Potions and Snitches
Snape and Harry Gen Fanfiction Archive

Chapter 23 - Sins of the Father

Emmeline still felt herself occasionally reeling with how affectionate Severus had been feeling lately. Case in point, he'd come up to her office, during lunch, to give her a kiss on the cheek and to remind her to eat. She remembered that he was attentive in their youth, but he was almost indulgent now. At first, she was certain it was a symptom of her injury, which even she knew had been a very close thing. Harry had been beside himself with worry over her. The entire conversation in the toilets was a bit fuzzy, save when she told him how to lay the wards (something Severus had been momentarily stunned about), but she had a distinct feeling that he had called her mum again.

Emmeline never knew how to feel when she heard that.

On the one hand, it made her heart twist, because she'd dreamed of being called that her whole life, nearly.

On the other, she was not his mother. His mother was dead and gone, and she and Lily hadn't exactly been friends.

In fact, a contemporary viewer might even say they'd despised each other.

Except Emmeline hadn't truly hated lily.

Oh, she'd been jealous, make no mistake.

After all, Lily was smart, pretty, and funny. She'd known Severus for years. And even after their falling out, which is when Emmeline had entered the picture, she still caught Severus occasionally watching the redhead, with a sad longing that Emmeline recognized from all her own years of pining.

When they had graduated and left her behind, Emmeline had been certain that Severus would leave her, and try again with Lily.

But then his mother died, and suddenly Severus seemed to forget all about Lily. Something about her not bothering to come to the funeral had taken the majesty away from Lily in Severus' eyes.

She was still beautiful, still funny, and still smart.

But Severus couldn't trust her anymore.

Emmeline wondered if Lily ever realized her mistake. If she had regretted it.

Severus' affection, however, was not falling equally.

She realized it at the end of her first class back.

After a week of convalescence, lying on her stomach in the hospital wing The student body was ecstatic to see her, though they also showered her with get-well-soon cards and candies.

But she couldn't be happy. Because the second her third years had come into the class, happy to see her and excited to get back to work, she could see it.

Harry was absolutely miserable.

She couldn't fathom why. Until she thought about all the attention Severus had been showering on her. Could Severus have forgotten Harry, in the depth of his returning emotions for her? Emmeline sighed.

"Mr. Potter," she called as the students were preparing for class to end. "please remain behind." Harry winced and waited as everyone else filtered out of the room.

"Did I do something wrong, professor?"

"No, I just wanted to check up on you. How have you been feeling since the attack?" Harry shrugged. Emmeline pursed her lips.

"Harry, have you been having nightmares again?" The boy flinched. "Don't lie to me, " Emmeline said warningly. So Harry nodded. Emmeline sighed. "Why haven't you gone to Severus?" Emmeline asked worriedly. Harry's expression twisted into a scowl.

"I tried! But every time I want to talk to him, he has an excuse for why he can't! He's been avoiding me! I actually saw him turn around and go another way yesterday when I was walking towards him." His angry expression crumpled. "I just don't know what I did wrong. I tried to ask him, but he just got this weird expression on his face and told me to get to class." Emmeline frowned. That was odd behaviour, even for Severus. "Do… do you think it's cause I called him dad?" Harry mumbled with a blush creeping up his face. "I didn't mean to. It just kinda slipped out. I know he didn't like my real dad so maybe he's angry about that?"

"Oh Harry, even Severus wouldn't be that petty," Emmeline assured him. Then she put her hands on his shoulders. "I'll talk to him. In the meantime, try to get proper sleep tonight. And if you do have a nightmare, remember to breathe. You're safe at Hogwarts." Harry nodded slowly, which Emmeline felt wasn't very encouraging. But she dismissed him nonetheless. Then she sighed and headed to the staff room.


Remus settled in beside Emmeline with a smile. He could tell she was stressed.

"Rough week?"

"You have no idea," Emmeline muttered. She'd been so excited to get back to work, but Remus couldn't help but worry that she'd pushed herself a bit too much. She looked absolutely bushed.

