would get him nowhere, he knew, but he often struggled with keeping his emotions in check. Which was when freaky things would happen. Harry was fairly certain that Emerson’s shoelaces hadn’t tied themselves together all on their own, anyway.

The world was cruel, and Harry had been starting to seriously consider if Alexandra was the only other decent human being in the world. Well, Harry wasn’t all that decent himself, but at least he only wished ill towards those who deserved it. But then, it seemed like nearly everyone deserved it. Some days it seemed like his hatred was the only thing that fueled him.

Harry knew from reading ahead in his science book that he was likely going through puberty, which brought on more emotions than should be possible. If it wasn’t his weird powers getting him into trouble, it was his mouth. He wondered if he could simply stop feeling things. It really shouldn’t be too hard, it seemed like he only ever felt two emotions in excessive form anyway; anger and sadness. He always seemed to be in a bad mood as of late, and even Alex’s cassette collection and colored pencils couldn’t cheer him up one afternoon in late July.

They were sitting out in the back lawn with the portable cassette player, sharing earbuds and sketching mindlessly. Well, Harry was, anyway. Alex was probably creating the next Starry Night. It was a hot and miserable day and Harry had snapped at Alex for no good reason a few too many times.

“Harry,” Alex finally snapped back. “Why are you in such a pissy mood today?”

Harry scowled at the strands of grass he had been pulling up from the ground. “I’m just tired,” he muttered.

“Then take a nap,” Alex offered simply. “There’s no need to bite my head off because of it.”

Harry sighed. He really was being an arse. He had no right to feel this way, annoyed, bored, whatever… It wasn’t any different than any other year, really. “I’m sorry,” he apologized quietly. “It’s just… it’s my birthday today.”

“Oh,” Alex said, pulling her earbud out and staring down at it. “I- I didn’t know.”

Harry shrugged. “I never mentioned it. It doesn’t matter, really. It’s just…” he trailed off, gazing absentmindedly in the direction of #4. The Dursleys weren’t even home that day, they had taken Dudley to some waterpark in London. Harry knew that it wasn’t a coincidence that they had chosen this particular day to do so.

It hurt a lot more than he cared to admit, knowing that Uncle Vernon had gone to the trouble of taking a Monday off of work for the sole purpose of making Harry feel insufficient.

Alex followed his gaze and sighed. “They really are the worst, aren’t they?”

Harry looked back at her, offering a sad little smile. “I don’t know about that.”

His smile was reflected in Alex. “We should do something.”

“Like what?” asked Harry. He really had no clue what normal people did for their birthdays, there was absolutely nothing special about his day of birth and Dudley received only the biggest and greatest gifts for his.

“We could try to make a cake. Maybe go to the park. Or… or we could go to a Billy Joel concert.”

“Erm, what?” Harry laughed.

“We seriously could… he’s in London tonight at Wembley Stadium, I heard about it on the radio this morning.”

“And how the hell do you suppose we get to Wembley Stadium? Ask Emerson for a ride?”

“No,” Alex said, rolling her eyes. “You could just do that little teleporting trick of yours.”

“I can’t do that all the way to London!”

“Have you ever tried?”

“No, but-“

“Then you don’t know that you can’t.”

“Okay, fine,” Harry relented, believing that it wouldn’t matter in the end. “Where are you planning on getting the money for tickets?”

“That’s where Emerson comes in. I can get it from his stash.”

“Stash?”

“Don’t ask.”

“Er, alright… but this still isn’t a good idea. And I don’t even know who Billy Joel is.”

“Oh, come on, Harry!” Alex said, sounding scandalized. “He’s the one who sings Uptown Girl, and I know that you love that song.”

Harry flushed. “It’s okay…”

“Come on, we’ll have the time of our lives!”

Harry snorted. “I just turned nine today, I do hope that there’s something a bit more noteworthy than a concert in my future.”

“It’s a figure of speech.”

Harry hugged his knees. “The Dursleys would kill me. I don’t know if a Billy Joel concert is worth my life.”

“You hate your life,” Alex giggled, “so of course it’s worth it.”

“Alex, I’m not kidding… if they find out-“

“They won’t find out. They’ll be gone until late and probably wouldn’t even notice you’ve gone. Besides, Harry,” she turned serious, “if everyone is going to label you as a bad kid anyway… why not be a bad kid? They’re going to punish you whether you deserve it or not. Might as well do something to make it worthwhile.”

