Chapter 20 - In his mind

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As soon as the tip of Severus' wand touched Harry's, silvery smoke began to rise from it. At first it was just a shapeless cloud, but after a few moments, it formed into something akin to - "A body?!" Severus gasped. What was the meaning of this? There was no way Harry could have killed someone, he was a child! A completely untrained child that couldn't perform the simplest first-year spells, let alone the killing-curse! But then - hadn't Harry bought his wand from Ollivander's? The wand-maker only sold new wands, it wasn't possible that someone else had used this very wand to kill a person - a child, when the small statue of the silvery body was any indication - wait, a child?
The Potion Master looked at the form more closely. Yes, it had the form of a body, but something wasn't right... Then it struck him. It was an armour! An armour designed to fit a child! More precisely, the very child that was currently standing in front of Severus' desk, gaping at the shimmering, swirling form.

"Potter!" Severus barked, "what is the meaning of this? I thought you couldn't do magic!"

Harry snapped out of his daze. "I don't know, Professor, I haven't done anything, I promise..."

Looking sharply at the boy, Severus couldn't detect any sign that Harry was lying. He really seemed to believe that he had nothing to do with the protection-spell that had clearly been cast with his wand. Now that he had recognized the form as an armour, the potion-master thought he knew what kind of spell it had been. But it wasn't possible. These kinds of protection-spells weren't taught until at least sixth year! It seemed to be a mixture between an ordinary shield charm and an altered version of it, intended to protect a wizard's mind from dark curses and attempts of Legilimency. Only that in Harry's case, it seemed to be extended in order to provide protection for the whole body.
But how? And what's more, why weren't there any traces - however weak - of the levitating-charm he had ordered the boy to cast earlier? Normally, even failed spells left their mark on a wand, at least if a tiny amount of magic had been involved.

"Harry, have you ever left your wand unobserved since your arrival at Hogwarts?"

"Uhm, I don't think so, Professor... I kind of like it, you know. It helps against the demon, it's even better than my medicine!"

Severus mind was reeling, but he did his best not to let it show on his face. After everything he had learnt about the boy so far, he felt that it would be the best course of action to take everything the child said seriously, no matter how far-fetched it seemed to be. "And - have you done anything specific with your wand when you used it to aid you against this demon?"

"Uhm, no... it just has to touch my skin. I noticed it when the giant man - Hagrid - took me to that strange place where I had to touch loads and loads of them! No one worked, though, except for this one... I can keep it, can I?" Harry looked at his professor, wide-eyed.

"Of course you can keep it, it's yours, after all!" Severus snapped. So Harry had managed to cast a complicated protection-spell without even being aware of what he was doing? But if the boy was this powerful, how was it possible that he failed to perform a simple levitating-charm? "When you touch your wand, it helps you to keep the 'demon' at bay, yes?"

"Yes."

"OK... this is... it is unusual." Severus hesitated. How much should he tell the child? He didn't want to frighten Harry, but at the same time, he wanted to ensure that the boy trusted him enough to let the Potion Master examine his mind more thoroughly. "Now, from what I have seen, it's clear that you have magic, Mr Potter. This shadowy figure that rose from your wand was some kind of... well, echo from a spell you must have cast earlier. I -"

Harry knew it was rude to interrupt an adult, but he couldn't help it. "I didn't do anything, Professor, I can't do any magic! This thing - someone else must have taken my wand and done magic with it!"

"I highly doubt this, Mr Potter. Taking another wizard's wand and performing magic with it is considered a very serious offence, nobody would do this just for fun! Additionally, you have already told me that you haven't left your wand unobserved since the start of term."

"But - but I can't do magic!" Harry was frustrated. Nobody seemed to understand him, nobody believed him, not even the Potion Professor!

"Yes, you can - don't interrupt me, Potter, I know that you haven't been able to cast the spells the other teachers expected you to do, but the result of the spell I cast on your wand proves that you are at least able to do magic, although not in the way it is done normally. Now, do I have your permission to continue casting the Priori Incantatum spell on your wand? It will show me which other spells you might have used without being aware of it, and it could help me to determine why you are unable to cast normal first-year spells."
Amongst other things, Severus silently added. While he was well aware that, for Harry, the 'demon' wasn't such a pressing matter - the boy had dealt with it for most of his life, after all - Severus could feel that it was of utmost importance to determine its nature and, if required, eliminate it as soon as possible. And since Harry seemed to have used the protection-spell to shield himself from the 'demon', it was very likely that any other spells he might have cast unconsciously had something to do with the demon as well.

