Chapter 4 - Killing him or killing himself?

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Harry was 9 when the thing - the wrong mind, like he used to call it - launched an attack that almost killed him.

Harry had thrown a tantrum, well, he had yelled and shouted, anyway, and from Petunia's point of few, such behaviour was unacceptable. At least for a freak. Therefore, the boy was confined to his cupboard, and neither Petunia nor Vernon would be able to tell what exactly had happened. And Harry never remembered much about the incident, only that the voice in his head suddenly started to scream, stopped him from breathing properly and then all he felt was pain.

The scream that alerted Petunia and Vernon that something was wrong was nothing like they had ever heard, although Harry's screams when he was acting mad had always been frightening. At first, they thought there son was playing one of his more violent computer games. But then words could be heard amongst the screams and they were QUITE certain they had never bought Dudley a game that...

"KILL... TEARING TO PIECES...FINALLY STRONG ENOUGH... DISMEMBER... CARVING INTO FLESH... NO ONE WHO TRIES TO STOP ME WILL LIVE... POWER, GAIN POWER AND KILL MUGGLES... NO ONE IS MORE POWERFUL THAN ME... I AM COMING BACK... NOW..."

When they reached the cupboard (where else could it come from than from the freak?) the words had stopped and all that could be heard was a high-pitched scream, some snippets of... laughter? ... and a noise as if the someone - Harry - was trying to bring the house down.

Throwing the door of the cupboard open, the two adults stopped dead. They would never forget the sight of the boy - was it the boy, the freak, at all? - running headlong into one of the bricks that jutted out from the wall of the other side of the cupboard.

Only that the part of the brick that had jutted out was no longer there. It was found later, when the boy was... away, and the police would investigate the scene in order to assure that there had indeed been only Harry and no one besides him in the cupboard, on the floor, covered in blood an parts of the boys scalp, including some messy black hairs.

Petunia tried to grasp the boy by his shoulder but failed. It was as if the boy was possessed by an unnatural, inhuman power. Vernon also wasn't able to hold the boy for more than a second, but somehow that seemed to have weakened the boy - or whatever being was currently using the boys body - and the second time Vernon reached for the boy he managed to pull him out of the cupboard.

Petunia, meanwhile, was calling and ambulance and therefore didn't see the trace of red in Harry's eyes when Vernon lowered him onto the ground.

"What are we going to do Petunia?" Vernon shouted, frightened. HE had seen the strange red glow in the eyes of his nephew.

"Just hold him down, we have to keep him still until the paramedics arrive!"

"But... I won't touch that freak!"

"We can't let him do any more damage than he has already done!" Petunia screamed, kneeling down in order to pin her nephew down herself. Though it seemed that he wasn't aware what was happening, the boy still screamed and tried to fight his aunt of. A kick hit aunt Petunia in the face and she lost the grip on her nephew, who tried to throw himself against the wall on the other side of the room. Vernon, though, had seen that the freak had hurt his wife and decided that this devilish child mustn't get any further opportunity to hurt HIS FAMILY. He hurled himself in the direction of the boy and managed to grasp the freak's body, pressing him onto the floor once again.

Lying there, both adults had a good look at the boy for the first time after they had managed to pull him out of the cupboard.

Harry's eyes were half-closed, back to their normal green. Blood was all over his face, his head was torn open in several places and Petunia thought she saw splinters of bone on the top of his head.

###

Fortunately, the ambulance arrived in no time, and after one look at the boy the paramedics set to work. Well, one of them started to examine the boy while the other two hold him down because he wouldn't quit fighting, although he had started to loose energy and the fighting became less fierce.

"OK, he's breathing properly, but his heart-rate is much to fast, we need to calm the boy down NOW"

"He doesn't seem to be aware of what is going on though... Harry? ... HARRY!?"

"OK hold him still, I'm going to inject him a sedative. Than we have to bring him to the hospital as quickly as possible."

"His head is hurt very bad... should we do anything about it?"

"Just put some gauze on it. And Ben, can you place the cannula for the infusion?"

"Already done, but we really have to hurry, the bleeding from this head wound is pretty sever!"

