Illicit Affairs by MellarkandArt

It was strange how quickly strange became normal.

Well, not really. Strange things were always happening around Harry so that itself was pretty normal. But it was a little weird now to think about how his first encounters with Gary had been a bit uncomfortable, and he had been so concerned about stranger danger, as they now fell into a comfortable pattern.

Harry had never experienced the feeling of an adult caring about him in the slightest, and it was a feeling that he found himself searching for time and time again. It was wrong and selfish maybe, to go to Gary’s when he was upset with something that had happened at the Dursleys, and to have him ruffle his hair and tell him it would all be okay. But Gary was always there to do that, so Harry kept going back.

So it was very out of the ordinary when one day Harry knocked on Gary’s door and he did not immediately answer.

School had started back up a couple of weeks ago, and Harry coming by for a little while after classes was a bit of a routine. Harry had never come by when he wasn’t home, but even if he needed to go out for something, why wouldn’t he have waited for Harry to come by first, or left him a note on the door or something?

Just as Harry was thinking about how incredibly selfish and irrational that thought was, the door opened.

“Hey, kid- I’m afraid that I’m a little busy today, could you come by tomorrow?” Gary looked a bit disheveled and distracted, which was so incredibly out of character for him it totally threw Harry for a loop.

His question didn’t even register at first, and when it did Harry simply stared at him for a moment, wondering where the hell he was supposed to go at 4 pm after school if not Gary’s.

Finally, he gathered his bearings and shook his head out of the clouds. “I- yeah, sure. That’s fine. I’ll just see you tomorrow, then.”

But the next day was the same. And every day after that for the remainder of the week. It was a different excuse every day, but the end result was the same. It wasn’t until Saturday when the pattern changed.

Harry wasn’t even going to Gary’s place, he was instead heading for the park like he used to do to get away from the Dursleys before Gary interrupted his perfectly fine habits. If he didn’t want him around, then, fine. Harry should have known better than to trust an adult to care.

But as he passed the house, staring straight ahead, he heard a voice call his name just like that day months ago, only the voice was familiar now.

Harry turned around, arms crossed against his chest. “What?”

“Harry, I’m sorry I was so rude to you this week, really. I had a lot going on with work and it distracted me from what really matters. I’m sorry.”

Harry raised his eyebrows in surprise. “I didn’t know you worked.”

Gary laughed. “Of course I work, Harry. How else could I afford to live in such a nice neighborhood?”

“I dunno,” said Harry, honestly never having thought about it much. “It’s not a very nice neighborhood, in my opinion.”

“Ah, perspective… Come on in and I’ll tell you about my job.”

Harry hesitated only a moment before following Gary into the house. He apparently had lost all sense of self-preservation, only a moment ago he was willing to never speak to Gary again, and now here he was crawling right back into the lion’s den.

But it wasn’t the lion’s den. It was nice and homey and Harry wished that…

He shook his head. No, that line of thought was no good. It would only lead to heartbreak and disappointment. Like everything else in life. In his life.

He sat down on his usual spot on the couch, next to the right armrest. He looked at Gary expectantly.

“Alright, alright,” Gary grinned, sitting down beside him. “Okay, so, you and I get along pretty well, right?”

“Yeah, I guess…” said Harry, not sure where this was going.

“That’s probably because I’m used to being around kids. I work with them, that is. I’m a photographer for child models, for clothing for catalogs and advertisements. I work mostly from home, editing the photos, though I do have a room here for the photoshoots.”

Oh,” Harry said. “That’s… cool, I guess. For a job.”

Gary laughed. “Well, yes, jobs aren’t very cool in general. But I’m pretty satisfied with mine.”

“That’s good,” Harry smiled tentatively. He liked hanging out with Gary, he did, but he was always a bit lost with the more adult conversation topics. “So, um… how come I’ve never seen any other kids here?”

“It’s a tough business,” said Gary. “There are a lot of photographers in the field for magazines to choose from. And most prefer to use their own studios, which usually involves travel to London. So I mostly edit the photos, help design the catalogs, that sort of thing.”

“Mmm,” Harry hummed, not catching much of that. London was only an hour away, what was the big deal in traveling there for work every once in a while? Aunt Petunia and Dudley went there all of the time just for shopping.

“Anyway, I’ve been thinking. How would you like to model for me?”

Harry looked at him incredulously. “Maybe you haven’t noticed yet, but I’m a boy.”

Gary laughed again. “Modeling isn’t just for girls, boys appear in catalogs too!”

“Erm… I dunno, it just seems weird.”

“It’s not, I promise. Actually, a lot of boys your age feel the same way, which is why it’s so difficult to find models for the clothing catalogs. You’d really be doing me a favor here.”

Hary shifted in his seat uncomfortably. “I… I really just don’t want to do that. I’m sorry.”

Harry hated the look of disappointment he often saw on his relatives' faces, but it stung three times as bad to see it on Gary’s. He desperately wanted to make the situation better, but he just couldn’t imagine himself modeling.

“You uh… you could ask my cousin. I’m sure Aunt Petunia would be thrilled to have him appear in a catalog.”

