Potions and Snitches
Snape and Harry Gen Fanfiction Archive

Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks as always to Rlmess and Cithara.
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Chapter 26

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xxx

Harry and Snape remained quiet until Dumbledore had left their presence, both avoiding each other's gazes and looking chastised. Once the door had closed, however, Severus turned to Harry, face stubbornly unchanging as he said, "I'm leaving in one month on a task for the Dark Lord. It is of dire importance; I won't stop now. Whatever you choose to do in the meantime is your own choice, but I won't be swayed."

Severus turned, heading towards the couch, and Harry followed, speaking after him. "So you don't care? You really won't care if I come to you and say-"

Severus cut him off. "I won't make promises I don't intend to keep!" But he realized, by the expression on Harry's face, that perhaps his words had been too harsh. He closed his eyes and ran his hand over his face, sitting down on the couch. He looked thoughtfully at Harry, who was frowning at him, and sighed. "I'm trying to change, I am- but it will take time. Perhaps my priorities will shift in the coming months- perhaps not. It all depends on variables that I cannot yet determine."

Harry stared blankly at him for a moment, vaguely attempting to comprehend what had just been said to him. Severus held back a smirk, amused slightly by the boyish look of confusion on his face.

"Harry," he said more gently, sitting forward. "For now, this is what I need to do. I think you, of all children-"

"I'm not a child," said Harry darkly, and Severus actually smiled.

"No," Severus said. "You're not. So surely you understand the concept of making difficult choices?"

"It was the wrong decision in the first place!" Harry argued. He sounded more upset about the situation than Severus would have expected; it made it all the more difficult to reason with him.

"And now I'm paying for that," Severus said quietly. "This was never the way I wanted to spend my life- torn between two sides. I wanted to spend it with- my wife…" he choked on these words. It sounded strange to hear them spoken aloud; he'd spent an inordinate amount of time thinking them, but had never dared to utter such thoughts to another living soul. He'd kept that part of himself so protected, especially since her death. "I wanted us to be happy, to- I don't know what I thought I was accomplishing. But it didn't turn out the way I'd planned, I know that. I'd spent my whole life taking the easy way out; I finally reached the point where it made my life harder, I suppose. Extremely… inopportune time for me to finally get my comeuppance." A bitter laugh escaped him, and he shook his head.

"So now I have to be caught in the middle of all of this? I have to pay for your mistakes?" Harry questioned, raising his eyebrows.

"I am sorry," Severus said. Harry folded his arms and glared off to the side, but said nothing. Severus knew he sounded unsympathetic, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything more. He couldn't risk telling Harry he would do something that he would later regret. He needed time, and a better reason to give up the job he'd known for so long. He couldn't risk taking what seemed like the easy way out… again. But he wouldn't expect this boy to understand that.

"Go to bed," Severus finally said, standing. "You look tired, and I'm sure you don't want to draw attention to yourself by missing classes tomorrow."

Harry noticed, with no small amount of relief, that the older man's voice was completely lacking in sarcasm. He allowed himself to be guided towards the room he'd gone to when he'd arrived, and admittedly, was glad to have his head hit the pillow. He was very tired; curiously, he hadn't noticed, but Severus had. He found that strangely… comforting.

Severus didn't say another word as he left the room, but he did pause as he shut the door, considering Harry for a moment with a softened expression on his face. Harry could feel his father's gaze resting on him; for once, it didn't make him anxious.

xxx

Harry awoke early the next morning earlier than usual. He considered the fact that he was in a strange place, which was most likely the underlying reason for the difference in timing. He lay in bed for a few moments, deciding whether or not it was smart to leave.

Coming to the conclusion that he wouldn't soon fall back asleep, Harry kicked off his blankets and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He realized, as the cold air touched his bare feet, that he didn't have his dressing robe or slippers. He looked around hopelessly, but saw nothing that would help him.

Harry had to squint hard against the surprisingly bright light that greeted his eyes as he stepped out into the main room. It took only a moment for his eyes to adjust, and when they did, he looked around, taking everything in. A fair quantity of candles were lit, and Severus was sitting at his desk, seemingly looking over papers. Harry looked to the couch and assumed from the blankets and pillows atop it that Severus had slept there.

