Potions and Snitches
Snape and Harry Gen Fanfiction Archive

Chapter 2
Minerva placed one hand on his shoulder, looking at him with concern, "Severus? Are you alright?"

He looks up slightly at her through red-rimmed tear-stained eyes and a curtain of black hair "no Minerva I'm not ok. I held Lily dying in my arms knowing I was too late to save her, I promised Albus I'd protect him for her. I couldn't protect her, I didn't even get a chance to protect him"

She looks at him in shock, wrapping her arms around him and Harry "Oh Severus I never knew, I'm so sorry. You mustn't blame yourself, you did all you could, you tried to save him and you brought him comfort at the end, he died knowing he was loved and wanted."

He allows her and the other teachers to comfort him "no, it wasn't enough. I vowed to protect him for Lily but I didn't do enough to check he was alright, we could have saved him if I'd acted sooner instead of allowing myself to be so willingly blinded by refusing to let go of the past. Do you know what it's like to lose them both?" he pauses "you were never meant to know, I made Albus swear to keep it a secret to protect all of you in case he returned. I didn't want Harry to know I cared. I thought it would be safer and I guess I was worried about how he'd react, how I'd react. I thought it would be better to protect him in secret, I didn't count on him touching my heart though"

"Oh Severus, hush now lad" she said as though he were still one of her students "I know how close you were growing up and how hard it must have been for you to lose her. You must not be so hard on yourself, we are all guilty of neglecting our duty. I could have checked on him easily enough as an animagus and no one would have been any the wiser but I allowed myself to placated and complacent instead of following my own instincts and allowed myself to trust Albus's judgement. We will make this right I swear"

Meanwhile, Albus hurried down through the corridors, he was engaged in a meeting when Severus' Patronus arrived and so didn't notice it until he arrived back in his office. Quickly he found the stone and offered it to his Phoenix Fawkes who seemed to sense the urgency of his task gliding swiftly up and through the corridors. Now he stood in the doorway gazing in shock at the scene that confronted him, Minerva and Severus sat next to each other heads hung low as if in grieving, a small dark bundle was nestled in the man's arms. No, it couldn't be, Harry!

"Severus, what's wrong? What's happened?!" he exclaimed, rushing over, eyes on the bundle in his arms "no Harry! What happened Severus, is he alright?" he asks, kneeling in shock opposite them.

Minerva looks away her eyes full of tears not able to look at him, Severus glares at him accusingly his eyes blazing with fury and still shining with tears his voice comes out hoarse but, angry "it's too late Headmaster, he's dead"

"Dead? No, surely Harry can't be dead? How, what happened?" he replies in a daze, reeling from the shocking news.

"Yes Headmaster, the boy is dead. Dead by the hands of his muggle relatives, no less, he was too far gone for us to heal him" he says feeling all his pent-up rage rising to the surface threatening to explode.

He looks at him in shock "now Severus surely that is a bit of a wild conclusion to jump to are you sure it was his relatives that did this?"

He snaps at this, fully consumed by his rage after all the years of suffering he's endured "I've experienced abuse, I've witnessed it first hand and I've seen the signs in some of my students. I know abuse when I see it and this is abuse, Harry told me himself as he lay dying, how they treated him, telling him he was a freak who deserved to be punished and did not deserve to be treated when he was injured. They hated him for his magic and locked his things away. Petunia was always bitter and jealous, she always called me and Lily freaks even when we were children. Oh yes, no one could upset Lily like her sister did with just a few cruel words, how someone with such a kind heart could be related to her I could never fathom. It broke my heart seeing so much of myself in him"

He paused before continuing to feel his anger burning like a raging inferno "Ironic isn't it The Boy Who Lived, the boy who survived Voldermort's killing curse killed not by magic but by his abusive muggle relatives!'' he glares coldly at him, his eyes blazing, the words cutting through the silence like daggers.

"Severus, I'm so sorry I didn't know, I didn't realize how bad it was. You're right you should never have had to endure that nor should Harry, I've failed you both, I assumed the blood wards reinforced by a loving family would provide him with the best protection, I never imagined they would treat him so badly "

"It's too late for that now, you should have listened to us and let us visit him and check he was ok. I've known her sister since I was a child, I could have told you what kind of people you were placing him with and we could have saved him before it was too late" he says glaring and shaking his head in disappointment.

"He's right Albus, we should have been checking on him, you know we all expressed our concerns, I know you did not want us to interfere for fear of upsetting them further but I could have checked on him discreetly in my Animagus form without them even noticing. We neglected him all these years when we should have been making sure he was safe" Minerva adds.

"I am so sorry Severus. I don't know what to say except that I thought I was doing what was best for him, that they would take good care of him and resent our interference. It is my fault we should have put more safeguards in place to check that he was safe"

"Sorry does not cut it headmaster" Severus told him coldly "He thought I was his Dad, no he chose to call me his Dad even when he recognized me as his teacher. Do you know what else he told me? He said he tried so hard to hang on so he could get here and be a Wizard like his parents. He wanted to learn charms and potions, he wanted to impress me so that I'd teach him to brew potions like his Mother. An innocent child has lost his life because of your decision to place him with a family who hated him and your insistence that he be left there with no one sent to check that he was alright, for that I c an not simply forgive and forget"

He reaches out to touch Harry, Severus recoils, drawing the boy closer to his body and looking angrily at him "don't you touch him!" he hisses "Do you know what it's like? I held his Mother, the only woman I ever loved in my arms as she lay dying knowing I couldn't save her. I gave you my word, on your insistence that I would do everything I could to protect him, to protect Lily's son for her, to honour her memory. That's what you told me, that's what I've worked for these past ten years and for what for nothing!, he would have been safer at Hogwarts than living with those muggles! I couldn't save him, I was too late, everyone I've ever cared about and trusted has betrayed me or died. Do you have any idea how that feels?! I can not do this anymore!" he says his voice choking up with hot, angry tears.

Albus looks away sadly recalling the battle with Grindelwald where he lost it all forced to battle his former best friend, he lost his sister that day because of his selfish actions, the sting of rejection as his own family cut all ties disgusted with him "I do Severus, I carry the grief and the guilt every day like a burden, her death still haunts me as I know that Lily's death haunts you, we have both seen far too much death" he pauses looking up at him "I take it then that you have grown to care for the boy, I was under the impression that you hated him?"

He looks at him in shock then looks away hanging his head as he realises that he almost did hate him "no, not anymore, how could I hate him when I saw him lying there so helpless and vulnerable. He was all I had left of her and the closest thing I had to a son, he accepted me and chose to call me Dad, we had far too little time together. I could have saved him and been a Father figure to him, I could have bonded with him, I could have nurtured his interest in potions and taught him so much, now I will never have the chance, I will never know what we could have had" he breaks down body trembling uncontrollably Minerva draws him to her trying to comfort him as she sees the overwhelming sadness in him.

"Severus my boy, please, believe me, I'm so sorry, you of all people deserved this chance at redemption, this chance to love and be loved just as Harry did. I think you could have helped each other to heal and forget the past. This is my mistake, I promise you I will do everything I can to make amends and seek justice for Harry he will never be forgotten I swear it"

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