Potions and Snitches
Snape and Harry Gen Fanfiction Archive

Muck and Nettles
> Chapter 11  - Muck or Nettles

 

Tobias struggles back to his feet with his bad knee. Severus could have helped, but he doesn’t care, and his father has too much pride to ask. Especially in front of everyone else.

                He observes as Holly stays close to Narcissa as Tobias firmly closes the door behind them. The house Severus grew up in is small, but it feels even smaller with them all standing in the hallway. Lucius has been here many times. Wherever possible, he refused to let Severus come here alone. For Narcissa and Draco, however, this is the first time. Severus knows they are both judging him - one with sympathetic pity and the other with disgust for his childhood home. He is not sure which is worse.

                “Come on, then. Don’t just stand there like numpties,” Tobias says gruffly, leading the way to the sitting room. Severus instantly sees the changes: the house is cleaner than he has ever seen. Giving Tobias a considering look, he realises his father has made an effort for today. Lucius, too, looks around the house with a hidden surprise and arches an eyebrow in Severus’s direction.

                Tobias takes his regular seat, absent of cans of lager, empty or full. It is an odd sight to see. Even the battered sofas are clean. He sends a challenging glance to Lucius, who usually conjures his own chair to sit on: this time, he simply conjures a large white sheet and flicks his wand to drape it over the sofa before allowing anyone to take a seat.

                Holly continues to observe Tobias throughout. Lucius and Narcissa sit down together, and Severus is surprised when his friend picks Holly up and seats her on his lap, affectionately keeping his hand on her shoulder. Severus feels a shiver of jealousy kiss his spine. He should be the one holding his daughter like that. As Severus conjures a seat for himself, he is reminded of Lucius’s father at that moment: Abraxas was also fiercely protective.

                Tobias’s sharp eyes don’t miss a single thing. He smirks in Severus’s direction, receiving a  scowl in response. Severus partially blames his father for his poor relationship with his daughter: had Tobias contacted him at the news of Holly’s birth, he could have collected her then and raised her as his own.

                “You’ve grown up quite a bit since the last pictures your grandmother sent,” Tobias declares, looking at Holly directly now. “Prettier than Severus was at that age. He was an ugly mug. Took him time to grow into his looks. Not like you. You’ll grow up to be a beauty. Must get that from your Mam.”

                Severus stiffens his spine, flushing in anger.

                “You did not tell me you had more pictures after her birth,” he snarls.

                “Didn’t I mention that?” Tobias gives him an innocent look that Severus does not believe for a second.

                “That you did not,” Lucius mutters in an icy tone.

                “Must have slipped my mind,” his father replies carelessly.

                Severus growls low in his throat. He darts a glance at Holly, who is looking at Tobias through narrowed eyes.

                Even Draco gives Tobias an angry look, and only Narcissa’s hand on her son’s wrist keeps him quiet.

                “Do you speak, girl? Or are you a mute?” Tobias suddenly turns his attention back to Holly.

                “Are you worth talking to?” she responds in a clear voice.

                Severus finds himself relaxing a little. It’s now time for Tobias to experience what he has been going through since they retrieved Holly from the care home.

                He expects his father to get annoyed since he has never liked being talked back to. So, he is a little stunned to see him break into a smile.

                “Prickly little flower, aren’t you?” Tobias laughs. “Your Da been telling stories about his mean old pop?”

                “He’s not my dad,” Holly states in a fierce voice.

                Severus tenses, but he wants Tobias to hear this. It is time for Tobias to see precisely what damage he has done to their relationship by keeping his own daughter from him.

                All mirth falls from his father’s face as he gives Holly a severe look.

                “Why is that, flower?”

                “He wasn’t there,” Holly says in a calmer voice, still not looking at Severus.          

                Whose fault is that, Tobias? Severus silently projects at his father.

                Tobias looks at his son as if he has heard that thought.

                “That’s fair,” he nods. “A father should be there.”

                “It wasn’t Uncle Severus’ fault he wasn’t there,” Draco bursts out, standing up and glaring at Tobias angrily. “You could have told him any time that he had a daughter!”

                Tobias gives Draco a quelling look.

                “This is a family matter, boy. Who are you to interfere with this?”

                “We are family to Severus and Holly,” Narcissa interrupts coolly, getting to her feet gracefully. Placing her arms around Draco’s shoulders comfortingly, she compels him to sit back down without much success.

“Sit down, Draco,” Severus says quietly.

With another glower at Tobias, Draco complies.

                Tension runs high. Lucius will not tolerate any antagonism to his family; at the same time, Tobias is not the kind of person to hold back his contempt. With this in mind, Draco needs to keep a cool head. Severus, and Lucius, by extension, have built up a tolerance over the many years. On the other hand, Narcissa has had her manners drilled into her from a young age: she can handle any venom Tobias throws at her with poise. If anything, her presence is more encouraging than Lucius’s.

                “Your grandmother kept you away, flower,” Tobias finally says. “She had my address but never gave me hers. She sent me pictures of you over the years.”

                “But couldn’t you have forwarded those pictures to Severus?” Lucius asks frostily, his eyes glittering.

                “My prerogative,” Tobias says flippantly.

                Before he can turn back to Holly, Severus gains his attention.

                “Why not?”

                “Mind your tone, boy.”

                “You kept my daughter from me,” Severus snaps. “I’ll talk to you in whatever tone I please.”

                He is on the edge of his seat. Tobias has his palms down on his chair, his body tensed as if he is ready to launch himself towards Severus.

                Tobias gives him a look that he remembers from his childhood. Lucius has seen glimpses of it during visits in the past. In foresight, one arm goes around protectively around Holly; the other holds his wand.

                Narcissa stops Draco, who is only trying to copy his father, from pulling his out.

                Another fraught moment passes. Severus slowly stands up from his seat, stepping towards his father. Equally slowly, Tobias stands up, too, meeting him halfway.

                “You got a woman knocked up,” Tobias pokes his finger at Severus’s chest. “She told you she was up the duff, and you chose to ignore her. I’ve not been the best father,” Severus scoffs in agreement at this, “but when your Mam told me she was pregnant, I still did right by her. Not that you were grateful for it.”

                Severus does not want to air his grievances about his childhood: today is only about Holly.

                “You should have told me about your pictures of Holly,” he says instead. He backs off, realising that everyone has stood up with them. Lucius has backed off, having picked up Holly, holding his wand defensively in front of them. Narcissa places her hand on Severus’s shoulder, while the other is splayed towards Draco, who looks eager to start cursing Tobias, to keep him back.

                “Do you know how her mother treated her?”

                “Maybe you should have treated her Mam better,” Tobias retorts.

                “Pull the other one, old man,” Severus scorns. Ridiculous that the man would lecture him on treating Jasmine with respect when he hadn’t done the same for his wife.

                He is surprised by Tobias’s expression of regret as he tears his eyes away from Severus. He never imagined his father would ever be so remorseful.

                Any further conversation is interrupted by a knock on the door. Apart from Tobias, everyone freezes.

                “Who is that?” Severus hisses. His wand is in his hand instantly.

