Severus paced. These students would be the death of him.

"What do you expect me to do Mr. Ingram?" He looked down his nose at Decklan, who was sitting in his visitor's chair looking hopeful after just informing him he wanted Harry back on his team.

"Put him back on sir."

"He has to be punished. There is a zero tolerance policy for violence at Hogwarts. You know that."

"But sir... you know why he did it."

Severus stopped his pacing again and narrowed his eyes at Decklan. Yes, he did know why. The whole school knew why now that Avery's parents had pulled him out of school. They had said it was because Avery had been shamed, but Severus knew Avery's parents and knew that they were ashamed both of what their son had done and what Harry had done to him. They couldn't stand any dishonor to be brought upon their family.

He sighed. "Just last week you were complaining and ranting about him, from that very chair. Now you sit there and ask for him back?"

Decklan stood up. "Sir, I want the kind of person on our team who will stand up for what he believes is right, even at his own expense. Did you see his face? Did you see how ashamed he was? I don't think he wanted to do that sir."

"And yet he did."

Decklan raised his brows. "He's a jerk, ok. I know that. The team knows that. But Ethan saw what happened too and he agrees. And besides, nobody's yet been able to smash me with a Bludger four times in one practice and then fly around with a serious concussion and keep hitting Bludgers accurately. I don't know why they had him as a Seeker when he's worth a first string Beater. He's got determination... look how he sat there in the snow just waiting all that time."

Rubbing his throbbing temple now, Severus glanced at Decklan's hopeful face again and then said, "He's suspended from the next three practices and he won't be playing in the match against Hogsmeade. You can be in charge of training Faith or Angel to fill in for him for the match."

Decklan grinned a crooked grin that perhaps suggested that Snape had gone soft. "Don't let me regret this decision," he warned.

With a small laugh on his way out Decklan said, "You already do sir, so it can only get better from here."

Severus snorted after Decklan had closed the door. There had been so many times in his life when he believed it could only get better, only to find that it could get so much worse. For Harry's sake he hoped that it would get better. He'd never seen him so broken as when he admitted in his office the day before that he hated himself. He hoped Harry wouldn't go any further down than that.

* * *

Harry pushed his potatoes and eggs around his plate with one hand, head in the other, not hungry at all. He glanced to his right to see Ron, Hermione, and Ginny amongst others looking at him from down the table and turned back to his own plate quickly. They weren't giving him dirty looks... it was more like worry mixed with curiosity. It was strange and he didn't like it.

While Harry wanted to rise and move off to find some quiet place, he knew the only place he was allowed between classes was the Great Hall at meal times, detention, and his dormitory. After being stuck in his dorm room for nearly two weeks now, he'd rather take the stares and sit at Gryffindor table, even if he wasn't going to eat anything. Detention was also a welcome reprieve from the dorm, but he was serving two detentions a day now, and he hated the looks he got from Snape as well. Clearly the man was disappointed, and didn't know what to do with him any more than Harry knew what to do with himself.

Giving up on his food completely, Harry dropped the fork and freed up his other hand to grip his hair and shield his face from anyone who might see. The entire school knew what he had done now, and it had only heightened the fear of him that the younger students and most of the girls seemed to have. He had probably scared Ginny even more as well, and the last thing he wanted was to force himself even further from her, if that was even possible.

"Mr. Potter, I require you for your last detention." Harry looked up at Professor Snape with a blank face as he let his hands fall back to the table, and then rose to follow the man from the sea of onlookers. His last detention. He deserved more, and he was sure the school would agree with him.

Down in the dungeons Harry was set to scrubbing corridor floors until nearly noon, and then was summoned into Snape's office.

"Have a seat Potter."

He did as he was told, and remained quiet, looking at the floor.

"It seems that there is someone on your side."

Curious, Harry looked up.

"Yes, you heard me right. You have been reinstated as part of the second string team."

"Why?"

"The team Captain... convinced me that you are both needed and wanted."

Frowning deeply, Harry wondered if perhaps the Captaincy had changed since he'd been kicked off the team, but then remembered that none of the other players liked him either.

"Are you sure sir?" He was definitely confused.

"Quite. While the team has seen determination and endurance from you, Decklan clearly believes the team is in need of players who stand up for what they believe to be right, although," here he paused and gave Harry a pointed look, "standing up for what you believe is right is to be done in a dignified way from this point forward Mr. Potter, do I make myself clear? There will be no second chances if there is ever a repeat of what happened between you and Mr. Avery again."

"Yes sir." So it had come back around to that again. Harry looked away, and Severus could see clearly what Decklan had seen and what he himself had seen two weeks before: shame.

Giving Harry a moment to himself, Severus finally said, "The game against Hogsmeade was yesterday. We lost. For the rest of the year we will be practicing on Saturday and Sunday. What I told you before still stands. If you receive more than one detention a week you will miss practice that week and will not play in any games in the near future."

"Yes sir."

Severus sighed. "Good. Get your things and meet us in the wooded pitch. Practice is in thirty minutes."

Harry rose and made for the door, but before he could get out of it, Professor Snape cleared his throat and said, "Oh, and Potter." Harry turned. "I suggest you work on defending the team's Seeker rather than beat him up one Bludger at a time, seeing as how he fought to keep you on the team. It would be a shame to build one of the only bridges you have left."

Nodding, Harry left the office, deep in thought. Really the only bridge that he considered having was the one he had with Snape and it was crumbly at best. He doubted Snape even knew it was there at all. As for the bridge with Decklan, he was sure the Seeker had other motives, possibly to embarrass or get back at him in some way. That was how the world seemed to work when Harry was involved in any case.

Half an hour later Harry made his way down through three feet of snow and into the woods where the second stringers waited for him. If Harry had been feeling undone in the last two weeks about what he'd done, it was nothing to how he felt throughout the practice (in fact only his second practice with the team).

Nobody on the team smiled at him, but they weren't frowning or avoiding him either. It was a strange feeing and reminded him of the way he felt when his former friends sat and looked at him at meal times each day, or in classes.

The practice went easily with himself and Nathan passing Bludgers back and forth between their bats, and Harry saving Decklan from being smashed in the face by one at the last second as a thank you for what he'd done. Decklan even said thanks as he zipped off in search of the Snitch again. Harry didn't like it. He wasn't sure he wanted to be so easily accepted onto the team.

After practice Harry lingered in the quiet woods, snow gently drifting down through the trees and into his hair, adding to the snow that already lay cold and soft on the ground. He was lonely without his friends. It had in fact been a very lonely year, Christmas especially. But there was a reason that he didn't have friends anymore. Many, many reasons. He liked to think sometimes that he hadn't chased them off intentionally, that he had just been taking control of his own life in his own way and they didn't like the new him. But if he were going to be completely honest with himself, which he was at times like these, he had distanced himself because he could no longer stand to be hurt and abandoned, and having new friends just meant he had new people to be hurt by. No, that wasn't something he wanted at all.

And so it was that over the next few weeks, and into March, Severus watched Harry withdraw from the team mates that seemed determined to draw him into their ranks and strike up tentative friendships with him. Harry wore a solemn face most of the time, and whilst he continued to get into trouble, there was not the heart or tenacity that he once had whilst doing things to earn his detentions. Severus was perplexed, and was not the only one as he soon found out, when the Headmaster summoned him to his office one Sunday evening.