"Presents!" cried a happy little boy with strawberry blond hair as reached from the arms of his father towards the picnic table piled high with gifts.  Severus watched lazily from his spot next to Molly Weasley as little Harry Malfoy, three years old today, tried to wriggle free of Draco's grip eagerly.  Severus laughed with the others and glanced sideways as Molly said, "Somebody's getting anxious now aren't they?"  The soft faced child gave her a big smile and struggled harder to reach for a present on the bottom of the stack, unable to reach it.

"They spoil him," Severus told her, taking a drink of lemonade as he smiled over at his adopted grandchild.  Draco was only twenty one and Ginny was twenty.  After Harry's death they'd taken solace in each other's company and ended up getting pregnant while Ginny was still only seventeen.  Nobody blamed them however and Severus had been surprised when the Weasley's hadn't stayed angry for very long.  At the couple's announcement to name their son Harry, everybody's heart had softened towards the situation.  Draco and Ginny had filled the gap in their hearts that Harry Potter had left, with Harry Malfoy.

Draco grinned. "Guess we better get to it then," he said, setting his son gently on the ground to run to the gifts. Ginny wrapped her arm around Draco's back and Fred scooped Harry up and set him on his lap. George handed Harry the first gift and Draco called, "That's not something from your shop is it? I don't want to change his hair back from purple again this year!"

 

Severus shook his head and listened to the family banter back and forth.  He had become an honorary part of their family as he was Draco's surrogate father, and so was always invited to such events such as Christmases and birthdays.  He didn't like to come but did for little Harry, even though it disturbed him to hear the name Harry.  It always made him want to turn and search for his Harry.  But no, Harry Potter wouldn't be there.  Harry was dead.

 

The party went on and he supposed Draco must have seen his eyes because he'd come to sit next to him on the bench as Ginny tried to keep their son from digging into the cake with both hands.  Severus often overheard Minerva telling Albus how sad his eyes looked.  It couldn't be helped he supposed.  He didn't get much sleep these days, not since the funeral on the front lawns where he'd given Harry's eulogy.

 

"Ok dad?"

 

"I'm fine.  It's a nice day out."

 

"Yeah it is, isn't it?"

 

"Are you ready for him to have that broom?"

 

"It only flies two feet off the ground.  His toes will drag on the grass."

 

"It won't stop him from trying to leap from the roof with it."

 

Draco raised his brows.  "Well, Ginny's already put a charm on it.  It won't work unless we give him express permission, and even then only for ten minutes at a time."

 

Severus gave a little smile but he didn't feel happy in his heart.  He was silent for a while before Draco said, "He seems to like the bear and story book you gave him?  What, no potion's set?"

 

"For a three year old?  I didn't think you wanted your living room blown up."

 

"My son?  Blow up the living room?"  He feigned surprise.

 

"Did you not write to me last month and tell me he set the curtains on fire?"

 

"Accidental magic," Draco said with a grin.  "He'll be strong, I can tell."  Severus knew the white curtains still hung in the Malfoy living room window, singed half way up to the top.

 

"Will you stay for dinner after?" Draco asked.  Sometimes Severus went for dinners with Draco and Ginny, but Severus knew it wasn't as often as they would have liked.

 

"I'm afraid not today.  I have to finish lesson plans for the coming school year and must return back to the castle."

 

"Well, maybe next week then."  He sounded hopeful.

 

"Next week," Severus agreed, and stood up.  After making his goodbyes and giving little Harry a tight hug and kiss on his forehead along with a promise to come soon to watch him fly on his new broom, he apparated away, appearing just outside the Hogwarts gates.

 

He did have lesson plans to finish up, in fact he had all of them to do, but that wasn't why he wanted to get back to the castle.  It was only three and if he hurried he could continue on his search... his secret search.  He was certain that Albus suspected, but he never mentioned it and Severus certainly wasn't going to tell him.  People seemed to worry over him far too much as it was, and something like this coming out might make them force him into St. Mungos.  He didn't belong there, really he didn't, but he saw the looks of pity and worry in Minerva and Albus' eyes far more often than he liked.  Even Draco and Ginny gave him that look sometimes.  He always tried to ignore it.

