A split second can alter a life.  Or several lives.

The way it did the lives of Hal and Vi Evans that Tuesday six months after the death of their youngest daughter, Lily Ann Snape. They had been on their way back from paying a visit to their daughter's grave, leaving fresh cuttings from Vi's garden beneath the headstone, and tears as well. 

"I can't believe she's gone so soon, Hal," whispered Violet Evans to her husband, struggling not to break down into sobs.  "I still think sometimes that if I were merely to turn . . .there she'd be."

Hal squeezed her shoulder comfortingly, a lump in his throat the size of a mountain. He was a tall man with a shock of prematurely white hair, and he dwarfed his wife by a foot, but now his broad shoulders were bowed with the awful weight of grief and sorrow of a child lost forever to heaven's embrace.  He closed his eyes and breathed in and out sharply.  Just when he had thought he had started to accept the fact that his beloved baby girl was gone . . .the pain came back, stabbing him anew. 

"She's with the angels now, Vi," he managed to get out, his voice hoarse.  "At peace."  At least I hope she is.  That's what I'm supposed to believe . . .but how do I know for sure?  Severus swore she was there, in heaven, in the place where shadows go, and maybe he knows better than me, on account he's a wizard.  Suppose I ought to be grateful, that's she not suffering anymore, she was so sick there at the end . . .But I want her back! May God forgive me, I want her back!

"Oh, Hal!" Vi wept.  "It's not fair.  She had so much life in her.  She loved Sev and Harry so much, so very much! Why was she taken so soon? Why not one of us? I would have gladly gone in her place."

"I know, hon.  I know." Hal held her to his chest.  "Me too. But it wasn't to be.  It was her time, luv. God wanted her . . ." Two tears trickled down his weathered cheeks to fall upon the tombstone.  "He needed her more n'us, I suppose."

"But she had a child, Hal . . .and now poor Harry has no mum.  And poor Sev too, he loved her so much, I never saw a man so in love with a woman like he was with Lily. . . " She began to cry softly.

Hal hushed her.  But he knew she was right.  It was a terrible thing for Harry to grow up without Lily, and as for Severus, Hal had feared the young man would snap in two when Lily breathed her last.  Lily had been Severus' best friend and first and only love, the person he trusted most in all the world.  Her death had nearly shattered him.  Hal was certain that only his love for Harry kept Severus sane those first weeks after Lily's death. 

"He'll pull through, Vi.  He's a strong man, and he's got us, and those crazy friends of his, Al and Minerva, and Sirius and Remus.  And he's got Harry.  He'll go on, like the rest of us, one day at a time . . ." He couldn't speak any longer, his throat had closed again, as he recalled how Lily used say that to him sometimes.  "I'll do it, Dad, watch and see. I'll take it one day at a time."  One day at a time.  There were times Hal prayed he could make it through one hour, or one second, let alone a day.

I miss you, Lily flower.  So much.  Take good care of my girl, Lord.  Please.

"We ought to go over there, Hal," Vi said suddenly. She was filled with a sudden longing to hold her grandson, the last living link she had to her daughter. 

Hal looked at her askance.  "But Vi, we were just there two days ago. Sev needs some time with Harry to himself. I don't want him to think we're checking up on him, like he's an unfit father or something. That's not right."

Vi gave him a stubborn look, brushing back her fading auburn hair from her forehead.  "Henry Evans, there's nothing wrong with me wanting to visit my grandson.  I need to see Harry.  I can't tell you why . . .I just need to see him. And Severus needs us too, even if he won't admit it."

She gave her husband a pleading glance.

Hal was not up to resisting that look, not now.  "Okay, Vi. We'll go and see Sev and Harry. Good thing this is his day off, so he'll be home."

The two placed a kiss on top of the headstone and then departed the cemetery, the flowers creating a bright splotch of color among the white headstones and green-covered graves. 

Vi glanced back once as they walked away.  Lily, my sweet girl, you shall live on in our memories and our hearts and in your son, who has your eyes and your personality.

They got into their car, a small red Ford Anglia, and Hal drove out of the parking lot and onto the highway.  The cemetery wasn't far from Severus' house on Aspen Avenue in London, it was about a fifteen minute drive, not counting the traffic they sometimes encountered. 

It had begun to drizzle, making the roadway slick.

Hal was driving slowly and carefully, he was still upset and wanted to make sure nothing unforeseen happened.  Little did he know that his precautions were all for naught. 

He braked for a traffic light.

A split second later, a lorry came around a corner, a delivery van, and the driver took the curve too fast and skidded out of control on the wet road.