"OK all right... Mr and Mrs Dursley, we have to bring Harry to hospital now, one of you can accompany us in the ambulance. We need to be quick though."

"What's the matter with him? What has he done to himself?"

"His head is hurt severely, he'll need surgical treatment and then the doctors will have to decide what's going to happen."

"But..."

"I'm coming!" Petunia resolutely said, "Vernon just stay here and look after Dudley, I'll phone you once the doctors have told me what is going on!"

"But Petunia..."

"Vernon!" Petunia gave her husband a glare. This wasn't the time to argue about the freak! They would deal later with this new level of madness.

"OK please come, we need to go!" The paramedics had laid Harry on a stretcher, put straps around his small form since the struggling hadn't stopped entirely, and were about to carry him to the ambulance. Petunia took her handbag, gave Vernon a last warning glare and followed them outside.

Inside the ambulance, while one of the paramedics drove in an alarming speed towards the hospital, the other two continued to stabilize the boy. They did an ECG, decided that his heart-rate was still much to fast and erratic, but that they couldn't do anything about it just yet, they had to go to the hospital as quickly as possible though. They injected more pain-killers and set Harry on a drip of sodium chloride solution in order to counter the blood-loss.

When they arrived at the hospital, several doctors were already waiting and Harry was wheeled into an emergency room.

While they were at the same hospital as they had been last time, Petunia noticed that they weren't in the emergency room they had been then. Looking around, she saw a sign saying „intensive care unit" on a door just a few yards down the floor. And another sign said "Operating room NO ENTRY".

Apparently, Harry had done a lot more damage than he had done the first time they had to come to this hospital.

"Mrs Dursley?" A nurse asked

"Yes? Can I go to Harry?"

"I'm sorry but this isn't possible, but I can assure you that our doctors are excellent and they will do everything they can to help your boy!"

"But last time... last time, I could stay with him all the time!" Well, I had to, added Petunia silently.

"Perhaps last time you were in the normal emergency room? It's different here, I'm afraid, and it is quite possible that your son - what's his name? - will have to be operated right away. But you don't need to worry to much, I'm sure all will be fine, and as soon as the doctors have decided what treatment your son needs, they will come and inform you about everything! For now, please sit down, I have a few forms I need you to sign, and perhaps you would like something to drink?"

"OK.." It wasn't really that bad being allowed to stay outside. "Oh, and he isn't my son but my nephew, his parents died many years ago and my husband and I have taken care of him ever since." Petunia surely had learned her lesson.

"Oh, I'm sorry about your losses, what's the name of your nephew and how old is he? And you told me that you have been here already, when was this?"

"His name is Harry, Harry Potter, and he is 8, well 9 in a few weeks. We have been here when the boy was 4... he had hurt his head. We had to stay for three days."

"OK Mrs Dursley, thank you for the information, I will just look for the file of your nephew - by the way, which ward did you stay last time?"

"Oh, I don't quite remember... the children ward, but I don't really know which one..."

"OK, it doesn't matter, would you please just wait here, I will be back in a few moments!"

And with that, the nurse left and Petunia was left with her thoughts. She just couldn't forget the image of Harry flinging himself against the wall... the blood all over the boy's face... the bone she had seen between all this blood... his violent fight, as if he was possessed by the devil...

This incident had been far worse than any other previously. Why had it happened? What was the matter with the bloody boy? Lily... she had never been this bad. Of course, she had made strange stuff happened... but she had never acted like mad. She had never hurt herself. And while Petunia didn't thought much about that... freakish world, that...people... she was rather sure that they weren't a bunch of lunatics.
Thinking about this... Harry had only twice done things Petunia had recognized as accidental magic... well, of course she didn't knew whether the boy was doing it when he was in his cupboard, but with Lily, Petunia had seen her doing lots and lots of these things. Harry was clearly mad, but it must have been years since he had last done something unexplainable... it had been before he has started taking drugs, hadn't it? Maybe he wasn't a wizard after all? But then, there HAD been bouts of accidental magic, even it had happened a long time ago... was it possible that the medication had something to do with the lack of these incidents? Or was his craziness overriding all magic? Or had Vernon indeed manage to beat the magic out of him?