He couldn’t really argue with that logic. “You’re a horrendous influence on me,” he muttered.

She smirked. “Everyone needs a bad influence. Just let me be yours.”

Harry bit his lip, knowing that this was a terrible plan but resolving to go with it anyway. “Alright. Okay. Let’s do it.”

***

“What time does it start?”

“Eight. We have a couple of hours.”

“We might only have a couple of minutes depending upon how bad this goes.”

“Don’t be such a pessimist. You can do this no problemo.”

“Sure,” Harry sighed, taking Alex’s hands in his own. “I’ve only been to London once and I think I have to kind of picture where we’re going, but I’ve seen Wembley Stadium in pictures so I’ll try my best… This might be rough, though.”

“It’ll be fine.”

“Mmm.” Harry closed his eyes tightly and Alex squeezed his hands. He took a deep breath before doing whatever the heck it was that he was doing. There was the suffocating feeling for a few seconds before it let up, and he opened his eyes to the sight of crowded London streets and a huge stadium.

“Wow,” he murmured, letting go of Alex’s hands. “It’s a lot bigger in person.”

“Wow, it actually worked and we’re both still alive,” Alex mused.

“Yes, well, unbelievable, unfortunate things happen every day,” Harry muttered under his breath.

Alex grinned at him as she took his hand again and they skipped towards the stadium together. Well, Alex skipped, Harry just tried to keep up without looking like an idiot.

“Um, Alex,” Harry said, slowing his pace as he noticed a banner above the entrance. “You realize that this concert is sold out, yes?”

Alex faced him, still grinning. “Well duh.”

Harry raised his eyebrows. “Oh, okay, then. How exactly do you suppose we’re going to get in?”

“We’ll buy from scalpers, of course. There’s always a few of them sitting out selling tickets.”

“A tout? Isn’t that illegal?”

“Depends who you ask. Either way, it doesn’t matter, it’s not a big deal and we’ll be fine.”

“You say that a lot…”

“Because it’s true. Look, here’s a guy now.”

Harry tried to find the guy she was referring to in the crowd but didn’t see anyone who stood out. He followed Alex anyway, prepared for this to go really bad really fast.

Alex stopped near an inconspicuous man leaning up against a telephone booth smoking a cigarette. She approached him with a straight face, no trace of her previous grin. “Hello, sir,” she greeted pleasantly.

“What do you want, kid?” the man sniffed, taking out another cigarette and lighting it. Harry resisted the urge to cough. He should be used to the smoke by now, Emerson smoked in the house all the time. Then again, Harry didn’t really think that it was tobacco that he was smoking.

“I was simply wondering if you had a couple of extra tickets for the Billy Joel show?”

“I’m not offering handouts, sweetheart.”

“And I’m not asking for a handout,” Alex said, taking out a wad of cash for all to see. It was then that Harry finally came to the conclusion that his best friend was a psychopath.

The man licked his lips. “How much you got there?”

“Mmm, not sure, I think my dad said it was like five hundred pounds…”

The man snorted, though it seemed a little forced. “Is that all?”

“Look, do you wanna sell the tickets or not?”

The tout looked left and right before sighing and pulling two tickets out of his back pocket. “Row 239. Worth way more than you’re paying, I’ll tell ya. Practically giving them away to a little girl...”

“I’m sure,” Alex responded drily. They exchanged goods and went their own ways.

“What the heck was that?” Harry questioned in a whisper once they’d walked a few feet away.

“What was what? My amazing negotiating skills?”

“Hardly,” said Harry. “You showed him all the cash before even asking the price, so of course, he took all of it.”

“That wasn’t all of it, Harry dear,” she said easily. “We still have a good bit left to spend.”

Harry felt uncomfortable. Emerson was the absolute worst human being on the planet as far as he was concerned, but still… he had that horrible moral compass that just wouldn’t leave him alone at times, which was now saying that stealing was wrong. He mentally threw the compass on the ground. “How much did you take?”

“Er… you probably don’t want to know.”

Harry nibbled on the inside of his cheek. “Don’t you think he’ll notice?”

“Depends how high he is, I guess,” Alex murmured.