"Severus helps though?" Remus asked with a small smile. He was genuinely happy for her if he was. If he wasn't, however, they would be having…words.

"Yes and no," Emmeline muttered as she rubbed her temples. "He's a perfect gentleman to me. But for some reason, he's been avoiding Harry "

"Well I'm sure it must be awkward" Remus reasoned with a sigh. He hadn't exactly been not upset when he'd managed to get it out of Albus. The signs had all been there of course, but of course, as usual, he had failed to notice them until it was, in some semblances, too late. Once he had found out about it all though, he'd been on the old man's case to actually tell Severus. He'd even threatened to do it himself! But then Albus chose the worst possible moment. Remus was a bit upset with himself. He probably should have been the one to tell him. It would have been easier. Even if he probably would have been hexed.

"Awkward? What do you mean?"

Remus froze.

"He still hasn't told you?!" He cried in horror.

"Told me what?" Emmeline asked with slowly narrowing eyes. Remus groaned and rubbed his temples.

"Emmeline… has Severus ever told you why he left you?" Remus asked her genuinely. Emmeline paled slightly.

"No," she admitted. "We … we don't talk about it."

"Ask him." Remus insisted a touch annoyed now. He'd have to admit it then. He couldn't hide. "And don't let him try and weasel out of it." Emmeline frowned.

"Remus I don't-"

"Trust me, Emmeline. This is very important. You know I wouldn't insist if it wasn't." He urged with a sigh. Emmeline then stood, looking shaken, but also a bit frustrated. As Remus watched her go he felt lost in reminiscence. He remembered when he'd first met her. Just thirteen and so bubbly. He'd not expected it from a Slytherin and had been glad to consider her a friend. She'd been so different from most of the other students. Fantastically athletic, but yet not quidditch obsessed. Academically focused, but not above having fun. Remus wasn't above admitting that he had been enamoured with her for a time. But Severus and her had fallen for each other before he'd had a chance to see if it could have amounted to anything. And by the time they had crumbled, Remus had lost interest, distracted by other things.

Other things that hadn't wanted anything to do with him.

Not that way anyway.

Remus sighed.

How had their lives ended up like this?

But then again.

Remus shook his head. There were good and bad parts after all. And he wasn't going to forsake the good, just because he was feeling momentarily depressed.


Emmeline hesitated as she approached Severus' office. What could this man be hiding from her that would make Harry so miserable? And how did Remus know?! The longer she stood, the more annoyed and frustrated she became until she finally knocked on the door, with such frustration she nearly pounded on it. Severus cautiously opened the door, looking apprehensive, until he saw her and pulled it open fully.

"Emmeline!" He said with a slight smile. But then his expression tightened. "What's wrong?"

"We need to talk," Emmeline said coldly. Severus flinched.

"Emmeline you of all people should know how utterly terrifying those words are." He muttered.

"Good! I'm glad they terrify you! Especially since I know you've been hiding something from me." Emmeline snarled. Severus blinked.

"What do you mean?"

"Why did you break up with me?" Emmeline demanded. Severus froze.

"Emmeline-"

"Don't you dare make some excuse, Severus! I deserve to know! It's been 13 years! I was fine to dismiss it when we finally reconnected after all those years, but now I find you're hiding something and it's linked to it."

"Why does it matter?" Severus cried, sounding uncharacteristically frantic.

"Why won't you just tell me!" Emmeline shouted back.

"What do you want me to say!" Severus demanded, finally showing some of that infamous temper. "Do you want me to say that you were just a phase?! That I left once I'd gotten what I wanted from you?! That I was only with you out of pity?! That I never loved you?!" Severus snarled cruelly. Emmeline was getting paler with each word until she swallowed roughly.

"If that's the truth…" she whispered, though her heart felt like spun glass.

"WELL ITS, NOT!" Severus roared in frustration. "I love you with every fibre of my soul. You were the only thing that kept me going. The only light in a world of darkness that has been slowly drowning me for decades!" Severus admitted in exhaustion.

"Then why did you leave me?!" Emmeline sobbed, one part relieved, one part still desperately hurt at the horrible things he'd said to her in his anger. "Just tell me! Why did you leave me?! Tell me!"

