“The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.” -John Muir

The immense relief and contentment, no matter how temporary, filled Harry warmly in the middle of his chest. It was a nice feeling to have. He had been slightly wary visiting his half-giant friend at first but after being received kindly by Hagrid in his hut and sharing a few hours of laughter and smiles the boy was glad he did. He was sure to express his apologies to his friend, his first acquaintance from the magical world, that he wouldn’t be taking Care of Magical Creatures for his sixth year. Thankfully, the groundskeeper had understood. Harry was also sure to apologize on Ron and Hermione’s behalf who were currently being briefed by Professor McGonagall with their prefect duties. Harry scheduled a date when the three Gryffindors could visit Hagrid’s hut together for tea within the week.

Something in his life seemed a little better now. It had been a heavy weight on his mind for a while and having Hagrid give the small statured boy a bone crushing hug was more than Harry could have hoped for.

“Be sure to send me an owl if you need any help on the weekends, Hagrid. I’m sure I’ve remembered some of your lessons about the flobberworms.” Harry grimaced internally as he knew he’d regret this later on but the smile on Hagrid’s face told him otherwise.

“Thanks, ‘Arry. I will. Oh! Here are the cakes fer ‘Ermione and Ron.”

Hagrid sent Harry on his way as it was starting to get dark while the cooler winds began to pick up. They seemed to escape from the Forbidden Forest as though the very trees were inhaling and exhaling themselves. Harry clutched his outer robe more securely around him as he was already halfway to the castle and starting up a rather steep hill just as a figure stepped out from behind a tree.

Harry turned to see who it was and instantly had to fight the urge to whip out his holly wand. Draco Malfoy. After the embarrassing and painful encounter he had to endure from the train ride earlier in the year, Harry was still seething with anger and frustration. He didn’t trust the arrogant Slytherin as far as he could throw him.

“Malfoy,” Harry greeted tersely. He only wanted to retreat back to the castle and to the Gryffindor Common Room before the other boy made him lose his temper. But turning your back on a Malfoy was a very dangerous thing to do so Harry stood his ground.

“Potter,” the blonde spat distastefully. “It seems I’ll have to report you for being out past curfew.”

Harry crossed his arms in front of his chest and quirked a brow. “I still have an hour, Malfoy. I’ll be in my Common Room way before then.” What was he up to?

Malfoy’s lip curled with a dark look in his eyes. “Who say’s you’ll be in the castle by then?”

“Listen, I don’t have time to kick your arse. I’ve got better things to do with my time right now, ferret.” Harry replied as he shoved his hands into his pocket, the smooth length of his wand at his fingertips if it was needed. Harry’s face remained impassive as though he was bored but he felt a burst of satisfaction as the other boy’s face colored red.

“How dare you?! You have some nerve…like you are one to talk! Hoping to kill some time hanging around your favorite mudblood?”

Harry fought to stay calm. ‘Don’t give into his egging. He wants a reaction out of me.’

“Or maybe flaunt yourself in front of those worshipping, blood-traitorous weasels! Saint Potter is doing charity work now too?”

‘He wants a reason to fight me.’ But Harry’s hand gripped fiercely at his wand. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll shut up, ferret!”

“Is that a threat? You’re not man enough to fight me, Potty.” Malfoy sneered. There was a toothy, feral grin in place and his eyes looked haunted. Maybe the boy had finally snapped? “Why don’t you sick that lousy mutt of yours on me? Of wait, poor widdle Potty’s puppy isn’t—”

Harry’s wand slashed through the air and he swung it to aim right in the blonde’s face as he stomped purposefully towards him. His wand trembled in his hand as his body shook with anger. “You have no right to talk about people who are more worthy of the air you breathe, scum.”

“Really?” Malfoy smirked. He didn’t seem bothered in the least that Harry’s wand was pointing a mere inch between his eyes. Then Harry noticed that he was staring past him at something behind him. Or someone.

His sight filled with white momentarily as he felt someone punch him hard between the shoulder blades and he stumbled forward allowing Malfoy to snatch his wand out of his hand. The dark haired boy fell to his knees roughly and he saw three pair of feet walking around him. Then he was lifted onto his feet clumsily by two thick arms that locked themselves painfully where his upper arm met his shoulder. Of course, where was Malfoy without his two bumbling sidekicks? Crabbe and Goyle held him tight as Harry began to struggle fiercely in their grip. They smirked cruelly as his attempts were futile.