Perhaps Harry WAS indeed ill... mentally ill, crazy, like Dr Green thought he was. Petunia had never really thought about it this way. The boy was a freak. Freaks did freakish things. And when some drugs suppressed the freakishness, who was she to question it or to argue the boy taking it? It doesn't matter whether the boy was healthy or not, all that mattered was that her life and her family weren't bothered more by all of this than absolutely necessary.

But when he was ill.. what would happen now? Would they lock him away? Would he be put in an institution? But the letter had explicitly said that Harry had to stay with them... not that she worried that Harry might be in danger if he didn't, after all it was the boy's fault when he get mixed up in some dangerous freakish stuff, but her own family... Dudley and Vernon and Petunia herself, they might be in danger, too. The letter had said so... it had been the only reason they had taken the boy in, after all!

###

"Mrs Dursley?"

"Yes? How's the b... how's Harry?"

"Your nephew is currently in the operation room, the damage he did to his head is rather severe. However, he is no longer in immediate danger. We had a bit of trouble to stabilize him enough to put him under anaesthetic, but we managed in the end. I can't tell you yet whether the boy has done any damage to his brain, but when we tested his reflexes they were all fine, so you shouldn't be too worried. The operation is likely to last a few hours, we need to make sure that not any of the bone fragments that may have penetrated his brain is overlooked and then any damage done to his brain must be treated.

You can stay here, of course, but perhaps you would like to go home for a few hours to rest? We will phone immediately when there are news, not to worry, but you can't do anything here, and even when Harry comes out of the OR, you won't be able to visit him until he can be brought to the intensive care unit."

"So he will be fine?"

"I can't tell you for sure now, as I said, the damage is rather severe, but for now he is stable and it doesn't look to bad and I'm quiet sure he will recover!"

"O... OK.. yes, I think I'll go home then. How long did you say the operation would take?"

"I can't tell for sure, but at least a few hours. We are going to phone you immediately when we have finished, you really don't need to worry. Just rest a little bit and in a few hours you'll be able to see your nephew!"

"OK... yes, ok, then... but please phone me right away!"

Vernon was furious.

Not long after Petunia had left with the freak, the police had arrived and demanded to investigate what had happened. Apparently, it was customary procedure that the police did so, as they had assured Vernon when he had started to shout that his mad nephew had done all this to himself and that there wasn't any need for the police being in the house, but that didn't mean that it was any more pleasant to have some police officers searching the cupboard and asking you questions about what exactly had happened.
Why the boy had been in the cupboard in the first place? He liked to hide there, Vernon had responded, which wasn't a complete lie, since it was true that the freak often stayed there even when he wasn't locked up. Whether there was any possibility that there had been someone else in the house without him or Petunia noticing? („Of course not, this isn't some bar where you can go in and out as you please!"). Why there were some drawings, apparently coloured by a child, taped on the walls inside the cupboard? („As I have already said, the boy likes to hide there and obviously he draw some rubbish while doing so!") And so on.

It was only when one officer who had scoured through the mess on the floor of the cupboard emerged, holding a piece of a brick with some disgusting-looking sludge on it in one hand, saying „hey boss, I think I have found the rest of the brick the boy had smashed his head against!" that Vernon turned green and went outside.

That mad freak! How DARED he to do something that... vile, abnormal, disgusting, ghastly?

And WHY had his family been burdened with such a freak? Why wasn't there any way to get rid of him without putting his family in mortal danger?

Perhaps it WOULD have been better to kill the boy the morning Petunia had found him on the doorstep, rather than put up with this...

It was almost evening when the Dursley's received a phone call from the hospital.

Dudley, who had stayed with some friends while the whole ordeal occurred, was back and, admittedly, rather disappointed that he had missed what apparently had been more savage and brutal than any of that videos he and his friends had managed to „borrow" from the older brother of Piers.

"Petunia Dursley speaking?... How's the - Harry?"

Vernon and Dudley, both sitting at the kitchen table having supper, looked up.

"Yes... yes... ok... then we can see him?"

See him? Why should they go to see the freak? The longer they were able to live without having to see him the better!

"Oh, ok... yes, I understand, of course... than we can come tomorrow morning?"

"OK yes, sure, I'll phone you tomorrow! Thank you for the information!" And Petunia replaced the receiver.