"Uhm, yes, all right..." The boy answered. Harry wasn't sure why the Professor was so keen on proving him wrong, but if it would help him to do magic just like Ron and the others did...

However, during the next minutes, it became clear that the protection-spell was the only one Harry - or at least some part of his mind - had cast successfully. Oh, there were traces of other spells, but Severus was unable to determine the exact nature of those. From what he saw, though, he got the impression that Harry - or his wand - had been involved in some sort of battle. Some of the echoes Severus got were detailed enough to classify them as other protection-spells, but others had apparently botched completely.

What bothered Severus the most, though, were the remains of a spell that reeked of dark magic. He wasn't sure which one exactly it was, the echo was too weak, but if he wasn't very much mistaken, the last time he had seen it had been during one of those occasions the Dark Lord had experimented with mind magic. He really had to consult some of his older books again.

Who had thought that it would be because of the very boy who had vanished the vilest wizard in recent history that the Potion Master would need to delve into the Dark Arts once more?

###

About half an hour later, Severus sent Harry back to his common-room. The boy was disappointed that the Potion-Master wouldn't let him practice any more, and that he had even forbidden him to continue practising on his own, but he had promised Harry that he could come back on Sunday afternoon and that they would continue their training then.

Severus had refrained from performing Legilimency on the boy - McGonagall would kill him if he was forced to send Harry to the hospital-wing once again - in favour of asking all kind of questions that might be of importance. He had learnt that, apparently, Harry hadn't had any bouts of accidental magic throughout his life (or at least as long as the boy could remember) and that his Aunt, Petunia, hadn't told him about the Magical World until his Hogwarts-letter arrived. He was worried about Harry's lack of education - apparently, those doctors had prevented him from going to school for years - and resolved on testing Harry's reading- and writing-skills as well as his knowledge of basic maths and science as soon as he had solved the more pressing problems.

Severus had tried to get Harry to talk about the time he had spent in hospital, but it had quickly become clear that the boy didn't like to talk about it and that any pressure was likely to cause another one of those panic-attacks.
When interrogated about the demon, Harry hadn't been very forthcoming with information either, and Severus was left with the few bits of information he had gotten during his involuntary trip in the boy's mind and the hints Harry had dropped so far.

The Potion Master spent most of the weekend in his bedroom (which was warded with extra security-charms and secrecy-spells, so that Albus - or anyone else - would be unable to find out which books exactly Severus still had in his possession). He had given Minerva a hint that she should prevent Albus from bothering him, and fortunately it wasn't unusual for the him to disappear for an entire day or two, so it was unlikely that the old coot would interfere.

It wasn't easy to find useful information, though. First of all, it had been a while since Severus had last read all those books, and he had forgotten how graphic some of the descriptions of the nastier hexes were. It wasn't fun to read about the most painful methods humans could be killed, about the innumerable means to control and destroy a person's mind or about rituals that lead to power, magical strength or as close to immortality as you could come, even if it was for the price of other people's life, and Severus had to interrupt his reading more than once to clear his mind from all the vile and disgusting images.

Then, it was the sheer amount of information that made it difficult to distinguish between relevant and irrelevant things. Especially since he didn't really know what he was looking for. Sure, there was the dark - well, what? Being? Force? - well, the dark presence he had sensed in Harry's mind, and then he had the remains of dark magic he had discovered while examining the boy's wand to work with. He was positive that both of these things had something to do with mind- or soul-magic, but still, he couldn't be sure.
And it wasn't as if he could just scan the index for the symptoms Harry displayed either.

It was only Sunday morning that he found a reference to something that might be useful. The splitting of a soul - which wasn't dark magic per se, but apparently was often used by dark wizards - could create a fragment similar to that one he had seen in Harry's mind.