                “I invited you for lunch, lad. It’ll be the food.”

            Tobias is already walking away from him and back towards the front door, his hand in his pocket, pulling out a fist full of notes.

                Of course, his father isn’t any type of cook. Eileen had been forced to learn how to cook quickly whilst Tobias sat on his backside, waiting to be served. His father must have survived on take-away after Eileen disappeared. Or rather, take away and booze: this explains the size of his gut.

                “Are you okay, darling?” Lucius asks Holly, tucking away his wand but still not letting Holly down.

                “Yeah,” she shrugs. She lays her head trustingly on his shoulder, making Severus jealous once again at their easy relationship.

                They start to take their seats in anticipation of lunch.

               “Sit back down, Draco,” Narcissa sighs whilst taking her seat.

                “I don’t see why we don’t just leave,” he complains. “We don’t need to be in this dump.”

                Severus hides a flinch at Draco’s words.

“I don’t want to go,” Holly asserts.

They all whip around with varying degrees of incredulity.

                “Why not?” Draco demands.

                “None of your business,” Holly tells him acidly, generating a hurt expression in Draco’s eyes.

                “Darling...” Lucius begins in an admonishing tone that finds no response.

                “I want to talk to him,” Holly insists stubbornly. “If you don’t want to stay, you can go and come back for me later, but I’m staying.”

                “No one’s leaving you here alone,” Severus says firmly, meeting with Lucius’s agreement and support.

                Draco, on the other hand, is upset and flops onto the sofa with a sulky look.

                There’s the sound of a chuckle and a loud “Good lad!” Then the door closes. The smell of food hits Severus before his father enters back into the room. He doesn’t stay for long as he walks straight out towards the kitchen.

                “You coming or what?” his voice calls out when no one moves.

                Lucius reluctantly lets Holly down but follows her closely, one hand still on her shoulder as they enter the kitchen.

                The aroma of the food is familiar, but Severus cannot place it until he stands over the threshold of the kitchen and sees the brown paper bags with a memorable yellow logo.

                Tobias blusters, misinterpreting the looks they give each other: “I’m not a chef. I don’t often entertain, so I ordered out.”

He turns around and starts banging the cupboard doors open. He pulls out plastic plates and cups, still in their packaging, a sign that they were recently purchased.

                “McDonald's doesn't do delivery,” Holly points out with confusion.

                “A young lad, Tony, lives a few streets over. I paid him to pick some up for me,” Tobias explains, ripping open the plastic from the plates and placing them around the dining table that would only fit two people comfortably, never mind the six of them. Besides, there are only two chairs, but this is promptly remedied by the Malfoy couple: Narcissa pulls out her wand to enlarge the table with a silent spell whilst Lucius conjures extra chairs.

                Ripping off the wrapping on the cups, Tobias continues, “He likes to have any excuse to show off his new car. Saved up years to buy it. I pay him to run some odd errands for me.”

                Probably buys the liquor, Severus thinks uncharitably.

                Crossing over to the fridge, Tobias pulls out a few different bottles of drink - Pepsi, Sunny D, and Sprite.

                Once everything is set up on the table, he scowls at them.

                “Do you need a separate invitation to sit?”

                Slowly, they all sit down. Lucius makes sure Holly sits between him and Narcissa while Tobias takes his original chair.

                Draco is practically drooling at the McDonald’s aroma filling the kitchen. He has been pleading, not that he would call it that, for another trip to the muggle world for more burgers. Only yesterday, Severus had mentioned it to Holly about it.

                Lucius had tried to get his House-Elves to recreate the fries but had remained unsatisfied. The other wizard will probably not admit it, but he is craving real fries as much as Draco is craving cheeseburgers.

                “Not the kind of fare you toffs are used to?” Tobias taunts when no one makes a move to reach for the food.

                Severus hides a smile behind his curtain of hair. Had it not been for their recent excursion to the muggle world, this might have been the insulting gesture - if that is what Tobias wanted to do - that would anger the Malfoys. Unfortunately for his father, he has chosen the exact meal that will actually please Lucius and Draco.

Draco gives in first. Cautiously reaching for the nearest bag, he opens it with anticipation, pulling out the bag of burgers.

“I asked Tony to bring a selection,” Tobias says gruffly. “Eileen used to tell me that your folks eat more calories because you burn them faster.”

Severus is surprised his father remembers this. They had indeed spent enough time starving that he thought Tobias did not even care. Magic had often angered him, and any accidental magic was punished with the belt.

The different metabolic behaviour that Tobias miraculously remembers certainly explains the numerous bags: besides, when they had eaten at the Arndale food court, they had gone back for a second time with a bigger order. 

Holly grabs the bag closest to her, pulling out Lucius’s favourite: McDonald’s fries, passing it on to him. He dumps the two portions of fries on the paper plate Tobias has provided with an unreadable look.

“Thank you for the meal,” Narcissa adds politely.

“What’s this one called?” Draco asks before Tobias can do more than nod.

“That’s a quarter pounder,” Holly replies.             

  He studies it with interest. “How is it different from a cheeseburger?”

“The one beef patty is bigger than the two in a double cheeseburger,” Tobias answers.

Draco takes a massive bite of his burger; the red sauce oozes out, smearing his lips in the process. Narcissa wrinkles his nose admonishingly at him.

Tobias throws a paper napkin at him with a wicked smirk and chides, “Don’t you have any manners, boy?”

Draco bristles as much as he can with cheeks bulging like a chubby squirrel and wipes the ketchup from his face.

“Tell me about your Mam,” Tobias asks whilst everyone begins to eat.

Severus then realises that the old man has waited until they are occupied with food without touching it himself.

                Holly looks up at him, chewing on her fry.

                She swallows before asking, “What do you want to know?”

                Her eyes are glinting, and she looks ready to fight. Finally, the old man might get a taste of what Severus has been going through.

                After reaching for a burger, Tobias dismantles it, picking out the pickled gherkin before assembling it again.

                “Anything,” he shrugs.

                “She hated looking after me,” Holly starts narrating, not looking at anyone particularly. She begins to play with her food, organising her fries in order of size on her plate. “But she wouldn’t let Oma take me all the time. I liked staying with Oma.”

                “That’s what you called your Gran? Oma?”

                Holly nods.

                “Did your Mam hurt you?”

                At this question, Severus throws his burger violently on the table.

                “You think you have the right to ask?” He bursts angrily. “You?

                Tobias ignores Severus completely, looking at Holly intently.

                “Why do you want to know?” she demands, determined to get to the bottom of the matter Tobias is sneakily posing.

                Lucius and Narcissa watch them all keenly, ready to interfere if necessary.

                “Tobias,” Severus warns, but his father merely huffs.  

                “Did you ever call your Mam by her name? This one thinks he’s old enough to do that now.” Tobias sneers. “No respect for your father?” 

                “You don’t deserve it,” Severus huffs.

                “I always called her Mamma,” Holly continues, looking from Severus to Tobias. “Even after she died. Oma said she was still my mother.”

                “You miss your Mam?” Tobias asks in a gentle voice that Severus has never had directed at him.

                Holly doesn’t answer.

