Reviews For Where Once Was Light
Jame's reaction to Snape was so sweet. Though at first I thought he will go for Dumb's beard, screeching "How dare you bring known death eater into my house, you mouldering stub?!!" But maybe I just try to put my hidden urge into Potter's head?..
Hover beside, waiting for next parts.)
Author's Response: Aww, thank you for the review! I'm glad everyone likes this story so far! Please keep checking, because I'm on a roll right now with a chapter a day.
Author's Response: AWWW!! That makes me SOOO happy to hear that!! I do that too when I find a story I like, but a lot of times they don't get posted for a week or more at a time. But I don't want to be like that with this, so I'm trying. THANK YOU for reading AND reviewing faithfully!!
Author's Response: Thank you!! I enjoy writing (as I'm sure you can tell) But this chapter and the anagram I came up with and wrote in my government and Theology classes! :S I should pay more attention, I guess, BUT I'm glad you liked them!!
Author's Response: Thank you very much!! I'm just glad that you're enjoying it!!
Happy 10th chapter anniversary and may you have many more to come!!
Last comment, "Severus pulled back and punched James in the face, completely knocking the other wizard"
>_< even if he wasn't expecting it...out like a light :3 GO SEV!
Author's Response: Aww! Thanks again for the review. And yes, I do believe a dragon would be a wise choice... But I'm glad you liked Sev punching James in the face. That was fun to imagine and I thought it was appropriate for the surrounds and all. Thanks again!!
When you say that Severus hisses like the serpent he was, I do hope you are only referring to the fact that he is of the Slytherin House and therefore more or less a snake, and not going for the metaphorical connotation of a serpent. (Western culture: serpents are a symbol of deception, betrayal, etc. Non-Western: Serpents symbolize immortality and rebirth, due to the shedding of their skins. The immortality symbol is commonly a snake devouring its own tail.) Could be just my opinion, but I think even DUmbledore would not say "sex-life," but would opt for a more delicate phrasing like, "...want to know any...intimate details," or something like that.
Lily seems to be living in a prison with havign a monitoring spell on her. That is just male supremacy and domination over this poor witch. James is right behind DUmbledore on my list here...Again, as I mentioned in my previous review, Snape even riled and near hysterical rage is a very literate and controlled man. I do not believe he would throw out the f-bomb like that. Again, since I just posted the last chapter's review, perhaps you want him a little more unrestrained and raw, which (as the author here) is of course up to you.
Now here is a question, as to DUmbledore's motives here: The whole idea of "getting Severus to face his losses." Does Dumbledore know that "Harry" is really Severus' son and not James, and he is having Severus meet out of the "goodness of his heart?" I find it doubtful, but then again I am all about hexing Dumbledore! Or does he really want to rub it in Severus' face the idea of "what could have been," even though it is?
HAHA! *laughs out loud!* I think this wins as my favorite line of the chapter: "It was probably semi-retarded knowing it’s father… but then again, it’s mother was very bright. Perhaps the child had a chance…" HAHA!
And you made an anagram for Severus Tobias Snape there to become Vesperus Basai Stone. Lovely. I, too, am a massive fan of anagrams! Love how he looks for something that would indicate the house being Lily's and not just James'. Oh, wow! Watch it, James! Walk on eggshells...no no, keep calling him a pet name, cause then he'll blast you with some curse or other! Sectumsempra, perhaps? That would be justice! Oh yes, irony indeed that James looked up to "the spy" for the Order. James is so stupid, I love it! (Not him, but that you make him so oblivious!)
Love how the one to actually cover Lily is Severus. Even in disguise he cannot help but be tenderly loving towards her. This little moment, from that point to Severus realizing that Harry has Lily's eyes was just lovely. Oh, the epiphany almost happened! The poor man, thinking he sees himself in the baby more than he sees James is just...*hugs Snape*
Yay! Severus finally called him an arse! That prat deserved it! And yeah, tell him, Sev! You did nothing wrong there, and everything that James should have done. And somehow I think Severus could rip James apart if they ever actually dueled! Pfft! Okay, James! HAHAH! *cheers! sips my tea in celebratory glee!* He punched him! HAHAH! That makes me so happy! I hate James. Oh, but Severus, you will very much care if you ever see Harry James Potter again...*cue dramatic music* Love it! Hopefully, by the time this review is posted another chapter isn't here to tackle! Love it! Your sped is admirably insane!
Typo Alerts: Severus walked into Dumbledore's office and glares: "When Albus finally did decided to look up, he smiled brightly at the young man." Decide should be present tense if you use "did" before it, but without "did" then "decided" could be used. I know what you mean visually when you say that Albus "steepled" his fingers, but I am not sure that "steepleing" is a word. *checks* No, that is not a word, but I know what you mean visually. "How could you not tell me about this Albus? How long have you know?" You need a comma between "this" and "Albus," and you need to use the past tense of know, "known." Again, this "know" needs to be in the past tense: “'What would you have done had you know Mrs. Potter was pregnant?'” Just after entering the study: "'“Opps,” James whispered. “Thought she’s at least be descent.'" Change "she's" to "she'd." In your author notes, you say that Severus' alias middle name is Basia...in your actual story text you have Basai, which is it? And the cruel nickname James and Sirius gave to Severus is spelled, "Snivellus."