Malfoy twirled Harry’s wand between his fingers as he stepped in front of his new captive. “Not so high and mighty now, are you?”

“How about you burn in hell, Malfoy? Or better yet, join your dad in Azakaban?” The blonde boy frowned deeply with a murderous look but then it was gone. Something had gone unhinged in the Slytherin and that couldn’t be good on Harry’s part. Harry wasn’t sure how he was going to get out of this mess. If only Hermione or Ron would notice he wasn’t in the Common Room to meet them by now. Why hadn’t he used his invisibility cloak to get to Hagrid’s?

The Slytherin didn’t bother to answer him and Harry began to worry as Malfoy motioned for his two stooges to follow him. He was being taken farther from the castle and as they got closer to the forest, Harry’s imagination began to churn. He needed to escape somehow…light was fading, time was against him. The darkness of the night began to creep around them and the ominous shadows of the Forbidden Forest curled themselves around their forms as they entered between the trees. What was lurking out there ready to harm him?

“Let me go!” Harry snarled viciously as he continued to fight against the arms that were restraining him to move forward. “Whatever you’re planning isn’t going to work. Someone from Gryffindor will notice I’m gone and they’ll come down here to find me.”

The three of them let out ugly chuckles. “They can try. But they won’t find you.” Goyle said as he pulled Harry forward as the smaller boy tried to dig the soles of his trainers into the ground.

“They won’t find you for a long while.” Crabbe chortled maliciously.

“That is, if something in here doesn’t find you first.” their ringleader smirked.

They continued forcing Harry to move forward sometimes dragging him before the blonde boy held up his hand and they halted. He studied a few choice trees and finally stood before one with a satisfied smirk. When Malfoy pointed to the tree, Harry was forced to stand against it with his back to it as Crabbe and Goyle continued their iron hold on his bruised arms. He was pushed so hard against it that he felt the bark scratch through his robes. Harry’s eyes darted from side to side analyzing his surroundings. There was nothing but trees. Unfortunately they weren’t too deep in the forest to have one of Aragog’s children snack on his current abductors.

“I was thinking, Potter…you must really miss that idiot Black.”

“Don’t you dare talk about Sirius!” Harry yelled as he tried to lunge for Malfoy in vain. The two iron grips on his arms tightened so the blood pumping into his limbs was uneven.

“It’s too bad the mutt won’t be around to see this…” Malfoy stuck Harry’s wand in a pocket of his robe and took out his own. Harry couldn’t help the perspiration that began to coat his fists. He was unarmed and unable to even flee…and had no idea what the sadistic Slytherin was up to. Whatever emotions of content he had been treasuring before were now lost to him. He knew Malfoy planned on restraining him to the tree…he couldn’t allow them to do that…he needed to buy some time.

“Stupid ferret, you’ll regret—”

“DON’T call me that!” Malfoy bellowed as he swung a fist into Harry’s abdomen, knocking the wind out of him. Harry tried to spit on Malfoy’s shoes but missed. When he lifted his head he pictured bloodying the blonde’s face into a painful pulp. “You’re mutt would have had a lot of fun memories with another freak friend.” There it was, the word ‘freak’. It almost made Harry laugh. Even in this world too, huh? He could never escape it… “I was thinking a rabbit would suffice. You’d be stuck as a rabbit for days!” Malfoy laughed at the idea, a gleam of satisfaction at the vision in his head.

“Or a groundhog!” one of his drones said…

“Or a skunk!” said the other.

Malfoy stopped his pacing from trying to envision all of their ideas. “Wait. I know. A squirrel!”

The two arms holding him loosened slightly as they began to guffaw unabashedly at Malfoy’s words. They swayed and soon their hold on him was loose enough. Harry took this advantage and stepped forward with enough force to unsettle the two laughing baboons and slipped his arms out of their grip while they fought to balance themselves. The lumbering dolts looked confused for a moment but by then Harry had made his next move.

Run.

It would have been three against one and it would’ve been difficult to get his wand from Malfoy without ending up bound to the tree and attacking the Slytherins in the form of a squirrel. Harry could certainly do without that.

Harry sprinted between the trees with difficulty as Malfoy yelled in frustration at Crabbe and Goyle. They chased after him. Although Harry was having a bit of a problem with the forest obstacles before him, he had the upper hand after all the running he did from Dudley and his gang. Compared to the Slytherins, Harry was a natural at maneuvering around the forest. Plus his muggle trainers were better suited for such a run.