                “Are you angry with her for hurting you?” he probes, but such a question is the final straw.

                “Enough!” Severus thunders, pushing back his chair.

                “No,” Holly responds in a small voice. Then, in a much stronger one, continues, “Oma said being angry at Mamma won’t hurt anyone but me. Mamma's not around to feel it. She said I don’t need to suffer for it.”

                “Wise woman, your Gran,” Tobias says gruffly, turning back towards his burger.

                Severus, feeling deflated, wonders two things. The first: why does Holly engage with Tobias and insist on staying? The second -  he wonders if his father is thinking of Eileen.

                “What do you think of Severus?” Tobias continues with that sort of interrogation he’s been staging, eyeing Holly with an indecipherable look.

                “He’s a bully,” Holly answers without looking at Severus. “He must have learned that from you.”

                “Rude little flower, aren’t you?” Tobias tuts. “Why so angry?”

                “You’re both still alive.”

                Those words so steeped in poison sound unnatural coming from a child, so much so that Lucius chokes on his Sunny D, coughing and spluttering in a way that will mortify the blond wizard once he recovers. Narcissa’s lips twitch, a smile threatening to emerge.

                Tobias gives her a dark look. “Severus would never have dared speak to me like that, little flower. Didn’t your Gran teach you to respect your elders?”

                “Don’t call her flower,” Severus snaps. “And don’t you dare threaten her.”

                “I thought you liked flowers,” Tobias taunts.

                “Shut up,” Severus snarls.

                “Afraid?”

                “If you’d been a better dad, he wouldn’t need to be afraid,” Holly retorts, and  Severus is startled. Is she defending him? Could this be the first step towards a better relationship?

                “Aren’t you afraid, petal?”

                Severus rolls his eyes at Tobias’s mindful stubbornness. Why did his father need to use a flowery nickname?

                “Are you going to hurt me?” There’s a hard tone in her voice. “Like Mamma did?”             

               Tobias doesn’t answer - what’s more, he doesn’t look anyone in the eye except Holly.

Tobias looks at her curiously.  “Brave little girl, aren’t you?”

                “Oma said there’s no shame in getting hurt,” she states defiantly. “There’s only shame in hurting.”

                 There’s an odd staring contest between him and Holly, and Severus wishes he could know what they were both thinking. The conversation is not going the way he expected or even predicted.

                “Your Gran’s raised you well,” Tobias finally concedes. “My condolences on her passing.”

            A few seconds of silence pass, with the memory of a pain that has not yet been overcome hovering in the air.

               “She told me about you,” Holly declares suddenly, startling everyone with her words.

                “Aye? What did that w- woman have to say?”

                Severus wonders at the sudden stutter.

                “I don’t know what she meant,” Holly answers with a confused look.

                Tobias gives her an impatient look which Severus does not understand.

                “She said – ” she pauses, focusing intently on the memory. “She told me you were too late to try.”

         An astonished silence falls among those present until Draco asks, helping to satisfy Severus’ curiosity: “What does that mean?”      

               Holly merely shrugs.

                “That’s all?” Tobias asks keenly, and she nods.

                “Right,” he clears his throat gruffly.

                There’s an uncomfortable silence before Tobias pushes away his uneaten burger and abruptly stands up.

                “Right,” he repeats, lost in a maze of memories, as if unable to get out.

                Severus thinks he must be mistaken when he believes he sees tears in his father’s eyes. He has never seen his father upset - in a towering rage, angry, furious, indignant, yes, Severus has witnessed all those emotions - but upset was another matter entirely. Not even when the muggle police interrogated him about Eileen’s disappearance.

                “Keep eating,” Tobias orders hoarsely as he shuffles out of the room.

                Holly and Draco turn back to their food. Lucius absently eats a fry as he exchanges a look of significance with Narcissa. Severus makes a mental note to ask what they have noticed that he has missed. He feels like he is floundering in the dark.

                They hear thumps and bangs coming from upstairs, but Severus doubts his father is up there, bawling out his eyes. At Narcissa’s urging, he turns back to the burger, even though he’s not as keen on them as Draco, who has already scarfed down four and is now reaching for his fifth. Narcissa gives her son an admonishing look, which doesn’t stop him from eating his burger. Meanwhile, Holly takes tiny bites of her own, occasionally sending glances toward the door Tobias left from.

         By the time Tobias returns, they have already eaten, vanished the mess and bagged the leftovers. Narcissa is helping Holly wash her hands of the grease and salt of the fries while Severus amuses himself with the image of Lucius licking his fingers if he were alone: that is how much he likes the fries. He simply doesn’t understand the appeal - then again, food is just sustenance to him.

                Tobias doesn’t even mention the tidied table as he staggers in with a box full of wrapped gifts. Severus watches his father carefully, looking for signs of tears.

                Without looking at anyone but Holly, Tobias pushes it in her direction.

                “Your Gran never gave me an address, or I would have sent these directly to you,” he says hoarsely. “You’re too old for some of them now. Take them and see if you still want them.”

                He reaches into the box and pulls out a manila envelope, tossing it to Severus. It bursts open, allowing the various photographs to spill out. Severus's heart stills, but he dares not to hope. Could it be…

                “For you,” is all Tobias says but still does not look at him.

                Severus reaches for it cautiously, pulling it all towards him. Extracting the photos from the envelope, he slowly flicks through them. Draco and Narcissa move to stand over his shoulders, glancing through them with him. There aren’t many - fifteen in total. Losing himself in the photographs, he ignores the conversation around him.

There’s a one of Holly, from the moment of her birth. Though the face is cut off, someone holds her, and the flap of the picture breaks at the neck, making Holly the focus. Another one from the following year, as evidenced by a small cake with a candle number ‘1’.

                Her first birthday - she is smiling at the camera, a toothless but amused smile, as a reflection of the joy surely etched on the face of the person who took the photo. Then, her second birthday. She is starting to look more like him, her hair getting longer. She is not smiling in this picture but has a serious expression as if she is grumpy about something.

                Her third birthday. She’s laughing in this one, sitting on someone’s lap. Not Jasmine or her grandmother Iris, because the arms around her, perhaps tickling her, are too small. Whomever the person is, perhaps the boy mentioned by the woman from the care home, is hidden behind the squirming Holly. There are a few Christmas photos - one of Holly next to the tree with her small pile of presents.

                Severus looks at her sixth birthday photo, comparing it to her fourth. Her smile isn’t as vibrant. He looks at the pictures from her seventh, eighth and ninth birthdays. Though she is smiling, it isn’t the same smile as on her fourth birthday. He wonders why it is so. Why is she sadder as she gets older? Remembering the date on Jasmine’s birth certificate, he calculates that Holly was four when her mother died. Did she miss her?

                By Holly’s own admission, Jasmine wasn’t a good mother, but, at the end of the day, she was the only one Holly knew.

                He carefully flicks through the pictures from the beginning, wishing they were wizarding ones that moved.

                “Are these all the –” he cuts himself off, realising he is alone with Lucius.

                He has been so lost in the pictures that he’s ignored the happenings around him.

                “Where’s Holly?” he asks, alarmed.

