In the rush and confusion of the Battle of Hogwarts, Harry had no time to consider what to do with the body of his former Potions teacher Severus Snape. Afterwards, everyone was walking around numb with grief, there were so many wounded who needed urgent treatment afterwards that they simply couldn't spare anyone to move the fallen Professor although Hermione had cast some charms over his body to put it in stasis and preserve him.
Truthfully many people were still in shock following the revelations of the final battle. It had been a hard year, Harry had been the one to expose Snape as a murderer and a traitor to the world after he had seen him cast the killing curse at Dumbledore before he was installed as headmaster but he had also been the one to clear his name by revealing the truth to Voldemort who had believed him loyal. Dumbledore had been right in the end to trust him, to ask him to do the most difficult tasks that no other could, he had shouldered an enormous burden in secret and he had done it all for love. For a love that transcended time and even death, a love doomed to never be reciprocated.
No matter that Harry once hated him, there were bigger issues now and viewing his memories had changed him, forcing him to see the bigger picture, the ugly truth but also his inner bravery. The least he could do was to clear his name and honour his memory by telling the truth to a world that loathed him. No, he vowed that he would be remembered and given a respectful burial instead of being laid to waste as a traitor with the rest of the Death Eaters, Harry knew now that there was only one place where he would want to be buried alongside his childhood friend and only love Lily, his mother, finally, in death they would be together always as they could never be in life.
Finally, after a few days when they had had a chance to respectfully move the dead and take care of the wounded things were calm enough that Harry was able to gather a small party to recover the Professor's body. Warily he entered the Shrieking Shack followed by Ron, Hermione, Madam Pomfrey, Professors McGonagall, Flitwick, Sprout and Slughorn trying not to shiver as he tried to block out all the bad memories this place brought back.
He paused before stepping over the threshold, looking uneasily across at the body slumped against the wall remembering his brutal murder and his final moments with his Professor.
He shakes off those memories and is about to approach his body when he hears a sound, he looks up at the window noticing a beautiful dark owl waiting, he meets its eyes and it glides over offering its leg to him, carefully he unties the thick bundles of letters that are attached before stroking the owl, reminded painfully of his own Hedwig, his beloved familiar and first ever present who was cruelly cut down whilst escaping from Privet Drive, the bird nips him gently in return before taking flight. He watches it go before looking down at the letters, he recognises Snape's elegant scrawl on the front of the top letter. He looks up confused at the others who nod at him to open it.
He moves away to find a private corner to read the letter. Meanwhile, his teachers approach Snape's body, gazing down in shock at his deathly pale skin and the bloody wound where the snake has made a mangled mess of his neck. Madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall are the first to kneel next to him the nurse doing her best to clean his wounds while the Professor carefully runs a hand over his face, brushing the hair out of his face, she remembers their last encounter.
How strange it is she thinks that just a few days ago they had all thought him a traitor, a coward and a murderer until Harry had defended him in front of the whole school. The truth that had been so carefully hidden from them all for so long it had left them all reeling. that year had been hard for all of them but no one had realised the weight of the burden upon his shoulders and the extent of his silent dedication and bravery appearing loyal whilst secretly trying to thwart the Carrows and protect the students it was an unenviable task and one which could only have been done by a master spy. It was true that old wounds would take time to heal, the past year would not be easily forgotten or forgiven but now she felt only sadness and regret that her last memory of him was of forcing him to duel her and flee from the one place that was a safe haven and home for him.
She wipes away a tear and bows her head in mourning, joined by her fellow professors, she hoped that his tormented soul had finally found the peace that he had been lacking in his life.
Meanwhile, Harry nervously opens the letter both intrigued by and also dreading what it could contain.
To Harry,
I know that I will most likely not survive the battle that is to come, if you are reading this it means that I am no longer with you and that you have survived the battle that is to come, Dumbledore always had faith that you would. I know I may have often dismissed him as being a barmy old coot but I hope he was right. I have worried a great deal for your safety these past years.
I am writing to you now as you wished to talk to me about some deeply personal matters at the start of your 6th year. I agreed to this but, for your own safety, I had to place a memory lock charm on you with your permission. This was for your own safety given your connection with the Dark Lord's mind. However, I promised you that I would give you a code so that you could access these memories when it was safe to do so. I have left instructions for this letter to be sent to you if I did not survive the battle.