But he had no wand.

“Stupefy!” A bolt of red singed past his left shoulder as he climbed over a fallen tree trunk. More curses were thrown his way. “Stop. I’ll take care of this.” Malfoy ordered the other two as they began to aim another round at the fleeing boy.

Crabbe and Goyle stopped their aim and made room for Malfoy to steady his wand. Ignoring the stitch that was beginning to throb in his side and the other bruised pains he had been inflicted with, Harry concentrated on the ground beneath his feet and the noises around him. The silence as Malfoy took careful aim on his fleeing figure continued to add to the anxious twisting in his stomach.

“BESTIA VERTO!” Malfoy yelled, a bright pale blue light firing out of the tip of his wand and flying fast towards Harry from behind. Harry spun around to see what was being hurled at him and he couldn’t help but mentally curse the evil, amused look in Malfoy’s face as the blast met Harry’s chest with full force, sending him on his back.

Harry groaned from the impact and began to panic as he felt a strange sensation erupt from where he had been hit. It then traveled, bursting from the center of his chest and spread as though covering the underside of his skin. But it did not inhibit him from regaining his footage and continuing his run. He knew the other boys would be closing in on the distance between them if he stayed on his back for too long. Harry couldn’t help but compare this to Dudley Dursley’s ‘Harry Hunting’ game.

Run. Run. Run.

He weaved between the trees and fleetingly wondered on how it seemed easier to leap over the tree trunks and how his agility had improved. The foreign sensation persisted but didn’t hinder his escape. Judging from the density of trees, he was almost out of the forest, and then he could get to Hagrid’s hut or find—

“ARRRGH!” Harry fell against a tree as the pain erupted throughout his body. The tingling that had coated his skin was now burning with such an unbearable intensity that it was making him nauseous. He forced his legs to move forward and continue towards where he would seek help but he only managed to fall against another nearby tree desperately. He began to sweat profusely as he tried to gulp in as much oxygen as possible trembling from the pain. Harry was sure he was going to sick up some time soon. The burning that was intent on leaving his insides a pile of scorched ashes made him think of strange thoughts...

He needed to run! Run and feel the wind fighting against him. He needed to conquer the wind. Race it and defeat it! No, wait…he needed to stay put or he wouldn’t be found. He needed to hide. Yes, that was it…hide!

Because…because…someone was going to find him. How dreadful it was to be alone—and with intruders around, he could smell three of them, hear the cracking and snapping of forest debris underfoot—how frightened he was…but he needed to stay put. He would be found.

Harry was no longer leaning against the tree but kneeling on his hands and knees at the base of it, the ground under his hands whispering through his touch of the intruders that he had to hide from. As Harry knelt there, the pain was gone and slowly an acceptance of what was going to happen took over his body, muscles relaxed and breathing unlabored. His body dimly glowed but he was hidden by the surrounding trees and shrubbery he knelt by. The soft blue light rippled from his chest and through his limbs all the way to the tips of his fingers and toes. He barely took notice of the reshaping of his limps and shifting muscles.

Then the glowing stopped and Harry stayed huddled on the ground, slowly tucking himself beneath a bush. Footsteps came near, three pairs of heavy feet crunching mercilessly on the small plants and insects on the ground. Harry stiffened himself and he stayed as quiet as possible, keeping his breaths even and soundless.

He chanted in his head.

They can’t smell me. They can’t see me. They can’t smell me. They can’t see me.

Man was in the forest.

The three Slytherins bickered with one another unaware of the creature that was hiding right under their noses. “We should get back to the castle, Draco. We have ten minutes till curfew.” one of the larger ones said.

“Yeah, maybe he’s already climbed a tree to make a nest!” The two drones roared with laughter.

“Shut up, you two! He needs to be driven deeper into the forest.” Malfoy hissed at them.

“But, Draco—”

“If he finds his way to the castle, someone might suspect a squirrel with green eyes, don’t you think?”

“Maybe the curse doesn’t allow him to keep his memories?”

“Yeah, he’s probably busy packing acorns for the winter right now!”

This seemed to convince the blonde Slytherin enough. He let out a chuckle. “Yeah…he’ll be out of our hair for a while now. Even if they find him, it’ll take weeks to find ingredients for the cure alone.” Malfoy continued to laugh as he started walking towards the edge of the forest and the others followed suit making up scenarios of Harry Potter the squirrel-who-lived to one another.