                “Outside with Tobias,” Lucius answers.

                “You left them alone together?”

                “Narcissa is with them,” Lucius placates the Potions Master. “We can see them from the window.”

                Severus stands up from his chair so rapidly that it falls back. He storms over to the window to check on his father and daughter, letting out a breath when he sees them sitting on the stone seats at the end of the garden, with their backs to the window.

                Narcissa is close by, and he is relieved to see she has her wand out, ready to intervene despite the respectful distance she allows them.

                “Where is Draco?” he asks, carefully putting away the photos into his pockets and withdrawing the flesh-coloured strings he confiscated from the Weasley twins two meetings ago. He only discovered them accidentally when their mother complained about them inventing nonsense.

                The Weasley twins might not take life seriously, but they were creative geniuses, loathe as he is to admit it.

                “Restroom. What is that?” Lucius asks, looking at the fleshy strings with interest.

                “The Weasley menaces call it the Extendable ears. Useful for spying,” Severus replies, opening a window and allowing it to slither towards the trio in the garden. Narcissa does not notice it.

                Throwing the other one out, he hands the end to Lucius, who copies him when Severus puts his own into his ear.

 

ooOoo

 

“Your Gran sent me three letters in the last nine years,” Tobias begins to tell Holly softly.

                Holly knows Aunt Cissa is watching them closely, but she isn’t afraid of the older man. Oma used to say he was a bitter, angry man, but Holly hasn’t seen that: she sees someone who is lonely but too stubborn to admit any mistakes or changes.

                “Once, after you were born,” he continues, rubbing his knee.

Holly thinks it might be hurting him.

“She sent a letter with those pictures. Told me you were healthy, sweet and loud,” he chuckles. “Said you were a good sleeper but hated being disturbed and let everyone know it.”

Holly listens quietly.

“She was angry when I turned your Mam away and said I would regret it. She was right. I did. She sent me a new picture every year, showing how happy you were, even with everything your Mam had put you through, but she never wrote anything when she sent those. When you were four, your Gran sent me her second letter, telling me that your Mam had died in a fire but that she would make sure you were looked after and that she had custody of you.

“I wanted to get in touch then. Perhaps, whilst your Mam was alive, I was too ashamed after what I said to her about our Severus. Told her she deserved to raise her brat on her own, if she was too silly to protect herself.”

He falls silent, collects himself, and sneaks a glance at her.

“I made her cry - big tears as she left. I know Severus probably didn’t treat her right, having never known how to end an argument without losing his temper. If your Gran had sent me an address, I would have come to see you; but she didn’t, so I contented myself with the pictures and buying you presents, hoping to see you in person one day.”

He falls silent as he stares at the untidy hedge.

“I got a third letter from her just after your last birthday. She told me she was ill and asked to meet up with me - in a little park, not far from here. Told me to send Severus a letter, see if he’d pulled his head out of his arse enough to want to know you. So, I sent him that letter. And here you are.”

They both remain silent, and then Holly asks after a while: “Why did you never tell him about me?”

Tobias doesn’t answer immediately.

“You won’t like the answer, petal,” he warns her, looking at her.

She gives him an imploring look.

“Two reasons, petal,” he sighs, facing her properly. “First, your Gran asked me not to. She didn’t want his influence on you, which brings me to the second reason I agreed with. I know my son as much as he thinks otherwise. He wasn’t ready to be a dad, not back then. He was a mess…”

“Oma didn’t want him to –”

“She didn’t want him anywhere near you, petal,” he says gently. “Maybe because of everything your Mam told her about him or maybe because she wanted you all to herself, I don’t know. She knew it was wrong. When we met, she said she regretted it enough to try to make amends.”

“Oma never said a bad word about him,” Holly admits, biting her lip. “It used to upset her, so she said she would talk to me when I was older. Mamma never stopped talking about him. The only thing she never said was his name.”

“He’s –” Tobias heaves a great sigh and gets emotional. Holly can only see a single tear escaping before he quickly brushes it away, sniffing as he turns his head to hide his reaction from her. “He’s a good lad,” he eventually manages to say gruffly. “I – I was – I was never the kind of father he needed me to be. I was angry all the time, and I’ve never truly accepted his real nature… Like your Gran said – sometimes it’s too late to try.”

                They lapse into silence once again. Holly looks away when he reaches to dash away more tears.

                “He still doesn’t like you,” Holly observes, and Tobias laughs - a low, deep laugh that softens the crease in his lips.

                “I’m not very likeable,” he confesses. “Too much has happened.”

                “Do you think he’ll ever forgive you?”

                “Nah,” he rasps, rubbing his knee again. “And I’m not going to ask. There’s no point. We’re both too – it won’t…”

                He can’t seem to finish his sentence, but Holly thinks she understands. Thoughts of Harry and his Aunt Petunia pop into her head. She’s a horrible person - hurting Harry every chance she gets and letting other people, like her disgusting husband, hurt him as well. She wonders if Petunia will ever regret hurting Harry and whether Harry will ever forgive his aunt when they’re all older.

                Mr Snape was a bully, like Petunia, but Harry is kinder than him, so she thinks Harry would forgive his aunt. But he won’t ever trust her.

                She sees Aunt Narcissa moving forward, catching Holly’s attention and beckoning her.

                “I think we’re going to be leaving soon,” Holly says, turning to see Draco walk out.

                “Yeah,” Tobias grunts. He doesn’t move from the rock he is sitting on.

                Holly gives him a last glance before hopping off the rock, stepping back to Aunt Narcissa.

                “Will you ask your Da to bring you back?” Tobias says suddenly, twisting to see her properly, an almost imperceptible note of hope.

                She stops her first words of denying his paternity. He’s not her father. He was never there, and whatever Tobias said about him not being ready only reinforced that.

                Instead, she pauses and studies him closely.

                “Would it hurt you? If I didn’t want to come back?”

                He cocks his head at her and  answers in a slow, puzzled tone, “I think it would, petal.”

                “I think I might be ashamed,” she answers, turning her back to him.

                Placing her hand in Aunt Narcissa’s outstretched one, she hears a tense silence before there is a burst of startled laughter. Tobias is not angry.

                “You remind me of…” he begins to say, stopping to clamber to his feet.

                Curious, she turns around and prompts him when he doesn’t continue, “Who?”

                “Of Severus’s Mam,” he finishes, a reminiscent smile on his face, like he is thinking of something good. “She would answer like that as well. Take care, petal. Don’t forget your presents. See if they’re any good for you.”

                Holly nods.

                With a gentle tug, Aunt Narcissa leads her away. Draco is waiting, and Uncle Lucius steps out. Mr Snape is coming behind Uncle Lucius, looking pale and upset, and for a brief moment, she wonders why but then decides she doesn't care.

                “Bye,” she says in a small voice, turning to Tobias. “Grandad,” she adds quickly, as if afraid she’ll regret it.

                Tobias is startled at first but smiles genuinely at her.

                “Bye, Holly,” he nods, calling her by her name for the first time.

 

ooOoo

 

“Is Harry okay?” Sirius asks listlessly.

                Regulus gives his brother an unreadable look.

