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Reviews For Lily's Charm
When I said Harry wasn't a spy, I did not mean that he wasn't a special case or that the stakes weren't higher for him. I meant he has not had the years of practice in occluding and controlling his emotions as Snape has. Also, when I said he was an emotional teenager I was referring to his developmental stage and his recent trauma. As in, teenagers are not known for being the calmest most rational beings on the planet - It is a difficult age for anybody. I guess what I was trying to say was there is a lot of fairly unrealistic expectations on this kid (maintain complete control of your emotions, do what we say even if we don't tell you anything, ignore everyone staring and gossiping about you, defeat the Dark Lord etc.) And given his age/stage/recent trauma - the fact that he wasn't able to meet said expectations should not surprise or anger anyone terribly much. It seemed to me - he was doing the best he could! He even nearly made it through the day... Instead of being all furious at him - A better reaction may have been - Thank God you are o.k. and that this happened in a controlled setting because clearly we have got to work on this - You need more practice and tools until you are able to better reign yourself in - I am terrified of what could happen to you if you don't. Real spies go through extensive training to be able to control their emotions - how can Harry be expected to after two months? My parents adore the teenage years - so I have no reference of shouting matches between my parents and my siblings or I. So yes, to me Harry's words seemed very harsh and out of character. I do understand his hurt though. I guess I am very uncomfortable with this kind of tension. But I am sure you have a plan to put it all back together. I also realize you a writing about imperfect people - just, I like to look up to my fictional hero's. Again, I am sure you will get there. Author's Response: Snape is not really mad at Harry. Mad at himself for not realizing Harry wasn't doing so well. And concern for his son. Snape was not furious at Harry. Snape is not really a very emotionally-well person and his concern manifested itself very quickly as anger. That happens sometimes when your a parent. Of course, he should have said those nice things but he's not perfect. Lots of people do have lots of references to shouting matches and to many, it is completely normal. And it would be great to think, 'oh sure, Harry needs more time to learn all this jazz', but he doesn't have time. He just doesn't. I hope you'll find a story you will enjoy more and has more of the fluffy moments you're looking for and that won't make you uncomfortable. I am not really trying to make two people you can look up. I already do look up to them. They make mistakes but that doesn't diminish all they've done and become. Heroes aren't perfect.
The same goes for Rémus part, he HAS a real part here, and he is more in character that I ever saw him, even in the canon fic. Well maybe he had more "relief" ( is that an english word?) here. Oh and of course the relationship between Snape and Harry IS unique. The only problem is that it makes me really depressed for them. I have to stop being empathic with your characters, with your angst tendancies, you're leading me to Prozac ;-) Oh by the way, I am working on Last Gift, but I'm in desperate need of a translator, I'm really too bad at this ! But the cat is just sleeping on his jumper, he'll be back ;-) Author's Response: There really is no reason to be depressed for them. They will be fine. This is not a fic about fluffiness. These two men are trying to make an almost impossible situation work. Sorry you didn't enjoy this chapter as much. I myself, though I found it very hard to write, loved it for all the reasons that it is going to be what helps both of them heal. Life is not easy. All of this has been building to a certain point. And we're almost there. Glad you liked Ginny/Harry here and Remus as well.
