Students kept peeking from the doors of the various classes they passed by to see what was screaming like a banshee with a megaphone. Hermione kept her head high as all the curious gazes fell on the bundle she was holding. Refusing to listen to the whispers that fluttered behind in her wake (not that she could have heard them over Snape anyway) she continued to lead the others to the stone gargoyle which stood before the sealed entrance to the headmaster’s office.

“Does anyone know the password?!” she cried out, her throat growing horse from yelling constantly over Snape’s cries.

The three boys shook their heads, and her nose twitched in agitation. Just as she was about to start back towards the Transfiguration classroom to speak with Professor McGonagall, the gargoyle swung open to reveal the magical escalator which lead up to the Headmaster’s door.

“Well,” Ron screamed, “how could he not have known we were down here!” He pointed his finger towards their Professor.

Hermione again lead the way up to the door. She paused before knocking- hoping that she wasn’t interrupting an important meeting. When she voiced this concern to Harry he looked at her with tense eyes. “What could be more important then this?” he replied dryly into her ear. She nodded and knocked on the door.

It swung back to reveal Dumbledore alone in the room. Seated behind his desk- a strange contraption floated above the table in front of him. He held a screwdriver in his right hand and his tongue was poking out slightly from the corner of his mouth as he gingerly twisted a knob in the twirling device. Silver sparkles erupted from the top like a fountain showering the room with a soft light.

The effect on Snape was immediate as he stopped screaming to gaze at the spinning fountain with wonder in his widening eyes. Dumbledore peered up at them, his blue eyes sparkling enough to rival the silver streaming from his desk. “Children are easy to amuse, especially the younger they are.” He motioned for them to step further in and quickly placed the screwdriver within on of the drawers of his desk. “Then again, the same could be said for old men such as myself.” Dumbledore then turned his gaze onto Snape. “It seems Severus is no longer to be counted in the older among us.” They stared at him in wonder for a moment, questioning in their own minds how it was that Dumbledore seemed omniscient when it came to the events in Hogwarts.

“There was an accident in Potions, Sir,” Harry replied, the toe of his boot shifting itself into the carpet- which suddenly became quite fascinating. “My fault entirely.”

“N-nn-o,” Neville stuttered out between his shivering teeth. “M-m-y f-f-a-ult t-t-t-o.”

“Why don’t you all sit down.” Dumbledore swept his hand and suddenly four chairs appeared before his desk. “Explain everything that happened.”

They made their way timidly towards the desk. Neville was still shaking as he sat, causing the chair to creak violently. In response, Dumbledore picked up the tray and held it out for him. “Lemondrop Mr. Longbottom? I find they are quite soothing when one is consumed with stress. Or perhaps some chocolate?”

Neville shook his head so hard he could have pulled a muscle in his neck. The corner of Dumbledore’s lips curled upwards as he smiled lightly. “It’s all right. Here.” Withdrawing a chocolate bar from his robes, he gave it to the quivering boy. Neville tore the wrapper in his fright and nibbled very slowly on it. Eventually- after several moments- he began to calm to a point where the violent shaking was reduced to small and spaced shivers. Dumbledore nodded. “Much better.”

Snape in the meantime had begun to reach his pudgy little hands out towards the fountain as it continued to send sparkles into the air. Dumbledore chuckled and slid the fountain towards Snape, who in turn cooed with glee and began to stick his hands without much grace over the top. As the fountain stopped to produce the showers of silver, his eyes began to tear again. Soon he withdrew and the showers again rained over the room. Snape laughed and continued the pattern as if he controlled all the power in the world.

“Now that Severus is sufficiently distracted,” Dumbledore nodded towards the infant, “why don’t you tell me how this happened.”

“Well sir,” Ron began before pausing to think. “We were brewing an aging potion today. Not a very powerful one, according to Professor Snape.” He hesitated then, throwing the laughing Professor a look of befuddlement. “I guess he was wrong.”

“I think I accidentally put too many baby eels into the potion,” Neville muttered. “When I looked down where Snape had knocked over the tray- it was empty. The only thing on the ground was the purple goo that got all over him before he- shrank.” His lower lip began to tremble and Neville quickly took a bite from the chocolate.

“Hmm. I’ve never heard of this effect before- but Potions was not my field of study as it was Severus’.” Dumbledore sighed. “I fear that without his expertise this may take a while to counter.” At the look of terror that struck the students the Headmaster quickly added some hope. “If it does not dissipate on it’s own.”

“And if there is no counter potion?” Hermione asked, glancing down at the giddy baby in her arms.

“Then Severus may have to grow up again.”