Gary shook his head, looking downcast. “No, Harry. He just doesn’t fit the vibe I’m looking for. You’re perfect.”

Harry was a lot of things, but perfect wasn’t one of them. He shrugged helplessly. “I’m sorry,” he said again. “I- it makes me uncomfortable.”

“It’s fine,” Gary said shortly, picking up a file off the coffee table and leafing through it.

Harry looked down at his hands, feeling horrible. This man had been so very kind to him, and Harry wouldn’t do this one damn thing for him in return.

They sat in silence for a long while, and not the comfortable silence that Harry had grown accustomed to in recent weeks, but a terrible, deafening silence. He looked down at his watch (Dudley’s watch that Dudley had broken and Harry had repaired) and stood up.

“It’s getting late, I better get back to the Dursleys,” Harry said softly. Gary nodded in response but said no words to him.

Harry walked slowly out of the sitting room and showed himself out of the house.

***

Harry didn’t go out on Sunday, hoping that if he allowed Gary a day of peace he would forgive Harry for being such a nuisance in his life. But Monday, after school, he showed up at his door as always. He knocked softly but received no response, so he knocked a little harder. Still nothing.

It took a few more days of this for Harry to come to the realization that Gary was ignoring him, and that was only when he noticed his silhouette in the window, sitting in front of the telly.

He walked home slowly, although it felt like he was leaving home. Which was ridiculous. So what if Gary had been nice to Harry when literally no one else had before? So what if he had given him his first real birthday present? So what if he fed him and let him come over at any time just to hang out when no one else wanted him around?

It didn’t matter. It didn’t.

But it did.

Harry drifted through the remainder of the week, feeling lonely and broken. Feelings that he had no right to feel. It was his fault, really. He had pushed Gary away all because he wouldn’t do one measly little thing for him.

***

It was the emptiness that finally got to him.

Harry was used to feeling nothing for the most part, but after experiencing something, he simply didn’t want to be empty anymore. He had never been great at slow torture, he much preferred the times when Uncle Vernon would simply backhand him to being locked in the cupboard for a couple of days. Even with the occasional meal and a couple of bathroom breaks, the isolation nearly did him in every time.

Harry pushed open the door to his cupboard, breathing shallowly. It was the middle of the night, everyone else was asleep and he prayed that they would stay that way. Grabbing his teddy bear as an afterthought, he slipped out of the small space and tiptoed to the front door. So, so fucking grateful that the Dursleys did not have a home security system like a couple of the neighbors did, he made his exit.

Harry pulled the top of his oversized hoodie over his head and clutched the stuffed bear close to his chest. He was being pathetic, absolutely ridiculous, there was no reason to bring the bear, there was no reason that this couldn’t wait until morning...

But he felt somehow braver in the darkness of the night, the streetlamps being the only light to help guide him to his destination. He knew that if he didn’t do this now, he never would. If he didn’t bang on Gary’s door and wake him up in the middle of the night to beg for forgiveness, how could he possibly expect to do it in the daytime?

He stopped in front of the driveway, shallow breaths long gone. He was now panting like an overheated bulldog. Sometimes Aunt Marge’s dog Ripper could make himself sick with panting after chasing Harry up a tree. He worked to steady his breathing before slowly making his way up the driveway.

He stood in front of the door for a long time, vividly reminded of the times when he would stand in front of Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon’s door after a nightmare, wondering if he were to knock if they would welcome him with open arms. Imagining them coaxing him back to sleep as they did for Dudley. Debating if it was worth the risk.

It never was.

He reached out a hand and knocked on Gary’s door. The image of himself banging on the door was fading fast, and he knew that the chances of Gary actually hearing his pitiful knock were next to none. He looked to the side for a doorbell and wondered why he had never thought of it before. There was one, and he pressed on it firmly.

It was strange, how human emotions worked, or maybe it just went to show how messed up Harry was. But as soon as he heard the doorbell ring in the silence of the night, something inside him broke and he started sobbing like the paltry little baby he was.

He felt a hand touch his shoulder and he flinched back in surprise, looking up to see the door had opened and Gary stood in the threshold.

“Harry- what’s wrong?” Gary asked worriedly, taking in his tear-stained face and mangled hair.

“I- I’m sorry. I thought about it and I… I’m sorry. I’ll do it, whatever you want, just… don’t ignore me, please,” Harry whimpered. Gary’s eyes softened.

“Harry… I’m sorry if it seems like I’ve been ignoring you. I’ve just been really busy with work. I never meant to neglect you- and God, with the way your relatives have treated you… I’m sorry. We don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I’ll love you either way, kiddo.”

Gary opened his arms wide and Harry fell into them, the teddy bear squished between them. “No, no, we can do it, I… I just want you to be happy. I’ll do anything for you, please, just don’t leave me.”

“Anything?” asked Gary, his arms tight around Harry’s torso.

Harry nodded eagerly against his chest. “Anything.”

“Okay, okay,” Gary murmured, lips brushing against the top of Harry’s head. “Whatever you want to do.”