But how on earth should a child be able to split his soul? And how was it possible that the splinter was this powerful?

But then... the boy had survived the killing-curse, and nobody seemed to have a clue why and how. Well, Severus was almost sure that Albus knew more than he let on, but once the headmaster had decided to keep something secret, it was all but impossible to make him reveal the truth.

Was it possible that the failed Avada Kedavra hat caused a tear in Harry's soul? And that the dark nature of the curse had somehow charged this fragment of the boy's mind with power beyond measures? Severus wasn't a scientist for nothing, and even so potion-making differed a great deal from muggle physics or chemistry, he did have a basic knowledge in those subjects, and therefore was well aware of the fact that energy couldn't just vanish into nothingness.
And somehow, a little cut on the forehead seemed to be too little to account for the amount of energy that must have been involved in the events of That Night.

If he was right and the ominous being in Harry's head was a powerful - and perhaps evil - fragment of the boy's soul, separated from its origin all those years ago, it would certainly explain the protection-spell Harry had (unconsciously) cast. After all, the soul of the boy must have somehow protected itself against such a questionable being.
Yes, it made sense... and the traces of all the other spells, including the dark one, that he had found on Harry's wand could easily be explained by the competition these two soul-fragments must have fought out for all those years.

However, it didn't explain Harry's inability to do magic. Surely it wasn't possible that only the part of the soul that had been severed off had magic? No, wait, it wasn't possible! If there wasn't any magic left in the- well, what was it? The original soul? The remains of his mind? Well, if there wasn't any magic left in the part of Harry's mind that seemed to be undamaged, he could never have cast the protection-spell! Perhaps it was something completely different?
And of course, it was also possible that he was wrong entirely, that Harry's mind wasn't splintered at all. Severus sighed. He would need to examine Harry's mind more thoroughly this afternoon, and he could only hope to find more hints.

###

Although Harry had been looking forward to meeting the Potion Master again all weekend, he seriously considered to ask Ron or Neville (well, more likely Ron, since Neville was unlikely to be able to speak coherently in the presence of Professor Snape) to tell the man that he wouldn't come.

He felt dreadful.

During the last nights, he had been unable to sleep more than three or four hours, and he seemed to have caught the flu, too, since he couldn't keep down anything he ate and felt alternately hot and cold. Ron had offered to accompany him to the hospital-wing, but Harry had refused to ever enter that place again. Dean and Seamus had threatened to tell their head of house that Harry was ill, but fortunately Ron had convinced them not to do so by pointing out that he would tell his twin-brothers that they had volunteered to be their guinea pigs for the more inventive pranks.

Harry had to promise Ron to stay in bed (well, under his bed), and while at any other time, he would gladly have done so, today he just couldn't lie still. The twitching of his legs was worse than ever and he felt an irresistible urge to move. Therefore, Harry spent most of his time travelling between his bed and the small bathroom adjoining the boy's dormitory, and while he needed to use the loo much more frequently than normal anyway, Harry became increasingly desperate during Sunday morning. He was so tired! He wanted to rest, just to be able to lie down for more than a few minutes, he wanted his stupid legs to stop twitching so that he could get some sleep! But it was impossible to go to sleep with that constant need to move.

Therefore, Harry dismissed the idea of sending Ron to excuse him from his appointment with Snape and dragged himself down to the dungeons. He hadn't anticipated how weak he felt, though, and he was ten minutes late when he finally arrived at the Potion Master's door.

"Potter, you're late!" The man snapped at Harry as soon as he had opened the door with a flick of his wand. He only looked up from the essay he was currently drowning in red ink when, instead of feeble excuses, all he heard was heavy panting.

"' sorry, Professor - ' just, I don't feel so good..."

"Potter! What's the matter with you? If you are ill, you need to see Madame Pomfrey - oh-" Severus interrupted himself. As if the boy would go to Poppy voluntarily after what happened last time he had seen the medi-witch. "Mr Potter, I understand your reluctance to ask Madame Pomfrey for help, but you seem quite unwell and... well, would you allow me to perform a basic diagnostic-charm on you? If you have caught the flu, it should suffice... and sit down, you stupid boy!"