All of them sat in a stunned silence for several minutes which was only interrupted by the giggling Professor. Hermione absently began to smooth the patch of hair on his head- comforted by the thin black strands that were as soft as rabbits fur. The tuft just behind the ears, she mused.

Dumbledore smiled- radiating relaxation and comfort at them. “Now, why don’t you tell me how Severus came in contact with the potion. I have never known him to accidentally spill anything.”

“That’s my fault.” Harry replied, again finding the floor quite fascinating. “We- erm I mean he- or I- well some things were said and,” Harry sighed and tore his eyes from the floor to place them in Dumbledore’s own. “I jumped on his back and he fell onto Neville’s cauldron.” He spoke it in a rush- hoping the speed might lessen the impact.

It did not, and Dumbledore nodded very slowly. “I see. Assault on a teacher is a very serious offence Harry.”

“But it wasn’t just Harry’s fault sir!” Ron shouted, momentarily startling Severus away from the fountain. The baby turned his head to glare at Ron, and the red-headed boy could almost hear Snape’s snarling voice in his head saying ‘Twenty points for ruining my fun Mr. Weasley.’ Ron glared back at Snape and continued- defiant more than anything. “He accused Harry of practically causing Cedric’s death. In front of everyone!”

“Severus,” Dumbledore breathed sadly. Snape turned his head- the awkward movement causing it to bob to the side slightly as he regarded the Headmaster. Dumbledore sighed and shook his own head. “A very inappropriate thing to say my friend. Nonetheless, there is no excuse for assaulting a member of the faculty- Quirrel aside. Yes, I think a punishment is in order here.”

“Yes sir.” Harry’s voice trembled. “I’ll just go and collect my things.” He began to stand when Dumbledore stopped him with a lifted hand.

“What ever for?”

Harry gazed at the Headmaster with disbelief. “You aren’t going to-”

The old wizards eyes softened. “No Harry. I’m not.” Harry let out a long sigh and leaned into his chair as the other three grinned back and forth. “I am a firm believer that a punishment should also serve as a lesson.”

They remained quiet.

“Therefore- you will be in charge of Severus’ care for the time being until we can find a way to -ah- reverse the situation.”

They continued to remain quiet, but Harry’s jaw was about to hit his knees.

“And since Severus has seemed to take a liking to you Hermione, you shall assist Harry. The ministry doesn’t allow us to teach sexual education here at Hogwarts you see, so this shall be an excellent opportunity for the students to experience life with one who depends so intently on you for the most basic of needs. In fact- you can help as well Ron. Yes, a most excellent idea.” Dumbledore sat back in his own leather chair and beamed at them.

They continued to gawk at him as if he had suddenly sprouted an extra head. Snape chose that moment to start laughing at a portrait in the room which was making funny faces towards him.

“Your mad!” Ron exclaimed. He quickly clamped his hands over his mouth as he realized what he had said.

Dumbledore only chuckled. “So I’ve been told many times before.”

“What about me?” Neville muttered.

“Well all of Gryffindor house will have to lend some assistance, but- my dear boy- it is very well known how much you fear Professor Snape. In fact I remember that lovely incident with the Bogart.” He chuckled again. “It is understandable mistake that I will not punish you for. We all foul occasionally, myself included.”

Dumbledore seemed very pleased with his decision. He leaned forward and motioned for Hermione- who was still shell shocked- to hand Severus to him. She did so silently, and soon the Headmaster was holding one of his most valued Professors. He gazed at the gurgling face with happiness beaming from his own. “Ah yes, it is so good to see him smile again. And it will do wonders to improve the mood around the castle if a baby is around. Little padding feet as they say.”

“Couldn’t we just get a dog?” Ron moaned. Dumbledore glanced at Ron.

“Why don’t you hold him?”

“What!” Ron shrieked. Snape’s face contorted and it was clear he was about to cry when Dumbledore quickly uttered gentle words that succeeded in soothing him.

“Well you did grow up in a house filled with children.” Hermione pointed out.

“But Ginny is only a year and a half younger than me. I never had to deal with babies before,” Ron moaned before crossing his arms in front of his chest. Dumbledore clucked his tongue disapprovingly.

“Come now. Here.” He stood from behind the desk and walked around until he was standing next to Ron. He kneeled gently beside him and presented Snape, who was eyeing Ron with an eerily similar gaze.

Ron returned the glare, happy that for once it out-shone his Professor's. “He hates me.”

“Nonsense,” Dumbledore replied sternly before moving his hand under Snape’s neck. “You must always make sure the neck is supported. Hold him gently, but firmly enough that he won’t roll out.” He pushed Snape until his was against the upper portion of Ron’s arms.