Hal had no time to react, no time to move.

The lorry struck the car and ran it off the road into a tree. 

Hal and Vi's last thoughts were of Harry and Severus, and how surprised they would be to see them.

A split second after that they were gone.

* * * * * *

Two weeks after the tragic accident, Severus held Harry's hand as the four-year-old placed a basket of carnations and violets upon the single grave that read Violet and Henry Evans, together in death as in life.  Severus would have liked to bury them next to Lily, but Petunia had insisted they be buried next to her grandparents, and Severus knew better than to fight the woman over it, besides which she was their next of kin and had already paid for the plot.

Harry looked up at his father, his green eyes bright with unshed tears.  "Daddy, why did Granny and Pop have to go ‘way like Mummy?"

Severus closed his eyes.  He was not ready to answer that question yet, it hurt too much.  First Lily, now Hal and Vi.  He had loved the Evanses fiercely, Hal had been like a surrogate father to him, a far better one than his real father had ever been, and Vi had treated him like a son as well, like Eileen would have done.  It tore him open inside to have to say goodbye this way, he had been relying on them to help him get through the dark days after Lily's death.  Now they too were gone.

"Why, Daddy? Why did they go with Mummy? I didn't want them to!" Harry sniffled. "I wanted them to stay here with me. Granny was gonna teach me how to plant an' Pop was gonna take me to see a football game.  It's no fair, Dad! How can they do anything if they're way up there?" He pointed to the sky.  His lower lip began to tremble. 

Severus knelt down and hugged the sniffling child.  "Son, your grandparents didn't want to leave you-"

"Then why did they?"

"Because . . .it was their time," he managed at last, though the words felt hollow. Like he himself felt.  "They went to keep your mum company as angels, little one."

"That's stupid!" the child cried angrily.  "There are enough angels in heaven, they didn't need to go there! Make them come back, Dad!"

"Harry, I can't do that . . ."

"Why? You're a Healer, why can't you bring ‘em back?"

"Harry, I can't bring back the dead.  It's not possible." Severus said sadly. He stroked his child's messy dark hair and Harry clung to him, crying bitterly. "I would if I could, scamp, but even magic has limits."

The little boy began to cry harder.  "Then you're stupid too!" he shouted, and then he wriggled free of Severus's arms and threw himself at the headstone, kicking at it and bawling. 

Severus just stood there, unable to say anything, for a part of him longed to do the very same thing. 

Three rows over, an elderly couple was also visiting a loved one and they looked up in disapproval at Harry's carrying on. 

"Someone ought to teach that spoilt brat some manners!" the woman said loudly. "It's disgraceful!" She gave Severus a pointed look.

Severus glared right back at her.  "That spoilt brat has just lost his mother and his grandparents in less than a year, madam! And I'll thank you to mind your own business!"

"Oh! I . . .didn't know. I'm so sorry . . ."

Severus ignored her. Sorry wouldn't bring back the dead, nor ease his son's grief or his own.  He knelt and pulled Harry into his arms. "Shhh . . .Harry, it's all right. You're exhausted, you need a nap." Harry struggled, but Severus had practice dealing with cranky out-of-sort children and he expertly swung the boy on his hip, ignoring the howls and Harry's attempts to get free. "Let's go home."

He began to walk quickly out of the cemetery, Harry still sobbing and flailing.

Once he was safely out of sight, Severus Apparated back to his home on Aspen Avenue, where he gave his grieving child a spoonful of a mild Calming Draught mixed in a cup of hot cocoa and also a dose of a Sleeping Draft.  Harry drank the cocoa willingly, allowed Severus to wash his face, and then Sev took him over to the antique rocker that he had inherited from Eileen, and sat down and rocked his son to sleep, which was something he had not done since Harry was very young.

As his son's hushed breathing filled the room, interrupted by the occasional hiccupping sniffle, Severus put his head down and wept quietly.  I need help, damn it all.  I don't know what to do anymore.  I don't have any answers. Not for Harry or myself either.  I was counting on Vi and Hal to help me through this and now . . .why did this have to happen? Wasn't it enough that Lily had to go to the land where shadows go? Why the blazes did you have to follow her?

He should be used to this, he reflected sorrowfully. This wasn't the first time he had to deal with the loss of a loved one. Eileen had died when he was eighteen and then Lily, he should have learned to mourn and then go on, but instead he seemed stuck in a horrible kind of limbo, where he fluctuated between grief and anger.  Perhaps it was because these deaths had come so suddenly after Lily's. A part of him refused to accept, to let them go. 