"You do the spell! I don't go to that woman, no! And I'm all right, just tired!"

"Well, we'll see..." And Severus raised his wand and performed the diagnostic spell that would show him whether Harry had the flu or a cold or something similar minor that could be cured with a simple potion. However, the spell didn't produce any results. Severus frowned. He had been sure that the boy had at least a cold! "You say you're just tired?" He regarded him with an unreadable expression. Truth to be told, Harry looked dreadful.

"Yes. Can't sleep. Don't know why. Well, I have been sick... a few times... but it's nothing. I just want to go to sleep but my stupid legs just won't stop twitching and I feel as if I have to run and move all the time and I just can't lie still..." Perhaps the Professor could help? He was a potion-master, after all... perhaps he could give Harry a potion that would make his body stop feeling so weird?

"Hm... for now, I want you to take this potion-" and he handed Harry a vile of a clear, red liquid. "It's a Pepper-Up Potion, the same one you took after that... incident after class. I-" Severus, so used to have to explain the reasons for forcing a student to take one of his potions (and assuring them that, despite its taste, it wasn't poisonous), broke of when he realized - again - that Harry didn't seem to be interested in what he was taking or why, but just obeyed and swallowed the liquid.

"Ugh-" Harry exclaimed. It really didn't taste very good. Hadn't wizards any pills instead of these disgusting liquids? "Oh..." Harry marvelled. This stuff worked fast! "Thank you, Professor!" And he smiled uncertainly at the man.

"Are you well enough to continue with our... well, with figuring out why you are unable to perform magic the normal way?"

"Yes, sure!" The stuff the Professor had given him made Harry almost giddy.

"All right. First, I would like to now whether the... ehm, the 'demon' as you keep calling it has somehow bothered you during the last two days."

"Uhm..." Harry hesitated. How much to tell the Professor? He didn't want to lie to the man, but at the same time, he didn't want to make the Professor think that he had to send Harry back to hospital either. "It's.. well, it's a little bit worse than usual... but perhaps it's only because I cannot sleep very well... it's not as bad as it used to be before I started taking my meds, honestly!"

"Hm... but it is worse than it was a week or so ago?" Perhaps the medicine Harry had taken until not even a week ago had indeed helped the boy? But how was it possible that something as dangerous and even toxic as Halolperidol could actually help someone?

"Uhm, kind of..."

"All right." He would need to consult with Poppy whether it would be safe to start giving Harry his real pills again, instead of the forged ones. It couldn't be good if that demon-thing became stronger. And he really needed to visit the doctor that had prescribed all those medicine! They just couldn't go on like this, guessing and trying to find out how to deal with Harry by trial and error! Tomorrow, Severus promised himself. Tomorrow he would go to Surrey, interrogating Harry's family and the people that worked in the hospital the boy had stayed at.

"Uhm, are we practising magic again, now?" Harry timidly asked when the Professor gave no sign of asking any further questions.

"No." Severus snapped out of his thoughts. "I need to perform Legilimency on you again - if you give me permission to do so, that is - entering your mind, like I did last Thursday." He elaborated after receiving a blank look from Harry. "I'll make sure it won't hurt you, though, last time, it was kind of an... accident."

"Uhm, but why? I thought you'd help me doing magic..." Harry said. Sure, he wanted the Professor to help him with the demon, but as far as Harry was concerned, finally being able to do magic was the more pressing matter.

"Yes, but in order to do so, I need to find out what exactly is causing your problems! And since it is quite possible that it is something inside your mind that is responsible for your lack of magical abilities, I need to examine it more thoroughly. I need your consent do so, though."

"But last time-"

"It was an accident, Potter! This means I didn't enter your mind intentionally!"

"But it hurt... I don't want it to hurt!"

"If it is done carefully, Legilimency doesn't hurt. You mustn't resist me, though."

"Uhm, OK..."

"Good. Now, you just need to look into my eyes - yes, right. And put your wand on the desk, it'll be safer... all right, this will be over quickly. Legilimens!" And once again, the Potion Master found himself inside Harry's mind. Only that this time something seemed to be different. He looked around, warily. Severus hadn't forgotten that... shadow... he had encountered last time.
He could sense Harry's memories that tried to invade his own mind, but unlike the other time, he was prepared and his Occlumency-shields were in place, keeping them outside his consciousness. But this wasn't what he meant. No, something else had changed...