The code to unlock your memories is Lost Boys because you and Sev are like lost boys to me. It has brought me great joy to see the way you have grown and how you cared for the child in the short time he was here. I hope that these memories will bring you comfort and answer some of the questions you may have. You have both walked difficult paths and I hope that now you have the chance to live good lives and that he knows more happiness in his life than I have found in mine.
Talking with you has forced me to acknowledge some difficult truths, I apologise sincerely for the way I have treated you in the past. It is one of my greatest regrets and I wish that I had gotten to know you better, I was a blind and stubborn fool. I know I have little time to make amends but, please believe that I will try my best to do so and prepare you for what is to come. If what Dumbeldore has told me is any indication you will need all the help you can get. I have wasted enough time stuck in the past, although I'm forced to act the same in class so as not to arouse suspicion I refuse to continue to be blinded by the past.
You spoke to me about family and asked me if I had ever wished to have a family and if I would have liked to have acted as a Father figure to you. I must confess that I was lost for words at the time, I had not had much chance to think about it before you asked but, I realise now that I would have greatly liked to have had a family of my own. You're the closest thing I have to a son, I wish I had had the chance to treat you as such. If I could I would go back and ensure that you had a safe and loving home. I believe you are quite right in suggesting that it could have helped us both to heal.
You also expressed a wish that I had told you more about your Mother. I regret that I did not do so as it may have helped us to bond and build a more positive relationship. However, since I can not do that I decided to take up your advice and write down some of my favourite memories of her for you, I have instructed them to be sent to you along with this letter, I hope they bring you as much happiness as they once did for me (there may be more in my personal quarters).
Speaking of family, I have written my last will and testament and will make sure a copy is sent to you. I have no family of which to speak, as I have mentioned you are the closest thing I have to a son and I would very much like to leave what little I have to you. I do not know whether you will want to keep any of my belongings given how I have treated you in the past, I would understand if they brought back unhappy memories however I do hope that there are some items amongst my meagre possessions that may be of interest to you. There are some photos of your Mother and myself in my quarters along with some other trinkets that I have kept from our time together that you may wish to keep, there are also some books that may be of interest including some from mine and Lily's childhood that I salvaged before your Aunt could destroy them. There are more books containing notes on some of my own spells and potions that I have made whilst at Hogwarts which I'm sure would be of interest to you or one of your friends (I'm sure Miss Granger would enjoy analysing them) please use them with caution as I'm sure you will have realised by now I have created many dangerous spells and I do not want them to end up in the wrong hands.
I truly hope you have a good life and can move forward without the burden you have been forced to shoulder all these years, be safe my son.
Severus Snape
Harry stares at the letter absorbing its content before rising in a daze and turning to look at his body "Harry what is it, what's wrong?" Hermione asks, looking concerned.
He looks at her sadly trying to form words "Snape he left me memories" he manages.
They look at him confused "but, Harry, I thought you'd already seen his memories?"
He shakes his head smiling uncertainly "no not his memories, my memories I think" they look at him in shock and anger "he kept them hidden to protect me. He was still working as a spy and he was worried if Voldermort saw them it might put me in danger, he kept them safe, but he left me something I could use to unlock them"
He walks over to his body looking down at his pale face, he looks more peaceful now that he's been laid down properly with his eyes shut and his wounds cleaned, it looks as though they've even managed to bring a slight bit of colour back to his face. He kneels next to him and the other teachers move away respectfully.
He can't help but remember their last moments together. He had gathered his memories as per his instructions when Snape surprised him by asking him to look at him and staring into his dark obsidian eyes. He could have sworn that he'd seen a tear in his eyes and so much sadness and regret. He thought he'd heard him say that he had his mother's eyes but he'd been in such a state of shock he'd been unsure if he'd just imagined it. His last words had been barely more than a whisper like the air escaping a deflating balloon but he'd sworn that he'd heard him utter the single word sorry with his last dying breath. In that moment he'd forgotten all his hate and felt the sudden inexplicable urge to tell him he'd forgiven him but by then it was too late, he was already gone.