 

No, he didn't belong in Mungos, not so long as he had his search.  His secret.

 

Whenever he had free time, Severus searched for Harry's body.  It had never been found after he had disappeared into the lake.  Neither had Voldemort's.  Somewhere in the back of his mind, he didn't want to find Harry's body, because if he hadn't found it, it meant he might still be alive out there somewhere, sucked into some portal like that up in the castle which had once pulled him and Harry into the Shadowland.  That's where Severus had focused his search in the last two years.  Even during the school year he went out on evenings and weekends when he could manage.  As a result, his preparations for classes had lacked, and he often felt rushed and frazzled when it came time to give lessons.  He'd barely handed out a detention in four years... he wasn't usually around to patrol corridors for wayward students.  Yes, Albus had to know.

 

Going out and physically searching for Harry's body wasn't the only thing that took up his time though.  He often locked himself away in the library or his quarters, or went to the wizarding library in London and sometimes Bristol to research secret portals like the one in the upper castle.  His theory was that somehow there was one in the part of the lake in the caves under the castle.  It must have sucked Harry into it... or his body.  In the past four years he'd learned more about the castle and its ancient magic than he'd ever known.  If only is search didn't feel so frantic, he might have enjoyed the reading and the interesting things he often discovered in the texts, notes, and journals of the staff and sometimes students who had come before him.

 

After hurrying down to his dungeon quarters to get his long cloak, he went back to the gate and apparated to the edge of the Shadowland.  He walked for hours, as he often did, scratching out boxes on the grid he'd penciled out on his map of the area.  These were the places he'd searched.  He'd been over quite an extensive area of the Shadowland already.  What he'd do when he'd searched the entirety of it, he wasn't sure.  Once, he'd even gone on a whim to the beach Flitwick had been transported to when he'd made the portal angry, and searched the town, holding up an old photo of Harry to anyone who would stop to let him ask if they'd seen him.  For half a day, he'd let his mind wander, and had imagined the foolish boy sitting on a beach somewhere enjoying himself and letting the worries of war melt away and be forgotten.

 

It was dark when he made it back to the castle from the Shadowland, and he was going to skip dinner, but a throat cleared behind him as he came into the Entrance Hall and he turned to find Albus.

 

"Albus," he said, taking his gloves off as he turned to go to the Dungeons.  He only had three weeks left until the school year started, and he didn't want to waste time there talking to Albus.

 

"Severus, might I have a word?"

 

"If you must," he snapped, and lead off towards his office, the Headmaster following.

 

Once in the security of his own office he took off his cloak and shut the door.  Albus put his hands behind his back and looked around the room.  It looked much the same as it always had, only there was a photo on the desk of Harry now, his Harry, not little Harry.  Little Harry's pictures adorned much of Severus' fridge space in his quarters, and the space above the mantle.

 

"I trust your search goes well?"

 

Severus looked up from what he was doing putting his gloves away in his top drawer.

 

"Search?"

 

"For Harry?"

 

"I do not know what you're talking about.  I saw Harry today at the party, covered in cake from head to toe."

 

"Ah," Albus said.  His lips smiled but his eyes looked sad.  Severus wondered if this was what Draco and the others saw when they looked into his own eyes.

 

"I mean the search for Harry's body."

 

Severus looked up again but didn't acknowledge the assumption.  The Headmaster suggested on a regular basis as it was that he take an extended holiday.  He would if he thought it was just a holiday and not an excuse to send him away for good.  He wasn't incapable of teaching, he just didn't want to anymore.  He did want full access to the Hogwarts library whenever he wanted however.

 

"I did not mean to upset you of course Severus."

 

"You did not."

 

"I merely wondered if you had found anything in, the Shadowland, am I correct?"

 

"You merely wondered if I'm fit to be here.  Let me put your worries to rest, I'm quite sane."

 

"I have no doubt."

 

Severus snorted.

 

"In fact, I brought something for you.  A text from the archives."

 

Severus allowed his eyes to flicker back up and to the book the Headmaster had produced from somewhere in his robes.  He held out his hand and took it, not bothering to ask what it was.  He flipped open the first page and saw that it was the daily log by one of the old headmasters.  He'd been slowly going through any text on the school he could find, but hadn't seen this one yet.