Then it struck him. The mud! It was still there, yes, but there seemed to be less of it than there had been only a few days prior, and it also was less... sticky. Last time, the mud had prevented him from moving freely, hell, even from thinking clearly! With dread he thought back to the terrible feeling of being completely out of control of his own mind he had had last time. The mud had somehow paralysed Harry's whole consciousness... everything that was in the boy's mind at all, including Severus' own thoughts.

Sure, it wasn't exactly easy to move now, too, but the whole atmosphere seemed to be less... stunted. He could still think reasonably well, and he didn't feel like he would go mad any second. It was a miracle. But what had caused this? Clearly, he hadn't imagined those mud, as it was still there. Could the sudden invasion have caused the change? But no, you couldn't affect a foreign mind just by entering it... and he hadn't done anything else last time. But what had changed? Albus couldn't have gotten hold of the boy, someone - at least Minerva - would have noticed. Neither could another student have done something to the boy, he knew for sure that only two Slytherins and three Ravenclaws had mastered Legilimency, and he kept track of all of them.
No, it couldn't be mind magic that had meddled with Harry's head... and if Poppy had administered a potion or spell she would have better asked Severus! But inwardly Severus knew that the medi-witch would have never done such a thing. Not after what they had discussed.

Suddenly, the Potion Master whirled around. He had felt... yes, there it was! The shadow, the demon! Severus could feel the pulling, sucking sensation that radiated from the dark mass, he could feel the force trying to invade his mind, could sense it scratching on his shields... With all his might, Severus forced the thing away. He didn't know how long he would be able to hold it at bay, but he was determined to get as much information about it as possible (without destroying Harry's mind, that was).

Raising his wand, the Potion Master cast a weak Legilimens at the creature.

It didn't seem to affect the thing at all, though, it just kept advancing on him. Another two attempts - a bit more forcefully than the first one, but he needed to be careful if he wanted to keep his promise not to hurt Harry - didn't show any results either, and Severus started to worry.

The demon got uncomfortably close, and he didn't want to think about what the thing could possibly do to him once it had reached him. "Protego!" He yelled, a swirling mass erupting from his wand.
To the Potion Master's horror, though, the shadow's progress wasn't slowed down in the least. If anything, the spell seemed to increase its speed and the force with which it was reaching out to Severus.
Distantly, he heard the low moaning of a child. Harry! But what could he do - he needed to understand what was going on here! Gathering his strength, he cast a few more complex protection-spells.

The result was instantaneous.

Somehow, the thing seemed to feed on the magic released with the spells, and belatedly, Severus realized that it had been a very bad idea to provide it with the amount of energy that was activated by the advanced protection-spells he had just cast. Faster and faster the shadow moved towards him - if you could call it movement, that was. It was more like smoke - thick, vile, poisonous smoke that spread through Harry's mind, that engulfed everything else, every thought, every memory, the boy's whole consciousness.

He needed to go. Merlin knew what effects the spreading of the thing might have on Harry, he needed to make sure the boy was safe! Well, he wasn't very keen on being attacked by this strange force either, although it might provide him with some much needed information... but he had promised not to hurt Harry, and he couldn't afford to loose the boy's trust. Not now.

Severus turned around, relief flooding through his veins when he saw the bright light that marked the spot where he had entered Harry's mind only a few feet away from him.

Suddenly, just when he had turned around, the demon's pull on his own shields intensified. Before Severus could do anything, several things happened in quick succession.

Something that felt like a gust of wind blew him over, and he could sense someone else' presence surrounding him - obviously, the demon (as Harry called) it had reached him, though Severus didn't understand how it could actually surround him - and then his left forearm started to burn horribly. Before he had time to comprehend what had just happened, though, something like an earthquake shook Harry's mind, and then he heard a terrifying scream - no, two different screams! One was clearly Harry, but the other one? He needed to go out of the boy's mind now, who knew what might have just happened, he couldn't leave the Boy-Who-Lived unprotected!
Using his last ounce of strength (again. Why did it have to be Potter of all people that's mind caused Severus to feel like he had been beaten up each time he travelled into it!?), he reached for the light and a second later he was back in his classroom, trembling, but standing.