                “He’s healed fine enough,” he answers. “Andromeda did a good job.”

                Staring into his mug of tea, Sirius sniffs, “He won’t speak to me.”

                He has been gazing into it for several hours without a Warming Charm; It is now cold and looks undrinkable.

                “I’ve told him to stay away from you,” Regulus replies carelessly, returning to his crossword puzzle.

                Sirius jerks his head up; a wounded expression settles on his features.

                “I didn’t mean to hurt him,” he replies defensively.

                “I didn’t tell him to stay away from you because you punched him,” Regulus explains coldly. “It’s because you called him James as he went down.”

                Sirius looks away ashamedly.

                “I didn’t mean to do that either,” he sighs, rubbing his head with the palm of his hand. “Did you tell everyone else to stay away as well?”

                “No,” Regulus admits in a harsh voice, though he was tempted. “Harry’s friends will support him, so of course, they’ll stay away as well.”

                “He has good friends,” Sirius exhales. “Not many people would let themselves be locked up for the sake of friends.”

                “They’re better friends to Harry than you were to Potter,” Regulus points out.

                “What do you mean?” Sirius growls instantly. “James and I were best friends. I would have done anything for him.”

                This display of temper does not faze Regulus.

“Except be his Secret-Keeper,” he continues in a calm voice.

Sirius sits frozen, a look of fury etched on his forehead.

“Potter trusted you to be his Secret-Keeper. He asked you, but you didn’t want that responsibility, did you? Because it meant you would have had to go into hiding too. I know what you said last year, Sirius - that it was because Pettigrew was the least likely choice, and that might have been true. But really, you didn’t want to have to hide. I bet you thought it was a cowardly choice to make: you would rather have been gallivanting around the country, fighting Death Eaters, than sitting at home and reading about everyone else doing it. Even for the sake of the man you called your brother.”

“That’s not true,” Sirius denies through pale lips, but it’s a weak denial as if he realises the fallacy of his arguments.

Regulus shrugs, turning back to his paper.

“I would have done anything for James,” Sirius insists, trying to get his brother's attention. “Anything!”

“But not for Harry,” Regulus pronounces. “It didn’t take him long to realise that. He’s smart - has a good head on his shoulders. And… he’s kind - kinder than I was at the age. But he’s not soft.”

“I just wanted to be there for him,” Sirius cries brokenly.

“And I’m not questioning that,” Regulus replies. “You just didn’t want it enough to commit to him. Sirius, you chose Azkaban for a crime you didn’t commit in the memory of a man you claimed to love like a brother, rather than prove your innocence for the boy who is his son. You broke out of Azkaban, not for Harry, but because you wanted to kill Pettigrew for his betrayal. Do you truly expect Harry to be grateful for your crumbs of affection when you feel like he’s worthy of it?”

“Don’t…” Sirius gulps, taking a gasping breath, a plea that goes unheard.

“I thought you were improving,” Regulus admits. “When we were travelling around last year, you seemed like you were going to be alright. What happened?”

“It’s this house,” Sirius jumps on this change of topic. “I’ve always hated it. I have too many memories of it - almost never ones worth reminiscing.”

It is Regulus’s turn to feel the sting of the words.

“So did I, until I made it my own,” he says in a much sharper tone than he has so far. He takes a deep breath to calm himself; it can be considered a miracle that neither of them has lost their tempers thus far. The rest of the house is asleep, and Regulus doesn’t want to wake them up with a shouting match with his brother. Perhaps he needs to put up a Silencing Charm, just in case.

He has just as many bad memories of this house as his brother - if not more. He had spent over a year recovering his health; mental, physical and emotional, after the incident in the cave. Occasionally, he still has nightmares of hands grabbing him and dragging him into the icy depths. His Dark Mark had burned the whole time he had been in hiding, with only Kreacher for company hiding him from even his mother.

Kreacher hid his presence from everyone, letting everyone, including his mother think he was dead while in a coma. He was still too weak upon awakening, and Kreacher had taken him from the house, right under his mother’s nose.

Only Andromeda knew he was alive. Only she had taken care of him.

Only Andromeda had come to visit him at that stage, in secret, keeping his presence hidden while the rest of the world thought him dead. No one seemed to care. Eighteen months had passed in this manner. Six months later, whilst he’d still been in hiding, Harry Potter defeated Voldemort at fifteen months, and the whole world rejoiced.

Regulus had testified against as many Death Eaters as he could, though he had been shocked to find Sirius’s name splashed across the front page of the Daily Prophet. He had hated his brother more in that moment than at any other - hated and loved him for many years. The ambivalent feeling didn’t fade even after receiving Harry’s letter detailing everything about Sirius’s innocence. Still, he took his brother back and nursed him back to health, smuggled him out of the country and then back in when Harry wrote to tell them about his entry into the Triwizard Tournament.

Regulus had left the country entirely, not wanting to stay near his screeching mother, only returning after learning about her death. Upon inheriting everything after her passing, the first thing he’d done was knock down the whole wall in a fit of fury and burn his mother’s portrait to cinders. At that point, Kreacher had almost abandoned him, but Regulus was still a kinder master than Walburga.

“You’ve always thought about yourself, Sirius,” Regulus sighs again. “You might think you were better than the rest of the Blacks, but… you weren’t that different.”

Sirius sniffles with his face hidden.

“Why do you have a problem with Severus?” Regulus asks with genuine curiosity.

Uncharacteristically, Sirius doesn’t answer: Regulus would have expected his brother to launch into a litany of real and imagined slights from their school days.

“He had what James wanted,” Sirius surprises him with that answer.

“Lily,” Regulus voices succinctly.

“He said he wanted to be in Slytherin, and I thought: who in their right mind would want to be in Slytherin?  And Lily defended him, and I hated her as well for choosing Sniv- Snape,” he corrects at the grunting noise Regulus makes, “instead of James.”

“Juvenile,” the other man responds disgustedly.

Sirius flinches at the tone.

Regulus always knew that his brother didn’t like Lily because of her association with Severus. He had helped James try to separate the two friends every year, finally succeeding enough in their fifth year. Severus had arrived at the dorms devastated after his failed attempt at apologising: that was when Regulus began to lose respect for his brother. Even after Lily refused to associate with Severus, even when she agreed to date Potter, they both still continued to torment Severus behind Lily’s back. After Severus’s mother disappeared at the end of his sixth year, they showed no compassion: he was a wannabe Death Eater, after all, and as such, didn’t deserve their sympathy.

“You know,” he finally folds up the crossword, feeling fatigued right down to his bones, “you and Severus have one thing in common. You both think Harry is James.”

He gets up, uncaring of the sharp glance Sirius sends his way, bristling at the thought of being compared to Severus.

“Last warning, Sirius,” Regulus cautions in a stern voice. “Stay away from Severus. If you want to be useful, stop wallowing in pity and find something to keep you occupied. You’d be surprised at how much you think you can accomplish just by staying home.”

 

ooOoo

 

Regulus chooses to apparate with the Tonks rather than Flooing like he usually does. He has another letter from Harry to deliver to Holly and some sweets and chocolates Harry bought for the little girl.