 

"And why did you think I would like this book?"  Severus asked in an irritated tone but not handing the book back.

 

"It was in the library in my office.  I merely thought you might find it interesting given your recent interest in school history."

 

Severus gave a grunt in response, eyes scanning down the first entry.  When he didn't look back up or say anything else, Albus said, "I will leave you to your reading then.  Oh and Severus?  Minerva wanted me to tell you she would like your lesson plans for the first term in at least a week before the school year starts this year, if you could.  She said something about ‘being afluster' at the start of last year."

 

"Fine," Severus said.  He sat down behind his desk and didn't look up as the Headmaster saw himself out.  He knew he was being rude, but he supposed he always had been.

 

Severus poured through the mundane writings of Headmaster Bertraine Lyons until four in the morning.  He'd been through two pots of coffee and half a bottle of liquor (which he liked adding to his black coffee), and was just thinking about going to bed because his eyes felt heavy and dry, when an entry caught his attention.  At first it seemed as mundane as the rest.  Bertraine, who was the third Headmaster of Hogwarts, never put any emotion into his writing and simply stuck to describing the day's events if there was anything of interest, sometimes with little detail (which so far Severus had been thankful for).

 

Ninth August 1035 A.D.

 

Professor Augustine apprehended three Hufflepuffs brewing a potion illegally after lunch in the Hufflepuff girl's dormitory.  They each received a loss of ten house points and one detention with the shackles.

 

Severus shook his head.  In the early days of the school they used to chain students for a few hours at a time as punishment.  He continued reading.

 

At half past the dinner hour, a naked young man with black hair came up the front lawns startling Mrs. Lyons who was out doing her gardening.  He seemed confused and did not know his name.  He has been brought in to the castle at Mrs. Lyons bidding to be fed and looked after.

 

Eyes scanning back over the second half of the entry half a dozen times, Severus sat completely still in his comfortable chair in his living room.  A young man with black hair who didn't know his name had suddenly appeared... no, that wasn't right, he came up the front lawns the entry said, he hadn't just appeared in a flash of light had he?  He quickly scanned the next ten or fifteen entries looking for any other mention of the mysterious young man but couldn't find any mention of him.  He cursed under his breath, frustrated, and closed the book.  No, he supposed there wouldn't be.  They had probably fed him, clothed him, and turned him out on his own.  He had probably been a beggar.

 

With a heavy sigh and a glance at his watch, he set his cup down and stood up, stretching, and made his way into his bedroom.  He supposed if Minerva was going to press him to get his course all laid out on time this year that he'd have to start it tomorrow.  He didn't look forward to it.  Maybe he'd sleep in.

 

Severus tried to sleep, but Bertraine's entries followed him into his dreams, where Harry Potter walked naked and soaking wet up the castle lawns and Albus Dumbledore told Severus he'd be put in St. Mungo's mental ward if he didn't finish his course plans on time.

 

In the morning, Severus felt as though he hadn't slept at all, which was normal for him these days, and felt the ache of having slept wrong on his right arm.  He found breakfast waiting for him on his kitchen table, also normal since he didn't often eat in the Great Hall anymore, and ate slowly, trying to let his mind wake up.  He really didn't feel like doing lesson plans today.  He supposed he didn't feel like doing much of anything except searching for Harry.  After breakfast he went back to Bertraine's mundane book.  It was another forty five entries before he found something more about the mysterious boy.

 

­First October 1035 AD

 

There is still no luck in finding the identity of the boy who appeared naked before Mrs. Lyons.  He is too old to attend school though it has become apparent that he has received magical schooling somewhere.  He does not know his name or where he comes from.  Mrs. Lyons has called him Henry and he has found this name agreeable, and the students have given him the name Mr. Silver because he has taken a liking to the color silver.  Mr. Henry Silver is quiet and often keeps to himself, though he surprised us this day with a suggestion to help the caretaker Mrs. Kentworth, a squib.  He proposed we put in supply cupboards in different parts of the castle so she would not have to carry her supplies so far each day.  He seems to care for Muggles and squibs and seems to have taken a liking to the Muggleborns admitted to school this year.  It's the first year they've been admitted and the others have been rough on them.  When Henry does talk, it is often to them.  Mrs. Lyons thinks his idea to add cupboards is admirable.  I have put him in charge of adding them as I have far too much to do...

