Whatever It Takes by SanctuaryAngel

Harry Potter woke up with a splitting headache.

Blinking slowly, he waited for the room to stop spinning, but his eyes were hit by sunbeams from the stained-glass window beside his bed. He could sense a shuffle within the room, and a voice sounded in which he could barely make out. Immediately, the curtains were drawn, and his vision began to return. Once he came to, he could make out a figure sitting at the foot of his bed, which startled him.

"It's alright, Harry," Hermione said gently, as she filled up a glass with a pitcher of water beside him, "Here. You must be parched."

Harry did not speak against that and gratefully took the glass, downing the liquid in one go. "What time is it?" He looked around blearily and noticed he was still in the Gryffindor dormitory.

"It's just past midday. How are you feeling?"

Harry scratched his head, "Like I've slept for days."

"After the potions we gave you, you fell straight to sleep. You definitely needed the rest."

"We? Who is we?"

"I went to take you to the potions lab last night and I asked Professor Snape for something to help you relax. You weren't exactly yourself. You don't remember?"

"I dunno. Vaguely. I don't remember much of yesterday afternoon."

"I figured. Did the potions at least help?"

"Yeah, I suppose they did. At least I finally caught up on some sleep and didn't spend hours staring at the ceiling this time. So, it's something."

Hermione nodded, feeling some relief at the thought, "Good. He came to check up on you last night, but you were out cold."

Harry sat up straight, brow crinkled in confusion, "He did what?"

Hermione drew in a deep breath, "After I took you down to the dungeons, he must have been concerned at the state you were in. He came back here a few hours later to see if you had responded well to the elixirs."

"…Did he say anything?"

She shook her head, "Not really. He just asked me if they worked, and then…left."

Harry peered at his bedside to find the three potions on his lampstand that he had taken the night before. Admittedly, they worked rather well. He must have been asleep quicker than he ever has since the Battle at Hogwarts because he barely remembered taking them. He looked over at Hermione who was staring at him in worry. Noticing her frowning, he watched her brown eyes darting from Harry, to the window, then at other points in the room, until she glanced back at him. He knew her well enough – She was holding something back.

"What is it, Hermione?" Harry asked.

"Nothing," Hermione responded quickly, but Harry knew she was a terrible liar. Harry glared at her until she finally spoke, "Alright. I just…didn't want to worry you."

"What happened?" Harry swung his legs out of bed and sat on the edge. He realised he was still wearing the same clothes as he did yesterday.

Hermione bit her lip, "A wizarding family was attacked late last night. By Death Eaters. They burst into their home and had one of the children under the Cruciatus curse. They killed the father, and…" Hermione's eyes welled up with tears, "…They took the mother and child. Apparently, the father had fought in the resistance, and was responsible for the death of one of their own."

Harry buried his head in his hands. Oh, no no no. They have started. "Where did you hear about it?"

"It was in The Daily Prophet this morning."

Harry looked up at Hermione, clearly stressed, "They are definitely targeting people. And kidnapping? For leverage? That's not how they usually operate."

She nodded, "I thought so too. It is probably more for scare tactics if anything. There can't be many of them left, surely."

"Just wonderful. Really, this just keeps getting better," Harry filled up his water goblet with the pitcher and downed the liquid in one go before finally standing up. He retrieved the Marauders Map at his bedside and activated the magical parchment. He looked at the markers of all the people still within the castle. Good, nothing out of the ordinary as far as he could tell.

"– Harry?"

"Hermione, relax. I'm just checking."

"You can't expect the Death Eaters to just…appear! The Aurors are handling it."

"Are they now? And yet, another family is torn apart. Yeah, they are really doing a brilliant job!"

Hermione looked furious, "HARRY! What has gotten into you?!"

Harry angrily stashed the Map back into his jean pocket, "I'm just so sick of this! All of this! How long am I expected to be cooped up here? It could be months until they are dealt with! Now I know how Sirius felt being stuck at Grimmauld Place going stir-crazy!"

"They are doing the best they can. Don't get mad at me. It's not my fault!"

"I just want to get back on with my life. Away from…everything. I'm just done."