What Harry said at the end there was so damn hurtful. He held it in and held it in until it ruptured like a boil. That's another thing they'll have to deal with in the future, Severus telling Harry that he needs to talk about his feelings RESPECTFULLY and not hold everything in until it spews out uncontrollably. Comes down to control again. I think it's funny how some are comparing Harry's outburst to an ordinary teenage tantrum (like he's complaining about not having a car or something). While I hate the fact that he said that to Severus, Harry is not whinging on about ordinary life issues. He's a traumatized kid. For years and years he's been this way, and only just now went through one hell of an emotional rollercoaster with his dad's torture and return to life. That doesn't mean he should do what he likes; if people let him do what he likes then he'll never heal and gain healthy self-control. But I feel really bad for him too. Because he's probably kicking himself pretty badly now over what he said, punishing himself worst than Severus can about it. Severus is probably no better off. Angry as he is with Harry now there's also that self-anger that's eating him up. I don't know how you'll work these things out with them, but I thank you for the angst. It wouldn't be a realistic story without it. And you don't write angst the way most fanfic writers do. Most fanfic writers don't give it thought; you can tell, in the writing, that they're doing it in a detached sort of way and just carelessly letting the characters suffer. Not here. Here I can see the sort of emotional labor you put into this; it's in the writing. And it's why the characters stand tall on the page. So great job. Author's Response: Thanks so much Esther! I loved this. And I really appreciate all you've said. Both of them did lose control. Severus really did try...that's what his whole, leaning against the door thing was, saying, "I let you go back too soon." So he was trying to show he was concern but before he really got a chance, Harry got too defensive, which set Severus off. And yeah, that's kind of what I was going for there. Severus was being too Snape-ish and that really is what killed this conversation. Harry's hackles went up because he was seeing Snape instead of Dad. And that's actually what Ginny's whole tirade was about in the Infirmary. She was afraid that was going to happen. She's seen them go through this whole thing and how made the old Snape can get. She was trying to tell Sev to keep it in Dad-mode and so was Lupin with his pointed look. And like I said, Snape tried. Yeah, he failed but he did try. Yep, it all comes down to control. Harry really does need to learn to control himself. And temper his responses. And yes, let his emotions out the way they are meant to come out. And that is what Severus was trying to say. *sigh* Yes, Harry is traumatized and he let everything fester until he couldn't take it anymore. It doesn't excuse his behavior or his actions but it makes them understandable at least. And yeah, this is not a temper tantrum, this is Harry letting out so much hurt. Finally. And sure, I'd like to smack the kid for saying that to Severus but I also want to just give the boy a hug. LOL And yeah, Harry is going to beat himself up about this far worse than Severus ever could. And you're right. Harry should not be allowed to get away with any of this. It's just not healthy for him to be able to do whatever and continue on. That's not what being a parent is about. Sure Harry is a wreck right now but that doesn't mean his actions have no consequences. You are very welcome for the angst. I had such a hard time with this chapter. It was painful to write; it really was. I was talking with someone last night and explaining that I wrote and re-wrote this scene a dozen times because I so didn't want Harry to say that but it was inevitable. It had to be. It's been waiting to erupt for so long. I'm glad you are enjoying it. And yep, there is lots of thoughts going into this... a lot of my own experiences and emotions. These two have become very real to me. There is indeed a reason for their suffering and in the end, they all will be better for it. Isn't that the reason for life? To come out a better person. Thanks so much for your awesome review and for your compliments! :o)
Author's Response: LOL No, this Snape is not so likely to do that. :o) But I do agree with you that Harry does need to understand that Sev is the parent here and all that means. Most of all, that he will be there, no matter what. Poor guys. *sigh*
Excellent chapter. I think the thing that really stood out in this one was the seamless transitions of emotion that you made with Severus's character. WAY TO GO! To go from being so concern for Harry, all the way to his furious exit was amazing. I love reading the way you write him! I can't help but feel bad for Harry. He's just gotten his father back from being dead, and now he's being 'punished' (can't wait to see what you come up with for THAT one!) for standing up for his parents. *sigh* yes, hitting is wrong, but I think he deserves a little bit of slack... I have a feeling that Harry locking himself away wouldn't be too far out of the picture, especially with his physical and mental health... it could have some serious side effects that Sev would need to fix. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE update soon! you know us girls can't take these cliff hangers for long! puhlease? -Madeline Author's Response: Sorry, but Severus needed a time out. LOL I'm glad you liked how I portrayed Sev's emotions. He is always fun to write! LOL Yeah, rough life Harry has. Well, he is destined to kill Voldy, so what can you expect? ;o) Nope, nothing wrong with standing up for your parents, but that's not Snape's problem with it. He wants Harry to learn to control his temper before it's too late. Yeah, it is quite possible that Harry will lock himself away. It's his coping mechanism. We'll see what happens. Glad you enjoyed. :o)