"You're up early," Severus commented from across the room. "No more nightmares, I hope?"

"No, I slept fine," Harry said, pulling his sleeves over his knuckles.

"There are some blankets there on the couch, if you're cold," Severus said flatly, raising an eyebrow as he saw Harry's apparent discomfort.

Harry nodded and moved towards the pile, selecting a plush tan throw and wrapping it around himself. "What're you doing?" he asked, stifling a yawn and settling himself the couch nearest to Severus' desk.

"Grading papers," Severus said dully, marking up a new essay. "Story of my life."

"From what you've told me," Harry said, with some hint of irony, "Your life involves much more than grading papers."

Severus inclined his head at that. "This is true," he said.

He waited a moment before speaking again. Harry watched him intently from across the room, examining his face for any kind of emotion. As always, however, he was completely unreadable, like a blank page. Severus looked back up at him.

"I was a bit- ah- surprised…" he paused shortly, considering Harry. "That you requested me last night."

Harry tried to smile. "I was surprised you came."

Severus raised his eyebrows. "Well, it was a bit hard to ignore the two students who showed up at my door in the middle of the night …" he tapered off, but gave Harry an almost imperceptible look of inquiry.

Harry shrugged. "It just felt right." Severus' expression changed and Harry shifted uncomfortably on the couch, pulling his blanket tighter around himself, and said, "Not many people understand what it's like… to constantly be under his control. No one knows what it's like to constantly feel linked to him… to feel, overpowered, by him."

Severus watched him, his brows furrowed, and then rose from his seat. He came to Harry, and the boy looked up at him. After a moment of indecision, Severus took a seat next to him on the couch, placing a hand on the boy's frail shoulder. "Harry, you are not being controlled by him…" He took a bracing breath, "You're too good for that- he can't get too close, because you possess the qualities that he most despises."

"Then why is he constantly there? Why does he have the ability to-"

"An involuntary connection does not taint you, Harry, no matter what some may think. Have you ever done anything according to will other than your own?"

"No," said Harry quietly.

"Then he most certainly isn't controlling you. He can only tempt you, only feed you bits of information. He thinks he knows you… he's wrong. You know that. As long as you remain as strong as you have repeatedly proven yourself to be…" Severus paused here. "Oh, listen to me," he said, curling his lip, and Harry laughed despite himself. "But the point is not to let this overcome you. You never chose to be a part of him- and it's the choice that determines his level of control."

Harry left his father's rooms very early and returned to Gryffindor tower, slipping into his bed and pretending to be asleep before any of the boys in his dorm could question him about the previous night.

He was not so fortunate to escape the attention the coming day brought him, however. Despite the fact that only a few Gryffindors had been there to witness Harry's renewal of fitfully awakening during the night, it seemed now to have spread throughout the school by the next morning.

Harry was relieved to finally get away from the crowded great hall for class after breakfast. Hermione strode with him out of the Great Hall, her arm linked with his, sending frightening glares to the brave students who dared to stare at her friend. Ron was back at the breakfast table, telling off a now very frightened first year for flinging his porridge at the back of Lavender Brown's head.

They had to make a quick visit to Gryffindor tower for Harry's forgotten Potions book, but were nevertheless early to get to the dungeons. Harry had not yet been down here since the school year had started a week ago, and despite his changed relationship with the Potions Master, he couldn't rid his stomach of the anxiety swimming within it.

The door was cracked open. Hermione placed her hand on the black, steely handle and turned to look at Harry, her eyebrows furrowed in a worried, piteous sort of way. Harry nodded once, swallowing, and she pulled the door open.