The little creature stayed there feeling relieved that the three had passed on and were soon out of his scent range then soon their footsteps could be heard no more. But how he wished he wasn’t alone! Dusk had long fallen and somehow the young thing knew something was amiss. He should not have been left alone after dusk. But those creatures…man…would they return? Should he start crying out? It was too risky.

So the small creature, frightened and worried, waited silently. Give it some more time, he thought to himself. He laid there watching as the night filled everything within the forest in its grasp…and hours passed by achingly slow for the young thing.

Where was his mother?

Crack.

Harry stilled once again and tucked his head low lying as flat against the ground as he could. The presence drew nearer…

Mother?

No, it was not mother. It was another one of them…a man.

“Count on that insufferable brat to get lost in here at this hour.” Severus Snape muttered irritably to himself. He held up his wand which was lit at the end and he pointed it around him to search for the sixteen year old boy. If only the foolish Gryffindor wasn’t so inept at following the simplest of rules! Following curfew was simple enough especially when such importance laid on them at a time of war. Had the brat no consideration for the precious effort and hours that they were wasting?

The dark clad figure continued to hold up his glowing stick as he walked closer to Harry’s hiding spot. Then the man was standing right next to his shrub and he had paused the lighting over the twigs. The coal black eyes fell upon the small creature that huddled silently beneath the twiggy branches.

Can’t smell me. Can’t see me. Can’t smell me…

The small creature was filled with fright as the eyes continued to stare at him. Where? Where was his mother?

Snape studied the little animal, a babe of some species that stared up at him from underdeath the bush. It held his eyes, staring back with terror. Slowly, the Potions Master stepped away from it and continued looking between trees and shrubbery in case the incompetent boy who was MIA was unconscious on the forest floor. The boy was a magnet for trouble.

No where. Snape let out a disheartened sigh at his unsuccessful search. Currently the whole staff was in search of the brat within the castle and searching its grounds. Hagrid had seen Harry Potter last and had left his hut with more than enough time to spare to get to Gryffindor tower. Snape got a migraine at imagining what kind of mess the Gryffindor could have gotten into this time.

He had wanted to find the boy himself to give him a sharp lecture that would leave the boy a shameful puddle of goop. Well, not tonight, at least. Maybe another one of the Hogwarts staff had found him. Potter could always do with two adults reprimanding him. Not that that would help the boy’s useless capacity to soak in what he was being told.

Snape now had to send a message to the headmaster to report of his findings. Or lack thereof.

Happy thoughts.

“Expecto Patronum,” Snape recited effortlessly. I await a protector.

It was always a pleasure to watch the graceful creature erupt as a wispy mist from the tip of his wand and form its shape as it landed its hooves—her hooves—on the ground. She was a magnificent creature in silver glowing with a peaceful white light around her. She bowed her head at the man and stepped forward with attentive eyes.

Harry watched from his hiding spot in a mixture of awe, confusion and a wonderful explosion of delight. She was mesmerizing, this new creature’s appearance trying to tell him something. Mother! It…it had to be her! Then he continued to watch in confusion as the creature approached the man and leaned her head to nuzzle against his offered hand. She wasn’t afraid of the man?

The man made no move to harm her, only to give her comfort. And she gave it back in return.

Snape smiled softly at the majestic form of his Patronus. The doe was his protector, his guardian. There was no other form he could have hoped to have in her place. But he continued to hide her, the doe, from others. Only Albus Dumbledore knew. Only he knew about his doe. Only he knew Severus Snape and his Lily.

“Hello again.” Snape said quietly, staring deeply into the curious eyes of his Patronus. “I have a message to be sent to Albus Dumbledore. I have searched the Forbidden Forest and Potter is not present here.” With that the doe bowed her head again and began to turn towards the castle. It was then that Harry’s insides filled with dread as he knew she was going to leave. Why would she leave him behind?

Snape turned quickly at the sudden, helpless cry. The small creature he had come across uncurled from underneath the bush quickly and attempted to stand on knobby knees. The legs were thin and Snape wondered how the small thing was able to stumble and not break a leg each time. It bleated pitifully as the form of his Patronus took flight and headed for the headmaster’s office.

‘Mother!’ Mother!’ His mother had just been here. Why would she leave him? It was dark and he couldn’t be left alone. ‘Mother? Mother, where are you?’

The little fawn quieted as the doe disappeared from sight and the emotions of terror and loneliness filled the small, young body.

Then the frightened eyes turned to face those of the surprised man.