He turns away and his eyes fall on his black wand lying next to him. He reaches out to pick it up reverently, noting the elegant design on the dark wood. He can feel the lingering magic left in it and hugs it to his chest. He takes the man's cold hand in his, still holding the wand tightly between their hands, he chants the words lost boys from the letter, his eyes focused on the dead man's pale face.
He closes his eyes and feels the change instantly; the memory comes back to him with startling clarity, he unlocks a door in his mind and walks through the sensation feels very much like entering a memory in a pensive and just as immersive. He opens his eyes, he's no longer in the Shrieking Shack, he's sat outside underneath one of the trees by the lake, it's pleasantly warm and he can tell that it's evening. He hears a familiar voice talking to him and turns around with a start, he finds himself sitting face to face with Snape alive and well, his face full of colour, his dark eyes glimmering.
"Professor, is it really you? It's so good to see you!" he exclaims, reaching out to hug him. The man doesn't react and his hands go right through him, he looks at them in confusion before he remembers that it's still just a memory. As he sits back down following his Professor's eye line, he turns and is shocked to see himself sitting nearby watching Snape, he notes, with a start how much younger he looks, truly relaxed and happy, not weighed down by the knowledge of what's to come and the daunting task that lies ahead of him. Turning back to his teacher he listens enthralled to him speaking as his own memories come flooding back into him, he notes the difference in him, he sees the real Snape hidden underneath the cold, imposing Potions Master he's so used to, here he is more relaxed and open, there is genuine sadness and remorse in his voice as the man sits in reflection.
The memory ends as abruptly as it began and he finds himself back in the Shrieking Shack. He looks down at his Professor's body once again lifeless. He lifts him, cradling his body in his arms sobbing, wishing he could talk to him again, hug him and let him know that it's ok. At last, he understands he can forgive him, he wishes he can thank him for protecting him all these years silently and secretly even when so many people including himself hated him and thought the worst of him. He sees the pile of letters, his memories of him and his mother, he realises with a start just how much the man has given him and laments over all the lost years.
He remembers how he noted a change in him when he started giving him extra lessons, without the stress of teaching a full class of students his Professor was much more calm and relaxed he even seemed to enjoy his company commenting that it was good to have someone to talk to and help with brewing, it was hard to know what to talk about at first but, slowly they began to find common ground chatting amiably even occasionally letting his guard down and talking about his mother with fondness, rare nuggets of information that he saved away like gold. He even learnt eventually that Snape was the Half-Blood Prince who had so helped him to improve his potions skills and caused Slughorn to sing his praises, the irony of it was not lost on him given how much his potions grades had suffered in the past with Snape looming over him.
Harry found that once he was used to Snape, he enjoyed hearing him give his opinions on his students, recognising the man's distinctive dry sense of humour. He took his time showing Harry how to prepare the potion and explaining what they were doing, Harry would often sense him watching him thoughtfully and sometimes he would take Harry's small hands in his own gently adjusting them and guiding him through the motions till he learnt the best way to stir or cut up the ingredients until it became second nature, in this way he quickly noticed a great improvement in his potions even Snape noticed it acknowledging his success in his own subtle way with a nod or a slight smile.
After a while, Harry began to trust him enough to venture whether he could start teaching him Occlumency again. To his surprise, Snape looked at him seriously and after thinking about it agreed to give it another go. This time around he found it much easier to work with him. Snape went into it willing and took the time to explain the theory and answer his questions and discuss different techniques and he also provided him with more books transfigured to look like standard textbooks
As for Harry himself, he also launched himself into it fully committed to learning to block the connection with Voldemort. Last year he had been so convinced that he could use the connection to do something useful to gather information for the order and help end the war sooner. He also hadn't realised that Voldemort may have been able to use the connection to spy on him and his friends and could potentially use his superior skills to gain such a hold that he might try to possess him and that he had been luring him into a trap. After last year's disastrous rescue attempt when he was so convinced that Sirius was in trouble that he had ended up putting all his friends' lives in danger and ended up losing his beloved Godfather Sirius, he had realised the dangers of the connection far outweighed the benefits. It was a difficult lesson to learn but he was determined not to fail.
At the time Harry had thought this change in his teacher had been very strange but, he realised now after looking back at the memories that he had wanted to make a concerted effort to do better, make up for lost time and bond with him quite possibly realising that he didn't have much time left to do so before it would become impossible.
Chapter 8