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Reviews For Where Once Was Light
And I hope there are some explanations as for Petunia's behaviour; it's quite confusing. Why didn't she treat Harry better if she loved her sister so much? Or why wouldn't she talk to him about his parents?
-P.G. Author's Response: Keep reading. And thanks again for a review!!
Harry's reaction was also perfect, shock and horror, but then deep inside, a feeling of hurt that his father wasn't pleased and didn't reach out to him. I hope they can soon begin to get to know one another. Author's Response: Aww! Thanks! I thought that this chapter was a bit hard to write, and was worried it didn't come off like I wanted it. So thank you very much! It means a lot to me when people like what I've done!! :)
Oh, I'm so anxious for the next chapter! Author's Response: Glad you liked it! Thanks for the review!!
Author's Response: To answer that question is simple: BECAUSE SHE KNOWS HE'D KILL HER!!! No, you'll find out more in the next chapter or so. But right now, think of it as a fear factor. Thanks for reviewing!
good thing severus didnt leave! poor harry he's still thinking it's his fault though it sucks that he didnt hear severus say: "It would appear that I was married to Lily for a duration of six months before…before the Headmaster saw it fit to… separate us. I had no memory of this before today." or he just ignored it >_ Author's Response: Glad you enjoyed the chapter! Thanks for the review!!
Ooh, the fact that after Petunia asked what happened to him, he calls Harry her nephew rather than his son. Almost a smack in the face to Harry, isn't it? I know they both wouldn't exactly accept it right away, but still, ouch. It almost seems as though Severus is running away now. Poor man is overwhelmed, but then again so is Harry. Well, wow. Severus made it up the stairs just in time before Dudley came in. Phew! Poor Harry. He wants a family so badly, but is rejected, or so he thinks. It seems that Severus is willing to somewhat try once he gets accustomed and adjusted to the idea or having his life turned upside down here. That is evidenced enough by the fact that he stayed in the house. Now they have to share Harry's room...Oh dear. Hopefully, Severus will have time to go through the items in that box a little more thoroughly and digest everything, and then take the next step. Have patience, Harry. Very interesting emotions going on here. Looking forward, as always, for more. Journals of leather are referred to as "leather bound" rather than leather covered, unless the leather was added to it as though over the already existing binding of a book. Not sure which way you meant it, but if you meant that the cover/binding was completely of leather, then the term is "leather bound." Again with the journal. Leather does not usually make a clicking sound when closed, even suddenly, unless there is one of those types of lock-things found on young girl's diaries. The sound a leather journal would make if closed forcefully, or quickly would be a...*experiments on my own leather bound book here*...I would say "snap." Click implies something metal rather than something softer like leather, or cloth. Typo Alerts: "How could he have not see what was literally staring at him in the face?" Change "see" to "seen." Next one: "But what captured Severus’s attention once more, where the small bottles that contained Lily’s memories." Change "where" to "were." Small one, but it bugged me: "“This,” Petunia said, opening the cover and taking out an envelop, “is Lily’s journal. And this,” she indicated to the envelop, “is a letter she wanted you to have, Harry.” The younger wizard took the offered envelop, his hands shaking slightly." In each occurrence of the word, envelope needs to have a final "e." Missing a word: "For just the wildest moment, Harry the man might actually bolt, and jump out the window." You are missing the word "thought" between "Harry" and "the." Harry's response to Severus asking him if he wants to know what happened: "“I, um, suppose I, uh, am?” Brilliant Harry!" It seems that Harry should say "do" rather than "am," because it would answer Severus' question better and make a little more sense as a response. Next chunk, a little while after the last one: "Again, the two wizards’ locked eyes, and Harry was startled to see..." Remove the apostrophe from "wizards." It is not a possessive and therefore needs no apostrophe. Awkward/unclear sentence: "Did he want it all? He had dreamed about a family..." It seems like you are missing a word in the first bit there. Were you intending something like, "Did he want it at all?" It just seems unclear, could be just me though. "He was running away from the child that he had wanted; from the boy he had held as a baby and coveted so fiercely he had thought his heart would give out?" That is a statement, not a question. Remove the question mark, and insert a period. "Running was the cowards way out..." The word "cowards" needs to be made possessive into "coward's." Verb/Tense agreement: "Had the man decided that he had not want a son?" If you use "decided" you must use "wanted," especially since you use "had not" just before the verb "want(ed)." Unnecessary word: "It never occured to the boy at that moment that he would not have wanted his most hated professor hugging on him..." Remove "on" between "hugging" and "him." Redundant: "Sitting on the a stair step, the young wizard sighed sadly." You only need to use either "stair" or "step." Your reader will know that you mean a step on the staircase, so using both words right after another is redundant and unnecessary. I would reccommend "step" since you use "stare" (verb) in the next sentence, and using "step" would give the two sentences a little separation. To answer your question from your response, I am not an English teacher. I do, however, offer my services in my university as a writing tutor. Hope that does not disappoint you that I am not an English teacher, but I thought it only fair to let you know. Author's Response: For your first question, you'll have to wait a bit to find out about that, but I can tell you Lily did NOT know that Sev would ever look at it. Oh, and I'm not disappointed that you're not an English teacher, I was just teasing in my own snarky manner. I just wondered too because you're quite good at this, and I do appreciate it!!! I'm glad you liked this chapter though, because today I was a little down and it kinda reflected in my writing style today. (I always seem to write horribly when I'm down or anxious) But the next chapter should be a lot more fun to write, so we should be OK there. I also felt like this chapter was a bit hard to write in and of itself. But I HOPE the next will be better! (It should be) Thanks again for your review!!!
Author's Response: Just stay tune and find out!!Thanks for the review, by the way!!
Author's Response: Thank you very much!! |
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