Harry closed his trunk with a wide smile before he grabbed his firebolt and slung it over his shoulder. He couldn't wait to see the look on Ron's face! And he couldn't wait to actually test the firebolt out. True, the wards were as tall as the willow tree, but it still wasn't enough space to really let him test the speed of the broom. He did get to talk to Arnold (who had privately told harry to call him grandfather, which made his stomach flip flop happily) about its development though, which had been truly fascinating. He was exceptionally knowledgeable and yet, knew how to talk to Harry about it in a way that he could understand. He was excited to test out the spiralling stabilizers that the broom developer had shown him. That would require attaining a height he just couldn't get in Dover. But as he rushed downstairs he stopped. 

“Where's Professor Snape?” he asked. They were supposed to apparate straight to Hogwarts. Emmeline sighed.

“He had to go, Albus called a core staff meeting to review the upcoming semester.” Emmeline huffed. “He also asked that you not come directly to the school.”

“Oh… so we're going to 9 ¾ after all?”

“Yes. I’ll be riding the train up with you.”

“Huh? Why?”

“Because I haven't ridden the Hogwarts express since I was seventeen?” Emmeline offered with a chuckle. “Am I not allowed?”

“No of course you're allowed!” Harry assured her. Though he was a touch embarrassed at the thought. He could hear Seamus and Dean snickering. Hopefully, she wouldn't nag him like she’d done at the start of the year. That had been the worst. But Emmeline didn't nag him as they arrived at the platform. In fact, as soon as Harry spotted his friends, she seemed to melt into the crowd. Harry did admit, he sort of missed her well wishes but figured she'd find him on the train anyway. 

"So how was Wales?" Harry asked Hermione as they brought their trunks to the baggage train. He loathed to hand his firebolt over to the person loading the car but eventually forced himself to pry his fingers free of the fantastic broom. 

"Very interesting. My grandmother took us to a lot of local museums. It was fascinating to see the things that were happening parallel to the wizarding world in Wales. The dragon revolts coincided with various rebellions and reprisals. I can't help but wonder if they were linked. Or maybe reactionary? I'll have to ask professor Vance about it in class."

"Or you can ask her on the train." Harry reasoned. "She's riding with us."

"Oh? Why?"

"Nostalgia I think." Harry guessed. "But I also think she's worried. The death eaters have been pretty quiet the last few weeks. Part of that is the holiday I think. They've all got fancy gallas and partys to attend and organize. I think she's worried they might compensate for their lost time."

"What happened to, they won't attack if their children might be injured?" Harry rolled his eyes.

"I never said it was logical. Just what I thought." He drawled. Hermione blinked.

"You know you've been acting a lot like professor Snape this year." She remarked. Harry blinked. "Not the old one, of course. But still."

"Oh… er… well I guess it's cause I spent so much time around him." Harry reasoned. Hermione nodded.

"Makes sense."

"Hermione! Harry!"

"Ron!" Harry cried with a grin. "How were your holidays mate?"

"Awful!" Ron bemoaned desperately. "Aunt Muriel was worse than ever. She complained about my eyes this time! Said they were too blue. What the bloody hell am I supposed to do about that?!" Harry chuckled.

"Well just wait until we get to Hogwarts, then I can show you what I got for Christmas. It'll drive you mental, I'm sure of it." 

"Can I have a hint?" Ron asked excitedly. But Harry stubbornly refused to say anything. Not even when Seamus and Dean popped in for a spell to beg, then came back a bit later with Neville to beg some more. It was about 2:30 when Emmeline finally found them.

"Harry darling there you are! So sorry I didn't board with you, I was stopped by another student and their mother. She was very concerned about her NEWTS. Wants to become an archaeologist." Emmeline's tone turned a bit scathing "mostly wanted me to assure her mother it was a legitimate career path." Harry grinned as the professor let out a huff before giving a smile to his friends "how were your holidays Mr. Wealsey, Miss. Granger."

"Quite lovely, thank you."