As they stepped inside, they saw that they weren't the first ones there. In fact, it looked as though nearly half of the class was there, and everyone was sitting quietly at his or her desk, looking around in trepidation. Potions were already simmering, their warm, inviting vapors drifting across the room; there were various colors rising from the line of cauldrons in the front, dancing in front of Harry's eyes. Harry swallowed nervously again and looked at Hermione, whose eyes were all lit up as she fumbled around in her bag for a piece of parchment and quill, and then moved closer to the potions, taking observations on every one. Harry released an almost silent groan and wished Ron was there; class hadn't even started yet and already Hermione was getting to work. Harry settled himself grumpily next to the seat she had left her bag in and looked around.

N.E.W.T. Level potions was a class of mixed houses. So far, Harry and Hermione were the only Gryffindors present in the room. Over in the far left sat Blaise Zabini, with his feet resting atop the desk and with a book in each of the three seats around him. Harry took this as a sign that three more Slytherins would soon be joining them. In front of the place where he had those seat reserved were Ernie Macmillan, Hannah Abbot, and another spot that Harry presumed to be for Justin Finch-Fletchey, since he'd heard Susan Bones was no good at Potions and most Hufflepuffs were absolutely petrified of Snape. And behind Harry sat Padma Patil, with an empty seat that was most likely for her sister, Parvati, and another two rows of Ravenclaws, all sitting and talking quietly amongst each other. Harry turned around and shook his head, watching Hermione now as she moved excitedly from cauldron to cauldron.

Harry heard the door open, and turned to see who had just come in. To his surprise, it was Snape; he wouldn't have guessed so, as there had been no slamming of the door. Snape stood still for a moment, eyes locked on Hermione with his eyes narrowed and lip curled, and then started for the front of the room.

"Miss Granger," he said silkily from behind her. The class went completely silent as all eyes turned to him, and she froze. "May I ask what you are doing?"

Hermione turned around and looked up at her Professor. "I- I was just- er- taking observations, sir."

Snape raised an eyebrow. "Did I ask you to make observations?"

"Well, no, sir, but-"

"I see no one else up here, taking notes on my work."

"I'm sorry sir, I didn't think-"

"How disappointing," Snape said over Hermione. "I suggest you think harder, Miss Granger. After all, your intellectual capacity much stretch to the other two miscreants you pathetically call your friends." He glanced disgustedly at Harry, and then back at Hermione. "Go sit down," he hissed, jerking his head over his shoulder.

"Yes sir," Hermione said timidly, hurrying back to her seat. Over in the corner, Blaise was sniggering softly with another Slytherin girl who had only just entered the room. Hermione looked over at them, and then back down at her paper, trying not to blush.

Harry was glaring hard at Snape. He could take the abuse himself; knowing what was going on between the two of them, he could take it. But Snape had no reason to pick on Hermione.

Snape soon became aware of Harry's furious eyes resting on him, and looked up. Harry quickly shifted his eyes, wishing Snape hadn't seen, but he knew it was too late. Snape stepped down and towards Harry's desk. "Is there something I can help you with, Potter?" Snape sneered, crossing his arms.

Out of the corner of his eye, Harry saw Malfoy walk in with the stream of other students as the bell rang, an eager look developing on his face as he looked back and forth between Snape and Harry. He leaned over and whispered in Zabini's ear, who sniggered gratuitously.

Harry took a deep breath and returned his gaze to meet Snape's, holding his expression firm and strong. "I don't see anything wrong with what Hermione was doing," he said. "And I think it's unfair that you shouted at her for it."

"I don't remember shouting," Snape said, eyebrows raised. Harry rolled his eyes, and Snape's widened. "Don't you dare roll your eyes at me," he said warningly, placing his hands on the desk. "We have a long year ahead of us, Potter, if you can't learn to hold your tongue and keep a respectful face around me.

"Yes sir," Harry said, his glare darkening. Snape held his gaze for a moment more, then turned away and went back to his board to write instructions for their assignment that day.

"Potter," Malfoy hissed from the corner, once Snape's back was completely turned. Harry ignored him. "Potter!" Draco hissed with more urgency, and Harry turned to him with annoyance etched in every line of his face.

"What?" Harry mouthed in irritation.

"Silence," Snape said warningly from the front of the room. "The bell rang, did it not? You may have forgotten over the holiday, mindless as you are, so I'll remind you of this simple rule: I won't tolerate mindless chatter while class is in session."