Thanks again for another LONG review!! You must get annoyed with me sometime! :S But really, thanks for helping me out! In this chapter I thought it would be okay for Snape to be a little more uncontrolled as he's in stressful possition. He's also much younger and I thought it would be nice to see him give reign to his emotions a little bit more. And as for Dumbledore...? He's just a crazy old man. He does not know that Harry's Severus's son, as Harry's born ten months after Severus "dies" and Lily remarries. The old guy just thinks he can help Sev get over Lily by forcing him to see that she's married, with a son, and in a nice house. He doesn't want to be cruel (so he says...) but he believes in the long run it'll be better for Severus.
And I'm glad you liked Snape punching James. That was one of the most fun things to imagine! It made me giggle in class and I remember getting several odd looks... but it was still fun. I'm just glad I'm actually GOOD and government and history that I could blow it off so thoroughly in pursuit of writing! ;)
And quick question, are you an English teacher? Because you'd be VERY good at it! lol I find what you're doing for me very helpful! Yay- so thirty points to you! Darn! Thought I'd get away with the "steepleing" thing. I knew it wasn't a word, but I just hoped everyone wouldn't bother to check. So much for that! Foiled again!! lol But THANK YOU again!
Poor Harry...it's too much for him right now...Poor Severus...Not even remembering that he had been married to Lily. Ugh! Dumbledore, you git!
I knew it was time to reveal the box! Poor Severus! The truth hits him so hard, and to reveal that Dumbledore, whom he trusted destroyed not only his happiness but his family. The jolts of the parental bond idea is very cool! And there it is. The birth certificate. Poor Harry, finding out that not only is he Severus's son, but that he is practically named after him. And Severus, ugh! This poor man is getting choked by his own emotions. There needs to be a long chat soon with everyone. I'm glad you focused mainly on the shock of the situation rather than going straight to something like, "Oh, we're related? OKAY! I'm perfectly fine with that." Huzzah for keeping the emotion of shock around long enough so that things can kind of register for Harry and Severus.
Hmm, just a thought, but I don't think they (nurses, or anyone really) would carry around birth certificates in their pockets. They would at least summon them/conjure them with a wand perhaps. It seems very careless and unprofessional for a wizarding nurse to whip out a birth certificate from a pocket.
Another thought: While I agree that Harry might would use the word "shit" to describe the situation, I do not think that just after telling him to watch his tone, Severus would use the same word he told Harry to basically not use. Severus is a very literate man, even in rage. (Perhaps something like...absurd? Insanity? Something like that?) Unless you want your Severus to be more raw sounding. He is - what? (oh dear, math time...) - thirty-six at this point? He would resist using phrases that the younger generation would resort to, but that is just my opinion. (eg. "load of bullocks" would probably not be there...he would simply say "...come up with this was in poor taste.")
Typo time: Right before the year break: "With that in mind, she drifted off to sleep, not realizing that a nurse came to tuck Harry away." Do you mean "take" or did you really intend "tuck?" It sounded odd. You forgot the "s" in Hogsmeade. After Severus realizes the truth: "...Headmaster’s face when Severus had told him the truth, the ma’s disappointment, the pain, the betrayal…" Should read, "...the man's disappointment..." Yay! Still doing well on the technical side! Huzzah!
Thank you, thank you for all your advice! I tend to get carried away in high stress chapters because I want to make sure the reader feels everything the character's feeling, so sometimes I forget the little things I guess. But thanks for the advice, I did go back and change the little things! :)
I'm also very glad you liked the chapter! So, about those names... yeah, I did kinda have reasons for them. First off, with Tiberius, it is a similar name to Tobias (at least to me) and since Lily lost her husband, she wanted to make her son's name as close as possible to Severus's (ie Severin) So the first name is a take off of Severus, later you'll learn that Harrison will be Lily's father's name, Tiberius in the memory Tobias, but not exactly like Tobias since both Severus and Lily hated the man. :) Another reason why I chose Harrison was because I could not just leave the name as Harry and I'm not much taken with Harold myself, so Harrison was a no brainer. (Plus I REALLY like Harrison Ford lol) Thanks for actually take the time to wonder about that. I'm gunna explain it soon though.
I'm glad you picked up on James's behavior too, because I wanted to portray him as still just a kid (a selfish kid at that) so he would naturally not be too interested in little children. And I uber glad you liked Sev and Harry's shock. I hate it when the two of them hate each other and then are suddenly okay with each other. *ugh!* But thanks again for your lovely reviews!!
Severus holding the baby Harry, knowing that he felt a connection, but couldn't understand where the protective, possessive feeling came from was just perfect and sweet.
Can't wait for more!
Author's Response: Thank you very much!! Glad you liked it, because, if I'm allowed to say, I was particularly proud of this! ^^
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