"Not great," Ron admitted with a sigh. Emmeline winced.

"I take Muriel is still as difficult as always?"

"You've met?"

"Once."

"Yeah, she is."

"Ah." Harry laughed.

Then there was a great lurch. 

The four of them really were unseated as the train came to a sudden, screeching, halt. The bags that Hermione and Ron had stowed up above tumbled from the shelf and Harry had to jump to avoid being concussed. Hermione was not so lucky. She gave a loud scream as the bag landed on her leg with a crunch. Then the train car began to tilt. Harry gave a cry of alarm as suddenly they we sliding down the bank of the tracks. As the car finally stop sliding, thankfully not tipping over, Emmeline leaned out of the compartment and gave a shout up and down the train. 

"Everyone remain calm!" She bellowed. Everyone did not do that. They all gave panicked whimpers and looked around frantically. Then suddenly the rear door to the cars opened.

"ALRIGHT!" came a loud, stupid-sounding roar. "I WANT ALL YOU LITTLE KIDDIES TO KEEP YOUR MOUTHS FIRMLY SHUT!" Emmeline immediately ducked back into the compartment, pale as milk. "We're here for Harry Potter! Stay out of our way, and we ain't gonna hurt ya!"

"Who-" Ron began with a whisper.

"Death eaters," Emmeline muttered before she peered cautiously into the hallway again. They were going up the train, compartment by compartment. There were only two she could see, but she figured there had to be more guarding the outside. They had separated the baggage car from the looks of it, but the engine appeared to still be attached. If they could get up to the front of the train, Emmeline was sure she could barricade the toilets, which would provide just enough time for her message to be heard and for help to arrive. She went back into the compartment. "Expecto Patronum." The pheasant lit the space up brightly, which Emmeline winced at. Anyone outside must have seen that light, in the early gloaming. "Go to Severus. The train has been attacked. Harry and I are in the toilets at the front of the train. Hurry!"  Then the bird whizzed off. That definitely caught their attention. Harry was about to ask a question when Emmeline grabbed his hand and pulled him into the hall. Sure enough, the pair were trying to rush up the aisle, their white skull masks sinister under their black pointed hoods. Emmeline immediately fired a curse before she pushed Harry ahead. "Run!" Harry didn't need to be told twice. He rushed for the front of the train as Emmeline held their pursuers back. Then another emerged from an entrance further up the train. Harry began firing his own spells at the man, though his skill was not nearly as impressive as Emmeline's. When a spell nearly struck Harry Emmeline whipped around and threw a petrifying curse at the man, who topped over.

Then a death eater sent a wicked-looking blue spell at Emmeline while she was distracted. Harry heard the ripping noise, smelt and then saw the blood that soaked through Emmeline's coat as she turned back around, gasping in pain, and fired two more curses at the death eaters. Harry yelped as she wobbled before he began holding her up.

"Take us to the front Harry." Emmeline wheezed, even as she continued to shout and fling spells. No more death eaters emerged behind them, though several did through the front. Harry heard various screams as Hogwarts students ducked into their compartments to avoid stray spells. Then suddenly there was a bang and several seventh years, including Percy Weasley, rushed out of their compartments, right as the death eaters passed. Harry made a noise of shock before he began frantically dragging Emmeline into the toilets. 

"Okay, we're here! The others - the seventh years- the other death eaters- why would Percy - what should I do?" Harry cried in a panic, unsure which thought was the most urgent.

"Harry," Emmeline slurred, growing paler by the minute. "I need you to set up wards. At the base of the door, scratch out a Thurisaz. Then I need you to place these spells. Salvio Hexia, Protego Totalum, and Salvio Sancti." 