They went to stand in the line to get into the stadium. Harry had never seen so many people in his life and he shuffled closer towards his friend as the crowd was moving quite quickly. Everyone handed in their tickets when they reached the front of the line, but the ticket taker stopped Alex and Harry.

“Aren’t you two a little young to be attending a concert alone?” he asked them.

“We’re not alone,” supplied Alex, turning around to face a random man Harry was sure neither of them had ever seen before in their lives. “This is our father.”

The stranger nodded, placing a hand on both Harry and Alex’s shoulders, causing Harry to feel extremely uncomfortable. “Yes, these two rugrats are my children, now may we get on with it?”

The ticket taker still looked suspicious, but let them in regardless. Once they’d reached a distance, Harry shook off the hand and Alex retrieved some more money from her jeans pocket.

“You did really well, here’s another twenty for your trouble, sir.”

“No problem, kid,” the man said, slipping the bill into his pocket.

“Another twenty?” Harry asked.

“Yeah, I slipped him one before we reached the front of the line.”

“How did you know he’d go along with it?”

Alex shrugged. “Just did.”

“Well, it was nice meeting my father, anyway.”

“Same,” Alex giggled.

“Have you done this before? Like how have you planned so perfectly for every little inconvenience?”

“Here’s the thing, Harold-”

“That’s not my name.”

“You might be book smart and all that nonsense, but I’m street smart. I have a lot of things to teach you in that department.”

“I’m- I’m street smart,” Harry defended weakly.

“Sure,” Alex said, but it sounded a bit too placating for Harry’s liking.

***

“Okay well, that was pretty amazing,” Harry found himself admitting once the concert was over. And it really was. If it hadn’t been for the near-constant fear and anxiety gnawing at his gut, it really might have been considered the time of his life.

“I told you so,” Alex responded. “Sometimes you just gotta live a little, man.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “I think you might have inhaled some of the hippie juice.”

“No, it’s just a natural part of my all-around bubbly personality.”

Harry hums, looking up at the starless sky outside the stadium. “I know it’s really not much of a competition, but… this is the best birthday I’ve ever had.”

Alex smiled softly. “I’m glad to hear it.” She pulled him into an embrace. Harry didn’t know if he would ever get used to the feeling of such gentle, close contact with another human being, but he did enjoy it.

“Thanks for… well, the peer pressure, I guess,” he mutters into her shoulder.

Alex snorts. “It’s not like we got caught so no big deal, right?”

“Boy!”

Harry jumped away from Alex and nearly out of his skin. Stomach dropping, he turned to face… oh, God…

Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia and Dudley were standing on the sidewalks of London. He knew that they had spent the day here, yet the possibility of running into them had never even occurred to him…

There was malicious intent shining in Uncle Vernon's eyes and Harry knew that he was definitely in trouble and most likely dead.

He didn’t remember much about the evening from that point on, just that Alex and he had been hauled into the car and the trip home was a blur. It was at least silent as his aunt and uncle were hardly going to cause a scene by having it out with him in front of the neighbor girl.

As Aunt Petunia walked her to her door once they’d arrived back at Privet Drive, Harry wondered absently how much trouble she would be in with Emerson and couldn’t help but feel just a little bit envious. Because while Emerson might have been worse as a whole, he was pretty sure that he didn’t really care what she did outside of the house and his idea of discipline was very different from the Dursleys. As in, nonexistant.

“How did you get there?” Uncle Vernon asked him quietly once they’d gotten into the house and Dudley had been sent to his room. Uncle Vernon enjoyed yelling just for the purpose of letting off steam, so it was absolutely terrifying when he was quiet like this.

Harry swallowed thickly. He could lie, he was a very good liar, but lying got tiresome. What was the point? It wasn’t as though they would go easy on him either way. Besides, maybe there needed to be a bit more honesty in the family unit. Every one of them, sans perhaps Dudley, knew what was going on here, so why not just bring it out in the open?

“I used m-magi-”

“DO NOT SAY THAT WORD!” Uncle Vernon bellowed. It would have startled Harry had he not already been on the verge of a panic.

“Why?” Harry’s dumb arse found the nerve to ask. “We both know that it’s real, and even if it wasn't, what's the big deal!?”

“The big deal is that it’s freaky and disgusting, completely abnormal. Your aunt and I did not ask to be stuck with you, the very least you could do is behave!”

“I try! I’ve tried so hard but it doesn’t matter to you! Whether I use magic or not you’ll still punish me for something, so why should I bother trying anymore?”