Harry and Draco both stared at Snape's back, frustrated looks on their faces. Harry turned to Draco again, and mouthed "What?" one more time.

Draco cast a furtive look in Snape's direction, and then began to mouth some indiscernible words that made Harry squint in confusion. He went on doing this for a few more moments before realizing how pointless it was and waving Harry off as Snape finished writing instructions and turned back to the class.

"The instructions are on the board," Snape said dully, leaning on his desk. "You will notice that I've left very specific instructions; so be sure to follow them carefully. You have until the end of the class period, and then you will turn in whatever sample you've managed to come up with. Oh- and we have an even number of students in this class?" He paused and counted heads quickly, scanning the room for missing faces, and then nodded to himself. "Yes- you will be working in a number of partner assignments this year. This happens to be one of them. I hope you've all chosen seats next to the person you desire to work with, because that is your place for the rest of the year."

Snape looked them over for another moment, his eyes resting contemplatively on Harry and Hermione for a moment. Harry feared he would split them up- he needed her if he was going to pass this year. However, Snape seemed to decide against it, and went back to his desk. Harry breathed a sigh of relief and shared a small smile with Hermione.

"Right," Hermione said softly, a bit relieved as well. "Would you rather dice the Tubeworms or the skin the leeches?"

Harry wrinkled his nose at the jars she was holding up, and chose the one filled with the tubeworms.

Hermione looked at the leeches. "Good choice," she said miserably.

An hour later, when Harry had slime worked into the deepest crevices of his fingernails and Hermione's arm was about ready to fall off from the hundred consistent strokes she'd had to give the Potion, they finally achieved the results the book said to expect. Leaning over the silver cauldron, Harry saw with great satisfaction that their potion had turned to a liquid, shimmering pool of black and was emitting silver clouds of mist from the surface.

"Sir," Hermione said, putting her hand up. Snape turned and headed towards their table. "I think we're done," she said unnecessarily as he peered shrewdly into the potion.

"That'll do," Snape said dismissively, turning and stalking over to the Hufflepuffs to inspect their work.

Harry and Hermione exchanged a satisfied grin, and Hermione filled a small glass vial with a sample of their potion.

As Harry watched Hermione place their assignment in the designated rack, he felt a light blow to the arm, and looked down. On the floor was a crumpled piece of parchment. He looked over at Draco, who nodded, and reached over to pick it up. He debated unfolding it, but thought better of it as he saw Snape peering suspiciously over at him. He put the paper into his bag and started on the written portion of their homework.

He was almost able to finish by the end of class, and resigned himself to finishing the assignment at lunch, not knowing what other homework he would be charged with by the end of the day. He and Hermione gathered their things as class was dismissed and headed for the third floor, where they were meeting Ron.

As he'd promised, Ron was indeed waiting outside the classroom to International Interpretations. He was easily spotted from the other end of the corridor; he had his arms crossed and was leaning nonchalantly against the wall, ruffling a hand through his bright red Weasley hair. Harry thought he looked quite ridiculous. Hermione seemed to agree, but smiled amiably at him anyways.

"Apparently, McGonagall teaches this class," Ron said quietly to the both of them, meeting them as they came closer.

"Oh good!" said Hermione, just as Harry released a groan of disappointment. "What? Professor McGonagall is a great teacher, Harry!" Hermione admonished at once.

"Yeah, I know- but she's hard," said Harry. "I was hoping for something a bit easier after dealing with a double block of Snape every Wednesday..."

Harry was rather pleased to find out that this class involved much more bookwork and less teaching, which allowed for casual conversation between him and his friends. They spent a majority of the time working anyways, due to the heavy workload McGonagall gave them, but it was more enjoyable than sitting in complete silence, listening to lectures.

"I can't join you for lunch," Hermione said breathlessly as they made their way down the stairs. "I've a load of Arithmancy homework, coupled with the Defense assignment we got yesterday-"

"So you're going to the Library." Ron said, looking over at Harry and shaking his head just slightly.

