Reviews For Everything Is Not What It Seems
Poor Harry! He is really hurt physically, but also he is wrecked mentally. He has low self-esteem and believes things are his fault, that he's worthless, and other terrible things. It will be hard for him to recover from that. I hope that Snape is up for the challenge.
Where did Harry's aunt and cousin go? Did Petunia divorce Vernon or did she and Dudley die in a car crash or something?
I really enjoyed this start to the story and hope that you will write more.
There were some things I noticed that could be improved:
Double-check your punctuation. Some periods are missing at the ends of sentences.
Several things to fix:
Snapping, he shoved the boy against the car, not caring that there might be a bruise or that there were passersby watching with even more curiosity. He snatched the trunk and bird cage with the freak's nephew and annoying bird locked inside, dumping them both in the boot, and gruffly telling the burden to get in the car. He closed the trunk and climbed into the driver's seat.
bird cage with the freak's nephew and annoying bird locked inside
bird cage with the freak's annoying bird locked inside
She shook her head again. “No Sev, it's worse than that! He needs help and you, Severus Tobias Snape, promised me protect him the minute I told you I was pregnant!”
promised me you'd protect him
“That serious?” he looked at her with wide black eyes, she nodded slowly, upset that she couldn't help her son as much as she wanted to. “Alright, I shall go now” he promised,
“Alright, I shall go now,” he
“Thank you Sev, I know I can always count on you.” She said, thanking her friend, kissing him softly on the lips.
“Thank you Sev, I know I can always count on you,” she said,
He doubted it was true, but what if it was, what she really did visit him in his dream?
He doubted it was true, but what if it was, what if she really did visit him in his dream?
All freaks go to hell. Was what he was taught by his relatives.
All freaks go to hell aas what he was taught by his relatives.
this paragraph was duplicated:
It was pitch black when Harry woke, and for a moment he wondered if he was dead, but learnt quickly he wasn't. All freaks go to hell. Was what he was taught by his relatives. Besides, he recognized the hard, thin material he was lying face-down on. His threadbare mattress, that he's always slept on in the cupboard under the stairs.
He struggled to sit up, wincing in pain at the reminder of his uncle’s hard work and the reminder of that he's nothing more than a magical freak.
I doubt they would, besides if they do, they'll no doubt get over it soon enough with their loving, supportive families. Harry thought bitterly
supportive families, Harry thought bitterly.
He wiped his an aching arm across his face,
He wiped his aching arm across his face,
He thought back to his couple of years at Hogwarts wondering if Snape would have treated him any different if he knew Harry has never lived the spoilt life he always says he does.
He thought back to his couple of years at Hogwarts, wondering
“BOY!” Harry flinched at the sound of his uncle's tone. Praying that the man wouldn't open the cupboard door.
“BOY!” Harry flinched at the sound of his uncle's tone, praying
The sound of a zipper being un zipped, bringing Harry out of his thoughts.
He sat,, swallowing thickly,
He sat, swallowing thickly,
The professor, couldn't get the image of Lily crying,
The professor couldn't get the image of Lily crying out of his head,
after years of attending Death Eater meeting.
Buck it up Severus, and find out. His mind told him, strangely sounding a lot like Lily.
Buck it up Severus, and find out, his mind told him,
New paragraph when Harry talks here, and a missing comma:
Oh Lily, James, I'm truly sorry I didn't take better care of your son, whom you entrusted me with.“Prof….professor?” Snape just about heard the boy mumble. Startling Severus out of his thoughts.
Oh Lily, James, I'm truly sorry I didn't take better care of your son, whom you entrusted me with.
“Prof….professor?” Snape just about heard the boy mumble, startling Severus out of his thoughts.
“Shhh child, yes it's I. Now rest” the professor whispered,
“Shhh child, yes it's I. Now rest,” the professor whispered,
Did Snape bring Harry's pants (undergarments) and trousers (jeans) back up before he picked him up? Or at least before they left the house?
Standing up, he, hurried back out the front door, occluding his mind to stop the strong temptation of torturing the muggle man, win a mental fight against his conscience.
muggle man, trying to win a mental fight against his conscience.
Writing is hard, and you have to be brave to post your work. I think that you did a good job with the setup and background of the story. Your characters are very in-character. I am enjoying your Snape and Harry both.
Thank you for writing and for posting it! Please update when you can. :)
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