With that, Harry stormed out of Gryffindor Tower and wandered away with no clear direction in mind. He was livid. Absolutely livid. He did not care for the hurt expression on his best friend's face as he left. He did not even care when the Fat Lady yelled at him for slamming the door on the way out and proceeded to ignore her angry protests. He was half-tempted to give her a piece of his mind but decided it was not worth wasting the extra energy on a damn portrait. He just wanted out, in some shape or form. He could not bear the thought of more lives being broken apart, tortured, or murdered. He just could not deal with that anymore.

Harry Potter was struggling. He was anxious. He was angry. He was at the end of his tether. He did not care much for his little outburst at Hermione, although he knew he would eventually feel bad about it later. For one, he was glad Ron was not here. He thought he would spare him the decency and allow him time to grieve and mourn with his family. But he was not sure if he could even deal with him right now regardless of this new predicament.

The young Gryffindor wanted to run away. He wanted to escape this madness. He knew he was not okay, but he just could not face it head-on right now. There was still so much else to do, that he did not care if he was being unreasonable. Hell, he was barely approachable. He did marvel at Hermione's ability to put up with him, but he already had too much weighing on his mind. The thoughts alone were enough to make him feel like he was suffocating.

He was anxious and knew very well that he was slowly descending into madness.

The young man trailed along the cobblestone corridors of the castle on the sixth floor and found a perch by one of the open windows overlooking the viaduct below. He grasped the stone framework and peered outside into the crisp Spring air, clenching his teeth so strongly that his jaw began to ache. He tried desperately to steady himself and his racing heart. Eventually, he buried his head in his hands, and let out a small sob.

"Calm yourself, Potter."

Startled, Harry looked up and noticed Snape had shifted to stand beside him on his left, just in time to see him remove the Invisibility Cloak. His voice was gentle. Despite his usual snarky demeanor, but it appeared he was careful not to scare the Gryffindor who was clearly having difficulty dealing with his problems. The man looked a little less sullen than before but still pale. The dressing on his wound was still evident, and Harry noticed dried blood that had seeped through the bandage at some point recently. But regardless of that, the man seemed to carry himself differently. Less weight of the world on his shoulders now that he was no longer affiliated with the Death Eaters. But it was noticeable on the man's expression that he seemed more relaxed, which relieved Harry to see. The last thing he needed was to deal with a grumpy Snape.

Slightly alarmed by his new guest, Harry hastily pulled out the Map and felt relieved to find that the Aurors were nowhere near their current location.

Snape looked sneered during his glance at the Map within the teenagers' grasp.

Harry sighed, "How did you find me?"

"I was just…Passing through – "

"- What, following me?"

Snape sighed heavily, "No, Potter. I happened to be on my way to see you. I'd be surprised if no one else heard you storm out, albeit the Fat Lady portrait has a voice to wake even the dead."

"I don't need checking up on. Hermione told me you came to see me last night," Harry felt slightly annoyed.

"You may be able to fool others, Potter, but I cannot be fooled."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Snape frowned at the young Gryffindor's use of language but soon softened his gaze as he lowered his voice, "You are in deep distress. Your mind is far too clouded."

"I don't need another one of your Occlumency lessons, Snape. No offense, but I'm done with that."

"Clearly, you were missing the point of those lessons, by far. I also told you in said lessons that you needed to discipline your mind. The point still remains, even now."

"I can't just switch it off. You know that."

"Listen to me very carefully," Harry noticed the man look concerned, and that threw his mind off from trailing too far. But regardless, Snape was unexpectantly patient with him. "What you have experienced is immensely traumatic. For someone your age to deal with what you have is doubtlessly damaging to your current state of mind. This is a delicate time for you, and you must be patient with yourself."

"I'm fine," Harry looked away and stared out of the window, feeling slightly uncomfortable.

"Potter, you are far from fine. Since your discovery of me in the Shrieking Shack, I have seen you become irrational and spasmodic in behavior. I have noticed the tremors in your hands, and the way you disconnect from reality when you stare off into the abyss. I daresay you even recall Miss Granger dragging you into the dungeons for some method of relief, after your episode of anxiety last night coupled with restless nights."

"How could you possibly know that?" Harry shot him a warning look. He felt slightly uncomfortable with that assessment.

