Harry was walking through the corridors of Hogwarts,it was 4 hours passed curfew but he couldn’t bring himself to care. This year was going to be the hardest he’d ever had especially since he was all alone in the world. This wasn’t like the time he lost Cedric in his 4th year this was worse. He lost his last remaining family member, his godfather Sirius to a stupid mistake of his. He wanted to blame Snape, or Dumbledore, anyone but himself but he knew the blame lied solely with him and no one else.  He had no one, the Durselys didn’t count, they hated him and he had no love for them either. If only he had just put more effort into learning Occulmency then he would have his Godfather and he wouldn’t be suffering from all this grief.

Because of him Remus lost the last of his best friends, how would he ever be able to look him in the eye again? He knew where he was going, he was heading straight for the Astronomy Tower what he did when he got up there he didn’t know. After finding out why Voldermort wanted to kill him, his will to live diminished. He didn’t want to be a murderer; Albus Dumbledore was supposed to be the greatest wizard of all times so why can’t he destroy Tom? He lightly traced the scars on his arms, wanting at that moment some kind of release from his pent up emotions. He hated who he was and what he represented, everyone expected him a boy who was barely 16 to save them all. Who cares about the war, all of his family is already dead. He wished more than anything that he could join them, but as a true Gryffindor he couldn’t leave his friends like that…or could he?

He looked up and in the distance he could see someone walking towards him, but he could care less. So what if it was a teacher, were they going to take points, give him detention? None of that mattered anymore since he heard the Prophecy. Just his luck it was Snape and as usual the man was sneering at him. Wonder how long it would take the man to differentiate between Harry and James Potter. They were two very different people, not to mention one of them was no longer in the land living.

“What are you doing out so late Potter? It is passed Curfew that will be 50 points from Gryffindor and 1 week of detention with Filch.”      

      Harry said nothing, what was he supposed to say, he knew from experience it was better not to show a reaction. Because if you did it would just be worse and you would end up losing a lot more points and gaining a lot more detentions. Right now he was just so tired, of this life… of everything. He was so full of grief he felt like he was going to drown in it; he just wanted this pain to go away.

“Well don’t you have something to say for yourself Potter?”

“No sir,” Harry answered tiredly.

“I highly doubt that Potter, you always have something to protest so let’s hear it.”

“I’m sorry sir for everything,” Harry softly spoke dejectedly.

His apology threw Snape for a loop, he knew the man wasn’t expecting him to apologize for anything, and to see the shock in the man’s usual blank face was rare. He could actually see the wheels turning in the man’s head as he tried to figure out the motive of the apology, but there wasn’t one Harry had meant what he said.

“What are you going on about Potter? Are you ill or something?” Snape asked clearly uncomfortable with the way the conversation had turned.

“No sir I’m fine,” Harry replied taking his hand and raising it to his face and sighing. He didn’t know that Snape had caught sight of the self-inflicted scarring on his arms and he didn’t really care.

“Why are you out this late after curfew? You still think you are above the rules?

”“No sir, I just wanted to have a walk.”

“A walk at 2:00 in the morning, what were you hoping to accomplish?”

“Nothing sir, I just needed to clear my head.”Harry answered shaking his head.

“Potter what is that on your arm?” Snape asked quietly.

“What sir?”

“The scars all over your arm, what are they from?” Snape asked getting annoyed.

“It’s nothing sir,” Harry said hoping desperately for once that Snape would prod him until he told him the truth.  Everyone knew that Harry was a horrible liar, and since Snape was a spy he would catch on right? He wanted to tell him everything and let someone else help him carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. But for once Snape let him be, in the moment where Harry was tottering between life and death.

“Alright Potter, get back to your dormitory. I have my rounds to finish.” Snape replied before walking away from him and turning the corridor.          

  Harry shook his head frantically as the tears filled his eyes; he really was all alone in this wasn’t he?  He wanted to call the man back and tell him he lied, that everything wasn’t fine, but he didn’t. After all he was used to handling everything by himself the Durselys made sure of that. If the spy for the Order couldn’t pick up on his inner struggle, what was the point of trying? What was he going to do now? What was the point of living life if no one actually noticed if you were ok or not? Straightening his shoulders he continued his trek to the Astronomy Tower hoping that by the time he got there he would have his answer. The time when Harry needed him the most, Snape was blissfully unaware and he would come to regret that he hadn’t paid more attention to Harry many years later.