"He is all right. Well, alive, and we can see him tomorrow. He is still under anaesthetic, so it is no use to see him today..."

"I have nor interest in seeing the freak at all!" Vernon stated," and I won't allow Dudley to see him either!"

"We can't just leave him!" Petunia snapped, "they will ask questions!"

"Well, I have to got to work, can't very well stay at home only because that lunatic has decided to beat out all the brain he might have had before!"

"Well, I suppose it wouldn't be so bad if you don't come, at least not tomorrow, but I have to go..."

"Poor dear, but you'll manage! But make sure that you don't have to stay there overnight again, we can't afford this now, Dudley needs you, I can't care for him, I'm too busy!"

"Of course, Vernon, the boy is almost 9, after all, it won't be a problem."

.

Harry awoke, feeling quite confused. He didn't know where he was. He was lying, but he wasn't in his cupboard. The mattress he had in there wasn't nearly as soft as this one. He didn't have a duvet, too, just an old, thin blanket.

He tried and failed to open his eyes and started to worry. What was going on?! It was when he attempted to move his arms in order to feel what was wrong with his eyes and noticed he couldn't move them more than a few inches that he panicked.

He uttered a noise of distress (why did his voice sounded this hoarse?), and suddenly there was someone standing near him, speaking.

"...you're awake?"

Harry was to terrified to make a sound. Perhaps he had been abducted by some sort of madman who wanted to torture and kill him. Or by someone who wanted to blackmail the Dursley's. He didn't think they would pay very much to get him back. Perhaps the abductor should have chosen Dudley.

"Harry? Are you awake?" Harry lay there, stiff.

„Child, if you can hear me, you don't need to be afraid. You are in hospital. You have a major head injury, but you will be all right in no time! I'm nurse Peter and I'm in charge for you this morning. It is almost 6 o'clock in the morning, you have arrived here yesterday evening while you were asleep. Can you please tell me whether you are awake?"

In hospital. Yes, he was awake, wasn't he? He tried to give a nod, but that made his head hurt quite a bit.

"No Harry, don't move your head, it'll probably hurt. As I said, you have a major head injury and you had to be operated for a few hours yesterday afternoon. You have a drip with some rather strong pain-killers just now, but it is possible that it hurts nevertheless when you move to much. Just try to speak, all right?"

"Mhry... My eyes?" Harry rasped.

"You have a bandages all around your head, this is why you can't open your eyes at the moment. But you don't need to worry, your eyes are perfectly healthy, there are just injuries next to your eyes, you have been rather lucky!"

"Why... why am I here? What happened?"

"You don't remember at all?"

"No... I think I was in my cup- in my room. But I don't know what happened next."

"Well, I'm just a nurse, I don't know very much, but apparently you have hit your head against the wall. I'm sure the doctors will talk to you and explain more as soon as your aunt visits you, she has promised to come this morning as soon as you're awake!"

"My aunt comes?"

"Of course, little one, she was really worried and upset! But you have been asleep all the night therefore she didn't stay here but went home yesterday afternoon. We have already phoned her that you got over the operation really well, and she promised to phone again this morning in order to ask whether she can visit you! Now, do you want something to drink? You must be really thirsty. I'm afraid you can't have anything to eat just yet, not until the doctors have looked at you..."

"Yes... ok. I'm not really hungry anyway."

"OK lad, I'm right back with some orange juice, ok?"

"Yes. Thank you!" And Harry heard the nurse - what was his name? - walking away. While listening, he noticed that there were many strange sounds. It was disconcerting not being able to see anything, because it really sounded strange. He didn't know what to make of it, wasn't a hospital supposed to be quiet? But there were beeps in all kind of notes and a funny, wheezing sound. As if someone was breathing really, really hard.

"There you are Harry, I'll just put your headboard up and then you can drink. It's a feeding cup, so you don't need to worry about spilling anything" Harry felt his upper body being lifted upright, he was about to move his arms in order to grasp the cup, but again, he wasn't able to move his arms more than a few inches. It was almost as if there was some kind of strap tying them to the bed.

"Oh, don't worry Harry, I'll hold the cup for you!"

"What is wrong with my arms? Can't move them!"