"I was a spy for years. It was within my duty to observe what goes generally unnoticed. I am attuned to certain behaviors. But I also know that downward spiral from personal experience."

Harry bit his lip when he glanced at Snape and noticed the man now looked unusually pained. It was almost the same look as the time when Harry accidentally witnessed his worst memory before the same man threw him out of the room in fury. It was hard to believe that was several years prior. Now that felt like simpler times.

"Is that why you've been avoiding me ever since we brought you here?"

"Not quite," Snape said curtly, before he pursed his lips in thought, "I admit I was rather furious with your need to alert Professor McGonagall about my whereabouts. Especially when I told you specifically not to tell anyone."

"Excuse me for being alarmed that you may in danger from our ongoing threat."

There was a pause when Snape continued to look at the Gryffindor with interest. But Harry noticed something else about him at that moment. It was not necessarily the concerned expression he had since approaching Harry earlier or the way he would usually look down upon his students as inferior. But it was more what Harry felt – there was no tension this time. Perhaps he realised that Snape was actually making sense, and he felt like for once in the time that Harry has been at Hogwarts, they were actually able to see eye-to-eye. Maybe, they could actually agree on something. It has taken them both seven years to even consider such a truce, but in the course of the events of the war in the last few years, it seems even war had changed them both in unexpected ways.

There was a pause. Snape seemed at a loss with words this time, but after careful consideration, he finally responded, "With everything that has happened, allow me to assist you in some way, that I most certainly could not do before."

"No one can help. Besides, I just – I just don't know if I could ever completely forgive you. You do realise that?"

"That is understandable, and I do not expect you to. However," Snape looked at Harry with saddened eyes, "I need you to listen to me. Really listen, Potter. I know you think you have proven yourself now against defeating the greatest dark wizard, but you must resist in the need to pursue the remaining Death Eaters. They will not hesitate to kill you now that their master is dead. They have no rules or leader to abide with now, and that makes them extremely dangerous. Leave that task to those who know how to deal with them."

Harry frowned, "You want to go after them, don't you?"

"I never said that."

"You were implying. Snape, if you are going to hunt them down, then I want to join you. We both need to end this. Really end it this time. I know you are going just as mad as I am being stuck in this castle and have been told to stay hidden."

"I will not risk your life again. I spent years making sure you were safe, and I am not about to compromise that again. I want this to end as eagerly as you do, but you need to think logically about this. Don't allow your typical Gryffindor courage blind you from the danger that is still so very evident."

Harry threw up his hands in mild frustration, "They'll kill you, too! You betrayed them, so you are also very much high on their list. I'm sure they saw your return to battle!"

"I worked amongst them, Potter. I know them best. I know how they operate. I was them."

"Why did you even return to the battle? You could have faked your death and left unnoticed. Start a new life. Instead, you showed yourself to the final fight. Why?"

"I didn't want to give my old master the smug satisfaction. I left quickly because I did not want to face you after...everything I had to show you previously. As I mentioned to you earlier, I thought my death was absolute. I was expecting it to be," Snape looked slightly ashamed at the admittance.

Harry nodded in understanding, "I guess so did I."

Snape looked at Harry and nodded curtly, "I made a promise that I was to protect you, and given the new threat, that is still ongoing."

"I don't need protection anymore."

"Guidance, Potter. You need guidance."

Harry Potter could not argue with that. Instead, he hung his head in defeat and closed his eyes. "Then what do you suggest?"

"For now, patience," Snape responded softly. He glanced quickly at the Map and noticed an Auror making a beeline to their location. Without missing a beat, the man swung the Invisibility Cloak back over his form and he disappeared from view instantly. Without another word, Harry heard the man walk away in his usual large strides.

He knew the man was making sense, but he just did not want to believe it. Perhaps it was merely from habit that he would disagree with him instantly, but he just could not bring himself to do that this time. He spent years at odds with the man and challenging him in every aspect of their interactions. Whether it was within the classroom, Occlumency, or even just passing him down the corridor trying to mind his own business. But for once, Snape did not treat him like a child. Not this time, which Harry was most interested in. It was often in the man's nature to belittle and provoke his students as if he took pleasure in their discomfort when it came to the battle of authority during class. Obviously, Snape tried that with Harry multiple times throughout their interactions, and he was always more furious when Harry stood up to him without batting an eye. The man took pleasure in provoking Harry's ugly side but could not seem to deal with the retaliation from the Gryffindor when it did happen. Time and time again the man would push his buttons until Harry felt the need to explode in rage.