“Oh, I’ll show you why,” Uncle Vernon answered menacingly, meaty hands reaching out towards his nephew. Harry’s fire left him abruptly and his mentality decided to take a little vacation.

***

He sensed more than saw Alex sitting down on the ground beside him. He continued pulling weeds and did not acknowledge her presence.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured after a while. “I shouldn’t… I didn’t think that-”

“You never think,” said Harry. “That’s the problem. I- I told you that it wasn’t a good idea.” He pulled furiously at a stubborn weed. “But you never listen to me. You always think that you can do w-whatever you want, like the consequences don’t matter-”

“I’m sorry,” Alex cried. “Harry, I know I’m not- I should have- please, just look at me,” she took his chin in her hands and turned his face to hers, then gasped, letting go of him as if she had been burned.

Harry glared down at the soil of the flowerbeds, face red and fighting back tears at the sheer unfairness of it all-

“Did… did he hit you?”

“The weird thing is, I can’t even give you an honest yes or no because I don’t know.”

“How can you not know!?”

“I don’t remember!”

“You don’t remember? How can you not remember?”

“Because, Alex, I apologize, but I simply cannot remember if my uncle beats the shite out of me or not.”

“I thought they just… made you do chores and withheld food and locked you in your room sometimes, I never thought that…”

“And that wasn’t enough?” Harry asked, unable to conceal the trembling hurt in his voice “That wasn’t enough to tell you that I- I’m… they’re…”

“I-I shouldn’t have pressured you. This is… this is my fault, isn’t it? Because I dragged you to London...”

Harry didn’t say anything.

Alex stood. “I’m sorry, Harry. I am. I don’t… I’m sorry.” And then she was gone and Harry was alone again.

***

He saw Alexandra again later that day, as the sun was sinking down beneath the clouds and he was still working on the flowerbeds. While the spiteful side of him wanted to keep ignoring her, logically Harry knew that it wasn’t really her fault and he had no right to be angry at her. He was more angry with himself than anyone.

He looked up to see her ocean eyes and wondered at the vacant look in them. It took his mind another moment or two to process the fact that she was covered in blood, and everything after that seemed to happen both very slowly and very quickly.

“A-Alex, what’s happened?” he asked, jumping up, not bothering to wipe the dirt off his jeans as he rushed over to her.

“I-I’m sorry, Harry, honestly, I’m so-”

“Shh,” he murmured, hesitantly grasping her shoulders that were spotted with blood drops. “It’s not your fault. I was just lashing out because- because you were the closest thing to me, honestly. It doesn’t matter.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really. What happened? Why are you all bloody?”

“Oh, Harry,” Alex breathed, bringing her glazed eyes up to meet his. “I-I did something bad. Soo bad…”

“Alex,” Harry whispered, fear tightly gripping his chest. “What did you do?”

She seemed like nothing more than a vessel for a soul that had departed as she looked into his eyes. It was so strange, being so very close to her and knowing that she wasn’t truly there. He knew what she had done, really, but he needed to hear it come from her lips. As much as he didn’t want to hear the confession, he had to.

“I hurt him. Bad. I think… I think I may have killed him.”

***

Once the tape had been put in, it did not come back out. Between My Girl, Jessie’s Girl, Uptown Girl… there were too many girls and Severus’ nerves were fraying. All day long that damn thing would play and he was really beginning to regret his attempt at kindness. The child had gone from staring at the cassette tape to staring at the cassette player. It wasn’t much of an improvement, and it was definitely unbecoming.

“Don’t you want to do something?” Severus bit out, unable to keep the irritation out of his voice. Harry simply looked at him and Severus was aware that the irritation was spreading to his face. He knew how he was supposed to behave around the boy, but it was much easier said than done.

“Here,” Severus said, opening a drawer on the side table and taking out a Muggle notebook and pencil, thrusting the items at his ward. “Write in this, make a journal out of it, doodle kittens for all I care, just… do something.”

Harry stared at the supplies that had been pushed into his hands as if they were some kind of foreign objects. Then looked at Severus as if he were Merlin himself and nodded. He looked down and turned to the first page in the notebook and started scribbling with the pencil.

Well. That wasn’t so difficult.

Severus turned the stereo volume down a couple of notches. Harry didn’t look up.