It was strange to find any deer in the Forbidden Forest. It was a sad thing to behold, lost and from the looks of it, abandoned. The little fawn’s head barely reached the Potion Master’s knee. It looked healthy as far as Snape could tell…with a healthy shade of reddish-brown coat that was darker, almost black, on its back. It was spotted with white as well with a creamy underside from its neck to its tail. The small creature looked at Snape with large dark eyes that were wide set and a coal black nose. Velvety ears were lowered against its head in fear as it stood trembling on its gangly, thin legs.

Harry knew he was standing out in the open in plain sight of this man…this possible predator. But he was frozen to the spot. Two options had run through his head: fight or flight…but it seemed his only working option was neither: stare.

The eyes held each other for what seemed like an eternity before they were interrupted with the approaching presence of the patronuses.

The silver doe and phoenix appeared before Snape and the fawn in all their ethereal beauty and bowed before the two. The glowing phoenix landed on a branch near Snape and the headmaster’s aged yet optimistic voice was spoken as though he were with them in the forest.

“I have instructed your Patronus to find Harry by giving her a bit of my memory of the Gryffindor. If he is in the forest, Severus, she will find him.” the old man said confidently.

Snape nodded to himself and observed the glowing doe. But she made no sign that the boy was even in the forest. She stayed put, not bothering to go deeper into the forest or even indicating with her head as to a direction. The boy was not here. He couldn’t be. His doe finally turned her attention towards the fawn that was unmistakably beside itself with joy.

Snape continued to study his Patronus as she approached the tiny fawn that quivered on his unstable legs. The little thing was near bursting with joy Snape noted with mild amusement. The doe was much larger than the fawn so she lowered her head to nuzzle affectionately against the little creature who was no longer frightened of Snape’s presence, merely swept up by the attention of the Patronus. The fawn’s tail was actually wagging vigorously to such affection.

Harry was truly fit to explode with happiness. Somehow…it felt as though his mother had been kept from him for so long. But it was all right now…mother was here. The fawn took comfort in his cheek lying perfectly still against the doe’s, both looking at one another emotionally. Harry tried to ask his mother where she had run off to but she remained silent. She kept her warm, loving gaze on him…so nothing else mattered. Everything would be okay. He had been so scared before and now he was so happy.

“Tell the headmaster: the boy is not here.” Snape told the phoenix. “Just a fawn.” he added in a softer, somber tone. The phoenix bowed again and took to the air with its message.

The doe and fawn looked near perfect for one another as though truly the doe had given birth to the shivering, joyous thing on trembling legs. Snape had never heard of any signs of strong emotion being given off by a Patronus before, especially from a being created out of pure magic and the essence of happy memories towards a living, breathing creature. But he knew…

He knew he couldn’t allow them to grow more attached to one another than they already were.

Snape wasn’t sure if he’d be able to forgive himself for what he had to do next.

He lifted his ebony wand and it glowed slightly. The doe lifted her own head at his action and looked toward Snape understanding that she was being called back. The fawn began to look worried when she did this, trying to recapture her attention by trotting in front of her but to no avail. And then he tried frantically to follow in her long strides as she approached the glowing wand. Snape felt a heavy tension in his chest as he saw his Patronus turn and give the fawn one final glance before she erupted into a silver cloud.

When she disappeared in the silver mist, the fawn’s heart-breaking cries were almost enough to break Snape’s stoic mask. But he pulled himself together. No use…it had been necessary either way.

The Slytherin Head of House stared at the trembling creature again who was still bleating its distressed cries. Without the creature’s mother, the fawn would most likely starve to death if a predator didn’t find the young thing first. Snape tried to convince himself that it was natural order of things. And Snape more than anyone knew such was life, as much as he hated the truth.

‘Mother! Mother? Where are you? MOTHER? DON’T LEAVE ME!’

“I am sorry,” Snape murmured before he started back to the castle. His black robes billowed behind him.

Harry wanted so much to…to…to cry. But what was crying? A strange image of small dew drops falling from eyes dimly registered in his mind before he shook them away. That was silly. But his mother…

The fawn watched forlornly as the dark man began to make his way to the edge of the forest. What would he do now? How would he find his mother…she was here only moments ago and yet no scent to follow her by… But the man… The man had been nice to his mother and his mother had liked the man too! That…that had to mean something. Maybe…maybe she would return to the man once more! Yes, the fawn was convinced he could trust the two legged creature.

So the fawn decided to follow him.