All right. Now - "POTTER!" Severus grabbed the boy just in time to prevent him from hurling his small form against the stone wall. "WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU YOU WRETCHED BOY!?"

Panting, Severus pressed Harry against his own body. Where did this strength come from? No eleven-year old - least of all someone as small as Harry - should pose a challenge for the Potion Master. "STOP THIS AT ONCE!" But all his shouting was in vain and the boy just continued fighting, trying to reach the wall.

When he was reasonably sure that he had a good grip on Harry, Severus lifted the boy from the ground and carried him in the middle of the room, as far away from the walls as possible. After a few long moments, the fighting began to cease, however, now Harry started to scream. The Potion Master couldn't make out actual words, though, and he just continued holding the boy, trying to calm him down by talking to him in what he hoped was a soothing voice, waiting for him to stop.

###

When Harry became aware of bodies surrounding him, hands holding him, he started to scream. He didn't know how or why it had happened, but it was clear that they were just about to tie him up again!

The last thing he remembered was the strange feeling when his Professor had cast the spell on him in order to look into his mind and find out what was wrong with him. Then, suddenly, the demon had become alive and tried to smash Harry against a nearby wall. But apparently, it hadn't succeeded as Harry wasn't injured - well, at least he didn't feel any pain - so they must have been quicker than it.

But something was different. Through all his desperation, Harry noticed that the adults that had caught him hadn't put him on a bed, neither were there any restraints... they seemed just to hold him...

"Potter? Harry? Are you better?" The Potion Master asked when he noticed that the screaming seemed to abate. However, as soon as he had raised his voice, the boy in his arms became stiff. Well, perhaps he was frightened because Severus was practically hugging him? "Potter! If you promise me not to try to kill yourself again, I might release you."

When he still didn't receive any reply, he tried to look into the boy's face. Green eyes stared in black ones. "Potter - Harry! Are you - I mean, can you promise me not to hurt yourself if I stop holding you?"

Harry nodded. Well, at least he seemed to be aware of his surroundings, Severus thought. "A verbal answer, if you please, Mr Potter."

"Y-hachmph-hcchch- yeh-es - yes" Harry coughed. Well, no wonder after screaming himself raw.

"All right..." Slowly, the Potion Master let go of the boy, ready to snatch him back should he made any attempt to head to the wall again - or doing anything else that could be harmful.

However, Harry just stood there and continued gawking at Severus.

"Well, what's the matter, Mr Potter?"

"You..."

"Yes?"

"You... I thought... do I have to go back to hospital now?"

"Why should you- ah, yes... I mean, no, Mr Potter, you won't ever go back to that hospital, and you don't seem to be injured, so I don't think it's necessary for Madame Pomfrey to have a look at you either."

"You... you didn't tie me up."

"Of course not!" Severus answered indignantly. "I'm well able to prevent you from hurting yourself without resorting to such barbaric means!"

"But... uhm, I'm sorry..."

"For what exactly, Mr Potter?"

"Well, for letting the demon almost get me... I know I have to be more careful, but... uhm, you did enter my head, didn't you?"

"Your mind, Potter! But yes, I did. However, I was forced to end the connection quite suddenly, that... well, that demon seemed to have sensed my presence and I didn't consider it safe to stay. I'm sorry if my intrusion has somehow... stimulated that thing."

"Oh, it has been trying to get me for days, Professor, it wasn't you fault..."

The two of them became silent. After a while, Severus beckoned Harry to sit down, and the Potion Master settled on his own chair, still deeply in thoughts. "Do you remember what happened after I cast the Legilimens on you?"

"Uhm, no, Sir... only that you did the spell, and then the demon almost got me and then you were holding me..."

"Hmmm..." Severus didn't know what to do. He was reluctant to let the boy go - who knew what he might do to himself if he wasn't monitored - but at the same time, he was desperate to go back to his quarters. Now that the rush of adrenalin had subsided, cold fear started to sweep over him.

His left forearm. Burning.