As for the outburst at the end, I was reading the reviewer comment below. That wasn't Harry being coldly and deliberately cruel. If Harry had said it in a cold calculating way that would not be in character. Here is lashing out over resentments he still has. He says he has forgiven his father, and I think on many levels he has, or he has really wanted to. I mean, after all these years he has a father. He wants a good relationship with him so he tries to push the past aside. But now when he's emotionally unsteady the lingering resentments come to the surface full force. Again, Harry's a kid. A kid who was abandoned by his dad and had to live in a horrible abusive home not knowing any parent. He can say he forgives Sev all he wants, and again he might on many levels do so, but there's still that anger and pain from what he thinks of as a betrayal. Think of it, his good nature helped him reconnect with Sev pretty quickly all things considered, even after the years at the Dursleys and the years of Sev tormenting him in class; he was doing his best to forge a strong relationship with his dad. But these things still linger, and I'm sort of glad it's out in the open. I think ultimately he will see that even when he is at his angriest and most hurtful, Sev won't abandon him. Though I still feel so bad for Sev too. Because you know he regrets his decisions; thinking about them is torture. And now that Harry has seemed to throw his forgiveness back in Sev's face, Sev might be wondering if Lily lied to him about forgiving him and that maybe, wherever she is, she also resents him. He's going to be in for some good long brooding. And meanwhile Harry is going to fret that he pushed his dad away for good. I can see Remus and Ginny as being the ones who will mediate between the two. This is quite some angst you're putting them through! I hope the next chapter is up soon. And not only that, I'm hoping it ends on a hopeful note. Even if they won't immediately reconcile, I'm hoping at least the next chapter won't end on another low note. Even with your quick updates it's painful to read such things! Author's Response: No one is shocked by Harry's behavior. It's perfectly reasonable but it's still not right. People can't go around punching one another just because they're mad. And Harry is not normal! When has he ever been normal? Sure it stinks, but it's just the way it is. Harry can't go around losing his calm every five seconds. That won't work too well with Voldy when the time comes. And you're right...Pinth could easily have done something worse. Harry should have kept on walking. That's not the worst thing someone could have said to him. just imagine what old Voldy will have to say about the whole situation. *shakes head* No, Harry wasn't being cold or cruel. How can he be a normal teenager and be allowed a bit of fisticuffs but not an outburst that hurts someone? Come on, we've all been a teenager or still are and said something so mean. Okay, well maybe it's just me who's done that. He still has lingering resentments. How could he not. Things can't change in barely 2 months. It's been 15 years! Of course, he's gonna still be hurt over it. It's hurtful! It was a betrayal, on many senses of the word and yes, you're right. He's forgiven Sev because he loves him and doesn't want him to suffer but he still feels the pain and hurt. And unfortunately, he let it fly here and see, he already regrets it. he didn't mean to say that. But that's what happens when we don't control our tempers. LOL It is good to have this out in the open. They've never really talked about all this. Sev did try but Harry didn't want to. So, it got all bottled up. I feel very much for Sev. To think on them is torture for him. He regrets so much. I don't think though that Sev will worry about Lily. He was there with her. He had a bit of an emotional breakdown in the afterlife. LOL And I don't think afterlife people do much lying. Severus is secure now in the whole Lily's love issue, not so much with the Harry's love issue. But yeah, some brooding will ensue. And Harry will indeed be wondering if he's pushed too far. This is very important as once and for all, Harry will find out if Severus really is going to be there for him...no matter what he does. Well, it's painful to write. But there is a purpose behing my angst-ridden madness.
I am not sure I fully understand the psychology of all your characters in this chapter. I do get why Harry attacked Pinth and frankly, I do not see a problem with a child (or anybody) defending their family – they have every right to do so. Nothing punches you in the guts more than attacks (verbal or otherwise) on those you love. Why is it so shocking to everyone that Harry lost his temper? How would Ginny, Ron, Draco, the twins or anybody of reacted if it was an attack on their family? Exactly the same way - as seen on the quidditch pitch in book five – it is a normal reaction. Harry is not a spy – he's an emotional - sixteen year old - stressed out boy – who just barely learned occlumency - so, I guess, I couldn't fully comprehend the degree of Sev's anger. Then, after blowing off a heck of a lot of steam – Harry is still remarkably angry - and again, I am not sure I fully understand why. His words at the end were like stabbing where he knows it hurts and twisting. I do not see Harry's character as this cruel and frankly, and do not like to read him portrayed as such. If he truly believed those things it would be one thing, but you've said he forgave Severus (he saw inside his mind) – Did he forgive him or not? Because it sure doesn't sound like it. Harry's character is supposed to be “remarkable” in his selflessness and ability to love and I