"Okay!" Harry cried before he dove and did just that. he had to transfigure a provided Bobby pin into a sharp needle to etch the rune, but once he did placing the spells was easy. They felt much sturdier for the rune, which made Harry finally breathe a sigh of relief. "Okay, what now?" Harry asked. Then he froze. Emmeline was slumped over, sitting in a slowly growing pool of blood. "MUM!" he dove and pulled her upright, which drew a small groan from her but filled Harry's heart with hope. "Come on mum you've gotta stay awake! Dad'll come and he'll make everything better like he always does!" Harry sobbed, so relieved that she was still alive that he wasn't even registering how he'd slipped. How he'd admitted his greatest wish. "You just gotta stay awake! Come on, please! Don't close your eyes!" Harry begged. Slowly, with much effort, Emmeline opened her sluggish eyelids.

"You're doing wonderfully dearest." She slurred. Harry choked on a sob.

"Please don't close your eyes!" He sobbed. "I don't know what I'd do without you!"

"Hush sweetheart I'm here," Emmeline whispered. Her eyes began to droop again. "I'm so tired."

"No!" Harry cried. "Stay awake! Keep your eyes open!" Then suddenly someone was banging on the door. Emmeline instantly snarled.

"Come in! I dare you! You touch one hair of his head I'll eviscerate you!" Then she lifted a shaky hand, but after just a few moments couldn't hold it up any longer. That one final act of protective defiance drained the last of the colour from her face and she slumped over again. 

"MUM!" Harry sobbed as he lifted his own wand. Then the door was finally forced open. Harry's eyes blew out. "DAD! Dad, you have to save her!" He sobbed. Severus was already on his knees, pulling Emmeline into his shaking arms. His breath was frozen in his chest and his mind was trapped in a horrible memory on loop. No. No no no no no. Not again! He wouldn't let it happen again. He reached out a hand and grabbed Harry's shoulder.

"Oddment!" He bellowed. Harry blinked before something that felt let a hook just behind his navel gave him a yank and he was consumed in a spiral of colours. Then just as suddenly as it began, the hook let go and he landed, quite hard, on the floor of the hospital wing. "POPPY! POPPY!"

"Over here! Put her here! Oh, dear sweet Merlin Harry!" The matron cried as she glanced past Severus to the boy. Severus whipped around and notice for the first time that Harry's chest was covered in blood. It had soaked into the new jumper that Emmeline had knit for him, and was seeping into his jeans below. His knees were also slowly collecting blood and the poor boy was crying. Sobbing like an Infant. Severus immediately rushed to him, horrified. But closer inspection showed that his only injuries were a pair of split knees from the hard fall into the unforgiving stone. 

"Tell me mum is gonna be okay!" Harry sobbed into his robes. "Please she has to be okay!"

"Emmeline will be fine dear!" Poppy assured him, even as she frantically poured blood-replenishing potions down her throat and prayed that it was not too late. Severus was torn, frantically uncertain between checking on Emmeline and comforting Harry. But then the door opened and Minerva rushed in, holding one of her lions aloft. All of the staff had rushed to the train as soon as Emmeline's Patronus had interrupted the meeting and arrived to a train in chaos. Several of the seventh years students had sprung into action, defending the younger years against half a dozen death eaters. Two of them had still been fighting in the hallway when Severus forced his way through Emmeline's very impressive ward network, for something thrown up on the fly. Percival Weasley seemed to be the ring leader of the operation, which had caused Severus to soften his earlier opinion of the boy. Yes, he was a nosy arrogant busybody, but at least he could be assured of the boy's moral character. Behind Minerva Filius was levitating two more students, both unconscious. he once again thanked heaven above for Albus's special password-protected portkeys. Though he still wished the man would change his ludicrous passwords.

"More are incoming!" Minerva hollered. "All of the death eaters were captured."

"Who?"

"Augustus Rookhood, Daedalus Flint, Benjamin Tatters, Winston McTavish, and Walden McNair." Minerva listed with distaste.