                He hopes today will go well. He knows that Andromeda and Narcissa have missed each other since their estrangement, but both are too stubborn.

                Narcissa has always been afraid of Andromeda rejecting her for marrying Lucius - Andromeda has always been wary of Lucius insulting Ted for being a muggle-born. Regulus loves both of his cousins. He has, not secretly, tried to bridge the gap, telling both sisters about each other without either asking. He told Andromeda about Draco’s birth, his first words, his first broom ride. Almost anything Narcissa has confided to him, he has reported it to Andromeda. Equally, he kept Narcissa in the loop about Andromeda’s daughter, Nymphadora, her first year at Hogwarts, her OWLs and NEWTs. Her acceptance into Auror academy, her graduation as a top Auror.

                Both sisters listened to his news of the other with hidden greed but were too set in their ways to do more. Having expected to have to manoeuvre the sisters into a meeting, he was completely surprised when Narcissa had given him the letter to deliver to Andromeda after Lucius’s defection from the ranks of the Death Eater. Fortunately, he had been able to avoid that task.

                The gates open for them instantly. The Tonks take a hesitant step inside, whereas Regulus confidently moves forward.

                “A bit pretentious,” Tonks mutters, climbing into the carriage waiting for them.

                “Nimmy,” Regulus admonishes her warningly.

                She sticks her tongue out at him, and he laughs at her childish behaviour. No one would think she is a formidable fighter by looking at her: he still thinks of her as the adorable little brat who trips over her own feet. She uses her clumsy behaviour to her advantage, allowing the enemy to underestimate her; Regulus often wonders if her clumsiness isn’t just an affectation.

                The carriage brings them to the entrance of the Manor in a short amount of time. The Malfoys are already waiting for them, while Severus and Holly are nowhere in sight.

They might be waiting inside, Regulus thinks.

Ted, the last to climb into the carriage, is the first to alight from it, offering his hand first to Andromeda, then to Nymphadora.

Together, they form a united front against the Malfoys.

Regulus knows Narcissa well enough to see she is nervous about the success of this meeting - not that anyone can tell from the mask she presents. And Andromeda, likewise, is similarly anxious.

They have not met like this since Andromeda had run away to marry Ted. The wizarding world is small, so their paths might have crossed briefly, but as they move in different social circles, face to face like this has never been on the agenda.

Lucius has his hand on Narcissa’s shoulder in a supportive gesture; Ted has his on the small of Andromeda’s back.

Narcissa takes a hesitant step forward. Lucius drops his hand from her, and she descends the steps. Regulus sees Ted give his wife a subtle push, unseen by anyone but him and Tonks.

“Sister,” Narcissa greets in a stilted voice.

“Sister,” Andromeda returns.

They are now standing face to face. They both reach out a hand for the other to shake but end up embracing. Regulus allows himself a smile at the sight. In the end, no magic is so powerful that it can break a family bond.

 

ooOoo

 

Draco wants to roll his eyes at the reunion. He wishes he was anywhere but the Family room right now - anywhere but near the Mudblood and the Blood traitor. Why does his father allow this filth to enter the Manor?

                He has been out of sorts all summer since finding out his father has betrayed all his Death Eater friends. He has barely been able to owl any of his friends, though he is looking forward to seeing some of them in a few days: all who had betrayed the Dark Lord. He knows some of them are planning to flee the country, so this might be his last chance to see some of them.

                However, he is forced to put up with his mother’s sister and husband and their annoying daughter. He hates himself for his envy of the half-blood’s metamorphmagus ability.

                Still, he has to stay for this ridiculous family reunion.

                His father discreetly nudges him and gives him a warning look when his mother’s back is turned. With a repressed sigh, Draco tells himself to make an effort. He reminds himself that when he takes over his family’s business one day, he will have to mingle with plebs. This is good practice for then, he tells himself. Not every donkey at the Ministry will be Pureblood - Mudbloods are suitable for grunt work, after all.

                As it is a warm, sunny day, his parents lead their guests out onto the patio, where seating has been arranged for them all. Draco sees Uncle Regulus looking around and counting the seats: there is only enough for those present here, and he is probably thinking of Holly and Uncle Severus.

                The latter didn’t want anyone to know about Holly yet, so he changed the hours he spends with her to coincide with the Tonks’ visit.

                He would rather be up there with them than down here with this lot.

                A House-Elf appears with refreshments and nibbles, though he knows his mother hopes they will stay for dinner. Draco, contrarily, hopes they won’t.

                Narcissa and Andromeda sit together, Draco next to his father, trying not to look bored - not realising he is not succeeding. He tunes out the polite chatter that takes place between the two sisters.

                To his dismay, his father strikes up a conversation with the Mudblood.

                “How is your practice?” Lucius enquires blandly.

                “Going well,” Tonks replies stiltedly.

                “Busy?”

                “So so.”

                It is very awkward and tedious.

                “Regulus told us you’re a fully qualified Auror now,” Lucius continues, reaching to pour himself some tea, directing his comments at the idiot girl with pink hair.

                “Yeah, since last year,” Nymphadora - what a ridiculous name, Draco sneers to himself - answers in a bored tone.

                He hides a scowl. She has no right to be bored. In fact, she should be honoured that she’s been allowed to step foot in Malfoy Manor.

                Lucius clears his throat.

                “Perhaps whilst the sisters are catching up, Draco and I can give you a tour of the Manor,” his father offers.

                Nymphadora’s look turns wary as if she expects this to be a ruse to divide and attack them. She casts an uncertain eye toward her mother, but Andromeda gives her an encouraging smile and nods, “Don’t worry about us.”

                They reluctantly get to their feet, looking a little more assured when Regulus volunteers to join them.

                Draco drags himself to his feet and follows along. Lucius shows them the pool area, the quidditch pitch and the maze, though they do not enter it. As they are already outside, his father doesn’t miss a chance to show off Narcissa’s precious rose gardens. 

Something catches Nymphadora’s attention, causing her to pay closer attention to the base of the bushes.

                “Careful with my mother’s roses,” Draco snaps as she pushes them aside to take a better look.

                Lucius gives him an admonishing look.

                The Auror gives him a withering look.

                “There are scorch marks here,” she points to the marks in question. “You had a fire recently.”

                “A few weeks ago,” Lucius answers smoothly, exchanging a look of amusement with Regulus.

                “A dispute that got heated, wasn’t it?” Regulus laughs.

                “Indeed,” Lucius agrees to the confusion of the Tonks.

                “Where is Severus, by the way? Is he out?” Regulus asks.

                “He is in his quarters,” Lucius replies carefully, not meeting his eyes.

                “Busy, was he?” Regulus questions with a puzzled look.

                “He wanted privacy for a sensitive matter,” Lucius answers, standing up straight.

                Draco knows he is against hiding Holly away. The news of her existence would come out eventually. Not to mention the fact that Lucius wanted to use her to prove to the Tonks that they were trustworthy. Holly is an innocent child, after all, with a muggle upbringing.

                “So, he has no intention of showing his face… at all?” Regulus queries stiffly.