But it seemed like Severus Snape was doing the exact opposite of what he expected. And Harry was unsure of how to feel about that. If there was any realisation, was that Harry now felt like the arsehole in this situation, and he could not help but feel guilty if this was the trait Snape had predicted of him. After all, his father James was not the saint Harry initially perceived him to be. Once Snape had shown him some of his personal memories after his supposed death, it all started to make more sense. And Harry felt like now, at least, they would finally co-operate. Not as student and teacher, but as allies. Harry spent years hating the man and presuming he was the real enemy.

Perhaps the both of them found a strange power in provoking the other, back in Harry's early school years. But things were very different now. Were they friends? Definitely not. But Harry knew they were no longer enemies, and for once, he found some solace in that. The recent conversation proved that. Severus Snape did not offer him guidance out of need, but of...want. He did not have to offer such a thing, and yet he did. Even if Harry was not sure exactly why the man would even bother.

Like him, Snape had lost too much. Both allegiances he sacrificed his adult life to, now seemed to crumble. He too, felt like he had no purpose. The more Harry thought about that, the more it made sense that Snape considered taking his own life. Both wanted this to end as badly as the other. Perhaps it was fate - or whatever you want to call it – that they both survived. Even though both were anticipated to die. As neither did, they were now unsure how to move on with their lives. Snape longed for death but was rescued. Harry did not want to die but was more than willing and ready to.

Harry could almost envision his mother telling him to stay strong. How could he? He was hurt in so many ways that he did not know where to even begin. The one man he spent years hating, seemed to be the only one patient enough to help him deal with it.

Tears welled up in his emerald eyes, as he began to make his way back to Gryffindor Tower in the hope that he would apologise to Hermione for losing it at her. She really didn't deserve that, after trying her best to help him.

He felt like he failed everyone, even his friends. He was just not strong enough for this.

Once he finally reached the entrance to Gryffindor Tower, he shot a furious look at the Fat Lady's portrait, "Don't even think about it, I'm not in the mood." With a hmpf, the Fat Lady opened the door without a word and let the Gryffindor back in.

He should not have been surprised to find that Hermione had left. It was his own fault, really. He would not want to be in his company either. Walking back to the dormitory, he grabbed the Calming Drought and took a blind few drops to ease his chaotic mind. He glanced at the unfamiliar strange pearly Animo Silentium elixir - He would have to ask Snape about that second peculiar potion at some point. He vaguely recalled him saying something about it being a personal brew, but he could not be sure.

Making his way back into the Common Room, he settled himself by the fire in one of the large armchairs. His stomach growled. He did not remember the last time he had something to eat. Was it yesterday? His mind was much too clouded to remember, but eventually, he found himself drifting off to sleep.

When he awoke, he noticed the sun was gone. It was already nighttime. No one came to see him, and he even wondered if Hermione was going to return. She was most likely too upset. Sighing heavily, Harry opened his Marauder's Map once again. Minerva was seen talking with Rowan Locke in her office, while the other four Aurors were at their usual stations around the castle. He could not find Hermione on the map, so that answered his earlier question. But something else bothered him.

Severus Snape was not on the Map, either. Anywhere.

Slightly alarmed, Harry flipped through the multiple map pages, and could not find the ex-Potions professor anywhere. The Gryffindor ran a frustrated hand through his messy unkempt hair. The man was nowhere to be found. Harry found his heart racing with anxiety. Could he be using the Cloak? Harry was not even sure if the map could even conceal the Cloak. It was not something he ever tested. But this had him worried.

Harry found himself still flipping through the map minutes later, and something else happened. Severus Snape re-appeared on the Map at Hogwarts' warded boundary, and Harry watched as the man's footsteps continued along the path to the Forbidden Forest, and then disappeared at its edge.

Ignoring his still-racing heart, he left the couch and bounded towards the exit.