"Yes," said Hermione. "And you should consider doing the same. We've got N.E.W.T.s next year, and you'd be best off not to fall behind so early-"

"That's a whole two years away!" Ron objected.

"Hermione, we're not falling behind; we've only been in school a week," Harry said, jabbing Ron in the ribs before Hermione could see the impression he was doing of her.

"Well," Hermione said indignantly. "You'll wish you'd come with me when you're spending all your free periods working in the common room." She looked back and forth between them and shook her head. "I'll see you two after lunch."

And with that she stomped off in the direction of the library, leaving Harry and Ron standing there, a bit bewildered.

"Yeah, well… that's Hermione for you," Ron said, shrugging. "You know, I'm not very hungry."

Harry now turned to him, looking astonished. "You're not hungry?"

"No," Ron said in what was apparently supposed to be a casual tone. "What say we go down to the lake? I could use some fresh air. And maybe we can see if Hagrid's back yet."

Harry looked at him doubtingly for a moment. "Alright…" he said, following his best friend to the doors.

The September air was getting more chilly every day, yet in their school uniforms, the boys were warm enough. The grounds were relatively quiet for the moment; most of the students were taking lunch in the Great Hall.

"So," Ron said as they settled themselves on the deserted grounds, next to the lake. "You're having visions again?"

Harry looked at him questioningly, wondering what he was getting at. "Well, I had one… but I don't know if it'll happen again."

"I thought you'd conquered Occlumency by now," said Ron, peeling a banana he'd pulled from his bag. "I mean, you spent a lot of time with Snape this summer, didn't you?"

Harry stared at him for a moment. Ron looked back at him, his expression stony and hard; it was a look Harry hadn't seen on his friends face since the Yule Ball in fourth year. "Ron, if there's something you have to say, just say it."

Ron lowered his hand, which he'd raised to take a bite. "You asked for Snape the other night."

There was a pause.

"So?" Harry said uncomfortably.

"You called him Severus," Ron said, and he couldn't hide the note of accusation in his voice. "You'd have to have got… pretty close… to call him by his first name." He was frowning deeply now, his nose slightly wrinkled in apparent disgust.

"What are you trying to say?" Harry asked disbelievingly, in amazement that Ron would even suggest what he seemed to be.

"I think you know," Ron responded, watching Harry closely for a reaction. "I mean, you've always hated the git-and for good reason, too. Now all of a sudden you're best friends with him?"

"Well it's nothing like that!" Harry exclaimed, scrambling to his feet. He felt as though he'd been led into a trap, and was somewhat betrayed by Ron's assumption. "I- what gives you the right to-"

"Well if it's nothing like that then what is it?" Ron retorted brashly, getting to his feet as well. His ears were red with embarrassment, and he looked almost hurt, though Harry couldn't really understand why. "I mean, bloody hell, what am I supposed to think? Severus? And not to mention, you haven't mentioned anything about him since you returned to Hogwarts. Not a word. Not a, "Hey everyone, Snape is surprisingly being nice to me this year!" or a, "Funny story, Snape told me to call him by his first name"... nothing. If you have nothing to be ashamed of, why have you been hiding so many things?"

Harry glared murderously at his friend. "It's nothing you would understand."

"Nothing I would understand?" Ron repeated, taken aback. He turned his head, looking away, and then back at Harry. "Harry, I've made errors in judgment a few times, yeah- but nothing so bad you shouldn't be able to tell me what's going on…"

"Well you seem pretty irrational about what you've guessed so far," said Harry folding his arms. "So how do I know that?"

"Well think about what I guessed, Harry," said Ron, shrugging slowly. He seemed to be trying to make up for what he'd said before by keeping his temper. "Listen, Hermione and I have both noticed a change in you- something's wrong, or at least different. Did you think you could hide this from us, whatever it is? We know you better than that… at least I'd think so."

Harry stared at him. Could he really trust Ron with this information? Could he trust that his friend would not abandon him at hearing the shocking news? He sat down again, staring out across the lake, and folding his knees to his chest. "What if I told you I'm not exactly the boy you thought you knew?"