"Oh, how convenient that none of them have children in Hogwarts anymore," Remus remarked with a heavy frown. "I hope the others that do have second thoughts for a change." Then he looked up at Severus. The man was pale, shaking like a leaf and generally unstable. Then suddenly the dam broke. The man lifted a hand to his eyes and began silently sobbing. Minerva looked momentarily stunned, and Filius nearly dropped one of the students he was levitating. Remus set the seventh-year Ravenclaw, who looked equally mesmerized, on a bed and rushed to the man's side. "Come on," he said as he practically carried the man out of the growing chaos of the hospital. "Sit." He said as he guided the man into a chair. "Close your eyes and breathe. Use those Occlumency skills of yours. Breathe. Harry is safe. Emmeline is safe. They're both safe." He repeated this mantra over and over until Severus finally let out a shuddery sigh.

"Remus." He muttered, "thank you."

"Unlike everyone else in that room, that was not my first time seeing a panic attack," Remus admitted with a chuckle. "You tend to see a lot of them when you're a professor people see as approachable. They come to you for their worries." Severus nodded even as he swallowed more gasps. "Comes with being younger I guess. Wonder if Emmeline has had to coax someone out too?" Severus let his eyes drift closed. He could still see her. Crumbled on the floor (leaning on the crib).

Crumbled.

Broken.

Gone. 

"Oh god." Severus moaned as he smashed his palms into his eyes. Remus squeezed his shoulder.

"Breathe." He reminded him. Severus choked before he climbed to his feet. 

"I have to check on Harry. Make sure he's alright!" 

"Severus," Albus' voice suddenly called from behind them. Both men turned to the headmaster, which still ruddy-faced and distressed, the other annoyed. Now? Albus really thought that now was a good time?

"Albus-" Remus began warningly. It really couldn't be a worse time!

"Albus, I need to check on Harry!" Severus argued before Remus could voice his full complaint. The man smiled serenely. 

"And so you shall. But in a few minutes. I think," the man paused, rubbing his beard and looking skyward. "Yes, I think now would be the best time. Considering everything." He turned to Severus with a sad expression. "For I owe you an apology, Severus. I have been unfair, and I have-" the man cut himself off. "Now is not the place. Can you please come to my office? I promise that once I am done, you may check on Harry and Emmeline for as long as you would like." Severus let out an exhausted sigh but followed the old man regardless. Remus stayed by the door before he turned into the hospital wing himself.

Severus settled into the chair already dreading this conversation. Albus had been unusually quiet as they marched up to his office. He was contemplative, which worried Severus. In his experience, a contemplative Dumbledore was never a good sign. It meant something grim had occurred.

"The year was 1979." Albus finally began, after a minute of sitting in his office, listening to his table of odd instruments tick and whirl. " It was December. A couple of weeks before Christmas. I'm sure you remember this part." Severus closed his eyes. 

How would he ever forget?

December 3rd, 1979

"I think it's grand!" Emmeline argued with a chuckle. 

"You didn't grow up Anglican!" Severus argued as he stared up at the mildly frightening angel on the top of their Christmas tree. Yes, it was a little early, but Emmeline had wanted to be extra festive in their first house, and Severus wasn't about to rebuke her for her enthusiasm. He liked her enthusiasm. 

"And a star is better? I think it's supposed to represent the star that led the wise men?" Emmeline reminded. Severus snorted.

"Well, at least the star doesn't have eyes!" Emmeline laughed and return to the sofa, snuggling into his side before giving him a gentle kiss. 

"Well, I like the angel. I think it's beautiful."

"You're beautiful." Severus argued, "that thing is just creepy." Emmeline laughed again when suddenly an owl tapped at their window. Emmeline scrambled off, despite Severus' whine of disappointment, and retrieved the letter. She recognized the creme station art instantly.

"It's from Dumbledore." She muttered before she held it out to him. Severus scanned the letter quickly.

Dear Severus,

I hope this letter finds you well this holiday season.

That being said, and you know I'd hate to do this, but something has come up. 

Seems those old trouble makers I've told you about got into my yard again. They made a right good mess, but my gardener thinks she can fix it though.

We need your help however. Delicate fingers and all that. Not to mention your connections. Could you please come at your earliest convenience. Preferably before the holidays are over. I really want these flowers delivered on time. 