just don't see that here. Anyway, it was well written and as usual got an extreme emotional reaction out of me. Hufflepuff indeed – I much prefer your gentler emotions. I hope I can get a better understanding of everyone's motives because I currently do not like our “heroes” very much. Author's Response: Snape didn't actually give Harry a detention with Filch. He was only threatening it and he wouldn't have done it but they got interrupted so really, you never got to see them argue their way through that one. Snape, remember, at that point was still struggling to figure out how to be a father to Harry. Of course, Harry was justified in what he did, but that doesn't make it right. Defending your family is one thing, but violence is quite another and in this case, that's not the point anyway. Harry is not just some sixteen year old kid. He's Harry Potter. And no matter how much Severus wishes it weren't true, he still has to face Voldemort and during such...Harry cannot lose control! And I don't think it's shocking that he lost his temper because seriously that kid was about to blow. But, still it just can't happen. He's got to learn to keep himself under control. And in a way, Harry IS a spy. Not really a spy, but he's got big things to do and he things about Voldy that are dangerous for him to know. He's not just an emotional teenager at all. He's much more. Unfortunately. And no, I guess you didn't understand Sev's anger...guess I didn't do Sev justice this chapter. *shrugs* Severus wasn't really angry about Harry punching that guy....heck, he fantasized about choking the kid until he was dead. But see, Sev didn't do it. He also wanted to kill Filch and that Septimus guy from awhile back, but he didn't do those things either. This is about Harry learning to control himself to deal with the things that come for him because Voldemort is most definitely coming. And control will be very, very important. And Severus also doesn't want Harry to become like him, bitter and angry and let's face it...it really is too bad Severus didn't tell himself to control his temper 16 years ago. If he could have kept it in check long enough to ask Lily a few questions, her lie would have unraveled pretty darn quickly. Losing control had huge consequences for so many people and so of course, Sev is sensitive about it. How much he regrets that loss of his temper. And, Severus was also just mad at himself. Harry's been walking around, obviously in much more pain than Severus realized. He should have noticed (his thoughts), should have worked on that whole nightmare issue and he should have talke to Harry more and maybe he would have opened up. I don't really think Harry was being cruel but I guess that because I've said things I desperately wish I could take back. Harry was just mad, and he's been clamping up his emotions for two weeks now and come on, these two never really talked these issues through and sure, Harry's forgiven him because he really does care about the guy but I really don't think all those years of hurt can be so easily forgotten. I don't think he's really angry about it, but hurt still. I have forgiven people things because it's the right thing to do and because I know they are truly sorry but for me at least, I can still be hurt by it. And that def. is the Hufflepuff in me. Remember back in that Filch detention chapter when McGonagall was yelling at Severus, Sev tries to bring up the whole hating your for 5 years thing and Harry completely steps around it because he doesn't want to talk about it...doesn't want to go through things are still so hurtful. Well, it still hurts and when we don't talk about things that hurt us, they tend to fester and turn into anger and resentment. And again, it's not cruel, because Harry didn't even realize he was saying it. It just came tumbling right out. "Harry froze as he realized what he had just said." He already regrets it. That is not the mark of a cruel person. It's just a lost boy, who even at this point, is still a little lost. And Harry's love for his father is even more poignant in my mind because why would it hurt so much if he didn't love Severus so much? The motives? Hurt, mostly. Emotions and a need to heal.
Author's Response: Nah. Don't be afraid. Be excited. :o)
What did you dare say to MY severus ? Oops sorry girls, I meant OUR Severus of course ! Author's Response: Yay Keina! Some anger on Sev's behalf. Too much sorryness for Harry! I know, I know...he's distraught but he was way out of line! Good thing Severus at least can control his temper. LOL It's true, Harry needs a timeout. But I suppose we can understand. He's been a timebomb the last two weeks, just waiting to explode. But yeah, he needs to be smacked! Can you tell I'm a bit annoyed at Harry? LOL Oh, and my mom says she's waiting very impatiently for you to update your story! :oP
Hmm...what was Hermione researching? Do the other 2/3 of the trio know that Harry knows more information about Lily's charm? I hope not, they can be pretty vicious when Harry's got some info that they want. Hopefully Flitwick's help doesn't prove too helpful! Filch, that dirty squib!! You made Harry pass out!!! I'm going to give you a piece of your own medicine...go shine all the suits of armor on the fourth floor, without magic. Oh, yeah, I forgot, you don't have any!! Hate that man. So was it Hermione's "Harry!" that Harry heard as he was jerked around? Or was he already so outta it by then that it all started to mesh together? Loved Sev using the spell to separate the sea of students…really wouldn’t want to be in his way? Also loved Remus saying that he only saw Filch pull Harry away from Pinth just to distract Sev from wanting to murder that stupid Slytherin with his eyes with "Filch just made Harry pass out." It worked and for the record, I don’t know Pinth at all…*shifts awkwardly in chair* Loved McGonagall here and seriously wanted her to slap Filch a good one...preforably on that arm that he keeps complaining about... Good job Remus for keeping Sev in line, it wasn't easy but you did well! I really liked how easily a few words from Remus about Harry could bring Sev back to the present with what was really important. Love that werewolf! I really do have to give Sev a lot of credit here...he handles Harry well on the way to the Hospital Wing and starts berating himself for getting Harry hurt. Unfortunately, it really isn't his fault because Harry was the one that lied about being ready to go back to class. And yet still was his fault for not using that Slytherin cunning and putting two and two together to realize that Harry was lying...