Ron hesitated. "… I suppose I'd have to ask how that's true," he said dubiously, sitting down next to Harry.

Harry continued to gaze over the rippling waters of the lake, silently deliberating. But Ron was right… he couldn't keep this from his friends forever.

"Listen, before I explain this to you, you have to promise me you won't breathe a word of it to anyone," Harry said seriously. Ron nodded fervently, and Harry reiterated, "I mean no one. It would be dangerous if anyone else found out what I'm about to tell you."

"Harry," said Ron, as if he didn't believe he was really in for that great of a surprise. "You've been able to trust us before, haven't you?"

Something about the tone of Ron's voice sent a surge of renewed frustration through Harry. Here he was, about to reveal something so personal, so life-changing, and Ron was acting as though Harry was being melodramatic, as if what he had to say was as mundane as the knowledge of what they would be eating for dinner.

"James was not my father," Harry said quietly, avoiding Ron's eyes as he said it. He picked up the nearest twig and began to peel the bark off, flicking it toward the lake.

A second passed and he glanced sidelong at his friend to check his reaction. Ron's jaw had dropped and he was gaping at him in disbelief. "What?"

Harry looked away again, wincing at Ron's somewhat harsh tone. "My mother was married to Snape before James… no one but she and Dumbledore knew until about a month ago-"

"You mean you found this out a month ago, and you still haven't told me- us!" Ron exclaimed in astonishment, anger taking the place of shock in his expression as he rose again to his feet.

"It was only a few weeks back, thank you!" Harry replied defensively, growing frustrated. He lost sight of the explanation he had been ready to offer Ron, and responded, "And you know, it's not really the sort of thing you chat to your friends about while sitting around table… there hasn't been a good time to-"

"Well, you should have made time!" Ron interjected.

Harry stared at Ron for a moment. He had expected Ron to be angry about his relation to Snape- not the fact that Harry hadn't mentioned it yet. "This isn't easy for me, either, Ron," Harry said in a shaky, low voice. He shook his head, stood, and began pacing back and forth.

"Well, apparently," exclaimed Ron indignantly, "it has, since you're already on a first name basis with the git! All of a sudden you find out you share a bit of blood and he becomes more important than we are?"

Harry rounded violently on Ron. "I knew- knew- that you would overreact, and that's why I've been biding my time. I'm still trying to get over the shock of it myself, do you think I wanted a hothead like you to deal with as well?"

Ron looked truly insulted now; his eyes were flashing and his skin almost matched his maroon sweater, but he tried with great effort not to lose his temper. "It's not the fact that Snape's your father that I'm angry about. We have been friends," he said with restraint, "for five years. I have invited you into my home and accepted you as part of my family because I knew how much you needed one. I thought that meant more to you than the fact that I lose my temper once in awhile. But now, I'd wager I was wrong."

Harry opened and closed his mouth, taken aback to the greatest measure. Ron's words stung him, he couldn't lie… because he was right. He had been a good friend to Harry, even if he didn't seem the most understanding person.

"Ron, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"No, it's fine- don't apologize," Ron muttered grudgingly, sending an abrasive glance in Harry's direction, and shaking his head in still apparent disbelief. "I'm going back up to the castle."

Ron didn't wait for a response; he forcefully slung his bag over his shoulder and began to climb up the grounds towards the school, leaving Harry standing behind, watching him. Harry waited for him to disappear, and then turned and aimed a forceful kick at his own bag, sending its contents sprawling across the ground.

He groaned and brought a hand up to his forehead, pressing his fingers into it and trying to get his thoughts in order. He didn't know how he and Ron would make up, but he knew they had to- he knew they would. It would just take time…

Harry shook his head, and vaguely remembering the note from Malfoy, reached into his bag and pulled out the crumpled piece of paper that had been thrown at him. Now seemed the an ideal time to look at it with no one else around, and he needed something to take his mind off of Ron...

He unfolded the parchment and squinted down at it. Written in very small letters were the words, "Meet me in the Potion's Classroom tomorrow at 6:30- morning."

xxx end chapter 26 xxx


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