"BECAUSE I CHEATED ON YOU!"

Emmeline froze. She stared at this man, who was now burying his eyes in his hands looking utterly broken.

"Who-"

"Who do you think?"

Emmeline felt that bitter thorny vine twist around her fragile heart.

"When?"

"I would think that was obvious."

"That mission… just before Christmas … how-"

"The typical way."

"Don't be obtuse."

"There was a party. After it was over. Potter insisted. I think he mostly wanted to brag. One of his hair-brained schemes actually worked for a change."

Emmeline nodded. That made sense anyway.

"Why?"

At this Severus let out a defeated groan.

"Because I was drunk? Because she was drunk? Because she was unhappy, but I wasn't? Because I was there? Because I was a fool? Emmeline, I have asked myself that question for 13 years, and not one of my answers has ever seemed true. I couldn't tell you why. I still don't know why myself." Severus finished as he dropped himself into his desk chair, once again hiding his face in his hands, posture screaming his shame to the world. Emmeline sighed and took a step closer to him.

"You know the most tragic part of this Severus," Emmeline began, with a gentle smile. "Is that I would have forgiven you. It might have taken a while, and you definitely would have been sleeping on the couch…" maybe even the floor, considering just who he… "but I would have forgiven you."

"I wouldn't have wanted you to, " Severus declared firmly. "Because I wouldn't have deserved it. I barely deserve it now."

"Oh Severus," Emmeline sighed with a sad smile. "You are such a martyr." Then suddenly her mind went blank. "Harry." She whispered. The man stilled beside her, confirming her suspicions. "But? Surely James!"

"Seems he was too busy getting buggered by the man that sold him to the dark lord," Severus muttered tiredly. "I suppose those rumours about Sirius being gay weren't all false."

"I heard people joke!" Emmeline cried. "but I never thought - James and Sirius… how tragic."

"Lily was James' front," Severus explained. "A way to appear straight in certain social circles. But Lily hadn't thought about the pressures that would place on her. She was desperately unhappy, and felt isolated from James' 'real' life." The potions master's face sunk into his hand again. "She wanted… well, It's quite clear what she wanted evidently. She sent a letter, spelled to deliver itself to Dumbledore upon her death. He was supposed to pass it on to me, But Dumbledore refused to deliver it, believing he knew better than everyone, as usual." Severus finished angrily. "In it, she revealed the truth, she also wanted me to find you and quote 'kiss the living daylights' out of you. I will admit I'd been thinking about doing it for a while. And I was so relieved to see you awake and alive."

"It was nice," Emmeline assured him with a smile. "Even if Minerva didn't approve." The man smiled before it slipped away again.

"She'd kept his parentage a secret because of all the dangerous missions I'd taken on after I left you. She correctly guessed that I was doing them as a means of self-induced punishment for the way I had betrayed you. She felt that my life had become too dangerous and that it would be better for everyone to think he was James and Lily's son, not mine. But she also thought that if she should die, I should at least know, and better yet, that I should be a part of his life."

"So why haven't you been?!" Emmeline demanded, putting her hands on her hips. "Harry says you've been avoiding him! I thought-" Emmeline paused, then her mouth dropped open briefly. "You haven't told him yet?!"

"What am I supposed to say?" Severus demanded with a wince. "The boy is 13! I'm fairly certain he doesn't want to know about my drunkenly buggering his mother at a Christmas party!"

"Well, you don't have to say it so crassly." Emmeline scowled with a glower. Severus sighed.

"I will tell him." He assured her. "I will… just… not yet."

"Then when?" Emmeline demanded in frustration. "The semester won't last forever, Severus, and as far as Harry knows, he's still alone in the world. I know he'll be overjoyed to return to Dover, but you can't just make excuses for the rest of his life. Lily was right to tell you the truth, you deserve to know, but so does he!"

"Alright!" Severus cried in exhaustion. "Just… I need a few days to… wrap my head around it all." Severus finished tiredly.

