This is a very interesting take on Snape! I'm trying to wrap my mind around the thought of him with nine kids, but it's so hard! Your writing makes it seem very natural, however, as though this is perfectly normal for Snape. The descriptions are beautiful as well, I'm a detail fiend, so all of the colors and details you add make me quite happy! The only vague suggestion I have would be to break up the larger paragraphs so that they aren't so dense, but it's really not a very big deal. 

 I wonder what Snape wants to talk with Harry about... maybe his shyness or the Dursleys? Perhaps just what is expected of him over the summer? Hm, the possibilities are intriguing. I can't wait for your next installment! (But I will resign myself to it. Sigh. :)

- Ari