Sighing to show his extreme discomfort, Ron uncurled one of his arms to allow Dumbledore to gently lay Snape in it’s crook. Snape’s face contorted into extreme distaste before settling into the slight dip of the fifteen year-olds arm. Ron gazed down with the look of a deer caught in the headlights of his father’s car.

“See, it is not so very bad now is it?” Dumbledore muttered. Harry craned his neck over to be able to gaze more intently on the situation- barely containing his laughter. Ron pinched his nose.

“I guess not but I still don’t li-”

Suddenly a stream of yellow erupted from Snape.

“EEEWWW!!!!!” Ron cried out as his shirt became drenched in urine. “He’s pissing on me!”

Snape let off the water works and began to laugh with glee. Ron shoved his arms towards the Headmaster who’s cheeks were bloated from containing his own laughter. Harry and Neville did not bother trying to suppress it, and soon the room echoed with chuckles.

Dumbledore took Snape gingerly just as Hermione glanced at him. “He should at least have a nappy, sir.”

“No kidding!” Ron snarled, holding his now drenched shirt away from his chest.

The wizard nodded thoughtfully. “I believe I can ‘conjure’ up, as it were, some of the necessities. I will send Professor McGonagall to Hogsmede tonight to fetch some more supplies- and toys.” Dumbledore smiled down at Snape. “Somehow I have a feeling he did not receive near enough before. Well, we shall make sure his second go at infancy is much more enjoyable, won’t we?”

They groaned in response. Dumbledore then motioned for them all to stand with his head. He laid Snape down on the desk with great care and took out a very old looking wand. “Now, for some diapers, hmm?” He glanced around before his eyes landed on an older set of robes. Taking them from the shelf, he set them on the desk and concentrated for a moment- pointing his wand at them.

In an instant a set of diapers appeared. Dumbledore grabbed the top one- quickly inspected it- and nodded his approval. “Now watch very carefully,” he muttered. After a few swift motions Snape was no longer naked but sufficiently covered. The trim around the top of his diapers were decorated in unicorns, which danced happily around. “I’ve charmed them not to leak, but if he has an- accident,” he paused to glow at Ron- who still held his shirt pinched in two fingers away from his chest, “the unicorns will become most unhappy and you should know. If the smell doesn’t tell you first.”

A look of horror again crossed their faces.

“Hermione, please create a suitable bag which will hold the things he needs. You’ll each have to take turns taking care of him.” Hermione nodded and reached for her book bag- which was no longer there. “Oh no!” she gasped in horror. Obviously the idea of being without her books terrified her more than caring for the baby before them. “I must have left it in Potions!”

“I’ll get it for you!” Neville cried out and practically ran from the room. They watched as he disappeared behind the door.

“I don’t think he’s going to be much help,” Harry muttered.

“You may be surprised,” Dumbledore replied. “Here, you can use that case by the fireplace Hermione.”

Hermione crossed the room and pointed to a tattered looking briefcase by the fireplace. Dumbledore nodded. “Is there anything important inside?” She asked, unwilling to go through the Headmaster’s things.

“No. It’s empty.”

She nodded and pulled out her own wand. Pausing to think for a moment before she pointed again to the case. In a flash of white which made Snape coo out with glee- it transformed itself into a diaper bag. Several side pockets covered the outside which was covered in rabbits.

“Bunnies?” Ron asked disdainfully. “I don’t want to carry around a bag with bunnies on it!”

“You’ll very well do it Ron Weasley and what more you will like it!” Hermione hissed back, waving her wand at him. Ron threw out the arm not holding his shirt in placation. “It should be bottomless- able to hold a lot of items.” Hermione added, very pleased with her accomplishment. Dumbledore clapped.

“Well done, Miss Granger. Ten points to Gryffindor,” he replied, eyes beaming. “Minerva was absolutely right. Come- let’s finish the rest of it.”

When the three left Dumbledore’s office, the bag slung over Harry’s shoulder contained most of the ‘essential’ things that Snape would need. Several nappies- enough for one night, five bottles decorated with magical creatures that Harry suspected Snape would choke them for when he turned back (he was going to turn back Harry told himself over and over), pacifiers, rattles, books Dumbledore had produced for them to read Snape to sleep (‘Severus always reads a book before going to bed’), and a weird assortment of toys Dumbledore had provided that Harry had never even seen before.

They had clothed him in a bright blue pajama outfit with ducks floating around like it was some kind of enchanted lake. Ron had muttered that they should have been black. Dumbledore only smiled and replied that, ‘one can never have too many colors.’