Best wishes and seasons greetings,

Beed Alewise

Severus let the letter settle with a pained expression. 

"What is it?" Emmeline asked. Severus sighed.

"Albus has a mission for me. He needs it down before the holidays. It's another one of Potter's damned fool schemes." Severus muttered as he trailed a hand through his hair. Emmeline sighed. 

"Go." She finally said. Severus stared at her in shock. "We'll have more Christmases. Yes, this was meant to be our first one, but there will be more. Besides, maybe it'll actually work out this time and you'll be able to make it home before Christmas!"

"One of Potter's schemes? Working? Emmeline darling I think you've had just a bit too much eggnog." Severus argued with a roll of his eyes. Emmeline huffed and bat her hand.

"Well, you never know! There's a first for everything and I'm trying to be optimistic!" Severus smiled before he flipped the parchment over and summon a quill to own his reply."

"I felt terrible for dragging you away like that," Albus muttered. "It was unfair." Severus didn't comment. He'd had 13 years to grow bitter about that letter. It had been the catalyst that ruined everything. "Of course, for once, James' scheme did actually work. And with your help, we were able to play the listening devices with ease. And thanks to Lily's clever charms, they never suspected a thing! Truly ingenious really, disgusting a listening device as a piece of thread and then magically sewing it into a seam. And as long as the thread was strategically placed they were highly effective as well."

"For all the good it did," Severus muttered darkly. Because that particular operation hadn't amounted to much a year and 10 months later when James and Lily Potter drew their last breaths. Because he'd never thought to plant a listening device on Black, and he'd never be able to plant one on Voldemort. 

"Well, it did do one thing," Albus said before he opened a drawer and withdrew a light green, well-thumbed envelope.  He stared at the letter for a few moments. "This letter was delivered to me on November first. It appeared on my desk alongside another, imploring me to pass it on to its true recipient." Albus looked up at Severus. "But I did not listen. I was desperate for answers you see. And I was fearful of what this letter might contain. So I opened it and I read its contents. And I have kept its secret for 12 years. I was," Albus paused and looked down at the letter with sad eyes. "I was uncertain if what the sender thought was true. I didn't believe that you could be-," he trailed off again before he shook his head, "But today… today my eyes have been opened. I had far too little faith in you my friend. you proved me quite wrong today. I think that I do not need to keep this a secret any longer.” Then he held out the letter to Severus and stood up when he took it, then moved to the window, staring at it contemplatively. Severus flipped it over and nearly choked. There is the unmistakably loopy handwriting of Lily Potter was his name, scrawled in her favourite green ink on her typical light green stationery. He cautiously opened the letter with a shaky breath. But the second he say the date his hands began to tremble. 

July 31st 1980

She had written this the day Harry was born. 

And she'd written it to him.

And Severus felt a horrible twisting in his gut.

Dear Severus,

As I write this letter, I'm overcome with a sense of grief.

Grief for myself, for I feel in my bones that I will not live to see the end of this war. 

Grief for you, because I know you will blame yourself for it, even if you aren't connected to it at all.

Oh how little she'd known

Grief for my son, who may never grow up with a mother, if the rumours I've heard are true. Which, if they are, I'd like to preface with my utter disappointment. 

One drunken mistake is not worth throwing away your best shot at happiness Severus! In fact, as my final wish, I command that if they are indeed true (and even if they aren't for that matter!) you will find Emmeline Vance and you will kiss the living daylights out of her. Because you deserve each other! Of that, there can be no doubt!

I know Emmeline and I had not always gotten on.

And I shamefully admitted my reasons that drunken night in question. 

But I always felt, seeing you together, that you were a good fit.

Which is why I loathed myself so much to get between you.

I will never truly know why I did it. Drunkenness and jealousy could not be the only reasons. 

But I will say, as I stared at the beautiful creation in front of me, that I can not regret it now. 

Even if I feel like I've stolen someone else's dream. 

Your dream.