                Lucius shakes his head and gives Regulus a significant look. “No matter what arguments we’ve made to prove otherwise.”

                The Tonks exchange confused looks.

                “We don’t need old Snape to show up if he doesn’t want to,” Nymphadora says in a bright voice that grates on Draco’s nerves.

                “Dora,” her father chides, though not as strictly as he should have. Rude bitch!

                “Is he allowing visitors?” Regulus persists with his questions.

                “He might be persuaded to do so,” Lucius nods.

                “I’ll pay him a quick visit before we leave,” Regulus states in a firm voice.

                “He’ll be pleased,” Lucius comments ironically.

                They continue the tour inside the Manor. They are shown the Dining room, the Ballroom, the Family Room and several parlours downstairs. The bedroom wing is pointed out, though they are not taken down that way. Lucius shows them his study, the library and the duelling room.

                Draco notices that his father does not show them what has now been converted into the so-called Muggle room - containing the Muggle books his parents bought and the Muggle sports equipment. He wonders why not, given this might have been a good way of showing their embracing of the Muggle way. Still, whatever his reason, he does not interfere with his father’s plans as he trails behind everyone, scowling at their backs.

                They stop at the entrance to Severus’ quarters but do not enter.

                His father points out that the rest of the wings are empty but contain space for more bedrooms.

                “Doesn’t a Manor this big have dungeons?” Nymphadora suddenly asks with interest.

                “We do,” Lucius confirms in a mild tone.

                “I’ve always wanted to see what the dungeons look like,” the Auror comments idly.

                Before Lucius could say anything, a House-Elf appears at that moment.

                “Master, sir, there is an urgent Floo for you,” Roker says anxiously.

                “All right, I’ll be there,” Lucius nods, his face an unflappable mask showing no sign of upset. “Draco, will you show your cousin the dungeons? I shall be with you presently.”

                His father leaves, and Draco sighs.

                “It’s this way,” he says in an aggravated tone.

                “Spend much time in there?” Nymphadora queries lazily.

                “Dora…” Ted Tonks says warningly. “We agreed that the Auror hat wouldn’t be worn today.”

                The pink-haired Auror scowls.

                “I was just asking,” she mutters but casts a suspicious glance at Draco, who pauses at the entrance to the dungeons.

                Draco quickly gives them the tour of this area of the Manor. The House-Elves keep them clean; there is not a speck of dust anywhere. They are cooler than the rest of the Manor: one of the dungeons is kept stocked with extra food, whilst another has the overflow of the expensive wine his parents buy whenever they go abroad. Even with Expansion Charms, they have run out of space in the wine cellar, so the excess is kept here just as cool as in the cellar.

                “Happy Nimmy?” Regulus teases. “They don’t have any prisoners being tortured down here.”

                “Or they’ve been moved to the empty wing upstairs,” Nymphadora points out logically.

                Regulus laughs, “Come on. Let’s go back upstairs, Auror Tonks. Might I remind you this is a personal visit, not an official one from the Ministry?”

                “Best behaviour, Dora, love,” Tonks chuckles.

                Only Draco doesn’t join in their mirth. He doesn’t realise he is scowling until Nymphadora says, “Careful, cousin, or I might hex your face to stay that way.”

                Before Draco could say anything back, Tonks interferes.

                “Why don’t we head back outside to your mothers?” he says hastily.

                “Let’s,” Regulus agrees.

                “Whatever,” Draco mumbles and leads the way outside.

                As they reach outside, a voice shouts from the window of one of the upper floors.

                “Uncle Regulus!”

                They all turn to look at Holly, who waves happily from the window. Regulus smiles widely and waves back, and Holly disappears from view.

                “Uncle Regulus?” Nymphadora repeats, looking bemused.

                Draco looks at his mother in askance. She inclines her head subtly towards the entrance. He nods back, glad for the excuse to get away from the Tonks and distract Holly from coming outside.

                He reaches the staircase, holding out his arms to catch her, picking her up awkwardly.

                She shrieks in surprise, squirming to be let down.

                “Let go, Draco,” she says exasperatedly. “I want to go see Uncle Regulus.”

                “Not right now,” Draco tries to keep his voice soft. “Mother has guests right now.”

                “Guests?” She stops wriggling.

                Draco huffs a little, putting her down.

                “Yes. Uncle Regulus will come to see you later. Just go back to your room now,” Draco orders.

                “Why can’t I meet them?”

                Before he can answer, Severus calls from the top of the staircase, “Holly. I told you to stay upstairs.”

                She looks in the direction of the outdoors from where Draco entered.

                “I wanted to see Uncle Regulus,” she announces argumentatively.

                “Not right now,” Severus snaps, stalking down the staircase. His robes billow behind him, making him look like he is about to take flight at any moment.

                Holly scowls. Severus grabs her by the wrist and tugs her back.

                “Narcissa and Lucius have guests at the moment. Follow me: we’re going back upstairs.”

                Holly looks dejectedly towards where she knows Regulus is, but allows herself to be led away.

                “The guests can handle some time without me,” Regulus says, walking into the foyer.

                Holly wrenches her hand from Severus, running merrily towards her uncle, who bends down to catch her and swing her into his arms. She wraps her legs around his waist, hugging him tightly.

                “How’s my little sweetheart?” Regulus laughs, brushing her loose hair back with his fingers and tucking it behind her ear.

                She gives him a wide smile.

                “Better now that you’re here,” she chirps.

                Draco sees the look of hurt that flits across Severus’ face, who hides it quickly.

                “Holly,” Severus orders commandingly. “We are going back upstairs. Quickly, now. Come on. We’re disturbing Narcissa’s guests.”

                Holly looks like she is about to dig her heels in.

              Regulus is quick to assure her. “I’ll come up with you, darling,” and Holly nods happily.

                “Aren’t you going to introduce us?” Nymphadora’s voice calls out.

                Draco doesn’t hold back the groan. Merlin, she was annoying. Why couldn’t she mind her own damn business?

                Regulus lets her down but keeps his hand on top of her head as she shyly hides behind his legs: he has never seen Holly be shy.

                Narcissa walks back in with the other Tonks, watching Holly curiously.

                “Wotcher, honey,” Nymphadora says in a warmer voice than she has used so far with anyone else and bends over to look at Holly. “I’m Tonks. Who are you?”

                Holly moves further into Regulus' legs.

                “Don’t be shy… you have nothing to fear,” the Auror cajoles.

                Severus steps forward.

                “Miss Tonks,” he greets coolly.

                “Professor Snape,” she replies enthusiastically, her hair turning purple.

                Holly gasps at the change, capturing everyone’s attention again.

                “We’re going back upstairs,” Severus tells Holly. “Now.”

Holly’s face has fallen at Severus’ tone and words.

                “Aren’t you going to introduce us, Narcissa?” Andromeda asks.

                 “I’m nobody. Just his dirty little secret,” Holly announces furiously, then pulls away from Regulus and runs upstairs before anyone can stop her.

                Severus pales at the words, following her with dismay in his eyes.

                “Follow her up,” Regulus commands.