"Yes I know, the doctors have decided that it is better this way, since they didn't know what exactly had happened, they were afraid that you might hurt you again..."

"They have tied me up?"

"It is only because the doctors were unsure what was wrong with you, they just wanted to make sure that nothing would happen to you. I'm really sorry, but I'm sure you can ask them to remove them when they come looking for you the next time!"

"Why can't you remove them? I don't want to be tied up!"

"I'm just a nurse, Harry, I'm not allowed to remove them. Only the doctors are allowed to do so. Please calm down, you'll get a headache if you are getting more upset. HARRY! STOP!" Not listening to what the stupid nurse said, Harry started to pull on the straps that were holding his arms down. When that didn't help, he started to tug more violently, but his arms just didn't move! Starting to panic, he began to throw his whole body from one side to the other. He dimly was aware that the nurse was yelling, but it didn't matter. He was tied up and he needed to get away!

His head hurt quiet a lot now. But he couldn't stop, he had to fight, he had to fight against being captivated! If he tried hard enough, he would get free eventually, he just knew it, he just had to fight harder, it didn't matter that his head felt like it was going to split in two, it didn't matter that there were hands all over him, trying to hold him down, it didn't matter, he had to fight, he had to get away!

And then he felt weaker and weaker, as if all the energy was leaving him and his whole body became kind of numb and he couldn't fight any more... he was so tired... but he had to fight... had to get away...

"Ok, he is asleep. Oh my, poor dear. Must be really terrifying, waking up, lying in a foreign bed, not being able to see, not being able to move... well, perhaps we can at least get rid of the bandages above his eyes, he won't be this frightened then when he wakes up again. The injuries around his eyes weren't this severe, but I have to wait for Dr Miller to decide. Well, he should sleep for the next few hours anyway."

Unnoticed by Harry, nurse Peter had pressed the alarm button when Harry had started to fight against the restraints. The doctor who was in charge for the intensive care unit Harry was currently staying came and gave Harry a benzodiazepine in order to calm him down quickly. Since Harry already had a drip (he was getting some rather strong pain-killers and it had been a miracle that he had been able to fight this hard at all!) this was done in a few seconds.

###

Harry slept for almost six hours.

Petunia came to the hospital while he was still asleep. She was to talk with the doctors about Harry's injuries and further treatment. She wasn't disappointed that her nephew was asleep, though, she hadn't known how to deal with him, anyway.

Dr Miller and Dr Wayne, who were in charge of Harry, had led her to an office and explained what damage Harry had done to himself. Quite a lot, as far as Petunia was concerned (how could anyone do this to oneself? This boy must be really, really mad!), but both doctors seemed to think that it could have been far worse. He had managed to break the roof of his skull, but while the meninges had been penetrated by splinters of bone, his brain hadn't sustained any damage. He had a broken cheekbone and a splintered temple, and many bruises and wounds that had needed stitches, but all in all, Harry had been really lucky.

"How long is he going to stay here?" Asked Petunia, after she was sure that she wouldn't throw up.

"Well, normally I would say, Harry can be moved to a normal ward in a few days time, but since he needs close supervision... I think it would be reasonable when he stays here, on the ICU, for at least a week. Then, of course, we have to talk to the colleagues from the psychiatric ward for children - you have stated that you know Dr Green already? - and they have to decide when Harry can be moved in their care."

"He has to stay on the psychiatric ward?!"

"Yes, we can't very well release him after what he has done to himself... he could have killed himself! He was really lucky that he hasn't damaged his brain. Have you never talked with Dr Green about Harry being institutionalized?"

"Well, it has never been this bad... Then Dr Green will be in charge of him when he can be moved to the... that ward?"

"Yes, I think so... after all, this is the only psychiatric ward for children in this hospital, and when he already knows Harry it would be sensible."

"So... what happens now, then...?"

"Well, Harry will stay here until he is well enough to be moved to the other ward. And there, the consultants will take care of him and determine his treatment. I don't really know much about the treatment of children with severe mental illnesses I'm afraid, but I think he'll stay there for quite some time. But the doctors there will be able to tell you all of this in much more detail!"

"Ok, then... can I see my nephew?"