the Black Cat
Ravenclaw!
Both Harry and Severus need to go into hiding, and Dumbledore decides to hide them together. Severus notices that Harry is falling into depression, and helps Harry through his agony.
Takes Place: 6th summer
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Snape flavour: None
Tags: None
Categories: Parental Snape > Guardian Snape
Membership status: Administrator
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Reviews by Jan_AQ
Rated: K
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Warnings: None
Chapters: 5 - Completed: No - Updated: 26 May 2007 / 06 Mar 2005
Series: !Round Robins! - Challenges: None
Chapters: 5 - Completed: No - Updated: 26 May 2007 / 06 Mar 2005
Series: !Round Robins! - Challenges: None
| Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2 | 16 Mar 2006 |
| Reviewer: Jan_AQ (Signed) |
- By the way, I think that you may want to change your summary a little. It does nothing to show how great this story started, and the summary isn't what has happened in the story yet. That may be why not as many people have given the story a try- I was very pleasently and wonderfully surprised to read it and when I went back to read the summary it seemed like a completely different story.
![](<a href="http://www.fanfiction.net/u/81393/"><img src="/fanfiction/images/ffn.gif" border=none></a>){kind=link}
![](<a href="http://Janaque.deviantart.com"><img src="/fanfiction/images/deviant.gif" border=none></a>){kind=link}
Harry just wants to be a normal teenager, but it seems he can't even die normally. So what's a 15 year old wizard to do when he suddenly finds himself as an incorporeal spirit no one else can see or hear except his least favorite Potions Master?
Takes Place: None - Snape flavour: None
Tags: None
Categories: Healer Snape, Parental Snape > Guardian Snape
Takes Place: None - Snape flavour: None
Tags: None
Categories: Healer Snape, Parental Snape > Guardian Snape
Rated: T
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Warnings: None
Chapters: 8 - Completed: Yes - Updated: 22 May 2005 / 15 Mar 2005
Series: Kept Behind Series - Challenges: None
Chapters: 8 - Completed: Yes - Updated: 22 May 2005 / 15 Mar 2005
Series: Kept Behind Series - Challenges: None
| Title: Chapter 1: An Unfortunate Chance Meeting | 23 Mar 2005 |
| Reviewer: Jan_AQ (Signed) |
- This is a really great first chapter! I am impressed. :) Your characterization of Harry is very well-rounded. You managed to put the important stuff in, while still giving him the 3d feel of a real character larger than what he is in the books. I love the little details you managed to work in, making the narration, characters and setting that much better and real. It was a little weird reading about Dudley taking up most of the space in the backseat as it's hard for me to imagine such an obese person. XD I don't know, it might have been easier if the car had been described as one of those small British compact ones... It's really scary to watch the Dursley's allow their son to become so fat and think it normal. I think that there's something seriously wrong with them. You really managed to capture the mood and mystery when Harry first started walking to the Leaky Cauldron and the mysterious shadow was following. Good job! After this line "Harry knew he had to investigate and find out who it was he thought he saw." I was mentally screaming No, Harry! Don't do it! I mean, he had letters from his friends telling him to be careful and no one on his side knew that he was going to Diagon Alley to watch after him... maybe I'm just so paranoid and I expect him to be paranoid too. If I were him I would have started running to the Leaky Cauldron, not gone back to investigate.
Your strength is really in your off-hand descriptions and the ones worked in. The only thing that I think that you could work on where some of the explanation descriptions- for example the part where Harry investigated the side street you used some words too often (like "street") and the part about him "...looking down another street like a constable in one of those American late-night police dramas" was a little distracting in its sentence structure. You also need to go through and fix a few typo/spelling instances. Two words instead of one, a missing punctionation at the end of a sentence, "Usually" instead of "usual", that type of thing.
Your action scenes are incredible. The accident scene was well done too. I feel that you could have added a stronger emotion that would affect the readers when Harry saw himself lying in the road (about the time when the paramedics came by). The scene in the hospital was well done, it moved and got the emotions across of all involved just enough. Poor Harry. What's going to happen next? :) Lucky me, I get to find out. Reading on...
| Title: Chapter 2: An Unlikely Ally | 23 Mar 2005 |
| Reviewer: Jan_AQ (Signed) |
- I wonder why Harry didn't physically try to get back into his body after the accident, like notice that "he" wasn't where he was supposed to be and try to put himself back in himself. How much time passed from when Harry was hit and the Dursley's came to the hospital? I felt as if it would have.. umm flowed better if something showed that Harry was waiting there for awhile. Vernon's reaction was just fine, perfect almost. When the Wizards came... that was a very sad sight, and beautifully done. I think that you forgot to mention Harry's glasses though, I didn't know if they were on Harry's face or not and I think that that would be a little bit important to mention since it's part of Harry's identity. Umm.. the witches and wizards stopping and seeing Dumbledore with Harry seemed a little out of place. It seemed as if they all knew and stopped, instead of the probably curiousness they would show if Dumbledore were so sad and were carrying a boy.. and only the people close would have realized that it were Harry. Which would have made them shocked and maybe pass on the information to everyone else- and if Dumbledore wanted to keep it quiet, wouldn't they have hidden Harry's identity, covered his face so that no one would know? That was just something that didn't seem so realistic.