*sigh* And it just gets worse from there... But it was great to see Sev play the worried parent again... And felt the increasing anxiety along with Harry as he came to the realization that McGonagall was going to tell Sev that he started the fight...shame on you, Ron for telling the truth! Granted he got Pinth in a fair amount of trouble by repeating what the slime ball said about Lily and Sev. (Loved the awkward McGonagall, by the way!) Ginny was great here too, sticking up for Harry in her own way, demanding that Sev act like his father and not his Professor...I just love that girl! But I do hope that Harry's able to talk to her soon, to put her at ease and to hear what she has to say about this whole situation...I bet it's good... I think you did really well with their "conversation" which was more like a "let's see who erupts first" contest...and Harry lost, I think. But they defiantly both made a lot of good points and one of Sev's that really stuck out at me was this: “I am beginning to think you do feel justified in whatever choices you make, no matter the consequences.” Sadly, it really is true...but that's just who Harry is. *shrugs* And you know you love him for it, Sev, just as we do. I seriously hope that the angst continues but also that Sev and Harry will come to some sort of understanding after they let their hurtful words fester in the wounds they've made...and become closer as a result of that. There's something about having your emotions and beliefs out there in the open like that that really does bring you closer to that other person, just because you know exactly where they're coming from. I'm really looking forward to a good long sulk from both of our favorite guys, perhaps some half-hearted potion making and distracted flipping through a favorite old photo album. After a few hours then, they'll be unable to stand the quiet of their solitude and apologize to each other, finally able to talk sensibly about what happened. Please? Excuse the random rant: I guess the only problem that I have with everyone's (Sev's, McGonagall's, perhaps even Poppy's) reaction is that Harry acted inappropriately, that he should have a better hold on his temper than to let people's comments about his mother get to him...but they weren’t there. If they were confronted within the same situation, who's to say that they would have dealt with it better. It's just frustrating for me...sorry for the diatribe. Well, thanks for such a great chapter! I realize that it was extremely angsty and emotional, but I feel really giddy right now...hmm...I'm just obsessed and relieved that they've got that part of the argument out of their system. Hopefully you'll be able to keep me on my toes and I'm really looking to be hurt next chapter...I don't know what's wrong with me. I really don't and I'm sorry. Ok, too many words for not saying anything...but I can't wait for the next chapter! Keep tweaking! Where’s my twin from another dimension in time at? I miss being able to copy and paste!! Author's Response: Okay, first thing just because it leapt out at me...Harry did sorta say the same thing to Severus as you said was bugging you (about them not being there and how the heck was he supposed to be expected to control his temper)...“They were insulting mum and if you could have stood there and done nothing while they called her names then you really are the same unfeeling git you’ve always been!" Okay, so Harry wasn't nice about it, but he does have a point. And really, this is Severus were talking about here and even in his fury, I'm almost positive he was listening. There, fell better? LOL Let's see...one nosy Hermione and one Charms professor whose already helped Hermione once with the Impentribiilus Charm. Hmmm No, that was Hermione shrieking and Filch shaking. I got you all good. LOL Remus is just good, that's all there is to say about that. He knew perfectly well that Severus was perfectly capable of killing both Filch and Pinth. And isn't nice to know Sev's got someone right there for him? Ah. That separating spell was fun. Yes, it was. Severus really did try...he really did. He wasn't meaning to get angry. Sure, he sorta failed right of the bat there but then he tried to regroup and bring it all back together. You gotta give him points. Well, yeah...Ginny was a bit afraid that Severus was going to become Snape again. She's seen it all and she knows how angry he can get and just how much that hurts Harry. Unfortunately, Sev was already thinking these things and I am pretty sure Ginny just made him angrier. Sigh. Good try though, Gin! An erupting contest for sure. And yeah, Harry def. won that round though I don't think he's going to be too pleased with the prize. Poor kid. Poor dad. Oh, I can pretty much guarantee you a sulk. The chapter is pretty well done but I wont' share if there's any photo album picks in there...just to be mean. LOL Sulking though, yes. I wonder who can outsulk who? Now, that should be fun! Don't worry. I love the angst. The hurt is just fun. We can be sick together! :o)
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