He closed his eyes.  I am so sick of death and tears.  I'm a Healer, why the hell can't I manage to heal myself? Or Harry? He needs healing worse than I do.  At a loss, he slipped into an exhausted sleep, only to be wakened two hours later by Harry whining that he was hungry.

* * * * *

"Harry, put your coat on, we need to leave," an exasperated Master Healer told his dawdling child.  "I'm going to be late for work, now hurry up!"

"No! Don' wanna go to the center!" Harry whined.  The coat lay where he had thrown it on the floor.

"Harry, pick up your coat and put it on," Severus ordered.  "You have to go to the center today."

"No-o-o! I wanna go to Ron's and Miss Molly's!" Harry yelled, stamping his foot.

"Harry Severus, do not stamp your foot at me! I told you, Miss Molly and Ron are sick with dragon pox, and you can't go near them.  They're contagious.  They could make you sick," he amended, remembering that Harry didn't know medical terms yet. 

"Don' care! I wanna see them."

"You can't. Now put on your coat and let's go."

Harry didn't move.

Out of patience, Severus began to count. "One."

"No! I don' wanna go there!"

"Two."

"I wanna to go to Granny's and Pop's house!"

Severus groaned and put his head in his hands.  "Harry . . .you can't go there either.  Granny and Pop don't live there anymore. Remember?" Petunia had sold the house as soon as she could.

Harry burst into tears.

Severus longed to run headfirst into the wall.  He knew he shouldn't argue with the child, that he should just pick him up and put him in the daycare center, and Harry would have to just learn to deal with it.  I don't have time for this! I have patients to see in about twenty minutes! He longed to shake his stubborn son.  "Harry, stop crying and listen to me.  If you don't want to go to the center, what about somewhere else?"

"Where? To Uncle Moony's? Or Padfoot's?"

But again Severus shook his head no. Remus and Sirius were working and couldn't watch Harry either. Severus was at his wits end.  Then he got another idea.  It was a last ditch effort to keep from hauling his son kicking and screaming over his shoulder into daycare and risk having someone call Wizarding Child Services.  "No. How about we go to Hogwarts? To Uncle Al and Aunt Min?"

Harry thought it over.  Then he coughed and nodded. "'Kay."

Severus washed his son's face again and then they Flooed to Hogwarts.

* * * * * *

Albus looked up from a letter he was writing when his Floo chimed. A split second later, Severus Snape stepped through the fireplace, carrying Harry on his hip. Albus's eyes brightened. "Severus, my boy! How nice to see you! A bit unexpected, to be sure . . .Why, Severus, is anything the matter?" He broke off upon catching sight of the Master Healer.

Severus was pale and his eyes were burned holes in his head.  He looked on the verge of collapse.  Harry was little better, though he smiled cheerily when he saw the Headmaster and held out his arms.

"Hello, Harry!" Dumbledore said, going and taking the little boy from his father. "Severus, sit down before you fall down."

Severus sank into an armchair. "Albus, I apologize, but I just wanted to ask if you could watch Harry, I would have left him at the hospital center, but he threw a fit and I really don't need to be arrested for child abuse, so I came here hoping that-"

"Of course, my boy! No trouble at all. But you look like you need a rest too, Severus.  You look like you haven't slept or ate right in a week." Dumbledore said, peering at the younger man in concern.

"I'm fine," Severus waved away his concern. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to be going, I have a full schedule of patients today-" He began.

"Severus, you're in no condition to see patients today," Albus said firmly. "Sit down." He pushed the younger wizard back down in the chair and then he called for his house elf, Ivana. 

"Master Albus, what you be needin'?"

"Ivana, I need you to call Minerva and tell her to come to my office.  Tell her Harry is here and I need her to amuse him for a bit while I talk to his father."

"Right away, Master Albus, sir!"

Ivana blinked away.

"Auntie Min come?" Harry asked softly.

"She'll be here shortly," Albus told him.  "Now then, would you like a lemon drop? Or a chocolate bar?"

Harry's eyes lit up.  "Both!"

Dumbledore laughed.  Then he gave the child both sweets.  Harry eagerly began to eat the chocolate.

Minerva arrived a few moments later, and Dumbledore gave Harry to her.  She was surprised at first, until Albus showed her Severus, who was sitting slumped in the chair, his eyes fixed upon the floor.

"Oh, the poor dear! He looks worn to the bone." There were tears in her eyes. But she managed to say cheerily, "Harry, would you like to play with Mittens, my new kitten? I just got her yesterday, and I think she's lonely."