This was an awesome chapter. You managed to capture the emotions and feel of it perfectly. The hurt.. Harry's so frightened aas well he should be. Thank you for remembering that even though he's a hero, Harry is still a child. Snape was done wonderfully. Sirius... poor Sirius. This was such a dramatic chapter. I loved how you handled Snape learning the information, the series of events as each person found out. And the end, when Snape heard the sobbing and investigated and found Potter... I loved that part. Such a great chapter.
| Title: Chapter 3: An Unforeseen Complication | 23 Mar 2005 |
| Reviewer: Jan_AQ (Signed) |
- WOW! This story is just getting better and better. Incredible. I love the plot, the interaction... Everyone is in character and the mystery/drama is unfolded perfectly. What a gem! You truly have a wonderfuly imagination to come up with such an original story. Good writing too. I'm so happy to have found this. :)
Mentioning some stuff: You keep mentioning Sirius as "another teacher" when refering to Snape. In the last chapter it was in the narration when Sirius first came in and in this chapter McGonagall said it.
Severus Snape has tried to get custody of his Son Harry for the last 3 and a half years. This is what happens when the Ministry offers a compromise.
Just so you know Voldemort is dead and will be staying that way. This story is SLASH (James Potter/Severus Snape, NOT a Mpreg... Lily carried Harry for them there will be an explination flash back at some point)
Takes Place: 0 - Pre Hogwarts (before Harry is 11) - Snape flavour: None
Tags: Alternate Universe, Child fic, Slytherin!Harry, Snape-meets-Dursleys, SuperPower! Harry
Categories: Parental Snape > Biological Father Snape
Just so you know Voldemort is dead and will be staying that way. This story is SLASH (James Potter/Severus Snape, NOT a Mpreg... Lily carried Harry for them there will be an explination flash back at some point)
Takes Place: 0 - Pre Hogwarts (before Harry is 11) - Snape flavour: None
Tags: Alternate Universe, Child fic, Slytherin!Harry, Snape-meets-Dursleys, SuperPower! Harry
Categories: Parental Snape > Biological Father Snape
Rated: 16+
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Warnings: Abusive Dursleys, Romance/Slash
Chapters: 9 - Completed: No - Updated: 24 Jan 2006 / 19 Feb 2005
Series: None - Challenges: None
Chapters: 9 - Completed: No - Updated: 24 Jan 2006 / 19 Feb 2005
Series: None - Challenges: None
| Title: Chapter 1: Finally!!! | 21 Mar 2005 |
| Reviewer: Jan_AQ (Signed) |
- Ah! Nice chapter! :) I liked your portrayal of Snape and Dumbledore's characters. I love how Snape called Harry his 'baby'. Dumbledore (and you) were really clever to think of giving up the holidays once Harry started school in pretense. I like this version of Snape. On to read more! :)
By the way, we're looking into adding chapter e-mail alerts before the next version of e-fiction comes out since I don't think that we can wait that long.
| Title: Chapter 2: More Milk Please | 21 Mar 2005 |
| Reviewer: Jan_AQ (Signed) |
- Oh, poor Harry! :( This was a short chapter but i think that it set up and showed the situation Harry was in and his character enough. There was the child sweetness about having milk, the punishment, the toys and the explanation of Harry's chore list that all added depth to this chapter.
| Title: Chapter 3: Reunions | 21 Mar 2005 |
| Reviewer: Jan_AQ (Signed) |
- Yay Severus has come for Harry! :) I liked the way Harry remembered his Papa.. the memory about the Snitch was cute. Your descriptions were done well. This chapter was a little too short though. I felt like it was cut off right in the middle.
| Title: Chapter 4: And they think I am an unfit parent? | 21 Mar 2005 |
| Reviewer: Jan_AQ (Signed) |
- I liked how Petunia gave a potentially insulting 'that brat isn't half the child my son is' and Snape shot back with a literal “Thank god for small favors!”. Witty. I felt that Snape had a little too many juvinille insults. In one of the paragraphs he described the Dursleys as being a type of anime in almost every sentence. I like how Snape is taking charge and providing for his son, giving him everything he can. This chapter ended on another weird note, but I enjoyed it and I'm glad that there's more chapters to read. :)
| Title: Chapter 5: Time to Redecorate | 21 Mar 2005 |
| Reviewer: Jan_AQ (Signed) |
- Aww, that's going to be a sweet room! :) Some things in this chapter felt more staged... like the Owl appearing, and the mentions of the Dursley's reactions. I liked how Harry had a quandary over whether to tell the truth about his room, and how Snape got him to tell him truthfully. I also liked the way in which Snape just decided that the second bedroom would be Harry's from now on. The book lettering rearranging themselves was really cool. I liked Harry's thoughts about preschool and learning letters. It really added to his character in showing a childhood issue as well as what Harry wanted to do.
| Title: Chapter 6: Diagon Alley | 21 Mar 2005 |
| Reviewer: Jan_AQ (Signed) |
- I really liked the description of the forest mural desgn and how the branches would go over the bed, creating a sort of a canopy. That's truly magical. I liked the stores that they visited- they were really unique. The bathroom in the closet is a neat idea. You added a degree of reality by adding in that it couldn't be done right away and that it wouldn't be able to be used for the first 24 hours. Muggle is always supposed to be capitalized.
It would be really interesting to speculate and see what the strange arrangements Harry would have growing up might affect him. Psychology-wise. He would be a child yet his current guardians would be over showed and corrected by a man who would only see him once every other weekend. While they had an abusive background to Harry, now his main disciplinarians wouldn't really be able to discipline him for the things that a normal child would be disciplined for either. If Harry didn't like anything they did, he would be able to run away to his room and hide in it (if it had a locking charm or if the house elf were around) and he would be able to complain to his 'Papa' who would listen to him solely and do something about it. There is a lot of potential for abuse by Harry.