It was decided that Snape should alternate between staying in Hermione's and the boys' rooms unless a preference became apparent. A crib in both Harry, Ron, Seamus, Dean, and Neville’s room as well as Hermione’s and her room mates. A play pen would be placed in the Common Room and at the classes they would attend.

As soon as they were in the hall Ron gazed in disgust at Snape before turning to Harry and Hermione. “I’m going to go change,” he muttered- gesturing to his shirt. “I’ll meet you all in the Great Hall for dinner.”

The pair nodded to him and he quickly turned and stalked away. They glanced at each other before continuing down the corridor. Snape was in a strange carrier which strapped to Hermione’s back while Harry carried the diaper bag. “You know,” Hermione began, motioning to Harry, “this could have turned out a lot worse for you.”

Harry nodded. He hadn’t really said much since the accident. What could one say when one was suddenly named babysitter to the most hated Professor in the school?

“And this will be a good experience for all of us,” Hermione added.

Harry only nodded again.

“And he is a bit cute this way.”

Harry stopped dead in his tracks and turned his head to regard her. “Have you lost your mind ‘Mione?” he asked. She glared before walking ahead of him, leaving Harry to gaze at Snape’s face which- he would swear to anyone under Veritaserum- was snarling at him.

When they reached the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, Harry immediately noticed the highchair at the end. It glinted in gold and was cushioned by satin. He groaned at the thought of Snape dining in such fine fashion, especially in what should have served as an embarrassment to the Professor. Rolling his eyes, he reluctantly helped remove Snape from the carrier and placed him into the chair. Hermione secured the tray in front and buckled him in.

Snape was not pleased with this and immediately began slapping his hands angrily against the top of the tray. Harry tried to shush him as best he could. Placing his own hands over Snape’s, which earned him another baby-snarl and glare. Harry almost glared back before catching himself and sighing.

“We just heard,” Fred said as he walked up to stand on the other side of the highchair, flanked by George who was barely containing his laughter at the sight of Snape. “Still looks like an evil git, don’t he?”

At this comment Snape began the tale-tell wail of his. It echoed around the Hall- causing everyone to stare. Snape didn’t seem to care as he continued screaming with a power Harry would never have believed

“I should Hex you!” Hermione hissed to Fred before reaching into the bag still held by Harry. She fished around for several minutes before pulling out one of the toys Dumbledore had gave them.

She sat it in front of Snape and began to talk to him in a sing-song voice. “There there Sevvy- here- look at this.” She flipped the copper switch and the toy began to swarm with colors. Snape quieted and grasped for the toy. “Only if you’re a good baby. You are a good baby-waby aren’t you?” she asked in that sickening voice which made Harry cringe and the Weasley twins choke with laughter. She glared at the pair before handing the toy to Snape, who immersed himself in studying it as only a baby could.

“Sevvy?” George gasped out. “Little Sevvy wevvy have a doo doo yet?” The twins again erupted in laughter.

“Oh grow up!” Hermione hissed, lashing out at them. “He can’t help it. And, no, for your information.”

“He did see fit to use me as the loo though,” Ron grumbled as he appeared from behind them. George and Fred settled themselves down to a few chuckles and went to sit in their customary place. Soon, most of the students were fluttering over to get a look at the Potion’s Master- whose accident was well passed along information by that time.

Hermione kept trying to shoo them away- mothering over Snape in a way that made Harry and Ron sick to their stomachs. “Girls.” Ron whispered to Harry before shaking his head.

After the announcement by Dumbledore of Snape’s accident and the current situation (during which Harry noticed the mirth on all of the other Professor’s faces) the food appeared. The need to eat drove them away from inspecting Snape and returning to their own plates.

Hermione didn’t touch her food though- she contented herself with trying to feed Snape the mush that the house elves had brought out for him. “Are you sure he can eat solid food? Dumbledore did give us the bottles,” Ron pointed out. Hermione ignored him for a few moments- making plane motions with her spoon and even more ridiculous noises to get Snape to accept the food.

“He can have some of this too,” she responded. “He’s not quite newborn.”

“No, he’s a thirty-five-year-old baby,” Ron replied dryly. As soon as he turned back to his own plate a glob of yellow much hit him in the side of the head. Ron gasped in shock and grabbed a napkin to wipe it away while the rest of the table laughed. Ron turned to glare at Snape, but paused as he noticed the very pleased expression on the baby’s face. “Git!” Ron called out. Snape only stuck his tongue out.

“Oh for Merlin’s sake Ron,” Hermione chastened as she cleaned a bit of the mush from Snape’s face. “It’s only applesauce.”

“He really hates me.” Ron muttered darkly in reply before turning again to his food.