Harry smiled.  "Yes, Auntie Min! I loves kitties!" He took her hand and they went out the door and down the staircase to Minerva's quarters.

Albus then went over to where Severus was and placed a hand upon the younger man's shoulder. "Severus, please talk to me.  I want to help but I can't unless you tell me what's wrong."

Severus was quiet for a moment, then he said, miserably, "Everything.  Everything is wrong, Albus.  Nothing has been the same since Lily died. And now Vi and Hal . . .my life is in pieces and I don't know how to put it back together."

Dumbledore shook his head sadly.  "I know you may feel that way now, my boy, but you mustn't give up.  You must not lose hope."

Severus lifted his head and stared at the Headmaster, his eyes bleak and cold.  "Hope? What is that? Naught but a pretty illusion meant to trick the gullible.  Hope died that day.  I have nothing left. Nothing . . ."

"Oh, Severus!" Dumbledore looked at the depressed man and felt his heart breaking.  He summoned a flagon of fire whiskey and poured a small measure of it into a glass. "Here. You need this."

Severus stared at him.  "Are you mad, Albus? I don't drink. You know that!"

"This once, you need to." Albus urged. "Take it."

Severus looked at the glass of whiskey as if it were hemlock. He never touched alcohol, he knew all too well what Tobias's legacy led to. 

"Trust me, Sev. I would never hurt you."

Worn out and depressed, Severus took the glass after a moment and then gulped it down. He coughed sharply and Dumbledore patted him on the back.  The whiskey burned his throat, but he welcomed the pain. It echoed the one in his heart. 

"There. Now suppose you tell me why you feel you have no hope." Albus said, seating himself in the chair next to the younger wizard. 

"Because I don't," he replied dully, his eyes fixed upon the carpet beneath his feet. It was decorated with golden lions.  He told Albus about the incident at the cemetery and how helpless he had felt.  "I'm not supposed to be helpless, Albus. I'm his father, I should be able to make him feel better, but how can I when I feel so wretched myself?"

"You can't," Dumbledore said wisely. "Sev, you need to let yourself grieve.  Here is something I learned a long time ago-the longer you live the more you realize how little you actually know.  You don't have to have all the answers, Severus. No one does.  Not even me.  It's all right if you don't, no parent does.  The important thing is that you try and be there for Harry.  And take care of yourself, my boy. You look like you haven't slept a wink in several days."

Severus did not reply, for he could not remember the last time he had slept.

Dumbledore went on, sensing that his words were being listened to, even though Severus said nothing.  "You should have come to us sooner, you know." He chided gently. "Minerva and I would have gladly helped you bear this burden.  We're your friends, Severus.  Our door is always open for you."

"I . . .didn't want to intrude . . ."

"Intrude? Pish tosh, Severus Snape! You and Harry are family, and you could never intrude upon me.  Besides which, you know very well what I do to intruders."

Snape's mouth quirked into a half-smile. "The lemon drop curse."

Dumbledore smiled naughtily.  "Indeed.  Kill them with kindness and a handful of lemon drops.  Works every time." He leaned over and clasped the other's shoulder. "I know what you're going through, I have been there many times, my boy. But you must remember, that those you love are never gone so long as we remember them. You need to try and remember Lily and Vi and Hal as they were in life.  Remember what you shared with them and they will never be lost.  The last enemy to be destroyed is death," the old wizard quoted softly.  "And you destroy death by remembrance, my boy. So long as your heart remembers, death cannot destroy that person totally." He gestured to a shelf above his desk, where a row of gleaming vials containing a swirling silver substance stood.  "See those? Those are my memories of all I once loved that have gone from this world to the next.  And when I have need, I can take them out and examine them, and remember.  It helps.  You may borrow my Pensieve if you wish."

Severus gazed at the row after row of gleaming vials, every one filled with memories of those the old wizard had lost.  All those people . . ."How do you bear it? How?" he hissed, shivering.

"You learn to count your blessing here and now.  And to take comfort that they are watching over you.  And to not be afraid to ask a friend to lend a hand or a shoulder when you need it.  Sorrow is not endless, it comes to an end eventually.  Even the darkest night has stars, child. Take it one day at a time. That is the best advice I can give you."

Severus did not answer, for he was lost in memories, memories of sitting in Vi's kitchen, eating her lemon biscuits and drinking tea, memories of Hal sitting in the den giving him advice on how to be a good father, so many memories . . .They filled him to overflowing. It hurt, but it was a good pain, it cleansed and renewed.

He did not even know that he was crying until Albus drew him against his shoulder (somehow the opposing chair arms had vanished) and whispered, "There now, my child, let the tears come. I'm here."