 

Henry Silver, not Harry Potter.  Severus felt angry with himself because he wanted this to be Harry he was reading about, though he knew there could be no possibility of him traveling back in time to the middle ages, not even with a time turner.  His eyes raked back over the entry to the part about Muggleborns though.  It would be like Harry to stick up for those being picked on.  No.  He snapped the book closed.  He was getting side tracked.  Harry had to be in this time somewhere, dead or alive.  Any portal there was would have taken him to the Shadowland or some other place.

 

Severus went to his office and pulled out the lesson plans from previous years and set to work copying them out and adding changes where he thought were necessary, though his heart wasn't in it and he hadn't gotten more than two weeks into the coming term before his min wandered back to the book again.  He forced himself to at least get through October's lessons before he allowed himself to get up and go back to his quarters for lunch and another look at the book.  By dinner, he had finished the year's entries by Betraine Lyons and pushed it away from himself.  There were no more entries about the mysterious black haired young man.

 

He stood up, intending to return the book to the Headmaster and go look in the archives for any more of Bertraine's mundane writings when there was a knock on his door.

 

"Go away," he said irritably.  He didn't want to be delayed in going up to the library by Minerva, though if it was Albus he could just give his book back to him.

 

He heard someone mutter in the hall and then his door opened to reveal Draco.

 

"Oh," Severus said, deflating a little.

 

"Hey," Draco said, coming in and closing the door.

 

Severus motioned for him to come inside and sit down and Draco did so.  "Ginny wanted to know when you'd be over for dinner again.  She wants to try cooking Beef Wellington and says I'm not worth the effort all by myself."

 

With a soft snort Severus stood up.  "I am still trying to get the lesson plans finished."

 

"Harry's been asking about you too.  He reckons if you come over Ginny and I will let him try to perform more dangerous stunts on his broom."

 

Severus paused, back to Draco.  Little Harry often reminded him far too much of his Harry, and it hurt him to think about.  "Do you want some coffee?"

 

"Better not.  I have to get up early for work."

 

"Tea then?"

 

"Ok." 

 

Without turning to look at Draco, Severus continued into the kitchen and began making tea.  He could tell Draco was in the doorframe behind him after a moment, watching.

 

"Maybe the week before school starts," Severus said as he heated the tea kettle up with his wand.

 

"How about tomorrow?"

 

"Is the Beef Wellington that important to you?"

 

"No of course not," Draco said.  Severus could hear the strain in his voice as he tried to sound lighthearted but then grew serious.  "But you are."

 

Water finished boiling, Severus turned and put it and two cups on a tray which he carried to the table and set before Draco.

 

"My apologies.  I've been very busy."

 

"Maybe you're overdoing it," Draco hedged, and Severus raised a brow. 

 

"Who have you been talking to?"

 

There was silence between them before Draco said, "Professor McGonagall came and had dinner with us last night to give Harry his birthday present.  She said you seemed a little... stressed."

 

"I will be fine."  He heaved a sigh then and gave Draco a hard look.  "I will come to dinner tomorrow night if that is what you want."

 

"I just want you to be happy," Draco said.  "I want you to be a part of our family.  Harry goes to stay with Ginny's mum and dad a few times a week but you never seem to want to take him.  I think he feels a little left out, like you don't want him around."

 

I don't, was the unbidden thought that came to Severus, but he squashed it back down to the pit of his stomach, feeling irritated.  Of course he did, Harry was his grandchild.

 

"If you will allow me to put off the dinner until next week, then perhaps I could bring Harry back with me to stay the night.  I will... take him on an adventure around the castle."

 

Draco's face brightened.  "Friday then?  Five o'clock?"

 

"Friday at five o'clock."

 

He smiled and set to fixing his tea.  He stayed for half an hour and talked about work and Ginny and Harry, and then left.  Severus couldn't deny that his mood had been lifted marginally by the visit by Draco, though he wasn't sure about taking three year old Harry next Friday.

 

Looking at his watch he decided it wasn't too late to go to the Library archives, and left his quarters.  He wanted to know more about Henry Silver.