But I could not help but feel it was for the best. You were throwing yourself into more and more dangerous missions, burying yourself in your work and seemingly trying to drive yourself into an early grave (no doubt in some kind of twisted act of penance, which is highly overvalued. Most men would just sleep on a couch for a bit. But Severus Snape takes near suicide missions) 

For the good of both of you, we had to keep this secret.

James was happy to help. He's extremely excited. Sirius too. They'll make such excellent parents one day. James says I'm too optimistic. But I think he's still stuck in the pure-blood mindset. Someday they'll be free to walk proudly and not have to fear what anyone will say. Maybe in 10 years, maybe in 20, but I know it will change. Call it another feeling in my bones. 

I named him Harrison. I know your grandfather was someone you admired, though I'm not sure if that's true anymore. Hopefully, it is, otherwise, my sweet gesture will have backfired horribly. 

He's very small. The healers say proper nutrition and supplements should have him at the average height by his teens. Magic truly is amazing.

I wonder if he'll need glasses like you did…

Oh, listen to me rambling. I haven't even gotten to the important bits!

If you're reading this letter. Then I'm dead and gone, but you're still here.

And Harry is going to need you.

Need you to be the father I know you dreamed you'd be.

And if you are still with Emeline. I need you to apologize for me.

For stealing her dream.

Even though I'm sure if you are still together, Harry is probably now the oldest of a nearly Weasley-sized brood!

If you're not, then you need to apologize and fix that.

Because even a year is too long to brood over one drunken fumble. 

Even for you.

I wish you all the best Severus.

Please tell Harry I love him. 

And don't you dare worry!

You will be the best father in the world.

Of that, I have no doubt.

Love and regrets, 

Lily

Severus let the letter fall to the desk with weak fingers.

Harry was his son.

Harry was his son.

"Severus?" 

Severus looked up at this man.

And saw red.

"How dare you." He whispered. Then he sprang to his feet. "HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU KEEP MY SON FROM ME! HOW DARE YOU SEND HIM TO LIVE WITH THOSE AWFUL PEOPLE! HOW DARE YOU LIE TO ME! HOW DARE YOU TRY AND KEEP HIM FROM ME AGAIN!" Severus screamed, spitting with fury, as he charged at the old man until he had practically pinned him against the wall. "I never want you to be alone in a room with him ever again." Then he turned and tore down the states, two at a time and rushed for the hospital wing. And all the while his mantra repeating:

Harry is my son.

Harry is my son!

He pushed open the door with a flair for dramatic he typically reserved for intimidating first years. Then he froze in his tracks. 

Emmeline.

"Oh, Severus!" The woman cried with a relieved smile. "Thank goodness. Were you the one who came for us? Harry conked out as soon as Poppy gave him a calming draft apparently. The poor dear was completely wiped out." 

Severus crossed the hospital wing as quickly as he could before he grabbed Emmeline's cheeks and mashed their mouths together in a heated kiss. The woman made a shocked moan before she threaded a hand into his hair as the other clung to the front of his robes to keep upright. Severus didn't care, he just continued to express every drop of relief at her continued living and affection in that slow kiss. Then someone cleared their throat. Severus broke away, breathless and a bit frantic. Emmeline for her part just looked a bit dazed, but also pleased. The offended party was Minerva, who was glancing at them over her spectacles in a way which very much made the pair feel like teenagers once again, caught in one of their little secret alcoves.

"A bit of decorum in front of students please." She murmured, though she was slowly forming a smile. "Though I am very happy for you." Then she walked away. Emmeline was the first to fully recover, running a hand down his front to straighten his robes. But once she was finished her hands remained, though much gentler. 

"I'm sorry," Severus mumbled. He'd rushed into that with little to no regard for Emmeline's own wishes and cares, so desperate to reassure himself that she was indeed alive. 

"I've been waiting 13 years for that kiss," Emmeline argued with a smirk. "As the wise old muggles say, 'better late than never'." Then she leaned up and kissed him again. And Severus basked in it. Even as he contemplated the secrets he still kept, and the ones that had been revealed.