 

                ooOoo

 

Severus reaches Holly’s room in no time, but the door is firmly closed. He knocks once, then announces, “I’m coming in.”

                Asking for permission will only get him rebuffed, so he enters without it.

                Holly sits beside the bed, hugging her knees to her chest and burying her head down.

                “You’re not my dirty little secret,” he says awkwardly, standing over her.

                “Go away,” she requests tiredly, not even looking up at him.

                He doesn’t like her tone - as if he isn’t even worth being angry at anymore.

                “I’m trying to… It’s dangerous right now. I’ve found you at the worst time,” he begins but soon freezes, knowing he has only made the situation worse. “I’m glad I found you, though,” he hurries to correct himself. “There’s a bad wizard. He wants… he wants to hurt Lucius and me. And everyone important to us.”

                Holly still doesn’t look up. On the back foot, he knows he’s making a hash of explaining things. This is not how he wanted to tell her about everything that’s been happening.

                “You’re important to me,” he tries to explain. Emotions have never been easy for him to express, and he is still struggling to connect with his daughter after so many weeks. “I’m just trying to keep you safe. The fewer people know about you, the better.”

                “What’s going to happen to me when you go back to Hogwarts?” she asks, finally looking up at him. Her eyes are clear. “You’re going back soon, right?”

                He kneels in front of her, reaching out to pull her close like he has seen Lucius do.

                She tenses, and he withdraws his hand.

                “You’ll stay here, or maybe somewhere else,” he answers, feeling a little encouraged by her question. “With Narcissa. Probably Regulus as well.” He adds his friend’s name, knowing she would be more amenable. He and Lucius have discussed sending Holly and Narcissa to Headquarters whilst he, Lucius and Draco are at Hogwarts.

                Lucius plans to ask Albus to put the Manor under Fidelius. The blond has been prepping the Manor by consulting all his schematics to ensure Malfoy Manor is fully encompassed, secret tunnels and all. He is trying to keep his family as safe as possible, so he will take every precaution.

                Holly does not look happy with the answer as Severus hoped.

                “Hidden away?”

                “I – It… I – I’m not ashamed of you,” he hastens to assure her again. “It’s not because of that.”

                “Because it’s dangerous,” she repeats.

                He hurries to nod.

                “I know you were reading those books in the library about the Dark Lord – ”

He is interrupted when she says, “The one defeated by Harry Potter.”

He grimaces, but nods again.

“He’s not gone,” he carries on, wishing he could explain the intricacies of the war, the loss of spy status, about the hell hole the world was about to become. “He’s back, and he will hurt everyone standing his way. I’m just trying to protect you.”

“Then you should have left me at the care home,” she eventually speaks, looking away like she can’t stand the sight of him.

“What do you mean?” His mouth is dry - his mind blanks.

“If you only wanted me for a few weeks, then you should have left me alone,” she mumbles, leaning her cheek on her knees as she stares unseeingly at the wall.

“Would you rather be in a care home? Is that what you are saying?” he asks disbelievingly.

“I’m saying if you were going to send me away anyway, then you shouldn’t have taken me away from the care home. If it’s so dan-” her breath begins to hitch. Tears begin to form. She buries her head between her knees again, hiding her feelings from him.

He hears her gulping breaths.

“If it’s so dangerous to be your daughter, then I would have been better in a care home. You didn’t even want to know about me in the first place. Grandad said that you …” what Tobias said is lost in the rest of her sobs.

Severus had heard everything Tobias said through the Expendables Ears last week. He had been so angry that he went back to Lucius’s Duelling room, blasting every dummy repeatedly until he was so exhausted he could barely see straight. He hadn’t known who he was angrier at: Jasmine, Tobias or even himself.

                “You’re just going to abandon me again, and I wish you hadn’t brought me here. I wish I never met you,” she weeps to her knees. “I wish you weren’t my dad.”

                “I’m not going to abandon you,” he insists, his heart constricting even as he ignores her last words.

He reaches for her again, placing his hand on her shoulders, intending to pull her close, but she stiffens under his touch and resists.

Pushing him away hard enough to make him lose balance, she screams at him, “Don’t touch me. I hate you!

“But – I’ll – Holly – ” he is trying to tell her he will come to see her every weekend and spend Christmas and Easter breaks together, but she is getting hysterical to the point of triggering her accidental magic. Her bed begins to rattle ominously.

He doesn’t know how to calm her down; she will not let him anymore near her. He tries again, heaving himself back to his knees, but a hand on his shoulder stops him.

Raising his eyes, he sees Regulus looking down at him in pity. The other wizard had probably been nearby and most likely heard everything.

It physically pains him that he cannot get close to his daughter; both times he has witnessed her accidental magic because of him.

Regulus helps Severus to his feet before giving him a gentle nudge towards the door.

Severus exits the door in a daze. Before the door closes behind him, he sees Holly launch herself at Regulus as if he were her lifeline.

It all hits him at once. Holly cares about everyone but him. She allows Lucius and Narcissa close, to touch her and hug her; she treats Regulus, whom she has met only a handful of times, like he means more to her than anyone else in the world. She’s even established a relationship with his thrice-damned abusive bastard father - his father, who has surprisingly expressed his regrets for many things from his childhood and actually bought presents for his granddaughter over the years, despite not being able to send them. Whilst he, Severus, is left out in the cold despite all his efforts at the beginning of the summer to bring his daughter to him. Is he so unlovable that he must be rejected by the people he loves?

Lucius is waiting for him outside Holly’s room; Severus does not want Lucius to see him like this. He leans against the wall, closing his eyes in the agony of rejection. He knows it is childish to think that Lucius will disappear if he closes his eyes too.

He tenses when Lucius puts his hands on his shoulders, pulling him close, much as he had tried to do with Holly earlier. Also, as Holly had done barely minutes ago, he resists. Lucius won’t hear of it, though, and pulls him to his chest - like he had done when Severus was in second year, after having found him nursing bruised ribs the first day of term. Lucius had looked after him then. Protected him, guided him. Even after Lucius had graduated from Hogwarts, he had owled Severus every week. When he had pushed Lily away, Lucius had refused to let him dwell on it, stopping him from hurting himself, even by owl. When he lost Lily forever, he stayed by his side. Even though when Severus lost Lily, Lucius had lost the Dark Lord the same night.

He is glad that Lucius has switched sides. Glad that he is selfish enough to follow the power of Albus Dumbledore. It would have killed Severus to fight Lucius, not after everything the older wizard has done for him.

Lucius does not speak, for which Severus is grateful. He holds him close like a child, and Severus finds himself holding Lucius tight, burying his head on the other’s shoulder, struggling unsuccessfully to stem the tears that leak out by squeezing his eyes tight. Breathing deeply, he strengthens his Occlumency barriers to hold his emotions at bay.

He does not realise Lucius is manoeuvring him subtly, so Severus’s back is to the hallway where a certain pink-haired witch has walked up, curious to see what the fuss is about. He does not realise that Lucius’s arms tighten around him protectively to shield him from the same witch or see the furious glare Lucius aims at his niece by marriage to get her to leave the way she came.

Severus thinks only of his daughter, of how he wants her to accept him.


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