"Well fine," Emmeline said with exhaustion. "But in the meantime, stop avoiding the poor dear! He is driving himself spare trying to figure out how he upset you and it's not doing him any favours." Severus sighed again then reached for her hand. Emmeline looked at it and took in Severus' repentant face. Then she rolled her eyes. "Oh, I forgive you, you bloody fool. Wouldn't make much sense to punish you now, since you've been doing it to yourself for nearly half your life."

"I'm still not sure I deserve that," Severus admitted with a sigh. "But I will endeavour to prove I do." Emmeline rolled her eyes and placed a gentle kiss on his temple.

"Now I know where Harry gets his terrible habit of blaming himself for everything. Didn't realize things like that could be genetic!" Severus did give a weak weary chuckle as she left his office.


"So he finally told you," Remus remarked with a chuckle as he and Emmeline walked through the grounds on the shockingly mild spring morning. "Was it like pulling teeth?"

"Worse," Emmeline admitted with a sigh. "He said some rather cruel things. But it was mostly because he was scared and frustrated, and his temper has not gotten better with age." Emmeline admitted with a sigh. At Remus' worried look, she batted the worry away. "Oh he would never say such things to Harry, and he felt terrible for saying them to me. He's not used to talking to people who actually care how he feels about them. Harry especially. But then I think Severus actually cares about what Harry thinks. And he's not used to that either, wanting to please someone."

"Hmm."

"How did you know about all this Remus?" Emmeline demanded. "How did you find out before me?" Remus stopped.

"I was there." Remus finally admitted. "At the Christmas party. I was there. I watched Severus and Lily leave the party and then watched Severus leave later. The smell gave away what he'd been up to. I didn't think about Harry until later. They look alike. But I don't think most people would notice unless it was right in front of them. I only noticed just before the holidays. Harry had a very distinctly 'Severus' expression. I immediately went to Albus and made him confirm my suspicions. I was the one that finally convince him to tell Severus, to confirm it if the man had suspicions, though he ended up picking the worst possible time."

"When?"

"Right after the train attack."

"Of course." Emmeline drawled bitterly. That really couldn't have been a worse time.

"Did he? Have suspicions I mean."

"No," Emmeline admitted. "He'd assumed that Harry had been carried to term."

"So did I," Remus muttered. "But I probably should have known better. James only had eyes for Sirius back then." Remus trailed off, the deep sadness of betrayal swimming in his eyes. Emmeline sighed. Then she frowned.

"Why were you watching Severus so closely that night? For you to notice them leaving."

"I wasn't watching Severus," Remus admitted. "I was watching Lily." Emmeline froze.

"You? And Lily?!"

"No," Remus said with a bitter smile. "No, Lily didn't want anything to do with me. Not like that anyway, to her, we were just friends. But… a man can dream."

"You… probably hate Severus as much as he hates you," Emmeline muttered. Remus chuckled.

"I did. For a very very long time, I did. I hated him because Lily chose him over me. And I hated him for leaving her anyway. For how he'd gotten everything I'd ever wanted, and then thrown it all away. But I don't hate him anymore. I can see that it was petty and sad and that I wasted some of the best years of my life being bitter and angry over something I couldn't control. Lily never loved me, and don't think she ever would have, and I've come to accept that. It's just the way things are." Emmeline gave him a sad smile before the pair continued to take their leisurely walk. "So how did Harry take this revelation? Mixed feelings I presume?"

"Severus hasn't told him yet." Remus smacked himself on the forehead.

"Of course not! Honestly! You'd think with how angry he is with Albus about this that he'd be more willing to share with Harry!"

"He's willing!" Emmeline cried with a sigh. "He just… isn't quite certain how he should tell him."

"Hmm," Remus muttered. "Yes, I suppose it will be quite awkward."

"Quite." Emmeline agreed with a chuckle.

"If he still hasn't told him before the end of the semester, I will." Remus declared. Emmeline chuckled.

"I'll be sure to pass that message along. After I explain how you knew of course. That will probably make him start outwardly hating you again." Emmeline admitted with a sigh. Remus chuckled.

 

"Well, it's a good thing I'm used to that!"


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