Severus found himself weeping silently into the Headmaster's shoulder, silently because he had always been forbidden to cry as a child.  Sobs wracked his slender frame and more tears poured down his cheeks to soak into the velvet robe. He had not realized how many tears were within him until he allowed himself to release them, and now he could not seem to stop crying.

Albus held him for a long time, murmuring softly and patting the younger wizard, half-awed of the self-control Severus had to keep his emotions so tightly locked away.  My poor boy, you were conditioned to do that, but grief was meant to be shared. He continued holding the Healer until the other's shoulders quit quivering and the man's breathing had slowed. One hand came up to stroke the silky raven hair and he heard Severus whimper and then relax, his cheek resting against the damp velvet.

"Sleep, my boy. Sleep is the physician of pain," he urged.

"Knew that already . . ." Sev muttered before sleep stole him away.

Albus quickly Transfigured the chairs into a comfortable sofa and laid the Master Healer down on it with a pillow and a blanket.  He then slipped Severus's Mirror of Communication out of the pocket of his white robes and called Snape's office, telling his partner Matthew what had happened and that Severus was taking a much needed day off.

Just as he had put the mirror back in Snape's pocket, Minerva entered with Harry in tow. 

"Hi, Uncle Al! Auntie Min let me play with her kitty!" the youngster announced.

"That's wonderful, child," Albus said, beaming at the little moppet. "Do you like kitties then?"

"Yes, and doggies too an' maybe someday when Dad's not so busy, he'll get me one."

"I'm sure he will, Harry."

"Auntie Min says I can come n'stay here whenever I want ‘cause I tol' her I miss my Granny an' she said I was a poor bairn," Harry said, imitating the elder witch's accent so well it made them chuckle.

"You certainly can, Harry."

"What's a bairn?"

"'Tis Scots for a wee baby, lad," answered Minerva promptly.

"Oh." Harry thought about that. Then he frowned. "But I'm not a baby, Auntie! I'm a big boy! I wear pants ‘stead of nappies an' drink out of a cup and I can dress myself too!" Then he sighed. "'Cept for my shoes. Dad has to help with those. And buttons. Buttons are hard."

"Buttons are hard for me too, sometimes," Dumbledore admitted gravely, suppressing another laugh.

"I know.  Believe me." Harry answered, sounding so much like Severus that the two began to laugh. "Where's Daddy? At work?"

"No, Harry. He's right over there." Dumbledore pointed to where Severus lay sleeping.

Harry gasped.  "Is he sick?"

"No, child, merely tired."

"Oh." Harry didn't know what to make of it. Severus going to work was a constant, like the sun rising in the morning. He trotted over to peer at the slumbering Healer, his little forehead creasing.

"Now how did ye manage that, you old fox?" asked Minerva.

Albus shrugged.  "I have my ways. He needed to grieve and now he can sleep."

Minerva shook her head sadly. "'Tis a miracle right there, you getting' him to do that, Al. Given his upbringing . . .poor lad."

"He'll be all right. Time will heal him," Dumbledore said sagely.

Harry inched closer to his father and then bent and kissed him on the cheek. "Pleasant dreams, Dad." Then he looked over at the two wizards and said, "He does that to me when I'm sleepy sometimes. It makes me feel good."

"Aye, kisses will do that," Minerva said, smiling. "You're a good lad, Harry. Now how about a spot o' breakfast?"

"Okay. Daddy gave me toast, but I wasn't very hungry then," said Harry, giving one last look at his father before he walked back over to Minerva and Albus. 

"Why don't we go and have breakfast in the hall?" Albus suggested.

Harry's emerald eyes glowed. "With the big kids?" He loved eating in there, like a growed-up.

"Certainly." Albus took the small hand and began to walk towards the door.

"An' can I have pancakes and bacon? Or waffles with strawberries n'cream?" Harry asked, speaking very quickly as he did when he got excited. He looked back over his shoulder. "Should we wake Daddy?"

"No, little one. Let him sleep. We can bring him breakfast in bed later," Dumbledore told him, his blue eyes twinkling. He could just imagine Severus's expression.

They shut the office door quietly behind them, leaving Severus fast asleep, a spark of hope rekindled within him, dreaming peacefully of days gone by, working with Hal in his garden and having tea and cakes with Vi on the porch, while Lily sat on his lap and Harry made mud pies.

A split second can alter a life, as it had that Tuesday afternoon, and again upon this Monday morning, leaving Severus Snape and Harry James Severus Potter forever changed, marked by sorrow yet filled with hope and memories that would never die.